1. Hey, Brenda. Kenny's coming
for a visit with his new baby.Copy !req
2. We're gonna have to change
the sheets in the guest roorn...Copy !req
3. wand make sure there is
no medication lying around.Copy !req
4. Got it, got it.Copy !req
5. - Gonna be fun.
- Hello?Copy !req
6. Good time with that baby.Copy !req
7. This is a league game.Copy !req
8. You can't just leave early,
or you'll be disqualified.Copy !req
9. You'd rather win this In a weasel way
than settle on the boards?Copy !req
10. Speaking of the boards,
let me just...Copy !req
11. - Yep, I'm still ahead.
- Heh, heh.Copy !req
12. So why don't you decide, Tammy?Copy !req
13. You want me to win by points
or disqualification?Copy !req
14. Whatever. I've got more
important shit in my life...Copy !req
15. than arguing with your dumb ass.Copy !req
16. My famous baseball-player son...Copy !req
17. is coming for a visit
with his new baby.Copy !req
18. And would this be the son
that got busted doing steroids...Copy !req
19. and had that prostitution scandal?Copy !req
20. - Sure did.
- You must be very proud.Copy !req
21. Oh!Copy !req
22. I guess you win by disqualification.Copy !req
23. You're the champ.Copy !req
24. Soak it up, tomato face.Copy !req
25. I got the baby.Copy !req
26. I got the baby.Copy !req
27. Well, goddamn.Copy !req
28. Somebody's doing pretty good
for themselves.Copy !req
29. All right. Let's go over some ground rules.Copy !req
30. First off, go along with everything I say.Copy !req
31. You can't just walk in there and ask her
to raise your baby right off the bat.Copy !req
32. Let me moisten her up
a little bit first.Copy !req
33. I feel like I have blood in my Wiener
when I get excited.Copy !req
34. Maria.Copy !req
35. - Steven.
- Where are you?Copy !req
36. Your marriage is over.Copy !req
37. Now sack the fuck up,
or you're gonna walk back to Myrtle.Copy !req
38. No loose cannons on this mission.Copy !req
39. - Knock, knock.
- Who's there?Copy !req
40. We are.Copy !req
41. Goddamn right. Let's go.Copy !req
42. Oh, my goodness.Copy !req
43. - My boy.
- How you doing, Mama?Copy !req
44. - My baby.
- So good to see you.Copy !req
45. And my grandbaby, you sweet thing.
He's getting so big.Copy !req
46. And so handsome,
just like his daddy.Copy !req
47. Oh, yes, he is.Copy !req
48. Oh, you sweet thing, you sweet thing.Copy !req
49. Okay, now.
Who are these people?'?Copy !req
50. Well, Mom...Copy !req
51. the man made of skin here
is my nanny/assistant...Copy !req
52. and this disabled mouth-breather
minority is my personal chef.Copy !req
53. Well, big celeb, excuse me,
got your own nanny and a chef.Copy !req
54. Yeah, this is just a sampling
of the Hollywood dream iife I live.Copy !req
55. I have a whole staff and slew of people
at my estate back at the beach, yeah.Copy !req
56. I have a personal hygienist,
obsti-nutrionist person...Copy !req
57. - ... a rnagicianist.
- Ha, ha, ha.Copy !req
58. Well, you brought the whole
damned entourage, my famous son?Copy !req
59. - That's right.
- Well, come om in.Copy !req
60. ActuaHy, there is one other
member of my eHte entourage.Copy !req
61. A surprise member.Copy !req
62. Did somebody say
"long-lost husband"?Copy !req
63. Oh, fuck me.Copy !req
64. Tammy. Tammy, Tammy.Copy !req
65. By God, you look as
gorgeous as I remembered.Copy !req
66. You know, 27 years is a damn long trip
to the store for cigarettes.Copy !req
67. Ha, ha, ha. Well, I lied to you about that.
I'm sorry, honey.Copy !req
68. I wasn't really going to
the store for cigarettes.Copy !req
69. Yeah? No shit.Copy !req
70. You perfidious prick.Copy !req
71. Oh, fuck my ass.Copy !req
72. Oh!Copy !req
73. I must say, that felt good.Copy !req
74. It's going away. No.
There it goes to my stomach.Copy !req
75. I want you to get your asses
in the house here...Copy !req
76. - ... before the neighbors start talking.
- Okay.Copy !req
77. She got you good.Copy !req
78. - That was right in your baHs. Crazy.
- Ooh!Copy !req
79. I don't know how you can trust
that bald one with the baby.Copy !req
80. Kenny, you remember
my assistant, Brenda?Copy !req
81. Oh, what the fuck's up, Brenda?
I remember you.Copy !req
82. You still smoke
those Chihuahua dicks?Copy !req
83. - That's right.
- You've been working...Copy !req
84. - ... witn Brenda for a \ong tirne now.
- Yes, I have, and Brenda...Copy !req
85. that smiley shithead
with the hat is my ex-husband...Copy !req
86. Eddie Powers.
You've heard the stories.Copy !req
87. Oh, my God, look at this. You—Copy !req
88. You still got our special silverware.Copy !req
89. That was the wedding gift
that my mom and daddy gave us.Copy !req
90. It's been in our family for years.
It dates back to the 1800s.Copy !req
91. We were so in love back then.Copy !req
92. Oh, kiss my ass.Copy !req
93. Kenny, I want to show you
my trophy room.Copy !req
94. Trophy room?Copy !req
95. I've got about four new trophies
since you last saw it, son.Copy !req
96. Yeah, I'm gonna go check
out some trophies, dudes.Copy !req
97. Let's check them out.Copy !req
98. - You made this stuff?
- Just the clothes.Copy !req
99. Bodies hand-painted
by little Mexicans.Copy !req
100. My wife was Mexican
before she left me.Copy !req
101. I'm sorry.Copy !req
102. I came inside another woman.Copy !req
103. So she left me.Copy !req
104. Goddamn it, Kenny.Copy !req
105. No heads-up or anything?Copy !req
106. Five minutes with that asshole
and I have a migraine already.Copy !req
107. What are you holding?Copy !req
108. Let's see.Copy !req
109. I've got Percocet,
and I've got rnusde relaxers.Copy !req
110. Oh, shit. That's pretty sweet.Copy !req
111. Oh, sick, suppositories.Copy !req
112. Mix the Percocet with the Xanie,
His Hke heroin.Copy !req
113. - Is it really?
- That's what I heard.Copy !req
114. Why didn't you tell me that before?Copy !req
115. I'm rocking this Adderall here.
Keeps me focused.Copy !req
116. Even if it does give me a dry mouth...Copy !req
117. - ... and occasional constipation.
- I'd like some.Copy !req
118. Shit gets real.Copy !req
119. - There you go.
- Oh, look at this.Copy !req
120. My God,
those are lRs and 20s too.Copy !req
121. Mm-hm. Can I have"?Copy !req
122. Not bad. What is it you want?Copy !req
123. Well, I'd have to have just
a few of the muscle relaxers...Copy !req
124. - ... a little of those.
- I do feel that.Copy !req
125. - Cool, huh?
- Damn, I like that.Copy !req
126. That's what all the young kids
are fucking with these days.Copy !req
127. Loosens you up.Copy !req
128. - Whoa.
- Knock, knock.Copy !req
129. - Oh, Lord.
- How we all doing?Copy !req
130. Doing cool, just trying
to talk to Mom—Copy !req
131. Oh, my God, look at that buHetin board.Copy !req
132. Let me ask you something.Copy !req
133. Who is that strapping young
athlete right there?Copy !req
134. It's me.Copy !req
135. We done good, didn't we?Copy !req
136. What's this "we" shit, white man?Copy !req
137. Call me crazy, but I missed
that sharp tongue of yours.Copy !req
138. Not to mention them long legs.Copy !req
139. - I don't want to see any of this.
- Don't you breathe on me.Copy !req
140. Oh, speaking of missing,
I am missing my daily lane time.Copy !req
141. Oh, I got a heH of an Idea.Copy !req
142. Why don't we go along
and support you, as a famHy?Copy !req
143. - AH right, all right, all right.
- Whoo!Copy !req
144. Now that's what I call a strike.Copy !req
145. Oh, well, that's what everybody
calls a strike, asshole.Copy !req
146. Still that same old firecracker
that I used to get boners for.Copy !req
147. I hope you're not having trouble
getting boners these days.Copy !req
148. Oh, hell no. I still achieve
povverfw, long-lasting boners.Copy !req
149. Oh, my God.Copy !req
150. You really knew
how to light my fire back then.Copy !req
151. You think you could still do that?Copy !req
152. - I think I could stick a match up your ass.
- Ha, ha, ha!Copy !req
153. Have a look at me, woman.Copy !req
154. I'm still in pretty good shape.Copy !req
155. Your little butt and I are not on speaking terms.Copy !req
156. Well, you better start...Copy !req
157. - ... chatting it up, then.
- Ha, ha, ha.Copy !req
158. Look at that con man, out there
prancing his ass in Mom's face.Copy !req
159. Got her laughing and shit.Copy !req
160. He's got a special touch with the ladies.Copy !req
161. All the men in our family
have the special touch.Copy !req
162. Pssh. Don't put yourself
in that category, Casper.Copy !req
163. You ain't got no special touches.
Don't act like you're getting pussy.Copy !req
164. Me? I fuck like TT Boy.
You don't know What I do.Copy !req
165. Pssh. You fuck like TT Boy, the porn star?Copy !req
166. Yes.Copy !req
167. Whafid you do with the last chick you fucked?Copy !req
168. Fingers, ass, pubic play.Copy !req
169. Pubic play? What exactly is that?Copy !req
170. That's when you put your pubic hairs
together, and you go like this:Copy !req
171. You just mash your
pubic hairs together?Copy !req
172. You could start a fucking rug fire
doing that.Copy !req
173. Looks Hke your dad's gonna get
balls deep in your mom tonight.Copy !req
174. That means there's hope
for me and Maria.Copy !req
175. Guess what. Fuck hope.Copy !req
176. I need you to focus on my goals.
What are you doing with Toby?Copy !req
177. Hogging him.
Give him to my morn.Copy !req
178. Right now, Pop's getting
all the face time.Copy !req
179. Maybe I should just kill myse\f.Copy !req
180. Maybe you should go grow some eyebrows.
Get out of here, man.Copy !req
181. Act like a little bitch.Copy !req
182. Combo, 1 ball off the side part
to the 3, and to the other part.Copy !req
183. - Nice.
- Ha, ha, ha.Copy !req
184. You got the wrong ball. Ha, ha, ha.Copy !req
185. Aah.Copy !req
186. Fucking" I dare you.Copy !req
187. Get the fuck off of me,
you're all fucking sweaty. Get off.Copy !req
188. Get off.Copy !req
189. Get off. Go.Copy !req
190. - Ha, ha, ha.
- Is it"? Is it a buffalo?Copy !req
191. Video games.Copy !req
192. How the fuck is that video games?Copy !req
193. - Just look what I'm drawing.
- Is it a goat in a gate?Copy !req
194. - Video games.
- Ha, ha, ha.Copy !req
195. - Video games.
- It is not video games.Copy !req
196. - Is that a three-hegged dog?
- Not a dog.Copy !req
197. You have to show him the pictures.Copy !req
198. All right, it's an angel in a car.Copy !req
199. - No.
- It's an ange\--Copy !req
200. - It's a girl with her head smashed in.
- Eh!Copy !req
201. You're not on our team.Copy !req
202. - Tirne's up.
- Time's up. Girls win.Copy !req
203. Girls win. Yay!Copy !req
204. It's a fucking poncho.Copy !req
205. - I can see that.
- Are you kidding me?Copy !req
206. Good thing you can throw
a baseball...Copy !req
207. - ... because you can't draw for shit.
- You draw like a retard.Copy !req
208. I'm not bad at drawing. Stop it.Copy !req
209. Well, okay now, that's—Copy !req
210. That's about all I can take
for excitement in one night.Copy !req
211. That's plenty.
I'm gonna go to bed.Copy !req
212. Hold on, hold on a minute, Tammy.
H0\d on, hold on.Copy !req
213. I, uh...Copy !req
214. I got— I have something I wanna say...Copy !req
215. and I want everybody
hereto bear witness.Copy !req
216. I, um...Copy !req
217. It's hard.Copy !req
218. I've been gone a long time.Copy !req
219. And I didn't know exactly what it would be
like when I came back...Copy !req
220. wand you all have made
me feel so at home...Copy !req
221. In spite of the fact
that we've been apart all these years.Copy !req
222. And I— I want to assure you...Copy !req
223. all of you...Copy !req
224. that I'm gonna do everything I can
to make things right.Copy !req
225. And I'm— I'm sorry it took me so long
to come to my senses.Copy !req
226. I sincerely hope that you'll accept
my apo\ogy.Copy !req
227. Okay. That's the end of the speech.Copy !req
228. I'm gonna go to bed too.Copy !req
229. And I'm gonna go out
and sleep out there in the RV.Copy !req
230. I don't wanna impose.Copy !req
231. gov slow;.Copy !req
232. No need to sleep outside.Copy !req
233. You can sleep in there
on the couch.Copy !req
234. Really? I don't mind sleeping outside.Copy !req
235. No, outside is for the dogs.
Inside is for family.Copy !req
236. Okay.Copy !req
237. And the garage is for cars.Copy !req
238. Getting ready for bed?Copy !req
239. I'm just chilling.
Just looking at some old stuff.Copy !req
240. Kenny, shame on you.Copy !req
241. What did I say about you
smoking weed around me?Copy !req
242. - That I have to share.
- Yes, that's right.Copy !req
243. - Well, thank you, son.
- You're welcome.Copy !req
244. I don't suppose...Copy !req
245. any boy wants to party with his mama.Copy !req
246. What's eating at you, son?Copy !req
247. It's just tough in Myrtle.Copy !req
248. I'm stressed out about April, Toby,
fucking Russian people.Copy !req
249. Oh, Doschenka-something?
I read all about hTrn.Copy !req
250. Flavor of the month.
We'll see where he is in 15 years.Copy !req
251. See, this is why you're
an awesome parent.Copy !req
252. It's because you're good at building me up,
and, like, making me feei good about myself.Copy !req
253. Unlike April,
the fucking runaway morn.Copy !req
254. Oh, now, it's a hard thing
to forgive, Tsn't it?Copy !req
255. I've still got a \ot of anger
toward Eddie too.Copy !req
256. But I'm trying to be better about it.Copy !req
257. No good lugging a lot of hate around.Copy !req
258. It will give you ass cancer.Copy !req
259. Yeah, ain't trying to fuck around
with cancer in my asshole or nothing.Copy !req
260. I'm more or less just kind of worried
about Toby.Copy !req
261. I mean, it does seem pretty important
to have a female lady person in their life.Copy !req
262. No, that doesn't matter.Copy !req
263. You're better off than a lot of folks.
You've got a nanny and everything.Copy !req
264. Yeah, well, that's—Copy !req
265. Little Toby, he's got a great life.Copy !req
266. - Don't you out me off now.
- No, no—Copy !req
267. To see you such a good dad,
I don't know where you learned it.Copy !req
268. Definitely not from Eddie.Copy !req
269. You make me so happy.Copy !req
270. Yeah, well...Copy !req
271. Okay, now, your turn.Copy !req
272. What'd you want to talk to me about?Copy !req
273. Nothing. Let's hit the sack, huh?
It's been a long day.Copy !req
274. We've been playing goddamn Pictionary,
smoking weed...Copy !req
275. - ... it's probably time to caH this a night.
- Yeah, goodnight, baby.Copy !req
276. Ivan! Ivan! Ivan!Copy !req
277. Ivan! Ivan! Ivan!Copy !req
278. Oh, I got her back. I got her
back, front, and side-to-side.Copy !req
279. Bullshit. There is no way
she fucking let you sleep with her.Copy !req
280. Yep. It almost didn't happen, though.Copy !req
281. I had to jerk myself off,
play with her pussy.Copy !req
282. But in the end, we got it on.Copy !req
283. Mission accomplished.Copy !req
284. Goodbye forever, son.Copy !req
285. Rats.Copy !req
286. Okay, what in the hell's going on in here?Copy !req
287. It's all right.
I caught these two trying to bolt...Copy !req
288. mafter Dad made love to you.Copy !req
289. Now he's running off
with your treasures and jewels.Copy !req
290. - Wait a minute. Made what?
- To make love to you.Copy !req
291. Oh, that Ts not true.Copy !req
292. No, he said that he jerked himself off,
and then—Copy !req
293. Wait, are you lying?Copy !req
294. Goddamn it, I demand to know the truth.Copy !req
295. All right. You want the truth? Fine.Copy !req
296. I came here to rob your mother.Copy !req
297. Does it make you fee\ good to know...Copy !req
298. that I lied to you
about fucking your mother?Copy !req
299. When, actually, I only got one of the best
blowjobs of my entire life.Copy !req
300. Oh, fuck this.
I'm going back to bed.Copy !req
301. We worked this one out together.
I came hereto be with you.Copy !req
302. - Oh, you did not.
- Open your eyes.Copy !req
303. He came hereto ditch the kid.Copy !req
304. No, I didn't. No.Copy !req
305. You take it back.
I know that's not true.Copy !req
306. Don't.Copy !req
307. Sorry, Tammy.Copy !req
308. Maybe in the next life.Copy !req
309. Just go on, get the heH out.Copy !req
310. Lights, Casper.Copy !req
311. I can barely see anything.Copy !req
312. There he is.Copy !req
313. I can't believe it, it's" I mean, for him to say
something like you came here...Copy !req
314. to get rid of your baby.Copy !req
315. That is so unforgivable.Copy !req
316. It's not true.
It couldn't possibly be true.Copy !req
317. IS it?Copy !req
318. to get rid of him.Copy !req
319. I was kind of envisioning it
as more of a loan program.Copy !req
320. It's just really, really super hard for me
to be the man there and also have a son.Copy !req
321. I mean, how can I fucking kick ass
all the time...Copy !req
322. if I gotta do all this
father shit constantly?“?Copy !req
323. I mean, I like Toby,
I think that he's awesome...Copy !req
324. but he is really fucking up my shit.
He's the whole entire reason...Copy !req
325. - ... why April left in the first place.
- Now that's enough of that garbage.Copy !req
326. My God.Copy !req
327. I am sorry that April hurt your ass...Copy !req
328. and I'm sorry that things
are tough with baseball.Copy !req
329. We all have hard times,
even champions.Copy !req
330. Son, the truth is, is that
someday baseball will end.Copy !req
331. And April may never come back.Copy !req
332. But Toby will always be your son.Copy !req
333. I've tried, Mom. And I can't.Copy !req
334. I can't do It.Copy !req
335. It's super hard to be Charles in Charge
when you're not fucking Scott Baio.Copy !req
336. Just go to bed.Copy !req
337. It's fine.Copy !req
338. I'll take Toby.Copy !req
339. I guess you'll be leaving in the morning.Copy !req
340. I mean, I could go to your tournament
if you still want me to—Copy !req
341. Oh, no, no, no. It's fine. It's fine.Copy !req
342. You got what you came here for.Copy !req
343. Don't hold this shit against me, okay?Copy !req
344. This is the only way.Copy !req
345. Take it easy, buddy.Copy !req
346. Guess it's just you and me.Copy !req
347. Two broken men.Copy !req
348. Fuck that.Copy !req
349. It's a glorious day
for redemption, Steven.Copy !req
350. What the fuck?Copy !req
351. What the heH are you doing here?Copy !req
352. Same as you, I guess.Copy !req
353. Both just tragic heroes
in the book of life.Copy !req
354. We're not so different,
you and I.Copy !req
355. That's bullshit.
I'm absolutely nothing Hke you.Copy !req
356. Reafly?Copy !req
357. You didn't leave your family and
then come here to get them back?Copy !req
358. Maybe that one thing
is slightly similar.Copy !req
359. - Let's go, Bobbi.
- Come on, Bobbi.Copy !req
360. Watch this, bitch.Copy !req
361. - I'm all up in your kitchen, bitch.
- Heh.Copy !req
362. It's the last frame.Copy !req
363. If you don't roil triple strikes,
the trophy is mine.Copy !req
364. Back up.Copy !req
365. - That's right.
- All right.Copy !req
366. Go girl.Copy !req
367. VIPs. Move it. Move it.Copy !req
368. Tammy Powers!Copy !req
369. - What?
- What?Copy !req
370. I want you to listen to me, please.Copy !req
371. It's me, Eddie.Copy !req
372. I've come back for you, darling.Copy !req
373. Morn, it's also me, Kenny.Copy !req
374. And I've come back
to reclaim my son.Copy !req
375. Get off the lanes,
you fucking idiots.Copy !req
376. - This is a championship game.
- Yeah.Copy !req
377. - Silence, ho.
- Shut up, bitch.Copy !req
378. I admit that walking out on you last night
and stealing your silverware...Copy !req
379. was almost unforgivable.Copy !req
380. And I a\so would like to admit...Copy !req
381. mthat leaving my son
in the care of my morn...Copy !req
382. due to high hevels of stress
Tn my baseball career...Copy !req
383. was also a very bad thing.Copy !req
384. Until today, I thought
that I was invincible.Copy !req
385. That a— A steady diet
of international trim...Copy !req
386. was all I needed
to survive and thrive.Copy !req
387. S01 blissfully banged away
half of Mexico.Copy !req
388. Until I realized
that I wasn't really happy.Copy !req
389. I was just trying to fill the Tammy-sized hole
in my heart...Copy !req
390. with the holes of ridiculously
beautiful prostitutes.Copy !req
391. And I also have thought;
that raising a child...Copy !req
392. is primarily woman's work.
And to be honest, I still do believe that shit.Copy !req
393. - It iS.
- No.Copy !req
394. No?Copy !req
395. If my madre is strong
enough to be a man...Copy !req
396. then Kenny Powers is certainly strong
enough to be a fucking woman.Copy !req
397. Tammy, for all the heartbreak
I have caused you...Copy !req
398. and I've caused some...Copy !req
399. l— I'm sorry...Copy !req
400. and I— I want you back. Forever.Copy !req
401. And I also want to tell you
that I am sorry.Copy !req
402. And I'd like back my son.Copy !req
403. Forever.Copy !req
404. Or at least until April returns!
to claim him.Copy !req
405. - We love you.
- We love you.Copy !req
406. It's true you both have hurt me deeply.Copy !req
407. But I'm no saint.Copy !req
408. And I have done my fair share
of fucked-up shit too.Copy !req
409. So it wouldn't be fair
to judge two men...Copy !req
410. who have either entered, Eddie,
or exited, Kenny...Copy !req
411. —mV vagina.Copy !req
412. But your speeches have shown me
that you really do care.Copy !req
413. And I accept your apologies.Copy !req
414. Yeah!Copy !req
415. - My son.
- Come on, baby.Copy !req
416. - Guess who's back, motherfucker?
- I said I forgive you. I never—Copy !req
417. I've been patient enough.Copy !req
418. And now, watch me bury this bozo.Copy !req
419. Yes!Copy !req
420. That's it, Tam.Copy !req
421. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!Copy !req
422. Go on, go on.Copy !req
423. The speech was good.Copy !req
424. Yeah, yours wasn't too bad, either.Copy !req
425. You get that from me, you know.Copy !req
426. Your throwing arm,
that's from your mama.Copy !req
427. But your orating skills,
that's all me.Copy !req
428. Yeah, well, I can definitely see
simHarities in our styles.Copy !req
429. Your bald head actually
doesn't look that bad.Copy !req
430. Oh, thank you. I like the hair
on your shoulders and your neck.Copy !req
431. Hey.Copy !req
432. Hold on, hold on.Copy !req
433. You're not taking my grandbaby
on that thing.Copy !req
434. How do you expect us
to get back to Myrtle?Copy !req
435. No. Not my grandbaby.
You take the minivan.Copy !req
436. - Oh, fuck no. I'm not driving the minivan.
- Oh, hell you are.Copy !req
437. Listen to your mom, son.Copy !req
438. Don't you tell me you're not.
You cannot take a baby...Copy !req
439. Chapter six.Copy !req
440. Fucking making straight-up
decisions now, dude.Copy !req
441. As my epic comeback
nears its zenith...Copy !req
442. I can't help but look back
at the low times...Copy !req
443. when there was no hope
or light.Copy !req
444. There's an old expression
that has guided me...Copy !req
445. “through the dark valleys
and hazy cul-de-sacs of life.Copy !req
446. "Nut up or sack up. "Copy !req
447. It means when life gets you all swirly
and though bridden...Copy !req
448. . . . shut it out.Copy !req
449. Let the two spherical sperm factories
underneath your dick take over.Copy !req
450. They don't think,
they don't get confused.Copy !req
451. They churn and attack.Copy !req
452. And in moments of doubt,
my default setting is always to attack.Copy !req
453. Whether it be a hitter, or an ump,
or a loved one who has stepped out of Hne.Copy !req