1. Good evening. I'm Tom
Tucker bringing you news
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2. you heard four hours
ago on the Internet.
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3. Our top story: A mishap
in Quahog harbor today.
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4. That's right, Tom.
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5. A ferry carrying a shipment
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6. of brand-new Mercedes
Benzes from Germany
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7. crashed and sank just
a few miles off our coast.
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8. Thus far, the cars
remain on the ocean floor
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9. as the Germans refuse
to clean up the disaster.
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10. The German
Environmental Minister
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11. called a press
conference to issue
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12. the following statement:
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13. I see nothing! I know nothing!
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14. Holy crap! Did you
hear that, Lois?
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15. All them fancy cars out
there in the ocean, just
free for the taking?
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16. I'm gonna get me a Mercedes!
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17. Peter, that may be
the stupidest idea
you've ever had.
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18. And you've had some
pretty stupid ones.
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19. Hi there. Peter Griffin.
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20. You know, a lot of us here
at Family Guy are, frankly,
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21. sickened by the sorry state
of education in this country
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22. and how little
you people read anymore.
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23. So, for this next cutaway,
we're gonna make you read it.
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24. That's right, you heard me.
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25. Do a little work
once in a while,
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26. instead of having
everything spoon-fed.
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27. You want your yuks,
put in a little effort.
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28. All right, go ahead.
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29. Okay, that one might
have been more of a visual,
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30. but you feel that feeling
you got right now?
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31. That's satisfaction.
You just read something.
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32. And no one can take
that away from you.
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33. Proud of you.
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34. Geez, you're a mess.
What is that?
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35. It was finger-paint day.
What the hell?
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36. Why didn't they clean
you up before you left?
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37. Brian, there's, like,
37 other kids in there.
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38. One was in a drawer all day.
Wow, seems like
Lois would've
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39. checked that stuff out
before sending you.
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40. Yeah, you'd think so, right?
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41. I mean, it's clearly
not a place of business.
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42. It's someone's house.
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43. You know, half the time you
can hear someone showering.
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44. I mean, you never see them, but
you can hear the shower going.
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45. Really? That seems weird.
Yeah, and is it normal
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46. that Miss Emily tied
us all to the sink
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47. while she went out to
return a birthday present?
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48. No, that's not
normal at all.
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49. You know, Stewie,
maybe I should
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50. come by tomorrow
and check things out.
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51. That teacher sounds
really irresponsible.
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52. She is. Adults are stupid.
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53. The world would be so much
better if it were run by babies.
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54. Tonight on NBC... Shapes!
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55. And then... Colors!
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56. Followed by
an all-new... Dad's Keys!
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57. Man, I can't wait
to get a Mercedes.
Me, either.
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58. Yeah, it's gonna be sweet.
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59. Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!
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60. What the hell
is that?
A sun hat.
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61. No, no, no, no, no.
What do you mean, no?
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62. I'm protecting my face
and neck from the sun.
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63. Use sunscreen!
Y-You don't need
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64. to put a circus
on your head.
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65. This is a ploy
for attention.
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66. Sunscreens are
bad for you.
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67. The chemicals get
in your skin.
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68. Boy, you really want
to wear that hat.
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69. That hat's
coming off!
No!
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70. You guys are jerks!
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71. I can have my own identity
besides you two.
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72. Not this way.
Not the hat way.
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73. Holy crap!
I think we got one!
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74. Aw, damn it!
It's just a dolphin.
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75. Sorry,
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76. did I get in the way
of something?
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77. No, it's all right.
We were just trying
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78. to get some of them
sunken Mercedes.
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79. Oh, yeah, there's
a great big pile
of them down there.
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80. Me and my mates, right,
we was having a laugh
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81. sitting in of one of them,
pretending to be people.
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82. You know, like, driving around
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83. getting into incidents
with other motorists.
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84. Honk, honk. "Stay out
the way, you old bat!"
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85. Asian.
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86. Not all Asians
are bad drivers.
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87. No, no, not
all terrorists are Arab.
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88. But, you know, they are, so...
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89. Uh, well, I'm Peter,
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90. and that's, uh, Joe,
and that's Quagmire.
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91. Name's Billy, Billy Finn.
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92. It's got "fin" in it.
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93. I didn't pick it.
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94. Luck of the draw.
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95. Say, you want me to try
and get you one of those cars
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96. from down there, yeah?
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97. You would do that?
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98. Well, I could try.
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99. Here, let me
give it a go.
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100. He seems nice.
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101. He does.
Yeah.
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102. So, uh, what do you have
planned for the summer?
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103. I'm sure he'll
be right back.
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104. Sorry, mate, all I could get
was this hood ornament.
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105. This is just as good!
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106. Thank you so much!
Hey, you know,
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107. if there's ever anything
I could do for you...
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108. Actually, you could
do something.
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109. You could eat only
dolphin-safe tuna.
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110. Wait, is that the brand
that costs five cents more?
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111. No, I can't do that.
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112. Things ain't so good
in America right now,
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113. which is why
we're all so fat.
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114. What did I tell you, Brian?
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115. It's a nightmare in here.
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116. Oh, my God!
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117. Oh, what happened
to that kid?
He fell off a stool
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118. trying to turn off
Maury Povich.
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119. This is awful!
Where's your teacher?
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120. Probably out back.
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121. Excuse me, are you Miss Emily?
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122. Yeah. Hi. Who are you?
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123. Uh, Brian.
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124. Brian Steel.
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125. I was just
dropping Stewie off.
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126. Oh, yeah! I should
probably go back in there,
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127. see how everyone's
doing, I guess.
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128. Ah, they're fine.
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129. In fact, I see Stewie
reading a book.
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130. Scratch-and-sniff
Lindsay Lohan Goes Jogging.
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131. Oh, God! That's terrible!
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132. Oh, here's a pop-up book.
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133. Tommy Lee Goes Boating.
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134. Move, Lois! You're on
the hood ornament's pillow.
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135. Peter, put that away.
It's time for bed.
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136. W-Wait, hang on, Lois,
before I go to bed,
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137. I just got
to do one thing.
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138. Hello?
Hey, Mr. Pewterschmidt,
it's me, Peter.
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139. You remember how you said
I'd never amount to nothing?
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140. Is that a Mercedes?
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141. Peter, hang up
the phone.
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142. My God, who could be at
the door at this hour?
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143. I don't know, but this late,
it's got to be bad news.
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144. Everyone knows you
always get bad news
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145. in the middle of the night.
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146. Wake up, wake up, wake up!
Huh? What?
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147. You have cancer!
What?
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148. Yeah. I thought
you should know.
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149. Okay, go back to sleep.
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150. Wait, I have questions.
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151. It's very late.
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152. Oh, hello. This
is the right house.
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153. That's good, then.
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154. What the hell?
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155. It's me, Billy. Billy Finn.
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156. Just wanted to take you up
on your nice offer from earlier.
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157. What... I-I don't... What offer?
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158. You know, the bit about
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159. "If there's ever
anything I can do,"
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160. so, yeah...
Oh.
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161. Yeah, thought I might
make a go of it on land.
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162. So, "anything you
can ever do."
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163. Here I am. Thank you.
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164. Squid pro quo.
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165. Thank you for not
being "shellfish."
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166. I just said that
for the "halibut."
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167. Fish puns.
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168. Ah. Oh, cod.
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169. Oh, God, come on.
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170. Let me in.
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171. Peter, who is it?
Is Meg dead?
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172. It's that dolphin—
I think he wants to crash here.
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173. And I have no info on Meg.
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174. He wants to what?
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175. I-I'm not sure that...
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176. I brought a gift.
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177. Put it to your ear.
You can hear the ocean.
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178. All I hear is...
It's Billy Ocean!
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179. Oh, God! I got
loads more.
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180. I think you and I are gonna
have a lot of fun together.
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181. So, Billy, I, uh, I hope
the couch was all right?
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182. Yeah, a lot better
than the floor.
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183. And I should know, 'cause
I went down on the floor,
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184. thinking it had to be a
lot better than the couch.
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185. Okay, well,
breakfast is ready.
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186. Oh. Uh...
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187. Is everything all right?
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188. Yeah. Well, it's just...
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189. would you mind tossing
it up in the air for me?
Well, I don't know...
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190. Lois, he is our guest.
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191. Toss it in the air.
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192. Uh, I'm used to a
little applause, so...
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193. All right, all right.
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194. Not bad. Afternoon crowd.
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195. Lightly attended.
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196. So, Billy, how long will
you be staying with us?
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197. Are you kidding?
As long as he wants!
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198. Yay! We live with a dolphin!
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199. Correct, fatso.
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200. Anyway, I'm off
to read Meg's diary.
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201. Only been here one night,
but I get the sense
we all dislike Meg.
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202. Um, I'm a dolphin—
smart, intuitive.
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203. Also, Peter told me
in the hall. Ha.
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204. Peter, I'm not so sure about
Billy staying here with us.
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205. What are you talking
about? He's hilarious.
I don't know.
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206. Listen, just leave it to me.
I'm great with animals.
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207. Remember when I lived
with those ants?
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208. We're working on something.
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209. Yes? May I help you?
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210. Hey, put him down!
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211. Who are you?
I-I can't stop him!
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212. Can anyone stop him?
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213. No? Well, he's gone.
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214. Hey, Stewie.
How's it going?
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215. Brian, what are
you doing here?
Came by to check on my pal.
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216. Where's, uh, Miss Emily?
I haven't seen
her yet today.
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217. She gave me the keys to open
up when she left yesterday.
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218. I thought you said you
were gonna talk to her.
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219. I did, a-and she's doing
her best, you know?
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220. She's got a lot
on her plate.
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221. She's got school.
She's got work.
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222. This is her work!
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223. Oh, hi, Brian.
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224. I thought you had a busy day
at your legal practice.
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225. Oh...
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226. Hey, Emily! Yeah, I had
some time between cases.
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227. I thought I'd see
how you were doing.
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228. That's so nice of you!
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229. Let me just put
these bags away
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230. and throw some saltines
in the yard for the kids.
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231. You're disgusting.
Hey, I'm sorry,
but Miss Emily and I
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232. have a connection, which
is totally unexpected.
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233. And by the way,
I actually think she's
doing a pretty good job.
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234. She's teaching you
guys independence.
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235. We're one!
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236. Independence means we die!
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237. Do you like this?
I just got it.
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238. Say you like it, or
she's gonna spend
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239. the rest of the afternoon
out returning that stuff.
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240. Looks great!
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241. Wow, you really
fill these things up.
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242. Hey, do you think maybe you'd
want to hang out sometime?
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243. What, you mean like
a movie or something?
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244. Yeah, or-or maybe lunch?
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245. I had a bad experience last
time I went to the movies.
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246. We're good friends,
aren't we, Milo?
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247. We're best friends, Otis.
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248. No! No!
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249. I reject the premise of this!
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250. Okay, who's ready for
Family Movie Night?
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251. All right, tonight's selection:
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252. Tim Burton's
Alice in Wonderland in 3D.
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253. Now let's all sit down
and take our headache.
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254. Or...
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255. or-or...
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256. we could watch...
The Cove,
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257. The Cove?
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258. Isn't that that
horrible documentary
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259. where they kill
all the fish?
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260. Dolphins, actually.
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261. Well, yeah, but this one
was in the video store
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262. under "Ethan's Picks."
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263. Come on, Peter.
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264. Billy's our guest.
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265. All right,
we'll watch The Cove.
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266. Oh, my God!
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267. I don't want to see this!
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268. I know you can't tell this,
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269. but the one who's about
to get her throat cut,
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270. she's sorta hot.
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271. Wh-Wh-What are you doing?
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272. What do you think
I'm doing?
You're stoolin'?
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273. What, you gotta
do that in here?
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274. Well, where else am I
supposed to do it?
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275. I can't just do it
on the floor, can I?
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276. You'd be all, like,
"Ooh, who left this coil
of rope on the floor?"
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277. It's very... comes out
very ropey is my point.
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278. But I gotta take a bath.
Go on, then.
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279. We're both men.
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280. Well... all right,
I guess.
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281. There you go!
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282. Look at that!
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283. What is...
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284. Whoa! Solar eclipse.
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285. Blocking the sun.
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286. Do not look directly
at it.
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287. Wh-Wha-What the hell?
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288. What're you doin'?
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289. I'm just making
a comment.
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290. Um, need to
know somethin'.
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291. Do you hear the word
"morbidly" a lot?
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292. This is not fair.
O-O-Okay.
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293. And, again, I'm gonna
ask one more question,
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294. and don't take this
the wrong way,
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295. but have you actually
got a penis?
Yes.
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296. Where-where is it?
Where is it?
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297. It's in there.
Are you sure?
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298. So it's like Mr.
Snuffleupagus, is it?
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299. Aw, the hell with this.
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300. Lois, get the ruler,
we're measuring again.
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301. And this time, I decide
where the base is.
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302. So then I'm reading
the funnies,
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303. and right before I get
to the last panel,
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304. Billy blurts out,
he goes, he goes,
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305. "You know, those firemen showed
up to get a cat out of the tree,
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306. but it turns out it's really
Marmaduke up there."
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307. It ruined the whole damn thing!
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308. Peter, in Billy's defense,
the strip is called Marmaduke,
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309. and Marmaduke
had not yet made
an appearance.
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310. You probably should've
seen that coming.
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311. I tell ya, he was fun at first,
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312. but now I'm not sure I can take
much more of him living here.
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313. Well, Peter, you've more than
paid back your debt to him.
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314. I mean, what did he do?
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315. He-he got you a hood ornament.
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316. If you ask me,
it's time for him to go.
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317. Yeah, you're right.
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318. Plus, the sooner
we get him out of here,
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319. the sooner I can get back
to my cocaine and dollhouses.
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320. Dinner is served.
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321. Get out!
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322. Stewie, what's going on?
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323. Aren't you supposed
to be at day care?
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324. I escaped.
What happened to your arm?
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325. I finally stood up for all of us
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326. and told Miss Emily we should
be given a proper lunch
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327. and not just what's left over
from her Baja Fresh.
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328. And she said
I shouldn't raise my voice
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329. and pulled me really hard
into the other room,
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330. and my arm came
out of its socket.
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331. Are you sure?
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332. Are you sure you didn't
just sleep on it funny?
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333. Does this look like
I slept on it funny?
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334. I'm gonna tell Mom!
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335. Mom!
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336. You are not going anywhere.
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337. I finally have a date
with Miss Emily tomorrow,
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338. and I'm not gonna let you
or anybody else get in my way
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339. until I have seen
every inch of her naked.
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340. Do you even hear yourself?
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341. And what am I supposed
to do about my arm?
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342. I'll just pop it back in.
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343. You most certainly will not!
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344. I need to go to a hospital.
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345. Brian, is Stewie
in there with you?
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346. Mom!
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347. We're in here, Lois.
He's napping.
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348. Relax. I'm gonna
pop it back in.
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349. Get in there! C-Come on!
Hold still, Stewie!
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350. I'm not saying
I like pain.
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351. But I'm not saying
I don't like it either.
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352. Hey, uh, listen, Billy, it's
been fun having you stay here,
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353. but we really need to talk about
making some new arrangements.
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354. Oh, do we?
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355. Is this because there's
some kind of problem
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356. with the hood ornament?
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357. No, that's... it's...
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358. that's... it's-it's fine.
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359. Oh, good, good.
That's good to hear,
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360. 'cause it dawned on me
that the only thing better than
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361. you having one of them would
be you having two of them.
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362. Don't you say those things.
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363. Don't you say those things
unless they're true.
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364. Yeah, be quite a thing
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365. for you to have two of them,
wouldn't it?
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366. Would it ever!
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367. Wonderful!
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368. The best!
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369. Very fancy!
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370. Now, what was it you wanted
to talk to me about?
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371. Nothing, nothing.
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372. Tricia Takanawa?
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373. What are you doing here?
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374. Peter, I'm standing here
on your front porch,
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375. hoping to kill that dolphin
with this harpoon.
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376. So the thing about dolphin
lullabies is that they're all
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377. in the key of
"eee-eee"!
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378. "Eee"!
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379. That's loud.
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380. I get why
that's factual.
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381. I don't see
why it's funny.
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382. Eh-eh! What the hell, man?
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383. Drink beer much?
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384. I just learned that
"much" thing from the telly.
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385. Hey, here's a question:
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386. When are you going
back to the ocean?
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387. Yeah, I mean,
don't you have
family back there?
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388. I used to, but not anymore.
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389. Um, the wife won't
have me back.
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390. Threw me out, actually.
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391. Well, maybe you
should talk to her.
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392. Peter, believe me, if she'd take
me back, I'd go in a second.
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393. But she won't, so as much
as I love her, moot point.
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394. Moving on.
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395. Uh...
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396. Well, gotta go
and drain the eel.
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397. It's electric.
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398. My penis.
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399. Hey, throw darts much?
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400. Boy, I see what
you're saying, Peter.
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401. Billy's annoying.
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402. Yeah, and P.S.,
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403. that guy doesn't throw
darts much. He's new.
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404. Peter, I thought you said you
were gonna ask Billy to leave.
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405. He's still sleeping
on the couch out there.
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406. I know, Lois, but I found out
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407. he's only here
'cause his wife kicked him out.
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408. So I figured out a way to kill
two birds with one stone.
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409. Like this.
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410. The key to that, Lois,
is big rock, small birds.
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411. Oh, and I also figured out
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412. how to achieve two goals
with one action.
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413. See, I'm gonna help Billy
get back together with his wife,
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414. and then he'll move out
and stop annoying us.
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415. How do you plan to do that?
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416. Are you kidding?
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417. I'm great at getting
people back together.
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418. I even recorded a song about it.
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419. Hey, guys.
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420. Everybody having
fun playing with...
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421. What-what is that?
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422. A piece of wood with a,
with a nail in it. Neat.
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423. He can't hear you.
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424. There was a kitchen
explosion today,
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425. and half the kids are deaf.
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426. Oh, hi, Brian.
Hey, Emily.
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427. Wow, you look great.
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428. You're ready to go?
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429. Yeah, one sec.
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430. I'm leaving, honey.
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431. Okay, babe, have fun.
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432. I'm probably just gonna take
a couple more showers.
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433. Who-who was that?
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434. That's my boyfriend, Devin.
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435. Are you ready for lunch?
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436. RADIO DISPATCHER: 11-25,
Code 6, 105 North Avenue...
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437. What you did
to these kids...
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438. There is a special place
in hell for people like you.
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439. Come on, let's go home.
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440. Man, when she
gets to jail,
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441. she's gonna be
major lez-chow.
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442. She sure is, Stewie.
She sure is.
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443. I'm telling you, Peter,
you're wasting your time.
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444. She's never taking me back.
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445. Well, you'll never
know until you try.
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446. Hey, I brought this sack
of garbage from my home.
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447. Where do I put this?
Just anywhere?
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448. Yeah. Anywhere.
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449. Yay, people!
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450. All right, here she comes.
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451. Oh, hello, Joanne.
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452. Billy? What are
you doing here?
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453. He's here because he loves you,
and he wants to patch things up.
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454. Hey, how come
you ain't got boobs?
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455. You like a runner
or something?
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456. Who's this, then?
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457. He's just a friend,
trying to help.
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458. Look, Billy,
I don't care
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459. what you or your fat friend
here has to say, it's over.
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460. Well, thanks
for trying.
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461. I knew she wouldn't
listen to you, though.
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462. Well, maybe so.
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463. But I know someone
she'll have to listen to.
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464. Hey, gang,
I'm Aquaman.
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465. Get back together.
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466. Boop-boop-boop-boop-
boop-boop-boop.
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467. That's not
Aquaman!
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468. Billy, what
is going on?
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469. Let me answer that.
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470. Look, Joanne, Billy had
nothing to do with this.
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471. It was just a dumb plan my
buddies and I put together
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472. because we know how
much Billy loves you.
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473. And he misses you very much.
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474. Look, just give him
another chance.
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475. And if you won't do it
for me, do it for Fish Jesus.
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476. Do you have Fish Jesus?
Of course.
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477. He was nailed to a board
and hung in a man's study
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478. as a novelty to
sing funny songs.
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479. Your god is a gag gift,
did you know that?
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480. Would you excuse us?
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481. Is it true, Billy?
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482. Do you really miss me?
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483. Joanne, I am so sorry.
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484. I promise
I'll do better.
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485. You know what?
I had to live on the land
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486. to learn there might
be a million fish in the sea,
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487. but there's only one you.
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488. Oh, Billy...
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489. Aw, look at that.
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490. That's nice.
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491. Oh, cool, they're
already using my garbage!
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492. Hey, Brian, thanks for helping
get rid of Miss Emily.
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493. Although I've got to say,
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494. my new preschool teacher
is even hotter.
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495. Really?
Yeah.
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496. Let me know if you
want his number.
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497. Oh, you!
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498. Okay, now just
stay like this
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499. and let Peter and Lois
finish their thing.
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500. Wow, Peter, you did
a really nice thing
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501. helping Billy get back
together with his wife.
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502. Yeah, and the best part
is, he's out of the house
and back in the ocean.
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503. I guess everything
worked out for everybody.
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504. Arr! 'Tis a mighty haul!
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505. Hey.
Oh.
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506. Yeah, it's me as Neptune.
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