1. 1983 was my first
Valentine's Day as a teenager.Copy !req
2. I never really cared
about Valentine's Day before,Copy !req
3. but now I couldn't ignore it.Copy !req
4. Valentine's Day makes
most peopleCopy !req
5. think of flowers and candy,Copy !req
6. but it reminded me of the
gangland massacre in Chicago.Copy !req
7. Happy Valentine's Day.Copy !req
8. Yesterday,
those roses cost $10.Copy !req
9. Today, they're $110.Copy !req
10. Even when you're broke,
you have to find a wayCopy !req
11. to tell your woman
you love her.Copy !req
12. Hey!Copy !req
13. You picked the wrong wall today!Copy !req
14. Even if it means getting
the crap beat out of you.Copy !req
15. On Valentine's Day,
love was in the air.Copy !req
16. You should have seen what
they did after they shot him.Copy !req
17. Hey.
Hi. Happy Valentine's Day.Copy !req
18. Even at school, Valentine's Day
was a big deal, and it seemedCopy !req
19. like everybody was getting
something except me.Copy !req
20. Still a few days to go.
We could still get a card.Copy !req
21. That look means,
"If we weren't friends,Copy !req
22. I'd smack the hope out of you."Copy !req
23. Hey, I got one. I got
a Valentine's Day card.Copy !req
24. Cool.Copy !req
25. Hey, if I got a card,
I know you will.Copy !req
26. What's it say?Copy !req
27. Roses are red, violets are blue,Copy !req
28. you stink like a monkey
and look like one too.Copy !req
29. Happy Valentine's Day.
Loser!Copy !req
30. So much for love in the air.Copy !req
31. I didn't have any luck
with girls when I was 13.Copy !req
32. Mostly, I just had
a bunch of crushes.Copy !req
33. They call it a crush
because chances areCopy !req
34. if you open your mouth,
you're gonna get crushed.Copy !req
35. They could have called it,
"She don't like you, stupid,"Copy !req
36. but "crush" is just quicker.Copy !req
37. That's Tangee Brown.Copy !req
38. Hi.Copy !req
39. All she ever
said to me was "hi."Copy !req
40. That's all I needed. After
that, she became my bus crush.Copy !req
41. I call it a bus crushCopy !req
42. because this one
happened on a bus.Copy !req
43. One time
I had an elevator crush.Copy !req
44. I almost lost my head
trying to follow her around.Copy !req
45. There was my window crush.Copy !req
46. The laws about that were a lot
more relaxed at the time.Copy !req
47. There was only
one problem with my bus crush:Copy !req
48. she had a boyfriend.Copy !req
49. Why I gotta be stupid?
Youlost your hat.Copy !req
50. I was trying to keep you
from getting on the wrong bus.Copy !req
51. Oh, so I'm dumb now?
Yeah, Tangee.Copy !req
52. And you're getting on my nerves.Copy !req
53. Clyde, you still got my books.
Here.Copy !req
54. You need to read them. Maybe
they'll teach you how to act.Copy !req
55. This must be
how the drummer feltCopy !req
56. watching Ike and Tina fight.Copy !req
57. Thank you.
You want to sit down?Copy !req
58. No, that's okay.Copy !req
59. Oh, no, it's all right.
I like to stand.Copy !req
60. Thanks.Copy !req
61. At that moment,Copy !req
62. somebody could have sold me
a lifetime bus pass.Copy !req
63. I love you.Copy !req
64. My mother loved
Valentine's Day,Copy !req
65. and why not?
I learned early on,Copy !req
66. Valentine's Day
is not a day for couples,Copy !req
67. it's a day for women.Copy !req
68. If a woman shows up at a man's
door empty-handed, big deal.Copy !req
69. But if a man shows up
empty-handed,Copy !req
70. he may as well
not have shown up at all.Copy !req
71. Die, you pig!
Aah!Copy !req
72. He won't forget next year.Copy !req
73. Hello?
Can I talk to Drew?Copy !req
74. Drew can't come
to the phone right now.Copy !req
75. We're having dinner.
I'm his valentine.Copy !req
76. His who?
His valentine.Copy !req
77. His only valentine.
Okay, bye.Copy !req
78. Drew, you need
to tell these fast little girlsCopy !req
79. to stop calling
all hours of the day and night.Copy !req
80. I told them already.
Tell them again.Copy !req
81. They're all calling, "Well,
tell him his valentine called."Copy !req
82. I don't have time for that.Copy !req
83. Relax. Boy can't help it
if he's popular.Copy !req
84. Chris, how many valentine cards
did you get so far?Copy !req
85. None.
How come girls don't like you?Copy !req
86. None of your business,
that's why.Copy !req
87. Don't get mad at me.
Hey, hey, hey.Copy !req
88. Mama, can you help me make
a Valentine's Day card?Copy !req
89. A homemade card.Copy !req
90. That's my little girl,
saving that money.Copy !req
91. Sure, baby. Who's it for?
My boyfriend.Copy !req
92. Your what friend?
Well, the girl can't help itCopy !req
93. if she's popular.Copy !req
94. Where'd you get a boyfriend?
At school.Copy !req
95. Ma, do you have a place
where I can put all my cards?Copy !req
96. How many you giving out, boy?Copy !req
97. Well, I'm not really
giving them out.Copy !req
98. Girls just keep
giving them to me.Copy !req
99. My man.Copy !req
100. Are girls supposed to give boys
Valentine's Day cards?Copy !req
101. They're giving them to him.Copy !req
102. What's that
got to do to with me?Copy !req
103. How long
have you had a boyfriend?Copy !req
104. Just for a week.Copy !req
105. Rochelle?
Julius.Copy !req
106. I wish somebody would give me
a Valentine's Day card that saysCopy !req
107. something besides "I hate you."Copy !req
108. Well, if you want,
you can have one of mine.Copy !req
109. And I thought getting
his hand-me-downs was bad.Copy !req
110. Mm, no, thank you.Copy !req
111. Who gave you a card
that said "I hate you"?Copy !req
112. Oh, I don't know.Copy !req
113. It's just a stupid joke.Copy !req
114. Even though
I didn't like Caruso,Copy !req
115. I didn't think he deserved
to be cursed out by my mother.Copy !req
116. Even though
my father wasn't romantic,Copy !req
117. he wasn't stupid, either.Copy !req
118. He had a box full of
greeting cards in the house.Copy !req
119. He could give my mother
a card for any occasion.Copy !req
120. Happy Anniversary.Copy !req
121. Aw, you shouldn't have.Copy !req
122. Happy Flag Day.Copy !req
123. Oh, you shouldn't have.Copy !req
124. Happy Chanukah.Copy !req
125. Oh, you shouldn't have.Copy !req
126. He used to keep
candy under the bed too,Copy !req
127. but the mice kept eating it.Copy !req
128. Hey, babe.
Hey, baby.Copy !req
129. This is for you.Copy !req
130. Baby, it's not even
Valentine's Day yet.Copy !req
131. I know, but every day
is special with you.Copy !req
132. Oh, Julius, you didn't have to.Copy !req
133. But since you did...Copy !req
134. You see all this right here?
You see that?Copy !req
135. That's why Tonya don't need
to be running aroundCopy !req
136. talking about
she got a boyfriend.Copy !req
137. Julius, she's 10 years old.Copy !req
138. He's just a boy in her class.
It's no big deal.Copy !req
139. Rochelle, do you watch the news?Copy !req
140. Girls are having babies at 10.Copy !req
141. And grandbabies at 20.Copy !req
142. Drew is the one
you need to be worried about.Copy !req
143. What for?
So a few girls like him.Copy !req
144. There's nothing wrong with that.
He's 11.Copy !req
145. He's only
one year older than Tonya.Copy !req
146. Pssht.
What is the difference?Copy !req
147. She is a girl.Copy !req
148. Baby, you cannot protect
Tonya from everything.Copy !req
149. You wanna bet? Watch me.Copy !req
150. I'll protect her
from everything. Everything.Copy !req
151. It was clear that my father
already had a plan.Copy !req
152. Daddy, this is Ronald.
My fiancé.Copy !req
153. Nice to meet you, sir.Copy !req
154. Mama! Daddy shot
my fiancé again.Copy !req
155. Hey, say what you want, but
that's effective birth control.Copy !req
156. Hey, why do girls like guys
that are mean to them?Copy !req
157. Nice guys finish last.Copy !req
158. Maybe the mean guys beat
the crap out of the nice guysCopy !req
159. so when the girls show up,
no one else is around.Copy !req
160. Did you say anything
to her?Copy !req
161. I picked up her books
and I offered her a seat.Copy !req
162. Oh, man, this is major.Copy !req
163. What's her name?
Tangee.Copy !req
164. Greg, this is for you.Copy !req
165. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
166. Please don't open it
until I leave.Copy !req
167. Promise?
Okay.Copy !req
168. Valentine's Day card?Copy !req
169. It says "Be mine."Copy !req
170. Okay.Copy !req
171. Yeah.Copy !req
172. Man, "Be my valentine,"
that's so cool.Copy !req
173. Hey, look, you got one too.Copy !req
174. "Roses are red,
violets are blue...Copy !req
175. cupid hates your guts,
and I do too."Copy !req
176. Well, at least this time
he wrote a poem.Copy !req
177. I never knew when
I'd see Tangee on the bus,Copy !req
178. so I was always excited
when I saw her get on.Copy !req
179. Let me go!
No.Copy !req
180. Unfortunately, she was
always excited too.Copy !req
181. Not "happy" excited, more
like "hold me back" excited.Copy !req
182. Look what you did to my jacket.
It's all stretched out.Copy !req
183. If you got on like I said,
it wouldn't have happened.Copy !req
184. You ain't my daddy.
I don't have to do what you say.Copy !req
185. Push me again
and see what happens.Copy !req
186. Hey. Leave her alone.Copy !req
187. What?
You heard him.Copy !req
188. What you gonna do now?Copy !req
189. Hey, I don't need any help
getting my ass whupped.Copy !req
190. That's the one thing
I'm good at.Copy !req
191. Mind your business.
I couldn't back down now.Copy !req
192. I was scared if I moved
I might pee myself.Copy !req
193. No.Copy !req
194. Get the hell off my bus, boy.Copy !req
195. Okay.
Not you. You.Copy !req
196. Come on, let's go.
Why I got to get off?Copy !req
197. He started it.
Quit lying.Copy !req
198. He ain't start nothing.Copy !req
199. Why don't you quit lying?
I said, get off.Copy !req
200. Now move.Copy !req
201. You want to sit down?Copy !req
202. Sure.Copy !req
203. Why'd you do that?
I don't know.Copy !req
204. I wasn't thinking, I guess.Copy !req
205. My father said you're not
supposed to hit a girl.Copy !req
206. You know your father?
Yeah.Copy !req
207. Nobody's ever looked out for me
like that before.Copy !req
208. What's your name?
Chris.Copy !req
209. I'm Tangee.Copy !req
210. Here.Copy !req
211. A Valentine's Day card?Copy !req
212. Yeah. I was gonna give it
to Clyde, but he makes me sick.Copy !req
213. Thanks.
This was great,Copy !req
214. my first Valentine's.Copy !req
215. So what if it was meant
for a future wife beater?Copy !req
216. He ain't beat me.Copy !req
217. Hi. Is Drew home?Copy !req
218. Do you realize
it's 8:30 at night?Copy !req
219. Drew is in bed.Copy !req
220. He is 11.Copy !req
221. E-L-E-V-E-N, 11.Copy !req
222. I—
Go home.Copy !req
223. If I see you
around my child again,Copy !req
224. I'm calling the cops. Got that?
Yeah, I—Copy !req
225. Okay, I know all of that.
I know, girl, I know.Copy !req
226. Beat it.Copy !req
227. Ooh, these are my favorites.Copy !req
228. Mm! Mm-mm-mm.Copy !req
229. All right, bye, Dad.
See you later, son.Copy !req
230. Daddy, you haven't walked us
to school in a long time.Copy !req
231. I know. It's been a while.Copy !req
232. Aren't you supposed
to be sleeping?Copy !req
233. Yeah. I can get my rest later.Copy !req
234. Mama said you don't like
walking us to school.Copy !req
235. That's not true.Copy !req
236. You want a dollar?
Yeah.Copy !req
237. All right. There you go.Copy !req
238. Hey, since I'm here,Copy !req
239. why don't you show me which one
of these kids is your boyfriend?Copy !req
240. Oh, um... there he is.Copy !req
241. James!Copy !req
242. So that's him, huh?
Yeah.Copy !req
243. All right.Copy !req
244. Bye, Daddy.
All right, bye, baby.Copy !req
245. Can I talk to you for a minute?Copy !req
246. Who, me?
Yeah, you.Copy !req
247. Get over here.
What's your name?Copy !req
248. My name is "Don't worry
about what my name is."Copy !req
249. What, you think you're some
kind of ladies' man?Copy !req
250. I don't know any ladies.
They're not even ladies to you?Copy !req
251. No. Uh, I don't know...Copy !req
252. Who are you?
Don't worry about who I am.Copy !req
253. Worry about
who you're giving them cards to.Copy !req
254. I want my mama.
Oh, so you a mama's boy?Copy !req
255. Yes.
Well, listen up, mama's boy.Copy !req
256. You stay away from
my daughter, you hear me?Copy !req
257. Huh?Copy !req
258. Hey, man, stop that.Copy !req
259. Hey, stop that.Copy !req
260. Hey, stay away from that boy!Copy !req
261. Get out of here!
I was just talking to him.Copy !req
262. Hey, you, I'm talking to you!Copy !req
263. While my father was getting rid
of Tonya's valentine,Copy !req
264. I wish he'd been around
to get rid of mine.Copy !req
265. "Roses are red,
violets are blue...Copy !req
266. Please go back to Africa
and take your mother with you.Copy !req
267. Happy Valentine's Day."
Moron.Copy !req
268. Another card like this,
and I might just go to Africa.Copy !req
269. What's wrong with you?Copy !req
270. I'm trying not to bump
into Joy again.Copy !req
271. The school's only but so big.Copy !req
272. You're bound to run
into her sometimes.Copy !req
273. I just don't know
what my next move is.Copy !req
274. Well, did you get her a card?
No.Copy !req
275. Then that's your next move.Copy !req
276. You can come with me.
I was gonna go get one anyway.Copy !req
277. For who?Copy !req
278. The girl on the bus.
She gave me one yesterday.Copy !req
279. And you didn't tell me?Copy !req
280. I go to bed early,
but you can callCopy !req
281. and wake me up when something
this important happens.Copy !req
282. Well, I wanted
to tell you in person.Copy !req
283. I broke up a fight between
her and her boyfriend.Copy !req
284. You broke up a fight?
Yeah, and she gave me this card.Copy !req
285. Dude, this is huge.Copy !req
286. Is it? I-I don't know.Copy !req
287. It... It's just a card.Copy !req
288. A card is,
"I'm yours for the taking."Copy !req
289. How in there do you have to be
before you get it?Copy !req
290. Why is it
that when it comes to me,Copy !req
291. you know so much about girls,Copy !req
292. but you freak out
when one gives you a card?Copy !req
293. I guess it's kind of like not
being able to cut your own hair.Copy !req
294. Before you ever
buy a girl a gift,Copy !req
295. the first thing you've got to
do is buy her the perfect card.Copy !req
296. Nah, that's too much.Copy !req
297. You haven't even
kissed her yet. Have you?Copy !req
298. Um... how about this one?Copy !req
299. "You know the deal.Copy !req
300. I want you to be my valentine."Copy !req
301. That's cool, but it's more
for a friend than a girl.Copy !req
302. Whoa, cool.Copy !req
303. "Relatively speaking,
would you be my valentine?"Copy !req
304. This is perfect.
For Tangee? No, thanks.Copy !req
305. No, for Joy.Copy !req
306. Greg never fought being a nerd.Copy !req
307. I always wondered
how that worked out for him.Copy !req
308. Come on, honey!Copy !req
309. Greg, when did you get
this car?Copy !req
310. Well, the Bentley's
in the shop.Copy !req
311. I kind of like this one.Copy !req
312. Dude, this card is $2.50.Copy !req
313. Hey, you've gotta pay
to play, right?Copy !req
314. Quick, give me my card.Copy !req
315. Here.Copy !req
316. Here. This is for you.Copy !req
317. Thank you.
No, no, no, no.Copy !req
318. Read it when you get home.
Okay.Copy !req
319. Man, that was close.Copy !req
320. What's this?Copy !req
321. Oh, ha, ha, very funny.Copy !req
322. Chris!Copy !req
323. How could you?Copy !req
324. When I found out how Caruso
had been teasing you,Copy !req
325. I thought you'd appreciate
a real valentine from someone.Copy !req
326. Obviously, I was wrong.
Nowadays, you wishCopy !req
327. all the teacher
gave your kids were cards.Copy !req
328. I didn't know it was yours.Copy !req
329. While I couldn't have been
less popular, back at home,Copy !req
330. Drew couldn't have been
more popular.Copy !req
331. Hello?
Is my valentine home yet?Copy !req
332. No, Drew is
still outside playing.Copy !req
333. Stop calling here!Copy !req
334. What's wrong, what's wrong?Copy !req
335. All these girls calling.Copy !req
336. It's getting on my nerves.Copy !req
337. I already have
enough to deal with.Copy !req
338. Can you believe some maniac
threatened the kids?Copy !req
339. I've gotta go pick them up
from school today.Copy !req
340. Well, at least Drew's there
to protect Tonya.Copy !req
341. Now, what are we gonna do
about Drew and these girls?Copy !req
342. Huh? What?Copy !req
343. Julius, every five minutes,Copy !req
344. some girl is calling
or knocking at the door.Copy !req
345. Drew is way too young
to get this much attention.Copy !req
346. Rochelle, it's nothing, okay?Copy !req
347. Drew's only 11 years old.Copy !req
348. He don't care
about those girls.Copy !req
349. Boys are becoming fathers
even at age 12.Copy !req
350. And great-grandfathers at 43.Copy !req
351. Baby, relax.Copy !req
352. Don't worry about it.Copy !req
353. You don't worry about it,Copy !req
354. 'cause I ain't about to let
nobody call me Grandmama.Copy !req
355. With my mother on the job,Copy !req
356. I didn't get a girl
till I was 33.Copy !req
357. Meanwhile, Drew had more girls
than an Usher after-party.Copy !req
358. Happy Valentine's Day, Drew.Copy !req
359. Oh, thank you, Miss Johnson.
Uh-huh.Copy !req
360. As bad as my Valentine's Day
had been going, I knewCopy !req
361. I could count on my bus crush
to make it all right.Copy !req
362. Hey, Chris, I saved you a seat.Copy !req
363. Thanks.Copy !req
364. Can I ask you something?
What?Copy !req
365. How come you go with a guy
that you always fight with?Copy !req
366. I'm not going with him anymore.
He's stupid.Copy !req
367. That's all I needed to hear.Copy !req
368. Hey, I got you something.Copy !req
369. Really? That's so sweet.Copy !req
370. What else?Copy !req
371. What else, what?Copy !req
372. Where's the gift?
I only got you a card.Copy !req
373. That's it?
It's Valentine's Day,Copy !req
374. and all you got me was
this cheap-ass card?Copy !req
375. I-I just met you.
So?Copy !req
376. Where's the flowers?
Where's the candy?Copy !req
377. I thought I meant
something to you.Copy !req
378. I thought we had a connection.Copy !req
379. You know, I could have stayed
with Clyde's sorry assCopy !req
380. if this is how you
were gonna treat me.Copy !req
381. Can you please quiet down?
You don't tell me to be quiet.Copy !req
382. Why don't you be quiet?
Better yet, shut up!Copy !req
383. Gonna tell me to be quiet.
You ain't my daddy!Copy !req
384. Getting cursed out on a busCopy !req
385. is not really how I expected
to end my Valentine's Day,Copy !req
386. but it did prove my point.Copy !req
387. If you have a crush,
you get crushed.Copy !req
388. This is a piece of paper!
I don't need this!Copy !req
389. Where was the bus driver
with a bat when you needed him?Copy !req
390. I kissed your
little funky cheek,Copy !req
391. but I could have
stayed with Clyde.Copy !req
392. Here, take back your stupid
card. I do not need this.Copy !req
393. Drew, you gotta return
these cards to Miss Johnson.Copy !req
394. A 30-year-old married womanCopy !req
395. giving cards
to my 11-year-old son.Copy !req
396. What about the candy?Copy !req
397. I think sending
the cards back makes the point.Copy !req
398. Giving the card to Tangee
didn't work out,Copy !req
399. but I knew my mother
would appreciate one.Copy !req
400. Thank you, sweetie.Copy !req
401. You didn't have to give me
a card.Copy !req
402. I already know that you love me.Copy !req
403. Who the hell is Joy?Copy !req
404. Joy, are you dating a black guy?Copy !req
405. She did, five years later.Copy !req