Eastbound & Down 2x4

Directed by Jody Hill

Ana de la Reguera as Vida • Eddie 'Piolin' Sotelo as Announcer • Efren Ramirez as Catuey • Marco Rodríguez as Roger Hernandez • Michael Peña as Mr. Cisneros

Though Charros fans respond to Kenny, he is warned by Roger about the perils of showboating. Kenny finds he has serious competition in his courtship of Vida. Stevie finds short-lived romance.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Chapter 10: Making the World Your Bitch.

2. Once again, I'm with the hottest chick in town.

3. Buying the most expensive fashions.

4. Dining in the fanciest food places.

5. Riding around on goddamn Jet Skis.

6. Raining trim.

7. Hallucinogens.

8. Jet Skis again.

9. Throwing heat.

10. And getting laid.

11. Did this tale end the way I thought it would?

12. Probably not. But as long as I win...

13. who gives a shit?

14. Boom! Look at that, huh?

15. Thank you for the fucking pill-os.

16. Kenny.

17. You got a minute?

18. Ooh...

19. What the hell is all this shit?

20. This is the wall of the immortals.

21. These men all did what you're trying to do and succeeded.

22. They played hard enough in Copales to get to play in America.

23. - I never heard of any of these motherfuckers. - Not even that amigo there?

24. Who the fuck is that, Pancho Villa? I don't know.

25. When he was 12, he pitched five no-hit innings in the Little League World Series.

26. Ooh, big deal. I did the same thing in the AAU.

27. Well, maybe for a right-hander, but this kid threw with both.

28. Wow. So homeboy was double-bagging it.

29. - Yup. - Props.

30. Then he got drafted by Minnesota. Made their team as a 19-year-old.

31. Playing ball like he always dreamed.

32. Then he started having too much fun with the girls, huh?

33. The drinks, speedballs.

34. Before he knew it, it was all gone.

35. - What's he up to now? - He watches the field...

36. and imagines that things turned out differently.

37. Mm-mm. No, thank you.

38. I don't like to hear depressing shit about no-name dickheads.

39. This shit's fucking up my vibe. Why you telling me this bullshit?

40. I admire the fact that you're trying to get back to the majors...

41. but you gotta stop prancing around and start playing ball.

42. "Prancing"? Roger, name one time when I've ever fucking pranced.

43. Kenny Powers doesn't prance.

44. If you wanna take it to the next step, then you need to get serious.

45. You fucking prance around here.

46. Playing for this team's not a joke.

47. Not to me, to the players, or to them.

48. I never said it was a joke. If you got something you wanna say, then just say it.

49. You can save us a lot of time with this fucking pointless history lesson...

50. in this goddamn creepy, unimpressive fucking hall.

51. I don't like it in here. It's gross.

52. Thanks for nothing.

53. Next song I wanna dedicate...

54. to a friend of mine, a very special friend.

55. Boyfriend. You mean boyfriend.

56. She means boyfriend, everybody. Me.

57. A friend of mine, La Flama Blanca.

58. Ooh, I love this song.

59. Does she know you don't wanna be called La Flama Blanca?

60. She can call me whatever she wants to, Stevie. Look at that brown caboose.

61. I wanna talk to you about something, but I don't want you to get mad.

62. I can already tell I don't like the sounds of this. Spill it.

63. Well, I have taken it upon myself to reopen the Eduardo Sanchez case.

64. Uh-uh. Nope. You were not authorized to do that. Shut it down.

65. I already told you. I found happiness.

66. I no longer seek the answers that Eduardo potentially holds.

67. Well, then I guess it doesn't matter that I have found him.

68. - Say what? - Mm-hm.

69. Well, not that I care, because I don't...

70. and you obviously should not have reopened the case...

71. but where is he?

72. He's in Hollywood, baby.

73. I did a little searching online and it turns out homeboy...

74. directed The Blair Witch Project.

75. - That's not him. - Are you sure?

76. Yeah, Stevie, I'm pretty sure the guy I'm looking for...

77. didn't direct the fucking Blair Witch Project.

78. Just forget you ever heard the name Eduardo Sanchez.

79. Forget that he supposedly lives in a village near here.

80. Forget that he is not Mexican, but a gringo.

81. Eduardo Sanchez is a white man that lives near here?

82. Stop digging for clues, Stevie.

83. Finding Eduardo Sanchez is the last thing I care about.

84. All I care about is this big brown ass right in front of me.

85. I wish I was your dick, man.

86. That's your dick butt-fucking her, man.

87. Oh. Hey, Maria.

88. Let me help you.

89. Maria.

90. I just... I want to apologize to you...

91. in case I've been aggressive in any of my actions towards you.

92. I just been walking around in Kenny's shoes for so long now...

93. that I'm starting to become exactly like him...

94. which is awesome and super badass.

95. I just... I hope I haven't intimidated you with my alpha-ness.

96. Maria, don't.

97. I was just trying to connect with you.

98. Oh.

99. Wow. Wow. Wow.

100. This neighborhood is unbelievable.

101. Right? It's almost like we're not even in Mexico.

102. Imagine if I really did become a huge singer...

103. and Tony and I could afford a place here.

104. Imagine if all three of us could. That's why I booked you this studio time.

105. With the right man guiding you, all your dreams could come true.

106. Yay!

107. Wow, this is so professional.

108. This used to be my parents' bedroom and now it's a recording studio.

109. It's really cool. It's got everything you need to make an album.

110. It's got Pro Tools with two Farm cards...

111. autotone monitors with DBX compressors.

112. This is my sound tech, Estrella. How are you, man? Shh.

113. It's okay. And right here we have two booths.

114. It's got everything you need, you know, like computers, candles. Mm.

115. Oh, it's... It's wonderful.

116. Thank you so much, Sebastian. Thank you.

117. - You're welcome. - And thank me too.

118. So listen, is there anything that I could...? I can hear or listen to that...?

119. I have some sketches. I was working on something the other night, but...

120. Do it. You should unleash on him.

121. - Show him what you're working with. - Okay, well...

122. so here I go.

123. I'm lying here Watching the stars

124. Wishing I was very far from here

125. He's lying next to me And he's fast asleep

126. If he could only disappear

127. Mm.

128. Oh, God, I feel so alone here

129. I wanna be free

130. I wanna be by myself By myself, by myself

131. Mm-hm.

132. I wanna be by myself By myself, by myself

133. That's it, that's it, that's it.

134. I don't even would need to hear nothing else. That's the single.

135. We should hear other things. Maybe a song about how a new dude's in your life...

136. and turned your life around.

137. No, man, that's gonna pop off the speakers. That right there.

138. Can we just try? Can we...? Does it hurt to try?

139. That might be what you're responding to is the tempo and shit, but it's more like:

140. Be with someone Who's changing your life

141. And of course your son's too

142. You know, something that's more in that vein.

143. Okay. Um, I'll try it. I'll try it.

144. Um... Okay, it's... Okay.

145. I wanna try with someone

146. Make my life...

147. Better

148. I wanna be with someone That change my life

149. With my son for the better

150. It kind of pops. It kind of pops. That has a pop.

151. The wording is a little off.

152. See, the other one made me happy.

153. I'm not trying to be the one who doesn't like it...

154. - ... because I know... - So you like it?

155. But I don't like it. But if you guys like it, then let's go with this one.

156. Maybe it'll end up being a B-side.

157. - Okay. - Who knows?

158. Come see Kenny-fucking-Powers...

159. tonight at Charros Stadium.

160. He's the Hombre Negro, not the White Flame.

161. He's not scary like the negros in America...

162. unless you're the competition...

163. then he'll strike you out and shit all over your face.

164. Come worship the big-dick American at Charros Stadium.

165. And hopefully he'll impregnate all the women here...

166. so we will have a new generation of Kenny Powerses.

167. And now, making his way to the stadium...

168. I have a note here,

169. that I should now refer to him as

170. The Man in Black.

171. To hell with the note.

172. It's THE WHITE FLAME!

173. What?

174. - They're ready for you. - Hm.

175. Make them wait.

176. But I think they're really, really ready.

177. I said, make them wait.

178. It's good for them.

179. I'm good. Let's do this shit.

180. Son of a bitch.

181. Come on, get on your fucking feet. I see you.

182. Who wants beer? Ha-ha-ha.

183. You're Mexican. You all want fucking beer. Ha-ha-ha.

184. Yeah, that's right. Let's get your asses up.

185. Cheer for me, people. Come on, now.

186. What the fuck are you doing, Kenny?

187. - Man, come on, I'm just having some fun. - Get that jackass off the field.

188. They fucking love this, man.

189. I'm out? He wants me out.

190. He wants me out.

191. You're costing us a game, man.

192. They don't like a show in Mexico, huh?

193. You guys like a fucking show, huh?

194. Fuck you. You poor sport.

195. Take a beer and shut the fuck up.

196. I'm laying here

197. Watching the stars

198. Wishing I was very far from here

199. He's laying next to me And he's fast asleep

200. If he would only disappear

201. I wanna be by myself By myself, by myself

202. I wanna be

203. By myself, by myself, by myself

204. I wanna be by myself By myself, by myself

205. Sebastian, could you lower that high-hat a little bit?

206. - High-hat. Down a little. - I thought it sounded good.

207. It's overpowering the hook so let's just drop it a few dBs please. Thank you.

208. He wants to ride me And control me

209. Mm. Maybe just a smidge lower. Just...

210. He's Mr. Big Top But I don't care

211. Mm. Maybe just a little lower.

212. I am known As a passionate woman

213. Mm. That's perfect. Let's lock that into the memory bank.

214. Oh, yeah, it's perfect?

215. It sounds like half the band fucking quit. Ha, ha.

216. What are you laughing at, Estrella?

217. It's not funny to bury Vida's wonderful vocals under your weak-ass samples.

218. Oh. Oh, oh, oh.

219. I think Sebastian has very good samples. You should trust him a bit more.

220. Why you trying to make me out like I'm Eric Roberts in Star 80?

221. I'm not the one who's fucking possessed. I'm trying to make a good album.

222. - I don't even know who Eric Roberts is. - Yeah, of course you don't.

223. Fucking Best of the Best, you asshole.

224. - What? - Um, can I talk to you outside?

225. Don't mess with my presets, all right? I will check them.

226. - What are you doing in there? - What?

227. - I'm trying to make the album better. - You can't yell at Sebastian like that.

228. He's doing us a huge favor and doing it for free.

229. I see the problem. It's a classic case of me believing in you...

230. more than you're believing in you.

231. Trust your producer. With your talent and my connections...

232. there is no reason this can't go to number one.

233. Then everybody will know Kenny Powers' new girlfriend is a huge pop star.

234. This is just going too fast. Um, Kenny...

235. Shit!

236. I just figured out exactly what the track's missing. Hold up.

237. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

238. Fucking remix.

239. Kenny Powers' girlfriend.

240. Kenny Powers' girlfriend's song.

241. I like to butt fuck fine ladies.

242. Will I chokehold a bitch? Well, maybe.

243. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

244. What the fuck?

245. No!

246. I need a personal conference with His Majesty. Please exit-o, "assistiante."

247. - What are you doing? This is my office. - What do you think you're doing?

248. - Why am I not playing? - I told you if you wanted to play...

249. you were gonna have to get serious. You chose to ride a donkey instead.

250. Roger, the donkey brought the whole house down.

251. Excuse me for giving the fans what they're asking for.

252. Kenny, I was rooting for you.

253. I was hoping you'd turn things around, but at your core, you don't give a shit.

254. That's where you're wrong. I give a shit.

255. How the fuck do you expect me to make a comeback...

256. from the goddamn bench? - By learning, by practicing.

257. Not by shucking and jiving all over the field.

258. You racist motherfucker.

259. Racist? What...? What are you talking about?

260. Showing this jive-turkey shit to me?

261. You gonna talk this jive-turkey shit?

262. Racism, Roger. You wanna sit me out, then fine.

263. But all I'm saying is you better get the fucking riot gear because you, my friend...

264. have invited a motherfucking revolution.

265. Revolution?

266. Fucking believe it.

267. Hey, Kenny. Hey, Kenny, where are you going?

268. Goddamn.

269. Hey, hit me up with the ball.

270. Yeah.

271. Goddamn.

272. Your mom's really staying out late tonight, huh?

273. She stays out past this time every night.

274. "Till the break of dawn" style? Yeah, I hear you.

275. But I bet she doesn't do that too much now though, huh, since I'm around.

276. She did it last night.

277. - Last night? - Yeah.

278. - She was at the studio. - Nuh-uh. Not on my watch.

279. No work is done at the studio when I'm not there.

280. Well, she was there last night.

281. Hm.

282. Here we are.

283. All right, Tony. If we're about to walk in on what I think...

284. I'm about to show you how not to have a creative collaboration.

285. I hope Sebastian hasn't talked your mom out of giving me that executive-producer credit.

286. Oh, my God. So unprofessional.

287. Unbelievable.

288. Oh, shit! Fuck!

289. - What the fuck, Vida? - Close the door, Kenny!

290. Why, Sebastian? So you can finish eating her pussy?

291. Oh, Vida. Why would you do this to me?

292. I thought you were the whore with a heart of gold.

293. Instead you're a whore with a regular old whore's heart.

294. You don't understand, Kenny. I need Vida, man.

295. She can fix me.

296. Oh, yeah? See if she can fix this.

297. There he is.

298. No! No!

299. You wanna be by yourself?

300. You wanna be fucking by yourself?

301. By your fucking self!

302. No! No!

303. Put that down! No!

304. Shit! Goddamn it.

305. Oh, my God!

306. What, am I the only person not fucking something tonight?

307. - What the fuck, Stevie? - Why didn't you knock?

308. Why am I gonna knock? This is my house.

309. Because there was a towel on the door...

310. and that's the international symbol that someone's getting laid...

311. and that was me, dog. - "Me, dog!"

312. Who the fuck told you to get laid, Stevie?

313. You're on the clock, man. You're on a very important mission...

314. and you're fucking around.

315. - Well, I didn't... - Out, go.

316. - Sorry, leave. - Maria, will you go wait outside?

317. Go, scamper.

318. - You can go. It's okay. Exit-o the fucking house-o now.

319. What is she, your girlfriend or something?

320. Well, yeah. Kind of.

321. Nope, nope, nope.

322. She's not your girlfriend. Break up with her.

323. Are you kidding?

324. Stevie, you're on black ops. There are no girlfriends in black ops.

325. Aren't you dating Vida?

326. No, I'm not. I dumped her. If I had the strength to dump Vida...

327. then you sure as hell have the strength to dump Maria's stupid ass.

328. Kenny, I will break up with her if you want...

329. because that is how much you mean to me...

330. but please don't make me do this, okay?

331. I am begging you.

332. That is my first fucking girlfriend.

333. So fucking please.

334. I can't allow that wish. I'm sorry. Dump the bitch.

335. Dump the bitch.

336. Maria?

337. Maria.

338. Ow.

339. Maria.

340. Who ordered the whore?

341. Hoo-hoo! Pizza and pussy!

342. - Who's winning? Oh, we are. - Hey, Kenny.

343. - Big surprise. Roger. - Where are you going?

344. - You don't have to do this. Stay back. - Coming to party.

345. - Get the fuck off me, Roger. Hey! - Come on.

346. - Kenny, you don't have to do this. - They want this, Roger. Yeah!

347. - Let's talk about this, okay? - Whoo!

348. Let's talk about this. Come on, Kenny.

349. Quiet, Roger.

350. - Whoo! U.S. A! - Kenny!

351. What up?

352. Get the fuck out of here, man.

353. Hey, everybody!

354. It's your favorite American!

355. Whoo! Yeah!

356. I got something for you.

357. I'm about to pop out a baby.

358. Oh! Oh! Oh!

359. Oh, it's a soccer ball! Hey!

360. You don't have to do this, Kenny. Come on.

361. Who likes fucking soccer?

362. Come on, Kenny. Take it off the field.

363. I don't like soccer at all.

364. Give me that mitt. Let me shoot something else.

365. Oh, here we go.

366. You wanna say something? Don't think so.

367. - Hey, back up. - Put it down, Kenny.

368. Fucking back up.

369. You think I'm gonna hurt... Get the fuck back.

370. I'm not gonna hurt anybody.

371. I'm just fucking playing around.

372. I'm doing a little fucking dance show.

373. No, this is for the fans, man.

374. This is for the fans. Whoo! For the fans.

375. Whoo!

376. She got it. She got it.

377. Whoo. Give me that, motherfucker. Whoo.

378. - Hey, Kenny. Kenny. - Whoo!

379. Come on, Kenny.

380. I quit, Roger!

381. I fucking quit!

382. Take it easy. Take it easy.

383. Oh, hey, brother, you don't look so good, man.

384. I can't believe I opened up my heart to that bitch.

385. Opened it wide up.

386. And she just squatted with that big, beautiful booty...

387. and dumped all over it.

388. I'm sorry to hear that, brother.

389. Yeah, me too.

390. You'll meet another girl, my friend.

391. But what if I don't, Catuey?

392. Kenny?

393. - I need to talk to you. - I'm having an emotional crisis right now.

394. I don't wanna talk to you about your girlfriend.

395. I found Eduardo Sanchez.

396. Bullshit.

397. He's 100 miles east of here in a town called Pachuce.

398. He's the only gringo around with that name.

399. Maybe it's time to find out.

400. Is that him?

401. I can't tell.

402. Excuse me?

403. Sir?

404. Are you Eduardo Sanchez?

405. Depends on who's asking.

406. Well, hello, Kenny.

407. Hello, Pop.