Drake & Josh 4x5

Directed by Adam Weissman

Brie Gabrielle as Jasmine • Marisa Guterman as Goth Girl • Harry Karp as Horrace • Peter Kwong as Mr. Curtis • Allie Rivera as Tammy

Drake teases Josh that he can't get girls. So, Drake and Josh make a bet to see how many girls each of them can date in just one week. The rules are, every date must last at least one hour, you can't date someone you already know, and you can't date the same person twice.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT? HEY, HOW ARE YOU DOING?

2. JOSH IS A SILLY BROTHER. BUT HE ALWAYS THINKS HE CAN BEAT ME AT EVERYTHING.

3. SO, GUESS WHAT WE BET TODAY? HE BET ME THAT HE COULD PAINT A PICTURE OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN IN A BIKINI

4. BEFORE I COULD STACK 150 CANS OF TUNA FISH INTO A PYRAMID.

5. THAT HE COULD STACK 150 CANS OF TUNA FISH INTO A PYRAMID BEFORE I COULD PAINT A PICTURE

6. OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN WEARING A BIKINI. FOUR CANS TO GO.

7. OH, MAN. JOSH IS PROBABLY ALMOST FINISHED. FIVE SECONDS TO PYRAMID.

8. WHOOPS.

9. MY TUNA. TA-DA.

10. HEY, JOSH. WHAT'S UP, GAVIN? SOME HIPPIE'S WASHING

11. HIS FEET IN THEATER SEVEN. HELEN WANTS HIM OUT. SO GO GET THE HIPPIE.

12. CAN'T. GOT TO CALL MY BARBER. WHY? IT'S ABOUT MY HAIR.

13. SO I GO HOME

14. THINKING EVERYTHING'S FINE. DRAKE, DRAKE, DRAKE, DRAKE, DRAKE. HANG ON A SECOND.

15. SO, MY FOOT'S TOTALLY STUCK

16. IN THERE, RIGHT? I'M FREAKING OUT. THE DOG'S HAVING A SEIZURE. I STILL GOT HALF A PIE LEFT.

17. COME HERE. DUDE, I'M IN A MIDDLE OF A STORY.

18. THERE'S YOUR STORY. WHOA. THAT'S A HEALTHY GIRL.

19. HOW HOT IS SHE? I'LL LET YOU KNOW. WA-WA-WAIT.

20. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M GOING TO GO ASK HER OUT. WELL, MAYBE I WANT

21. TO ASK HER OUT. COME ON MAN, LOOK AT HER. SHE'S RIDICULOUSLY HOT. DON'T YOU THINK

22. SHE'S A LITTLE MORE MY SPEED? SHE COULD BE MY SPEED. ALL RIGHT.

23. YOU KNOW, YOU SAW HER FIRST, SO I GUESS IT'S ONLY FAIR THAT— HOW ARE YOU DOING?

24. MY NAME'S DRAKE. I WAS JUST WONDERING IF MAYBE YOU GUYS— AHH, OOH.

25. HEY, WHAT'S THE HAPS? I'M JOSH. JUST SAYING IF MAYBE YOU WANTED

26. TO HANG OUT SOMETIME—

27. STOP IT.

28. I GOT THE HIPPIE.

29. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU. DUDE, LET IT GO. YOU DON'T THINK I CAN GET GIRLS?

30. YOU WANT A SODA? I'M NOT THE SAME LITTLE GOOFY KID THAT MOVED IN WITH YOU THREE YEARS AGO.

31. I KNOW. GOOD. YOU'RE TALLER.

32. LOOK, I CAN GET JUST AS MANY GIRLS AS YOU CAN. WELL, YEAH, MAYBE. YOU KNOW IF I WERE IN A COMA.

33. OH, REALLY? YOU WANT TO BET? A BET TO SEE WHICH ONE OF US CAN GET MORE GIRLS?

34. YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. OH, OKAY. YES. I WANT TO BET. MEGAN.

35. WHAT ARE YOU CALLING HER FOR? OH, I WANT A WITNESS TO THIS. DUDE, JUST GIVE UP BEFORE YOU EMBARRASS YOURSELF.

36. OH, NO. NO, I NEVER GIVE UP BEFORE I EMBARRASS MYSELF.

37. WHAT? DRAKE AND I ARE MAKING A BET. OH, GOD.

38. THE BET IS, TO SEE WHICH ONE OF US CAN DATE THE MOST GIRLS IN ONE WEEK.

39. ME OR DRAKE. STOP LAUGHING.

40. NOW, THE RULES ARE— EACH DATE MUST LAST AT LEAST ONE HOUR AND YOU CAN'T DATE ANY GIRL

41. YOU ALREADY KNOW AND YOU CAN'T DATE THE SAME GIRL MORE THAN ONCE. NOW, DO YOU UNDERSTAND

42. AND ACCEPT THESE RULES AS I'VE EXPLAINED THEM TO YOU? THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE AT BACKING OUT—

43. DO YOU UNDERSTAND AND ACCEPT THESE RULES? YES, IT'S A BET.

44. OKAY. AND IF I WIN I— WE SWITCH BEDS.

45. WHOA, NO WAY. I'M DRAKE, OKAY? I SLEEP IN THE COOL BED.

46. AFRAID YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE? OKAY, FINE. FINE, BUT IF I WIN, THEN I GET YOUR PERFECT ATTENDANCE TROPHY.

47. WHY WOULD YOU WANT MY PERFECT ATTENDANCE TROPHY? BECAUSE IF I HAVE IT,

48. THEN YOU WON'T, AND THAT— WILL DESTROY YOU. OH YOU ARE A SICK, SICK, BOY.

49. WELL, IS IT A BET OR NOT? IT'S ON. AND ONE WEEK STARTS—NOW.

50. YOU'LL SEE. I'LL HAVE FIVE DATES BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP TONIGHT. YOU'LL SEE.

51. HE FELL DOWN THE STAIRS.

52. AGAIN.

53. HEY, THANKS. I'LL CALL YOU. WILL YOU COME ON? YOU'RE JUST MAD

54. BECAUSE I GOT THAT GIRL'S PHONE NUMBER. ELEVEN? OH MAN,

55. SHE FORGOT TO WRITE DOWN THE REST OF THE NUMBER. YEAH. FORGOT.

56. HELP YOU FIND SOMETHING? OH NO, I GOT— —NO, I GOT IT.

57. SPARKS, NICE. YES, I SAW THEM LIVE LAST WEEK AT "THE PYTHON." NO WAY, I WAS THERE.

58. OH YEAH, YOU WERE THE GUY IN THE CROWD LISTENING. YEAH, THAT WAS ME. I WAS KIDDING.

59. I KNOW. COME ON. I'LL RING YOU UP.

60. OKAY. SO, I WAS THINKING LIKE, MAYBE, YOU AND ME COULD GO GET A BURGER OR SOMETHING.

61. I'M A VEGETARIAN. THAT'S COOL, GOOD FOR ANIMALS.

62. GOOD FOR COLON. LET'S SEE—"SPARKS, LIVE FROM THE BLACK ROCK."

63. THAT'LL BE $904. WHOA, THAT SEEMS A LITTLE HIGH.

64. HOW ABOUT $10, AND YOU COME AND LISTEN TO THIS WITH ME.

65. WILL THERE BE SNACKS? THERE WILL BE SNACKS. OKAY.

66. OKAY. HOW ABOUT SOME ICE CREAM? I'M LACTOSE INTOLERANT. I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

67. COME ON, YOU GOT TO EAT SOMETHING. HEY, I'M TALKING TO YOU,

68. HEY, SLOW DOWN.

69. IT'S STILL A LITTLE ROUGH. YOU KNOW, I GOT TO REMIX IT AND STUFF— YOU WROTE THAT SONG?

70. UH-HUH. YOU LIKE IT? I LOVE IT, ESPECIALLY THAT CHORD PROGRESSION AT THE END. HOW'D THAT GO?

71. YOU PLAY GUITAR? I KNOW. WOW, WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO? I CAN PUT A CHERRY STEM

72. IN MY MOUTH AND TIE IT IN A KNOT. OH, THE ULTIMATE TEST

73. OF A GOOD KISSER. I'LL RACE YOU. GO.

74. HUH. HUH. I WAS FIRST. YEAH, HALF A SECOND.

75. HMM, SO I'M HALF A SECOND BETTER KISSER THAN YOU ARE.

76. WELL, PROVE IT.

77. HMM, I CAN TIE A KNOT IN A CHERRY STEM. THE ULTIMATE TEST OF A GOOD KISSER.

78. ARE YOU OKAY? DID I HIT YOU TOO HARD? NO, NO, IT WAS JUST MY SPINE.

79. HEY, LISTEN, YOU USED TO BE A GIRL. HEY, THANKS.

80. NO, I MEANT WHEN YOU WERE MY AGE, WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO GO OUT WITH A GUY? IS THIS ABOUT THAT BET

81. YOU HAVE WITH DRAKE? MEGAN TOLD ME. MEGAN—

82. LOOK, I REALLY DON'T APPROVE OF YOU USING GIRLS AS POINTS IN A CONTEST. NO, I JUST WANT TO SHOW DRAKE

83. THAT HE'S NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN GET DATES. OKAY. LET'S GO. WHERE?

84. THE PREMIERE. I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU SOME TIPS ON PICKING UP GIRLS.

85. I DON'T KNOW, I MEAN, HAVING YOUR MOM TEACH YOU HOW TO PICK UP GIRLS. IT'S KIND OF PATHETIC.

86. YOU COMING? YUP.

87. SO? SEE ANY GIRLS YOU LIKE? YEAH. THAT ONE OVER THERE.

88. IN THE GREEN SWEATER. OKAY. HERE'S WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO. GO.

89. I WANT YOU TO WALK UP TO HER. GIVE HER A COMPLEMENT. THEN JUST WALK AWAY. WALK AWAY?

90. WALK AWAY. BUT HOW AM I GOING TO GET HER— DO IT.

91. OKAY.

92. HELLO. HI. I'M JOSH. WHATEVER.

93. THOSE ARE REALLY COOL SHOES. THANKS. LATER.

94. HEY, WAIT UP. YUP. YOU JUST TELL ME I HAVE COOL SHOES

95. THEN WALK AWAY? WELL, YEAH, THEY'RE COOL. WHY? I DON'T KNOW.

96. I MEAN, I THOUGHT YOU WERE HITTING ON ME. NO. NO, I JUST REALLY

97. LIKE THOSE SHOES. OH. WELL, YOU WANT TO CALL ME SOMETIME?

98. OKAY.

99. WOW. ALL SEVEN DIGITS. HUH? NOTHING.

100. NOTHING. I WILL CALL YOU. I'LL CALL YOU. ALL RIGHT.

101. I JUST KNOW HOW GIRLS WORK. SEE, IF YOU'RE REALLY NICE BUT YOU DON'T TRY TO ASK THEM OUT,

102. THEY DON'T FEEL PRESSURED, THEN THEY CHASE AFTER YOU. YOU ARE A WIZARD.

103. OH. CUTE BLONDE. PURPLE PURSE. GO GET HER, BOY.

104. HEY, HEY. WE NEED TO TALK. DUDE, I WAS JUST

105. ABOUT TO GO OVER THERE. LOOK, I WANT TO CALL OFF THE BET. OH, DO YOU?

106. YEAH, YEAH. YOU KNOW THE GIRL I MET AT SPINNERS THE OTHER DAY?

107. CARLY? LOOK, I REALLY LIKE HER. OR MAYBE YOU'RE JUST AFRAID YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE.

108. DUDE, I'M BEING SERIOUS, ALL RIGHT? WE HUNG OUT ALL DAY YESTERDAY, TODAY, AND TONIGHT WE'RE—

109. SO? SO SHE'S AWESOME. AND I JUST WANT TO FOCUS ON HER, ALL RIGHT?

110. IT'S LIKE I'VE NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE. SORRY, BRO, BUT YOU MADE A BET, ALL RIGHT.

111. AND THE TERMS— I KNOW THE TERMS, OKAY? WHOEVER DATES THE MOST GIRLS IN A WEEK WINS.

112. BUT I'M TELLING YOU— THE MOST GIRLS? CARLY, HEY. I WAS JUST TELLING JOSH—

113. I'M JUST PART OF A BET? NO, CARLY. AND WHAT NUMBER GIRL AM I? THE 11th?

114. FIFTEENTH? HOW MANY GIRLS HAVE YOU DATED THIS WEEK? I'M WORKING ON NUMBER TWO.

115. LOOK, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. OH, I UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING. ALL THAT STUFF YOU SAID

116. ABOUT ME BEFORE WAS A LIE. CARLY. LEAVE ME ALONE.

117. REMOVE.

118. I GOT A PERM.

119. CAN I TALK TO YOU? CAN I HELP YOU FIND A CD? SERIOUSLY. HA.

120. SERIOUSLY. I'M NOT FAMILIAR WITH THAT BAND. WHY DON'T YOU CHECK IN THE "S" SECTION.

121. PLEASE? LOOK, I REALLY LIKE YOU. AND I REALLY LIKED YOU TILL I FOUND OUT I WAS JUST PART

122. OF A BET. LOOK, WHEN I MET YOU I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THAT. OH, COME ON.

123. YOU MAKE A BET WITH YOUR BROTHER TO SEE WHO CAN DATE THE MOST GIRLS IN A WEEK, AND THEN YOU ASK ME OUT.

124. I MEAN, I'M SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THAT WAS JUST A COINCIDENCE? YOU LIED TO ME, DRAKE. NO, I DIDN'T LIE.

125. YOU PRETENDED TO LIKE ME, AND IT WASN'T REAL. AND THAT MAKES YOU A LIAR. OKAY, I WASN'T PRETENDING.

126. WHY ARE YOU SO HUNG UP ON THIS? BECAUSE I'VE DATED GUYS WHO LIE, AND I AM NOT GOING THERE AGAIN.

127. OKAY, FINE. FINE. YOU WANT TO SEE HOW HONEST I AM? I'LL SHOW YOU HONESTY. YOU HAVE BAD TASTE IN MUSIC.

128. AND YOU, YOU SMELL WEIRD. THE CITY SHUT OFF MY WATER. OKAY.

129. THAT'S NOT HONESTY. THAT'S JUST BEING RUDE TO PEOPLE. WELL, YOU KNOW IT'S ALL TRUE.

130. HEY, HEY, THIS IS PRIVATE LEMONHEAD. GOOD-BYE, DRAKE.

131. MAN, I'M SITTING HERE ALL ALONE AND JOSH IS PROBABLY OUT ON A BIG MONTAGE OF DATES.

132. OR NOT? I DON'T KNOW. ARE WE?

133. BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T INVITE US TO YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTY. WELL, DID YOU INVITE ME TO YOURS?

134. YES. DON'T YOU REMEMBER? YOU SHOWED UP, ATE MY FUDGE CAKE AND TOOK A NAP IN MY BED.

135. CAN WE JUST DO THIS? FINE. JUST LIKE WE PLANNED.

136. A WALLET, HUH? YEAH. AND IT'S FULL OF CASH. LET'S KEEP IT.

137. KEEP IT? NO, WE HAVE TO FIND OUT WHO THIS BELONGS TO.

138. AH, LET'S SEE. AH, IS THERE A CRAIG RAMIREZ, HERE?

139. I'M CRAIG RAMIREZ. AH, WELL, HERE'S YOUR WALLET, WHICH YOU MUST HAVE DROPPED.

140. BUT DON'T WORRY, ALL OF YOUR MONEY'S IN THERE. THANKS, YOU'RE REALLY HONEST.

141. OH, CARLY. HEY, HEY, WHEN DID YOU GET HERE? OKAY, THAT WAS PATHETIC.

142. WHAT? YOU REALLY THOUGHT YOU COULD TRICK ME INTO THINKING YOU'RE HONEST?

143. THAT'S BAD? YES. YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE THE FIRST CLUE

144. WHAT HONESTY IS. DID YOU TAKE MY MOM'S CREDIT CARD?

145. CAN YOU HELP ME GET THIS GUM OUT OF MY HAIR? NO, I'M NOT TOUCHING

146. YOUR MAN PERM. I TOLD YOU, I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO LEAVE WORK.

147. JUST GIVE ME 10 MINUTES. WAIT. AND AFTER THAT, IF YOU STILL WANT ME

148. TO LEAVE YOU ALONE, I SWEAR I WILL NEVER BOTHER YOU AGAIN. TEN MINUTES. HEY, EVERYBODY.

149. COULD I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE, OVER HERE, EVERYONE. LOOK, I KNOW I HAVEN'T TALKED

150. TO A LOT OF YOU IN A WHILE AND YOU'RE ALL PROBABLY WONDERING WHY YOU'RE HERE.

151. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WE'RE WONDERING. OH, IT'S SO NICE

152. TO SEE YOU, MRS. FUTCH. HOW'S YOUR CAT? DEAD.

153. OKAY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THIS. OKAY.

154. LOOK, I HAVE A FEW THINGS TO TELL YOU. I HAVEN'T ALWAYS BEEN COMPLETELY HONEST WITH YOU.

155. OH, REALLY. OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. BUT THE THING IS, IS I'M GOING TO BE

156. COMPLETELY HONEST FROM NOW ON. RIGHT. SO MR. CURTIS—

157. MY FIFTH GRADE SCIENCE TEACHER. I WAS THE ONE WHO PUT THE BAG OF GERBILS IN THE TRUNK

158. OF YOUR CAR. I KNEW IT. AND TAMMY—

159. EX-GIRLFRIEND— WHEN I BROKE UP WITH YOU, IT WASN'T BECAUSE I WAS MOVING TO SWITZERLAND, OKAY?

160. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE SWITZERLAND IS. SOUTH OF GERMANY,

161. EAST OF FRANCE. OH, THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

162. GAVIN, THE GUY WHO WORKS HERE. I PUT THE GUM IN YOUR PERM.

163. GOOD ONE. CRAIG AND ERIC, NERDS. CRAIG, IT WASN'T ERIC

164. WHO TOLD THE REST OF THE SCHOOL YOU SHOWER IN YOUR BATHING SUIT. IT WAS ME.

165. I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T DO IT. COME HERE. MRS. FUTCH, CRAZY LADY WHO LIVES ON MY STREET.

166. OKAY, IT WAS MY FAULT THAT MY DAD'S CAR RAN INTO YOUR MAILBOX,

167. NOT JOSH'S. UNBELIEVABLE. AND NOW, JOSH.

168. OH NO. MY BROTHER. LOOK MAN, I KNOW WE FIGHT SOMETIMES,

169. BUT YOU'RE MY BROTHER AND I LOVE YOU. AND I USE YOUR TOOTHBRUSH ALMOST EVERY MORNING.

170. YUCK.

171. AND OMAR— OKAY, I GET THE POINT. YOU CAN BE HONEST. LOOK, AND I'M NOT DONE.

172. WELL, ME, ASKING YOU OUT I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT BET, HONESTLY. ALL RIGHT, EVERY MOMENT

173. WE SPENT TOGETHER WAS COMPLETELY REAL. LOOK, I REALLY LIKE YOU, ALL RIGHT?

174. DO YOU BELIEVE ME?

175. ALL RIGHT, YEAH, YOU GUYS CAN GO NOW.

176. WELL, WHILE YOU KEEP KISSING YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND, I'M GOING TO GO BACK HOME AND MOVE MY SPECIAL PILLOW

177. ONTO YOUR BED. WHAT? WELL, I'VE HAD 22 DATES THIS WEEK, AND I BELIEVE

178. YOU'VE ONLY HAD ONE. OKAY, YEAH, I GUESS YOU GET MY BED. ALL RIGHT, YOU WIN.

179. I WIN? I GOT MORE GIRLS THAN DRAKE. JOSH NICHOLS IS NO LONGER

180. A CATERPILLAR. HE IS A BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY.

181. SEE YOU GUYS AT HOME.

182. I GOT IT.

183. MAN, I'M THIRSTY.

184. OW. OW. WANT TO SWITCH BACK? PLEASE?

185. GOOD NIGHT.

186. GOOD NIGHT.

187. CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE TRANSCRIPTION COMPANY BURBANK, CA WWW.TRANSCRIPTS.NET