Drawn Together 2x2

Directed by Raymie Muzquiz

Tom Kenny as Teacher (voice) • Chris Edgerly as The Board of Education / Doctor (voice)

Foxxy challenges the Board of Education, and Spanky and Xandir embark on a sham marriage for insurance

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. HEY, XANDIR,

2. YOU KNOW WHAT JOB YOU'D BE PERFECT FOR?

3. BASKET WEAVER?

4. NOPE.

5. DIRECTOR OF HOMO LAND SECURITY.

6. HEY, CAP, GUESS WHAT I JUST TOLD XANDIR?

7. THAT HE SHOULD BE DIRECTOR OF HOMO LAND SECURITY?

8. HOW DID YOU KNOW?

9. YOU'VE TOLD ME, LIKE, 5 TIMES NOW.

10. PLUS I'VE ALWAYS SAID HE'S THE RIGHT MAN FOR THE JOB...

11. IF YOU FAT CATS UP IN WASHINGTON HAVE THE GUTS

12. TO APPOINT SOMEONE WHO THINKS OUTSIDE THE BOX.

13. HA HA! IT JUST KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY—

14. AAH! UHH!

15. OW! OH, MY GOD!

16. I'M CRASHING!

17. I'VE BEEN DOWNLOADED WITH A VIRUS!

18. DOWNLOADED?

19. C'EST CE QUI DOWNLOADED?

20. I'M AN INTERNET DOWNLOAD PIG!

21. THAT'S THE FUCKING PREMISE

22. OF MY CHARACTER, Q-Q-Q-QUEER!

23. EVERYONE REMAIN CALM.

24. I WILL USE MY CAPTAIN HERO COMMUNICATOR

25. TO CALL 911.

26. WAIT.

27. I CAN FLY!

28. GET IN.

29. I THINK THE HOSPITAL'S THAT WAY!

30. THIS AIN'T NO MONSTER GOD.

31. IT'S HANS THE 6-ARMED CIRCUS FREAK.

32. WELL, FOXXY, YOU'VE CRACKED YET ANOTHER CASE.

33. SO, I'LL JUST NEED A COPY OF YOUR MYSTERY SOLVING LICENSE

34. SO I CAN TAKE THIS GUY DOWNTOWN.

35. MYSTERY SOLVIN' WHAA?

36. YOU DON'T HAVE A MYSTERY SOLVING LICENSE?

37. CHILD, I DIDN'T EVEN GO TO COLLEGE.

38. THEN WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO LET THIS GUY GO.

39. BUT HE'S A CHILD MOLESTER!

40. A LICENSED CHILD MOLESTER.

41. PEOPLE LIKE YOU MAKE ME SICK.

42. BUT... BUT...

43. AH, BUT NOTHING. WITHOUT YOUR MYSTERY SOLVING LICENSE,

44. YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO SOLVE ANY MORE MYSTERIES EVER AGAIN.

45. DANNY NEEDS HIS PUFFS!

46. SOMEONE GET ME SOME FUCKING PUFFS!

47. WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH ME, DOC?

48. YOU'VE BEEN DOWNLOADED WITH THE DEADLY CUDDLY BEAR VIRUS.

49. YOU'LL BE DEAD WITHIN A WEEK.

50. OH, MY GOD! I'M GONNA DIE?

51. YEP, UNLESS I GIVE YOU THESE DRUGS.

52. DRUGS? GIMME, GIMME, GIMME, GIMME!

53. YOU DO HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE, DON'T YOU?

54. HEALTH WHAA?

55. OH... YOU...

56. DON'T HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE.

57. WELL, DON'T WORRY.

58. AAH!

59. UNH!

60. AAH!

61. I TRIED TO FORGET

62. ALL ABOUT SOLVING MYSTERIES.

63. BUT FORGETTING,

64. LIKE GRANDDADDY WHEN WE PLAYED BOUNCY HORSE, WAS VERY HARD.

65. IT SEEMED LIKE EVERYBODY HAD THEY MYSTERY SOLVING LICENSE.

66. EVERYBODY BUT THE FOXXY.

67. THIS IS NO GENIUS WEREWOLF.

68. IT'S JUST SOME NEAR-SIGHTED ARMENIAN WOMAN.

69. THIS IS NO MUMMY.

70. THIS IS JUST A TRAGIC BURN VICTIM.

71. THIS IS NO FAT MONSTER.

72. AAH!

73. IT'S A BLOOD FOUNTAIN!

74. YOU'RE A GOOD MAN, CAPTAIN HERO.

75. IT WASN'T FAIR!

76. FOXXY NEEDED TO GET HER MYSTERY SOLVING LICENSE.

77. AND EVERYBODY KNOWS

78. THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO DO THAT.

79. FOXXY LOVE IS WENT TO COLLEGE.

80. OH, MY GOD!

81. UHH! OW!

82. BOY, YOU REALLY NEED HEALTH INSURANCE.

83. TOO BAD YOU'RE NOT IN THE QUESTING BUSINESS.

84. I GET GREAT HEALTH INSURANCE.

85. IT WOULD EVEN COVER MY WIFE AND KIDS,

86. OR MORE REALISTICALLY, A COCOA-SKINNED LIFE PARTNER.

87. OH, FERNANDO,

88. ONE DAY I'LL TAME YOUR WILD WAYS.

89. DUDE, YOU MEAN IF I GAY MARRY YOU,

90. I'D GET FREE HEALTH INSURANCE?

91. WELL, I SUPPOSE.

92. DIE OR MARRY A HOMO.

93. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

94. TELL YOU WHAT.

95. YOU DECIDE, AMERICA!

96. LOG ON NOW AND CAST YOUR VOTE.

97. AMERICA, YOU DECIDED.

98. WITH A GRAND TOTAL OF 13 TO 8,

99. SPANKY WILL MARRY THE HOMO.

100. THIS IS SO NICE OF YOU, SPANKY.

101. HOW DID YOU KNOW I WANTED TO SEE

102. QUEENIE McHOMOSLURP IN ANALSVILLE ON GAY ICE PART GAY?

103. JUST A HUNCH.

104. UM... XANDIR?

105. OH!

106. S-SPANKY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

107. OH! I FEEL LIKE A SCHOOLBOY.

108. BUT THIS IS PRETTY GOOD, TOO.

109. I WAS ABOUT TO PROPOSE TO XANDIR,

110. AND THEN, OUT OF NOWHERE,

111. THAT DAMN DIAMOND VISION TRIED TO MOVE IN ON MY MAN!

112. OH, NO, DIAMOND VISION!

113. I WAS HERE FIRST!

114. I'LL KILL YOU, YOU TECHNOLOGICAL MARVEL!

115. OH, SPANKY.

116. THAT IS SO SWEET.

117. NO ONE HAS EVER FOUGHT FOR ME...

118. FOR MY HONOR.

119. I'LL DO IT.

120. I'LL GAY MARRY YOU FOR THE INSURANCE.

121. SO I TRIED TO STUDY UP FOR THEM SATs,

122. BUT IT BECAME ABUNDANTLY CLEAR THAT THIS WAS JUST

123. ANOTHER CONSPIRACY TO KEEP THE BLACK MAN DOWN.

124. LIKE SWIMMIN'.

125. THIS WHOLE TEST IS RACIALLY BIASED.

126. QUESTION NUMBER ONE—

127. "WHAT S.P.F. LOTION WOULD YOU USE

128. "IF YOU WAS GONNA SPEND A DAY AT THE POLO GROUNDS,

129. FELLOW KLAN MEMBER?"

130. OH, YOU DON'T NEED SUNBLOCK IF YOU'VE GOT YOUR KLAN HOOD ON.

131. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT, FOXXY.

132. UNH! HUH?

133. HMM!

134. LING-LING GOTS A PERFECT SCORE!

135. WELL, OF COURSE.

136. ORIENTALS ARE GENETICALLY GOOD AT STANDARDIZED TESTS.

137. UH, DUH!

138. LING-LING, YOU NEED TO TAKE MY SATs FOR ME.

139. I'LL BE YOUR BEST FRIEND.

140. AH!

141. HIYA!

142. WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY

143. TO GIVE THESE 2 QUEENS SPECIAL RIGHTS.

144. AAH! WHAT IS THIS UNHOLY ABOMINATION?

145. HI, CLARA.

146. YOU'RE JUST IN TIME TO WITNESS

147. A FAKE GAY MARRIAGE FOR THE HEALTH INSURANCE.

148. WHAT? IF GAYS GET MARRIED,

149. THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE WILL BE DESTROYED!

150. SOCIETIES WILL CRUMBLE!

151. RIVERS WILL RUN WITH BLOOD!

152. NAZIS WILL ONCE AGAIN RIDE ON DINOSAURS!

153. I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS.

154. HEY, CLARA, THERE'S A JEW OUTSIDE

155. TRYING TO POISON A WELL!

156. AAH! OH, MY GOD!

157. GET AWAY FROM THAT WELL, HEBREW.

158. WHAT? I'M PUTTING IN WATER PURIFICATION TABLETS.

159. SPANKY TRICKED ME.

160. AS GOD AS MY WITNESS,

161. I'LL PUT AN END TO THIS GAY MARRIAGE.

162. I SWEAR!

163. NICE TITS.

164. HEATHER JAIMESON? HERE.

165. RACHEL FORENSTEIN? HERE.

166. FOXXY CHAQUAFAFFA LOVE?

167. HIYA!

168. UM, YOU DON'T LOOK

169. LIKE A BLACK WOMAN.

170. WORD, WIKI-WIKI,

171. FRAVOR FRAV!

172. RIGHT.

173. AAH!

174. AAH!

175. AAH!

176. THE BOARD OF EDUCATION DOESN'T TAKE KINDLY

177. TO WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

178. WE DON'T MIND ASIANS TAKING THE TEST FOR WHITE KIDS

179. OR EVEN THE JEWS, BUT WE'LL BE DAMNED

180. IF WE'LL LET YOU HELP THE BLACKS.

181. SO, SO, SO.

182. NOW, YOU'RE GOING BACK IN THERE,

183. AND YOU'RE GONNA FAIL MISS LOVE'S TEST ON PURPOSE.

184. IF YOU DON'T,

185. BUTCH HERE IS GONNA GO TO YOUR HOUSE

186. AND WALK AROUND...

187. WITHOUT TAKING OFF HIS SHOES.

188. XANDIR AND SPANKY,

189. I PRONOUNCE YOU

190. LEGALLY GAY MARRIED.

191. AND NOW FOR THE TRADITIONAL STOMPING OF THE MAYONNAISE PACKETS.

192. MAZELTOFF!

193. OH!

194. XANDIR, YOU SAVED MY LIFE.

195. YOU'RE AS KIND AS THE $3.00 BILL.

196. I WISH THERE WAS SOME WAY I COULD REPAY YOU.

197. WELL, I— I WAS HOPING

198. YOU'D STOP DEFECATING IN MY SOCK DRAWER.

199. JESUS, WOMAN! WE'VE ONLY BEEN MARRIED 5 MINUTES,

200. AND YOU'RE ALREADY NAGGING?

201. I NEED MY SPACE.

202. THIS IS PRINCESS CLARA

203. CALLING FOR THE KING OF INSURANCE.

204. YES, I'D LIKE TO REPORT

205. A FAKE GAY MARRIAGE.

206. AND I'D LIKE TO REPORT A GREAT SET OF TITS.

207. I'D DONE THE RIGHT THING

208. AND GAY MARRIED SPANKY FOR THE INSURANCE.

209. THOSE PILLS WORKED GREAT, DOC.

210. NOW THE ONLY FEVER I HAVE

211. IS DISCO FEVER!

212. HEY, YEAH, WHOO! HA HA!

213. A FEW MORE WEEKS OF TREATMENT, AND YOU'LL BE CURED.

214. HEALTH INSURANCE ROCKS!

215. YOU CAN THROW OUT YOUR CONDOMS

216. AND REALLY START LIVING LIFE!

217. HEY, YOU WANT TO GO PLAY IN THAT MEDICAL WASTE DUMP?

218. LOOK AT ME!

219. I'M MAKING MEDICAL WASTE ANGELS!

220. I CUT MYSELF.

221. I HATE TO SPOIL YOUR FUN, SPANKY,

222. BUT THE KING OF INSURANCE IS COMING

223. TO VERIFY YOUR SO-CALLED MARRIAGE.

224. SOON, YOUR WHOLE SINFUL SCAM WILL BE OVER.

225. TA-TA!

226. GREAT, NOW I'M GONNA LOSE MY INSURANCE.

227. I'LL BE MORE DISEASED THAN DUMPY THE WASTE MAN!

228. KILL ME!

229. MY TEST SCORES CAME!

230. 580?

231. LING-LING, WHAT THE H-E-SINGLE-HOCKEY-STICK HAPPENED?

232. I DECIDED TO SOLVE THE ASIAN-FAILING-THE- STANDARDIZED-TEST MYSTERY

233. EVEN IF I DIDN'T HAVE SOME FANCY MYSTERY SOLVING LICENSE.

234. SO, I DROVE RIGHT OVER TO THAT BOARD OF EDUCATION PLACE,

235. EVEN IF I DIDN'T HAVE SOME FANCY DRIVER'S LICENSE.

236. NOW, THOSE ARE SOME FAT RIDES

237. FOR STATE EMPLOYEES.

238. HMM...

239. SEEMS LIKE YOU CAN MAKE LOTS OF CHEDDAR

240. IN THE EDUCATION RACKET.

241. PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!

242. AND DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT

243. WAVING THEM AROUND LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE.

244. OH, LORDY!

245. OH, THIS IS NOT THE CHAFING DISH WE REGISTERED FOR!

246. MOTHER FUCKER!

247. WOULD YOU SHUT UP? I'M SO DEAD.

248. NOW THE KING OF INSURANCE IS GONNA KNOW WE'RE NOT REALLY MARRIED.

249. ALL RIGHT, CALM DOWN. ALL WE NEED TO DO

250. IS MAKE IT LOOK LIKE WE'RE MARRIED.

251. AND NOTHING SAYS "JUST FAKE GAY MARRIED"

252. LIKE A FAKE GAY HONEYMOON!

253. SAY CHEESE!

254. CHEESE! CHEESE!

255. THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE, KING OF INSURANCE.

256. OH, WELL, OF COURSE.

257. IF THERE'S A FAKE MARRIAGE FOR THE INSURANCE,

258. THEN I MUST PUT A STOP TO IT.

259. WE DON'T WANT NAZIS RIDING ON DINOSAURS, DO WE?

260. WELL, THEY SEEM LIKE PANSIES TO ME.

261. OH, THEY'RE TOTALLY ACTING.

262. WELL, THEN I'LL NEED SOME PROOF OF YOUR MARRIAGE.

263. CHECK OUT THESE HONEYMOON PICTURES.

264. WE TRAVELED AROUND THE WORLD!

265. GOING AROUND THE WORLD DOESN'T PROVE THEY'RE GAY MARRIED.

266. THE MOON ISN'T GAY MARRIED.

267. I CAN ASSURE YOU, YOUR HIGHNESS,

268. WE'RE A VERY COMMITTED COUPLE.

269. YES, WE EVEN ADOPTED ONE OF THOSE PHILIPPINO BABIES.

270. WHAT? THAT'S JUST A PIECE OF PAPER

271. WITH THE WORD "BABY" WRITTEN ON IT.

272. DON'T MAKE FUN OF OUR LITTLE TIMMY.

273. He's sensitive.

274. Baby voice: SOMEDAY, WHEN I GROW UP,

275. I'M GONNA BE AN ORIGAMI SWAN.

276. YOU'LL SEE!

277. A BIG, BEAUTIFUL ORIGAMI SWAN.

278. SO FUCK YOU!

279. WELL, I MUST SAY

280. YOU DO HAVE VERY IMPRESSIVE EVIDENCE.

281. COME ON, SPANKY'S NOT GAY.

282. IF HE'S SO GAY, LET'S SEE HIM DO THE HAT DANCE.

283. YOU'RE THINKING OF THE MEXICANS.

284. THE GAYS HAVE THE BUTT SEX.

285. WELL, THEN LET'S SEE YOU DO THAT.

286. WHOA, YES!

287. PLEASE DO.

288. GOD DAMN IT. I SHOULD'VE DONE THE HAT DANCE.

289. AAH!

290. WELCOME, MISS LOVE.

291. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU IS?

292. I IS...

293. THE BOARD OF EDUCATION.

294. HOLY CRAP!

295. YOU FROM THE SCHOOLHOUSE ROCK! GANG.

296. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON AROUND HERE?

297. NOW THAT YOU'VE BEEN CAPTURED,

298. IT'S SAFE TO TELL YOU OUR PLAN.

299. BEING THE GENIUS THAT I AM,

300. I COMBINED 2 TIME-HONORED AMERICAN METHODS

301. OF ACHIEVING WEALTH—

302. SELLING STUPID STUFF TO SUCKERS

303. AND EXPLOITING THE BLACK MAN.

304. SO, YOU SEE WHY WE CAN'T LET BLACKS PASS THE SATs.

305. NO EDUCATED PERSON WOULD SPEND MONEY

306. ON GOLD RIMS, PURPLE LEATHER SEATS,

307. AND FLIP-DOWN LCD SCREENS FOR $3,000 GEOS.

308. YOU RACIST BLOCKHEAD!

309. YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING THAT STUPID.

310. OH, YEAH?

311. WELL, AS WE SPEAK,

312. MY SECRET WEAPON IS ON A TRAIN,

313. SET TO DISTRIBUTED THROUGHOUT THE COUNTRY

314. TO MAKE SURE NO BLACK PERSON

315. EVER PASSES THEIR SATs

316. EVER AGAIN.

317. GOOD-BYE, FOXXY LOVE.

318. OOPS. WRONG LEVER.

319. AAH!

320. SO... DARLING...

321. ARE YOU READY?

322. IRONICALLY, THE ONLY WAY

323. I COULD GET RID OF THE VIRUS

324. WAS TO HAVE GAY SEX.

325. I TRIED TO THINK OF THE SEXIEST THOUGHTS I COULD

326. TO GET THE BLOOD FLOWING.

327. MM-HMM. ALL RIGHT.

328. NEXT. DONE AND DONE.

329. HUH? WHAT THE—

330. OK. MM-HMM.

331. INDEEDY-DEED.

332. COOKIE FLIP.

333. WELL, HELLO, HELLO, HELLO.

334. BUT NOTHING SEEMED TO WORK.

335. KING, I'M NOT GAY!

336. YOUR INSURANCE IS HEREBY...

337. R-R-R-R-R-R-REVOKED!

338. HMM!

339. OH.

340. OK.

341. HMM.

342. AAH!

343. LING-LING!

344. HIYA!

345. WAAH!

346. HIYA!

347. AAH!

348. OH, LING-LING,

349. YOU SAVED MY ASS.

350. NO!

351. WITH LING-LING DEAD,

352. I COULD ONLY THINK OF ONE THING—

353. MAN, THAT LING-LING PELT

354. SURE WOULD MAKE SOME PIMPIN' SEAT COVERS!

355. BUT THERE WAS NO TIME FOR THAT NOW.

356. I HAD TO PUT A STOP TO THE BOARD OF EDUCATION.

357. HUH?

358. HUH? HMM?

359. LET'S SEE.

360. WHERE IS THIS SECRET WEAPON?

361. AHA!

362. THE SHIPMENT IS ON A CARGO TRAIN

363. LEAVING CLEVELAND AT 4:30 AT A SPEED OF 50 MILES PER HOUR.

364. IT'S HEADED TO CINCINNATI, WHICH IS 70 MILES AWAY.

365. WHAT TIME WILL THE TRAIN REACH CINCINNATI?

366. "A," 5:15;

367. "B," 5:25;

368. "C"-- OH, I CAN'T DO THIS!

369. LING-LING!

370. MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT, LING-LING.

371. MAYBE I CAN DO THIS!

372. HMM, LET'S SEE.

373. I'M GONNA GET 38 MILES, CARRY THE 2,

374. TAKE AWAY THE MINUS, ADD A SEMICOLON,

375. PUT THAT DOT ON THE LEFT SIDE.

376. UM... UH...

377. THE ANSWER IS "D"!

378. "D," RIGHT! IT'S "D"!

379. 5:20. I KNEW I COULD DO IT.

380. WAIT!

381. MR. KING! LOOK!

382. MARRIAGE ISN'T ABOUT HAVING SEX.

383. UH, ASK ANY MARRIED PERSON.

384. HOO-HOO, THAT'S SO TRUE.

385. IT'S ABOUT CARING AND SHARING

386. AND BEING THERE FOR EACH OTHER.

387. NOW, XANDIR AND I

388. MAY NEVER HAVE HAD GAY SEX,

389. BUT WE DIDN'T DO THOSE OTHER THINGS, EITHER.

390. SO, PUNISHING ME WOULD BE LIKE

391. PUNISHING EVERY MARRIED PERSON

392. WHO NEVER DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

393. SPANKY HAM...

394. YOUR CONVOLUTED LOGIC

395. HAS SWAYED ME.

396. I HEREBY ISSUE YOU

397. HEALTH INSURANCE COVERAGE

398. PERMANENTLY AND IR-R-R-R-R-R-REVOCABLY.

399. OH, YOU DID IT, MY DARLING HUSBAND!

400. I GOT HEALTH INSURANCE FOREVER!

401. OH, HEY!

402. LET'S GO TELL DUMPY THE WASTE MAN!

403. HEY, DUMPY! GUESS WHAT!

404. KILL ME!

405. NOW, FOXXY MIGHT NOT BE GREAT

406. WITH NUMBERS OR WORDS OR STUFF,

407. BUT SHE GREAT AT PULLIN' TRAINS OVER.

408. WOW, FOXXY, YOU CAUGHT THE BOARD OF EDUCATION.

409. WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO NAIL HIM FOR MONTHS.

410. HEH HEH! HOW'D YOU DO IT?

411. I HAD HELP FROM A FRIEND—

412. A DEAD FRIEND.

413. AND NOW TO UNCOVER THE BOARD OF EDUCATION'S

414. ULTIMATE RACIST WEAPON.

415. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

416. WE INVENTED A MENTHOL, GRAPE-FLAVORED, NUMBER 2 PENCIL.

417. BLACK TEST-TAKERS WOULDN'T BE ABLE

418. TO RESIST EATING THEIR WRITING UTENSILS,

419. SO THEY'LL NEVER FINISH THE EXAM.

420. DAMN. JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT RACISM

421. COULDN'T GET ANYMORE RACISMER...

422. YOU REALLY THINK BLACK PEOPLE WON'T BE ABLE TO STOP THEMSELVES

423. FROM EATING THESE GRAPE-FLAVORED MENTHOLATED PENCILS?

424. ACTUALLY, THEY DO SMELL KINDA NICE.

425. MAYBE IF I JUST HAVE A LITTLE NIBBLE...

426. CONGRATULATIONS, FOXXY.

427. WE'RE GIVING YOU AN HONORARY MYSTERY-SOLVING BADGE.

428. MYSTERY-SOLVING BADGE?

429. IF YOU GOTS A BADGE THAT CAN SOLVE MYSTERIES,

430. WHAT YOU NEED FOXXY FOR?

431. SEEING SPANKY TREAT XANDIR WITH NEWFOUND RESPECT

432. MADE ME REALIZE...

433. 2 MEN CAN BE AS CLOSE AS A MAN AND A WOMAN.

434. AND MAYBE, JUST MAYBE,

435. ONE LITTLE GAY MARRIAGE WON'T RUIN THE WORLD.

436. CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE —www.ncicap.org—