Eastbound & Down 2x4

Directed by Jody Hill

Ana de la Reguera as Vida • Eddie 'Piolin' Sotelo as Announcer • Efren Ramirez as Catuey • Marco Rodríguez as Roger Hernandez • Michael Peña as Mr. Cisneros

Though Charros fans respond to Kenny, he is warned by Roger about the perils of showboating. Kenny finds he has serious competition in his courtship of Vida. Stevie finds short-lived romance.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Shit!

2. Care for an autograph?

3. That's me and you, Saturday night.

4. We found Eduardo Sanchez.

5. Who is Eduardo Sanchez?

6. He's a mystery best left for another day.

7. Maria, my sister-in-law, she's available.

8. She is?

9. I have feelings for your mom.

10. I'm ready to commit to the both of you.

11. Hey, Kenny! Nobody gives a shit for you.

12. What are you doing?

13. Finally, motherfuckers! Finally!

14. Whoo!

15. Chapter 10: Making the world your bitch.

16. Once again, I'm with the hottest chick in town.

17. Buying the most expensive fashions.

18. Dining in the fanciest food places.

19. Riding around on goddamn jet skis.

20. Raining trim.

21. Hallucinogens.

22. jet skis again.

23. Throwing heat.

24. And gettin' laid.

25. La flama blanca!

26. Did this tale end the way I thought it would?

27. Probably not.

28. But as long as I win,

29. who gives a shit?

30. boom! Look at that, huh?

31. Gracias, mis amigos.

32. Thank you for fucking pill-os.

33. Kenny.

34. You got a minute?

35. What the hell is all this shit?

36. This is the wall of the immortals.

37. These men have all done what you are trying to do and succeeded.

38. They played hard enough in copales to get to America.

39. I never heard of any of these motherfuckers.

40. Not even that amigo there?

41. Who e fuck is that, pancho villa? I don't know.

42. When he was 12 years old, he pitched five no-hit innings

43. in the little league world series.

44. Ooh. Big deal. I did the same thing in the aau.

45. Well, maybe for a right hander, but this kid threw with both.

46. Wow, so homeboy was double banging it.

47. Yep. Props.

48. Then he got drafted by Minnesota.

49. Made the team as a 19-year-old.

50. Playing ball like he'd always dreamed.

51. Then he started having too much fun with the girls, huh?

52. The drinks, speed balls.

53. Before he knew it, it was all gone.

54. What's he up to now?

55. He watches the field,

56. imagines that things turned out differently.

57. Mm-mm. No thank you.

58. I don't like to hear depressing shit about no-name dickheads.

59. This shit's fucking up my vibe.

60. Why you telling me all this bullshit?

61. You know, Kenny, I admire the fact

62. that you're trying to get back to the majors,

63. but you gotta stop prancing around and start playing ball.

64. Prancing? Roger, name one time when I've ever fucking pranced.

65. Kenny powers doesn't prance.

66. Look, if you want to take it to the next step,

67. then you need to get serious.

68. You fucking prance around here.

69. Playing for this team's not a joke.

70. Not to me, to the players, or to them.

71. I don't think it's a joke. I never said it was a joke.

72. If you got something you wanna say then just say it.

73. You can save us a lot of time

74. with this fucking pointless history lesson

75. in this goddamn creepy unimpressive fucking hall.

76. I don't like it in here. It's gross

77. thanks for nothing.

78. Gracias, gracias.

79. Next song I wanna dedicate

80. to a friend of mine, a very special friend.

81. Boyfriend. You mean boyfriend.

82. She means boyfriend, everybody. Me.

83. A friend of mine, la flama blanca.

84. Ooh, I love this song.

85. Does she know you don't wanna be called la flama blanca?

86. She can call me whatever she wants, Stevie.

87. - Look at that brown caboose. - Ooh.

88. I wanna talk to you about something,

89. but I don't want you to get mad.

90. I can already tell I don't like the sounds of this.

91. Spill it. Well,

92. I have taken it upon myself to reopen the Eduardo Sanchez case.

93. Uh-uh. Nope.

94. You are not authorized to do that. Shut it down.

95. I already told you. I found happiness.

96. I no longer seek the answers that Eduardo potentially holds.

97. Well, then I guess it doesn't matter that I have found him.

98. Say what? Mm-hm.

99. Well, not that I care, because I don't,

100. and you obviously should not have reopened the case,

101. but where is he?

102. He's in Hollywood, baby.

103. I did a little searching online and it turns out homeboy

104. directed the Blair witch project.

105. Heh. That's not him.

106. Are you sure?

107. Yeah, I'm pretty sure the guy I'm looking for

108. didn't direct the fucking Blair witch project.

109. Just forget you ever heard the name Eduardo Sanchez.

110. Forget that he supposedly lives in a village near here.

111. Forget that he is not Mexican, but a gringo.

112. Eduardo Sanchez is a white man that lives near here?

113. Stop digging for clues, Stevie.

114. Finding Eduardo Sanchez is the last thing I care about.

115. All I care about is this big brown ass right in front of me.

116. I wish I was your dick, man.

117. That's your dick butt-fucking her, man.

118. Oh. Hey, Maria.

119. Entre. Entre.

120. Let me help you.

121. Maria,

122. I just, I want to apologize to you

123. in case I've been aggressive in any of my actions towards you.

124. I just been walking around in Kenny's shoes for so long now

125. that I'm starting to become exactly like him,

126. which is awesome and super badass.

127. I just, I hope I haven't intimidated you

128. with my alpha-ness.

129. Maria, don't.

130. I was just trying to connect with you.

131. Oh.

132. Wow!

133. Wow. This neighborhood is unbelievable.

134. Right? It's almost like we're not even in Mexico.

135. Imagine if I really did become a huge singer

136. and Tony and I could afford a place here.

137. Imagine if all three of us could.

138. That's why I booked you this studio time.

139. With the right man guiding you all your dreams can come true.

140. Yay!

141. Wow, this is so pro.

142. Yeah, this, uh, used to be my parents' bedroom

143. and now it's a recording studio. It's really cool.

144. It's got everything you need to make an album.

145. It's got pro tools with two farm cards,

146. autotone monitors with dbx compressors.

147. This is my sound tech, estrella.

148. How are you, man?

149. Shh. It's okay.

150. And right here we have, uh, two booths.

151. It's got everything you need, you know,

152. like computers, candles.

153. Oh, it's... it's wonderful.

154. Thank you so much, Sebastian.

155. You're welcome.

156. And thank me too. Heh.

157. So listen, is there anything that I could, uh...

158. I can hear or listen to that, uh...

159. Uh, I have some sketches.

160. I was working on something the other night, but...

161. Do it. You should unleash on him.

162. Show him what you're working with.

163. Okay, well, so here I go.

164. mm.

165. that's it. That's it. That's it.

166. I don't even would need to hear nothing else.

167. That's the single right there.

168. Maybe we should hear a few other things.

169. Maybe a song about how a new dude's in your life

170. and turned your life around. Maybe something like that.

171. No, that's gonna pop off the speakers. That right there.

172. Can we just try? Can we, does it hurt to try?

173. That might be what you're responding to

174. is kind of the tempo and shit, but it's more like:

175. you know, like something that's more in that vein.

176. Okay. Um, I'll try it. I'll try it.

177. Um, okay, it's... okay.

178. mm-hm.

179. it kind of pops. It kind of pops. That has a pop.

180. The wording is a little off.

181. See, the other one made me happy.

182. I'm not trying to be the one who doesn't like the song,

183. - because I know this is... - So you like it?

184. But I don't like it. But if you guys like it

185. then let's go with this one.

186. Who knows? Maybe it'll end up being a b-side.

187. Okay. Who knows?

188. Come see Kenny fucking powers

189. tonight at charros stadium.

190. He's the hombre negro, not the white flame.

191. He's not scary like the Negroes in America,

192. unless you're the competition,

193. then he'll strike you out and shit all over your face.

194. Come worship the big dick American at charros stadium.

195. And hopefully he'll impregnate all the women here

196. so we will have a new generation of Kenny Powerses.

197. Señor?

198. What?

199. They're ready for you.

200. Make 'em wait.

201. But I think they're really, really ready.

202. I said, make 'em wait.

203. It's good for 'em.

204. I'm good. Let's do this shit.

205. La flama blanca!

206. La flama blanca.

207. La flama blanca! La flama blanca!

208. La flama blanca!

209. Son of a bitch.

210. Come on, get on your fucking feet.

211. I see you.

212. Who wants beer? Ha-ha-ha!

213. You're Mexican. You all want fucking beer.

214. Yeah, that's right.

215. Let's get your asses up.

216. Cheer for me, people. Come on, now.

217. What the fuck are you doing, Kenny?

218. Man, come on, I'm just having some fun.

219. Get that jackass off the field.

220. They fucking love this, man.

221. I'm out?

222. He wants me out.

223. He wants me out.

224. You're costing us a game, man.

225. They don't like a show in Mexico, huh?

226. You guys like a fucking show, huh?

227. Fuck you. You poor sport.

228. Take a beer and shut the fuck up.

229. Sebastian, can you lower that high-hat a little bit?

230. High-hat. Down. A little.

231. I thought it sounded pretty good.

232. It's overpowering the hook so let's just drop it

233. a few dbs please. Thank you.

234. maybe just a smidgen lower. Just...

235. mm. Maybe just a little lower.

236. mm. That's perfect. Let's lock that into the memory bank.

237. Oh, yeah, it's perfect?

238. It sounds like half the band fucking quit.

239. What the fuck are you laughing at, estrella?

240. It's not funny to bury vida's wonderful vocals

241. under your weak-ass samples, Sebastian.

242. I think Sebastian has very good samples.

243. I think you should trust him a bit more.

244. Why are you all trying to make me out

245. like I'm Eric Roberts in star 80?

246. I'm not the one who's fucking possessed here.

247. I'm trying to make a good album.

248. I don't even know who fucking Eric Roberts is.

249. Yeah, of course you don't.

250. Fucking best of the best, you asshole.

251. What?

252. Um, can I talk to you outside?

253. Don't mess with my presets, all right? I will check them.

254. What are you doing in there? What are you talking about?

255. I'm trying to make the album better.

256. You can't yell at Sebastian like that.

257. He's doing us a huge favor and he's doing it for free.

258. I see what the problem is here.

259. It's a classic case of me believing in you

260. more than you're believing in you.

261. You gotta trust your producer.

262. With your talent and my connections,

263. there is no reason in the world why this can't go to number one.

264. Then everybody will know

265. that Kenny powers' new girlfriend is a huge pop star.

266. This is just going too fast.

267. Um, Kenny...

268. Shit!

269. I just figured out exactly what the track's missing. Hold up.

270. Mm-hm, mm-hm.

271. Fucking remix.

272. Fucking remix.

273. Kenny powers' girlfriend.

274. Kenny powers' girlfriend's song.

275. I like to butt-fuck fine ladies.

276. Will I choke hold a bitch? Well, maybe.

277. Mm-hm, mm-hm.

278. What the fuck?

279. No!

280. I need a personal conference with his majesty.

281. Please exito, assistante. Go.

282. What do you think you're doing? This is my office.

283. What the do you think you're doing?

284. Why am I not playing? I told you if you wanted to play

285. you were gonna have to get serious.

286. You chose to ride a donkey instead.

287. Roger, the donkey brought the whole fucking house down.

288. Excuse me for fucking giving the fans what they're asking for.

289. Kenny, I was rooting for you.

290. I was hoping you were gonna turn things around

291. but at your core, you don't give a shit.

292. That's where you're wrong because I do give a shit.

293. I mean, how the fuck do you expect me to make a comeback

294. from the goddamn bench? By learning, by practicing.

295. Not by shucking and jiving all over the goddamn field.

296. You racist motherfucker.

297. Racist! What...? What are you talking about?

298. Showing this jive turkey shit to me!

299. You gonna talk this jive turkey shit to me!

300. Racism, Roger.

301. You wanna sit me out, then fine.

302. But all I'm saying is you better get the fucking riot gear

303. because you, my friend, have invited

304. a motherfucking revolution.

305. Revolution?

306. Fucking believe it.

307. Hey, Kenny.

308. Hey, Kenny, where you going?

309. Hey, hit me up with the ball.

310. Yeah.

311. Goddamn.

312. You mom's really staying out late tonight, huh?

313. She stays out past this time every night.

314. Till the break of dawn style. Yeah, I hear you.

315. But I bet she doesn't do that too much now, though, huh,

316. since I'm around?

317. She did it last night.

318. Last night? Yeah.

319. She was at the studio.

320. Uh-uh. Not on my watch.

321. No work is done at the studio when I'm not there.

322. Well, she was there last night.

323. Hm.

324. Here we are.

325. All right, Tony.

326. If we're about to walk in on what I think,

327. I'm about to show you how not to have a creative collaboration.

328. I just hope Sebastian hasn't talked your mom out of

329. giving me that goddamn executive producer credit.

330. Oh my, God. So unprofessional.

331. Unbelievable.

332. Oh, shit! Fuck!

333. What the fuck, vida? Close the door, Kenny!

334. Why, Sebastian? So you can finish eating her pussy?

335. Oh, vida. Why would you do this to me?

336. I thought you were the whore with the heart of gold.

337. Instead you're just a whore with a regular old whore's heart.

338. You don't understand, Kenny.

339. I need vida, man.

340. She can fix me.

341. Oh, yeah? See if she can fix this.

342. There he is.

343. No! No!

344. you wanna be by yourself?

345. You wanna be fucking by yourself?

346. by your fucking self!

347. put that down! No!

348. shit! Goddamn it!

349. Oh, my God!

350. What, am I the only person not fucking something tonight?

351. Ugh. What the fuck, Stevie?

352. Why didn't you knock?

353. Why the fuck am I gonna knock? This is my house.

354. Because there was a towel on the door

355. and that's the international symbol

356. that someone's getting laid and that was me, dawg.

357. "Me, dawg!"

358. Who the fuck told you to get laid, Stevie?

359. You're on the clock, man.

360. You're on a very important mission.

361. You're fucking around.

362. Well, I didn't... Out, go!

363. Sorry, leave.

364. Maria, will you go wait outside?

365. Go. Scamper. Adios. Andale. Andale.

366. You can go. It's okay. Exito the fucking houseo now.

367. What is she, your girlfriend or something, man?

368. Well, yeah. Kind of.

369. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

370. She's not her girlfriend. Break up with her.

371. Are you kidding?

372. Stevie, you're on fucking black ops.

373. There are no girlfriends in black ops.

374. Aren't you dating vida?

375. No, I'm not. I dumped her.

376. And if I had the strength to dump vida then you sure as hell

377. have the strength to dump Maria's stupid ass.

378. Kenny,

379. I will break up with her if you want

380. because that is how much you mean to me,

381. but please don't make me do this, okay?

382. I am begging you.

383. That is my first fucking girlfriend.

384. So fucking please.

385. I can't allow that wish. I'm sorry. Dump the bitch.

386. Dump the bitch.

387. Maria?

388. Maria.

389. Ow! Maria...

390. Maria.

391. Who ordered the whore? Hoo-hoo!

392. Pizza and pussy!

393. Who's winning? Oh, we are.

394. That's a big surprise. Where are you going?

395. Roger, shh! You don't have to do this.

396. Coming to party. Stay back here.

397. Get the fuck off me, Roger.

398. Hey!

399. Kenny, you don't have to do this.

400. They want this, Roger. Yeah!

401. Let's talk about it.

402. Let's talk about this. Come on, Kenny.

403. Quiet, Roger.

404. Kenny!

405. U.S.A.!

406. What up?

407. Get the fuck out of here, man.

408. Hey, everybody!

409. It's your favorite American!

410. Yeah!

411. I got something for you.

412. I'm about to pop out a baby.

413. Oh, it's a soccer ball! Hey!

414. You don't have to do this, Kenny. Come on.

415. Who likes fucking soccer?

416. Come on, Kenny. Take it off the field.

417. I don't like soccer at all.

418. Come on, give me that mitt. Let me shoot something else.

419. Oh, here we go.

420. You wanna say something?

421. Don't think so.

422. Hey, back up.

423. Put it down, Kenny.

424. Fucking, back up.

425. You think I'm gonna hurt... Get the fuck back.

426. I'm not gonna hurt anybody.

427. I'm just fucking playing around.

428. I'm doing a little fucking dance show.

429. No, this is for the fans, man.

430. This is for the fa. Whoo! For the fans.

431. She got it. She got it.

432. Whoo!

433. Hey, Kenny.

434. Come on, Kenny.

435. I quit, Roger!

436. I fucking quit!

437. Take it easy. Take it easy.

438. Hey, brother, you don't look so good, man.

439. Can't believe I opened up my heart to that bitch.

440. Opened it wide up.

441. She just squatted with that big beautiful booty

442. and dumped all over it.

443. I'm sorry to hear that, brother.

444. Yeah, me too.

445. You'll meet another girl, my friend.

446. But what if I don't, Catuey?

447. Kenny?

448. I need to talk to you.

449. Stevie, I'm having an emotional crisis right now.

450. I don't wanna talk to you about your stupid girlfriend.

451. I found Eduardo Sanchez.

452. Bullshit.

453. He's a hundred miles east of here in a town called pachuce.

454. He's the only gringo around with that name.

455. Quien es Eduardo?

456. Maybe it's time to find out.

457. Is that him?

458. I can't tell.

459. Excuse me.

460. Excuse me.

461. Sir?

462. Are you Eduardo Sanchez?

463. Depends on who's asking.

464. Well, hello, Kenny.

465. Hello, pop.