1. L'HAL L'NAI
SHALL PASS OVER,
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2. AND MAY SENOR L. RON HUBBARD
WATCH OVER US ALL.
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3. AMEN.
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4. AMEN!
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5. OOH, GROSS!
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6. WHAT THE HELL
IS THAT SMELL?
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7. THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS
THE SWEET PUNGENT AROMA
OF DOO-DOO FECES.
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8. HI, GUYS. WHAT'S GOING ON?
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9. WOOLDOOR, WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU HIDING?
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10. UM, NOTHING.
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11. AHEM.
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12. OOH!
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13. LIVE ACTION POO.
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14. WOOLDOOR, HAVE YOU
BEEN SNEAKING OFF
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15. TO THE LIVE
ACTION FOREST AGAIN?
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16. I, UH, WELL, UH,
BROUGHT IT HOME
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17. 'CAUSE I THOUGHT THEY'D
MAKE NICE SLIPPERS.
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18. IT'S AN HONEST MISTAKE.
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19. WOOLDOOR, YOU BEST STAY AWAY
FROM THE LIVE ACTION FOREST.
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20. IT'S DANGEROUS.
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21. NOW, CLEAN UP THIS CRAP.
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22. THEY ALMOST
FOUND OUT ABOUT YOU.
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23. I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I'D DO IF I LOST YOU.
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24. YOU UNDERSTAND ME
BETTER THAN ANYONE,
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25. EVEN THE FIRE FAIRY.
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26. BUT WHAT ABOUT
ALL THOSE COOL FIRES
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27. WE STARTED TOGETHER,
WOOLDOOR?
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28. OOH, YOU GOT TROUBLE.
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29. UH, GUYS,
I NEED A FAVOR.
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30. MY TEN-YEAR CAMP
REUNION IS COMING UP.
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31. WHAT KIND OF CAMP?
FAT CAMP?
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32. YES.
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33. IT'S NOT FUNNY.
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34. FAT CAMP WAS THE SADDEST,
DARKEST CHAPTER
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35. IN THE TRAGIC COOKBOOK
THAT IS MY LIFE.
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36. EVEN AT FAT CAMP,
I DIDN'T FIT IT.
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37. I WASN'T FAT ENOUGH.
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38. THEN ONE DAY THE COOLEST
AND FATTEST GIRLS IN CAMP
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39. SPOKE TO ME.
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40. THEY ACTUALLY
SPOKE TO ME.
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41. YOU'RE TOOT, RIGHT?
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42. YES.
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43. YOU SEEM PRETTY COOL,
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44. AND WE THOUGHT MAYBE
WE COULD GET YOUR HOPES UP
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45. BY INVITING YOU TO OUR TABLE
AND THEN GIVING YOU
A DEVASTATING WEDGIE,
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46. EMBARRASSING YOU
IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE CAMP.
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47. WHAT DO YOU THINK?
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48. REALLY? ME?
I'D LOVE TO.
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49. Toot's voice: NO ONE
COULD HAVE PREDICTED
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT.
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50. AH!
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51. AHH!
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52. I HAD TO BE RUSHED
TO THE HOSPITAL,
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53. BUT BY THE TIME I
GOT THERE, IT WAS TOO LATE.
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54. THERE'S NOTHING
ELSE WE CAN DO.
WE HAVE TO AMPUTATE.
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55. OH, MY GOD! AAH!
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56. I WASN'T
CONFUSING THIS MEMORY
WITH A TOM CRUISE MOVIE.
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57. I RETURNED
TO CAMP DISGRACED.
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58. BABY KILLER!
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59. I DIDN'T DIE
THAT SUMMER IN FAT CAMP.
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60. BUT SOME DAYS,
I WISH I'D HAD.
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61. SO WHICH ONE OF YOU GUYS WILL
GO TO MY REUNION WITH ME
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62. AND PRETEND TO BE
MY DOCTOR HUSBAND?
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63. UH...
UH-OH.
OH.
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64. IS THAT HOW YOU
TREAT A VETERAN?
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65. GODDAMN IT!
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66. HEY, BUDDY!
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67. WHEE!
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68. I PUT SOME
PEANUT BUTTER ON MY BALLS
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69. SO YOU'LL HAVE MORE INCENTIVE
TO CHASE AFTER THEM
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70. WHEN I PUT THEM ON MY ASS.
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71. UH, BUDDY?
WHERE DID YOU GO?
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72. SACRE BLEU!
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73. UH, BUDDY, BUDDY,
BUDDY, BUDDY. UH-OH.
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74. WOOLDOOR, IS THIS
YOUR LIVE ACTION COW?
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75. HE FOLLOWED ME HOME.
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76. AND NOW
HE'S MY BEST FRIEND.
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77. YOU CAN'T KEEP
A LIVE ACTION COW
IN THE HOUSE.
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78. LOOK AT THE MESS HE MADE.
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79. AND EVERYBODY KNOW
LIVE ACTION AND
ANIMATION DON'T MIX.
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80. JUST LOOK AT MY FEET...
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81. OR MY TEETH...
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82. OR XANDIR'S ASS.
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83. BUT LIVE ACTION COW
IS MY BEST FRIEND
IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD.
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84. AREN'T YOU, WHISKERS?
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85. OH, I LOVE IT
WHEN HE DOES THAT.
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86. I'M SORRY, WOOLDOOR,
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87. BUT WE'S TAKING
THAT LIVE ACTION COW
BACK WHERE HE BELONG—
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88. THE LIVE ACTION FOREST.
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89. NO! PLEASE.
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90. NOW THAT HE'S GOT
MY STINK ON HIM,
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91. THE OTHERS
WON'T TAKE HIM BACK.
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92. HE'S GOT MY STINK!
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93. MY LIFE SUCKS.
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94. NONE OF THE GUYS WILL GO
TO MY REUNION WITH ME
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95. 'CAUSE I'M TOO FAT.
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96. I WAS SO UPSET THAT I
LOCKED MYSELF IN THE ATTIC
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97. AND GORGED
ON COTTON CANDY.
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98. BUT THEN
I DISCOVERED SOMETHING.
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99. WOW! A BOOK OF CHEAT CODES.
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100. I CAN MAKE VIDEO GAME
CHARACTERS DO ANYTHING!
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101. LIKE SUPER JUMP.
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102. UP, UP, DOWN, DOWN,
LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT,
B, A, B, A, START.
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103. OH, HI, TOOT.
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104. WHOA. OR SUPER JUMP
WITH BIG HEAD.
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105. OH, HEY, WHAT'S UP, TOOT?
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106. OR NEWBORN XANDIR
WITH SUPER JUMP
AND SOFT SPOT ON HEAD.
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107. WAAH!
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108. OR WHAT ABOUT... OOH!
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109. ESCORT A FATTY
TO HER 10-YEAR REUNION.
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110. WITH SUPER JUMP.
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111. MY LADY, I WOULD LIKE
TO ESCORT YOU
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112. TO YOUR CAMP REUNION.
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113. WHAT KIND OF CAMP?
A FAT CAMP?
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114. HA-HA-HA-HA!
HA HA HEE HEE!
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115. OH. SURE.
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116. Wooldoor's voice:
I TRIED TO FORGET
LIVE ACTION COW,
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117. BUT IT SEEMED
EVERYWHERE I TURNED,
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118. THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE
TO REMIND ME OF HER.
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119. AND NOW TO PERFORM
THE CELEBRATORY
TRUFFLE SHUFFLE.
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120. I REALIZED I COULDN'T LIVE
WITHOUT LIVE ACTION COW.
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121. I'M COMING!
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122. LIVE ACTION COW!
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123. LIVE ACTION COW!
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124. LIVE ACTION COW,
IS THAT YOU?
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125. OH, MY GOD!
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126. THE MOST FEARED OF ALL
LIVE ACTION CREATURES—
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127. A LIVE ACTION SQUIRREL
WITH BIG BALLS!
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128. WOOLDOOR, STAY STILL.
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129. WE'S ALL IN GRAVE DANGER.
DON'T MOVE.
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130. UH-OH.
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131. LIVE ACTION SQUIRREL
WITH BIG BALLS
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132. IS ABOUT TO ATTACK!
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133. AND THERE'S NO WAY
TO FIGHT BACK.
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134. IT CLEARLY HAS NO VULNERABLE
AREAS ON HIS WHOLE BODY.
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135. I CAN'T OUTRUN A SQUIRREL.
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136. BUT IT WON'T MATTER
AS LONG AS I CAN OUTRUN YOU.
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137. AH!
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138. SAVE YOURSELVES.
AAH-AAH-AAH-AAH!
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139. HERE IT COMES!
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140. AAH!
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141. LOOK, GUYS.
IT'S LIVE ACTION COW.
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142. LIVE ACTION COW IS
SPRINGING INTO ACTION.
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143. LOOK OUT
FOR THOSE BIG BALLS!
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144. CAREFUL, GIRL.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE
THOSE BALLS HAVE BEEN.
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145. I'VE NEVER SEEN
2 ANIMALS FIGHT
SO FEROCIOUSLY.
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146. OH, NO.
LIVE ACTION COW IS HURT.
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147. BUT LIVE ACTION COW
ISN'T GIVING UP.
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148. HE'S FIGHTING BACK...
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149. AND WINNING.
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150. LOOK. LIVE ACTION SQUIRREL
WITH THE BIG BALLS
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151. IS RUNNING AWAY.
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152. MORE LIKE
LIVE ACTION PUSSY
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153. WITH BIG BALLS.
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154. LIVE ACTION COW
HELP SAVED THE DAY.
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155. YIPPEE!
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156. THANK GOD I'M
IN THE OTHER STORY.
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157. THIS SURE BRINGS BACK
A LOT OF MEMORIES,
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158. LIKE THE TIME
I WON THAT TROPHY.
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159. WELL, WELL, WELL, IF IT
ISN'T TOOT BROWN STAIN.
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160. OH, TOOT.
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161. THERE YOU ARE, HONEY.
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162. JELLY DOUGHNUT BABES,
MEET MY HUSBAND,
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163. DR. XANDIR.
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164. YOU BAGGED YOURSELF
A ONE-CHIN?
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165. NO FUCKING WAY.
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166. THERE YOU ARE.
MY LOVING WIFE.
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167. MMM.
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168. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
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169. THAT TOOT IS UP TO SOMETHING,
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170. AND NOTHING IS GONNA STOP ME
FROM FINDING OUT WHAT THAT—
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171. CRUMB!
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172. Captain Hero's voice:
LIVE ACTION COW HAD
SAVED ALL OUR LIVES
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173. AND EVERYONE LOVED HER,
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174. ESPECIALLY ME.
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175. I'VE ALWAYS DREAMED
OF MEETING A WOMAN
WITH 6 PENISES.
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176. YOU'RE SUCH
A PRETTY COW.
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177. WE LOVE YOU.
NICE HORSEY.
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178. THERE YOU GO, GIRL. GIRL?
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179. GUYS, LIVE ACTION COW'S
ACTING REALLY WEIRD.
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180. LET ME SEE.
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181. RED EYES, FOAMING MOUTH.
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182. ZIKES! LIVE ACTION COW
HAS RABBIS!
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183. IT'S PRONOUNCED "RABIES,"
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184. ALTHOUGH THEY'RE BOTH
INCURABLE DISEASES.
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185. SHE MUST HAVE GOTTEN RABIES
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186. FROM LIVE ACTION SQUIRREL
WITH BIG BALLS.
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187. WOOLDOOR,
I'M SORRY, BABY,
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188. BUT ONCE THEY START
FOAMING AT THE MOUTH,
THERE'S NO SAVING 'EM.
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189. THE ONLY THING YOU
CAN DO IS TAKE 'EM OUT
BEHIND THE WOODSHED
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190. AND PUT A BULLET
THROUGH THEY SKULL.
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191. OH, LITTLE TIMMY.
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192. MOMMY MISSES YOU.
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193. YOU MEAN WE HAVE
TO K-K-KILL LIVE ACTION COW?
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194. NO. YOU HAVE TO K-K-KILL
LIVE ACTION COW.
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195. I'D AIM BETWEEN
THEM SWEET BROWN EYES
AND COVER ITS MOUTH
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196. SO HE CAN'T SAY,
"MAMA, PLEASE,
I AIN'T GOT NO RABIES.
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197. I WAS JUST BRUSHING
MY TEETH LIKE YOU SAYS."
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198. UHHH!
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199. HEY, HEY, HEY.
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200. DINNER IS NOW SERVED.
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201. OH, XANDIR.
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202. LIKE A BOWL
OF PLAIN OL' SALAD BOWL,
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203. YOU'VE TURNED
A NIGHTMARE INTO A DREAM.
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204. I DON'T KNOW WHY
I DECIDED TO COME HERE,
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205. BUT I'M GLAD I DID.
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206. OH, YOU HAVE A LITTLE PIECE
OF GOAT ON YOUR CHEEK.
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207. IS IT GONE?
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208. HERE. LET ME GET IT.
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209. THERE. NOW YOU'RE PERFECT.
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210. MM. MMM.
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211. MMM!
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212. "THE LEGEND OF XANDIR
CHEAT BOOK."
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213. OH. I KNEW IT.
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214. HUH?
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215. HMM.
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216. AAH!
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217. CAN I HAVE YOUR
ATTENTION, PLEASE?
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218. IT'S TIME
TO CROWN THIS YEAR'S
KING AND QUEEN FATTY.
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219. AND THE WINNERS ARE...
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220. XANDIR AND TOOT.
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221. IN YOUR FACE
YOU FAT FUCKERS!
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222. I CROWN THEE
KING AND QUEEN FATTY—
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223. HUH?
OH, NO!
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224. EH, HONEY,
IS SOMETHING WRONG?
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225. OH. AH.
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226. OHH!
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227. MY FELLOW FATTIES,
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228. BEFORE YOU BOW DOWN TO YOUR
NEW KING AND QUEEN, KNOW THIS.
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229. SHE'S BEEN CONTROLLING
THIS SO-CALLED
DOCTOR HUSBAND OF HERS
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230. WITH THIS VIDEO GAME
CHEAT BOOK.
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231. OBSERVE.
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232. HOW DOES THAT HELP
WITH VIDEO GAMES?
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233. TOOT, HOW COULD YOU
MANIPULATE ME LIKE THAT?
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234. I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND.
MY FAT FRIEND.
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235. XANDIR, NO. WAIT!
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236. I DID IT!
I SHOT LIVE ACTION COW.
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237. AND NOW SHE'S DEAD!
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238. DEAD!
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239. SO TELL ME. DID YOU...
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240. WHAT? NO. WHY
WOULD I DO THAT?
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241. SHE WAS MY FRIEND.
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242. SO SHE'S OUT THERE DEAD
IN THE WOODS,
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243. HER MILKY,
WHITE SUPPLE UDDER
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244. JUST LYING IN SOME
REMOTE FOREST CLEARING?
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245. DIBS!
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246. AH!
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247. WE INTERRUPT THIS SCENE
WITH AN IMPORTANT
PLOT TWIST UPDATE.
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248. A RABID LIVE ACTION COW
IS ON A KILLING SPREE
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249. THROUGHOUT
THE CARTOON UNIVERSE.
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250. WE TAKE YOU LIVE
TO SPRINGFIELD, CONNECTICUT.
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251. AAH! AAH-AAH!
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252. THANK YOU, TOM.
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253. OUR POLICE SKETCH ARTIST
HAS COME UP WITH THIS
COMPOSITE OF THE MAD COW.
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254. I'M SO SORRY.
I COULDN'T DO IT.
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255. IF YOU DIDN'T DO IT,
THEN WHY ARE YOU
COVERED IN BLOOD?
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256. FUNNY STORY, ACTUALLY.
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257. I HAD THE SHOTGUN AT
THE LIVE ACTION COW'S FACE,
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258. BUT I LOVED HER TOO MUCH
TO PULL THE TRIGGER.
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259. SO I JUST SHOT OFF
INTO THE WOODS.
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260. AND IT TURNED OUT I HIT A GUY
WHO WAS DRIVING A TRUCK,
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261. A TRUCK FILLED WITH BIRDS.
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262. I TRIED TO HELP
THE POOR SCHMUCK,
BUT IT WAS TOO LATE.
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263. TELL MY WIFE AND KIDS
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264. I LOVE 'EM.
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265. AHH!
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266. I COULDN'T IGNORE
THE MAN'S DYING WISH,
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267. SO I DID WHAT ANYONE WOULD DO.
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268. I GUTTED THE DEAD TRUCKER
AND WORE HIS BODY AS A SUIT.
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269. HONEY, THANK GOD
YOU'RE HOME.
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270. WE THOUGHT SOMETHING
HAD HAPPENED TO YOU.
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271. WHERE ARE THE BIRDS?
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272. I LOVE YOU, HONEY.
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273. I LOVE YOU, KIDS.
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274. UH-OH.
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275. AAH! AAH!
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276. ANY KINDHEARTED CHRISTIAN
WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME.
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277. BE THAT AS IT MAY,
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278. YOUR LIVE ACTION COW
IS ON A RABIES-INDUCED
KILLING SPREE,
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279. AND WE GOT TO STOP HER.
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280. ALL RIGHT, GANG,
LET'S GO.
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281. WAIT!
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282. PLEASE, PLEASE
DON'T BE MAD AT ME.
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283. I HAVE NEVER
FELT SO USED.
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284. I'M SORRY.
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285. I KNOW. I'M THE WORST.
I HAD TO USE A CHEAT BOOK
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286. JUST TO GET SOMEONE
TO COME TO FAT CAMP WITH ME.
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287. I SUCK.
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288. NOBODY LOVES ME.
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289. WELL, THAT'S NOT
ENTIRELY TRUE, TOOT.
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290. I MEAN, JESUS
PROBABLY LOVES YOU.
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291. WHAT ABOUT OUR KISS
AT THE DANCE?
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292. THAT WAS BECAUSE
OF THE CHEAT BOOK.
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293. BUT, TOOT, YOU DIDN'T
HAVE THE CHEAT BOOK THEN.
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294. OH, MY GOD.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
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295. SO YOU'RE ACTUALLY
ATTRACTED TO ME?
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296. UM...
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297. YEAH. I GUESS.
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298. REALLY?
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299. SO YOU WOULD ACTUALLY
STICK IT IN ME?
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300. UM...
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301. YEAH. I GUESS.
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302. OH, XANDIR.
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303. PROVE IT!
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304. Foxxy's voice: LIVE ACTION COW
WAS ON A RABIES-INDUCED
KILLING SPREE,
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305. AND IT WAS UP TO US
TO TRY AND STOP HER.
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306. WELL, THAT'S
WHAT THEY GET
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307. FOR CONSTANTLY HAVING
A GAY OL' TIME.
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308. OH, DAMN IT.
WE HAVE TO STOP
THIS CRAZY THING.
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309. WHERE ARE WE?
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310. CHILD, THIS IS SOUTH PARK.
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311. NOW, THIS PLACE
IS FUNNY.
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312. I BET IF WE LIVED HERE,
MORE PEOPLE WOULD WATCH.
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313. EVENTUALLY,
THE TRAIL LED US
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314. TO THE ONE PLACE
WE NEVER EXPECTED.
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315. MOO!
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316. HE CAME HOME.
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317. TAKE AIM, MEN.
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318. WAIT. YOU MUSTN'T.
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319. SHE'S MY FRIEND.
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320. NOW, SON, STEP ASIDE.
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321. WE'RE GONNA KILL THAT COW
IF WE HAVE TO SHOOT
RIGHT THROUGH YOU.
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322. FINE. GO AHEAD.
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323. FINE. WE WILL.
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324. THEN DO IT.
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325. I AM.
- GO ON.
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326. WE'RE GOING.
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327. THEN DO IT.
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328. I'M DOING IT.
- NO YOU'RE NOT.
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329. WATCH ME.
- I AM WATCHING.
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330. OK.
- I'M WAITING.
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331. HERE IT IS.
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332. MORE LIKE HERE IT ISN'T.
THAT WAS LAME.
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333. YOU'RE LAME.
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334. FIRE!
UH-OH.
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335. GUYS, LOOK.
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336. LIVE ACTION COW IS JUMPING
IN FRONT OF WOOLDOOR
IN SLOW MOTION.
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337. AAHHHHHH!
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338. LIVE ACTION COW!
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339. OH!
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340. I LOVE YOU.
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341. I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU
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342. AND ALL THE THINGS
YOU GAVE ME—
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343. LIVE ACTION MILK,
LIVE ACTION CHEESE,
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344. AND LIVE ACTION LOVE.
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345. GOOD-BYE—OH,
AND LIVE ACTION YOGURT.
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346. GOOD-BYE.
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347. OH, WOOLDOOR,
I'M SO SORRY.
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348. BUT I HOPE YOU LEARNED
A VALUABLE LESSON.
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349. I SURE HAVE.
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350. LOVING SOMEONE SOMETIMES
MEANS SAYING GOOD-BYE
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351. AND THAT HELPING FAT COWS
ONLY BRINGS MISERY.
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352. AHHHHH.
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353. YOU FELT ALMOST
AS GOOD INSIDE ME
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354. AS I DID INSIDE YOU.
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355. PLEASE DON'T TALK RIGHT NOW.
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356. SO DOES THIS MEAN
WE'RE A COUPLE?
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357. NO. HELLO. I'M GAY.
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358. BUT IF YOU WEREN'T?
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359. OH, TOOT, OF COURSE NOT.
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360. BUT I'M YOUR FRIEND
AND I CARE ABOUT YOU,
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361. SO I TOSSED YOU
A MERCY FUCK.
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362. I'LL TAKE THAT.
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363. HEY HEY HEY GUYS,
TOOT'S GETTIN' LAID.
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364. TOOT FOUND A THIN MINT
WHO WILL BANG DOUBLE STUFFS?
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365. CHARGE!
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366. AAHHH!
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367. DON'T PUT THAT IN THERE!
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368. JUST ONE FINGER! JUST ONE!
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369. OUCH! OW! OH!
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370. I'M DIRTY!
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371. DIRTY! NEVER
TO BE CLEAN AGAIN!
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372. CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
—www.ncicap.org—
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