1. Happy New Year, Chris!
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2. New Year's Eve
was big in Bed-Stuy
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3. because it gave everybody
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4. a chance to make
new resolutions.
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5. Unfortunately, most people
didn't follow through on them.
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6. Not my mother.
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7. This year, I'm going to stop
yelling at my children.
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8. No, you're not!
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9. Who put a glass on my table
without a coaster?
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10. Not my sister.
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11. This year I'm not going to
get Chris in trouble anymore.
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12. Yes, you will.
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13. Who's been in my make!
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14. Chris did it!
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15. Not my father.
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16. I'm going to stop
worrying about money.
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17. Stop lying!
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18. Chris, close that door!
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19. You just let out 86 cent
worth of refrigeration.
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20. Not my brother.
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21. This year, I'm not going to take
any more girls from Chris.
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22. We'll see about that.
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23. That's so
sweet, Drew.
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24. Who's Chris?
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25. I'm Chris.
You came in with me.
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26. But I was going
to be different.
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27. Last year, this is how
I celebrated New Year's Eve.
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28. So I made a resolution
that my next New Year's Eve
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29. would be different.
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30. So, you doing anything special
for New Year's Eve, Chris?
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31. I'm going down
to Times Square to
watch the ball drop.
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32. Times Square?
You crazy?
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33. The only people down there
are drunks and pickpockets.
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34. I don't care, it's the biggest
New Year's celebration on Earth
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35. and I live 20 minutes
from it and I haven't been.
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36. Well...,
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37. I sell New Year's,
I don't celebrate it.
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38. Why not?
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39. Because anything could happen.
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40. You remember when
Michael Jackson
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41. got his hair caught on fire?
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42. I bet you any money
he celebrated New Year's.
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43. And look what happened.
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44. If I get through tonight,
I'll celebrate tomorrow.
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45. Doc was the only person
I knew who celebrated
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46. Old New Year's Eve.
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47. Is your mama going
to let you go down there?
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48. I don't see why not.
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49. All I got to do is ask.
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50. Ma, can I go
to Times Square
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51. to watch
the ball drop?
No.
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52. Happy New Year!
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53. Captioning sponsored by
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54. Captioning sponsored by
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55. I wanted to be in Times Square
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56. when the clock struck midnight,
but I struck out.
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57. Come on, ma, why not?
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58. I mean all we do is
stay up till 11:59,
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59. say, "Happy New Year,"
blow a noisemaker,
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60. and then go to sleep.
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61. I want to do
something different.
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62. Like what?
Get drunk,
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63. rip your shirt off
in the freezing cold
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64. and have the cops
arrest you
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65. and spend the first day
of the new year in jail?
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66. Who wants to do that?
Lindsay Lohan!
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67. Well, obviously, you do.
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68. That's what happens to people
who go to Times Square.
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69. I just want to see
the ball drop.
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70. You can't
go with me?
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71. I don't have
the time, Chris.
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72. I got to soak my
black eyed peas,
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73. I got to pull my greens,
I got to clean them...
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74. She's a bale of cotton away
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75. from setting us back
300 years.
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76. Why do you have to do all that
stuff every year anyway?
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77. It's a tradition, Chris.
It's for good luck.
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78. There's a reason black people
think vegetables are lucky.
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79. They're coming, quick,
hide behind these greens.
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80. Should've ate some greens
before I came and asked you.
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81. Ooh, you better watch your mouth
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82. unless you want to get
smacked into the new year.
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83. Drew, Tonya, get in here!
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84. Okay, here's the list.
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85. Make sure you
get everything.
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86. Can I stay up and watch
Rocking New Year's Eve?
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87. The Jets are on.
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88. The football team?
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89. No, they're a
singing group.
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90. They're just like
the Jacksons, only Samoan.
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91. Oh, fine, but just
hurry up, and, Drew,
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92. do not forget
the kitty litter.
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93. Okay.
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94. Meanwhile, my father was on
a bridge over troubled water.
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95. Hey, what's
going on up there?
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96. Some idiot's threatening
to jump off the bridge.
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97. Why couldn't he jump
off the Triborough?
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98. We're going to be
out here all day.
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99. What?
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100. Man, I'm trying to get home.
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101. While Tonya was
planning on staying up,
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102. Drew was planning on
taking her down.
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103. I don't know why
you're singing.
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104. You know you're going to fall
asleep before the Jets come on.
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105. You never make it
past 10:00.
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106. I bet you
I do tonight.
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107. I bet you don't.
How much?
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108. If you fall asleep,
you owe me 20 bucks.
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109. And if you fall
asleep, I'm going
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110. to glue your hand
to your face.
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111. I don't see how
since you won't have
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112. money for glue.
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113. Meanwhile, if I wanted
to keep my resolution,
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114. it was going to take
some resolve.
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115. Mom...
No, Chris.
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116. But I made one resolution and
that was to go to Times Square.
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117. That's not my fault.
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118. But it's my resolution.
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119. Is that what
you want for me,
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120. to end up in prison?
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121. What?
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122. I'm just saying,
I made a resolution
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123. and if I accept
no for an answer,
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124. that means
I accept defeat.
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125. Then I'll fall into
a crowd of people
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126. who have no hopes or dreams,
and eventually,
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127. I end up in the wrong place
at the wrong time
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128. doing the wrong thing
and that ends in prison.
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129. Well, can you find
somebody else to take you?
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130. I can try.
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131. Get out of here, boy.
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132. Back on the bridge,
a man was suicidal
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133. and my father
wanted to kill him.
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134. What are you
doing up here, man?
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135. Do you know you got
traffic backed up
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136. all the way to exit
the Lincoln Tunnel?
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137. It's New Year's Eve!
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138. People are trying
to get home.
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139. I can't do
anything right.
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140. So you think you can fix that
by jumping off a bridge?
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141. Give me one good
reason I shouldn't.
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142. He shouldn't have said that.
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143. What if everybody
who ever had a problem
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144. jumped off a bridge?
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145. Geraldine Ferraro
could've been
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146. our country's first
female Vice President,
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147. but her party lost.
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148. She didn't jump
off a bridge.
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149. Nelson Mandela's been
in jail for over 20 years.
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150. He didn't jump
off a bridge.
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151. Ivan Lendl got stomped
by Boris Becker at Wimbledon.
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152. Didn't jump off a bridge.
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153. Trevor Berbick,
he got knocked out
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154. by Mike Tyson in less
than five minutes.
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155. He didn't jump
off a bridge!
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156. Jermaine Jackson
got kicked out
of the Jacksons.
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157. My father was on the bridge,
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158. and soon after,
he was on the air.
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159. What!
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160. Quick, turn on the TV.
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161. Your father is on!
He stopped some guy
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162. from jumping off the
George Washington Bridge.
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163. Okay, I'll call you back.
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164. What channel?
All three of them.
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165. Jermaine Jackson got
kicked out of the Jacksons.
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166. He didn't jump off a bridge.
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167. Julius, you're
a real hero.
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168. You saved a life,
but more importantly,
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169. you got traffic moving again.
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170. Back to you at the studio.
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171. The Chicago Cubs haven't won
a World Series since 1908.
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172. They didn't jump off a bridge.
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173. James Earl Jones
lost the Oscar
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174. for his performance
in The Great White Hope.
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175. He didn't jump off a bridge.
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176. No.
Trevor Berbick
got knocked out
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177. by Mike Tyson
in less than five minutes.
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178. He did not jump off a bridge.
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179. Oh, my God,
your father's a star.
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180. Wow!
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181. Did he jump off a bridge? No.
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182. Well, Julius,
you're just full of—
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183. Remember that movie,
Top Gun?
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184. While my dad was
getting off the bridge,
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185. I was trying to
get out of the house.
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186. I can't believe
your dad saved a guy.
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187. That's so cool.
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188. You know, if that guy had been
a girl, he'd be so in there.
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189. Another one of Greg's
pickup techniques.
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190. If you stop a girl
from killing herself,
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191. she might go out with you.
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192. Listen, what you doing tonight?
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193. Well, my mom's got a
new boyfriend, he's Asian.
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194. They're talking about
going down to Times Square.
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195. What about you?
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196. Times Square, are you serious?
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197. I've been trying to find
somebody to take me
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198. 'cause my mom can't do it.
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199. Why don't you just come with us?
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200. Let me check with my mom,
I'll call you right back.
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201. All right, I'll talk to you.
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202. Ma, that was Greg.
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203. His mom is taking him
down to Times Square.
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204. You think I could
go with them?
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205. Greg? I guess that's okay.
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206. Thanks.
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207. Go get me some water.
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208. Hello?
Dude, it's Greg.
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209. What'd she say?
I got some bad news.
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210. They're going to
celebrate New Year's Eve,
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211. but it's not in Times Square,
it's in Tiananmen Square.
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212. And it's not tonight,
it's the Chinese New Year.
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213. So it's not till February.
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214. But she said you can
still come if you want.
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215. To China? No, I don't think
I'll be able to make it.
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216. Sorry, dude.
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217. Too bad I didn't make
a New Year's resolution
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218. to be depressed.
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219. Since Greg didn't
come through in the clutch,
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220. I decided to see who could
come through on the block.
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221. I tried Risky.
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222. My mom said if I can find a
responsible adult to take me
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223. I can go down to Times Square.
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224. Aw, sorry, man, I can't.
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225. I've got to deliver some
time-sensitive products.
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226. What type of products?
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227. 1986 calendars.
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228. I tried Mr. Omar.
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229. I'm sorry, Chris,
I can't take you.
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230. For an undertaker,
New Year's Eve is like
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231. the day before the
after Christmas sale.
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232. People act like drunken fools
tonight, and dead tomorrow.
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233. Tragic, tragic!
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234. I even tried Kill Moves.
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235. I had to start using the word
"responsible" loosely.
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236. Kill Moves, wake up.
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237. I'm awake, I just
got my eyes closed.
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238. I'm testing their opacity.
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239. What do you need?
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240. I was wondering if you
wanted to go with me tonight
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241. to see the ball drop
in Times Square.
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242. I would love to!
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243. But I can't see
through my eyelids,
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244. so I don't see what
the point would be.
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245. Hey, hey, Chris
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246. That New Year's Eve, my father
was on TV more than Dick Clark.
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247. Hey, look, there's
Dad on TV again!
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248. So, I climbed up the girder
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249. to where the guy
was sitting and I said,
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250. "What if everybody who ever had
a problem jumped off a bridge?"
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251. Climbed up a girder?
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252. To keep from falling asleep,
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253. Tonya got herself
a secret weapon.
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254. Instant coffee.
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255. For staying awake, it's the
next best thing to crack.
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256. Hey, Tonya,
come watch Dad on TV.
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257. I am, I just got to go
to the bathroom first.
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258. The Chicago Cubs haven't won
the World Series since 1908.
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259. They didn't
jump off a bridge.
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260. Dad's on TV again?
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261. Yeah, before he
talked that guy down,
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262. he had to climb up to the
top of the bridge to do it.
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263. It was so cool.
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264. No, that was not cool,
it was crazy.
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265. It was crazy-cool!
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266. We're here at Chris' house
where we've secretly replaced
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267. the fine coffee they usually
serve with Folgers Crystals.
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268. Let's see if anyone
can tell the difference.
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269. Maybe that wasn't Folgers!
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270. Chris, did you find somebody
to take you to Times Square?
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271. Not yet. You think
Dad could take me?
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272. Oh, well, go climb up a bridge
and maybe he'll come get you.
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273. Give me that.
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274. Hello?
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275. Hey, honey, it's me.
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276. Where are you?
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277. I just got off an interview.
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278. It's crazy!
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279. This morning I was just
coming home from work and—
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280. I know what you've been doing,
it's all over the news.
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281. What the hell is wrong with you?
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282. What? I just talked
a man down from—
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283. No, you didn't just
talk a man down.
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284. You just climbed up onto
a girder to talk a man down.
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285. While you were up there
saving his life,
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286. did you think
about your family?
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287. I mean, what if that
fool would've jumped
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288. and took you with him?
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289. Did you think about that?
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290. I saved his life.
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291. And you almost
got yourself killed.
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292. Your son needed you,
and you were out there
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293. on top of the George
Washington Bridge.
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294. Needed me for what?
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295. You know what?
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296. I'm not even gonna
deal with this.
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297. Chris, it's for you.
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298. It's Spider-Man.
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299. If he doesn't come home soon,
she's gonna be the Black Widow.
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300. Hey, Dad, I was wondering
if you could take me down
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301. to Times Square to see
the ball drop tonight.
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302. Yeah, man, I'd love to...
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303. All right, cool,
I'll go get ready.
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304. I'd love to, but I can't.
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305. I have to go downtown
with the mayor
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306. and get the key to the city.
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307. Then dinner with Batman.
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308. I probably won't
be back in time.
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309. The traffic's still
pretty bad out here.
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310. Why don't you get
your mother to take you?
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311. Just because I can't go
to Times Square tonight,
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312. am I gonna jump off a bridge?
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313. When I realized my resolution
wasn't going to work out,
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314. I decided to make a new one—
no more resolutions.
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315. Hey, baby, what you doing?
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316. Getting ready for tonight.
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317. Well, I'm sorry you couldn't
find anybody to go with.
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318. Maybe next year.
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319. Yeah.
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320. Tasha is downstairs.
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321. Hey, Chris.
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322. I saw your dad on TV.
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323. That was really brave,
what he did.
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324. Yeah, I guess.
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325. What's wrong?
Nothing.
I was just
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326. hoping my dad could take me
to Times Square tonight,
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327. but he's all tied up
with these interviews.
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328. I'm going to Times
Square tonight
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329. with my mom and Malvo.
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330. Why don't you come with us?
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331. I don't think she'll let me.
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332. Why not?
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333. You know why.
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334. Well, you can at least ask.
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335. Ma! Can I go to Times Square
with Tasha, Peaches and Malvo?
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336. Hell, no!
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337. While my mother got
ready for New Years,
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338. Peaches got ready to rumble.
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339. How come you won't let Chris
go to Times Square with me?
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340. Well, hello, Peaches.
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341. You know what, Rochelle?
If we are gonna be friends,
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342. at some point you are gonna
have to learn how to trust me.
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343. Mmm... Now, I'll trust you
with some clothes,
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344. but trusting you with my
children, that's another thing.
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345. Not to Britney Spears.
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346. Oh! Huh.
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347. And why is that?
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348. You know why.
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349. No, no, no, no.
Say it. Say it.
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350. No, no, no. Say it.
I want to hear you say it.
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351. Um... you're an ex-convict.
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352. Oh, my God, she said it.
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353. She said it.
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354. Rochelle,
what you think I'ma do?
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355. I got it!
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356. Drive the car, Chris.
Drive the car! Drive the car!
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357. Drive the car!
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358. Peaches, I don't have
to give you a reason.
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359. Rochelle, you know what?
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360. My parole officer said I am
proof that the system works.
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361. I am a new me.
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362. I have learned
from my mistakes.
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363. I have paid my debt to society.
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364. And you want to open a new
line of credit with my child.
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365. Well, if not yours,
then whose
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366. She got to go with me.
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367. Now, how am I supposed to feel
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368. improved and empowered by that?
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369. Peaches, this is not about you.
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370. Yes, it is. You not not letting
him go with somebody else.
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371. Peaches,
it's dangerous down there.
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372. Rochelle, don't you
think I know that?
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373. That's why I got Malvo coming.
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374. Oh, that's nice—
another ex-convict!
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375. Ex! Ex, Rochelle.
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376. That means "former."
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377. "Used to be."
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378. "Not currently."
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379. And you know what?
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380. This is what's really,
'cause it makes me...
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381. and I'm gonna be
upset about this now.
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382. If you won't let me move on,
then it's only a matter of time
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383. before I become an accomplice
all over again.
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384. Now, do you want that
on your head?
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385. Peaches.
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386. Please, girl. Look, we
gonna follow the rules.
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387. We'll cross at the green
not between.
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388. We won't jump any turnstiles.
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389. Even though that is
a family tradition.
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390. And, listen, Tasha really,
really wants Chris to go.
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391. You know, they'll have fun.
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392. We'll be careful.
I promise.
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393. Fine.
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394. What you say?
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395. Fine.
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396. Okay, girl, I'll see you later.
Chris!
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397. Your mother said
you could go, boy!
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398. Hurry up before
she change her mind!
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399. Bye, girl.
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400. All right, then.
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401. Happy New Year.
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402. Okay, Chris.
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403. Now, with all the
traffic and the people,
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404. you won't get home till
early in the morning,
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405. but you're gonna be
the first male
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406. to walk through the door
for the New Year.
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407. So, here's $20.
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408. Keep it in your wallet.
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409. That's to bring us
luck and good fortune
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410. for the rest of the year.
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411. You got it.
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412. Okay. Oh, I love you, baby.
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413. Mmm.
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414. Be safe.
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415. Be careful.
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416. Even though my resolution
was coming to pass,
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417. it didn't matter
when it came to the cops.
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418. Whoa, whoa, whoa...
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419. I'm sorry, folks,
we're at capacity. All right?
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420. We got over two million
people in there now.
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421. Capacity?
It's Times Square.
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422. Well, what difference is
four more people gonna make?
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423. We came all the way
from Bed-Stuy.
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424. Well, you should've
came earlier.
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425. Now step back.
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426. Oh. Ah!
No, no, no, no, baby.
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427. No, no, no.
If I wasn't on parole,
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428. I swear.
Where's my...
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429. What are we
gonna do now?
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430. Maybe we should find
a bar or something
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431. and watch it on TV.
Nah!
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432. Nah, we seeing
this ball drop.
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433. I know what to do.
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434. I'll be right back.
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435. Come on, come on,
come over here.
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436. They're shooting!
They're shooting!
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437. Officer! Officer!
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438. White man with a gun!
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439. It looked like Chevy Chase!
He's over there!
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440. He's over there?
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441. He's over there! He's...
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442. Come on, y'all, let's go.
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443. Who's shooting?
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444. Ain't nobody shooting, boy.
Come on.
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445. I heard some gunshots!
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446. Come on, baby, yeah.
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447. While we were trying
to get into Times Square,
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448. my dad was trying
to get through traffic.
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449. Come on, people!
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450. My father had
the key to the city,
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451. but it couldn't open gridlock.
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452. Back home, Tonya was awake
and Drew had glue on his face.
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453. Girl, would you stop all that
hopping up and help me
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454. put these bags in the window?
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455. Do you think Daddy's gonna
make it home before midnight?
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456. I hope so.
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457. ♪ I've got a crush on you...
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458. While Tonya's heart
was beating a mile a minute,
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459. my dad was driving
at the same rate of speed.
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460. That was "I've Got a Crush
on You" by The Jets,"
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461. helping to bring in
the new year,
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462. Get outta the way!
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463. I never really
believed in things
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464. like New Year's resolutions,
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465. but for the first time
in my life,
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466. I remember thinking
that dreams can come true.
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467. Once again, it's New Year's Eve
in Times Square.
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468. Happy New Year from all of us.
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469. Ten!
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470. Nine!
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471. Eight!
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472. Seven!
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473. Six!
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474. Five!
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475. Four!
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476. Three!
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477. Two!
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478. One!
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479. Happy New Year!
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480. Happy New Year, baby!
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481. Happy New Year!
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482. Kissing Tasha on New Year's Eve
was amazing.
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483. My only fear was that
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484. I was gonna turn
into a pumpkin at midnight.
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485. Chris. So, how did it go?
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486. Great. It was the best
night of my life.
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487. Did you have
any problems?
No.
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488. Did anybody get arrested?
No.
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489. Detained?
No.
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490. Searched?
No.
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491. Questioned?
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492. No. It was perfect.
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493. Damn. I forgot the
first guy in the house
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494. supposed to have
money in his pocket.
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495. No, no, no, no, baby,
I already took care of that.
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496. I made sure you were in
the house before midnight,
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497. and before Chris left,
I gave him $20
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498. to ensure that we would
have luck and good fortune
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499. for the rest of the year.
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500. Just in case the black-eyed
peas don't work.
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501. So now, if you will kindly
give me my $20 back
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502. so we can get
this year started.
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503. Boy, don't play with me.
Give me my money.
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504. Hey, y'all.
Sorry to bother you.
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505. I let myself in.
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506. Peaches needed me to
come through the door
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507. with some money in my
pocket since I was gonna
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508. be the first man
through the door
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509. after midnight,
so I pickpocketed Chris.
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510. Anyway, I just wanted
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511. to give you back...
your wallet.
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512. Happy New Year!
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513. He was supposed to have
that money in his pocket.
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514. And now we're gonna
have bad luck
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515. for the rest of the year.
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516. Great.
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517. Happy New Year!
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