Everybody Hates Chris 1x5

Chris lets a neighbourhood kid ride his bike, despite Julius's warnings, and he takes off with it. When Julius's co-workers go on strike he takes up some of the housework, much to Rochelle's annoyance.

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1. I got a new bike when we moved.

2. Now, before 13-year-olds started driving Bentleys,

3. a new bike was pretty impressive.

4. My last bike had gotten stolen,

5. so my father had one rule.

6. Don't let nobody ride it.

7. My mother had one rule too.

8. Chris, you can only ride

9. from this end of the block to that end of the block.

10. Sometimes, I could only ride in a circle in front of the house.

11. There were hundreds of kids on my block,

12. but only four fathers.

13. There was Mr. Jenkins.

14. He had all girls, so he was always screaming.

15. Hey! Hey!

16. You boys get away from my daughter.

17. Mr. Parrish's wife cheated on him,

18. so he was always checking

19. to see if his kids looked like him.

20. He was the first man in Bed-Stuy to get a DNA test.

21. Mr. Hutchins had two grown sons who wouldn't move out.

22. They're holding out like, "Last one dies gets the apartment."

23. And there's my dad, Julius. Morning, Julius!

24. Because unemployment was so high,

25. the dads all knew each other,

26. 'cause they were the only men going to work in the morning.

27. Between these four dads, they had 16 jobs

28. and worked 492 hours a week!

29. Bed-Stuy wasn't the best neighborhood in Brooklyn,

30. but it wasn't quite as bad as people thought.

31. You say, "Bed-Stuy," and people think this:

32. But it was a pretty regular place.

33. Mail got delivered.

34. People ran businesses.

35. Kids played in the street.

36. My problem was, since I didn't go to school

37. in the neighborhood, the thugs didn't know me,

38. so they would rob me almost every single day.

39. Yo, yo, yo, little man.

40. You live around here?

41. I live right down there.

42. I could tell him where I lived,

43. but then he might break in my house.

44. Man, what school you go to?

45. Corleone Junior High.

46. Corleone?

47. You ever heard of that? No.

48. Y'all ever heard of Corleone Junior High?

49. These fools never heard of Yale!

50. Hey, man, we ain't never heard of that.

51. So, uh... why don't you let me hold a dollar?

52. In case you didn't know, when a criminal says,

53. "Let me hold something,"

54. that means you're never getting it back.

55. Let me hold your cash register.

56. Thank you.

57. It could have been worse.

58. I could have been going to pay the light bill.

59. Nothing could stop my father from working

60. unless work stopped working.

61. Local truckers are on strike today over dangerous conditions

62. brought about by what they call "lack of adequate signage."

63. Apparently, a driver was injured in an explosion

64. caused when gasoline fumes were ignited as he filled his tank.

65. I can't believe this! What's wrong?

66. I'm on strike. What happened?

67. They say we're in dangerous conditions,

68. and they got to put warning signs on the truck,

69. 'cause some guy got in an accident.

70. It was a little more than an accident.

71. Well, how long do you think this is gonna last?

72. I don't know, but I can't be out of work right now.

73. I'm trying to put some extra money down on the heat bill.

74. Plus, the kids need new winter coats.

75. Well, Chris could wear Drew's old coat.

76. And Tanya will be okay.

77. Her sleeves might be a little short, but we'll just

78. buy her longer gloves.

79. Fool don't know better than to light fire around gas,

80. and now I'm all messed up.

81. Baby, don't worry, I can just go down

82. to the temp agency on Monday and get a job.

83. They like me.

84. My mother was pretty good with people when she wanted to be,

85. so she never had any problem getting a job.

86. Oh, you can stick it!

87. I told you not to call my old job.

88. You trying to get that secretary job?

89. Girl, I like your shoes.

90. Rochelle.

91. Hi. Nice to meet you.

92. Whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa.

93. Yo, little man, let me hold a dollar.

94. I don't have any money.

95. So, what you got, then? Nothing!

96. I stopped carrying stuff, 'cause every time I come by here,

97. you ask me where I live.

98. I say, "Right down there," and then you rob me anyway.

99. You live around here? Yeah, right down there.

100. That's a nice bike.

101. Look at that. Yeah.

102. That's new? Yeah.

103. Why don't you, uh, let me take a ride on your bike.

104. Can I steal your bike, please?

105. My dad said not to let anybody ride it.

106. Why don't you guys leave him alone?

107. Yo, Fat Mike. You know this dude?

108. Yeah. He lives right up the street.

109. Man, why you ain't say you know Fat Mike?

110. Uh, because I don't.

111. Fat Mike... you know him?

112. No. Come on, man.

113. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

114. Let me hold a dollar.

115. Why do you hang out with those guys?

116. I just know them from the block.

117. I wasn't sure why Fat Mike was hanging with me,

118. but as long as it kept me from getting robbed, I was cool.

119. You go to school around here?

120. Yeah. Where do you go?

121. Corleone. It's all the way over in Brooklyn Beach.

122. Why do you go over there?

123. My mom. She thinks it's better.

124. That's a nice bike.

125. How long you had it?

126. About three months now.

127. I got it for my birthday.

128. I wish I had that one.

129. Why do they call you Fat Mike?

130. They just always did.

131. There were about ten Mikes in my neighborhood.

132. Big Head Mike spent more time in jail than out of jail.

133. White Mike was just a white guy who lived on the block.

134. Family didn't have enough money to leave.

135. Tall Mike played ball.

136. Monster Mike just scared kids.

137. And Mike Mike was actually

138. the first Mike that lived on the block.

139. But his real name was Paul.

140. Oh, don't be scared of them.

141. They'll leave you alone after a while.

142. When they go to jail.

143. You want to hang out after school tomorrow?

144. I can't. I got to go to Jersey to see my father.

145. I think I was the first kid that Fat Mike knew

146. that actually had a father that lived at home.

147. All right, then I'll catch you later.

148. My father felt uncomfortable when he didn't have a job.

149. So when he was home, he would do any work he could find.

150. Five cent worth of bread.

151. Ten cent worth of Kool-Aid.

152. Hey, man.

153. You want to take a ride down to the park?

154. I can't go off the block.

155. Well, can I take a ride on your bike?

156. Can't let anybody ride it.

157. I'm only going to the corner.

158. Cool guys always have a way

159. of making you feel like a punk if you don't do what they say.

160. All right, I guess so.

161. But it's only down to the corner.

162. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

163. Fat Mike!

164. Fat Mike!

165. Boy, stop all the hollering and put your bike up.

166. It's time to come in.

167. Hi, Mom.

168. Hey, Mom.

169. Daddy showed me how to fold napkins.

170. Julius, what's all this?

171. Hey, babe, how are you doing?

172. You were working, so I wanted to have dinner ready for you.

173. I cleaned the house too.

174. Daddy washed and ironed all my school clothes.

175. Mine too.

176. He even sewed up the holes in my socks.

177. Did he, now?

178. Looks like you were really busy today.

179. You would think my mother would be happy

180. that my father was helping out.

181. But if losing his job was bad, doing her job was worse.

182. You want to eat?

183. No, I'm not that hungry.

184. Hey, Mom.

185. What's wrong with Mom?

186. She probably got a headache from work or something.

187. Uh, did you bring your bike in?

188. Yeah.

189. You didn't let anybody ride it... No!

190. Good. These guys around here will steal it.

191. Got that sausage. I'm full, Dad.

192. Me too. Those biscuits were good.

193. Made 'em from scratch.

194. Hey, Dad, can we have bacon tomorrow?

195. Anything for you, baby.

196. All right, you guys, uh,

197. finish getting ready for school.

198. All right. Chris,

199. I was in the basement.

200. I didn't see your bike.

201. I put it under a sheet so it wouldn't get dirty.

202. Not my good sheets? No, ma'am.

203. If my parents found out about my bike,

204. this was gonna be my last meal.

205. What you put in these eggs?

206. Just a little ham, cheddar cheese, season salt,

207. a touch of basil, and just a-a little dash of hot sauce.

208. Taste a little funny.

209. You want something else?

210. I'll have some sausage.

211. Okay.

212. Mmm.

213. A little dry. Rochelle,

214. I feel bad enough about not working.

215. I don't need you around here

216. complaining about how I do things.

217. If you did things right, I wouldn't have to complain.

218. Half the stuff around here I do better than you.

219. It ain't that hard.

220. My father was the oldest of 10 brothers and sisters.

221. He had been cooking and cleaning all of his life.

222. But even if the job wasn't that hard,

223. he's not supposed to say it.

224. What?

225. You got something to say?

226. Well, ain't this about a b—

227. Ooh!

228. Are you crazy?

229. You do my job for one day.

230. Oh!

231. And I make that damn hard!

232. You baking, frying, biscuit-baking,

233. pancake-making, bald-headed bastard!

234. Ow!

235. You must think I'm crazy!

236. You can kiss my ain't-that-hard...

237. Have you lost your mind?

238. And that was my mother's way of letting him off easy.

239. Got that?

240. Oh, yeah. Hey.

241. What's up, little man?

242. I was looking for Fat Mike. You know Fat Mike?

243. Yeah. I was here the other day when y'all tried to rob me.

244. Oh.

245. You're the little dude from across the street, huh?

246. That's the little dude from across the street.

247. Oh, yeah. We didn't know that was you.

248. You said that like I had on a disguise.

249. Man, I ain't seen Fat Mike.

250. I ain't seen him, either.

251. If you see him, can you let him know

252. Chris was looking for him?

253. Yeah. Little dude?

254. You know him?

255. Nope.

256. All right. All right.

257. Yeah, fresh meat. Yeah, what's up?

258. Yeah. Back.

259. Let me hold a dollar.

260. I didn't know Fat Mike's real name.

261. I didn't know where he lived.

262. All I knew was, I had to get my bike back,

263. because if I didn't...

264. Mama, where's Chris?

265. Somebody stole his bike

266. after I told him not to let anybody ride it.

267. So I smacked him into next week.

268. I told you.

269. He'll be back on Tuesday.

270. Chris. Oh, thanks.

271. Mom, Dad found $20 cleaning under my bed.

272. That's nice.

273. He let me keep five.

274. Daddy, can you fix my doll's dress? It ripped.

275. I can do that for you, baby.

276. Oh, I want Dad to do it.

277. He sews good.

278. "Well." I sew well. I guess you do.

279. Dad, this is good. What's this called?

280. It's nothing. Just...

281. Mmm, it tastes like syrup.

282. It's maple barbecue baked chicken.

283. Is that why it's so sweet?

284. Oh, Ma, Dad cleaned the dishes good.

285. I can see myself in the spoon.

286. Oh, Dad, do we have dessert?

287. Well, do we?

288. Yeah. Peach cobbler.

289. Peach cobbler! Peach cobbler!

290. Oh, I love peach cobbler! Whoo!

291. Ma, how come you never made peach cobbler?

292. Ma, he made the ice cream from scratch too.

293. Mm-hmm.

294. Can you pass some butter, please?

295. It's supposed to be biscuits.

296. Yeah. You want that biscuit?

297. Dad, did you make the soda too?

298. Hey, need any help with the dishes?

299. Oh, no, baby, I got it.

300. Don't worry about it.

301. Yeah, well, I guess I'm gonna go to bed, then.

302. All right.

303. When do you think this strike is gonna end?

304. I don't know. They're still trying to figure out

305. who's gonna pay for the truck signs.

306. Well, I hope they figure it out soon.

307. Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing right.

308. Listen, I need a favor from you guys.

309. Okay. Okay.

310. Now, this is a little unusual,

311. but I need you to do what I tell you.

312. I want you to mess the house up.

313. Whoa. What?

314. Mess the house up?

315. Won't Mama get mad?

316. Yeah, but don't worry about it.

317. Can I set Chris on fire?

318. No, baby, don't set Chris on fire, okay?

319. At least this time she asked for permission.

320. Okay.

321. Good. Now mess up your beds,

322. eat a snack, leave your plates out.

323. Leave your drawers in the hallway.

324. Just don't set your brother on fire, all right?

325. Now, go! Yes!

326. All right, when I get done, can I go outside?

327. Yeah, but just out front. Yeah!

328. Black people didn't go this crazy again

329. until the L.A. riots.

330. I looked everywhere for Fat Mike.

331. Well, considering I couldn't go past the corner,

332. everywhere was about a block.

333. Hey, baby. It's getting late,

334. so why don't you get your bike

335. and come inside for dinner.

336. I'm sure your father made some fantastic meal.

337. I figured maybe if I told her

338. about my bike outside, she wouldn't kill me

339. because of all the witnesses.

340. Mom, Mom, Mom.

341. I got to tell you something.

342. What is it?

343. I love your cooking.

344. Thank you, baby.

345. Get your bike and come on inside.

346. Where were you?

347. You said you'd bring my bike back two days ago.

348. Sorry.

349. That's it? Sorry?

350. Well, what do you want me to say? I brought it back.

351. You act like I was going to steal it or something.

352. I did think you stole it.

353. Well, I didn't.

354. I didn't know a lot about Fat Mike,

355. but that's when I found out he wasn't a thief.

356. Hey... What?

357. I just didn't know where you were.

358. Well, your mom said not to let anyone ride your bike.

359. So I kept it so you wouldn't get in trouble.

360. Now to him, that just makes perfect sense.

361. You had my bike,

362. so why would I want your bike?

363. Anyway...

364. you coming out tomorrow?

365. Yeah, I guess so. I'll see you then.

366. That's what they call a friendship in Bed-Stuy:

367. a guy who doesn't steal your bike.

368. Hey, Ma. Hi, ba... by.

369. What in the world?

370. Julius!

371. Huh?

372. What in the world happened in here?

373. Huh?

374. I cannot believe...

375. What is this? I don't know.

376. What do you mean you don't know? It looks like a whirlwind.

377. Hey, what are you going to make for dinner?

378. Huh?

379. Have you lost your monkey-ass mind?

380. Dinner?

381. Do I look like Florence fromThe Jeffersons?

382. Get over here and pick this crap up

383. before I smack the shine off your head.

384. Today marks the end of the strike by local truckers,

385. which began after one of the drivers

386. was injured in an explosion

387. caused by what the drivers termed

388. "lack of adequate signage."

389. An agreement was signed last night,

390. and truckers will be back... Yes!

391. on the road tomorrow.

392. Good morning.

393. Good morning, Daddy.

394. Ma, these pancakes are good.

395. Yeah, Dad, how come you can't make pancakes like this?

396. I don't know.

397. I just don't have that touch like your mother.

398. Chris, who was that little boy you were hanging with yesterday?

399. Who, Fat Mike?

400. Fool, now you know you are not supposed

401. to be calling somebody fat.

402. That's his name.

403. What kind of name is Fat Mike?

404. That's just what they call him.

405. Well, you just be careful out there.

406. And don't let that boy ride your bike.

407. That's how your last one got stolen.

408. As much as my mother complained

409. about housework, she hated to have somebody else do it.

410. And after my father got his job back,

411. she got to do one of the things she does best...

412. File your own damn papers.

413. I do not need this.

414. My husband has two jobs.

415. With my mother back at home

416. and my father back at work,

417. everything was back to normal again.

418. Yo, little man, let me hold a dollar.

419. I know Fat Mike. Who?

420. Fat Mike. You know me.

421. I'm the little dude from across the street.

422. What's that supposed to mean?

423. We don't live around here.

424. Help me!

425. Hey, man... get back here!