Everybody Hates Chris 1x1

Directed by Reginald Hudlin

John Capodice as Bus Driver • Travis T. Flory as Joey Caruso • Jude Ciccolella as Dr. Raymond • Judy Krause as Bus Passenger • Steve Paymer as Old Principal

Uprooted to a new neighborhood and bussed to a predominantly white middle school two-hours away by his strict, hard-working parents, Chris struggles to find his place while keeping his siblings in line at home and dealing with the school bully, Joey.

Request examples:

!req Everybody Hates Chris 1x1 [02:32]
!req Everybody Hates Chris 1x1 [Everybody Hates Chris 1x1]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req Everybody Hates Chris 1x1 [10-11]; !req Everybody Hates Chris 1x1 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. 1982.

2. That was the year I turned 13.

3. Before I was a comedian, I thought the coolest thing

4. that would happen to me was being a teenager.

5. I was going to have women, money, stay out late...

6. I thought it was going to be the bomb.

7. 'Sup?

8. He's here! Chris is here!

9. Yo, Chris!

10. Chris! Chris! Chris! Chris!

11. Chris! Chris! Chris! Chris!

12. Boy, was I wrong.

13. Chris!

14. Get in the bathroom and wipe the pee off the toilet seat!

15. Disgusting!

16. Come on, y'all, let's go. We got to move.

17. When I was 13, my mother convinced my father

18. to move us out of the projects.

19. She always said, "'Project'

20. "is just another word for 'experiment.'"

21. In a lab, the government gives rats cheese.

22. In the projects, the government gives people cheese.

23. Dad...

24. can we stop at McDonald's?

25. You got some McDonald's money?

26. Julius, the kids have to eat.

27. They ain't got to eat McDonald's.

28. We got some bologna in the back. I'll pull over.

29. My father Julius always kept bologna handy just in case.

30. We get one combo meal.

31. Drew gets the burger. Tanya gets the fries.

32. Chris, you can have the drink.

33. One time, I just got ice.

34. We moved to an apartment in Bed-Stuy Brooklyn.

35. Now, had we known that Bed-Stuy

36. would be the center of a crack epidemic,

37. I guess we would've picked someplace else.

38. Bed-Stuy even had its own motto:

39. "Bed-Stuy, do or die."

40. Look at that. Look at that, look at that.

41. Those are some of the guys that are going to die.

42. If I ever catch any of y'all

43. spray-painting on anybody's wall,

44. I'mma put my foot so far up your behind,

45. you'll have toes for teeth.

46. Get inside.

47. That's my mother Rochelle.

48. She had a hundred recipes for whooping ass.

49. Boy, I will slap the caps off your knees.

50. I will knock you into last night.

51. I will slap your name out the phone book

52. and call Ma Bell and tell her I did it!

53. That's my younger brother Drew.

54. There's nothing worse than having a little brother

55. that's bigger than you.

56. My sister, Tanya, was the youngest

57. and would do anything to get me in trouble.

58. Chris, clean that mess up.

59. Tanya did it. Uh-uh!

60. Did I ask you that?

61. Since I was the oldest,

62. I had to be the emergency adult.

63. If you smell smoke, and you think the house is gonna

64. catch fire, get your brother and sister and get out.

65. If you smell gas and you think the house is gonna blow up,

66. get your brother and sister and get out.

67. If you smell smoke and your brother catches on fire,

68. get your sister and get out of here.

69. Fortunately, the house never caught fire

70. and neither did my brother.

71. Mom, why is it that Drew and Tanya

72. get to go to school in our own neighborhood,

73. but I have to go all the way to Brooklyn Beach?

74. Brooklyn Beach was a poor Italian neighborhood

75. on the other side of town.

76. It was just like Bed-Stuy:

77. take away the gangs, add the mob.

78. Because the junior high school around here

79. is like a hoodlum factory.

80. Now, those white kids, they get an education.

81. Not a Harvard-type education,

82. just a not-sticking-up- a-liquor-store type education.

83. Hey, Dad. Hi, baby.

84. What's up? Oh, what's up, Dad?

85. Hey, Daddy. Hey, baby.

86. Tanya was my father's favorite.

87. What's wrong with your oatmeal?

88. Chris made it too lumpy.

89. And she knew it.

90. You don't have to eat it.

91. I know you're not gonna throw that away.

92. Eat that.

93. That's 30 cent worth of oatmeal.

94. My father always knew what everything cost.

95. That's a $1.09 in the trash!

96. That's two dollars on fire.

97. That's 49 cent of spilt milk

98. dripping all over my table.

99. Somebody gonna drink this milk.

100. Uh, baby, did you see this?

101. Mm. Oh, I paid this.

102. It says you paid half. I know.

103. I gave you all the money.

104. How come you only paid half the bill?

105. I cannot even believe that you're asking me that.

106. I'm asking you a question.

107. I'm trying to find out what's going on—

108. No, you're not. You're questioning my judgment.

109. You act like there's not a big red bill sitting on the table.

110. Okay, fine. You do it, then.

111. I will. I am. Fine. Okay. Good. Fine.

112. My parents taught me love is never having to say:

113. "Kiss my ass!" Where the stamps at?

114. I was never cool growing up.

115. The coolest thing about me

116. was this pair of white sneakers I had.

117. Oh, no, no, no.

118. You are not going to school in those sneakers.

119. Believe it or not, there was a time

120. when you couldn't wear sneakers everywhere.

121. Why? Everybody else wears sneakers.

122. Because you look raggedy.

123. And plus, you have an assembly today.

124. Boy, you done lost your mind.

125. My mother hated raggedy.

126. She always said it's better to be poor and neat

127. than rich and raggedy.

128. I think she said that because we were poor.

129. Here. Wear Drew's good shoes.

130. I hate these shoes.

131. Everybody will make fun of me at school.

132. You've been going there for a week.

133. You don't know everybody.

134. I was the only black kid at the school.

135. They know me.

136. This is so embarrassing.

137. How come he's wearing my shoes?

138. 'Cause you only have one pair of feet.

139. Chris, don't fool around after school.

140. I need you to be here to let Drew and Tanya in, okay?

141. You won't be here? I got to work today.

142. But you know the drill.

143. Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.

144. Daddy's gonna be asleep, don't wake him up till 5:00.

145. That's right. Chris.

146. You got your bus pass?

147. Yeah. Um...

148. somewhere around here. Mm-hmm.

149. You keep on. You lose this bus pass,

150. and your behind is gonna be walking to school.

151. Oh.

152. Here's two dollars for lunch. Thanks.

153. All right. Now, be good.

154. I will. Bye, Mommy.

155. Bye, baby.

156. Hold your sister's hand.

157. Don't go in the street.

158. Keisha was the girl next door.

159. At 13, I didn't know a lot about sex,

160. but I knew she had something to do with it.

161. Hey, Drew. Drew?

162. What's up, Keisha?

163. You know her?

164. Yeah.

165. Drew was so cool, he got girls at 10

166. that I couldn't get until I was 30.

167. Listen, when y'all get to the house,

168. don't ring the bell or knock on the door.

169. Just wait, okay? Whatever.

170. What if I have to go to the bathroom?

171. Go at school. That bathroom is so nasty.

172. Listen, if you wake up Daddy,

173. he's gonna punch me square in the face.

174. And if he does that, I'm gonna punch you in the face.

175. And then he's gonna kill me and wind up in jail.

176. Now, do you want Daddy to go to jail?

177. No. No?

178. All right, then!

179. Even when my mother got mad,

180. she still made my dad's dinner.

181. have this on my mind.

182. vegetables, potatoes,

183. and his favorite: a big piece of chicken.

184. I had to take two buses to school every day.

185. Was the junior high school across the street

186. really that bad?

187. Much like rock and roll,

188. school shootings were also invented by blacks

189. and stolen by the white man.

190. My first bus was the 26.

191. I read the newspaper every single day.

192. I learned more on the way to school

193. than I learned at school.

194. My next bus was the 44.

195. I was the only black person on the bus.

196. And nobody would sit next to me.

197. I mean, nobody.

198. If you think she's mad now,

199. wait till her daughter brings home O.J.

200. My mother thought going to a white school

201. meant I would get a better education

202. and I would be safer.

203. Wrong!

204. That's Joey Caruso,

205. a little thug with a big chip on his shoulder.

206. You know, I managed to avoid him

207. before I wore these shoes.

208. Nice shoes, Bojangles.

209. Bojangles?

210. That's not what your mother called me

211. when I was tap-dancing in her drawers last night.

212. I know you think I'm crazy, but if I let him

213. get away with that, he'd be doing it all year.

214. Now, I couldn't beat him,

215. but I thought maybe I could out-black him.

216. What? Did I stutter?

217. Do you know who I am?

218. You step on my shoe again,

219. and I'mma tell you who I am.

220. I don't play that.

221. I'm from Bed-Stuy, boy.

222. I'll bring half of Marcy up in here.

223. I will beat your butt so bad,

224. you're gonna need crutches in your sleep.

225. Hey, this might work.

226. You know what else I'm gonna do—

227. What's your name? Chris.

228. I'm Dr. Raymond, your new principal.

229. Now get off my feet.

230. That's funny?

231. That's not funny.

232. What's your name, son?

233. Caruso.

234. Fix yourself up next time you come to my school.

235. See those shoes?

236. They say something.

237. They say, "I'm a student.

238. I want to learn."

239. I want more of that...

240. and less of this.

241. Don't bump into me again.

242. Even though Caruso was messing withme,

243. getting embarrassed made him even madder.

244. So you know what's coming next.

245. This isn't over, nigger.

246. Oh, he got away with calling me nigger that day.

247. But later in life, he said it at a DMX concert

248. and almost got stomped to death.

249. Hey, are you really from Bed-Stuy, do or die?

250. Yeah. You ever been shot?

251. No. Well, at least not yet.

252. I'm Greg. I'm Chris.

253. Greg Wuliger wasn't my first choice

254. for a friend, but mutual ass-kicking

255. seemed to bring people together.

256. Cool shoes. Thanks.

257. You know, if that was the new principal,

258. who was the old one?

259. I didn't touch her!

260. I don't know what you're talking about. Ask anybody.

261. Mr. Palmer was accused of doing something

262. we can't tell you about because of the network censors.

263. The school settled the lawsuit out of court,

264. and he's not allowed to teach anymore.

265. If he moves to your neighborhood,

266. you'll get a warning.

267. Back at home, my father should have been in bed,

268. but he'd rather lose sleep than money.

269. What are you doing?

270. I'm paying the bills.

271. See? It says $40, I'm paying $40.

272. And that's exactly why I don't let you pay the bills.

273. Where are you going? To work.

274. Is Chris gonna be home in time to wake me up?

275. Can I see in the future?

276. What's wrong with you?

277. Probably can see in the future.

278. By lunchtime, I was starving.

279. I'm gonna go get a hot dog.

280. I'm gonna get a slice of pizza.

281. Got my money...

282. Give me back my bus pass.

283. You want it? Take it, you little...

284. After school, Satchmo.

285. After school, I had a plan.

286. Th-This is crazy.

287. Man, it's a school fight. School fights only last a minute,

288. 'cause somebody always comes and breaks them up.

289. All I have to do is get in the first punch,

290. somebody'll stop it.

291. Fight! Fight! Fight!

292. What're you waiting for, Corn Bread?

293. This'll be over any minute.

294. Is somebody gonna stop this?

295. Wait! Wait! Wait!

296. Wait for me!

297. Thank you. Thank you, yeah.

298. Come on, ma'am, come on. I got a schedule. Let's go...

299. Wait! Wait! Hold up! Hold up! Wait!

300. There's a kid trying to catch...

301. Yeah, yeah, I know, I see...

302. Wait, wait, wait, wait— Ow!

303. Bet you don't get me tomorrow.

304. I bet I do.

305. You do... Yeah, go sit down.

306. Cut that out, you bunch of hoods! Back off!

307. I was still hungry, but I was almost home.

308. What could go wrong now?

309. Daddy!

310. Daddy! Daddy!

311. That girl's trying to get me killed.

312. Daddy! Dad—

313. Girl, you don't want Daddy to go to jail.

314. I told her to quit.

315. I have to go to the bathroom. I told you to go at school!

316. That bathroom is nasty!

317. Listen. We're going in.

318. But once we get in, I don't want to hear any noise.

319. None. Do you understand?

320. Yes.

321. My father always slept in his uniform.

322. That way, when he woke up, he'd be ready to go.

323. I know how to pay bills.

324. I can pay the bills...

325. You may not think messing up a pair of $40 shoes

326. is such a big deal, but you have to realize

327. that my father's car only cost $65.

328. I had to get those shoes clean.

329. For the first time that day, things were going all right.

330. All I had to do now was keep everybody quiet till 5:00.

331. Dad...

332. Dad.

333. Time to get up.

334. It's 5:00?

335. Yep.

336. It's not 4:59?

337. Nope.

338. No...

339. What job am I going to?

340. You're driving a truck.

341. Hello?

342. Hey, hey, baby. It's Mommy.

343. Is your father up?

344. Yep. Good, good, good.

345. Take his plate out of the refrigerator

346. and put in the oven for him.

347. What plate?

348. The one with the big piece of chicken.

349. Haven't I told you

350. do not eat the big piece of chicken?

351. But I was still hungry.

352. My mother wasn't mad at me, she was

353. looking out for my father. You see how big he is?

354. She didn't want him to go to work hungry,

355. 'cause if he goes to work hungry, he'll be grouchy,

356. and if he's grouchy, he might call his boss "cracker,"

357. and if he calls his boss "cracker,"

358. then we're living in the projects again.

359. But do not eat the biggest piece of chicken.

360. Do you understand?

361. At least you didn't mess up your school shoes.

362. Now come over here and give me some sugar.

363. Now go to bed.

364. Rochelle.

365. What?

366. Look, I'm not trying to tell you what to do,

367. but I'm working hard trying to pay for this place.

368. You know that. Just because you make money

369. doesn't mean you know how to spend it.

370. You got to know how to work the system.

371. What system?

372. The debt system.

373. I run this house like they run the country: on a deficit.

374. Rent is due on the 3rd. I don't pay it till the 9th

375. because you don't get your check till the 7th.

376. If you pay the light bill now,

377. I won't have money for the groceries,

378. the rent would be late and then you'll have to work overtime.

379. You want to work overtime again?

380. No, I don't think so.

381. If we don't owe people money,

382. we won't have any money at all.

383. Um...

384. Uh, why didn't you just say that then?

385. Because you didn't ask.

386. Baby.

387. Don't "baby" me.

388. Come here. I'm sorry.

389. Okay?

390. Who told you to open the mail, anyway?

391. Come here, pookie.

392. No, last time you said "pookie," I got pregnant.

393. You my pookie. You always my pookie.

394. No pookie. Okay, little bit of pookie.

395. Love you.

396. I love you too, baby.

397. My dad always checked on us in between jobs,

398. his night job and his late-at-night job.

399. Dad?

400. Hey, man.

401. I thought you were asleep.

402. I'm sorry I ate the big piece of chicken.

403. That was 89 cent worth of chicken.

404. What, you didn't get enough to eat at school?

405. I was still hungry.

406. Now I'm still hungry.

407. Look, next time,

408. eat a little something extra at breakfast, okay?

409. Okay.

410. Here.

411. Now don't go pulling this money out.

412. Somebody'll try to rob you.

413. Don't tell your mother about this.

414. Everything okay at school?

415. I didn't tell him about the fight.

416. My dad went to school during the Civil Rights era.

417. After hoses, tanks and the dog bites on your ass,

418. somehow Joey Caruso didn't compare.

419. Yeah, it was all right.

420. Good. I'll see you in the morning.

421. My father wasn't the type to say, "I love you."

422. He was one of four fathers on the block.

423. "I'll see you in the morning," meant he was coming home.

424. Coming home was his way of saying, "I love you."

425. Unplug that clock, boy.

426. You can't tell time when you sleep.

427. That's two cents an hour.

428. What the hell happened to my towel?