Everybody Hates Chris 1x15

Directed by

Antonio Fargas as Doc Harris • Travis T. Flory as Joey Caruso

Chris receives a challenge to his crown of Asteroids champion. Julius and Rochelle agree to give up some guilty pleasures.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. In Bed-Stuy, a lot of people

2. have reputations for different things.

3. Diedre Garfield was 23 and had a reputation

4. for being the youngest grandmother in Brooklyn.

5. All right, I got everything under control!

6. Mr. Jackson had a reputation for being crazy as hell.

7. And a lot of people say he invented homelessness.

8. Move the car! You want to fight?

9. I had a reputation too.

10. Not only for being a nerd or getting beat up every day,

11. I was also known for being

12. the best Asteroids player in Bed-Stuy.

13. I'd beat people from all over:

14. Chinatown...

15. Rikers...

16. the Village...

17. Even though I was a nerd,

18. it felt really good

19. that there was one thing that nobody could beat me at.

20. Chris, somebody beat your score last night.

21. Hey, even Mike Tyson got knocked out.

22. Ain't this about a—

23. My mother had paying bills down to a science,

24. but there were always things she didn't count on.

25. Oh, damn it!

26. Hey, honey.

27. Hey, baby. What's wrong?

28. Well, I used this month's phone bill

29. to pay half of last month's electric bill,

30. and now I don't have enough for the gas bill.

31. Well, why don't you just use the electric bill money

32. to pay the electric bill?

33. Well, Tonya had to get a filling.

34. She had a cavity. She did?

35. My father never knew when there was anything wrong

36. with the kids unless we were unconscious or in the hospital.

37. Oh... Oh, no, no, no.

38. We're gonna have to cut back.

39. Cut back on what?

40. I mean, we're barely getting by as it is.

41. That look only meant one thing.

42. Oh, no. Uh-uh. Uh-uh, not my turtles.

43. You are not taking away my turtles.

44. My mother loved chocolate turtles

45. more than anything else in the world.

46. Whenever she ate one,

47. it was like all of life's problems just went away.

48. It's a good thing she chose those turtles

49. instead of guns.

50. Those chocolate turtles are costing us $12 a box.

51. Oh. You gotta take away my turtles.

52. You know I need my turtles.

53. Why don't you cut off your lottery playing?

54. Pssh. I'm not cutting out my numbers.

55. Oh!

56. If you don't play, how can you expect to win?

57. Look, it says so right here.

58. Oh, no, no, no.

59. No that damn dream book.

60. My dad was the most level-headed person I knew,

61. except when it came to playing the lottery,

62. and he always consulted his lucky star dream book.

63. A dream book takes any possible dream you can have

64. and transforms it into a lucky number.

65. You dreamt about a monkey on the train

66. in the middle of a blizzard.

67. Here it is: 8-1-4.

68. I dreamt Dr. J was roller-skating

69. with two white women in Sweden.

70. Here it is: 6-2-1.

71. White ladies?

72. Rochelle, if I win the lottery,

73. you can buy all the chocolate turtles you want.

74. But you eating chocolate turtles ain't helping nobody.

75. Well, if you play the lottery,

76. I'm eating my turtles.

77. Fine... I'll quit the lottery.

78. Okay, then.

79. Can you believe this is a real argument?

80. At school, even Greg was getting a reputation.

81. And for Best Attendance... Greg Wuliger!

82. Yes!

83. Getting an award for attendance

84. is kind of like getting an award for breathing.

85. Wait, your dad is giving you $5 just for coming to school?

86. I bet him I wouldn't miss a day this year. So far, so good.

87. My mother told me I'd better not miss a day of school

88. or else she'd take $5 off my ass.

89. This is so cool. The only award

90. I could've gotten at Corleone would've been...

91. For Taking the Best Ass Whupping... Chris.

92. Yes! Yes! Yes, yes, yes!

93. But instead of an award, I had Asteroids.

94. Hey, I got the top five scores on Asteroids yesterday.

95. Get out of here. No way.

96. Yeah, but some kid beat me.

97. I have to protect my title.

98. Man, you're just like Apollo Creed inRocky II.

99. You sure you can beat this guy?

100. Hey, I've got a reputation to maintain.

101. Hey, Tonya, ask Daddy for some money

102. so we can get some candy tomorrow.

103. How come you can't ask?

104. Because if I ask, he'll give me a speech.

105. If you ask, he'll give you the money.

106. If Daddy gives me the money,

107. you have to share some of that candy with me.

108. Okay. All right.

109. Six...

110. Daddy.

111. Huh? What?

112. Can I have a dollar?

113. What do you need a dollar for?

114. I want to get Drew some, um... some candy.

115. Oh... that's nice.

116. My father was crazy about Tonya.

117. She was the only one in the house who would dare

118. take sleep and money from him at the same time.

119. Thanks, Daddy.

120. In Bed-Stuy, we never had a real video arcade to go to.

121. All we had was Doc's.

122. At Doc's, you can get almost anything.

123. You could cash a check.

124. That'll be $5.

125. You could get an alibi.

126. Nah, it wasn't him. He was here.

127. That'll be $5.

128. You could even get your teeth pulled.

129. Ah... Open.

130. Ah!

131. Your mama know you're down here? Yes, sir.

132. My mother didn't like me hanging out at Doc's

133. 'cause she thought that would eventually lead to this...

134. I'm a junkie.

135. A crackhead.

136. Look, just tell my ma her oldest son is a crackhead.

137. Hey! Little dude from across the street.

138. Usually Jerome would rob me,

139. but not when I was about to play Asteroids.

140. You getting ready to play Asteroids?

141. Yeah. Some kid beat my score.

142. For real? Oh, no! I know you're not

143. gonna take that, man.

144. You'd better protect your rep.

145. If I didn't get my high score back,

146. somebody was gonna get hit with a brick.

147. Come on, come on. Do it. Do it.

148. You're Chris.

149. Hey, he's big.

150. So you're Doah.

151. What?

152. Doah.

153. That's DOA.

154. It means dead on arrival.

155. My name is Jorge.

156. So what, you want to play?

157. Come on.

158. I know it looks strange, but before people

159. got Play Stations in their backseats,

160. you actually had to go someplace to play video games.

161. Come on.

162. All right, man, that was a good game.

163. Hey, hold up. Where are you going?

164. I gotta get home.

165. What, you're not gonna give him a rematch?

166. Yeah, you can't just beat the man and walk out.

167. Hey, I really gotta go.

168. Besides, I'll just beat him again.

169. Ooh...

170. Want to put some money on that?

171. If you have a good reputation,

172. you have to be willing to do anything to protect it.

173. I can't play for money.

174. Aw...

175. Don't tell me you're scared. I'm not.

176. I just gotta go home.

177. Man, I can't believe you're scared of this dude.

178. Come on, go, get, come on.

179. Anybody got five bucks?

180. Hey, I need a favor.

181. I need to borrow your five dollars.

182. What? What do you need it for?

183. I beat this kid playing Asteroids,

184. and now he wants to play for money.

185. Can't you just save up your lunch money?

186. Or take your neighbor's garbage out?

187. Or help small ladies carry groceries to their car?

188. Or turn in some Coke bottles or something?

189. Note to self: when begging, be persistent.

190. Hey, I don't have time for this.

191. You got to do this, or my reputation's gonna be ruined.

192. I wonder if that's how O.J. got A.C. to drive that Bronco.

193. Thanks.

194. After a day with no turtles,

195. my mother was going through serious sugar withdrawal.

196. Ooh! Ooh!

197. She'd eat any sugar she could find.

198. From anywhere she could find it.

199. All I can tell you is that

200. crack ain't got nothin' on chocolate turtles.

201. Here.

202. Drew was getting his fix too.

203. I know you're giving me more than that.

204. You're not supposed to be eating candy, anyway.

205. You just got a filling.

206. I'm telling Mama!

207. Some people had wine, my mom had Aunt Jemima.

208. Oh, see... Mama!

209. Drew got some candy, and this is all he gave me, three p— Ma!

210. Candy? Did you say candy?

211. Yeah?

212. Drew, get in here!

213. You got candy? Ma!

214. Don't "Ma" me. Don't "Ma" me right now, boy.

215. Do you have anything in here that...

216. that tastes like turtles?

217. No. Something that has

218. chocolate, peanuts, caramel, something like that?

219. I don't know.

220. Where in the world did you get money for candy?

221. Daddy.

222. Ooh!

223. Now, that's what I'm talking about.

224. What he's actually talking about is

225. which one of us he's gonna rob

226. after we get through with the game.

227. Ha! Oh, whoa! Wh-Wh-What's wrong with you!

228. Turtles!

229. I ain't got my turtles!

230. I'm over here drinking syrup

231. while you're still buying lottery tickets.

232. What's wrong with me?

233. What's wrong with you?

234. Baby, I did it for you.

235. Julius, we both had an agreement.

236. And you have to honor that agreement.

237. Do you know what kind of message we are sending to our children?

238. Message? You're telling our kids,

239. "Oh, go ahead, little children, ignore your mother,

240. 'cause she's a lunatic!"

241. I didn't say that! Yes, you did!

242. What I meant was, it's just... It's...

243. It's just a couple of dollars.

244. Are we cutting back?

245. Or am I... cutting back?

246. 'Cause I can't do it by myself.

247. Ah, baby, no, baby. I feel alone.

248. No, no, we-we're cutting back, we're cutting back, okay?

249. I'm sorry. We can do this!

250. We can do this.

251. I get the shakes at night, Julius, I get the shakes!

252. It's all right, we can do this.

253. Okay.

254. Okay.

255. Fine.

256. Yeah, baby! Oh, yeah, baby!

257. Watch out, let me through.

258. Good game. You almost had him.

259. You got a lot of heart, little dude.

260. I wonder if I could sell my heart for five dollars.

261. You lost? How can you lose?

262. Hey, I'll pay you back. I'll... carry some groceries

263. or return some soda bottles or something.

264. That crap'll take forever!

265. Well, why'd you tell me to do it?

266. Because I didn't want to give you my money?

267. I'm as surprised as you are.

268. No. I'd say you're about 5 bucks less surprised than I am.

269. He's starting to sound like my father.

270. Hey. I'm gonna pay you back.

271. It'll take a couple of weeks, but I will.

272. You got to play him again.

273. No. I don't think so.

274. What about your rep?

275. I've got a new one:

276. sucker.

277. Come on.

278. I missed being the Asteroids champ of Bed-Stuy.

279. Without that, I was just another bum

280. from the neighborhood.

281. My father wouldn't usually admit

282. he was wrong about things, at least not in front of the kids.

283. I have something to say.

284. I thought he was about to tell us he was leaving us

285. for a white family across town.

286. I'm sorry.

287. What'd you do?

288. After your mother gave up her chocolate turtles

289. so we could pay the bills... I played the lottery.

290. I shouldn't have done that.

291. I was wrong.

292. Is that why she ate up all our candy?

293. I should've never given you money for candy.

294. Dad, um, it's not all her fault.

295. I asked her to do it.

296. But only because I knew you'd give it to her.

297. How'd you know that?

298. Because you give her everything she wants.

299. That's not true.

300. One time I asked if I could set Chris on fire,

301. and he didn't let me do that.

302. Well, thank goodness for that.

303. I have a confession too.

304. I've been hanging out at that corner store.

305. Chris...

306. But I was only playing Asteroids.

307. Oh. Well, that ain't so bad.

308. And I lost five dollars.

309. What? Five dollars?

310. Ooh! I'm telling!

311. Now, who are you gonna tell? We're all sitting right here.

312. How did you lose $5, boy?

313. Where did you get $5?

314. I bet a guy playing Asteroids, and...

315. and I got the $5 from Greg.

316. What are you doing betting on video games?

317. I was trying to protect my reputation.

318. You have a reputation?

319. Yeah. I am the best player on the block.

320. Cool. Then how come you didn't win?

321. Because you need to be quiet, that's why.

322. Don't tell me to be—!

323. Hey, hey, that's enough. It's your problem.

324. You borrowed it, you pay it back.

325. I am.

326. I better not hear no more about you betting money.

327. Yes, ma'am. All right.

328. Mama, can we have our candy—?

329. No!

330. I ate it.

331. I don't need y'all getting

332. any more cavities than what y'all got.

333. No cavities in this house.

334. But at this rate, there'll be plenty of diabetes.

335. Needs more sugar.

336. You all right?

337. Yeah, I'm just tired.

338. I had this weird dream last night

339. and couldn't fall back to sleep.

340. Dream, huh?

341. Yeah, it was bizarre.

342. I was walking down the street,

343. waving hello to everybody,

344. but nobody was waving back.

345. It was as if they couldn't see me.

346. So you were invisible? Yeah.

347. Mama had turtles, Daddy had the lottery.

348. Oh, that's right...

349. It's a wonder nobody sold the TV.

350. Come here. I need you to go to the corner store after school

351. and buy a lottery ticket for me. Six-three-seven.

352. Yeah, but you said you weren't—

353. I know what I said! Huh?

354. I've just got a feeling about this.

355. Just shut up and do what I tell you.

356. Now, keep this between me and you, all right?

357. Six-three-seven, all right?

358. And keep the ticket on you. Go! Go, go, go!

359. He hadn't been that excited about a dream

360. since Martin Luther King's.

361. What do you need today?

362. My father played the lottery a thousand times

363. and lost a thousand times.

364. I had only lost my rep once,

365. and I wasn't about to let that happen again.

366. Give me four quarters.

367. Now you're talking.

368. Want to play me for some more money?

369. I don't have any money.

370. I just want to prove I can beat you.

371. No...

372. Aha! Ha-ha!

373. Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

374. What now, sucka? Ha!

375. Good game, man. You should've bet me, though.

376. If I had bet him, I couldn't help but think

377. that this would've happened...

378. Looks, good, huh? I'm hungry.

379. Who are you? I'm Jorge.

380. I won your family from Chris playing Asteroids.

381. I told Chris to stay out of that store.

382. Can you cook mofongo?

383. What? What'd you call her?

384. Come tu comida.

385. I was raised around Puerto Ricans.

386. There's something about defending your reputation

387. that makes you feel like you accomplished something.

388. And even though I didn't get Greg's money back,

389. I had my rep.

390. Even though my father never won the lottery,

391. it always made him feel like

392. there was one thing in the world

393. he had a shot at winning.

394. And to him, that dollar was worth it.

395. And tonight's winning numbers are...

396. 6... 3... 7.

397. I won! I won!

398. I won!

399. What happened? My number hit!

400. Chris, show your mama the ticket.

401. Show your mama the ticket, man!

402. Show your mama the ticket.

403. Mama! ♪ Everybody hates Chris