1. Oh, God.Copy !req
2. - Oh, God.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
3. - Look at me, Mom. Look at me, Mom.
- Oh, yeah. Get it Daddy.Copy !req
4. - I feel like I could go all fucking night.
- But you only paid for an hour, baby.Copy !req
5. Oh, right. No, but if I had
paid for more, then I could...Copy !req
6. - Oh! Oh, God.
- Let it all out.Copy !req
7. Get a good return on that dollar.Copy !req
8. - That's it. Go on, get it.
- Oh, God.Copy !req
9. You know, I didn't even know
you ho's took credit cards until recently.Copy !req
10. Well, baby, some do and some don't.Copy !req
11. The good ones do though.Copy !req
12. Do you remember servicing this man?Copy !req
13. Oh, maybe. Who is he?Copy !req
14. He's just an old friend
that I've been looking for.Copy !req
15. Oh, so you wanted to fuck me
because your friend fucked me?Copy !req
16. Nope, I wanted to walk a mile
in his shoes.Copy !req
17. And today's shoes just happened to be
a big old pair of comfy black boots.Copy !req
18. - Bitch, don't call me no boots.
- Can I ask you another question?Copy !req
19. How was he?Copy !req
20. Oh, so you wanna know
if he was better than you?Copy !req
21. No, I just wanna know what he was like.Copy !req
22. That motherfucker was an animal.Copy !req
23. Chapter Eight: Joining the new team.Copy !req
24. Over the course of my career,
I played on many different teams.Copy !req
25. Some I liked,
and some I really fucking hated.Copy !req
26. I'm not mentioning any names, but let's just
say Seattle can tongue-kiss my shit hole.Copy !req
27. The best way to get a new team on your
side is to trash the last team you played for.Copy !req
28. Talk shit about how their fans suck
and their women have pancake titties.Copy !req
29. And if that doesn't work,
then just like prison...Copy !req
30. you pick the biggest,
baddest dude on the team...Copy !req
31. and you kick him in his fucking teeth.Copy !req
32. - Boom! That's right. Strike out.
- Yeah, good.Copy !req
33. Hey, buddy, don't beat yourself up.Copy !req
34. You pretty much had the whole
entire force of God coming at you.Copy !req
35. How fast was that?
Felt like about 100.Copy !req
36. - Last one was 90.
- Oh, no shit.Copy !req
37. Maybe you should get your radar gun
recalibrated. Maybe.Copy !req
38. Maybe you should ice that shoulder.Copy !req
39. It's been a while.Copy !req
40. Stay focused,
and you're gonna do just fine.Copy !req
41. That's real cute, Roger, but you can save
your pep talk for somebody who needs it.Copy !req
42. I got this comeback locked down tight
like a little girl's tuna.Copy !req
43. Well, we'll see about that, huh?Copy !req
44. This is totally locked down tight
like a girl's private parts, who's small.Copy !req
45. Locker-room talk, baby.Copy !req
46. Mr. Powers. Petrus Marcos.Copy !req
47. What the hell you doing
trying to creep on me?Copy !req
48. I work for Mr. Cisneros, the owner
of the Charros, your new boss.Copy !req
49. - He would like to meet you.
- Well, where the fuck is he?Copy !req
50. Follow me.Copy !req
51. You luring me into a rape
or something? What is this?Copy !req
52. Not bad.
This is one hell of a pussy palace, huh?Copy !req
53. Lot of marbles and architectures and shit.Copy !req
54. Flying buttresses.Copy !req
55. A lot of original artworks.
Very impressive.Copy !req
56. Mr. Cisneros is training
with his sensei.Copy !req
57. Sensei?Copy !req
58. - Kenny Powers is here.
- Okay.Copy !req
59. That will be it for today. Kenny Powers.Copy !req
60. - Man, it's a pleasure to meet you, man.
- Hey, good to meet you too, man.Copy !req
61. That's a nice sword. I didn't even know
Asian dudes lived in Mexico...Copy !req
62. and you got one training you
to be a ninja. Impressive.Copy !req
63. Oh, no, no, no. He's not from Mexico.Copy !req
64. I fly him from Tokyo, man.
Straight from the tap.Copy !req
65. Oh, high roller, huh?
Goddamn, look at that view.Copy !req
66. Seeing this house, your fine sword and
hearing how you're importing Chinamen...Copy !req
67. let me guess, you must be fucking rich.
- Yeah.Copy !req
68. - Ha-ha-ha.
- Ha, ha. It's cool.Copy !req
69. How much exactly does it cost
to buy a Mexican baseball team?Copy !req
70. Ten bucks and a burrito?Copy !req
71. That's racism, man.
I love to racism, bro.Copy !req
72. I could tell by the look in your face...Copy !req
73. you didn't think there was
any rich people in Mexico.Copy !req
74. I definitely didn't think there was
anybody with any money down here.Copy !req
75. You seem pretty young, vato.
How'd you snag all this loot?Copy !req
76. Well, uh, my parents died
in, like, a plane crash...Copy !req
77. and, you know, my pappy,
he died right away...Copy !req
78. but my mommy, she lingered...Copy !req
79. so it was a tough decision, man,
but I had to pull the plug.Copy !req
80. I killed my mother. It's okay.Copy !req
81. That's pretty heavy stuff.
That must suck.Copy !req
82. Yeah, it sucks to be an orphan.
But you know what doesn't suck?Copy !req
83. Being a millionaire.Copy !req
84. I see it does have its advantages.Copy !req
85. You know, me and you, we have
more in common than you realize.Copy !req
86. I, too, am very, very wealthy.
I'm also an orphan.Copy !req
87. My dad ran out on me
when I was just a kid.Copy !req
88. All he left was a batch of hepatitis
on the toilet seat.Copy !req
89. Yeah, had to build my whole empire
from the ground up by myself, solo.Copy !req
90. - And you were famous at one point.
- I'm still pretty famous.Copy !req
91. - Still have a lot of fame.
- Yeah, okay, man.Copy !req
92. I wanna cut right to the chase.Copy !req
93. How can I help you?Copy !req
94. Well, I'll tell you how you can help me,
Sebastian.Copy !req
95. You do realize when I take the mound
this Friday night...Copy !req
96. it's the first time Kenny Powers
has taken the mound in a long time.Copy !req
97. It's a fucking big deal.
And not just to me...Copy !req
98. to you, to the whole team,
to the fucking villagers, everybody.Copy !req
99. Okay, I got it.Copy !req
100. Do you want me
to get the publicity department...Copy !req
101. to organize, like, the pictures...Copy !req
102. and to supply the rainbows and
the unicorns, all the stuff you were saying?Copy !req
103. - We're fucking sharing a brain right here.
- That's it, man.Copy !req
104. I want this shit to have the pageantry
of a goddamn Alabama concert.Copy !req
105. Talking about fireworks, smoke bombs,
laser beams, moonwalks.Copy !req
106. You know how your people
lit up the Alamo?Copy !req
107. - That's the shit I'm talking about.
- You're like a showman, man. I get it.Copy !req
108. Yes, like a show...
No, not like a showman.Copy !req
109. Part entertainer? Yes, of course.Copy !req
110. I kind of consider myself
more like a retired gunfighter...Copy !req
111. being called out of retirement
for one more fucking showdown.Copy !req
112. Can I ask you one question?Copy !req
113. Do you plan on just having one showdown
or is it going to be a lot of showdowns?Copy !req
114. - Multiple showdowns.
- Multiple showdowns?Copy !req
115. I'm not trying to sign a goddamn
Mexican contract or no shit.Copy !req
116. We'll take it game by game, but I'm
definitely playing more than one game.Copy !req
117. - You guarantee that.
- Done.Copy !req
118. Everything you want, man. It's done.
To you, man.Copy !req
119. - Bam!
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
120. - Kenny!
- Oh, shit!Copy !req
121. - Oh, Kenny, you shot me!
- Oh, shit!Copy !req
122. Come on, stop screaming.
Stop fucking screaming.Copy !req
123. Oh, my God! Kenny!Copy !req
124. - What the fuck are you doing here?
- I came to find you.Copy !req
125. I'm not doing too good, Kenny!Copy !req
126. Shh! Shh!
All right. This is gonna kill the infection.Copy !req
127. Oh, shit.Copy !req
128. Oh, shit. My bad.
That's margarita mix.Copy !req
129. - Oh, God!
- Don't go into shock!Copy !req
130. - I'm going into shock!
- Don't go into shock.Copy !req
131. I'm going into shock.Copy !req
132. - Aah!
- Stay awake. Just stay awake.Copy !req
133. I'll be right back.Copy !req
134. You have any Band-Aids,
Q-tips, Mercurochrome...Copy !req
135. some Vagisil, shit like that,
first-aid stuff?Copy !req
136. - Come on!
- My sister Maria, she's a nurse.Copy !req
137. You... You got blood.
You hurt or something?Copy !req
138. Yes, goddamn it.
We have a Rescue 911 situation.Copy !req
139. Come on! Come on, weird woman!
Go! Siesta. Come on!Copy !req
140. What happened?Copy !req
141. I don't know.
I think he shot himself in his leg.Copy !req
142. Fire. My leg is on fire.Copy !req
143. You're not on fire.
You're in a bathtub.Copy !req
144. These people are friends.
The lady one is gonna help you.Copy !req
145. You can fix him, right?Copy !req
146. English, por favor.Copy !req
147. She can fix him,
but he's gonna have to stay put.Copy !req
148. As in stay put here in my home?Copy !req
149. - Well, sí. Yes.
- All right, I mean...Copy !req
150. I just really wasn't prepared
to have guests.Copy !req
151. - Good to see you, Kenny.
- Please don't speak. Just get better.Copy !req
152. Well, I see Sebastian
put up some banners.Copy !req
153. Yeah. Nice banner.Copy !req
154. I do hope you're kidding.
Looks like shit.Copy !req
155. What's he doing,
printing that from a JPEG?Copy !req
156. Motherfucker needs to use TIFF files.
My face looks computery and pixilated.Copy !req
157. Actually, that's a lot of fanfare
for the Charros.Copy !req
158. Could be a major distraction
to the team, Kenny.Copy !req
159. - Oh, are some of the guys talking shit?
- No, no, nothing like that.Copy !req
160. - Getting jealous?
- They're losing focus.Copy !req
161. Oh, they're getting jealous.
Let me unify the team real quick. Guys.Copy !req
162. - Come on in here.
- We need you to warm up that arm.Copy !req
163. Come on. Can I get y'all to come in?
Come on. Let's go. Come in.Copy !req
164. Can we take a knee?Copy !req
165. Guys, can we take a knee?Copy !req
166. Knee. Down on the knee.Copy !req
167. Help me out here, dude.Copy !req
168. Come on, guys. Okay.Copy !req
169. Now, this Friday night,
I guarantee you it is gonna be...Copy !req
170. the biggest goddamn comeback
celebration any of y'all have ever seen.Copy !req
171. There's gonna be people cheering,
and spotlights and fireworks.Copy !req
172. I wouldn't doubt if a couple chicks
show their pussies off.Copy !req
173. How you say "pussy" in Spanish?Copy !req
174. - Panocha.
- Panocha?Copy !req
175. I wouldn't doubt if some of the
muchachas show their panochas off.Copy !req
176. They might show their panochas off.
They might wave their panochas all over.Copy !req
177. What I don't want to happen
is to look around...Copy !req
178. while everybody's cheering
and celebrating me...Copy !req
179. and see all my teammates pouting
and being jealous little bitches.Copy !req
180. Okay? Remember,
there is no I in "team"...Copy !req
181. but there is a U in "cunt,"
so don't be little jealous cunts. Okay?Copy !req
182. Let me get the praise...Copy !req
183. and just be satisfied with the fact
that you will get the run-off panocha.Copy !req
184. - Uh, you done? You done, Kenny?
- Yeah, I'm done.Copy !req
185. I don't know why we're fucking around.
We got a game to get ready for.Copy !req
186. Come on. Get into this shit.Copy !req
187. - Come on, vamanos.
- Let's go, Kenny.Copy !req
188. Get to work. Let's do this shit.Copy !req
189. This is Kenny Powers checking in...Copy !req
190. continuing his novel.Copy !req
191. Uh, still feeling pretty sad.Copy !req
192. Got about a medium buzz on right now.Copy !req
193. You are a majestic creature.Copy !req
194. What is thy name, steed?Copy !req
195. What the hell you doing? Playing petting
zoo, trying to get a fucking staph infection?Copy !req
196. I'm just checking out your new digs, man.
That donkey is pretty cool.Copy !req
197. If you're walking around playing Doctor
Doolittle, your leg must not be too bad.Copy !req
198. No, I'm hurt pretty bad.
Being shot definitely hurts, Kenny.Copy !req
199. Yeah, well so does having a gun
go off by accident in your hand.Copy !req
200. The middle of my palm's been
stinging all day. Almost like an itch burn.Copy !req
201. I have fucking missed you, man.
I missed you a lot.Copy !req
202. Did you miss me, man?
I'm so glad to see you.Copy !req
203. Yeah. That's enough with the hugs, man.
Yeah, I missed you, big time.Copy !req
204. Real quick,
how the fuck did you find me?Copy !req
205. Oh, that mystery.Copy !req
206. When the charges first started
showing up on my credit card...Copy !req
207. I thought, "This is fucking fraud,"
but then I looked a little bit closer...Copy !req
208. at what was being purchased:Copy !req
209. - Beer, Jäger, lube, Magnum condoms.
- Mm-mm. Not me.Copy !req
210. Whippets, business cards.Copy !req
211. And that's when I realized you were
leaving me a trail of fucking bread crumbs.Copy !req
212. Bread crumbs?Copy !req
213. Yeah, $22,000 worth of bread crumbs
that led me straight to you, motherfucker.Copy !req
214. - You're being serious?
- Yeah, I'm serious.Copy !req
215. Well, that's good. Because you're right.
That's exactly what my intentions were.Copy !req
216. I'm glad you were able
to decipher my da Vinci code.Copy !req
217. Welcome to the fucking manger, homes.Copy !req
218. I am glad that you sent me
a complex code, Kenny.Copy !req
219. I am ready to fucking party.Copy !req
220. - I guess we're gonna party.
- Fuck, yeah!Copy !req
221. Whoo!Copy !req
222. This is the greatest night of my life!Copy !req
223. This is me every night, dude, just staring
at butt holes and getting a buzz on.Copy !req
224. Oh, this is awesome.Copy !req
225. You can totally see straight through
the butt hole, right into the pussy, man.Copy !req
226. That is awesome.Copy !req
227. Yeah, I don't think
those two things are connected.Copy !req
228. Maybe.Copy !req
229. So, what's the haps back in Bumfuck?Copy !req
230. You know that shit hole.Copy !req
231. Nothing ever changes.Copy !req
232. - Clegg is in rehab.
- Again?Copy !req
233. And I was going over to your
brother's house a lot after you left.Copy !req
234. Something must have happened...Copy !req
235. because then he says that I can't
come over and play with the boys...Copy !req
236. when he's not there.
- I don't give a shit about them.Copy !req
237. What's going on with April?Copy !req
238. Stevie, I asked you a question, man.
What's going on with April?Copy !req
239. I haven't seen much of April lately.Copy !req
240. Hope she's not locked up in her house,
hooked on meds.Copy !req
241. That's a slippery slope.Copy !req
242. Well, I guess after you left,
she got back together with Cutler...Copy !req
243. and, um, they ended up
getting married.Copy !req
244. - Married?
- Yeah.Copy !req
245. - You fucking kidding me?
- No, I'm not kidding you.Copy !req
246. After I conquered him in the love triangle,
she went ahead and married him?Copy !req
247. - Yeah, I'm sorry.
- That's great for her.Copy !req
248. Good thing I'm in the midst
of this monumental comeback.Copy !req
249. - Honestly, I just feel sorry for her.
- Me too.Copy !req
250. I have no idea what it would be like just
to live a life full of fucking compromises.Copy !req
251. - Unbelievable. To Cutler?
- Yeah.Copy !req
252. To Cutler. So you can move on or...Copy !req
253. You don't need her.Copy !req
254. Hey, I meant to ask you.Copy !req
255. - When exactly are you heading back home?
- Whenever I want.Copy !req
256. I got an open-ended ticket, nigga.Copy !req
257. You got burritos and tacos...Copy !req
258. but in America
you got pizza and hamburger.Copy !req
259. What are you talking about?Copy !req
260. - Go around. Jesus Christ.
- Go around.Copy !req
261. Steve.Copy !req
262. Steve. Hey.Copy !req
263. - Hey.
- Hey, where you been?Copy !req
264. I just got into town,
so I didn't know you...Copy !req
265. She's talking to me, you dipshit.
I've been around.Copy !req
266. - How you doing?
- I'm good.Copy !req
267. I'm playing tonight, so you and your friend
should come see me.Copy !req
268. I don't think I'll be able to catch that.Copy !req
269. I just had some pretty devastating news
dropped on top of my fucking head...Copy !req
270. so I need a little bit of time
just to kind of marinate on it...Copy !req
271. and work out my hormones and shit.Copy !req
272. You should also know
that my name is not really Steve.Copy !req
273. It's actually Kenny. Kenny Powers.
I'm a world famous baseball player.Copy !req
274. - I don't think I shared that with you.
- Wait, your name is not Steve?Copy !req
275. No, I was using an alias.Copy !req
276. Steve just kind of seems like the name...Copy !req
277. of somebody who has absolutely
nothing going on in their life.Copy !req
278. Uh, looks like your friend is sick.
You should get him home.Copy !req
279. Yeah, I'm gonna do that.Copy !req
280. Adiós, mamacita.Copy !req
281. Bye.Copy !req
282. - You ready to go home, buddy?
- Yeah.Copy !req
283. Yeah, I'm gonna get you home.
Let's go.Copy !req
284. On the long road to grief recovery...Copy !req
285. don't be surprised if you gotta spill
a little blood to get shit fixed.Copy !req
286. With all great comebacks,
somebody usually gets fucked.Copy !req
287. Excuse me. Where is this truck headed?Copy !req
288. America.Copy !req
289. Oh, fuck.Copy !req
290. Sometimes being on the mend
can get old real quick...Copy !req
291. like when you're doing
awesome shit...Copy !req
292. to show motherfuckers
that you're cool now...Copy !req
293. and you realize that maybe the person
you're trying to fix yourself for...Copy !req
294. has moved the fuck on.Copy !req
295. And there you are,
left in the midst of a battle...Copy !req
296. that suddenly means nothing.Copy !req
297. He's not in the bullpen.Copy !req
298. What do you mean he's not in the bullpen?Copy !req
299. Where the hell is he?Copy !req
300. Mother fucker!Copy !req
301. Jesus, Kenny, what are you doing?Copy !req
302. Just thinking.Copy !req
303. Well, come on, man. We called timeout.
Let's get you in the game.Copy !req
304. I don't think I can go out there, Roger.Copy !req
305. I'm not sure if I'm feeling it.Copy !req
306. To be honest, I was just primarily
mounting this comeback...Copy !req
307. to eventually get back a girl I lost...Copy !req
308. and now it seems
that that girl has moved on.Copy !req
309. I fear I lost my inspiration.Copy !req
310. Are you really gonna drop this on me
right now?Copy !req
311. Yeah, dude.
That's just the fucking score.Copy !req
312. I don't know if a pep talk speech
would work or not.Copy !req
313. Nobody's really tried yet.Copy !req
314. Um...Copy !req
315. I know this locker room isn't exactly
what you were thinking about...Copy !req
316. when you were a kid dreaming
about playing ball one day.Copy !req
317. - Right?
- No, it's pretty shitty.Copy !req
318. But I've been involved
with this game all my life.Copy !req
319. And if there's one thing I know,
it's talent.Copy !req
320. And you've got it.Copy !req
321. That arm can take you
wherever you wanna go.Copy !req
322. You just gotta put it to work, that's all.Copy !req
323. Now, don't do this comeback
for some fucking girl.Copy !req
324. Do it for you.Copy !req
325. So you're saying I should just say,
"Fuck April and her big old tits"?Copy !req
326. Well, you don't have to
go that far, but...Copy !req
327. You see what's happening here?Copy !req
328. We're having one of those
star-player coach moments.Copy !req
329. - You feel like playing?
- I still feel a little wounded...Copy !req
330. but, you know, Sebastian put all these
awesome promotions up for me...Copy !req
331. and all the villagers showed up,
so the least I could do is just...Copy !req
332. drop a little knowledge on them.
- That's right.Copy !req
333. Let's get out there
and make some fucking noise, okay?Copy !req
334. You really want me
to make some noise?Copy !req
335. - Yeah.
- Then noise you shall see.Copy !req
336. Let my Latin debut to begin.Copy !req
337. And now,
ladies and gentlemen, entering the game,Copy !req
338. and making his debut with the Charros.Copy !req
339. A man that came from the United States,
wearing number 55...Copy !req
340. he is...
Kenny Powders!Copy !req
341. Powers...Copy !req
342. Powders.Copy !req
343. Yeah!Copy !req
344. Do it, Kenny. Do it!Copy !req
345. What the hell is this shit?Copy !req
346. The glove. Bring my glove.Copy !req
347. Glove! Come on.
It's time for the second part of the show.Copy !req
348. Thank you. Get the flag.
Pick the flag up.Copy !req
349. Come on. Don't just let it lay there.
It's disrespectful. Don't let it drag.Copy !req
350. Wolverines.Copy !req
351. YOU'RE FUCKING OUT!Copy !req
352. Thanks very much for being
with us tonight at the stadium.Copy !req
353. Drive safely, have fun,Copy !req
354. good luck to you and your families,Copy !req
355. and see you all next time.Copy !req
356. Fuck.Copy !req
357. Did I miss the game?Copy !req
358. Yeah, I didn't have anybody here
to support me, but it's all right.Copy !req
359. Kenny, I'm sorry. Sorry I missed the game.
I don't know what happened.Copy !req
360. I might have gotten kidnapped
or something.Copy !req
361. Yeah, Stevie, you weren't kidnapped.Copy !req
362. I put you on that truck
so I wouldn't have to deal with you.Copy !req
363. - What?
- Yeah, you remind me of home...Copy !req
364. and for obvious reasons,
home is painful to me.Copy !req
365. - Because you miss the children?
- Yeah.Copy !req
366. Because I miss the fucking children.
No. It's...Copy !req
367. Look, I'm just not 100 percent proud...Copy !req
368. of the way everything went down there,
all right?Copy !req
369. When I saw your stupid, dumb, happy face,
it just reminded me of all that shit.Copy !req
370. And I wish it didn't. I feel bad about it.Copy !req
371. It just seems like your face
and our friendship is the collateral damage.Copy !req
372. - Kenny.
- Oh, come on, man.Copy !req
373. I kneel before you as a man,
begging a much better man...Copy !req
374. to please let me stay here
and join you on this Hispanic adventure.Copy !req
375. Kenny, I work in a fucking coffee shop...Copy !req
376. a fucking coffee shop back in Shelby.Copy !req
377. Please just let me stay here
and tear this shit up with you, Kenny.Copy !req
378. - I will do what you want.
- That's enough.Copy !req
379. Okay, I will do whatever
you want in fucking Mexico.Copy !req
380. - You should just get up off...
- I will do whatever you want!Copy !req
381. - Come on. Get up.
- I will get up when...Copy !req
382. Just get the fuck up. Stop, man.
Everyone's looking at us. Jesus Christ.Copy !req
383. Look...Copy !req
384. this is a dangerous place, Stevie.Copy !req
385. - I know.
- If you were to stay here...Copy !req
386. I can't guarantee
that you'd make it home alive.Copy !req
387. You would not only be responsible
for watching your own back, but also mine.Copy !req
388. You'd also be responsible for doing
a lot of my personal errands...Copy !req
389. more than likely, my laundry.Copy !req
390. Kenny, I am so fucking ready
to get hardcore with fucking errands...Copy !req
391. or slapping whoever fucking steps up
right in the fucking face.Copy !req
392. - Are you?
- Yes.Copy !req
393. Welcome to the resistance.Copy !req
394. Fuck, yes.Copy !req