1. happy 21st birthday,
ling-Ling!
Copy !req
2. oh, you'll
love your cake.
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3. I got it
from a chinese
pastry shop.
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4. Aah!
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5. Fantastic decorations,
xandir.
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6. Nice touch having
the balloons
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7. Tied to
your nipple rings.
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8. i wish
i had nipple rings.
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9. I didn't get
a single compliment
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10. On where i put the banner.
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11. Since it was ling-Ling's
21st birthday,
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12. We made him do
the traditional 21 shots.
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13. One!
One!
One!
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14. 2, 3...
2, 3...
2, 3...
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15. After that, it was time
for the traditional
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16. 21 doses
of sweet georgia brown.
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17. 21!
21!
21!
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18. Oh, no! Ling-Ling
o.D. Ed somehow.
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19. Still think
birthdays are cool?
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20. Dr. Wooldoor, help!
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21. Oh, my god.
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22. I need 10 ccs
of adrenaline
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23. And a cardiac needle
right fucking now!
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24. Uhh-Aah!
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25. Now all i need is your
insurance card, and—
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26. Oy, gevalt!
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27. Ling-Ling's only
3 years old!
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28. Sorry, ling-Ling,
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29. But as a pretend
healthcare professional,
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30. I'm legally
required to call...
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31. Child services.
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32. No!
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33. Ah.
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34. Ahh. Heh.
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35. Ohh.
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36. Hero, narrating: i was
getting pretty damn tired
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37. Of that stupid xandir flaunting
his stupid nipple rings.
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38. I couldn't take it anymore
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39. I had to get a nipple ring
of my very own,
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40. So i consulted
the hero computer.
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41. A pig goes...
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42. Oink-Oink.
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43. We've discussed this
pig-Emitting-Oinks issue,
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44. And we've agreed
to disagree.
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45. A cow goes...
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46. Moo-Moo.
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47. Damn your
superior intelligence.
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48. I want a nipple ring now!
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49. Oh, check me out,
assbags.
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50. I've got
a much cooler ring
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51. Than that homo
xandir.
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52. Oink-Oink.
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53. I'm going to show
the whole world
my new nipple ring.
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54. Hero, i wouldn't
go outside.
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55. There's a dangerous
electrical storm.
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56. You're just jealous
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57. Because i have
2 kinds of rings,
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58. Nipple and worm.
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59. Hello, world!
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60. Who wants to see
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61. My highly conductive—
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62. Aah-Hah-Aah-Aah!
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63. child services.
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64. aah-Hah-Hah-Hah-Hah-Hah!
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65. Has it been
9 months already?
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66. Actually, miss love,
i'm here about...
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67. Ling-Ling.
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68. This is
a surprise twist.
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69. But i'm telling you,
we've very responsible
guardians.
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70. I beg to differ.
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71. Thank you,
dollar bin at blockbuster.
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72. Observe.
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73. Ling-Ling has been
physically abused.
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74. Ohh! Aah! Ohh!
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75. Aah!
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76. He's been exposed
to sexual situations.
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77. He's even been
denied lasagna.
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78. Ahh!
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79. Ohh.
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80. From now on,
your family is...
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81. The foster care system.
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82. No—
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83. Hero? Are you ok?
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84. A disgusting pig?
A homosexual?
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85. G?
Am i at
prince charles' weddin
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86. breaker, breaker.
Anyone there?
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87. Hero, what's going on
with your nipple?
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88. Oh, not too much.
What's up with yours?
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89. Hello. I'm
a 12-Year-Old boy
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90. Looking for
a friend.
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91. Really?
I might be interested.
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92. Do you have a donkey
and a penis cutter?
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93. No. All i have is
this walkie-Talkie.
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94. I'm majorly lonely
here in smalltown.
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95. Smalltown?
That's where i grew up.
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96. Well, if you're
like everybody else
here in 1986,
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97. You probably
wouldn't want to b
e friends with me,
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98. Because i'm from
planet zebulon and
wear spandex shorts.
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99. 1986?
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100. Smalltown?
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101. Zebulon?
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102. Spandex shorts?
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103. Dude, this guy sounds
like such a loser.
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104. Hey, schmeckelhead,
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105. I think that kid is
you from the past.
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106. Is that possible?
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107. Can i actually be talking
to me from the past?
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108. Well, there's only
one way to be sure.
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109. Me from the past
says what?
Huh?
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110. Close enough.
It is me!
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111. Wow. You're me
from the future.
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112. Radical-A-Rama.
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113. This is
totally tubular.
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114. Not! Psych! I mean,
not-Not to the max.
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115. Wickety-Wack.
For sure.
Do the bartman!
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116. Shut your sassin' mouth.
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117. To me, you're just
a monthly check
for newports.
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118. Now, make yourself useful
Copy !req
119. And start scrubbin' out
my old war wound.
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120. With our little
chinese friend gone,
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121. Things just
weren't the same.
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122. Our nails
was unmanicured.
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123. The zen garden
was unraked.
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124. And now, our tibetans got
way too much freedom.
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125. Whoo-Hoo!
Chug! Chug!
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126. I got your dalai lama
right here.
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127. Living without an asian
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128. Is like living
with a jewish woman.
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129. It's horrible,
and i don't understand
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130. How or why anybody
would tolerate it.
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131. Oh, we all miss
ching-Chong,
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132. But maybe foster care
is the best place for him.
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133. Foster care is evil,
y'all,
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134. And i should know,
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135. 'Cause all my children
send me letters
about it.
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136. I'm gonna bring
lang-Lang home.
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137. I will not let
another one
of my loved ones
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138. Go through
the foster care system!
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139. Yay!
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140. Hey, xandir,
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141. This blockhead
will believe anything.
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142. Oh, yeah. Sonny bono
is now an olympic skier,
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143. And nancy reagan still has
the finest pair in town.
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144. You are short-Circuiting
my mind, johnny 5.
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145. Will you stop lying
to your 12-Year-Old self
about the future?
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146. Maybe instead of
lying to him,
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147. You should consider
giving your past self
some good advice.
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148. Hmm. Advice, you say.
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149. Yes, that is a great way
to mess with him.
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150. so,
me from the past,
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151. Do you still have
that major crush
on letta lame?
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152. Because i know a way
to get her to go to
the barn dance with you.
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153. Wow! Really?
Funky fresh!
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154. Ohh!
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155. ♪♪ hallelujah ♪♪
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156. Hey, get out of there!
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157. Well, maybe i was, once.
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158. But no one buys
my rice no more.
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159. These days,
it's not cool
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160. To buy anything from
an old, black stereotype
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161. Whose rice is flavored
with mouse feces.
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162. So you like my rice, huh?
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163. Well, i'll be darned.
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164. Boy, i gots to say,
like the tumor in my brain,
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165. You're beginnin'
to grow on me.
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166. Young hero: are you sure
this is going to work?
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167. After this,
you're going to be
so popular,
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168. Letta will beg you to
take her to the dance.
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169. Ok, then.
I'm doing exactly
what you said.
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170. I got the sandwich,
and i'm unzipping my pants.
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171. Oh!
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172. Hey, leslie,
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173. I need a date
to the barn dance,
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174. And i was
wondering if—
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175. Are you fucking
a hero sandwich?
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176. You freak!
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177. From now on,
let's call leslie
captain hero.
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178. In new england,
he'd be captain grinder.
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179. Burn! Ah ha ha!
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180. What a loser.
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181. Captain hero.
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182. I almost forgot
me own nickname.
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183. Foxxy, narrating:
to rescue ling-Ling,
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184. I had to break into
the foster care system
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185. By going undercover.
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186. Unfortunately,
it wasn't so easy.
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187. The foxxy got bounced
from one cartoon foster home
to another.
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188. whatever you do,
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189. Don't let him
take your eyes.
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190. I can transform.
Observe.
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191. Now you transform.
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192. But i can't trans-
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193. I said transform.
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194. Now, where's i
supposed to sleep?
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195. Hold up.
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196. Is this
some kind of joke?
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197. That's it!
Show yourself
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198. Heh heh heh.
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199. Ain't i an asshole?
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200. Well, i did
what you said,
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201. And i funky cold medinaed
that sandwich,
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202. And now,
i'm a laughingstock.
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203. Oops. My bad.
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204. I forgot
sandwich fucking
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205. Didn't become a fa
d until 1987.
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206. George michael
made it popular.
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207. Well, later.
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208. Wait. What do i do now?
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209. Ok, ok.
It's not too late.
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210. I know a way to
change your nickname
from captain hero
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211. To captain guy
who saves the day.
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212. Here's
what you do.
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213. The night
of the big dance,
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214. Douse the barn
with gasoline.
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215. Then light a match
and set the whole
thing on fire.
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216. Uh, is now the part
where i put out the fire
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217. And save the day?
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218. Even better.
Now is the part
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219. Where you
take out a sandwich
and you fuck it.
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220. Um, ok.
I sure hope this works.
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221. I don't see
how it couldn't.
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222. help me!
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223. Are you fucking
a hero sandwich?
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224. You freak!
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225. Jesus h. Snork.
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226. You sure
knows rice.
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227. Ling-Ling,
in these past
few weeks with you,
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228. My heart has
softened, swelled,
and lost nutrients,
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229. Just like
my crappy rice.
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230. ,
foster son,
you's given me so much
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231. I decided to give you
the one thing
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232. All chinese boys want,
but can never have.
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233. Yep. And whoever
foster care sends,
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234. I's hope she knows
what uncle benny likes
the most about rice.
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235. It knows when
to shut the fuck up.
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236. Lang-Lang!
I found you!
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237. I been bouncin'
all over
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238. The foster care
system lookin' for
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239. Papa?
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240. Foxxy, is that you
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241. For real-Real,
not for play-Play?
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242. Uncle benny is
my bilolasisul papa.
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243. Then how do you
explain this?
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244. Still think
foster care's cool?
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245. I can't believe
my new foster child
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246. Turned out to be
my own daughter.
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247. Oh, foxxyshaquaguafafaba,
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248. I miss you like red beans
miss a starchy complement.
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249. If you miss me so much,
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250. Then why come
you left for cigarettes
when i was 3
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251. And never came back?
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252. Oh, sweetie,
it wasn't 'bout you.
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253. It was your mother.
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254. We just had
different needs.
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255. I wanted oral sex,
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256. And she wanted to hoard
squirrel carcasses.
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257. But you can see
i never stopped
lovin' you...
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258. Or your poor sister.
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259. Well, it would be nice
to have a parent.
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260. All i gots left
of mama are these
fur wristbands...
Copy !req
261. And this merkin.
Copy !req
262. So i guess
i forgives you, papa.
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263. We need to get
our celebrate on.
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264. Oh, yeah.
Let's go out and have
the funnest day ever.
Copy !req
265. Thanks to
your bogus schemes,
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266. I've been run
out of town,
and everyone hates me,
Copy !req
267. And i burned letta
to death.
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268. That was you?
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269. You killed
my childhood sweetheart.
Copy !req
270. I never got over
her death!
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271. You ruined my life!
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272. I'm gonna go get
my father's gun
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273. And end it all
right now.
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274. You don't have
the guts!
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275. Ah hoo hoo! Xandir,
this has gotten so good.
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276. You know that kid i've
been fucking with?
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277. Um, yeah.
You mean you?
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278. Yes. It turns out
he's unstable.
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279. Why are you looking
at me?
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280. Uh, because
you're talking
to me.
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281. Then why won't
you listen?
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282. Anyhoo, that kid is
totally gonna kill himself.
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283. Up high!
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284. you idiot!
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285. If he kills himself,
you'll disappear.
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286. Hmm.
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287. oh, no!
My sandwich-Holding hand!
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288. Oh, we had a blast.
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289. We went to
the rice museum,
slash holocaust memorial,
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290. And daddy got me
this awesome t-Shirt.
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291. Never forget...
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292. E.
To salt the water
before boilin' the ric
Copy !req
293. And we also had
our entire family
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294. Painted onto
a single grain of rice
in jew blood.
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295. Daddy, would you
close that window?
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296. It's gettin' whiny
in here.
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297. At least
i ain't adopted.
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298. Repeat people much?
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299. Repeat people much?
Copy !req
300. Repeat people much?
Copy !req
301. Oh, looky there.
I'm out of cigarettes.
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302. I best be gettin'
down to the store
and pick up a pack.
Copy !req
303. Back in a couple
of minutes, kids.
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304. Repeat people much?
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305. Oh, i almost forgot
my, uh...
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306. Cigarette money.
Copy !req
307. Repeat people much?
Copy !req
308. Repeat people much?
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309. And my tickets.
Copy !req
310. Repeat people much?
Copy !req
311. To flavor country. Mmm.
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312. Where are you,
leslie?
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313. Come on, pick up.
Pick up.
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314. F!
Don't kill yoursel
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315. Why should i listen to you?
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316. You ruined my life!
Copy !req
317. listen, broham.
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318. I admit i was totally
messing with you.
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319. I thought
i was being funny,
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320. But it turns out
i was only being hurtful.
Copy !req
321. Please, leslie,
forgive me.
Copy !req
322. If you can't
forgive yourself,
Copy !req
323. Who can you forgive?
Copy !req
324. All right.
I forgive you.
Copy !req
325. I'm just glad
this is all over.
Copy !req
326. Ohh!
And the worst part is...
Copy !req
327. There really is a sweet way
to bone-Storm a sandwich.
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328. there is?
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329. Ah, yeah,
but it's just as well.
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330. No, i'm not.
Show me.
I can do it.
Copy !req
331. Yes! Ok, first i'll need
to examine your technique.
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332. Here's what you do.
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333. Take a picture of yourself
screwing a sandwich
Copy !req
334. And bury it under
the town oak tree
Copy !req
335. So i can find it
here in the future.
Copy !req
336. Ice, ice, baby.
Copy !req
337. What is wrong
with you, hero?
Copy !req
338. Wh-Why are you
being so mean to
your 12-Year-Old self?
Copy !req
339. Why?
I'll tell you why.
Copy !req
340. Because when
i was that age,
Copy !req
341. Some asshole did
the same exact thing to me,
Copy !req
342. And i swore someday
i would get sweet revenge
Copy !req
343. By doing it
to some other
12-Year-Old loser.
Copy !req
344. Now,
if you'll excuse me,
Copy !req
345. I have a picture of
a penis in a sandwich
waiting for me.
Copy !req
346. Hyah!
Copy !req
347. Aw, don't you worry.
Papa's comin' back.
Copy !req
348. Papa loves me.
Copy !req
349. Well, at least
we gots each other,
Copy !req
350. And we can do
all the things that
a real family can do.
Copy !req
351. We can go get
our nails did.
Copy !req
352. I can press out that hair
like nobody business...
Copy !req
353. Later.
Copy !req
354. Ohh.
Don't worry, foxxy.
Copy !req
355. Ling-Ling's comin' back.
Copy !req
356. Ling-Ling loves me.
Copy !req
357. Oh, this is
the best picture
of a prick i've had
Copy !req
358. Since i sold
my cal ripken jr.
Rookie card.
Copy !req
359. put up your hands, sicko.
Copy !req
360. Holy cannoli!
Copy !req
361. Yeah,
that's right, pervert.
Copy !req
362. It's a sting.
We've been waiting here
for 20 years
Copy !req
363. For you to pick up
that kiddie porn.
Copy !req
364. looks like i win.
Copy !req
365. I knew you were messing
with me again,
Copy !req
366. But i outsmarted you.
Serves you right
for wanting to see
Copy !req
367. A young boy's penis
in a sandwich. Face!
Copy !req
368. Take him away, boys.
Copy !req
369. Aww! Can i least
keep the photo?
Copy !req
370. It's the only picture
i have of my penis
before the accident.
Copy !req
371. Accident?
What accident?
Copy !req
372. Never you mind.
We are done talking,
nipple.
Copy !req
373. As an asshole
on a walkie-Talkie
Copy !req
374. Once said to me
when i was 12,
Copy !req
375. Go screw
a garbage disposal!
Copy !req
376. A garbage disposal?
Copy !req
377. Oh, say, that might
feel pretty good.
Copy !req
378. Oh, yeah, baby.
Copy !req
379. I'm going to walk
like an egyptian.
Copy !req
380. Na-Nu na-Nu.
Copy !req
381. Ooh. What is
this switch for?
Copy !req
382. aah!
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