1. One of the biggest problemsCopy !req
2. I had in school
was I got no respect.Copy !req
3. People disrespected
me at lunch.Copy !req
4. Hey! That's my roll.Copy !req
5. Shut up.Copy !req
6. They disrespected me
in the halls.Copy !req
7. Hey, man,
that's my coat.Copy !req
8. Shut up!Copy !req
9. They even disrespected me
during fire drills.Copy !req
10. Oh, Chris, you
go back insideCopy !req
11. and make sure
nothing valuable burns.Copy !req
12. I tried to make friends.Copy !req
13. I even ran for office.Copy !req
14. I just couldn't
get any respect.Copy !req
15. Hey!
Shut up.Copy !req
16. You. Pick those up.Copy !req
17. What if I don't?Copy !req
18. The only kids in school
that got respect from everyoneCopy !req
19. were the hall monitors.Copy !req
20. I'll put you
in detention so long,Copy !req
21. your kids will get
out of school before you.Copy !req
22. Hall monitors were the closest
thing we had to the police.Copy !req
23. They couldn't arrest you,
but they could write you up.Copy !req
24. Thanks.Copy !req
25. Oh, and if you're black,
they could shoot you.Copy !req
26. You need to be in class.Copy !req
27. All right.Copy !req
28. Being on the wrong side
of a hall monitorCopy !req
29. was like being
on the wrong side of the law.Copy !req
30. Nobody messed
with those guys.Copy !req
31. What you going
to do now... Coco Puff?Copy !req
32. The only thing I could do—Copy !req
33. join the few, the proud,
the hall monitors.Copy !req
34. Captioning sponsored byCopy !req
35. Captioning sponsored byCopy !req
36. Man, a hall monitor.Copy !req
37. How'd you get in?Copy !req
38. Jesse Jackson
threatened a boycott.Copy !req
39. Oh, I asked Mrs. Milone.Copy !req
40. She said as long as
I kept my grades up,Copy !req
41. there'll be no problem.Copy !req
42. Man, I always wantedCopy !req
43. to be a hall monitor.Copy !req
44. What Greg imagined
hall monitors didCopy !req
45. and what they actually did
were two different things.Copy !req
46. Hall Dog One to Hall Dog Two.Copy !req
47. I have a group of
violators. Sector one.Copy !req
48. On my signal... Go! Go! Go!Copy !req
49. Hall monitors! Down!Copy !req
50. Get on the ground! Go!Copy !req
51. That's what happens to punksCopy !req
52. who linger
after the second bell.Copy !req
53. Book 'em, guys.Copy !req
54. We got a runner!Copy !req
55. This is so awesome.Copy !req
56. Yeah, I know, and
the best thing is,Copy !req
57. I'm finally going
to get some respect.Copy !req
58. Watch out, Othello.Copy !req
59. It'll be different when
you get your armband on.Copy !req
60. Yeah, if I wrap it
around a baseball bat.Copy !req
61. When my mother worked,
she had two jobs—Copy !req
62. her job and complaining
about her job.Copy !req
63. You will not believe
what this womanCopy !req
64. did at my job today.Copy !req
65. Did she wake anybody up?Copy !req
66. What?Copy !req
67. When I first walked in,Copy !req
68. she had the nerve
to smile in my faceCopy !req
69. and then look up at the clock,Copy !req
70. and say, "Ooh,
train running late?"Copy !req
71. I don't know who
she thinks she is,Copy !req
72. but she is not my boss.Copy !req
73. Every time my mother
got a new job,Copy !req
74. there was always
someone she hated.Copy !req
75. At the hospital, it was Tammy.Copy !req
76. So Tammy says to setCopy !req
77. the defibrillator to 200.Copy !req
78. I know how to setCopy !req
79. the defibrillator.Copy !req
80. I'm gonna defibrillate her.Copy !req
81. At the fire station,
it was Betty.Copy !req
82. That damn BettyCopy !req
83. set the water pressureCopy !req
84. at a hundred poundsCopy !req
85. per square inch,Copy !req
86. when she know
I told her to set itCopy !req
87. at 130 pounds per square inch.Copy !req
88. I should've turned
the hose on her.Copy !req
89. And at NASA, it was Belinda.Copy !req
90. Can you believe that heifer?Copy !req
91. I told her to set
the aft boosterCopy !req
92. at 25,000 feet per second,Copy !req
93. and she looked at
me like I'm crazy.Copy !req
94. Now, if we would've got stuck
in the ionosphere,Copy !req
95. she would've been like, "Oh,
well, what we gonna do now?"Copy !req
96. More Tang?Copy !req
97. And at the office,
it was Charmaine.Copy !req
98. And then when
I got back from lunch,Copy !req
99. she done move my stapler.Copy !req
100. Talking about, "That's
not where it goes."Copy !req
101. I told her I put it there,Copy !req
102. so that's where it goes.Copy !req
103. He didn't hear a word she said.Copy !req
104. Come on, baby, get up.Copy !req
105. You gotta get ready for work.Copy !req
106. He's up, woman.Copy !req
107. Chris, your job begins
the moment the bell rings.Copy !req
108. I know, and I'm supposed
to keep things orderly.Copy !req
109. If anyone breaks a rule,Copy !req
110. I'm supposed
to issue a citation.Copy !req
111. The first citation is
considered a warning.Copy !req
112. The second is detention,Copy !req
113. The third is suspension.Copy !req
114. And most importantly,
after that second bell rings,Copy !req
115. any student out in the hallCopy !req
116. has to have
a hall pass.
Correct.Copy !req
117. Here is your citation bookCopy !req
118. and your armband.Copy !req
119. Good luck.Copy !req
120. Now, what if I give
someone a citationCopy !req
121. but they don't want to take it?Copy !req
122. Issue them a citation.Copy !req
123. But if they didn't take
the first citation,Copy !req
124. why would they take the second?Copy !req
125. If you get a citation
for not taking a citation,Copy !req
126. that's another citation and
that's an automatic suspension.Copy !req
127. But what if...?Copy !req
128. If you have
any more questions,Copy !req
129. pretend I'm still hereCopy !req
130. and I said, "Issue a citation."Copy !req
131. I'd like to issue a citation
upside her head.Copy !req
132. Tonya tried playing
with me and Drew,Copy !req
133. but we would never cooperate.Copy !req
134. Mama.Copy !req
135. What?Copy !req
136. Chris and Drew won't play right.Copy !req
137. This is how we played dolls.Copy !req
138. Hey, anybody want
to play dolls with me?Copy !req
139. Sure.
Sure.Copy !req
140. I know your style,
Bed-Stuy Dragon Fist.Copy !req
141. I know your style,
Park Slope Flying Tiger.Copy !req
142. Stop.Copy !req
143. It's not funny.Copy !req
144. This is how
we played hopscotch.Copy !req
145. Go, fish.Copy !req
146. Y'all stop! Ma!Copy !req
147. And this is how
we played jump rope.Copy !req
148. You play too much. Come on.Copy !req
149. No, you're the one messing up.Copy !req
150. I'm not doing nothing.Copy !req
151. Shut up.
Shut up.Copy !req
152. Ahh!Copy !req
153. Ah!Copy !req
154. Stop!Copy !req
155. Ma!Copy !req
156. Get o me!Copy !req
157. Tonya, why don't you invite
some friendsCopy !req
158. to come over to play?Copy !req
159. Because you say you ain't want
none of those raggedy kidsCopy !req
160. in your house.Copy !req
161. She actually said somethingCopy !req
162. much worse than "raggedy."Copy !req
163. Fine. You can have some
friends over, but keep themCopy !req
164. out of my room,
out of my kitchenCopy !req
165. and out of my way,
and don't bringCopy !req
166. that little crazy
girl over here.Copy !req
167. Thanks, Ma.Copy !req
168. Hey, where
you going?Copy !req
169. You're not finished yet.Copy !req
170. Get back over here.Copy !req
171. So, for the first time
in her life,Copy !req
172. Tonya had friends.Copy !req
173. A lot of people
don't know this,Copy !req
174. but Billy Ocean
invented the moonwalk.Copy !req
175. And it almost killed her.Copy !req
176. And his real name
is Leslie Charles.Copy !req
177. Did you know in AfricaCopy !req
178. and Europe, they
changed the lyricsCopy !req
179. to "African" and
"European Queen"?Copy !req
180. And in Puerto Rico,Copy !req
181. they changed it
to "Drama Queen."Copy !req
182. Oh.Copy !req
183. Hey, Drew.Copy !req
184. Hi.
What are you watching?Copy !req
185. Duel of the
Iron Fist.Copy !req
186. Ooh, I like Duel
of the Iron Fist.
Liar.Copy !req
187. Want to watch?Copy !req
188. No, that's all right.Copy !req
189. That day, my sister learned
something I already knew.Copy !req
190. When it came to Drew,Copy !req
191. you could kiss your
girlfriends good-bye.Copy !req
192. It was exciting knowing
for the first time,Copy !req
193. I wasn't going
to get walked on,Copy !req
194. stepped over or pushed around.Copy !req
195. I was finally going
to get some respect.Copy !req
196. Hey, you! Stop running.
Shut up.Copy !req
197. He must not have
seen my armband.Copy !req
198. Hey, no gum-chewing
in school.Copy !req
199. Shut up!
Shut up!Copy !req
200. Hey, no rough housing
in the halls.Copy !req
201. Shut up.
Shut up.Copy !req
202. You'd better listen
or else I'm gonnaCopy !req
203. have to give you a citation.Copy !req
204. A'ight.
Well, that's better.Copy !req
205. Ow! Oh, no. Oh!Copy !req
206. No. Uh-uh. No! No. No, no.Copy !req
207. No, not the locker, not the
locker, not the locker! No!Copy !req
208. No! You can't
do this to me!Copy !req
209. I'm a hall monitor!Copy !req
210. Now I'm a locker monitor.Copy !req
211. Greg. Greg.Copy !req
212. Come here.Copy !req
213. Thanks, man.Copy !req
214. What happened to you?Copy !req
215. Tried to give these
guys a citationCopy !req
216. and they shoved me
in the locker.Copy !req
217. I'm not surprised.Copy !req
218. I mean, just look at
your body language.Copy !req
219. What body language?Copy !req
220. It screams, "Ignore me."Copy !req
221. Your shoulders
are hunched over.Copy !req
222. You're staring at the ground
and you sound like a girl.Copy !req
223. Let me have that.Copy !req
224. I don't sound like a girl.Copy !req
225. You hear like a girl.Copy !req
226. And throw like a girl,
run like a girlCopy !req
227. and scream like a girl.Copy !req
228. I'm just saying—
people can hearCopy !req
229. the fear in your voice.Copy !req
230. If you want to
give out citations,Copy !req
231. you have to give them out
like you mean it.Copy !req
232. What is that for?Copy !req
233. It's my thing.Copy !req
234. Kojak had a lollipop
and I got this.Copy !req
235. Hey!Copy !req
236. What?Copy !req
237. How many times
do I have to tell you?Copy !req
238. No gum-chewing in the halls.Copy !req
239. You never told us
no gum-chewing.Copy !req
240. I'm telling you now.Copy !req
241. Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.Copy !req
242. That explains
why Greg didn't getCopy !req
243. a date until he was 20.Copy !req
244. See?
Well, if you're
so good at it,Copy !req
245. why don't you
become a hall monitor?Copy !req
246. Who am I kidding?
Study hall is safer.Copy !req
247. Want this?Copy !req
248. No, I'll get my own.Copy !req
249. While I was learning
how to deal with people,Copy !req
250. Tonya was dealing
with being alone.Copy !req
251. Where are all your friends?Copy !req
252. I told them
they couldn't come over.Copy !req
253. Why?Copy !req
254. BecauseCopy !req
255. they like you better than me.Copy !req
256. Later on,
my father had evacuatedCopy !req
257. to avoid Hurricane Rochelle.Copy !req
258. Man, you will not believe
what that wench did today.Copy !req
259. Julius?Copy !req
260. Unfortunately for my dad,Copy !req
261. my mother needed to talk.Copy !req
262. Julius?Copy !req
263. And she needed to talk to him.Copy !req
264. Julius?Copy !req
265. She was like a bloodhound
looking for a prisoner.Copy !req
266. Julius.Copy !req
267. HuhCopy !req
268. What are you doing in here?Copy !req
269. Oh, I was making the bed
and then I feel asleep.Copy !req
270. Liar.Copy !req
271. Oh, let me tell you
what Charmaine did today.Copy !req
272. So she says to me, "Did you just
get your hair done?"Copy !req
273. And she said it just like that.Copy !req
274. And then she passes me the card
to her hairdresserCopy !req
275. and says, "Ooh, you know, girl,
you should go to him.Copy !req
276. He's real good."Copy !req
277. I mean she got
some nerve.Copy !req
278. Her hair so short, she can't
even roll it with rice.Copy !req
279. I'm telling you, she got
one more time.Copy !req
280. Maybe she thought
you'd like her hairdresser.Copy !req
281. Uh-oh.Copy !req
282. Are you defending her?Copy !req
283. No. Um, I just thought...
maybe you took it wrong.Copy !req
284. I took it wrong?Copy !req
285. She asked me if I just
got my hair doneCopy !req
286. and then hands me a card
to her hairdresser.Copy !req
287. That's like somebody
asking you if you
just took a showerCopy !req
288. and then handing you
a bar of soap.Copy !req
289. I was just trying to help.Copy !req
290. Help who?Copy !req
291. The woman has been messing with
me since the day I got there.Copy !req
292. Now you're telling me
I'm taking it wrong?Copy !req
293. Oh, no, she gonna take it wrongCopy !req
294. when I knock her
over her block head.Copy !req
295. Calm down.Copy !req
296. Calm down?Copy !req
297. Why should I calm down?Copy !req
298. Oh, so I guess
you're going to
take sides with her, too.Copy !req
299. Next thing I know, you're gonna
be passing me a cardCopy !req
300. to her hairdresser.Copy !req
301. Why you getting
mad at me?Copy !req
302. This woman hands you a card
and you trying to start a fight.Copy !req
303. I am not trying
to start a fight.Copy !req
304. She's the one trying
to start a fight.Copy !req
305. I don't care who's trying
to start a fight.Copy !req
306. I'm trying to get some sleep.Copy !req
307. Well, I am so sorry for trying
to have a conversationCopy !req
308. with my husband!Copy !req
309. I've learned that when dealing
with a womanCopy !req
310. who has a problem, the last
thing she wants from a manCopy !req
311. is a solution.Copy !req
312. Later I was thinking
about Greg.Copy !req
313. And I wondered how my heroes
would handleCopy !req
314. being a hall monitor.Copy !req
315. I thought about how
Mr. T would handle it.Copy !req
316. I pity the fool who doesn't
have a hall pass.Copy !req
317. I thought about how
Dirty Harry would handle it.Copy !req
318. I know what you're thinking...Copy !req
319. Was that the first bell
or the second bell?Copy !req
320. Well, you have to ask
yourself one question—Copy !req
321. do you feel lucky?Copy !req
322. Well, do you, punk?Copy !req
323. I even thought about how
the Terminator would handle it.Copy !req
324. No citation...
I'll be black.Copy !req
325. If I was going to get
any respect,Copy !req
326. I had to act like
I deserved it.Copy !req
327. Tuck in your shirt.Copy !req
328. That felt good.Copy !req
329. Hey!Copy !req
330. You want to fight
so bad,Copy !req
331. fight the power.Copy !req
332. That felt even better.Copy !req
333. Run by here again, you're going
to get more than a citation.Copy !req
334. No shades.Copy !req
335. He's blind.Copy !req
336. No snacks.Copy !req
337. Hey, didn't you see me
come down just now?Copy !req
338. Yeah.Copy !req
339. So what, you're not going
to slap my books out of my handCopy !req
340. call me Chim-Chim,
Yafat and Roscoe?Copy !req
341. Oh, I, uh, I got
to go to class.Copy !req
342. Oh.Copy !req
343. Well, take this with you.Copy !req
344. What's this for?Copy !req
345. I don't know, Bing,
you tell me.Copy !req
346. I wonder if this is how
the first black cop felt.Copy !req
347. Hey, pick that up!Copy !req
348. Pick up the citation, too!Copy !req
349. She must think
she lost her mind.Copy !req
350. Take off your hat.Copy !req
351. With that citation book
and an armband,Copy !req
352. I had the power
to run this joint.Copy !req
353. Hey, you, where's
your hall pass?Copy !req
354. Oh, hey, man, you had
me worried there for a minute.Copy !req
355. Greg, where's your hall pass?Copy !req
356. Funny, man.Copy !req
357. I'm not joking.Copy !req
358. You're writing me up?Copy !req
359. It's my job.Copy !req
360. Nice work.Copy !req
361. The citation doesn't seem
like a big deal,Copy !req
362. but it kept Greg from getting
a job with the FBI.Copy !req
363. I thought I had just
done my job,Copy !req
364. but Greg thought I had
done a job on him.Copy !req
365. Greg.Copy !req
366. So what are you doing
for lunch tomorrow?Copy !req
367. Staying out of the hallways,
that's what I'm doing.Copy !req
368. Listen, I was just
doing my job.Copy !req
369. I was using the bathroom.
You could have used
your discretion.Copy !req
370. Listen, I didn't want
people to thinkCopy !req
371. that I was going to be
soft on you just because
you were my friend.Copy !req
372. You don't have to worry
about that anymore.Copy !req
373. Half the school thinks
you're crazy.Copy !req
374. You're like a dog with
citation rabies.Copy !req
375. We're all scared of you.Copy !req
376. Well, it's better
than when people
weren't scared of me.Copy !req
377. Even Caruso's
leaving me alone.Copy !req
378. I used to respect you.Copy !req
379. Even though you got picked on,
made fun of and left out,Copy !req
380. at least you knew
who you were.Copy !req
381. Yeah, I was the kid
who got picked on,Copy !req
382. made fun of and left out.Copy !req
383. Greg.Copy !req
384. I'm eating lunch by myself.Copy !req
385. Chris.Copy !req
386. Can I speak to you for a moment?Copy !req
387. Yeah.Copy !req
388. So, Chris, I hear our newest
hall monitorCopy !req
389. is making a big impression.Copy !req
390. Thanks.Copy !req
391. Chris, we're friends, right?Copy !req
392. Yeah...Copy !req
393. No.Copy !req
394. I'm not part of the
hall monitor program.Copy !req
395. But, as a friend, I think
you should slow down a bit.Copy !req
396. Why?Copy !req
397. You just said I was impressive.Copy !req
398. To me, yes.Copy !req
399. But to the rest
of the students...Copy !req
400. well, they hate you.Copy !req
401. They've always hated me.Copy !req
402. True, but they used to hate you
because you were black.Copy !req
403. Now they hate you because
you're acting like a jerk.Copy !req
404. And because I'm black.Copy !req
405. So what do you mean?Copy !req
406. You judo-flipped Rodney
for wearing a hat.Copy !req
407. And I'm just doing my job.Copy !req
408. I know how aggressive
the downtrodden can getCopy !req
409. when they get a little taste
of power.Copy !req
410. But, Chris,Copy !req
411. you're just a hall monitor.Copy !req
412. Calm down.Copy !req
413. While I was thinking about
who I had turned into,Copy !req
414. my father was worried about
what he was walking into.Copy !req
415. Hey, babe.Copy !req
416. You know, I don't
understand why youCopy !req
417. just can't
listen to me.Copy !req
418. I'm upset and I want to talk
about what happened at work.Copy !req
419. I listen to youCopy !req
420. when you complain
about work.Copy !req
421. My father never complained
about workCopy !req
422. no matter what happened.Copy !req
423. One time he ran into a wall.Copy !req
424. How was work, honey?Copy !req
425. Fine.Copy !req
426. One time he got held up.Copy !req
427. Oh, how was
work, honey?Copy !req
428. Fine.Copy !req
429. One time he got
his head cut off.Copy !req
430. So how was work?Copy !req
431. Fine.Copy !req
432. Chris, let me get
a piece of that bacon.Copy !req
433. I was just making
a suggestion.Copy !req
434. Do you think I stayed married
for 14 yearsCopy !req
435. because I need suggestions?Copy !req
436. If I needed suggestions,Copy !req
437. I'll get a suggestion box.Copy !req
438. I need for somebody
to listen to me.Copy !req
439. I'm telling you, if Charmaine
says one more thing to meCopy !req
440. I'm going to strangle her.Copy !req
441. He knows exactly how
she feels right now.Copy !req
442. So, you just want me
to listen to you?Copy !req
443. Yes, baby.Copy !req
444. I need to know that
you're on my side.Copy !req
445. While my dad was trying
to see it my mom's way,Copy !req
446. Drew was trying
not to be seen.Copy !req
447. Up, side, pull, pull.Copy !req
448. Up, side, pull, pull.Copy !req
449. Up, side, pull, pull.Copy !req
450. Funny, Drew never stayed
out of the wayCopy !req
451. when I had girls over.Copy !req
452. Later I was trying to learn
what R-E-S-P-E-C-T meant to me.Copy !req
453. Dad, how do you
get respect?Copy !req
454. Respect?
You got to earn it.Copy !req
455. How do I do that?Copy !req
456. By being the type of person
that deserves respect.Copy !req
457. But what if I am and people
still don't respect me?Copy !req
458. If you were,
then that wouldn't happen.Copy !req
459. But how am I supposed
to earn respectCopy !req
460. if people
don't respect me?Copy !req
461. Respect yourself.Copy !req
462. And how am I supposed
to do that?Copy !req
463. Do you respect me?Copy !req
464. Sure.Copy !req
465. But what if you didn't?Copy !req
466. Then what would I do?Copy !req
467. Break my arm.Copy !req
468. That wouldn't make you
respect me, Chris.Copy !req
469. That would make you
scared of me.Copy !req
470. When you respect people,
you aren't afraid of them.Copy !req
471. When you're afraid of them,
you don't respect them.Copy !req
472. I'm afraid I don't know
what you're talking about.Copy !req
473. Since my mother
stopped talking,Copy !req
474. my father started listening.Copy !req
475. How was work today?Copy !req
476. That's all she needed to hear.Copy !req
477. You won't believe
what happened today.Copy !req
478. What happened?Copy !req
479. Well, see, I was supposed to
take my lunch break at 1:00,Copy !req
480. but then all of a sudden
Charmaine decidesCopy !req
481. that she wants to go at 12:30.Copy !req
482. 12:30?Copy !req
483. Mm-hmm. She did it on purpose,
too.Copy !req
484. She knew I was hungry
and didn't have a break.Copy !req
485. And she knew that?Copy !req
486. Mm-hmm. And not only
did she take it for one hour,Copy !req
487. she took it for an hour
and eight minutes.Copy !req
488. An hour and eight minutes?Copy !req
489. Yes. I told you
she was crazy.Copy !req
490. Yeah, she's crazy.Copy !req
491. Going to leave at 12:30 for
an hour and eight-minute lunchCopy !req
492. and you ain't had a break.
See, that's
what I'm saying.Copy !req
493. Ooh.
Crazy.Copy !req
494. What's wrong with her?
I don't know.Copy !req
495. Little did my mother know,
somewhere across town,Copy !req
496. this was happening.Copy !req
497. Then Rochelle had the
nerve to tell me,Copy !req
498. "Charmaine, when it comes
to makeup, less is more."Copy !req
499. Less is more?Copy !req
500. And she had the nerve
to answer my phone,Copy !req
501. and you know don't nobody
answer my phone but me.Copy !req
502. She answers your phone?Copy !req
503. And now my typewriter
ribbon is missing.Copy !req
504. I know Rochelle got
my ribbon.Copy !req
505. I can't prove it, but
I know she got it.Copy !req
506. She talked about your makeup,
answers your phoneCopy !req
507. and stole your
typewriter ribbon?
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
508. I told you
that woman was crazy.
Hmm.Copy !req
509. Hey.Copy !req
510. Hey.
Listen, I just want to sayCopy !req
511. I'm sorry about the
whole citation thing.Copy !req
512. Guess I just got
carried away.Copy !req
513. Yeah, no kidding.Copy !req
514. So I'll see
you later?Copy !req
515. Chris.Copy !req
516. Yeah?Copy !req
517. Want to grab
a slice for lunch?Copy !req
518. Yeah.Copy !req
519. Now I knew what
my father meant.Copy !req
520. I was never afraid of Greg,
but I sure did respect him.Copy !req
521. What about your
hall monitor post?Copy !req
522. I quit.Copy !req
523. Why?Copy !req
524. Either people are
going to respect meCopy !req
525. because I'm Chris
or they're not.Copy !req
526. Either way,
I'm still me.Copy !req
527. That's cool.Copy !req
528. So who's going
to replace you?Copy !req
529. Don't know, don't care.Copy !req
530. Here you go.Copy !req
531. What's this?Copy !req
532. W-W-B— walking while black.Copy !req