1. Clara, narrating:
everywhere i look,
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2. I see signs
the apocalypse is near.
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3. A cure for leukemia!
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4. Oh! Stem cell research!
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5. Oh, come on, baby,
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6. That fin-Rot i caught
from aquaman
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7. Cleared up
a long time ago!
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8. Ah! Rampant lying!
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9. morbid obesity!
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10. Get up, black person!
Time to repent!
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11. Repent?
But we just pented!
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12. Prepare yourself,
for the rapture
is almost upon us!
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13. Rapte-Whatchama-Whodat?
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14. The best way to explain
the rapture to foxxy
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15. Was to call
the kirk cameron
hotline.
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16. Hi, there. It's me,
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17. Third rate
child television star
kirk cameron.
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18. To learn about
your unavoidable
descent into hell
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19. Via
the impending rapture,
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20. Press one—
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21. The rapture is coming!
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22. Whoo!
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23. When it arrives,
good people like me
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24. And richard
"boner" stabone
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25. Will float straight up
to heaven,
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26. While the sinners
like you
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27. And that fat,
drunk-Driving,
s.U.V. Rolling jewess
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28. Tracy gold
will be left behind.
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29. The only sign
of the chosen people
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30. Will be
their clothing
left on the ground.
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31. And then satan
shall come to earth
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32. And force all
the sinners to sign
away their souls.
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33. This is all bullshit.
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34. Oh, really?
Then how do you
explain this?
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35. The phone wasn't
even plugged in.
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36. Whoo-Ooh!
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37. Uh, clara,
is that kirk cameron hiding
behind that plant?
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38. !
Kirk,
you're busted! Run
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39. To learn more,
visit my website...
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40. Aah! Catch me, Jesus!
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41. Hey, guys!
Y'all ready to go?
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42. Are you ready
to shut the fuck up?
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43. Hello!
We're trying to watch
the amazing race riot.
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44. Come on, tyrone!
We don't want to b
e the last ones
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45. To rob
that Korean deli!
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46. Today's the day
you promised
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47. We'd all go
to the mall together!
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48. I thought
today was the day
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49. You were gonna
shut the fuck up!
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50. Oh, come on, guys!
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51. There's something
at the mall
for everyone.
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52. Ling-Ling, didn't you
want a new castle
for your fish tank?
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53. And wooldoor,
doesn't your dummy
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54. Deserve a brand new
bow tie?
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55. Don't patronize me, queer!
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56. And, toot, don't you want
your parents' approval?
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57. More than anything!
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58. Yeah, well,
you'll never get that.
So what do you say, guys?
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59. My girlfriend has
cerebral palsy!
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60. Wait—Wait—
Wait a second!
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61. I just realized something.
We can't go to the mall...
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62. aww!
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63. How dare you
get my hopes up,
you cocksucker!
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64. without
our mall t-Shirts!
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65. Wait,
i'll go get clara.
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66. Clara? I'm sick of
that bible-Thumping bitch.
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67. Besides, what fun
is doing a group activity
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68. If you can't
exclude somebody?
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69. You can say that again!
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70. Ah, shut up, excludey!
Get back in your box!
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71. Ohh!
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72. get out, excludey!
We don't want you in here.
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73. Ohh!
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74. Ha! All right!
Drawn together
mall trip '06
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75. Starts right now!
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76. I hope to god you know
what the hell you're doing.
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77. Ahh.
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78. Good morning,
fellow housemates.
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79. Anyone home?
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80. Anyone here?
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81. My roommates left me
all alone.
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82. My roommates left me
all alone!
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83. Whoo-Hoo!
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84. yeah!
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85. whee!
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86. Oh, fun!
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87. Ooh!
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88. Whee!
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89. Whoo-Hoo!
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90. What's this?
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91. Kirk cameron:
the rapture is coming!
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92. Rapte-Whatchama-Whodat?
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93. The only sign
of the chosen people
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94. Will be their clothing,
left on the ground.
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95. Hey-Hey-Hey!
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96. Holy smokes!
The rapture came!
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97. God took all my roommates
up to heaven,
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98. But that means...
i've been left behind!
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99. Ooh, there's a space!
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100. aww!
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101. ooh,
there's another space!
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102. aww!
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103. Captain hero: ooh,
what about that one?
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104. ow, god damn it!
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105. Captain hero:
go, go, go, go!
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106. Park your invisible jet
where somebody can see it,
asshole!
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107. God damn it,
this mall is more crowded
than my uterus.
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108. E!
there's on
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109. Are you fucking crazy?
That's a compact spot!
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110. A compact spot!
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111. Oh, Jesus,
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112. How could you rapture
my sinful housemates
and leave me behind?
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113. Answer me,
talking Jesus!
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114. Woman's voice:
i love shopping
with my girlfriends!
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115. Oh, there must have
been some kind of mix up
at the doll factory.
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116. Man's voice:
stop your whoring
and sodomizing, sinner!
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117. I shall cleanse
you in my blood! Yow!
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118. Why would those sinners
be taken?
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119. I'm sure this is
just one of god's
classic bloopers,
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120. Like nipple hair
or rachael ray's face.
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121. No doubt you'll realize
your mistake, lord,
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122. And rapture me up to heaven
any minute now!
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123. But you darn well
better do it soon
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124. Before satan forces me
to sign away my soul!
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125. Miss, i need you
to sign right here.
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126. Aah! Oh, my god!
Satan! The antichrist!
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127. Xandir, are you out
of your mind?
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128. We'll never fit
into that spot!
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129. Shut it, pig.
Xandir is captain
of this ship,
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130. And he won't let us down,
just like captain america!
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131. Or cap'n crunch.
Or, uh... uh...
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132. Captain...
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133. Uh...
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134. Captain...
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135. Oh, i can't think
of anymore captains
right now.
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136. I won't let you down,
guys. Now hold on!
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137. I am going in!
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138. Huh? Ha ha!
How am i doing
on the right?
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139. Pretty good,
pretty good.
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140. That's it.
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141. You got it.
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142. Ok. All right.
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143. Here we are,
safe and sound.
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144. Oh, yay!
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145. I can't wait
to go to baby gap,
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146. In and out burger,
footlocker,
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147. And all
the other euphemisms
for vagina!
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148. Oh, my god!
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149. We can't get out
this way.
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150. Ach du lieber augustine!
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151. We can't get out
this way, either!
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152. Oh, lordy,
we trapped!
We trapped!
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153. get us
the hell out of here!
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154. You said you knew
what you were doing!
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155. I thought
the mall would
be so much fun.
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156. Well, xandir,
like the grateful dead,
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157. You've gotten us into
yet another stupid jam.
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158. Huh? Huh?
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159. Ehh, fuck the lot of you.
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160. Oh, my god,
we're all going to die!
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161. Holy crap!
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162. What do we—
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163. What do we—
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164. What...
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165. All right,
xandir's useless.
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166. Everyone listen
to spanky ham.
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167. Now, they tell you
in the boy scouts,
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168. If you get lost,
stay in one place
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169. And wait for them
to find you.
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170. Stay in one place?
I prefer my boy scouts
to move around a little.
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171. What? We supposed
to not move
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172. Until somebody
come help us?
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173. That's burn victim talk!
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174. I'll say
we bust through this roof
and go get help!
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175. Oh, real brilliant,
foxxy!
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176. It's like 50 degre
es out there!
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177. You break
that window,
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178. It'll be 50 degree
s in here!
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179. Oh, my god!
That's, like,
jacket weather,
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180. And all we have
are these t-Shirts!
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181. Screw all y'all!
I am going for help.
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182. Stand back!
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183. Don't even think
about it, foxxy!
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184. Oh, my god!
He gots a puerto-Rican
credit card!
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185. There's 220 pounds of
it right here!
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186. Shut it! From now on,
we're all going
to listen to spanky.
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187. Think of this van
as a public high school
graduation—
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188. Nobody is going anywhere.
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189. Please, ma'am,
you've gotta sign for this
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190. Otherwise, you'll have
to pick it up
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191. At the distribution center.
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192. satan was relentless
in pursuit of my soul.
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193. I had to stall
until the clerical error
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194. Made by some
affirmative action hire
in heaven was corrected!
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195. Come on!
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196. Ow! Oh!
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197. Yes! What's
the matter, satan?
Tire yourself out
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198. Captain hero, narrating:
people weren't happy that
spanky and i were in control,
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199. But i was determined
to save their lives—
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200. Even though nobody
ever really dies.
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201. Observe.
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202. Ohh!
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203. Now, you try!
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204. One of us has
to get out that window
and go get help!
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205. No one's going anywher
e as long as hero has
that gun.
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206. Then we gots to get
that gun away from him.
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207. But how?
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208. Mmm.
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209. Mmm.
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210. I gots it!
One of us has gots
to seduce him.
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211. Oh, mr. Captain,
you're so big und strong!
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212. Please for teach me
to wrestle with
our shirts off, hmm?
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213. Is there anybody out there
who didn't think that
this would go gay?
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214. Ah!
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215. !
Mr. Vandergelden,
you're trying to seduce me
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216. It's working!
It's working!
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217. Wooldoor's going to have
that gun for us in no time!
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218. Psst, foxxy,
do you have a rubber?
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219. What? You mean
you ain't seduced him yet?
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220. Some of us still care
about a little thing
called romance!
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221. Oh, damn it!
I'll just do it myself.
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222. Hero, i want that gun.
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223. If you want
this gun,
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224. You'll have
to pry it out of
my cold, dead hand.
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225. Aw! Why did
i keep my gun in
my bob dole hand?
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226. Everybody stand back,
'cause the foxxy's gonna
go get help.
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227. Wait, foxxy,
if we don't make it,
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228. Take these letters
to my parents.
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229. Uh... these are
scrabble letters.
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230. I know, i stole them
from their house.
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231. Sometimes i steal
when i get nervous.
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232. By the way,
here's your watch.
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233. Wooldoor,
you is a good man.
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234. I'm gonna need you
to keep things
under control
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235. Until i get back!
Is you up for it?
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236. I'll do my best
for you, foxxy.
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237. Even though i'm nervous!
Oh, here's your watch again.
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238. Godspeed, foxxy love!
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239. You pathetic fool!
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240. Now we're all
gonna die!
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241. Even me?
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242. No, not you, excludey.
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243. Now, here's a blanket
and a thermos of
delicious hot cocoa.
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244. Ohh.
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245. She'll be back soo
n. Real soon.
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246. oh, boy,
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247. This is the worst
delivery since
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248. My wife's miscarriage.
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249. Nyah-Nyah nyah
nyah-Nyah nyah!
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250. Come and get me,
satan!
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251. Oh, i will come
and get you!
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252. Just sign
for this package.
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253. Oh! Hmm.
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254. missed me!
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255. very impressive.
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256. I guess i didn't account
for your supernatural powers.
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257. Nah, i don't have
supernatural powers.
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258. I just knew about
those booby traps
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259. 'Cause i've seen
home alonelike
a hundred times.
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260. Watching that adorable kid
in the movie, heh,
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261. Is the closest thing
me and my wife will get
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262. To having a real son.
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263. i should have known
there was no way
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264. A mere mortal could escape
from the prince of lies.
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265. You have defeated me,
dark lord!
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266. Wow, i haven't been
called dark lord
since college.
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267. I totally nailed
a black chick once.
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268. I shall sign!
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269. Super-Duper!
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270. Satan, i acknowledge you
as my master.
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271. I will do anything
you ask of me, anything!
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272. Anything? Wow,
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273. This must be
what it's like
to be al roker.
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274. Mall security!
Mall security!
Please, please!
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275. I need some security!
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276. i had to find help,
and nothing could stop me!
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277. Absolutely noth—
Whoo, is that a hot topic?
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278. Ooh, i hear they got
officially licensed
drawn togethermerchandise!
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279. Hot topic!
They got everything
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280. A suicidal preteen
could want!
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281. Except for parents
who listen.
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282. Where do you got
yourdrawn together
merchandise?
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283. Drawn to what now?
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284. It's a show on the box
you get for free
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285. When the streets
is on fire.
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286. I'm on that show.
Heh heh heh!
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287. You never heard
of foxxy brown?
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288. What about wooldorf,
or ploop?
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289. Hmm. Maybe we have
some of your merchandise
in the back.
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290. Well, i'm supposed
to be getting mall security
to help my roommates,
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291. But i guess i could
look around real quick.
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292. Hmm.
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293. Wow!
Theking of the hill
boredom helmet!
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294. Ooh, this is almost as
boring as the show itself!
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295. Hmm.
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296. What the—
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297. you got plenty
ofdrawn together—
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298. Nighty night,
foxxy love.
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299. So cold.
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300. So... very cold.
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301. Just hold on.
Foxxy will be back
real soon.
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302. Oh, yeah, right,
the 2 things
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303. Black folks
excel at—
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304. Winter sports
and getting places
in a timely fashion.
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305. woof!
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306. Don't listen
to them, guys.
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307. Foxxy won't
let us down.
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308. I'm beginning to think
she may be dead!
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309. T!
don't ever say tha
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310. How dare you
slap me
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311. Without having
the decency
to do me first!
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312. Or during!
Or after!
Or now?
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313. Last chance.
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314. Starting now!
Or now.
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315. Door's still
open. Ok, then,
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316. You lost
your chance.
Starting now!
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317. No? Ok, fine.
Come on, ling-Ling,
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318. I know when
we're not wanted.
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319. How about now?
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320. Hey, ass munchers,
can we share in your fire?
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321. Fine. You want
to share our fire?
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322. You bring something
to burn.
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323. Guys, hey!
What are you doing?
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324. We're burning
your dummy!
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325. No, you can't!
He's allergic to fire!
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326. I don't want to die
like this!
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327. I want to die
in a jet ski accident.
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328. Still got it.
Ha-Cha-Cha.
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329. I won't let you
kill him!
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330. Xandir,
you gotta help me!
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331. Come on, man!
They'll listen to you!
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332. Jesus, xandir,
you're the troop leader!
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333. I'm the troop leader?
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334. My decision's... wrong.
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335. Must run away.
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336. Run, xandir, run!
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337. Wait, where are you going?
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338. No!
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339. No, i'm just a toddler!
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340. He drew lines
on my mouth!
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341. That's just what a dummy
or a toddler would say.
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342. You done good, kids.
You done good.
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343. No, wait!
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344. Stay with me!
Fight, damn it!
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345. You're tough!
I'm tough.
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346. You're tenacious!
I'm tenacious.
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347. You don't know
the meaning
of the word quit!
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348. I don't even the meaning
of the word tenacious.
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349. You idiot!
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350. That was the last
of our water!
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351. And we have
no more matches!
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352. Oh, my god!
You're all going to die!
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353. This van just got
a whole lot sexier.
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354. ha-Cha-Cha!
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