1. You guys, don't you think
I'm a little oldCopy !req
2. for the Teen Choice Awards?
I mean, I turned 18 today.Copy !req
3. Oh, come on, Meg.Copy !req
4. You always used to love
the Teen Choice Awards.Copy !req
5. Yeah, ever since Fox
pulled this contrived nightCopy !req
6. of out of
their ass, in an effortCopy !req
7. to get in on the awards
show business,Copy !req
8. it's been very
special to you.Copy !req
9. Coming to you live, it's
the Teen Choice Awards!Copy !req
10. Featuring...Copy !req
11. I tell ya, every year, I
recognize fewer and fewer names.Copy !req
12. And a live performance by...Copy !req
13. Plus we tally your text vote
for the Biggest WhiffCopy !req
14. and Choice Bro-ment
of the Year!Copy !req
15. And now your host...Copy !req
16. Wavyhair Doucheston!Copy !req
17. I touched him!Copy !req
18. What's up, Teen Choice Awards?Copy !req
19. We're gonna kick things offCopy !req
20. with Choice Lacrosse Guy Smile!Copy !req
21. Give it up for our first
presenter, Wilford Brimley!Copy !req
22. It's entirely too loud in here!Copy !req
23. Quiet down!Copy !req
24. There's no accountability
anymore!Copy !req
25. I have diabetes!Copy !req
26. Hey, what do you say we get
some music in here, huh?Copy !req
27. No, that'll only
make things worse!Copy !req
28. Give it up for our first
nominated Choice BandCopy !req
29. of the Night,
Peehole Skin!Copy !req
30. I'm gonna put
a stop to this!Copy !req
31. Well, that was
unfortunate.Copy !req
32. Hey, what's with all
the cars on the street?Copy !req
33. Oh, they're all here
for your surprise party, Meg.Copy !req
34. Peter, for God's
sake, you idiot!Copy !req
35. We were supposed
to open the doorCopy !req
36. so everyone could
yell "surprise!"Copy !req
37. Surprise!Copy !req
38. Oh... Oh, dear.Copy !req
39. Mom, if it's a surprise party,
where is everybody?Copy !req
40. Chris, what the hell?Copy !req
41. I thought you were
gonna pay the kidsCopy !req
42. from school to show up!
I gave you $300!Copy !req
43. Why do you think
Dad's here?Copy !req
44. Hey, Meg, happy birthday.Copy !req
45. You're the coolest.Copy !req
46. Well, then what are all the cars
doing out there?Copy !req
47. Oh, they must be
for Mort's party.Copy !req
48. Okay, the first rule
of Jewish fight clubCopy !req
49. is if somebody says,
"Ow," you stop.Copy !req
50. Ow!Copy !req
51. Okay, let's eat.Copy !req
52. I'm really sorry
about this, honey.Copy !req
53. I-It looks like
nobody's coming.Copy !req
54. But we had fun at the Teen
Choice Awards, right?Copy !req
55. I guess.Copy !req
56. Well, I guess we
ought to call it a night.Copy !req
57. Come on, Stewie.
Up to bed.Copy !req
58. No party? Oh, come on.
I was gonna show a slide showCopy !req
59. of all those silly photos
I took of Meg.Copy !req
60. Well, happy birthday
anyway, Meg.Copy !req
61. See you in the morning.Copy !req
62. Hey, Quagmire.
What's going on?Copy !req
63. Well, Peter,
a little birdie told meCopy !req
64. that today is
Meg's birthday.Copy !req
65. You giving me credit?Copy !req
66. Yeah, I just told him.Copy !req
67. I'm the one
who told him.Copy !req
68. So where is
the birthday girl?Copy !req
69. Oh, hi, Mr. Quagmire.Copy !req
70. Oh, please,
my father is Mr. Quagmi—Copy !req
71. Oh, no. He's... Okay,
well, he usedCopy !req
72. to be Mr. Quagmire.Copy !req
73. Now he's, how he's
just Ida Davis.Copy !req
74. Anyway, this is a special day
for you, young lady.Copy !req
75. Here's a gift for ya.Copy !req
76. A scented candle?Copy !req
77. As a girl,
I love this!Copy !req
78. That was originally $30.Copy !req
79. Thanks, Mr. Quagmire.Copy !req
80. Well, it's your
18th birthday, Meg.Copy !req
81. That's a very important
milestone inCopy !req
82. a young girl's...Copy !req
83. I mean, a young
woman's life.Copy !req
84. Hey, welcome
to the adult club, huh?Copy !req
85. And you know what?Copy !req
86. You got another member
right next doorCopy !req
87. if you ever want
to talk and stuff.Copy !req
88. Happy birthday.Copy !req
89. Hey... Hey, where's
that pinky going, huh?Copy !req
90. Where's he going?Copy !req
91. Wha, what's he doing?
Get back here.Copy !req
92. There you go.Copy !req
93. Look at Quagmire hitting
on that skank.Copy !req
94. You know he's gonna
close the deal.Copy !req
95. Peter, that skank is
your daughter.Copy !req
96. Oh, my God,
you're right!Copy !req
97. You know, Meg,
I'd love to see youCopy !req
98. without your hat on.Copy !req
99. Okay.Copy !req
100. So, anyway, I'm on approach
into Lambert FieldCopy !req
101. in some of the worst turbulence
I've ever flown through.Copy !req
102. I mean, I have never seen
anything like it.Copy !req
103. Everyone in the cabin
was, like, "Aah!"Copy !req
104. but I kept my cool.Copy !req
105. I trusted my training,
and brought the plane in safely,Copy !req
106. and in fact,
it turned out, ironically,Copy !req
107. to be one of the smoothest
landings I've ever made.Copy !req
108. Well, gosh, Quagmire,
this has been a fun night,Copy !req
109. but I guess, uh, you better be
getting home now, huh?Copy !req
110. Yeah, it is getting late.Copy !req
111. I guess I'll go home
and rub out a giggity.Copy !req
112. Take it easy, you guys.Copy !req
113. See you later, Meg.Copy !req
114. Bye.Copy !req
115. Okay, that was weird.Copy !req
116. That was weird.
Right?Copy !req
117. Oh, my God,
so weird.Copy !req
118. I tell you something,
if he touches my daughter,Copy !req
119. I'm gonna be kicking butts
and taking names!Copy !req
120. And then giving
those namesCopy !req
121. to other people
whose butts I kick.Copy !req
122. What's your name?Copy !req
123. Derek.Copy !req
124. What's your name?Copy !req
125. Michael.Copy !req
126. You're Derek now!Copy !req
127. Oh!Copy !req
128. Okay, Glenn,
time to reel her in.Copy !req
129. Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God!Copy !req
130. Ah, it's too much, too much.Copy !req
131. I love stars!Copy !req
132. We now return to Grainy Footage
of a Potential BigfootCopy !req
133. that will surely spark a lively
debate in your household.Copy !req
134. Oh, my God!
That is real!Copy !req
135. No, total fake.Copy !req
136. Look at that.
That is obviously
a suit. It's a fraud.Copy !req
137. Look at the way
it walks.Copy !req
138. Totally fake.
Why would somebody
make that up, Lois?Copy !req
139. What's in it for them?Copy !req
140. Oh, hey, Mr. G.
How's it going?Copy !req
141. Quagmire, what are you
doing here?Copy !req
142. Hi, Glenn.
Bye, you guys.Copy !req
143. Me and Glenn
are going out.Copy !req
144. What? Like
hell you are!Copy !req
145. Don't worry, Dad!
I'll take care of him!Copy !req
146. Stay away from my sis!Copy !req
147. Okay, you two have
fun on your date.Copy !req
148. What?
Drive carefully.Copy !req
149. We'll see you later.Copy !req
150. Lois, are you out
of your mind?Copy !req
151. We can't let Quagmire
take Meg out on a date!Copy !req
152. That guy'll bang anything.Copy !req
153. Hey, Lois, I'm starving.
What's for dinner?Copy !req
154. I made meat loaf.
It's in the fridge.Copy !req
155. Hey, Peter, do you mind?Copy !req
156. But I have
to get dinner.Copy !req
157. Go out!Copy !req
158. Peter, nothing's
gonna happen.Copy !req
159. Don't you see?Copy !req
160. She's only doing this
to get a rise out of us.Copy !req
161. If we fight her on it,
she'll only push further.Copy !req
162. Well, she may not plan
on sleeping with him,Copy !req
163. but you don't know how
smooth Quagmire is, Lois.Copy !req
164. He's like a vagician.Copy !req
165. Oh, that's clever.Copy !req
166. I know! Isn't it?
He practices vagic.Copy !req
167. "Vagician" was funnier.Copy !req
168. Okay, well, the point is,
we ought to be worried.Copy !req
169. Peter, trust me.Copy !req
170. I know what's going on
in her head.Copy !req
171. It's just a game.Copy !req
172. I used to do the same
thing to my parents.Copy !req
173. The problem is,
they pushed back,Copy !req
174. and the results
were not good.Copy !req
175. Mr. Pewterschmidt,Copy !req
176. we pumped your
daughter's stomachCopy !req
177. and we found vodka, Rohypnol,
a fair amount of DNACopy !req
178. that is not her own
and a class ring.Copy !req
179. Harvard?Copy !req
180. I think it was
SUNY something.Copy !req
181. Oh, I don't want
to hear any more!Copy !req
182. So how're
your studies going?Copy !req
183. They're going
pretty good.Copy !req
184. School's good.Copy !req
185. What's your favorite class?Copy !req
186. What was your
favorite class?Copy !req
187. Okay, let's say it
at the same timeCopy !req
188. and see if they're
the same.Copy !req
189. Okay, one, two, three.Copy !req
190. Hist... math!
Math!Copy !req
191. Oh, my God, we have
so much in common!Copy !req
192. Do you have any brothers
or sisters?Copy !req
193. Yeah, I have
two brothers.Copy !req
194. Aw, they sound
terrific.Copy !req
195. Hey, you want to blow
this joint?Copy !req
196. Sure.Copy !req
197. Oh, wow, really?
All right, go for it!Copy !req
198. Come on. Let's go.Copy !req
199. Oh, oh, you,
you mean leave.Copy !req
200. No, yeah, sure.
No, let's go.Copy !req
201. Gosh, Meg, I sure had
a swell time with you.Copy !req
202. Me, too, Glenn.
God, it's so amazingCopy !req
203. that you've been my dad's friend
for, like, years,Copy !req
204. and now we have this connection.Copy !req
205. Hey, do you want
to come inCopy !req
206. for some Crystal Light
or something?Copy !req
207. Well, I do believe in me,
but it's getting kind of late.Copy !req
208. Um, I really want to
see you again, though.Copy !req
209. Oh, you know it.Copy !req
210. Oh, God, Peter!Copy !req
211. Scared the
hell out of me!Copy !req
212. What're you doing here?
I think you know.Copy !req
213. Did you have sex
with my daughter?Copy !req
214. What? Come on, Peter.Copy !req
215. Did you have sex
with my daughter?Copy !req
216. Peter, trust me,
it's not happening.Copy !req
217. All right. Good.Copy !req
218. Yeah, she's really making
me work for it.Copy !req
219. Maybe you could
talk to her.Copy !req
220. Well, I'll try,Copy !req
221. but sometimes she can be
as stubborn as a mule.Copy !req
222. I tell you, you tell her
to do something once,Copy !req
223. she does the opposite.Copy !req
224. You know, it's like
she ain't even heard youCopy !req
225. in the first place.Copy !req
226. It's like talking
to a brick wall.Copy !req
227. Worse than talking...Copy !req
228. Even a brick wall doesn't tell
you they understand you,Copy !req
229. and then go do the opposite,
you know?Copy !req
230. So it's no surprise to meCopy !req
231. that you're having
these difficulties.Copy !req
232. That-that just seems
to be the way she is.Copy !req
233. You know, whether it's just
that she's not listeningCopy !req
234. or whether it's that she's
making a conscious decisionCopy !req
235. to defy your wishes,
who can say, you know?Copy !req
236. And I would say,
in some respects,Copy !req
237. having a strong-willed kid
is a good thing,Copy !req
238. but it can get frustrating
as hell on the other side.Copy !req
239. So, you know, believe me,Copy !req
240. I hear loud and clear
where you're—Copy !req
241. Wait a second!
No, I won't talk to her!Copy !req
242. And I want you to stay the hell
away from her!Copy !req
243. Peter it's me— Quagmire.Copy !req
244. This is what I do.Copy !req
245. Besides, Meg is 18 now
and you've gotta let go.Copy !req
246. You've done your job.
It's my turn now.Copy !req
247. Look, Quagmire, you're
one of my best pals,Copy !req
248. and I'm asking you
not to do this.Copy !req
249. I want to help you,
Peter, I really do,Copy !req
250. but it's— it's like you're
asking a fish not to swim.Copy !req
251. She's legal and I'm going in.Copy !req
252. Well, we'll see about that.Copy !req
253. I ain't afraid
to stand up to friends.Copy !req
254. Just ask Spartacus.Copy !req
255. I'm Spartacus.Copy !req
256. I'm Spartacus.Copy !req
257. That guy's
Spartacus.Copy !req
258. We now return to Two Lame
Chicks on Vacation in Mexico.Copy !req
259. Oh, my God, don't
drink the water.Copy !req
260. I'm so going to brush
my teeth with tequila.Copy !req
261. Mexico!
Mexico!Copy !req
262. Hey, is this beach topless?Copy !req
263. No, but my
margarita's bottomless.Copy !req
264. Mexico!
Mexico!Copy !req
265. That cute guy's been
staring at you all night.Copy !req
266. Oh, my God. I'm going to go poo
now, so I don't have to later.Copy !req
267. Mexico!
Mexico!Copy !req
268. Hey, you want to see
my pictures from Mexico?Copy !req
269. Look, Janine, I just— this is—
I can't with you anymore.Copy !req
270. It's all the time.
This is a job.Copy !req
271. Please take off
that silly hat.Copy !req
272. Mexico!
I... I can't talk right now.Copy !req
273. You okay?Copy !req
274. Yeah, babe.Copy !req
275. I got to pee,
but I don't want to move.Copy !req
276. I'm so comfortable right now.Copy !req
277. I can pause it.Copy !req
278. I guess you could
pause it...Copy !req
279. but you can't pause me!Copy !req
280. Fast forward.
Fast forward.Copy !req
281. Fast forward.
Glenn, stop.Copy !req
282. I can't breathe.
I can't breathe either.Copy !req
283. This is torture
for me, too.Copy !req
284. No fair. Stop.Copy !req
285. I'm going to...Copy !req
286. Sorry.Copy !req
287. Ah, that's all right.
It's just your body.Copy !req
288. Sometimes things slip out.Copy !req
289. Probably just making
room for something.Copy !req
290. Like what?Copy !req
291. Hey, gang, got room for one more
right in the middle of you two?Copy !req
292. Come on, scooch apart, there.Copy !req
293. Ooh, what's this?
Quagmire's cell phone?Copy !req
294. Well, now that you're with Meg,Copy !req
295. you don't need to be talking to,
uh, "Backbush" anymore.Copy !req
296. Oh, and I'll send a text to
"Possible Nipple Ring"Copy !req
297. saying you're off the market.Copy !req
298. You're "Possible Nipple Ring"?Copy !req
299. All right, well, I better
send a text to "Backbush."Copy !req
300. Oh, come on.
I'm "Backbush"?Copy !req
301. This can't be a
surprise to you, Peter.Copy !req
302. Yeah, I knew.Copy !req
303. I just didn't know you knew.Copy !req
304. Okay, what compound is this?Copy !req
305. That's sodium chloride.Copy !req
306. That's right.
How about this one?Copy !req
307. Hydrogen peroxide.Copy !req
308. God, you're so smart.
How about this one?Copy !req
309. QM2? I'm not sure
what that is.Copy !req
310. It's Quag-megium.Copy !req
311. It's the strongest
compound on Earth.Copy !req
312. Nothing can separate it.Copy !req
313. It has an atomic weight
of awesome.Copy !req
314. You're such a
cutie patootie.Copy !req
315. If I'm a cutie patootie, then
you're a peenie-vageenie.Copy !req
316. Aww!Copy !req
317. I heard a cute "aw" in there.
Cool down!Copy !req
318. Meg, there's something
we need to talk about.Copy !req
319. Dad, I swear to God, I thought
you could flush those things.Copy !req
320. Meg, you ever heard
of Joan Van Ark?
No.Copy !req
321. Here's a picture
of Joan Van Ark.Copy !req
322. Oh, my God, she's gorgeous.Copy !req
323. Gorgeous. Yes.Copy !req
324. Yes, Meg, gorgeous.Copy !req
325. Yes.
Every man wanted her.Copy !req
326. But one man got her.Copy !req
327. A man she trusted to keep her
safe and beautiful forever.Copy !req
328. That man was Glenn Quagmire.Copy !req
329. And two short months later,Copy !req
330. this is what happened
to Joan Van Ark.Copy !req
331. Oh! Oh, my God!Copy !req
332. I don't want this
to happen to you, Meg.Copy !req
333. I don't want you to turn
into a hilarious photograph.Copy !req
334. Dad, I know what
you're trying to do,Copy !req
335. and I want you
to stop it.Copy !req
336. Mom!Copy !req
337. What is it, Meg?Copy !req
338. Mom, tell Dad
to leave me alone.Copy !req
339. I'm 18, and he keeps
treating me like a kid.Copy !req
340. Peter, I told you not to push
her about this Quagmire thing.Copy !req
341. If you push too hard,
you're going to push her
right into his arms.Copy !req
342. Well, what am I supposed to do?Copy !req
343. Nothing.Copy !req
344. This is a big game
Meg is playing,Copy !req
345. and the only way to win
is not to play it.Copy !req
346. Is that a WarGames reference?
Might be.Copy !req
347. You know WarGames?
Yeah.Copy !req
348. Still finding out
new stuff about you.Copy !req
349. That's the adventure.Copy !req
350. There's a nerd in there.Copy !req
351. Maybe there is.Copy !req
352. I might bang her later.Copy !req
353. How about a nice
game of chess?Copy !req
354. I prefer banging.Copy !req
355. Dad, have you seen my book bag?Copy !req
356. What, Chris?Copy !req
357. Oh, Peter, there you are.Copy !req
358. Would you go tell Meg
that lunch is on the table?Copy !req
359. Oh, Meg's not here.
What do you mean?Copy !req
360. She and Quagmire went up
to his cabin for the weekend.
What?Copy !req
361. Yeah, I drew you
a crude flip bookCopy !req
362. to explain what's happening.Copy !req
363. Okay, I got
a little off track there,Copy !req
364. but they went to his cabin.Copy !req
365. Peter, Quagmire has
a name for that cabin.Copy !req
366. He calls it his sex cabin.Copy !req
367. No, he doesn't.
He calls it "The Stuffet Inn."Copy !req
368. Oh, my God, I can't believe
you knew about thisCopy !req
369. and you let her go.Copy !req
370. Hey, don't give me that crap.Copy !req
371. I'm doing exactly
what you told me to do.Copy !req
372. You said don't mess with her
business, so I didn't.Copy !req
373. Peter, this is different.Copy !req
374. It's one thing to
rebelliously flaunt an older guyCopy !req
375. in front of your parents,
but it's a whole other thingCopy !req
376. to go away with him for the
weekend to his sex cabin.Copy !req
377. Oh, is that right?Copy !req
378. Oh, don't worry, Peter, he's
not going to sleep with her.Copy !req
379. That's you. Nerd.Copy !req
380. Look, everyone knows if you go
away with a guy for the weekendCopy !req
381. and don't have sex with him,
you're a huge bitch.Copy !req
382. We got to stop them.Copy !req
383. So you admit you were wrong.
Yes.Copy !req
384. You admit you were stupid.
Yes, yes.Copy !req
385. You admit all women are stupid.
No.Copy !req
386. All right, I'll take
what I can get.Copy !req
387. Come on.
To the Peter-dactyl.Copy !req
388. Oh, no, now I got
to take care of the babies.Copy !req
389. Look, Peter,
his car's still there.Copy !req
390. Maybe they haven't left yet.Copy !req
391. Quagmire, let me in,
you son of a bitch.Copy !req
392. I'm sorry
I'm not home to receive you.Copy !req
393. The reason being that you have
sufficiently scared me awayCopy !req
394. from your wife or daughter.Copy !req
395. I plan to get help and use
better judgment in the future.Copy !req
396. Wait a minute, so QuagmireCopy !req
397. just changed all of a
sudden, just like that?Copy !req
398. You want me to read this or not?Copy !req
399. No, Grandpa, I don't.Copy !req
400. No kid wants to be read
anything anymore.Copy !req
401. Computers exist.
It's just you won't leave.Copy !req
402. Okay, where were we?
Quagmire's front door.Copy !req
403. You think they're
hiding in there?Copy !req
404. Oh, no! Peter, look.Copy !req
405. See you later, suckers.Copy !req
406. Oh, good luck to them.
Peter!Copy !req
407. Oh, right, right.
Let's go.Copy !req
408. We're never going
to get up there.Copy !req
409. I wonder what's causing
all this traffic.Copy !req
410. Oh, boy.
Yep, there's the problem.Copy !req
411. Not drawn yet.Copy !req
412. Come on, guys.
Really? Let's go.Copy !req
413. What the hell's
going on up there?Copy !req
414. What...? Yep. Yep.Copy !req
415. So tell the truth.Copy !req
416. Have you brought
other women up here before?Copy !req
417. Honestly? Two.
Really?Copy !req
418. Yep, I brought the ashes
of my third grade teacher,Copy !req
419. Mrs. Nicholson, and spread
them across the lake,Copy !req
420. per her last request.Copy !req
421. Oh.Copy !req
422. The other was some skagCopy !req
423. I met on a dock
four miles from here.
What?Copy !req
424. Strike four, Jelly Jealouson.Copy !req
425. The other was my sister.Copy !req
426. It's so nice up here.Copy !req
427. I know.
I love the way the fireCopy !req
428. makes the shadows dance around
behind us.Copy !req
429. One time, my friends
and I went camping,Copy !req
430. and nobody could
start a campfire,Copy !req
431. and then I tried to start
the campfire, and I could.Copy !req
432. That's insane.Copy !req
433. Wha— what is going on
over here?Copy !req
434. Wha— are we taking
our shirts off now?Copy !req
435. Okay, follow the leader.Copy !req
436. Come on, Peter, hurry!Copy !req
437. Wait, wait,
hold on, hold on, hold on.Copy !req
438. Listen to that.
It's a loon.Copy !req
439. That's beautiful.Copy !req
440. You know, we ought to get
a cabin up here.Copy !req
441. Peter, we're wasting time.Copy !req
442. Quagmire's in there about to
have sex with our daughter.Copy !req
443. That son of a bitch.Copy !req
444. Let's— wait— w-wait
a minute, do you hear that?Copy !req
445. I don't hear anything.Copy !req
446. I know.
Isn't it bliss?Copy !req
447. Peter, let's go!Copy !req
448. Mm. Thanks for
the ice cream, Glenn.Copy !req
449. And you're right, somehowCopy !req
450. it does taste better
in my underpants.Copy !req
451. Yeah, it's like being
at the beach, huh?Copy !req
452. Now get over here while
the inside of your mouthCopy !req
453. is still freezing cold.Copy !req
454. There you are,
you son of a bitch!Copy !req
455. You get away from
my daughter, you pervert!Copy !req
456. Meg, get in the car,
we're going home.Copy !req
457. I'm not going home!Copy !req
458. I'm 18, and you can't tell
me what to do anymore.Copy !req
459. Meg, I'm only going
to say this once.Copy !req
460. You may be an adult,
but you're still my daughter,Copy !req
461. and it's my job to protect
you from errant wieners.Copy !req
462. So, I don't care
how old you are,Copy !req
463. you're going to do what I say
and get in the damn car!Copy !req
464. Yes, Daddy.Copy !req
465. If you ever touch
my daughter again,Copy !req
466. I will cut your thing off
and feed it to Brian.
Okay.Copy !req
467. And Peter and I get this cabin
for one weekend a month.Copy !req
468. Do you understand me?Copy !req
469. Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
470. Peter, I got us the cabin.
Yay.Copy !req
471. I don't want to see your
face knocking on our doorCopy !req
472. for at least a month.Copy !req
473. Would you sign the
guest book on your way out?Copy !req
474. Lois... Griffin.Copy !req
475. Peter... Griffin.Copy !req
476. We... heard... a loon.Copy !req
477. You know, Mom and Dad, I'm
really glad that you kept meCopy !req
478. from doing what
I was going to do.Copy !req
479. Well, that's what
parents are for, Meg.Copy !req
480. No matter what age you are.Copy !req
481. We love you and we just
never want to see you hurt.Copy !req
482. I only wish I'd seen
what was going onCopy !req
483. from the start,
like your father did.Copy !req
484. Well, I know the signs...Copy !req
485. because the same thing
happened to me.Copy !req
486. An older neighbor.Copy !req
487. Her name was Elaine.Copy !req
488. I was 18 and my body was firm
from push-ups and sit-ups.Copy !req
489. I was stunning.Copy !req
490. But while my body was mature,Copy !req
491. I had the mind of a 12-year-old.Copy !req
492. Elaine invited me over
with the promise of pie.Copy !req
493. Little did I know
this would leadCopy !req
494. to an eight-year-long
psychosexual entanglement.Copy !req
495. She's probably dead now.Copy !req
496. Life's funny sometimes.Copy !req
497. And... scene.Copy !req