1. Oh, God.
Copy !req
2. Oh, God.
Copy !req
3. Uh-huh.
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4. Look at me, Mom.
Look at me, Mom.
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5. Oh, yeah. Get it, Daddy. Mm.
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6. I feel like I could go
all fucking night.
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7. But you only paid for an hour,
baby.
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8. Oh, right. No, but if I had
paid for more, then I could...
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9. Ooh! Oh, God!
Copy !req
10. Let it all out. Get a good
return on that dollar.
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11. That's it.
Gone on, get it.
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12. You know,
I didn't even know you ho's
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13. took credit cards until recently.
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14. Well, baby,
some do and some don't.
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15. The good ones do though.
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16. Do you remember
servicing this man?
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17. Oh, maybe. Who is he?
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18. He's just an old friend
that I've been looking for.
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19. Oh, so you wanted to fuck me
because your friend fucked me?
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20. Nope, I wanted to walk a mile
in his shoes.
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21. And today's shoes
just happened to be
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22. a big old pair
of comfy black boots.
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23. Bitch, don't call me no boots.
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24. Can I ask you another question?
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25. How was he?
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26. Oh, so you wanna know
if he was better than you?
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27. No, I just wanna know
what he was like.
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28. That motherfucker
was an animal.
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29. Chapter Eight:
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30. Joining the new team.
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31. Whew!
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32. Over the course of my career,
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33. I played on many
different teams.
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34. Some I liked, and some I really fucking
hated
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35. but let's just say Seattle
can tongue-kiss my shit hole.
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36. The best way to get a new team
on your side
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37. is to trash the last team
you played for.
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38. Talk shit about
how their fans suck
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39. and their women
have pancake titties.
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40. And if that doesn't work,
then just like prison,
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41. you pick the biggest,
baddest dude on the team
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42. and you kick him
in his fucking teeth.
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43. Boom! That's right.
Strike out.
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44. Yeah, good.
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45. Hey, buddy,
don't beat yourself up.
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46. You pretty much had
the whole entire force of God
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47. coming at you.
How fast was that?
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48. Felt like about 100.
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49. Last one was 90.
Oh, no shit.
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50. Maybe you should get your
radar gun recalibrated. Maybe.
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51. Maybe you should
ice that shoulder.
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52. It's been a while.
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53. Stay focused,
and you're gonna do just fine.
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54. That's real cute, Roger,
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55. but you can save your pep talk
for somebody who needs it.
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56. I got this comeback locked down
tight like a little girl's tuna.
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57. Well, we'll see
about that, huh?
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58. This... This is totally
locked down tight
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59. like a girl's private parts,
who's small.
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60. Locker-room talk, baby.
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61. Mr. Powers. Petrus Marco
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62. What the hell you doing
trying to creep on me?
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63. I work for Mr. Cisneros,
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64. the owner of the Charros,
your new boss.
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65. He would like to meet you.
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66. Well, where the fuck is he?
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67. Follow me.
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68. You luring me
into a rape or something?
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69. What is this?
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70. Not bad.
This is one hell of a pussy palace, huh?
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71. Lot of marbles
and architectures and shit.
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72. Flying buttresses.
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73. A lot of original artworks.
Very impressive.
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74. Mr. Cisneros is training
with his sensei.
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75. Sensei?
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76. Kenny Powers is here.
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77. That will be it for today.
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78. Kenny Powers, man.
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79. It's a pleasure
to meet you, man.
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80. Hey, good to meet you too, man.
That's a nice sword you got.
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81. Yeah, I didn't even know Asian
dudes even lived in Mexico,
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82. and here you got one training
you to be a ninja.
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83. Very impressive.
Oh, no, no, no.
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84. He's not from Mexico.
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85. I fly him from Tokyo, man.
Straight from the tap.
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86. Oh, high roller, huh?
Goddamn, look at that view.
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87. Seeing this house
and your fine sword
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88. and hearing how you're importing
and exporting Chinamen,
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89. let me guess,
you must be fucking rich.
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90. Yeah. It's cool.
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91. How much exactly does it cost
to buy a Mexican baseball team?
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92. Ten bucks and a burrito?
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93. That's racism, man.
I love to racism, bro.
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94. Ah, I could tell by the look
in your face
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95. you didn't think that there was.
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96. I definitely didn't think
there was anybody
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97. How'd you snag all this loot? v.
Copy !req
98. Well, my parents died
in, like, a plane crash
Copy !req
99. and, you know, my pappy,
he died right away
Copy !req
100. but my mommy, she lingered,
so it was a tough decision, man,
Copy !req
101. but I had to pull the plug,
you know?
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102. I killed my mother.
It's okay.
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103. Shit, that's pretty heavy stuff.
Man, that must suck.
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104. Yeah, it sucks to be an orphan.
But you know what doesn't suck?
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105. Being a millionaire.
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106. I see it does have
its advantages.
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107. You know, me and you, we have
more in common than you realize.
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108. I, too, am very, very wealthy.
I'm also an orphan.
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109. My dad ran out on me
when I was just a kid.
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110. All he left was a batch
of hepatitis on the toilet seat.
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111. Ah.
Yeah,
Copy !req
112. had to build my whole empire
from the ground up by myself.
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113. Solo.
You are famous at one point.
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114. I'm still pretty famous.
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115. Still have a lot of fame.
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116. Yeah, okay, man.
I wanna cut right to the chase.
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117. How can I help you?
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118. We, I'll tell you how
you can help me, Sebastian.
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119. You do realize when I take
the mound this Friday night,
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120. it's going to be the first time
Kenny Powers
Copy !req
121. has taken the mound
in quite a long time.
Copy !req
122. It's a fucking big deal,
and not just to me.
Copy !req
123. To you, to the whole team,
Copy !req
124. to the fucking villagers,
everybody.
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125. Okay, I... I got it.
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126. Do you want me to get, like,
the publicity department
Copy !req
127. to organize something,
like, the pictures,
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128. and to supply the rainbows
and the unicorns,
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129. like, all the stuff
that you were saying?
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130. We're fucking sharing a brain
right here. That's exactly what I said.
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131. That's it, man.
Yup.
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132. I want this shit
to have the pageantry
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133. of a goddamn Alabama concert.
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134. Talking about fireworks,
smoke bombs,
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135. laser beams, moonwalks.
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136. You know how your people
lit up the Alamo?
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137. That's the shit
I'm talking about.
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138. Pow.
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139. You're like a showman, man.
I get it.
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140. Yes, like a...
No, not like a showman.
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141. Part entertainer?
Yes, of course.
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142. But I consider myself
more like a retired gunfighter
Copy !req
143. being called out of retirement
for one more fucking showdown.
Copy !req
144. Can I ask you one question,
though?
Copy !req
145. Do you plan on just having
one showdown
Copy !req
146. or is it going to be
a lot of showdowns?
Copy !req
147. No, there'll be
multiple showdowns.
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148. Multiple showdowns?
Yeah.
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149. I'm not trying to sign
a Mexican contract or no shit.
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150. We'll take it game by game,
but of course, yeah,
Copy !req
151. I'm definitely playing
for more than one game.
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152. You guarantee that.
Done.
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153. Everything you want, man.
It's done. To you, man.
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154. Bam.
Mm-hm.
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155. Kenny!
Aah!
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156. Oh, shit!
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157. Oh, Kenny, you shot me!
Oh, shit!
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158. Come on, stop screaming!
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159. Stop fucking screaming!
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160. Oh, my God! Kenny!
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161. What the fuck
are you doing here?
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162. I came to find you!
I'm not doing too good, Kenny!
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163. Shh! Shh!
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164. All right. This is gonna
kill the infection.
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165. Oh, shit!
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166. Oh, shit. My bad.
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167. That's margarita mix.
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168. Oh, God!
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169. Don't go into shock!
I'm going into shock!
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170. Don't go into fucking shock!
Copy !req
171. I'm going into shock.
Copy !req
172. Stay awake. Just stay awake.
Copy !req
173. I'll be right back.
Copy !req
174. Que paso?
Yo, do you guys
Copy !req
175. have any goddamn Band-Aids,
Copy !req
176. Q-tips, Mercurochrome,
some Vagisil,
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177. shit like at,
first-aid stuff?
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178. Come on!
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179. My sister Maria, she's a nurse.
Copy !req
180. You... You got blood.
You hurt or something?
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181. Yes, goddamn it.
We have a Rescue 911 situation.
Copy !req
182. Come on! Come on, weird woman!
Go! Siesta. Come on!
Copy !req
183. - What happened?
- I don't know.
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184. I think he shot himself
in his leg.
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185. Fire. My leg is on fire.
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186. You're not on fire, Stevie.
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187. You're in a bathtub, okay?
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188. These people are friends.
The lady one is gonna help you.
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189. You can fix him, right?
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190. English, por favor.
Copy !req
191. She can fix him,
but he's gonna have to stay put.
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192. As in stay put here in my home?
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193. Sí. Yes.
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194. All right, I mean,
Copy !req
195. I just really wasn't
prepared to have guests.
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196. Good to see you, Kenny.
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197. Shh. Please don't speak.
Just get better.
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198. Well, I see Sebastian
put up some banners.
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199. Yeah. Nice banner.
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200. I do hope you're kidding.
Looks like shit.
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201. What the hell's he doing,
printing that from JPEG?
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202. Motherfucker needs
to use TIFF files.
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203. My face looks computery
and damn pixelated.
Copy !req
204. Actually, Kenny, that's a lot
of fanfare for the Charros.
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205. Could be a major distraction
to the team, Kenny.
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206. Oh, are some of the guys
talking shit?
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207. No, no, nothing like that.
Are they getting jealous?
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208. They're just losing focus.
They're getting jealous.
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209. Let me unify the team
real quick. Guys.
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210. Guys, come on in here.
Hey, Kenny.
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211. We need you to warm up that arm.
Come on!
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212. Can I get y'all to come in?
Come on. Let's go. Come in.
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213. Can we take a knee?
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214. Guys, can we take a knee?
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215. Knee. Down on the knee.
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216. Roger, help me out here, dude.
Copy !req
217. Come on, guys. Okay.
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218. Now, this Friday night,
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219. I guarantee you it is gonna be
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220. the biggest goddamn
comeback celebration
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221. any of y'all have ever seen.
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222. There's gonna
be people cheering,
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223. and spotlights and fireworks.
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224. I wouldn't even doubt
if there's a couple chicks
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225. showing their fucking pussies
off.
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226. How do you say "pussy"
in Spanish?
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227. - Panocha.
- Panocha?
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228. I wouldn't doubt
if some of the muchachas
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229. show their panochas off.
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230. They might show
their panochas off.
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231. They might be waving their
panochas all over the place.
Copy !req
232. What I don't want to happen
is to be looking around
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233. while everybody's fucking
screaming and cheering
Copy !req
234. and celebrating me
and see all my teammates pouting
Copy !req
235. and being jealous
little bitches, dude.
Copy !req
236. Okay? Remember,
there is no I in "team,"
Copy !req
237. but there is a U in "cunt,"
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238. so don't be little
jealous cunts, okay?
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239. Let me get the praise,
and just be satisfied
Copy !req
240. with the fact that you will get
the run-off panocha.
Copy !req
241. Um, you done?
You done, Kenny?
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242. Yeah, I'm done. I don't know why
we're all fucking around.
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243. We got a game to get ready for.
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244. Let's get back to practice.
Come on. Get into this shit.
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245. - Come on, vamanos.
- Let's go, Kenny.
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246. Get to work.
Let's do this shit.
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247. Hello, this is Kenny Powers
Copy !req
248. checking in
and continuing his novel.
Copy !req
249. Uh, still feeling pretty sad.
Copy !req
250. Got about a medium buzz on
right now.
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251. You are a majestic creature.
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252. What is thy name, steed?
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253. What the hell e you doing?
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254. Playing petting zoo, trying to
get a fucking staph infection?
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255. I'm just checking out
your new digs, man.
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256. That donkey is pretty cool.
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257. I guess if you're walking around
playing Doctor Doolittle,
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258. your leg must not be hurt
too bad.
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259. No, I'm hurt pretty bad.
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260. Being shot definitely hurts,
Kenny.
Copy !req
261. Yeah, well, so does having a gun
go off by accident in your hand.
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262. The middle of my palm's
been stinging all day.
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263. Almost like an itch burn.
Copy !req
264. I have fucking missed you, man.
I missed you a lot.
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265. Did you miss me, man?
I'm so glad to see you.
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266. Yeah, yeah.
Enough with the hugs.
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267. Yeah, I missed you,
big time. Mm-hm.
Copy !req
268. But real quick,
how the fuck did you find me?
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269. Oh, that mystery.
Copy !req
270. When the charges first started
showing up on my credit card,
Copy !req
271. I thought,
"This is fucking fraud,"
Copy !req
272. but then I looked
a little bit closer
Copy !req
273. at what was being purchased:
Copy !req
274. Beer, Jager, lube,
Magnum condoms.
Copy !req
275. Mm-mm. Nope. Not me.
Copy !req
276. Whippets, business cards.
Copy !req
277. And that's when I realized
Copy !req
278. you were leaving me a trail
of fucking bread crumbs.
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279. Bread crumbs?
Yeah,
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280. $22,000 worth of bread crumbs
Copy !req
281. that led me straight to you,
motherfucker.
Copy !req
282. You're being serious?
Copy !req
283. Yeah, I'm serious.
Copy !req
284. Well, that's good.
Because you're right.
Copy !req
285. That's exactly
what my intentions were.
Copy !req
286. I'm glad you were able
to decipher my da Vinci code.
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287. Welcome to the fucking manger,
homes.
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288. I am glad that you sent me
a complex code, Kenny.
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289. I am ready to fucking party.
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290. I guess we're gonna party.
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291. Fuck, yeah!
Copy !req
292. Whoo!
Copy !req
293. This is the greatest night
of my life!
Copy !req
294. This is me every night, dude,
Copy !req
295. just staring at butt holes
and getting a buzz on.
Copy !req
296. Oh, this is awesome.
Copy !req
297. You can totally see
straight through the butt hole,
Copy !req
298. right into the pussy, man.
That is awesome.
Copy !req
299. Man, I don't think those
two things are connected.
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300. Maybe.
Copy !req
301. So, what's the haps
Copy !req
302. back in Bumfuck?
Copy !req
303. You know that shit hole.
Copy !req
304. Nothing ever changes.
Copy !req
305. Clegg is in rehab.
Copy !req
306. Again?
Yeah.
Copy !req
307. And I was going over
to your brother's house a lot
Copy !req
308. after you left. But something
must have happened,
Copy !req
309. because then he says to me
that I can't come over
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310. and play with the boys
when he's not there anymore.
Copy !req
311. Stevie, I don't give a shit
about any of them.
Copy !req
312. What's going on with April?
Copy !req
313. Stevie, I asked you
a question, man.
Copy !req
314. What's going on with April?
Copy !req
315. Uh, I haven't seen
much of April lately.
Copy !req
316. Hope she's not just locked up
in her house, hooked on meds.
Copy !req
317. That's a slippery slope.
Copy !req
318. Well, I guess after you left,
Copy !req
319. she got back together
with Cutler
Copy !req
320. and, uh,
Copy !req
321. they ended up getting married.
Copy !req
322. Married?
Yeah.
Copy !req
323. Are you fucking kidding me?
Copy !req
324. No, I'm not kidding you.
Copy !req
325. After I conquered him
in the love triangle,
Copy !req
326. she went ahead and married him?
Copy !req
327. Yeah, I'm sorry.
Copy !req
328. That's great for her.
Copy !req
329. Good thing I'm in the midst
of this monumental comeback.
Copy !req
330. Honestly,
I just feel sorry for her.
Copy !req
331. Me too.
I mean, I have no idea
Copy !req
332. what it would be like
just to live a life
Copy !req
333. full of fucking compromises.
Copy !req
334. Unbelievable. To Cutler?
Yeah.
Copy !req
335. To Cutler.
So you can move on or...
Copy !req
336. Hey, I meant to ask you.
Copy !req
337. When exactly
are you heading back home?
Copy !req
338. Whenever I want.
Copy !req
339. I got an open-ended ticket,
nigga.
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340. You got burritos and tacos,
Copy !req
341. but in the America
you got pizza and hamburger.
Copy !req
342. What the fuck
are you talking about?
Copy !req
343. Go around. Jesus Christ.
Copy !req
344. Go around.
Copy !req
345. Steve.
Copy !req
346. Steve. H.
Copy !req
347. Hey.
Hey, where you been?
Copy !req
348. I just got into town,
so I didn't know you...
Copy !req
349. She's talking to me,
you dipshit.
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350. Uh, I've been around.
How are you doing?
Copy !req
351. I'm good.
I'm playing tonight,
Copy !req
352. so you and your friend
should come see me.
Copy !req
353. Yeah, well, I don't think
I'll be able to catch that.
Copy !req
354. I just had some, uh,
pretty devastating news
Copy !req
355. dropped on top
of my fucking head,
Copy !req
356. and so I need a little
bit of time
Copy !req
357. just to kind of marinate on it
Copy !req
358. and work out my hormones
and shit.
Copy !req
359. You should also know that, uh,
my name is not really Steve.
Copy !req
360. It's actually Kenny,
Kenny Powers.
Copy !req
361. I'm a world-famous
baseball player.
Copy !req
362. I don't think
I shared that with you.
Copy !req
363. Wait, your name's not Steve?
Copy !req
364. No, I was using an alias.
Copy !req
365. Steve just kind of seems
like the name
Copy !req
366. of somebody who has absolutely
nothing going on in their life.
Copy !req
367. Uh, looks like
your friend is sick.
Copy !req
368. You should get him home.
Copy !req
369. Yeah, I'm gonna do that.
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370. Adios, mamasita.
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371. Bye.
Copy !req
372. You ready to go home, buddy?
Copy !req
373. Yeah.
Copy !req
374. Yeah, I'm gonna get you home.
Let's go.
Copy !req
375. On the long road
to grief recovery,
Copy !req
376. don't be surprised if you gotta
spill a little blood
Copy !req
377. On the long road
to get shit fixed.
Copy !req
378. With all great comebacks,
somebody usually gets fucked.
Copy !req
379. Excuse me.
Where is this truck headed?
Copy !req
380. America.
Copy !req
381. Oh, fuck.
Copy !req
382. Sometimes being on the mend
Copy !req
383. can get old real quick,
Copy !req
384. like when you're doing
all this awesome shit
Copy !req
385. to show motherfuckers
that you're cool now,
Copy !req
386. and one day you realize
that maybe the person
Copy !req
387. you're truly trying
to fix yourself for
Copy !req
388. has moved the fuck on.
Copy !req
389. And there you are,
left in the midst of a battle
Copy !req
390. that suddenly means nothing.
Copy !req
391. Jesus, Kenny,
what are you doing?
Copy !req
392. Just thinking.
Copy !req
393. Well, come on, man.
We called timeout.
Copy !req
394. Let's get you in the game.
Copy !req
395. I don't think
I can go out there, Roger.
Copy !req
396. I'm not sure if I'm feeling it.
Copy !req
397. To be honest,
I was just primarily
Copy !req
398. mounting this comeback
Copy !req
399. to eventually get back
a girl I lost,
Copy !req
400. and now it seems
that that girl has moved on.
Copy !req
401. I fear I lost my inspiration.
Copy !req
402. Are you really gonna drop this
on me right now?
Copy !req
403. Yeah, dude.
That's just the fucking score.
Copy !req
404. I don't know if a pep-talk
speech would work or not.
Copy !req
405. Nobody's really tried yet.
Copy !req
406. Um...
Copy !req
407. I know this locker room
Copy !req
408. isn't exactly
what you were thinking about
Copy !req
409. en you were a kid dreaming
about playing ball one day.
Copy !req
410. Right?
No, it's pretty shitty.
Copy !req
411. But... But I've been involved
with this game all my life.
Copy !req
412. And if there's one thing I know,
it's talent.
Copy !req
413. And you've got it.
Copy !req
414. That arm can take you
wherever you wanna go.
Copy !req
415. You just gotta put it to work,
that's all.
Copy !req
416. Now, don't...
Copy !req
417. Don't do this comeback
for some fucking girl.
Copy !req
418. Do it for you.
Copy !req
419. So you're saying
I should just say,
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420. "Fuck April
and her big old tits"?
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421. Well, you don't have
to go that far, but...
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422. You see what's happening here?
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423. We're having one of those
star player-coach moments.
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424. You feel like playing?
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425. I still feel a little wounded
but, you know,
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426. Sebastian put all these
awesome promotions up for me
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427. and all the fucking
villagers showed up,
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428. so I guess the least
I could do is just, you know,
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429. drop a little knowledge
on them.
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430. That's right.
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431. Let's get out there
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432. and make some fucking noise,
okay?
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433. You... You really want me
to make some noise?
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434. Yeah.
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435. Then noise you shall see.
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436. Let my Latin debut to begin.
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437. Yeah! Whoo!
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438. Do it, Kenny. Do it!
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439. What the hell is this shit?
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440. The glove.
Bring me my glove.
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441. Glove! Come on.
Hurry up.
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442. It's time for the second part
of the show.
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443. Thank you. Get the flag.
Pick the flag up.
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444. Come on. Don't just let it
lay there. It's disrespectful.
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445. Don't let it drag.
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446. Wolverines.
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447. Fuck.
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448. Did I miss the game?
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449. Yeah, I didn't have anybody here
to support me,
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450. but it's all right.
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451. Kenny, I'm sorry.
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452. Sorry I missed the game.
I don't know what happened.
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453. I might have gotten
kidnapped or something.
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454. Yeah, Stevie,
you weren't kidnapped.
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455. I put you on that truck so I
wouldn't have to deal with you.
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456. What?
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457. Yeah, you remind me of home,
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458. and for obvious reasons,
home is painful to me.
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459. Because you miss the children?
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460. Yeah, Stevie, because I miss
the fucking children.
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461. No. It's...
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462. Look, I'm just not
100 percent proud
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463. of the way everything
went down there, all right?
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464. And when I saw your stupid,
dumb, happy face,
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465. it just reminded me
of all that shit.
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466. You know, I wish it didn't.
I feel bad about it.
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467. It just seems like your face
and our friendship
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468. is kind of
the collateral damage.
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469. Kenny.
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470. Oh, come on, man.
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471. I kneel before you as a man,
begging a much better man
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472. to please let me stay here
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473. and join you
on this Hispanic adventure.
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474. Kenny, I work in a fucking
coffee shop.
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475. A fucking coffee shop
back in Shelby.
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476. Please just let me stay here
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477. and tear this shit up with you,
Kenny.
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478. I will do whatever you want.
That's enough.
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479. Okay, I will do whatever
you want in fucking Mexico!
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480. You should just get up off...
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481. I will do whatever you want!
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482. Come on. Get up.
I will get up when...
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483. Get up! Just get the fuck up.
Stop, man.
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484. Everyone's looking at us.
Jesus Christ.
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485. Look...
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486. this is a dangerous place,
Stevie.
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487. I know.
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488. If you were to stay here,
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489. I can't guarantee
that you'd make it home alive.
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490. You would not only
be responsible
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491. for watching your own back,
but also mine.
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492. You'd also be responsible
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493. for doing a lot
of my personal errands,
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494. more than likely, my laundry.
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495. Kenny, I am so fucking ready
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496. to get hard-core
with fucking errands
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497. or slapping
whoever fucking steps up
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498. right in the fucking face.
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499. Are you?
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500. Yes.
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501. Welcome to the resistance.
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502. Fuck, yes.
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