Everybody Hates Chris 2x4

Jackée Harry as Vanessa • Anna Diop as Diedra

Chris gets the everyone in the neighborhood to believe that he is dating Tasha. That doesn't set well with Tasha's grandmother Louise and she makes sure that Rochelle knows about it. Julius must redeem all of the trading stamps he's been saving. Drew thinks that Rochelle is paying more attention to Chris and Tonya than to him.

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1. Everybody Hates Chris #026 "Everybody Hates a Liar" Closed Captioned

2. Tasha Clarkson was the new girl next door.

3. Unlike just about every other girl in the neighborhood,

4. she didn't hate me.

5. Hi, Chris. Hey, Tasha.

6. I always tried to play it cool around her,

7. but every time she came out the door,

8. it looked like this...

9. But Tasha's grandmother was one of the strictest parents

10. on the block.

11. Where you going dressed like that?

12. Grandma, I have on everything but gloves.

13. Put some gloves on.

14. Showing your hands to people.

15. And it was 79 degrees.

16. So I figured the smartest thing to do

17. was to just leave Tasha alone.

18. Chris, come quick. I need you.

19. So much for that plan.

20. Do you see it? Chris, do you see it?

21. Oh, yeah, I see it.

22. But what do you want me to do with it?

23. Get it out!

24. Get it out of my closet! Okay, okay, okay. Stop screaming please.

25. Stop, stop...

26. She's screaming like the mouse had a gun.

27. Thank you.

28. No problem.

29. To you, that just looked like a kiss on the cheek,

30. but to me it felt like this...

31. Yo.

32. Little dude from across the street.

33. Come here.

34. Listen, man, I don't have any money.

35. I don't want your money, little dude.

36. I want to know how you got Tasha.

37. Got Tasha what?

38. Come on, little dude. I saw that.

39. Every little dude on the block been trying to get next to her.

40. Little dude from up on the third floor,

41. little dude from around the corner,

42. little dude with the funny leg,

43. little dude with the little loft,

44. little dude that be with big dude... and Kenny.

45. Now I know why they can't get nowhere.

46. 'Cause little dude from across the street is on the case.

47. Now why you ain't tell nobody?

48. Hey, well, you know.

49. That's what you said when you didn't want to lie,

50. but you didn't want to tell the truth.

51. I underestimated you, little dude.

52. I ain't think you had it in you.

53. Tasha. Mean as her grandmom is.

54. You a bad man, little dude.

55. Just do me a favor.

56. Don't tell anybody?

57. It's between me and you.

58. Little dude from across the street.

59. Mackin'.

60. I should have told him the truth that nothing happened,

61. but, hey, well, you know.

62. Captioning sponsored by CBS Paramount Network Television

63. My father never spent money on himself.

64. So to get the things he liked, he used trading stamps.

65. These weren't the kind of stamps you put on an envelope.

66. They were the kind of stamps you put in books

67. and could redeem for stuff that you'd never buy with cash.

68. Like a bumper pool table...

69. Oh, yes!

70. electro energy ball...

71. My father wished he could use trading stamps

72. to pay for everything.

73. He needs a new heart.

74. Is it in the catalog?

75. 85,000 stamps.

76. Get that boy into surgery.

77. Do they still have that golden boomerang?

78. We ain't getting no golden boomerang.

79. We getting a new refrigerator.

80. What's wrong with the refrigerator?

81. The thermostat is broken.

82. The freezer's too cold, the refrigerator's too hot.

83. It melted the ice cream and froze the cheese.

84. I thought we were going to get something fun.

85. Eating ain't fun? Try not eating.

86. Whatever we get...

87. A new refrigerator.

88. we're gonna have to do it soon.

89. The paper said the catalog store's closing.

90. We got to redeem all these by the weekend.

91. If I have any stamps left, I'm going to get this.

92. What?

93. An electric ping

94. It keeps score automatically.

95. Now you know you're too big to be playing ping-pong.

96. Can we use the sponge instead?

97. You know how much a sponge costs?

98. Less than a new tongue.

99. Oh, that's one cent worth of stamp.

100. Chris, give me the tape.

101. What my father didn't realize was that I had to use

102. two cents worth of tape to repair one cent worth of stamp.

103. Hey, Mom, you want to watch The Ropers with me?

104. Oh, no, baby, I'm tired.

105. I've been working all day,

106. and after I finish helping Tonya

107. I got to go fold clothes.

108. Oh, okay.

109. I'll watch it with you.

110. No, thanks.

111. The only thing Drew liked more than watching The Ropers

112. was watching The Ropers with my mother.

113. I hadn't said that anything really happened

114. between me and Tasha,

115. but not saying anything was almost worse.

116. Hey, Chris. Hey, Tasha.

117. Hey, Tasha, how you doing?

118. Man, you better leave her alone.

119. Isn't that right, little dude?

120. Hey, well, you know.

121. I know.

122. I wasn't saying a word about me and Tasha,

123. and yet, it was all over Bed-Stuy.

124. Girl, little Tasha who just moved in?

125. That's right.

126. You know what else I heard?

127. I heard she and Chris were right outside

128. on the street kissing.

129. Ooh, girl, was it tongue kissing?

130. Right down to the throat.

131. Ooh, I didn't know she was like that.

132. You wasn't supposed to know. Hmm.

133. Not only Chris have Tasha, but he got three other women.

134. Hey, ain't nothing wrong with that.

135. The Good Book says "Be fruitful and prosper."

136. Yes, Lord.

137. Got any ashes in this?

138. No.

139. Man, I heard Tasha caught Chris cheating

140. with Valerie Simpson.

141. Nick Ashford gonna kill him.

142. Hiyeh...

143. Notice how Nick Ashford and Verdine White

144. look just alike?

145. Verdine White from the liquor store,

146. or Verdine White from Earth, Wind and Fire?

147. It's the same guy.

148. What?

149. The story was taking off,

150. and for the first time I was trying to play it down.

151. You kissed Tasha?

152. Well, technically, she kissed me.

153. And it wasn't a "kiss" kiss.

154. She just kissed me on the cheek.

155. Which cheek? This one.

156. When did all this happen?

157. Yesterday. She was scared of a mouse

158. and I went in to go get it for her.

159. Then she gave me a quick peck.

160. I was saying that, but I knew Greg was thinking this...

161. Wow, you are in there.

162. Hey, well, you know.

163. No, I really don't know.

164. Greg didn't even have a vicarious thrill

165. till he was 22.

166. Just do me a favor— don't tell anybody.

167. Who would I tell?

168. He would tell everybody.

169. Hey, Chris. Hey, Chris.

170. And I mean everybody.

171. Hi, Chris.

172. Even Caruso gave me some respect.

173. Hey, Lakeside, I didn't know you had it in you.

174. Well, aren't you just a little Sweet Sweetback.

175. Hey, well, you know.

176. Who knew that the secret for a guy getting girls

177. is for a guy to get a girl?

178. While I was getting more attention than I could handle,

179. Drew wasn't getting any at all.

180. Hey, Mom, could you help me with my homework?

181. Oh, baby, I'm tired.

182. I got to sort clothes and do laundry.

183. Can't Chris help you when he gets home?

184. I guess.

185. Drew hadn't looked that sad since E.T. went home.

186. What?

187. Okay, what?

188. I'm just trying to figure you out.

189. Here I'm thinking,

190. your middle name is "Mr. Lonely."

191. Come to find out it's "Lady

192. I'm not a lady-killer.

193. Yeah, I wasn't either. That's how come

194. I got divorced as many times as I did.

195. Look, when your time comes,

196. get you a pre-nup.

197. I don't have anything.

198. Well, they'll take that, too.

199. You got that right.

200. Hi, Chris.

201. How you doing?

202. Who are you?

203. Diedre, but you can call me Dee-Dee.

204. This is Shavonda.

205. What's this?

206. My phone number.

207. So I can call you?

208. Yeah.

209. You know, I heard about

210. you and Tasha.

211. Hey, well, you know.

212. Hey, well, you know what?

213. Hi, Tasha.

214. Don't "Hi, Tasha" me.

215. Hey, well, you know what?

216. What were you gonna say about me, Chris?

217. You have something to say, say it to my face.

218. I want my mama!

219. The only person who hadn't heard about me and Tasha

220. was my mother.

221. But that was about to change.

222. Hello, Louise. How you doing?

223. You keep

224. your nasty little nappy-headed son

225. away from my granddaughter.

226. That's how I'm doing.

227. That look means all seven of the words

228. you can't say on television.

229. Because this is a family show, all she can say is this...

230. Excuse me?

231. Let me slow it down for you.

232. Keep...

233. your nasty little nappy-headed son...

234. away... from my granddaughter.

235. Okay, Louise, first of all,

236. I don't know what you're talking about.

237. Second of all, I suggest you watch your tone.

238. I suggest you watch your son.

239. Louise, I'm going to assume that you have not lost your mind.

240. All right.

241. There's less anger in the Middle East.

242. So exactly what is it that you're talking about?

243. Your son was in my house

244. with my granddaughter

245. when I wasn't home.

246. And then went around the neighborhood

247. and talked about her like she was some kind of tramp.

248. Chris?

249. No, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

250. Yes, Chris.

251. I don't know how he wormed himself into my house,

252. but I'll tell you this—

253. if it happens again,

254. there's going to be a problem.

255. "Problem" is a polite word for "ass-kicking."

256. Chris!

257. Uh-oh.

258. Why is Miss Clarkson talking about...?

259. Boy, turn around before I smack a face

260. onto the back of your head.

261. Why is

262. Miss Clarkson talking about you

263. in her house with Tasha, and it's all

264. over the neighborhood?

265. I do not appreciate the whole neighborhood

266. knowing something about my child,

267. and I'm the last to find out.

268. My mother hated being the last to find out about anything.

269. Surprise!

270. Why am I the last to know?

271. Congratulations. You're pregnant.

272. That's great!

273. Pregnant? Why am I the last to know?

274. What's going on?

275. That's what I'm trying to find out.

276. Miss Clarkson said that Chris was in her house with Tasha.

277. Doing what? Nothing.

278. She asked me to come over because there

279. was a mouse in her closet. I got rid of it,

280. and then we went right back outside. Getting rid of a mouse?

281. Is that what they're calling it nowadays?

282. Are you an exterminator? If you are,

283. let me see your paycheck.

284. No.

285. Chris, I don't care

286. if you were over somebody's house

287. getting rid of a mouse, a spider, a roach, a tiger...

288. I was just trying to help.

289. Chris, please tell me.

290. Is that all that really happened?

291. 'Cause Miss Clarkson seems to think that you were doing more

292. than just getting rid of a mouse, boy.

293. Well, after we went outside, she gave me a kiss on the cheek,

294. and Jerome saw and, next thing I know,

295. it's all over the neighborhood.

296. And you had nothing to do with spreading that?

297. Hey, well, you know.

298. "Hey, well, you know"?

299. Well, what is that supposed to mean?

300. Rochelle, Chris and I need to talk

301. for a minute.

302. You putting me out?

303. We need to have a man-to-man talk.

304. Okay, fine.

305. Julius, the next time somebody comes

306. to this house with a problem,

307. I'm gonna send them directly to you. Is that okay?

308. Huh?

309. All right.

310. Sit down.

311. Chris, if you're leading people to believe

312. you did something with that girl you didn't do,

313. then you need to fix it.

314. But I never said we did anything.

315. Let me tell you how to treat women, son.

316. If you do something,

317. you should never say anything.

318. If you don't do something, and you don't say anything,

319. that means you did something

320. even if you did nothing.

321. So, by not saying anything, you're doing something,

322. and you need to say something and let people know

323. you did nothing. You understand?

324. No.

325. Yeah.

326. All right.

327. Hey, Tasha, wait up!

328. Why would you say all those things about me?

329. I just moved in and, all of a sudden, I have a reputation.

330. I didn't say anything, for real.

331. Well, somebody said something, and it wasn't me.

332. Yo, little dude. Your old lady mad at you, huh?

333. She's not my old lady.

334. What

335. Yeah, well...

336. I know. I know.

337. Hey, Mom, can you help me make some Kool

338. Aw, Drew, I'm trying to rest for 20 minutes

339. before I have to cook dinner.

340. Here. You know how to make Kool-Aid.

341. Never mind. Forget it.

342. What's wrong with him?

343. I don't know, but I'm about to find out.

344. We got any Kool

345. Mm-hmm.

346. My mother had to find out what was up

347. before she had to smack Drew down.

348. Something you want to talk about?

349. Why do you pay more attention

350. to Chris and Tonya than you do me?

351. I don't do it on purpose, baby.

352. Well, then, how come every time I ask you to do something,

353. you always make me do it by myself?

354. Well, because you've always been able

355. to do things on your own.

356. Doesn't mean I love you any less.

357. Sometimes it feels like it.

358. Oh, don't say that, Drew.

359. I'm proud of you.

360. I guess I don't see you as being my baby anymore.

361. You don't?

362. Uh-uh.

363. I look at you as a young man, because you're so independent.

364. I'm independent?

365. Yeah.

366. And you're funny.

367. You're handsome.

368. Oh, cool.

369. So you going to be okay?

370. Yeah.

371. I'm sorry, Drew.

372. I love you.

373. I love you, too.

374. Good. Come on, let's make some Kool-Aid.

375. Oh, and another thing.

376. If you ever walk away from me like that again,

377. you going to need a wheelchair to bring you back. Okay?

378. Meanwhile, I had girl trouble without having a girl.

379. Hey, Tasha. Can I talk to you for a second?

380. No.

381. Hey, why you acting all stuck

382. I know Chris is cool and everything,

383. but you're too good for me?

384. Tasha!

385. I want everyone to listen to me!

386. Tasha is

387. not my girlfriend.

388. She never was.

389. I know everybody thinks that something

390. was going on between us, but nothing happened.

391. And not nothing something. Nothing nothing.

392. Tasha's a nice girl.

393. She's not like that.

394. I got rid of a mouse for her.

395. Then she gave me a kiss on the cheek and a hug. That's it.

396. Tasha, I'm sorry.

397. Now, would you all

398. quit talking about this?

399. Because there is nothing to talk about.

400. I wish there was something to talk about.

401. But there's not.

402. Okay?

403. Get off of my car, fool!

404. How did he know my nickname?

405. I can't believe you made the whole thing up.

406. I didn't make anything up.

407. Everyone else did. What do you expect people to think

408. with you running around saying,

409. "Yeah, well, you know" to everything?

410. That's why I had to stop it.

411. I thought you were so in there.

412. Everybody did.

413. Listen, just don't say anything to anybody. I want this to die.

414. I won't say a word.

415. This is going to stay between you and me.

416. All right.

417. Just like before.

418. Hey.

419. Ew!

420. How you guys doing?

421. Shut up! Shut up!

422. You blew it, cornbread.

423. Some Sweetback you are.

424. I wasn't the only one looking for redemption.

425. Back at the catalog store,

426. my father was taking his sweet stamps back.

427. I'm here to redeem my stamps.

428. What would you like?

429. The olive green refrigerator.

430. We're out of those.

431. You have one in yellow?

432. No. We're out of the refrigerators.

433. Well, what about the stove?

434. Gone.

435. The sofa? Uh-uh.

436. Washing machine? Nope.

437. Electric ping Nada.

438. Mini Zilch.

439. The golden boomerang? The bishop

440. just walked out with the last one.

441. Hello.

442. So what do you have?

443. Well, we got this.

444. Oh, cool. Nice.

445. This is a nice canoe.

446. 100,000 more stamps and we could get a river.

447. Julius, where you plan on putting this canoe?

448. I don't know. Somewhere.

449. Where's the canoe?

450. How did they untie it?

451. When did they take it?

452. They wouldn't have taken a refrigerator.

453. The next week, that's exactly

454. how they stole our new refrigerator.

455. That's 4,652 books worth of stamps!

456. The word back on the block

457. was that Tasha and I had never done a thing,

458. but sometimes you have to hear things

459. from the horse's mouth.

460. Miss Clarkson?

461. What do you want with your little mannish behind?

462. I wanted to apologize.

463. What exactly is it that you're apologizing for?

464. Well, first, to Tasha for letting all those people

465. believe all that stuff about her.

466. And to you for going into your house without your permission.

467. Did your mother send you over here to do that?

468. Because, if she did...

469. She didn't.

470. You're not fooling anybody.

471. I know you.

472. I don't know what you do

473. with these little fast girls around here,

474. but you're not going to do that with Tasha.

475. Miss Clarkson missed me when Tasha started

476. dating Bobby Brown.

477. Chris?

478. Thank you.

479. Hey! Little dude from across the street.

480. Man, that's too bad what happened with you and Tasha.

481. I told you, nothing happened with me and Tasha.

482. Yeah, I know. Let me hold a dollar.

483. They say the truth will set you free,

484. but in my case it cost a dollar.

485. At least I still had Dee Dee's phone number.

486. Give me back my phone number!

487. You better not have it memorized.