Drake & Josh 4x4

Directed by Adam Weissman

Lou George as Mr. Farrow • Lazarus Jackson as Painter • Michael Kopelow as Delivery Guy • Paul Rust as Ethan • Scott Halberstadt as Eric Blonowitz

Mindy tells Josh that she loves him and Josh slams the door in her face and runs to Drake, but Drake tells Josh that she is just trying to distract him so she can win the Science Fair.

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1. OK. WOMEN... SOMETIMES CAN BE TRICKY. GIRLS ARE SO EASY

2. TO FIGURE OUT.

3. LIKE, WHEN I WAS IN THE FOURTH GRADE, THIS GIRL NAMED BECKY HUMMUS SAID SHE HAD A CRUSH ON ME.

4. LIKE LAST YEAR, THIS GIRL, ALISON FLETCHER, ASKED ME OUT. BUT BECKY DIDN'T REALLY LIKE

5. ME. BUT ALISON WASN'T REALLY INTO ME. SHE JUST KNEW THAT EVERY DAY

6. IN MY SACK LUNCH I BROUGHT DOODLE CAKES. SHE WAS JUST TRYING TO MAKE HER EX-BOYFRIEND JEALOUS.

7. I WAS BEING USED. I WAS BEING USED.

8. THAT SEMESTER, SHE ATE ALMOST EVERY DOODLE CAKE I BROUGHT TO SCHOOL. THEN SHE GOT BACK TOGETHER

9. WITH HER EX-BOYFRIEND. BY THE END OF FOURTH GRADE, SHE WEIGHED OVER 200 POUNDS.

10. I KIND OF MISSED ALISON, SO I STARTED MAKING OUT WITH HER SISTER. AND NOW, BECKY HUMMUS WEARS

11. GIGANTIC PANTS. I THINK HER SISTER KISSES EVEN BETTER. YOU KNOW, THEY MAKE FAT FREE

12. DOODLE CAKES NOW. I WONDER IF THEY HAVE A THIRD SISTER? BUT IT'S TOO LATE FOR BECKY.

13. OK, SO I THINK WE SHOULD SET THE TRANSFORMER TO 125 VOLTS. YEAH, I DON'T THINK WE'RE GONNA NEED THAT MUCH POWER IF

14. WE'RE USING MIRRORS TO HYPER FOCUS THE PULSE BEAM. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M HYPER FOCUSING ON RIGHT NOW?

15. TELL ME. YOUR LIPS. JOSH, YOU MAKE ME TINGLE LIKE A 5 JIGAWATT CAPACITOR.

16. HEY, JOSH. WHACK JOB. UNDERACHIEVER. WHAT IS ALL THIS STUFF?

17. THEY ARE ITEMS FOR OUR SCIENCE FAIR PROJECT. PAWS OFF! WAIT.

18. YOU TWO ARE WORKING TOGETHER ON A SCIENCE FAIR PROJECT? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BIG RIVALRY BETWEEN YOU TWO?

19. WELL, NOW THAT WE'RE A COUPLE, WE DECIDED TO COMBINE OUR BRAIN POWER AND WORK AS A TEAM.

20. YEAH. WE'RE BUILDING A HYPERBOLIC PHOTON CANNON. WOW!

21. I'M HUNGRY. AND NOW THAT HE'S GONE. HEY! OW!

22. WHAT DO YOU WANT? THERE ARE A COUPLE OF GUYS OUTSIDE STEALING YOUR BIKE. OH!

23. AND I JUST LUBED THE CHAIN. HANDS OFF MY RIDE!

24. MAYBE I SHOULD CALL THE POLICE. NAH. NOBODY'S STEALING HIS BIKE.

25. WHAT'D YOU TELL HIM THAT FOR? YOU GOT HIM ALL UPSET FOR NOTHING. YEAH.

26. IF YOU OPEN UP YOUR MIND, IT'S GONNA TAKE SOME TIME TO REALIGN BUT IF YOU LOOK INSIDE

27. I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND, OVER YOUR SHOULDER, YOU KNOW THAT I TOLD YOU I'LL ALWAYS BE PICKING YOU UP

28. COOL LAPTOP. THANKS. EW, WHAT WEBSITE IS THIS? THAT'S SKIN ILLNESSES.COM.

29. I WAS JUST LOOKING UP SOME STUFF FOR MY BIOLOGY HOMEWORK. WHY IS THIS GUY'S FACE ALL PURPLISH?

30. HE'S GOT THE BANGKOK RIVER RASH. SWEET! WHAT'S SWEET?

31. WHAT ARE YOU EATING? A BIG COOKIE. THAT WAS MY BIG COOKIE.

32. WANT IT BACK?

33. HEY, UH, THIS SKIN DISEASE WEBSITE. YEAH. EMAIL ME THE LINK, WOULD YOU?

34. ARE YOU GONNA DO SOMETHING BAD TO DRAKE? PROBABLY. EXCELLENT.

35. THERE WAS NO ONE STEALING MY BIKE. I KNOW. LATER.

36. HEY, UH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE PLASMA COIL? RECALIBRATING THE PULSE RATE TO 70 MEGAHERTZ.

37. I THOUGHT WE AGREED ON 50 MEGAHERTZ TO KEEP THE PHOTON BALL SMALL. WILL YOU TRUST ME ON THIS.

38. I HAVE WON THE SCIENCE FAIR THE PAST 5 YEARS IN A ROW.

39. I KNEW IT. WHAT? YOU DON'T RESPECT MY SCIENTIFIC INTELLECT.

40. OF COURSE I DO. LOOK, OBVIOUSLY WE BOTH HAVE TOTALLY DIFFERENT IDEAS WHEN IT COMES TO HYPERBOLIC PHOTON

41. CANNON RAYS, SO... WHY DON'T WE EACH JUST MAKE OUR OWN PHOTON CANNON FOR THE SCIENCE FAIR?

42. WELL... AND THAT WAY, WE CAN SPEND LESS TIME ARGUING AND MORE TIME KISSING.

43. OOH... OK. WE'LL EACH MAKE OUR OWN PHOTON CANNON.

44. THAT'S MY BOY. OOH, I BETTER GET HOME. AH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. IT'S ALMOST 10:30.

45. NOW ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OK WITH THIS? ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OK WITH THIS?

46. VERY OK WITH THAT.

47. I LOVE YOU.

48. SEE YOU IN CHEMISTRY.

49. 2 FOR 2. DRAKE! HANG ON. I'M BUSY. MINDY JUST TOLD ME

50. SHE LOVES ME. WHAT?

51. MINDY TOLD YOU SHE LOVES YOU? YES! OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

52. OH, NO. OH, NO, NO, NO. OK, NOW YOU TELL ME. TELL ME EXACTLY HOW YOU

53. RESPONDED WHEN MINDY SAID, I LOVE YOU. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, SO, I JUST SAID,

54. SEE YOU IN CHEMISTRY, AND THEN I SLAMMED THE DOOR IN HER FACE. JOSH, WHEN A GIRL SAYS, I LOVE YOU, THAT IS THE TIME TO

55. CUT AND RUN.

56. YOU MEAN BREAK UP WITH HER? YES. NOW, THERE ARE A FEW WAYS YOU CAN DO THIS.

57. DRAKE, I DON'T WANT TO BREAK UP WITH HER. YOU COULD FAKE YOUR OWN DEATH.

58. NOW THAT'S THE CLEANEST WAY, BUT IT MIGHT FREAK MOM AND DAD OUT. YOU'D HAVE TO MOVE TO ANOTHER STATE.

59. DRAKE, WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME. YOU COULD ALWAYS BECOME A WOMAN, BUT IT INVOLVES ALL THAT SURGERY, AND THEN YOU'D HAVE

60. TO— DRAKE! WHAT IF I LOVE HER BACK?

61. WHY'D YOU SLAP ME? 'CAUSE YOU'RE TALKING CRAZY. I MIGHT LOVE HER.

62. WHOA, YOUR CHEEKS MAKE DIFFERENT SOUNDS WHEN THEY'RE SLAPPED. WHAT?

63. CHECK IT OUT. THEY'RE LIKE A SEMI-TONE APART.

64. ARE YOU DONE ASSAULTING MY FACE? DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK YOU MIGHT BE IN LOVE WITH MINDY?

65. I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE. I GOTTA THINK THIS THROUGH.

66. OH, AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? WHAT?

67. "SKIN DISEASES." LET'S SEE. "DERMA TEMECULITIS. A RARE SKIN AFFLICTION WHICH CAUSES THE HANDS AND FEET TO

68. TURN A SICKLY GREENISH COLOR." NICE. CURE, CURE, CURE. AH.

69. "THE ONLY KNOWN CURE REQUIRES AN UNUSUALLY PAINFUL SERIES OF INJECTIONS BY NEEDLE INTO THE AFFLICTED AREAS."

70. AWESOME. "THERE ARE SOME RUMORED HOME REMEDIES, BUT THEY'RE HIGHLY UNPLEASANT AND MAY OR MAY NOT BE

71. AFFECTED IN CURING DERMA TEMECULITIS."

72. INTERESTING.

73. MINDY, IT'S GREAT THAT YOU LOVE ME, AND, AND... AND I HAVE STRONG FEELINGS FOR YOU, TOO, BUT, NO THAT SOUNDS

74. LAME, UH...

75. MINDY... I AM IN THE PROCESS OF BECOMING A WOMAN, SO I WORRIED— OH, MY GOD, JOSH!

76. WHAT'S WRONG, WHAT HAPPENED? WHOA! WHY ARE YOUR HANDS GREEN? I DON'T KNOW.

77. I WOKE UP, WENT TO THE BATHROOM, AND MY HANDS WERE GREEN. DID YOU TRY WASHING THEM?

78. YEAH. FOR 10 MINUTES, MAN, I EVEN USED SOAP. JUST CALM DOWN.

79. WE'LL LOOK IT UP ONLINE. I'M JUST GONNA GO AROUND YOU. HURRY. OK.

80. I'LL GO TO, UH, WHAT'SWRONGWITHMYBODY.COM WHAT'SWRONGWITHMYBODY.COM? I HAVE IT BOOKMARKED.

81. AND WE'LL GO TO SKIN ILLNESS, GREEN, HANDS, GROSS. WHAT'S IT SAY? DERMA TEMECULITIS.

82. WHAT'S THAT? "A RARE SKIN DISEASE THAT CAUSES THE HANDS AND FEET TO TURN A SICKLY GREENISH COLOR."

83. ALL RIGHT, WELL, I DON'T HAVE THAT BECAUSE MY FEET ARE ALL GREEN! WHOA!

84. JUST SHOW ME HOW TO CURE IT. OK, OK, OK. OK, IT SAYS HERE, THAT THE ONLY KNOWN CURE FOR DERMA TEMECULITIS

85. IS A SERIES OF UNUSUALLY PAINFUL INJECTIONS BY NEEDLE. OH, MAN. I HATE UNUSUALLY PAINFUL

86. INJECTIONS. WE BETTER GET YOU TO A DOCTOR. OH, NO WAY.

87. DUDE, AS SOON AS MOM AND DAD FIND OUT— THEY ARE NOT GONNA FIND OUT, OK?

88. WHAT ELSE DOES IT SAY? OK, UH... OK, IT SAYS HERE THAT SOME DOCTORS CLAIM SUCCESS CURING

89. DERMA TEMECULITIS BY TREATING THE INFLICTED AREAS WITH ZYFOLIC ACID. WHERE DO I GET ZYFOLIC ACID?

90. ZYFOLIC ACID CAN BE FOUND IN THE URINE OF MOST LIZARDS. AWESOME. SO I JUST GOT TO STICK MY HANDS

91. AND FEET IN... LIZARD URINE?

92. HEY, PUDDING CUP. HI, JOSH. YOU'RE MAD. I'M NOT MAD.

93. MY NOSE IS SLIGHTLY BRUISED FROM WHERE YOUR DOOR HIT ME IN THE FACE. I'M SORRY.

94. IT'S JUST THAT... WHEN YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME, IT KIND OF CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD. YEAH, THAT WAS JUST THE

95. IMPRESSION I GOT WHEN YOU RESPONDED BY SAYING, "SEE YOU IN CHEMISTRY," THEN RUNNING AWAY LIKE A FRIGHTENED LITTLE GIRL.

96. I KNOW YOU WANTED ME TO SAY I LOVE YOU BACK, BUT I JUST DON'T THINK I SHOULD SAY IT UNLESS I'M SURE I FEEL IT, YOU KNOW?

97. OK. FAIR ENOUGH. I MEAN, I DON'T WANT TO PUSH YOU INTO SAYING SOMETHING YOU DON'T

98. MEAN, SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST THINK ABOUT IT OVER THE WEEKEND. I'M NOT IN ANY RUSH. OH, REALLY?

99. REALLY. YOU'RE THE BEST. I KNOW. ALL RIGHT.

100. I GOTTA GO DO SOME WORK. YOU, ZIP UP YOUR PANTS.

101. HEY, MAN. GOT THE LIZARDS. OH, COOL, COOL. SO WHEN DO YOU GET THE URINE?

102. UH, THAT WOULD BE UP TO THE LIZARDS. HEY, SPEAKING OF COLD-BLOODED REPTILES, HOW DID IT GO WITH

103. MINDY? GREAT. I JUST TOLD HER THE TRUTH. GOOD.

104. SO YOU BROKE UP WITH HER. NO. I TOLD HER I WASN'T SURE HOW I WAS FEELING, AND SHE GAVE ME THE

105. WEEKEND TO THINK ABOUT IT.

106. DUDE, NO GIRL TELLS HER BOYFRIEND SHE LOVES HIM AND IS THAT COOL WHEN HE DOESN'T SAY IT BACK.

107. SHE WAS. DUDE, I'M TELLING YOU, THAT'S AN IMPOS-

108. WAIT A SECOND. AREN'T YOU TWO SUPPOSED TO BE FINISHING UP YOUR SCIENCE FAIR PROJECTS THIS WEEKEND?

109. YEAH, SO? SO, SHE'S MESSING WITH YOUR HEAD, MAN. SHE'S TRYING TO DISTRACT YOU SO

110. SHE CAN BEAT YOU AGAIN. DRAKE, MINDY'S NOT LIKE THAT, OK, AND I'M SURE SHE'S JUST AS DISTRACTED BY THIS AS I AM.

111. I DON'T APPRECIATE YOU— HI, GUYS. HEY. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

112. WHAT'S ALL THIS? JUST SOME COMPONENTS FOR MY SCIENCE FAIR PROJECT. GOT A LOT OF WORK TO DO THIS

113. WEEKEND. LATER. YEAH. SHE LOOKS PRETTY DISTRACTED.

114. YOU'RE RIGHT. THIS WHOLE "I LOVE YOU" THING IS JUST A SCHEME TO WIG ME OUT SO I WON'T BE ABLE TO FOCUS ON MY

115. PROJECT. I TOLD HIM SO. WELL, I WILL NOT WIG, OK? YEAH, 'CAUSE THIS IS THE YEAR

116. THAT MINDY CRENSHAW WILL FINALLY BACK DOWN TO MY SUPERIOR SCIENTIFIC ABILITY. DUDE, CHECK YOUR ZIPPER.

117. MAN, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS THING? WHY DOES IT KEEP SLIPPING DOWN?

118. ETHAN, YOU MADE A WATERMELON LAMP LAST YEAR. THIS ONE'S SEEDLESS. DISQUALIFIED.

119. WHO'S NEXT? AH, FINALLY SOMEONE DECENT. MINDY CRENSHAW. THANK YOU, MR. FARROW.

120. MY PROJECT THIS YEAR IS A FULLY OPERATIONAL PHOTON CANNON. OOH... IMPRESSIVE.

121. PLEASE, DEMONSTRATE. GLADLY. OBSERVE THE PAPER.

122. OH, MINDY. YOU NEVER DISAPPOINT. NO, I DON'T.

123. EXCELLENT. EXCELLENT WORK. OK, LAST UP, WE HAVE JOSH NICHOLS.

124. RIGHT OVER HERE. WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR US? WELL, MR. FARROW, I, TOO, HAVE BUILT A

125. PHOTON CANNON. BUT I THINK YOU MIGHT FIND MINE A BIT MORE IMPRESSIVE THAN MINDY'S.

126. PLEASE OBSERVE THE 1-INCH THICK BOARD... OF WOOD. BYE BYE, BOARD.

127. HELLO, FIRST PRIZE.

128. THANK YOU! THANK YOU, I KNOW. THANK YOU.

129. MY GOODNESS. IN MY 26 YEARS OF TEACHING, THAT MAY BE THE MOST IMPRESSIVE DISPLAY OF SCIENTIFIC

130. HOLE BURNING I'VE EVER SEEN. I THINK THE CHOICE IS CLEAR. JOSH NICHOLS, I HEREBY AWARD YOU FIRST PRIZE.

131. THANK YOU, MR. FARROW. ALL RIGHT, IN TRUE SCIENCE FAIR TRADITION, EVERYONE'S INVITED TO THE NEXT ROOM FOR

132. JUICE AND PUDDING.

133. CONGRATULATIONS. YOU FINALLY BEAT ME. IS SOMEONE UPSET THEIR LITTLE PLAN DIDN'T WORK, HMM?

134. EXCUSE ME? I KNOW WHAT YOU TRIED TO PULL. GOOD, THEN TELL ME,

135. 'CAUSE I DON'T. THE WHOLE "I LOVE YOU" THING. YOU DIDN'T MEAN IT. YOU WERE JUST TRYING TO RATTLE

136. ME SO YOU COULD BEAT ME IN THE SCIENCE FAIR AGAIN. WELL, HA HA, AND HA.

137. OK, LOOK, I WAS NEVER GONNA TO TELL YOU THIS. NEVER GONNA TELL ME WHAT? I LET YOU WIN.

138. YEAH, RIGHT. IT'S TRUE. WHY WOULD YOU LET ME WIN? BECAUSE I FELT BAD THAT I'D

139. BEATEN YOU FOR THE PAST 5 YEARS, AND I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THIS SCIENCE FAIR IS TO YOU, SO I WANTED YOU TO WIN FOR ONCE.

140. YOU MAKE ME LAUGH. WELL, YOU WANT TO LAUGH HARDER?

141. LAUGH AT THIS.

142. SEE. I WASN'T LYING. ABOUT ANYTHING.

143. THERE WE GO. ALL RIGHT. "TO EFFECTIVELY TREAT DERMA TEMECULITIS WITH ZYFOLIC

144. ACID, THE AFFLICTED AREAS MUST BE SUBMERGED FOR AT LEAST 45 MINUTES. OK.

145. EW...

146. OH... OK, LIZARD PEE, DO YOUR THING. EW...

147. WOW, I SHOULD'VE TURNED THE TV ON FIRST.

148. I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT THE HOLE IN THE WALL. OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT. I ALMOST GOT IT FIXED.

149. WHY ARE YOU GIVING ME THIS? 'CAUSE YOU EARNED IT. I'LL GET A BLUE RIBBON AND A TROPHY WHEN I EARN IT.

150. I'M SORRY. FOR? NOT BELIEVING THAT YOU REALLY MEANT IT WHEN YOU SAID YOU

151. LOVED ME. HOW COULD YOU THINK I'D MAKE THAT UP? I DON'T KNOW, DRAKE KEEPS

152. SAYING— THAT EXPLAINS IT. YEAH.

153. MINDY, I... I CARE ABOUT YOU. A LOT, BUT... BUT YOU DON'T LOVE ME.

154. NO. I DIDN'T SAY THAT. YOU'RE THE FIRST GIRL I EVER DATED, SO...

155. I'M NOT REALLY SURE WHAT LOVE FEELS LIKE. I MEAN, 2 YEARS AGO, I LOVED MEAT LOAF.

156. NOW, I QUESTION WHETHER MEAT SHOULD EVEN BE SERVED IN THE FORM OF A LOAF. SO YOU'RE COMPARING ME TO

157. GROUND BEEF. NO...

158. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING. I THINK I DO. LISTEN, AFTER I SAID... YOU KNOW, WHAT I SAID,

159. I FELT KIND OF WEIRD ABOUT IT, TOO. YOU DID? A LITTLE.

160. I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE... MAYBE WE RUSHED US. YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND BEFORE YOU EITHER,

161. AND UNTIL WE BOTH HAD A LITTLE MORE EXPERIENCE DATING, WE CAN'T REALLY KNOW IF US IS RIGHT.

162. RIGHT? SO WHAT ARE WE SAYING HERE? MAYBE WE NEED TO TAKE A LITTLE BREAK.

163. YOU KNOW, SEE OTHER PEOPLE.

164. YEAH. BUT DOES THAT MEAN, LIKE, WE CAN'T HANG OUT, OR LIKE, TALK ANYMORE?

165. COME ON. OF COURSE WE CAN. IF YOU WANT TO. NO, I WANT TO.

166. I WANT TO, TOO.

167. SO... SO... UH, YOU KNOW, THIS PHOTON CANNON IS PRETTY IMPRESSIVE.

168. THANKS. I MEAN, HOW DID YOU GET THE PULSE BEAM TO— WAIT, DON'T!

169. I'M OUT.

170. MAN, SOAKING YOUR HANDS AND FEET IN LIZARD URINE IS SO BORING.

171. OH, IT'S YOU. CLOSE THE DOOR.

172. WHAT'S GOING ON? SWEAR NOT TO TELL MOM AND DAD? SWEAR.

173. WELL, I HAVE THIS RARE SKIN DISEASE CALLED DERMA TEMECULITIS. OH, MY GOD,

174. ARE YOU OK?

175. I WILL BE. SEE, I READ ONLINE THAT YOU CAN CURE IT BY SOAKING IN ZYFOLIC ACID.

176. WHICH IS IN LIZARD PEE. AH. OR, YOU KNOW, THERE IS ANOTHER CURE.

177. WHAT? NEXT TIME, DON'T EAT MY BIG COOKIE.

178. WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? THAT I TRICKED YOU INTO THINKING YOU HAVE A RARE SKIN DISEASE BY DYING YOUR HANDS AND

179. FEET GREEN WHILE YOU SLEPT. AND THAT YOU WERE STUPID ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY FALL FOR IT, AND THEN STICK YOUR HANDS AND FEET

180. IN BUCKETS OF LIZARD PEE. THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING. MEGAN! YOU HAVE A LITTLE SOMETHING

181. ON YOUR UPPER LIP. MY LIP, WHAT? OH! OH!

182. WAIT! WHAT? IS IT GONE?

183. HEY, JOSH. WHAT'S THAT DOING HERE? WHAT'S WHAT DOING HERE? THAT.

184. THE THING IN THE SKIRT. I'M SORRY, WHAT, WHAT'D YOU SAY, LIZARD PEE? HA HA HA.

185. FUNNY. ANYWAY, I THOUGHT YOU TWO BROKE UP. WE DID.

186. DOESN'T MEAN WE CAN'T HANG OUT AND DO HOMEWORK TOGETHER. SO, YOU TWO AREN'T GONNA BE MAKING OUT ANYMORE, BUT YOU'RE

187. STILL GONNA HANG OUT AND STUDY TOGETHER. BASICALLY. YEAH.

188. AND I'M THE DUMB ONE.

189. DRAKE, THESE BUCKETS I JUST FOUND IN YOUR ROOM. WHAT'S IN THEM? THE TRUTH.

190. LIZARD PEE. COUNSELING TWICE A WEEK. BUT, MOM, DR. STEIN MAKES ME TALK TO PUPPETS.

191. WHAT YOU DOING? I PAID YOU $10 TO STAY AWAY FROM THE SCIENCE FAIR. YEAH.

192. YOU GOT RIPPED OFF. [CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL [CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

193. —www.ncicap.org—]