1. Nate Jacobs was in love.
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2. He didn't know how it happened.
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3. He didn't know why it happened.
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4. But he could just feel it.
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5. And it felt so fucking good.
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6. But it was complicated.
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7. We need to get
him to a hospital.
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8. - He's so heavy.
- Are you good?
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9. - Just open the door, bro.
- It's unlocked. Just open it.
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10. Bring him to the hospital.
Let's go, please.
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11. Open the door!
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12. What was it about
Cassie Howard
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13. that allowed Nate
to fully surrender himself?
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14. With Maddy,
it was always a game.
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15. Cassie was the opposite.
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16. He knew he wasn't perfect.
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17. That he had some issues.
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18. But maybe the reason
he had those issues
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19. is because Maddy brought
out the worst in him.
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20. And maybe if he met Cassie
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21. when he was a sophomore
instead of Maddy...
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22. she would've brought out
the best in him.
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23. How could he have
ever overlooked her?
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24. Underestimated her?
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25. She was everything you
could ever want in a woman.
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26. He knew it was
a little soon to say,
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27. but he could imagine
spending life with her.
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28. I wanna feel you inside of me.
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29. He was at home...
and in love.
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30. She was intuitive
and emotional.
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31. She was sensitive
and vulnerable.
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32. She was a strong,
powerful woman.
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33. I don't wanna weird
you out or anything,
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34. but I can imagine
starting a family with you.
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35. Nate began to wonder
if he had brain damage.
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36. Can you hear me?
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37. How would he know?
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38. He knew he could do
a better job than his dad.
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39. He wouldn't fuck his kid up
the way his dad fucked him up.
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40. And the way his granddad
fucked his dad up.
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41. Almighty God, you are the only
source of health and healing.
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42. Does your dad
work out every day?
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43. Except his dad was
such a fuckin' idiot.
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44. He couldn't even control himself.
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45. - I want you to come with my tongue in your ass.
- Ah, fuck.
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46. And had jeopardized everything
their family worked for.
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47. Any soon-to-be-Mamas
wanna take a dip?
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48. Sometimes...
he just wished that his dad
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49. would drop dead
of a heart attack...
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50. and be free of him.
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51. But there's no point
in fantasizing about a life
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52. with Cassie when he knew
that Maddy had that disc.
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53. Fuck!
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54. What if he could go
back to the beginning?
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55. What would he wish?
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56. Where would things go?
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57. Who would he be?
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58. In you, there is calm.
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59. Hey, man.
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60. Nurse! Nurse!
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61. Nurse!
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62. Oh my god!
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63. You fuckin' whore.
Slut.
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64. It was the first day
of school after the new year.
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65. And I finally had everything
I'd ever wished for.
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66. You know you're like a dream?
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67. I didn't know you were
such a romantic, Rue.
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68. What can I say?
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69. Oh, fuck...
I completely forgot
he goes to our school.
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70. I love you.
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71. If this asshole says
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72. anything about doing drugs,
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73. I will literally slit
his throat in the quad.
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74. Rue?
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75. Yeah?
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76. I said, "I love you."
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77. - I love you, too.
- You kinda checked out for a second.
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78. Please, God,
do not fuck up my life.
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79. - Yo, Rue.
- Hey.
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80. What's goin' on?
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81. - Hi.
- Hi.
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82. Nothin'.
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83. I'm Jules.
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84. Sorry, this is Jules.
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85. Hey, I'm Elliot.
Nice to meet you.
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86. Sorry, introductions
are, usually, very, um,
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87. overwhelming and...
debilitating for me...
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88. at least.
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89. Uh, so, how do you know Elliot?
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90. We met on New Year's.
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91. Oh shit, yeah.
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92. That was it, New Year's.
That's...
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93. That's where we met.
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94. Jules is my girlfriend.
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95. Wow... I didn't know
you were, um—
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96. In a relationship?
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97. The other thing I wish
I could mention is
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98. I, sort of, spent the last few
days hangin' out with Elliot.
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99. Which was cool 'cause
he makes a ton of money
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100. selling music stems online,
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101. and we bought a bunch of drugs.
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102. Um... it was nice to meet you,
and I'll see you later, Rue.
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103. - Nice to meet you.
- I love you. Bye.
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104. Fuck. Was it just me,
or was that super awkward?
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105. That was awkward.
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106. - Hey, Cass.
- Hey, Jules.
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107. Since winter formal,
Cassie had gone through
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108. a low-grade depression.
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109. When was the last
time you showered?
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110. When are you gonna clean
your side of the room?
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111. Wait, when have you
ever been single?
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112. I was reading this
article on abstinence,
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113. and how not
having sex is
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114. like its own
spiritual journey.
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115. - Right.
- The writer compared it to how monks take
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116. their vows of silence,
and I really feel like
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117. that's my journey next year.
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118. - Bitch, I don't believe a word you're saying.
- Why?
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119. Because you love
to be loved.
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120. Well...
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121. How do I fix that?
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122. I don't know,
when you wanna say yes,
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123. you just say no.
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124. Would you like
a ride to this party?
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125. You wanna go
to the bathroom?
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126. You able to do this
and not tell anybody?
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127. Yes.
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128. But she was drunk.
Not super drunk.
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129. But she never would've
said yes if Maddy and Nate
were still together.
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130. 'Cause that would
be unforgivable.
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131. Maddy was her best friend.
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132. You just get back
from the hospital?
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133. Maddy couldn't sleep.
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134. And if she were being
totally honest with herself,
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135. she wanted to be in that
hospital bed with Nate.
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136. Lexi, where's
the fucking Tylenol?
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137. Is that Nate's blood
on your leg?
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138. Why didn't you
wash it off?
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139. Nate sent me the most beautiful
text message this morning.
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140. Really?
What he say?
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141. That's so sweet.
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142. Yeah, I know he's
a horrible person,
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143. but I'm kind of torn.
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144. When are you getting
off the phone?
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145. Why do you care?
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146. Because I wanna talk to you.
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147. Hey, Cass, I'm gonna go hang
out with my best friend Theo
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148. and I'll call you later.
Okay. Okay, bye.
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149. Babysitting wasn't her
first choice of a job.
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150. I'm sorry, but 17-year-olds
can't donate eggs.
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151. That's fucking retarded.
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152. She liked the kid
she babysat for.
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153. But what she loved
the most was...
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154. Fuck.
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155. Maddy?
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156. Fuck.
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157. Maddy?
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158. - Hey.
- Hi.
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159. - Hi.
- How was your night?
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160. Whew...
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161. it was fun, uh...
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162. it's nice to be drunk.
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163. Maddy?
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164. - Can you come here for a second?
- Sure.
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165. Hey... can you help
me with this zipper?
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166. - I don't know where my husband is.
- Oh, yeah, of course.
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167. Thanks.
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168. Thank you for
being so sweet.
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169. That's all.
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170. - Good night.
- Good night.
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171. I feel like I would
look so sexy pregnant.
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172. Maddy, please do
not get pregnant.
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173. I wouldn't wear any of those
nasty maternity clothes.
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174. I would just be me...
plus pregnant.
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175. Remember when
I got pregnant?
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176. Yes, and it would be
nothing like that.
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177. Well, speakin'
of baby daddies,
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178. I've seen the photo
that Ethan posted
of the two of you.
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179. It's cute as fuck.
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180. Yeah, Kat, stop flaunting
your healthy, non-abusive,
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181. wonderful relationship.
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182. It's actually triggering.
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183. Yeah, he's, um—
He's really sweet.
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184. And he was really sweet.
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185. I just have to go
to the bathroom
real quick, okay?
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186. Okay.
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187. Ethan?
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188. Ahh.
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189. He was the love of my life.
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190. No, no, not totally.
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191. Come on.
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192. What are you doing?
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193. Okay.
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194. Ah.
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195. Wait, you're telling me
Ethan tore your clothes off
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196. and fucked the shit out of you?
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197. Yeah... it's great.
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198. - Wow.
- Go Ethan!
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199. Bye.
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200. Nate was released
from the hospital
a few days earlier.
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201. I have a hard time believing
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202. you don't know
who did this to you.
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203. - Dad, just leave it alone.
- Well, I'm not going to.
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204. Yeah, well, you should.
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205. It's one thing
to dislike your parents.
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206. It's not like you
have a choice.
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207. But if you dislike your kid...
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208. well, that's
sort of your fault.
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209. I just have a hard time
believing it was unprovoked.
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210. He's our son.
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211. I know... I know.
I'm just sayin'.
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212. I just wanna kill myself.
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213. As soon as Nate had been
released from the hospital...
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214. he wished he was
back in the hospital.
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215. Just take a deep breath.
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216. Nate, I'm legit
going crazy right now.
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217. You can't do this to me.
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218. - Lex?
- What?
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219. What's going on
with your sister?
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220. I think she's having
a nervous breakdown.
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221. About what?
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222. I don't know.
Being single or something.
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223. No...
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224. those aren't the emotions
of a single person.
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225. The only way Nate was able
to calm Cassie down enough
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226. to stop crying
was to tell her...
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227. I promise we can meet
in person next weekend.
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228. But then he said something
that totally freaked her out.
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229. Nate
If Maddy finds out,
she's gonna spend
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230. the rest of her life
trying to kill me.
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231. I know.
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232. But she'll actually kill you.
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233. Fucking racist.
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234. Ahh!
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235. Sorry, I didn't hear you, bitch. What?
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236. - Hey, Cass.
- Hey, Jules.
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237. Now, at the time,
I didn't know how much
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238. the Elliot thing upset Jules.
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239. But I never thought that Jules
was like clingy or jealous,
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240. so I didn't think
it'd be a big deal.
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241. - It is a big deal.
- Why?
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242. The fact that you're even
asking me to explain it to you
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243. - is kind of an even bigger deal.
- Oh, I don't understand
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244. how such a small
fucking thing
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245. has become such a big
fucking thing.
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246. - 'Cause it hurt my feelings.
- Why?
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247. 'Cause I can tell you
have a crush on him.
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248. I do not have
a fucking crush on him.
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249. Then why else would
you forget meeting him?
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250. - Like, "Oh, that's right. New Year's."
- Jules, it's not like that.
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251. - "Silly me."
- It's not like that.
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252. Well, I hope not.
That would really suck.
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253. - I'm sorry.
- Um, I gotta be home in 15 minutes,
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254. or else I'm gonna
get grounded for
another two weeks.
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255. I'll see ya later, Rue.
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256. - I get you in trouble?
- Yeah, kinda.
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257. I feel like we
should do drugs.
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258. Why don't you
have a seat, Cassie?
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259. Mr. Jacobs believes
you know who
assaulted his son.
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260. Meanwhile...
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261. Fezco had a new house guest.
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262. Ashtray was so pissed off
he couldn't even speak to Fez.
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263. - Good morning!
- Morning.
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264. Fezco couldn't understand
the whole story.
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265. But apparently
Faye had pushed
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266. the motel manager
off the balcony.
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267. The fucking cops
are looking for Faye.
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268. What the fuck!
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269. I, I didn't do anything.
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270. Unfortunately,
Custer wouldn't leave her.
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271. I know, dude, but she's
the love of my life.
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272. And the last thing
Fezco needed
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273. was the cops finding
Faye with Custer.
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274. Get in the fucking vent.
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275. Ow.
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276. I know you're in there.
Open up!
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277. Oh my god. Get in the fucking vent!
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278. I love you.
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279. Custer told Fez
he could find her
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280. behind the dumpster
of the new Taco Bell.
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281. Don't look at me like that.
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282. The only reason that
I went so crazy
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283. is because the motel manager
kept saying such mean things.
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284. I honestly don't give a fuck.
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285. So Faye came
to live with Fez.
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286. Yo, don't touch nothin'.
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287. - Don't talk to Ash.
- Okay.
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288. And don't go in my
fuckin' room, all right?
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289. I promise.
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290. - Want some of my sandwich?
- Okay.
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291. Cassie, I asked you a question.
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292. She didn't see anything.
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293. I'm not asking you.
I'm asking her.
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294. I already told Mrs. Jacobs
I didn't see anything.
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295. I know.
We just don't
believe you.
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296. I'm telling the truth.
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297. Look, Cassie,
I'm more than happy to get
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298. the Chief of Police,
Bill Greenwood, involved.
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299. Old family friend.
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300. Maybe he should have
this conversation with you.
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301. With everyone, in fact.
You know?
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302. Get everyone's
cell phones.
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303. Text histories.
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304. Find out what exactly happened.
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305. Should we do that instead?
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306. Now, what scared
the shit out of Cassie...
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307. was last night
she texted Nate.
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308. Hello?
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309. Nate
Don't ever put that
in writing again.
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310. I'm sorry.
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311. Don't look at her.
Look at me.
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312. - Why would you say that?
- What?
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313. - What was I supposed to do?
- Not say anything.
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314. You heard him!
He was going to call the police!
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315. No, he wasn't.
He was bluffing,
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316. and you fell for it 'cause
you're a fucking idiot!
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317. - Why do you even care?
- Because you just ruined someone's life!
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318. Fezco almost killed Nate!
That was his decision.
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319. Lexi had thought
about that night a lot.
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320. How could Fezco
be so kind to her,
and so violent towards Nate?
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321. She couldn't remember
the last time someone
her age asked her
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322. so many questions
about herself.
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323. He actually cared about
what she had to say.
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324. And then, 10 minutes later...
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325. almost beat
Nate Jacobs to death.
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326. And even if Nate deserved it,
it was a horrible thing to do.
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327. It made her think about
her entire life.
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328. How she's always
been so passive.
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329. How she never had
the courage to say anything.
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330. And even the time when
she did get the courage
to say something?
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331. Rue, you really
need to get help.
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332. What, are you gonna tell
my mom or something?
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333. Yeah, if you don't stop.
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334. Okay.
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335. She backed down.
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336. Hon...
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337. I don't wanna
scare you...
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338. but somethin'
happened to Rue.
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339. She's okay.
She's okay.
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340. But I think
she overdosed.
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341. Oh...
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342. Come here.
Come here.
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343. It's my fault.
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344. She hated herself
for being so weak
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345. and passive and afraid.
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346. So, a couple of days
after Cal came over,
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347. she decided
to say something.
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348. Now, I didn't know any of this
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349. 'cause I was with Elliot
smokin' a little bit of weed.
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350. Jules invited me over
to her house for dinner.
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351. I guess like to apologize,
but I had NA that night
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352. so I went
to Elliot's for a bit.
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353. Should I just put dinner in
the oven till Rue gets here?
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354. Uh, no, she's not coming.
She has a meeting.
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355. You sure she's
a good influence?
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356. She's part of the reason you
decided to get on that train.
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357. Yeah, but she's not
the one who got on the train.
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358. It still doesn't
answer my question.
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359. You know what I feel
like nobody in my life
understands?
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360. Is that like drugs
are honestly the only way
I can be myself.
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361. Yeah, I, I don't
think that's true.
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362. Nah, it is true.
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363. Like when
I first met you,
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364. I would've never had
the balls to just, like,
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365. - come up to you and talk to you.
- Why?
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366. I don't know. I'm just like
a deeply shy person.
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367. And like with Jules, right?
Like...
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368. when I first met her,
I was just...
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369. immediately in love.
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370. - In love?
- Yeah.
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371. When you say it out loud
it kind of sounds small.
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372. What's a bigger
feeling than love?
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373. Loss.
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374. You think?
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375. Yeah, I think so.
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376. Yeah.
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377. I don't know.
Maybe that's what
it was, right?
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378. Like...
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379. as soon as I saw her,
I was just immediately
afraid to lose her.
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380. Who have you lost?
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381. Uh, my dad.
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382. - Meaning?
- Meaning he's dead.
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383. Shit, I'm sorry.
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384. It's fine.
You didn't, like, kill him.
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385. How was he killed?
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386. Oh, he wasn't.
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387. Are you fucking with me right now?
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388. Uh, no, it was, it was cancer.
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389. Shit.
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390. Yeah.
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391. - How old were you?
- I was 14.
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392. - So recently.
- Not really.
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393. I feel like that's
kind of recent.
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394. I don't know.
I guess.
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395. Honestly it feels like
fuckin' forever ago.
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396. Is that why you
started doing drugs?
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397. That's funny.
That's what, uh—
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398. that's what everybody
asks in rehab.
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399. - What do you mean?
- Uh, just that, you know, like,
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400. I wish it was that simple,
you know, like...
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401. "Well, my dad died,
so I started doing drugs."
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402. - Yeah.
- Yeah.
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403. I feel like everyone's
looking for like a...
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404. cause and effect.
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405. Sometimes shit's just
like is what it is.
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406. Yeah, exactly.
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407. I don't know.
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408. To be honest,
if my dad was still here,
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409. I'd probably still
be doin' this shit.
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410. How does Jules not know
that you're doing drugs?
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411. Ugh, 'cause I'm good at my job.
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412. Do you think it's a good
thing that we're friends?
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413. Yeah, why?
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414. I just feel like...
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415. we might not bring out
the best in each other.
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416. I feel like I'm okay with that.
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417. Ethan
I love you.
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418. - I love you.
- I love you more.
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419. I love you more than more.
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420. My god, no.
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421. Ethan made plans with Kat
to go bowling that night.
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422. Kat was depressed because
she couldn't figure out why
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423. she didn't love Ethan.
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424. So she decided to make
a list of pros and cons.
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425. But she couldn't
think of anything,
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426. which made her realize Ethan
might not be the problem.
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427. Mmm.
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428. Rue
Kat hated herself.
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429. But the problem
with hating yourself is you
can't really talk about it.
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430. Because at some point recently,
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431. the whole world
joined a self-help cult
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432. and won't shut
the fuck up about it.
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433. It's not gonna solve
all your life problems,
Copy !req
434. but it is gonna solve...
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435. Kat.
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436. You're one of the bravest,
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437. most beautiful human beings
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438. I have ever seen.
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439. - That's not true.
- Yes, it is.
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440. I wish I had
your confidence.
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441. But I don't, like...
feel healthy.
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442. Yes, you are.
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443. No, like... seriously.
I'm not.
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444. Kat, you just have
to love yourself.
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445. But that's what
I'm trying to tell you!
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446. I fucking hate myself!
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447. Every day you
get out of bed...
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448. It's an act of courage.
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449. That's easy for you to say.
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450. You don't have like
fucking mental problems.
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451. Yes, I do.
Why do you think
I look like this?
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452. Are you kidding?
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453. I wish my mental problems
made me look like you.
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454. - Trust me, you don't.
- Trust me, I do!
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455. You're like the most beautiful
person I've ever fucking seen.
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456. Maybe by a white, cis-male,
heteronormative standard.
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457. Oh my god.
Are you fucking joking?
Copy !req
458. Kat! Are you fucking serious?
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459. That's not you fucking talking!
It's the patriarchy!
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460. It is me talking!
You are not listening!
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461. No!
Society puts things
into your mind!
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462. I don't care about society!
I feel like shit!
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463. Kat, you need to smash
all beauty standards.
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464. But I can't even get out of bed!
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465. You have
to love yourself.
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466. You need to find
your inner fuckin' warrior!
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467. - Become a bad bitch.
- Just like you did last year.
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468. - But that wasn't even real.
- It looked real.
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469. - That was the point!
- I found it inspiring.
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470. - Shut the fuck up!
- Group Love yourself! Love yourself!
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471. Love yourself! Love yourself!
Copy !req
472. Leave me alone!
Get the fuck out!
Copy !req
473. Fuck.
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474. Hey.
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475. Uh, nothing just...
depressed in the bath.
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476. Bowling?
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477. What the fuck?
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478. Nate
Yo, this is Nate.
I'm busy.
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479. Leave a message at the beep.
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480. Look who the cat dragged in.
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481. Yeah, yeah.
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482. I see you're still
on your suicide mission.
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483. Let go. Let God.
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484. Where are we goin'?
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485. What are you thinking about?
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486. We're almost there.
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487. I've never been
over here before.
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488. So... you wanna
tell me who that girl
was you just had over.
Copy !req
489. What? No.
She's a friend.
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490. I can count on my hand
how many friends you
done had over here.
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491. Well, she's one of 'em.
Copy !req
492. - Mm-hm.
- Mm-hm.
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493. Look, Cass, um...
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494. I really like you.
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495. How I wish that things
could be different.
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496. I just think what happened
between us was a mistake,
Copy !req
497. and we never should have
did what we did.
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498. Yeah, but...
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499. It was my fault.
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500. I shouldn't have, uh...
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501. It was my fault, too.
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502. I just thought—
I ju— I just didn't
think that I'd get so, um—
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503. It doesn't matter.
It is what it is.
Copy !req
504. We can't see each other.
Copy !req
505. And we can never,
ever speak about this.
Copy !req
506. I'm so sorry.
I'm... I'm so fuckin' sorry.
Copy !req
507. Cassie!
Copy !req
508. Cass!
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509. - Lexi Howard.
- Hi.
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510. - How you doin'?
- I'm good, um...
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511. - Hi. I'm Faye.
- I'm Lexi, um...
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512. Are, are you guys...
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513. Yeah, no, she's just
stayin' with me for a bit,
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514. but, but she's cool, though.
Copy !req
515. What brings you
out here anyway?
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516. Oh, I just came
to get a, a drink.
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517. Okay, well, we got
plenty of those.
Copy !req
518. Um... do you need
help finding anything?
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519. No, I'm okay.
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520. Oh, uh, that's
the malt liquor.
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521. Yeah, I know.
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522. Cassie!
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523. Cass!
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524. Cassie!
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525. Cassie!
Copy !req
526. Cassie!
Copy !req
527. You don't know how much
power you have.
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528. Nate
Fuck.
Copy !req
529. How are you ever gonna look
Maddy in the eye again?
Copy !req
530. Feel sorry I didn't
get to say goodbye
on New Year's.
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531. Good evening.
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532. What's up, man?
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533. You got any spearmint gum?
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534. I don't know, man.
The gum's right here.
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535. This your store?
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536. It's a family business.
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537. Do your parents own it?
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538. You usually ask this
many questions, man?
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539. Just you.
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540. She tell you who I am?
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541. - Nah, man.
- Are you a cop?
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542. No.
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543. Just a concerned father.
Copy !req
544. You know what's
kind of depressing?
Copy !req
545. - What?
- I'll never find that kind of love.
Copy !req
546. What do you mean?
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547. There's just no darkness.
It's just sweet.
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548. Yeah.
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549. I don't know if that
would ever be enough for me.
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550. I don't know...
I mean,
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551. I guess some people are
just kinda built different.
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552. Yeah.
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553. Guess so.
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554. It works if you work it.
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555. How 'bout you let me
give you a ride home?
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556. Um, I'm okay.
I got my, uh, my bike.
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557. Yeah, yeah.
I'm not sure you should be
behind the handlebars right now.
Copy !req
558. - Yo, you ever listen to Thelonious Monk?
- No.
Copy !req
559. What?
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560. Greatest jazz pianist
who ever lived.
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561. Supposedly,
he had huge hands.
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562. He would play like this,
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563. and then he would
roll his hands over,
Copy !req
564. hit the keys...
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565. - All right.
- Okay, what are you doing?
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566. I'm gonna introduce
myself to your mother.
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567. - What are you talkin' about?
- Rue, if my daughter was gettin' rides home from NA
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568. by a 54-year-old crackhead,
and he didn't come to the door
Copy !req
569. to look me in the eye
and shake my hand...
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570. I'd think
somethin' was afoot.
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571. O-Okay,
but you can't, like,
Copy !req
572. go in there and start...
Copy !req
573. - talkin' and stuff, you know?
- Oh shit.
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574. You scared I'mma tell
your mama you're still
doin' drugs, huh?
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575. Oh, the anxiety
you must have.
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576. Mom?
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577. Five minutes. Okay?
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578. What is she gonna do
for five minutes?
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579. I don't even wanna know!
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580. I think I'm gonna get
back together with Nate.
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581. It's a mistake, right?
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582. - Don't do it.
- I don't know if I can help it.
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583. I wish you could
see yourself the way
the rest of the world does.
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584. I got two daughters myself,
so I know it can't be easy.
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585. I've got a lot of
respect for you.
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586. Well, I'm just
doin' what I can.
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587. Do you want somethin'
to drink or eat?
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588. Do you want to sit down?
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589. Nah, nah, nah.
I was just comin'
to introduce myself.
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590. I'm sponsorin'
the little troublemaker.
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591. But she's doin' well, right?
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592. I can't tell
if that's a statement...
or a question.
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593. Well, she's got
a long way to go.
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594. But so did I at her age.
Copy !req
595. Oh, well.
Copy !req
596. - Thank you for having me by.
- Oh, of course.
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597. - All right. You have a lovely night.
- You too.
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598. Good night.
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599. He's handsome.
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600. Oh...
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601. I'm sorry.
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602. I fell.
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603. Come on, kid.
Let's get you to the bed.
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604. Is it true
you killed Mouse?
Copy !req
605. Go to sleep.
Copy !req
606. You want to tell me
why some punk drug dealer
beat you up?
Copy !req
607. - You sure you want to have this conversation?
- Yeah, Nate. I do.
Copy !req
608. Okay.
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609. I don't think
you want Mom to hear.
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610. You remember that classmate
of mine that you fucked? Jules?
Copy !req
611. All right, so she
told her best friend...
Copy !req
612. who told her drug dealer.
Copy !req
613. And now they keep
threatening to go down
to the police station,
Copy !req
614. - and say that you like to fuck little kids.
- Fuck.
Copy !req
615. So maybe I was
stickin' up for you.
Copy !req
616. - I want to apologize—
- I don't need your apologies.
Copy !req
617. I need you to understand...
Copy !req
618. I didn't know she
went to your school.
Copy !req
619. - I didn't know how old she was.
- Mm-hm.
Copy !req
620. Well, what she didn't know
is that you were filming her.
Copy !req
621. Do you have it?
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622. Nate?
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623. Do you have it?
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