1. Bye.
Bye.Copy !req
2. When you're a kid,Copy !req
3. one of the most important
lessons you learnCopy !req
4. is when your parents tell you
to do something...Copy !req
5. Y'all better eat that liver.Copy !req
6. Yes, ma'am.
Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
7. you do it...Copy !req
8. no matter what you think...Copy !req
9. Boy, get your feet
off my good chair.Copy !req
10. Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
11. no matter what it is.Copy !req
12. Girl, are you crazy?Copy !req
13. You want to cook your
brother, do it outside.Copy !req
14. Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
15. No matter how you feel.Copy !req
16. Chris, clear off the table
and do the dishes.Copy !req
17. No.Copy !req
18. What?Copy !req
19. Will I say what I said again?Copy !req
20. Will my mother kill meCopy !req
21. before I get a chance
to say it?Copy !req
22. Are Drew and Tonya gonna sit
there and just let this happen?Copy !req
23. Don't touch that dial.Copy !req
24. Captioning sponsored byCopy !req
25. Captioning sponsored byCopy !req
26. After saying no to my mother
for the first time,Copy !req
27. I didn't know what to expect.Copy !req
28. What did you say?Copy !req
29. I said no.Copy !req
30. Twice.Copy !req
31. That's what I thought you said.Copy !req
32. Now say it again.Copy !req
33. Mom, I didn't eat all the dinner
by myself.Copy !req
34. I shouldn't have to clean it
all up by myself.Copy !req
35. I don't wear all the clothes,
but I wash them by myself.Copy !req
36. I don't sleep
in all the beds
in this house,Copy !req
37. but I make them up by myself.Copy !req
38. I don't pee
in all of the toiletsCopy !req
39. in this house
by myself...!Copy !req
40. Mom, Drew and Tonya
sitting right thereCopy !req
41. doing nothing.
Why can't they help?Copy !req
42. Because I told you to do it.Copy !req
43. Now I don't want to hear
no more back talk.Copy !req
44. Now clean this mess up.Copy !req
45. No. I'm not gonna do it.Copy !req
46. Lord... please help me before
I knock this boy's neck off.Copy !req
47. Eight...Copy !req
48. nine...Copy !req
49. t-ten!Copy !req
50. I wouldn't see a woman
that perplexed againCopy !req
51. until Palin found out
her daughter was knocked up.Copy !req
52. Now are you gonna clean up
this tableCopy !req
53. or do I need to tell
your father?Copy !req
54. Whenever there was a problem
my mother couldn't handle,Copy !req
55. she'd call my father
for backup,Copy !req
56. like the governor bringing in
the National Guard.Copy !req
57. Ow!Copy !req
58. What's the situation?Copy !req
59. Chris won't do
what I told him.Copy !req
60. You want me to do some dishes?Copy !req
61. I'll do some dishes!Copy !req
62. I'll handle this.Copy !req
63. Oh! That was my...Copy !req
64. Yes!Copy !req
65. You know what?Copy !req
66. Go ahead. Tell him.Copy !req
67. I don't care.Copy !req
68. Fine.Copy !req
69. Drew, Tonya,
come clean this table upCopy !req
70. and wash the dishes.Copy !req
71. Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
72. I enjoyed time with my father,Copy !req
73. but I was afraid
this might be the last time.Copy !req
74. Where have you been?Copy !req
75. I stopped to get coffee.Copy !req
76. With his coffee coupon.Copy !req
77. Oh, coffee.
Oh, yeah, that-that's nice.Copy !req
78. Well, while you were out
taking your timeCopy !req
79. sipping on coffee,Copy !req
80. uh, your son was here
staging a coup!Copy !req
81. A coup?Copy !req
82. WhatCopy !req
83. Chris!Copy !req
84. I spent 20 hours of labor
pushing out that big-eared boy,Copy !req
85. and he turns around
and does this to me?Copy !req
86. Does whatCopy !req
87. What did he do
You're on his side now?Copy !req
88. No, no, I'm just trying
to find out what's going on.Copy !req
89. Oh, what's going on,
what's going on.Copy !req
90. Let me think about
what's going on.Copy !req
91. Your son is trying to kill me.Copy !req
92. That's what's
going on!Copy !req
93. I-I cook, I clean, I careCopy !req
94. for this family,
and what do I get in return?Copy !req
95. Just a full-scale mutiny!Copy !req
96. Led by a childCopy !req
97. who I bore for a manCopy !req
98. who's supposed to love and honor
and protect me!Copy !req
99. You know,Copy !req
100. I thought we were all
in this together,Copy !req
101. but you know what?Copy !req
102. I'm finding out now
that I'm just by myself!Copy !req
103. Rochelle, what did he do?Copy !req
104. I told Chris to wash the dishes.Copy !req
105. And he told me, "No."Copy !req
106. And what do you do?Copy !req
107. Nothing!Copy !req
108. While my father was trying
to figure out what to do,Copy !req
109. I was starting to realize
what I had done.Copy !req
110. What are you doing
here so early?Copy !req
111. It's a long story.Copy !req
112. Why you here?Copy !req
113. I'm always here
for breakfast.Copy !req
114. So what happened?Copy !req
115. I talked back to my mother;
she's telling my father;Copy !req
116. and I had to get out the house
before he got home.Copy !req
117. What were you thinking?Copy !req
118. She's always
making me do workCopy !req
119. while Drew and Tonya sit around
like it's a hotel.Copy !req
120. I mean, why do I have to be
a maidCopy !req
121. Do I have on a black skirt
with a white apron?Copy !req
122. That's a whole other type
of maid.Copy !req
123. You're a fool.
Mothers do have limits.Copy !req
124. I mean, there's only so much
they can take.Copy !req
125. You know, one day you just
refuse to do the housework,Copy !req
126. and then the next day
you wake up,Copy !req
127. and there's some Italian lady
naked in your kitchenCopy !req
128. at midnight eating
all your spumoni ice cream,Copy !req
129. and your dad comes out
and he's, like,Copy !req
130. "Hey, just, you know,
go back to bed.Copy !req
131. Forget all about it, Greg."Copy !req
132. Well, after my dad
knocks my brains out,Copy !req
133. I won't have to worry
about remembering anything.Copy !req
134. While I was trying to savor
my last day of life,Copy !req
135. Mr. Omar was trying
to savor a last meal.Copy !req
136. So, the next thing I know,
the doctors callCopy !req
137. and say I've gone
from a clean bill of healthCopy !req
138. to who knows how much time
left to live.Copy !req
139. Tragic.Copy !req
140. You see, most people are
decapitated by flying hubcaps.Copy !req
141. Or fall down a flight of stepsCopy !req
142. and get strangled
between banister rails.Copy !req
143. So knowing when I'm gonna die
allows me to make the mostCopy !req
144. of my remaining days
and get my affairs in order.Copy !req
145. And he doesn't mean
business affairs.Copy !req
146. So from now on,
I'm gonna do the thingsCopy !req
147. I want to do
and say the thingsCopy !req
148. I want to say without worrying
about the consequences.Copy !req
149. Hey, Mr. Omar.Copy !req
150. Oh, hey, Mr. Julius.Copy !req
151. Unfortunately, I'm here
to give my 19-day notice.Copy !req
152. You moving out?Copy !req
153. Mm, no, more like moving on.Copy !req
154. Where you going?Copy !req
155. Well, that's the great mystery
of life,Copy !req
156. isn't it, Mr. Julius?Copy !req
157. Where do we go when we die?Copy !req
158. Dying? Mr. Omar,
that's terrible.Copy !req
159. Oh, no, it's not.Copy !req
160. 'Cause for the next 19 days,
I'm gonna be living it up!Copy !req
161. Pass me the meatballs.Copy !req
162. Okay.Copy !req
163. Whoa-whoa-whoa,
where's Chris?Copy !req
164. Chris said he had to work late.Copy !req
165. Good, then he'll be home soon.Copy !req
166. Julius,Copy !req
167. your son is trying to kill me.Copy !req
168. Go find him and stop him.Copy !req
169. With my father on the way
to Doc's,Copy !req
170. I was a dead man working.Copy !req
171. We need to talk.Copy !req
172. I just need
to understandCopy !req
173. why you would talk
to your mother like that.Copy !req
174. Dad, Drew and Tonya
were sitting down watching TV,Copy !req
175. and I'm the only one
Mom said to go clean up.Copy !req
176. It's just not fair.Copy !req
177. You raised me to stand up
for myself,Copy !req
178. so why do I get in trouble
when I do it at home?Copy !req
179. Look, Chris, you might
win the battle,Copy !req
180. but you're gonna
lose the war.Copy !req
181. Sometimes it's not
about just being right.Copy !req
182. Hey, look,Copy !req
183. you need to apologize
to your mother.Copy !req
184. Why?Copy !req
185. Because she will make
your life miserable.Copy !req
186. You know how many times
I've been rightCopy !req
187. and still had
to apologize?Copy !req
188. 469,531 times.Copy !req
189. And counting.Copy !req
190. How is that even possible?Copy !req
191. Because she doesn't care.Copy !req
192. It doesn't make any sense.Copy !req
193. Exactly.Copy !req
194. Look, that's the #1 ruleCopy !req
195. of living with women:
nothing makes sense.Copy !req
196. When you learn this,Copy !req
197. then you'll finally understand
what it is to be a man.Copy !req
198. Wrong or right, you
still have to be sorry.Copy !req
199. I had survived the walk home.Copy !req
200. Now all I had to do
was apologize,Copy !req
201. and my life would go back
to normal.Copy !req
202. So did you
talk to him?Copy !req
203. I talked to him.Copy !req
204. Good.Copy !req
205. Chris, clean up the table
and do the dishes.Copy !req
206. No.Copy !req
207. Well, it's been nice
knowing you, America.Copy !req
208. I had put my foot down.Copy !req
209. But unfortunately,
it was into my own grave.Copy !req
210. So I thought
you talked to him?Copy !req
211. I did.Copy !req
212. And he's got a point.Copy !req
213. What?Copy !req
214. Why should Drew and Tonya
watch TVCopy !req
215. while Chris cleans up
their mess?Copy !req
216. I do not have to explain
to him why I doCopy !req
217. the things
that I do.Copy !req
218. If I want him to do somethingCopy !req
219. that I don't want
the other kids to do,Copy !req
220. I probably have a good reason!Copy !req
221. And do you have a good reason?
No.Copy !req
222. But that doesn't matter!Copy !req
223. He's growing up, Rochelle.Copy !req
224. If you ask him to do something
that seems unfair,Copy !req
225. he's gonna
want to know why.Copy !req
226. You wanted a strong-minded kid,
well, you got one.Copy !req
227. Oh.Copy !req
228. Okay, I-I see.Copy !req
229. Oh, if he wants to be grown,Copy !req
230. then he's grown.Copy !req
231. Fine.Copy !req
232. How come when a woman
says "fine,"Copy !req
233. it's never actually fine?Copy !req
234. First thing in the morning,Copy !req
235. my mother did
the meanest thing yet: nothing.Copy !req
236. Why didn't you wake me up?
I'm late for school.Copy !req
237. You're grown.
Wake yourself up.Copy !req
238. You don't want to
do nothing for me,Copy !req
239. I ain't doing
nothing for you.Copy !req
240. And she didn't.Copy !req
241. She didn't do my laundry.Copy !req
242. Where are my underwear?Copy !req
243. You're grown.
Wash your own drawers.Copy !req
244. She didn't make my meals.Copy !req
245. Where's my breakfast?Copy !req
246. You're grown.Copy !req
247. You can cook your own food.Copy !req
248. While my mother was teaching me
a lesson about life,Copy !req
249. Mr. Omar was giving out
lessons about death.Copy !req
250. And I also will take that helmet
and those death darts.Copy !req
251. That's a Crock-Pot
and pens, man.Copy !req
252. Not in the jungle,
it's not.Copy !req
253. You know, I can makeCopy !req
254. a hand grenade out of a can
of Cheez Whiz and a dress sock.Copy !req
255. Well, you need to use it
to blow your own brains out.Copy !req
256. Don't they have centers
for people like you?Copy !req
257. Bye.Copy !req
258. Excuse me.Copy !req
259. Hey, Monk.
Hey, Julius.Copy !req
260. Hey, aloha,
Mr. Julius.Copy !req
261. You can't have all these people
in the hallway.Copy !req
262. What you gonna do about it?Copy !req
263. I'm dying.Copy !req
264. Mr. Omar, these people
are turning my houseCopy !req
265. into a fire hazard.Copy !req
266. Well, with all that asbestosCopy !req
267. in the walls and ceiling,Copy !req
268. you ain't got to worry
about no fire.Copy !req
269. It's the asthma
that's gonna kill you.Copy !req
270. Excuse me?
You're cheap!Copy !req
271. You're a bald-headed,Copy !req
272. penny-pinching skinflint.Copy !req
273. Watch yourself, Mr. Omar.Copy !req
274. What's to watch? I'm dying.Copy !req
275. While my father was thinking
about breaking a lampCopy !req
276. over Mr. Omar's head,Copy !req
277. I was trying not to break down.Copy !req
278. Dude, you look terrible.Copy !req
279. I know. It was
a rough morning.Copy !req
280. Mom decided she's not gonna
do anything for me anymore.Copy !req
281. Barely made it
to school.Copy !req
282. If you back down now, you'll
miss the one chance you haveCopy !req
283. to make sure
your voice is heard.
I know.Copy !req
284. All I have to do is stick it out
just a little bit longer.Copy !req
285. She's been mad at me before,
and she'll be mad at me again.Copy !req
286. What's she gonna do,Copy !req
287. not be my mother anymore?Copy !req
288. I'd like to return
this child.Copy !req
289. Do you have the receipt?Copy !req
290. Sure do.Copy !req
291. Looks good.Copy !req
292. Take this to the cashier
for your refund.Copy !req
293. Thank you.Copy !req
294. I was trying to become
my own person,Copy !req
295. but my mother still thought
she owned me.Copy !req
296. What you think
you're doing?Copy !req
297. I'm making breakfast.Copy !req
298. With my eggs?Copy !req
299. No, I bought the eggs,
and I bought the bacon.Copy !req
300. Oh.Copy !req
301. Well, you ain't
buy that skillet.Copy !req
302. You ain't buy that fire.Copy !req
303. You ain't buy that spatula.
You ain't buy that plate.Copy !req
304. Next time, I'll remember
to buy a paper plate.Copy !req
305. Ooh! Next time?Copy !req
306. Oh, next...? "Oh, next time,
I'll remember to buy a paper..."Copy !req
307. No, next time,Copy !req
308. you need to remember
this ain't your kitchen!Copy !req
309. This ain't your stove.
This ain't your floor.Copy !req
310. Those ain't your
frozen gizzards.Copy !req
311. That ain't your...!
You say none of this is mine,Copy !req
312. maybe I should find
someplace else to be.Copy !req
313. Uh-oh!Copy !req
314. Did y'all see that?Copy !req
315. I guess he
jumping bad now.Copy !req
316. You bad!
I guess you Shaft!Copy !req
317. You's a bad mother...Copy !req
318. Shut your mouth! No.Copy !req
319. Since you're so independent,
so liberated,Copy !req
320. maybe you need to go live
in the Statue of Liberty.Copy !req
321. Fine.Copy !req
322. I'm leaving.Copy !req
323. I stood my ground,Copy !req
324. and now I was gonna be
standing out on the street.Copy !req
325. I left the house
before my motherCopy !req
326. asked for her suitcase back.Copy !req
327. Just say you're sorry.Copy !req
328. What for?Copy !req
329. Because you just got kicked out.Copy !req
330. Look, I don't care, all right?Copy !req
331. It's better than doing
everyone else's work.Copy !req
332. If you had been
cleaning up after meCopy !req
333. for the past ten years,
you'd know how I felt.Copy !req
334. How you gonna eat?Copy !req
335. I-I got a job.Copy !req
336. Where you gonna stay?Copy !req
337. I'll find a place.Copy !req
338. Will you quit being stupid,Copy !req
339. and go clean the kitchen
like Mama told you?Copy !req
340. Look, if you want it clean
so bad, you go do it.Copy !req
341. So you're really leaving?Copy !req
342. Yeah.Copy !req
343. Well, can I have your radio?Copy !req
344. Fine.Copy !req
345. Good luck, Chris.Copy !req
346. Yeah, since
this morning.Copy !req
347. I mean, you know,
it's not a big deal,Copy !req
348. but if Chris calls,
can you let me know?Copy !req
349. Okay.Copy !req
350. Thanks, Doc.Copy !req
351. Why is this table such a mess?Copy !req
352. Somebody fired the maid.Copy !req
353. 'Cause I'm not gonna
clean it up.Copy !req
354. They're not gonna
clean it up.Copy !req
355. When I find him,
Chris is gonnaCopy !req
356. clean it up.
When you find him?Copy !req
357. Chris and Mom got
into another fight.Copy !req
358. And she threw him
out of the house.Copy !req
359. What do you mean,
you threw him out?Copy !req
360. I may have impliedCopy !req
361. that since he was
so self-sufficient,Copy !req
362. that maybe he should live
someplace else.Copy !req
363. And then he left.Copy !req
364. You telling me
you kicked our son outCopy !req
365. because he didn't
do the dishes?Copy !req
366. Exactly.Copy !req
367. Not exactly.Copy !req
368. But it's the principle, Julius!Copy !req
369. Do you know what the wordsCopy !req
370. "too far" mean?Copy !req
371. Actually, she didn't.Copy !req
372. You're cutting the boy's arm offCopy !req
373. for sticking his finger
in the fan.Copy !req
374. What?Copy !req
375. Cutting off his arm?Copy !req
376. I don't get it.Copy !req
377. So am I the fan?Copy !req
378. I'm pretty sure
Chris is the arm.Copy !req
379. No, I think
the arm is the arm.Copy !req
380. Chris is the boy.
Yeah, Chris is the boy.Copy !req
381. Look, sticking his finger
in the fanCopy !req
382. is just the equivalent
of doing something stupid.Copy !req
383. Like talking
back to Mom.
Right.Copy !req
384. So cutting the arm off is
kicking him out of the house?Copy !req
385. Exactly.
So if he stuckCopy !req
386. his finger in the fan,
and I didn't like it,Copy !req
387. cutting his arm off
so he wouldn't do it againCopy !req
388. wouldn't help.
Wouldn't help.Copy !req
389. Oh.
Oh.Copy !req
390. Got it.Copy !req
391. I'm-I'm gonna go find Chris.Copy !req
392. It's Saturday.
He probably just wentCopy !req
393. someplace in the neighborhood
to cool off.Copy !req
394. Hopefully, not under a fan.Copy !req
395. While my dad was talking sense
into his woman,Copy !req
396. a woman was talking
some sense into me.Copy !req
397. Boy, are you crazy?Copy !req
398. You are lucky she
just threw you out.Copy !req
399. But, V...
Chris, you challenged
her authority.Copy !req
400. You left her no choice.Copy !req
401. So if me or Tonya say no,Copy !req
402. are you just gonna
kick us out, too?Copy !req
403. Yes!
No.Copy !req
404. I didn't kick him out, Drew.Copy !req
405. He left.Copy !req
406. After you kicked him out.Copy !req
407. He only left
because you told himCopy !req
408. to go live in
the Statue of Liberty.Copy !req
409. Okay, how am ICopy !req
410. supposed to talk to her if she
won't listen to anything I say?Copy !req
411. Chris, you are a child.Copy !req
412. Parents don't negotiateCopy !req
413. with children.Copy !req
414. Even though I hate Chris,Copy !req
415. I still wish
he would come back home.Copy !req
416. I don't want himCopy !req
417. to get stabbed
or shotCopy !req
418. or turned out
or hooked on drugs.Copy !req
419. Your brother is not
gonna get hooked on drugs.Copy !req
420. Actually, he probably will.Copy !req
421. Runaways tend to fall intoCopy !req
422. dangerous situations
pretty quickly.Copy !req
423. And drugs and alcohol
provide a sedativeCopy !req
424. to the trauma and isolation.Copy !req
425. Chris, you need to goCopy !req
426. back home.Copy !req
427. Why? It's just gonna
happen again.Copy !req
428. What if he doesn't
come back?Copy !req
429. If he does,Copy !req
430. it's just gonna happen again.Copy !req
431. You know, if it was me
and it was my kid,Copy !req
432. I think I would've
thought ofCopy !req
433. a different way
to say what I said,Copy !req
434. so that my kid still
learned his lessonCopy !req
435. while keeping
our family together.Copy !req
436. It's dishes!Copy !req
437. You're acting like she told youCopy !req
438. to bring down
the mob!Copy !req
439. Actually, the mob wasCopy !req
440. slightly less vindictive
than my mother.Copy !req
441. Hey, Vanessa.Copy !req
442. Chris, let's go.Copy !req
443. While me and my motherCopy !req
444. were still bent out of shape,Copy !req
445. Mr. Omar was about
to straighten something out.Copy !req
446. Oh, hey, Mr. Julius!Copy !req
447. Chris, go upstairs.Copy !req
448. And don't say anything to
your mother till I get up there.Copy !req
449. I don't want her
throwing you out again.Copy !req
450. Hey, Chris!Copy !req
451. What?Copy !req
452. Um, I was wondering
had you rented my apartment yet.Copy !req
453. You forgot to say,
"bald-headed skinflint."Copy !req
454. Yeah.Copy !req
455. About that: I just wanted
to say I'm very sorry.Copy !req
456. Whatever.Copy !req
457. What difference is it to youCopy !req
458. whether I rented
the place anyway?Copy !req
459. Won't you be dead?Copy !req
460. Uh, no, no.Copy !req
461. Uh, turned out,Copy !req
462. there was a mistake.Copy !req
463. I got Mr. Watkins' prognosis,
and he got mine.Copy !req
464. Who is Mr. Watkins?Copy !req
465. He's the guy that's dyingCopy !req
466. instead of me.Copy !req
467. Yeah, misdiagnosed
with a terminal conditionCopy !req
468. by a doctor
with a nearsighted nurse.Copy !req
469. Tragic. Tragic!Copy !req
470. Well... I guess
that's good news.Copy !req
471. Uh, look, look, look,
Mr., Mr. Julius,Copy !req
472. Mr. Julius.Copy !req
473. I was speaking my mind,Copy !req
474. but my mind
wasn't in the right place.Copy !req
475. So you don't think
I'm a bald-headed...Copy !req
476. Don't say it!Copy !req
477. Don't you ever say that.Copy !req
478. You're a good man, Mr. Julius.Copy !req
479. Mr. Omar,Copy !req
480. next time you think
you're dying,Copy !req
481. before you start calling
people names, be sure.Copy !req
482. Rent's due on the first.Copy !req
483. Hallelujah!Copy !req
484. All right, first of all,Copy !req
485. in the future, no kid gets
thrown out of the houseCopy !req
486. unless we both throw them out.Copy !req
487. Second,Copy !req
488. your mother's in charge.Copy !req
489. When she tells you
to do something, you do it.Copy !req
490. You got it?Copy !req
491. I'm talking to everybody here.Copy !req
492. Now, do we all understand?Copy !req
493. Yes.Copy !req
494. Good.Copy !req
495. Chris, apologize to your mother.Copy !req
496. I'm sorry.Copy !req
497. Sorry for what?Copy !req
498. Mom, I'm sorry
for being disrespectfulCopy !req
499. and talking back to you.Copy !req
500. Good.Copy !req
501. Rochelle?Copy !req
502. Rochelle.Copy !req
503. Chris, I'm sorry
for being unreasonable.Copy !req
504. I know I was unfair.Copy !req
505. Okay.Copy !req
506. This is over and done.Copy !req
507. Chris, give your mother a hug.Copy !req
508. I'm sorry, baby.Copy !req
509. I love you.Copy !req
510. I'm sorry, too, Mom.Copy !req
511. Great.Copy !req
512. Drew, Tonya, go watch TV.Copy !req
513. Chris, clean this mess up.Copy !req
514. Yeah, baby!Copy !req