Everybody Hates Chris 1x10

Directed by Jerry Levine

Gary Basaraba as Art Wuliger • Robin Leach as Himself • Tyrel Jackson Williams as Baby Chris • Tylen Jacob Williams as Baby Drew • Shon Little as Cop #1

Chris and Greg fall out when they break the rule of 'no computer games' after school at Greg's house. Back at the Rock home, Tonya is missing Chris as she can't blame everything on him.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. My sister, Tonya, was the baby of the family,

2. so she was used to doing whatever she felt like.

3. When you have more kids than parents,

4. one of the kids gets a kid.

5. I got Tonya.

6. Are you crazy?

7. I was trying to make hot chocolate!

8. That's not the way you do it.

9. Why don't you ask somebody for help

10. before you start messing things up?

11. And give me the matches.

12. Are you trying to blow the house up?

13. Chris, I smell...

14. No!

15. Goodness, boy, are you crazy?

16. Are you trying to blow the whole house up?

17. I tried to tell him.

18. Little sisters. You can't live with them,

19. and they can't accidentally turn up missing.

20. There you go. Daily News.

21. Here you go. Thanks.

22. Tonya was trying to light the stove, but you got blamed?

23. If that little girl coughs, I got to cover my mouth.

24. I think it's pretty cool having a brother and sister.

25. No, you're lucky you're an only child.

26. Yeah, I guess. Brooklyn is filled

27. with Blacks, Catholics, and Puerto Ricans.

28. Greg was probably the only only child there.

29. It gets lonely once in a while, you know.

30. I don't have to fight over the TV

31. if I want to watch a basketball game.

32. At least you get to watch a game.

33. Every time I turn on the TV,

34. my sister wants to watch theCare Bears.

35. Overrated show, by the way.

36. having a little brother and sister would be cool.

37. I mean, instead, I get toys.

38. I got an Atari.

39. Wait. You've got an Atari?

40. Atari was the PlayStation of 1982.

41. We got one in 1994.

42. We didn't get a game till 1997.

43. Yep. Just got it.

44. We didn't have any electronic games,

45. but we had singing into a fan.

46. Who wants to play Clean Up This Damn House?

47. Me! Me! I won

48. the Take the Garbage Out competition

49. four years in a row.

50. Hey, you want to come over to my house after school?

51. Naw, I think I should go home.

52. Oh, come on. Forget about it.

53. I only live a couple blocks away.

54. Okay.

55. Just one game won't hurt, right?

56. Hey, baby.

57. Hey, babe, how you doing?

58. Good.

59. You want something to eat?

60. Aren't you supposed to be at work?

61. Oh, I have a little time off.

62. What actually happened was...

63. Excuse me. Do you have these in a size eight?

64. Do you see me helping somebody else?

65. All that hollering at people.

66. I do not need this. My man has two jobs.

67. And you ain't no damn eight.

68. Get her an 11!

69. Sure you don't want something?

70. No, I grabbed some breakfast with the guys.

71. I'm pretty tired.

72. I'm just gonna grab a shower and get some sleep.

73. Julius.

74. Yeah?

75. Well, I was just thinking, uh,

76. since we have the house to ourselves

77. that maybe we can do some things that we don't usually get to do.

78. What do you have in mind?

79. Come on down!

80. You're the next contestant onThe Price Is Right!

81. My dad liked game shows.

82. Come on, sister, you can do it.

83. He always rooted for the black people.

84. If there were no black people on it,

85. then he'd root for anybody with a tan.

86. What's the next item up for bids, please?

87. A new dishwasher.

88. $430.

89. I want the first bid from Bennett.

90. $400. $400.

91. That's good. That's right. You right.

92. $625.

93. Ooh, you're a fool if you pay that much.

94. $580.

95. What is a man doing there 11:00 in the morning?

96. He got no job?

97. $430.

98. My father was like Rain Man

99. when it came to guessing how much something cost.

100. How did you know that? We don't even own a dishwasher.

101. That's 'cause it cost $430.

102. Greg's house was a lot different

103. than what I expected.

104. I used to think all white people were rich.

105. I thought his house would look more like this.

106. And the Wuligers parlayed their fortune into millions,

107. and this fabulous estate in Brooklyn.

108. I hate these plastic covers,

109. especially in the summer.

110. They get your legs all sweaty and make 'em stick.

111. My mom used to love plastic covers so much,

112. she'd put on a second set

113. to make sure the first set looked nice.

114. Hey, where's your mom?

115. I live with my dad. They split up.

116. My dad said they really didn't get along.

117. Actually, she ran off with Greg's uncle,

118. but that's another episode on a different show.

119. Yes! That's all right.

120. You better be happy I don't have one of these,

121. or else I'd be tearing you up.

122. I got to go.

123. Hey, you want to come back over to my house tomorrow?

124. Man, you lucky I'm leaving now.

125. I'll see you tomorrow.

126. When my mother was gossiping, nothing else mattered,

127. even my father sleeping.

128. So he takes you to dinner, uh-huh, and orders

129. a two-for-one special and then he said what?

130. Rochelle, Rochelle. Huh?

131. I got to go to work in a few hours, okay?

132. Oh, I'm sorry, baby. Okay.

133. All right. Stop!

134. Julius, you got to hear this.

135. You know that guy Marcus that works for UPS

136. with the stinky cologne? Mm-hmm.

137. He took Sheila to the movies,

138. bought this big ol' thing of popcorn, two hot dogs.

139. She asked him just for a little piece,

140. he told her no. Two of 'em.

141. Uh-huh. Sheila said hi, baby.

142. Hey, Sheila.

143. Girl, he trying to sleep.

144. Uh-huh, he better have big feet

145. being that cheap.

146. My dad hated losing sleep,

147. but he was happy when she talked to her girlfriends.

148. That way, he didn't have to do it.

149. Julius, you are not going to believe this.

150. But you know that girl Jody Watley

151. that used to be onSoul Train?

152. I heard that she's leaving the group Shalamar

153. and starting a new group with Ashford and Simpson.

154. Can you believe that? That's something.

155. Ain't it? Mm-hmm.

156. I stopped listening at Jody Watley.

157. Uh-huh. Right, uh-huh.

158. Julius, do you smell smoke?

159. No. We having smoke?

160. Oh, no, you're trying to sleep.

161. Chris!

162. Uh, Sheila, let me call you back.

163. Okay. Chris!

164. What in the world?

165. Move, girl!

166. Oh!

167. Tonya, what are you doing?

168. Chris did it.

169. Chris!

170. Chris isn't here.

171. Well, where is he?

172. I don't know.

173. Who put this pot on the stove? Wasn't me.

174. Because of those two words, Drew never got in trouble.

175. Who tore up my back seat?

176. Wasn't me.

177. Who left my nickel laying out here on the sidewalk?

178. Wasn't me.

179. Who spilt this oatmeal?

180. Wasn't me.

181. Would you believe those were his first words?

182. Tanya, what is this mess, girl?

183. I was trying to make hot chocolate.

184. I don't want you fooling around with this hot chocolate again,

185. do you hear me?

186. Now get upstairs before I make your behind hot!

187. I thought I'd see George Bush in a do-rag

188. before Tonya got in trouble.

189. And where were you? You're late.

190. My bus broke down.

191. Next time, you better get off and fix it.

192. Yes, ma'am.

193. All right, I admit it. I'm hooked.

194. Man, it felt so good

195. to see Tonya get in trouble yesterday.

196. What'd they do to her?

197. My mom knocked all her teeth out.

198. Really?

199. Nah, she just sent her upstairs to her room,

200. but I wish she would have smacked her teeth out.

201. Yes!

202. Oh, man, it's 4:30.

203. 4:30! You got to go!

204. I'm not supposed to have any company over.

205. If my dad finds out you're in here,

206. he's going to kill me.

207. No! You got to hide!

208. Hide? I can't hide. I got to go.

209. If I don't get home, my mom's going to kill me.

210. Chris, I'm serious. Please, you gotta hide.

211. Greg looked at me like his father was Ike Turner.

212. Go, go, go!

213. Get in there.

214. As soon as the coast is clear,

215. I'll sneak you out the back.

216. Who you talking to?

217. I'm talking to myself.

218. You lonely? I'll get you a gerbil.

219. Now get ready for dinner.

220. I gotta get out of here.

221. When's Chris coming home?

222. I don't know. Why?

223. I want to cut the hair off my doll's head,

224. but I don't want to do it till he gets here.

225. Without me in the house to blame,

226. Tonya actually had to act right.

227. Is Chris here yet?

228. Nope.

229. Dang!

230. Is Chris home yet?

231. No. Dang!

232. Is Chris here yet?

233. No. Dang!

234. I'll sure be glad when Chris gets back.

235. Chris?

236. Chris?

237. While I was hiding in the closet,

238. the only thing I could think about

239. was getting the hell out of there and getting home.

240. The biggest difference between being in a black neighborhood

241. and a white neighborhood is

242. the black guys'll beat you up and rob you.

243. The white guys'll just beat you up.

244. Even though I was scared, I figured

245. the best way to get through this

246. was to act like I belonged.

247. Get out of here.

248. Hey!

249. Yeah, what have we got here, huh?

250. What are you doing, huh?

251. Ah, forget about it, little watermelon.

252. Keep walking! You got to keep right.

253. Where do they come up with this stuff?

254. No fried chicken around here.

255. He's right!

256. Get on out of here. Watch your back.

257. Go back to your black neighborhood, kid.

258. Geez.

259. Gregory, you got dents all in my sofa.

260. Can you sit in one spot,

261. and can you drink out of one glass?

262. This is likeCSI: Brooklyn.

263. Gregory...

264. did you have somebody over here?

265. I told you, no company when I'm not here.

266. Dad, I had my friend Chris over after school.

267. We played video games and stuff.

268. The next time you want to have somebody in here

269. you ask first, you understand?

270. Dad...

271. He's still here.

272. Chris?

273. Chris is home!

274. Is Chris here yet?

275. No.

276. Hmm.

277. Who cut your doll's hair off?

278. Wasn't me.

279. Julius, wake up.

280. I know. Give me five more minutes.

281. Julius.

282. $1762.95.

283. Julius!

284. What?

285. Did you win? Chris isn't home yet.

286. Did you check his room?

287. I looked all over the house.

288. He's not here.

289. He should have been home a long time ago.

290. Do you think Chris is dead?

291. In my neighborhood, being 15 minutes late

292. could mean you're dead.

293. He's not dead.

294. He's just late.

295. Still not dead.

296. Hey.

297. Chris.

298. Art, do you know this kid?

299. Yeah, sure.

300. You know that guy?

301. Let's go.

302. Get in.

303. No! Help me!

304. Did he say he was doing something after school?

305. No. He was just supposed to pick up my dry cleaning.

306. Maybe it wasn't done yet.

307. I'll see if he's over there.

308. Chris!

309. Chris, oh, thank goodness.

310. Are you okay? Yeah, I'm okay.

311. Oh, I'm so happy you're all right.

312. I'm gonna kill you! Where you been, boy?

313. Who are you?

314. Wuliger. Art Wuliger.

315. I'm Greg's dad. Greg who?

316. I'm Greg. We go to school together.

317. Greg asked me to come over after school.

318. We were just hanging out.

319. Oh, "We were just hanging out."

320. I'm over here worried sick, and you were hanging out?

321. Have you lost your mind?

322. If you're gonna go over to somebody's house,

323. you got to let somebody know.

324. They don't have a phone at Greg's house?

325. I don't care where you are.

326. You be like E.T., you phone home!

327. I need to know where you are,

328. who you're with and what you're doing.

329. How do I know you're not selling drugs?

330. I mean, you could be kingpin

331. of a Columbian drug cartel for all I know.

332. I'm not out there selling drugs. How do I know that?

333. My mother had one goal in life

334. for her kids: don't sell drugs.

335. As long as they weren't doing that,

336. almost everything else was okay.

337. Ma'am, your son shot the mayor.

338. Did he sell drugs? No.

339. Get in here, boy.

340. Your son killed the governor, kidnapped his daughter,

341. robbed the president and ran a red light.

342. He ain't sell no drugs, did he? No, ma'am.

343. Boy, get in here.

344. Upstairs.

345. Right now.

346. Is Chris gonna get in trouble?

347. Is that your business?

348. Hey...

349. Thanks for bringing him home. Yeah.

350. Next time, keep a better eye on your kid.

351. Hey.

352. What you trying to say?

353. I'm just saying,

354. I'm on my own, I work, I got my own kid.

355. You think I got time to run around the neighborhood

356. looking for your kid? I said thank you.

357. What you want, a cookie?

358. He did sort of want a cookie.

359. Your boy's the one had him over there.

360. Oh, he didn't kidnap him.

361. Know what?

362. You don't have to worry about Chris from here on out.

363. That sounds like the best idea I've heard all night.

364. Come on, Greg.

365. Gregory.

366. Hey.

367. You get in a lot of trouble?

368. My dad grounded me.

369. Plus, he took away my Atari for a week.

370. How about you?

371. My mom said that if I ever did that again

372. she'd slap all the tartar off my teeth.

373. Plus, my dad says I can't come over anymore.

374. Lucky for you,

375. 'cause next time we played, I was gonna stomp you.

376. Man, you wish.

377. Well, see ya.

378. Yeah. See ya.

379. Hey.

380. Your dad said you couldn't come over to my house.

381. He didn't say I couldn't come over to yours.

382. Even though we were spending 12 cents' worth of electricity,

383. my father thought it was worth it.

384. Greg?

385. Hey, Dad.

386. What's this?

387. How you doing?

388. I went over to Chris's house.

389. His dad brought me home.

390. Look, I think we got off on the wrong foot.

391. I just didn't want that to get in the way of the boys.

392. You two are real buddies, huh?

393. Yeah. Yeah.

394. Anyway, I just wanted to make sure

395. Greg made it home okay.

396. Yeah. Thanks.

397. Hey, Dad, can Chris stay for a little while?

398. Yeah, sure.

399. Julius, you a beer-drinking man?

400. Is it cold?

401. Come on.

402. After that, things kind of went back to normal.

403. Mom started working again.

404. So she let Dad get some sleep.

405. Drew still didn't get blamed for anything,

406. and even thought Tonya got on my nerves,

407. I thought maybe it was time to do something nice for her.

408. Now that's how you make hot chocolate.

409. Thanks, Chris.

410. Uh-uh. What are you doing? Having hot chocolate.

411. I told her she couldn't have any hot chocolate.

412. That's what I tried to tell him.

413. Stay tuned for scenes from our next episode.