1. Everybody Hates Chris #057
"Everybody Hates Minimum Wage"
Closed CaptionedCopy !req
2. By 1986 I'd been working
at Doc's for three years.Copy !req
3. Outside of getting robbed
four times,Copy !req
4. sick on the pickles three times
and a double hernia,Copy !req
5. it was the single greatest
job I ever had.Copy !req
6. And from time to time, a pretty
girl might stroll in.Copy !req
7. In exchange for all
my hard work,Copy !req
8. I got paid three dollars
an hour.Copy !req
9. Good job, man.Copy !req
10. $60— cold hard cash.Copy !req
11. I had the perfect job...Copy !req
12. till I found out
about minimum wage.Copy !req
13. Basically, minimum wage
is the only guaranteeCopy !req
14. people get paid in money.Copy !req
15. Your boss would pay you in
Popsicle sticks if he could.Copy !req
16. Great work.
A Popsicle stick?Copy !req
17. What do you take
this thing for, man?Copy !req
18. I cannot work and live off
no Popsicle sticks.Copy !req
19. The least you can do is give me
the damn Popsicle.Copy !req
20. Minimum wage. Shoot.Copy !req
21. There was a time when
the maximum wage for
black folks was zero.Copy !req
22. But now the government requires
that you pay me $3.35 an hour.Copy !req
23. Well, work for
the government.Copy !req
24. Look, Chris, I like
having you aroundCopy !req
25. and you do a good job.Copy !req
26. But I just can't
spare the money.Copy !req
27. It's only 35 cents
more an hour.Copy !req
28. 35 cent an hour...
that's $28 a month.Copy !req
29. That's three cartons
of milk a day,Copy !req
30. that's two boxes of
Mike and Ike an hour.Copy !req
31. That's no.Copy !req
32. That's when I realized
I'd found the one personCopy !req
33. cheaper than my father.Copy !req
34. I thought about picketing, but
I was afraid this would happen.Copy !req
35. He won't pay!Copy !req
36. I won't stay!Copy !req
37. He won't pay,
I won't stay!Copy !req
38. I thought about a sit-in,
but I was afraidCopy !req
39. this would happen again.Copy !req
40. No justice, no peace!Copy !req
41. But I decided on an ultimatum.Copy !req
42. Doc, listen,Copy !req
43. I come in on time,
and I never leave early.Copy !req
44. I work hard,
so I deserve minimum wage.Copy !req
45. And if you're not
going to give me a raise,Copy !req
46. I'm going to have to leave.Copy !req
47. It's a matter of principles.Copy !req
48. Is that an ultimatum?Copy !req
49. Well, is it?Copy !req
50. Yeah.Copy !req
51. Nice working with you.Copy !req
52. You'd really let me go?Copy !req
53. Where else are you
going to findCopy !req
54. somebody as reliable
and trustworthy as I amCopy !req
55. that'll work for $60 a week?Copy !req
56. Sir, are you hiring?Copy !req
57. Well, am I?Copy !req
58. Are you?Copy !req
59. Depends.Copy !req
60. You gonna pay me?Copy !req
61. Nope.Copy !req
62. Then yes, 'cause I quit.Copy !req
63. Maybe I should have gotten
Al Sharpton involved.Copy !req
64. Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISIONCopy !req
65. I tried to get minimum wageCopy !req
66. while my father tried to get
minimum sleep.Copy !req
67. Guess what? Vanessa asked me
to be her hair modelCopy !req
68. for the upcoming
hair show.Copy !req
69. By "Vanessa asked," she meant
"I begged."Copy !req
70. Please, please, please, please
let me be your hair model!Copy !req
71. Fine. Pull yourself together.Copy !req
72. Thank you!Copy !req
73. Hair show, huh.
Yes.Copy !req
74. Does it pay?Copy !req
75. Well, it pays $100, but I'm
not doing it for the money.Copy !req
76. You know, it's always
been a dream of mine
to be a hair model.Copy !req
77. Julius, I could just
see myselfCopy !req
78. walking down that runway.Copy !req
79. I said, "You better
give me my money, fool."Copy !req
80. At dinner, Drew looked sadder
than 69-cent shoes.Copy !req
81. Hey, Drew.Copy !req
82. What's wrong?Copy !req
83. Failed my history test.Copy !req
84. Told you sleeping in a room with
Chris would make you stupid.Copy !req
85. Tonya, hush.Copy !req
86. What happened, baby?Copy !req
87. I studied, but when
I sat down, my mind went blank.Copy !req
88. Your mind went blank?
What kind of excuse is that?Copy !req
89. Did you eat breakfast?
Yes.Copy !req
90. Well, did you get
a good night's sleep?Copy !req
91. Yes.Copy !req
92. Well, boy, did you hit
your headCopy !req
93. on a stupid rock
on the way to school?Copy !req
94. No.Copy !req
95. Well, I'm gonna help you study
for that next test.Copy !req
96. 'Cause I didn't raise
no dummies.Copy !req
97. Bush's mom says that, too.Copy !req
98. How was work, Chris?Copy !req
99. Huh?
How was work?Copy !req
100. Oh, oh, it was fine.Copy !req
101. Good. Tell Doc I said hi.Copy !req
102. He's a good guy.Copy !req
103. Yeah, he's great.Copy !req
104. If I developed a drug problem,
my next job might be president.Copy !req
105. You quit?Copy !req
106. Yeah, now I have
to find another job.Copy !req
107. I can't tell my dad
I quit my job.Copy !req
108. He'll kill me.Copy !req
109. I've got a couple things
circled to check out.Copy !req
110. Greg?Copy !req
111. Greg!
What?Copy !req
112. You're drooling.Copy !req
113. She's all right.Copy !req
114. Plus, you've been saying
that for the past month.Copy !req
115. Why don't you just
go talk to her?Copy !req
116. I can't just go up to her
and start talking.Copy !req
117. Works for pimps.Copy !req
118. Yeah, you can.Copy !req
119. Okay, smarty-pants,Copy !req
120. Do I say "hi"?
Do I say "hello"?Copy !req
121. Or maybe "hey"?Copy !req
122. Or even "hey, hi"?Copy !req
123. The possibilities
are endless.Copy !req
124. We haven't even gotten
to what I'll be wearing.Copy !req
125. I know what you'll be wearing—
a look of frozen terror.Copy !req
126. I wasn't getting paid,
and Greg was afraid.Copy !req
127. Oh, girl, I'm so excited!Copy !req
128. So what styles
do you have in mind?Copy !req
129. Well, let me tell you about
my follicular extravaganza.Copy !req
130. Girl, check out
Vanessa's designs.Copy !req
131. Ooh, my goodness!Copy !req
132. Who did these drawings?Copy !req
133. Girl, my cousin Dante.Copy !req
134. He's taking an art class
in prison.Copy !req
135. They are so cute.Copy !req
136. I could just picture myself
in all of them.Copy !req
137. My mother imagined herself
in the Eiffel Tower...Copy !req
138. the Helicopter...Copy !req
139. and the Black Smacker.Copy !req
140. Ooh!Copy !req
141. I've decided to go with
the one that is the most
difficult technique-wise.Copy !req
142. The Tsunami.Copy !req
143. Whoa. You know what, I heard
the last hairdresserCopy !req
144. who tried the Tsunami died.Copy !req
145. No, actually, the hairdresser
was fine—Copy !req
146. It was the model
that died.
What?Copy !req
147. Mm-hmm, hairspray poison.Copy !req
148. Wait a minute,
what's this one?Copy !req
149. Girl, that's the upside down
cruise ship—Copy !req
150. you know, The Poseidon
Adventure?Copy !req
151. But we're not
going to do that one.Copy !req
152. You know how hard it is to get
1,500 tiny little peopleCopy !req
153. made out of hair?
It's a mess.Copy !req
154. Wait a minute, I heard
Jacquot LeBluke is competing.Copy !req
155. This is a long, dramatic storyCopy !req
156. about back-stabbing
hairdressersCopy !req
157. that we've heard before.Copy !req
158. So we're going to move on.Copy !req
159. While my mother got
a dye job,Copy !req
160. I went to get a job-job.Copy !req
161. This was the first restaurant
in Bed-StuyCopy !req
162. without a bulletproof window.Copy !req
163. There was the bulletproof
fish place...Copy !req
164. then the bulletproof
salad bar...Copy !req
165. and the bulletproof
hot dog stand.Copy !req
166. Yeah, man, can I get
a number two, please?Copy !req
167. When can you start?Copy !req
168. Tomorrow after school.
You're hired.Copy !req
169. The job pays minimum wage
and all the rice you can eat.Copy !req
170. I'll take it!Copy !req
171. Listen closely,
and you'll learn how to sayCopy !req
172. the "N" word in Chinese.Copy !req
173. Now focus, boy.Copy !req
174. Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.Copy !req
175. Chris, where
you been?Copy !req
176. You were supposed to
be back an hour ago.Copy !req
177. I was out selling crack.Copy !req
178. Not all my early attempts
at comedy were a success.Copy !req
179. Just kidding.Copy !req
180. I was out
looking for work.Copy !req
181. Found a job working
at Hoo's Hunan.Copy !req
182. Hoo's on First?Copy !req
183. I like Woks on Second.
What happened to Doc's?Copy !req
184. He refused to pay me
minimum wage,Copy !req
185. so I found a job that would.Copy !req
186. Minimum wage.Copy !req
187. I paid a man to let me
work my first job.Copy !req
188. You kids
got it good.Copy !req
189. It's about the principle, Dad,
not the money.Copy !req
190. I work hard, and if the man says
I should be paid $3.35Copy !req
191. then he should pay me.Copy !req
192. Good luck with that.Copy !req
193. You get free Chinese food?Copy !req
194. Yeah, all the rice I want.Copy !req
195. I like those principles.Copy !req
196. Good, 'cause I ain't cooking
till after the hair show.Copy !req
197. The next day,
I got $3.35 worth of new job.Copy !req
198. About as much as you look
like Yoko Ono.Copy !req
199. You're late.Copy !req
200. No, I'm not.
It's 3:00.Copy !req
201. It's 3:01.Copy !req
202. Now, get to work.Copy !req
203. No matter what I did,Copy !req
204. it seemed like I was supposed
to be doing something else.Copy !req
205. When I washed the floors...Copy !req
206. Lionel Ritchie,
set the tables.Copy !req
207. When I set the tables...Copy !req
208. Lionel, organize
the fortune cookies.Copy !req
209. When I organized
the fortune cookies...Copy !req
210. 5:30. Lionel Ritchie,
go wash the dishes.Copy !req
211. He wouldn't talk to the real
Lionel Ritchie like that.Copy !req
212. What?Copy !req
213. Keep on working.Copy !req
214. I was lucky Mr. Fong
wasn't zoned to grow cotton.Copy !req
215. What are you doing?Copy !req
216. Oh, I finished the dishes, so
I decided to start my homework.Copy !req
217. No homework.Copy !req
218. You have work-work.Copy !req
219. But Doc always let me
start my homework.Copy !req
220. Well, you are not
at Doc's anymore.Copy !req
221. Go fix the menu numbers.Copy !req
222. I was getting minimum wage
and having minimum fun.Copy !req
223. My new job wasn't just
making me tired of working,Copy !req
224. it was making me
tired of Greg.Copy !req
225. Hey, man, you look terrible.Copy !req
226. I know.Copy !req
227. I work more
at Hoo's in a dayCopy !req
228. than I do at Doc's
in a month.Copy !req
229. There's Mandy.Copy !req
230. I've decided to go
with "hey."Copy !req
231. Can't figure out what I'm gonna
do with my hair though.Copy !req
232. Should I part it to the side
or go straight back?Copy !req
233. Shave it off and start over.Copy !req
234. Chris, wake up, I'm trying
to tell you something.
What?Copy !req
235. I've been having
a hard timeCopy !req
236. with my Mandy situation.Copy !req
237. This girl could be
my future ex-wife,Copy !req
238. and I don't want
to mess it up.Copy !req
239. Greg still isn't over
his parent's divorce.Copy !req
240. That's not a real problem.Copy !req
241. You think you're
having a hard time?Copy !req
242. You've got an
obvious solution.Copy !req
243. Let me help you.Copy !req
244. Hey, Mandy...Copy !req
245. Greg wants
to talk to you.Copy !req
246. Who's Greg?Copy !req
247. Him.Copy !req
248. There, how's that?Copy !req
249. You're embarrassing me.Copy !req
250. And when it comes
to embarrassing myselfCopy !req
251. in front of girls,
I don't need any help.Copy !req
252. I don't know.Copy !req
253. I think she kind of liked him.Copy !req
254. Ta-da!Copy !req
255. Well, what do you think?Copy !req
256. Fabulous!Copy !req
257. Now, remember,
don't move it.
Don't touch it.Copy !req
258. Don't stick
anything in it.
Don't scratch your head.Copy !req
259. Don't move
your eyebrows.
Don't shower.Copy !req
260. Don't bathe.
Wash up.Copy !req
261. And, most important
of all, don't lie down.Copy !req
262. Well, how am I
supposed to sleep?Copy !req
263. You're not supposed to sleep.
You're a hair model.Copy !req
264. Well, models sleep.
They don't eat.Copy !req
265. Not hair models.Copy !req
266. They eat, not sleep.Copy !req
267. Everybody gather round!
Look at me!Copy !req
268. Look at me!Copy !req
269. Ooh!Copy !req
270. While a team of people
worked on my mother's hair,Copy !req
271. I did the work of a team.Copy !req
272. He who sleeps at work wakes up
with a foot in the ass.Copy !req
273. I wasn't sleeping.
I was breathing.Copy !req
274. Well, breathe while you work.Copy !req
275. Mr. Fong,
can I ask you a question?Copy !req
276. All talk
and no workCopy !req
277. makes Chris unemployed.Copy !req
278. I embarrassed my friend Greg
in front of a girl,Copy !req
279. and now he won't talk to me.Copy !req
280. What should I do?Copy !req
281. Here.Copy !req
282. "Get back to work."Copy !req
283. Now, hand out
these delivery menus.Copy !req
284. People found the idea
of getting food deliveredCopy !req
285. in Bed-Stuy unbelievable.Copy !req
286. Delivery in Bed-Stuy.Copy !req
287. Unbelievable.Copy !req
288. DeliveryCopy !req
289. Man, you crazy.Copy !req
290. I got kids over here
I don't visit.Copy !req
291. So how's it goingCopy !req
292. out there, Chris?Copy !req
293. They're not working you
too hard, are they?Copy !req
294. No. It's great.Copy !req
295. Mr. Fong's cool.Copy !req
296. So how's it going here?Copy !req
297. Good.Copy !req
298. Good.Copy !req
299. So, um...Copy !req
300. it's not too hard, you know,Copy !req
301. working over here by yourself?Copy !req
302. Hey, Chris.Copy !req
303. James, what are
you doing here?Copy !req
304. I work here.Copy !req
305. You think I'm just
walking around in an apronCopy !req
306. carrying boxes for nothing?Copy !req
307. I'm trying
to make someCopy !req
308. extra money.Copy !req
309. Man, there must be
something wrong with you.Copy !req
310. This is a good job!Copy !req
311. I'm sure glad you quit.Copy !req
312. And tell Tonya I'm holding
aside the bubble gum she likes.Copy !req
313. You're going
to be holding your teethCopy !req
314. if you go near my sister.Copy !req
315. You failed
the test again?Copy !req
316. But we studied this, boy!Copy !req
317. What happened?Copy !req
318. I don't know.
My brain froze.Copy !req
319. Well, you better
thaw it out!Copy !req
320. My teacher says she wants
a parent to come in.Copy !req
321. Well, your father
will go with you tomorrow.Copy !req
322. Why can't you go?Copy !req
323. I can't go with this hair.Copy !req
324. I don't want those peopleCopy !req
325. to think I'm some
no-account hair model.Copy !req
326. Here.Copy !req
327. If Drew didn't
get it together quick,Copy !req
328. he was going to be lost at sea.Copy !req
329. Delivering in Bed-Stuy
was an adventure.Copy !req
330. Who is it?Copy !req
331. Hoo's.
Who's what?Copy !req
332. Hoo's delivery.
Who— I don't know!Copy !req
333. Man, it's Chinese food!
Oh.Copy !req
334. Thank you.Copy !req
335. Chinese food.Copy !req
336. Oh, don't worry,
'cause this your last supper!Copy !req
337. I saw you with her!Copy !req
338. Didn't you see him, baby?Copy !req
339. Everybody did!Copy !req
340. You must think
I'm stupid or blind.Copy !req
341. Maybe you think
I'm stupid andblind.Copy !req
342. How much is it, baby?Copy !req
343. Well, one thing
I promise you—Copy !req
344. you ain't going to have
to think much longer!Copy !req
345. He must think I'm crazy.
He must...Copy !req
346. BabyCopy !req
347. Oh. Oh, no, don't move.
Don't move!Copy !req
348. Lionel Ritchie, you're back just
in time for another delivery.Copy !req
349. I'm not going back out there.Copy !req
350. This neighborhood
is too dangerous for deliveries.Copy !req
351. You're basically
sending me out thereCopy !req
352. with a sign saying, "Hey,
I got money. Please rob me."Copy !req
353. Plus, I almost got shot.Copy !req
354. My nephew has been shot by
the Chinese army seven times.Copy !req
355. He should stop attacking China.Copy !req
356. Here's your check.Copy !req
357. Maybe it help
you feel better.Copy !req
358. $48.29?Copy !req
359. Where's the rest of the money?Copy !req
360. Taxes. The law says
I have to take out withholding.Copy !req
361. Welcome to America.Copy !req
362. Now take this
to Decatur Street.Copy !req
363. Uh-uh. You take it.
'Cause I quit.Copy !req
364. And I don'tlook
like Lionel Ritchie.Copy !req
365. Yes, I do!Copy !req
366. Hey, Dad.
Hey, Chris.Copy !req
367. How's the new job
working out?Copy !req
368. I quit.
You quit?Copy !req
369. Quitting is for smoking
and drinking.Copy !req
370. You better have a good reason
for quitting your job.Copy !req
371. Mr. Fong kept yelling at me,
I almost got shot at,Copy !req
372. I got robbed,
I'm getting sick of rice,Copy !req
373. and to top
that all off,Copy !req
374. I'm getting paid
way much less
than I was before.Copy !req
375. You know what, Chris?Copy !req
376. You quit Doc's
for your principles.Copy !req
377. He was a good boss,
but you picked minimum wageCopy !req
378. over good working conditions.Copy !req
379. Looks like you picked
the wrong principle to stand on.Copy !req
380. Yeah, I did.Copy !req
381. What you going to do now?Copy !req
382. I'm going to go out
and find a new job.Copy !req
383. That's not it, Chris.Copy !req
384. You can't just quit every time
you don't like something.Copy !req
385. What if Miles Davis
had quit the trumpet?Copy !req
386. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.Copy !req
387. What if George Washington Carver
quit the peanut?Copy !req
388. What if B.B. King
quit "Lucille"?Copy !req
389. What if Paul Robeson
quit "Old Man River"?Copy !req
390. What if Bill Cosby
quit JellCopy !req
391. What if Mr. T quit
pitying the fool?Copy !req
392. What if Stevie
quit wondering?Copy !req
393. What if Fat Albert
quit The Cosby Kids.Copy !req
394. What if Ashford
quit Simpson?Copy !req
395. What if Michael JacksonCopy !req
396. quit doing
the moonwalk?Copy !req
397. What if Diana Ross
quit The Supremes?Copy !req
398. Diana Ross
did quit the Supremes.Copy !req
399. You get my point.
Just go get a job.Copy !req
400. Okay.Copy !req
401. Later, my mother's Tsunami
came crashing down in waves.Copy !req
402. Hair today, gone tomorrow.Copy !req
403. Oh, hey...Copy !req
404. The tsunami turned
into Hurricane Rochelle.Copy !req
405. What happened
to my hair?Copy !req
406. What happened to my hair?Copy !req
407. All my work! What did you do?Copy !req
408. What did you do?Copy !req
409. What am I supposed to do
with a head full of broken hair?Copy !req
410. What am I gonna do
about the show?Copy !req
411. Oh, God, the show!Copy !req
412. Forget the show!Copy !req
413. Julius is never going
to sleep with me again!Copy !req
414. Everybody's going to think...Copy !req
415. My mother's career
as a hair model was overCopy !req
416. faster than Pacman Jones'
career as a citizen.Copy !req
417. My father went to get to
the bottom of Drew's problem,Copy !req
418. which was actually
where the problem started.Copy !req
419. Is that
Ms. Crabtree?Copy !req
420. Yep. That's her.Copy !req
421. My father took one look
at Ms. CrabtreeCopy !req
422. and knew exactly
why Drew was failing.Copy !req
423. Excuse me. Can I help you?Copy !req
424. Hi, Drew.Copy !req
425. Hi.Copy !req
426. Is all of that
really necessary?Copy !req
427. I'm sorry. All of what?Copy !req
428. All of this.Copy !req
429. I mean, the boy
can't even concentrate.Copy !req
430. Neither can you.Copy !req
431. I'm sorry.
I still don't follow.Copy !req
432. Excuse me.Copy !req
433. Drew, what's eight times 12?Copy !req
434. I don't know.Copy !req
435. How about now?Copy !req
436. 96.Copy !req
437. Who wrote
the Declaration of Independence?Copy !req
438. I don't know.Copy !req
439. How about now?Copy !req
440. Thomas Jefferson.Copy !req
441. Drew, what's your name?Copy !req
442. I don't know.Copy !req
443. Look, if you're going
to be an educator,Copy !req
444. buy some uglier clothes.
Please.Copy !req
445. Come on.Copy !req
446. Drew's grades improved
after he transferredCopy !req
447. to the class of Miss Murphy,Copy !req
448. a 90-year-old lady
with a mustache.Copy !req
449. Come on.Copy !req
450. All righty, class.Copy !req
451. So, today, we're going to learnCopy !req
452. about the Mexican-American War.Copy !req
453. What do we know about
the MexicanCopy !req
454. Anybody?Copy !req
455. We know we'd like to take you
out for Mexican food.Copy !req
456. Nobody?Copy !req
457. Hey, Greg.Copy !req
458. I didn't know
what to say to Greg,Copy !req
459. so I imagined
what Doc would say.Copy !req
460. Chris, you need to tell
your friend you're sorry.Copy !req
461. Why? He's the one
with the problem.Copy !req
462. All I did was
try to help.Copy !req
463. I got him
talking to Mandy.Copy !req
464. You got him to feel
like an idiot.Copy !req
465. He is an idiot.Copy !req
466. All I got to do
is say "hi."Copy !req
467. Look, Chris.Copy !req
468. A man can't say "hi"
or "good-bye" to a womanCopy !req
469. unless he's ready
to do it on his own.Copy !req
470. Now, you got him
to talk to Mandy.Copy !req
471. Now you got to get him
to talk to you.Copy !req
472. Hey, man, listen.Copy !req
473. I'm sorry for embarrassing you
in front of Mandy.Copy !req
474. What the heck?Copy !req
475. It's not like I have other
friends to hang out with.Copy !req
476. So we're cool?
Yeah.Copy !req
477. We were friends,
but we were far from cool.Copy !req
478. I can't believe the KnicksCopy !req
479. lost that game
last night.Copy !req
480. Hey, Doc.Copy !req
481. Hey. Good to see you, Chris.Copy !req
482. Just coming by to say I'm sorry.Copy !req
483. Sorry for what?Copy !req
484. Quitting my job.Copy !req
485. I mean, I didn't know
how good I had it.Copy !req
486. Chris, if I paid you
minimum wage,Copy !req
487. you'd get taxed,
and I'd get taxed.Copy !req
488. I'd have to get
unemployment insurance,Copy !req
489. workmen's compensation.Copy !req
490. And there are
child labor laws.Copy !req
491. Look, the bottom line is,
if I paid you minimum wage,Copy !req
492. I'd have to close up the store.Copy !req
493. Years later,
Doc closed the storeCopy !req
494. and opened a Wal-Mart.Copy !req
495. Oh. Well, thanks. See you later.Copy !req
496. Wait, wait, wait, Chris.Copy !req
497. If you want your job back,
it's yours.Copy !req
498. What about James?Copy !req
499. He quit.Copy !req
500. Here you go, Doc.Copy !req
501. You're working at Hoo's now?Copy !req
502. Yeah, man. That's a good job.Copy !req
503. I don't know
why you quit.Copy !req
504. He pays $67 a week cash.
No taxes.Copy !req
505. Must be
something wrongCopy !req
506. with you.Copy !req
507. I'd like to kick him
in the fortune cookies.Copy !req