Drake & Josh 4x18

1. MY NAME IS DRAKE PARKER. I'M JOSH NICHOLS. I SHOULD PROBABLY BE DOING

2. MY HOMEWORK. JUST DOING A LITTLE HOMEWORK HERE. YOU KNOW, THERE'S AN OLD SONG

3. BY THE STONES THAT SAYS, "YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT." DRAKE ALWAYS GETS

4. WHAT HE WANTS. BUT I USUALLY GET WHAT I WANT. I GUESS,

5. DRAKE'S ONE OF THOSE GUYS WHO HAS A LUCKY STAR. JOSH MAY THINK I'M THE LUCKY ONE

6. BUT I BET YOU THINGS START GOING HIS WAY. AND THE ONE THING I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON—

7. BUT ONE THING I KNOW FOR SURE— —WHENEVER I HANG OUT WITH JOSH—

8. —WHENEVER I GET MIXED UP WITH DRAKE— —THINGS ALWAYS TURN OUT— —UNUSUAL.

9. OKAY. JOSH, WHAT ARE YOU EATING?

10. ENCHILADA. WHERE'D YOU GET IT? IN THE FRIDGE, IN THE BREAK ROOM, WHY?

11. THAT'S CRAZY STEVE'S ENCHILADA. WHAT? WHY DIDN'T HE LEAVE

12. A NOTE WITH HIS NAME ON IT. THERE WAS NO NOTE. NO, NO, NOTE. OH, HERE HE COMES.

13. HI, JOSH. STEVE.

14. I, I, I, I, I, DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS YOUR ENCHILADA. I JUST SAW IT IN THE FRIDGE AND THERE WAS NO NOTE ON IT.

15. NO NOTE. IT'S ALL RIGHT.

16. I UNDERSTAND. YOU'RE NOT MAD? I THOUGHT YOU'D FLIP OUT. NORMALLY, YES.

17. I WOULD FLIP OUT. BUT MY PSYCHOLOGIST WORKED OUT A PLAN WHERE I'M ONLY ALLOWED

18. TO GET ANGRY FOUR TIMES EACH DAY. NOW'S NOT THE TIME. WHEN IS THE TIME?

19. OH, THAT'S A SECRET.

20. HEY, JOSH, WHERE DO YOU WANT I SHOULD PUT THIS MICROPHONE STAND? RIGHT THERE IS FINE.

21. I TOLD 'YA. ONE MORE WORD AND YOU'RE GOING TO STEAMBOAT SPRINGS WITHOUT ME.

22. SO DRAKE'S GONNA PERFORM A SONG HERE, TONIGHT? YEAH. HEY, YOU HEARD OF SPIN CITY RECORDS, RIGHT?

23. SURE. ONE OF THE MAIN GUYS THERE ALAN KRIM. HE'S IN FROM NEW YORK,

24. AND I GOT HIM TO COME HERE TO SEE DRAKE PLAY LIVE. HOW'D YOU HOOK THAT UP? THIS GUY WE MET IN L.A.

25. YOU THINK HE'S GONNA GIVE DRAKE A RECORD DEAL? HE MIGHT.

26. ONCE HE HEARS DRAKE'S SONG. IT'S TIME. YOU ATE MY ENCHILADA. THERE WAS NO NOTE.

27. YOU ATE MY ENCHILADA. THERE WAS NO NOTE. YOU ATE MY ENCHILADA. THERE WAS NO NOTE.

28. JOSH, HOW LONG CAN IT TAKE A YOUNG A MAN TO FIX A CORN DOG ROTISSERIE? I JUST FINISHED.

29. IT'LL WORK NOW.

30. OKAY, DON'T YELL AT ME. FIX MY CORN DOG ROTISSERIE. OR YELL. HI, HELEN.

31. OH. HEY, GIRLS. HI. HEY. WHO'S THE DUDE?

32. OH, THAT'S MY HUSBAND, WALTER. WE'VE MET, LIKE, FIVE TIMES. WELL, I DO NOT REMEMBER YOU.

33. NO ONE DOES. SO, I HEAR YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED NEXT WEEK.

34. THAT'S SO GREAT. YEAH, YEAH. THE ONLY PROBLEM IS EVERYBODY IN MY FAMILY

35. WANTS TO STAY AT MY HOUSE. BUT I JUST DON'T HAVE THAT MUCH ROOM IN MY CONDO. OH, WE HAVE PLENTY EXTRA ROOM

36. AT OUR HOUSE. OH, I CAN NEVER IMPOSE ON YOU IN THAT WAY. AH IT'S NO TROUBLE.

37. OKAY, THEN I'LL TELL MY GRANDMOTHER SHE CAN STAY AT YOUR HOUSE. JOSH.

38. OH, HEY MINDY. HEY, WHAT TIME'S DRAKE GO ON? NOBODY GOES ON TILL JOSH FIXES

39. MY CORN DOG ROTISSERIE. WELL, I CAN'T FIX IT. ALL RIGHT, THESE CORN DOGS REFUSE TO ROTATE.

40. I GOT THIS. MM-HMM. MOVE.

41. HEY, NICE GOING MINDY.

42. HEY, DRAKE'S HERE. GOOD.

43. HEY. OH, HEY, MAN. IS KRIM HERE? YEAH. YEAH, YEAH.

44. COME ON, I'LL INTRODUCE YOU. MR. KRIM? I THINK YOU KNOW WHO THIS GUY IS.

45. DRAKE PARKER, I'M VERY EXCITED TO HEAR YOU PLAY LIVE. DON'T SCREW THIS UP.

46. LOOK AT THESE CORN DOGS ROTATE. CORN DOG, PLEASE. I HOPE HE LIKES MY SONG. YOU MAKE HIM LIKE IT.

47. JUST GO UP THERE AND BLOW HIS UNDERPANTS OFF. THAT'S NOT PHRASE? IT'S GONNA BE.

48. NOW GO PLAY. ALL RIGHT. HI, YOU GUYS READY TO SHOOT THIS?

49. I'LL GET THE LIGHTS. HEY, EVERYBODY, THANKS FOR COMING BY. THIS IS A NEW SONG I WROTE

50. AND HOPE YOU LIKE IT.

51. AHA. YOU DID IT. DRAKE PARKER. MAN, YOU JUST BLEW MY UNDERPANTS OFF.

52. UH-HUH. LISTEN, I'M DRIVING UP TO L.A. TONIGHT. WHY DON'T YOU GUYS

53. COME UP ON FRIDAY MEET ME AND SOME OF THE OTHER PEOPLE AT THE LABEL. MAYBE TALK RECORD DEAL?

54. ABOUT 2:00? JUST NOD IF YOU'RE COMING. SEE YOU THERE. HE LOVED MY SONG.

55. YOU MIGHT GET A RECORD DEAL. YOU ATE MY ENCHILADA. I THOUGHT WE SETTLED THIS. YOU ATE MY ENCHILADA.

56. I THOUGHT WE SETTLED THIS. YOU ATE MY ENCHILADA. I THOUGHT WE SETTLED THIS. YOU ATE MY ENCHILADA.

57. OOH, AND, HEY, I GOT AN IDEA FOR YOUR ALBUM COVER. I ALREADY PICTURE YOU IN THE OCEAN

58. RIDING A BLACK DOLF— WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. ARE YOU EATING SUSHI OFF OF MY GUITAR?

59. YEAH? WHY? DOES IT UPSET YOU? YES.

60. WELL, THAT'S WHY. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. YOU JUST BETTER START BEING A LITTLE NICER TO US.

61. AND WHY WOULD I DO THAT? BECAUSE WE'RE DRIVING TO L.A. TODAY TO MEET WITH THE HEAD

62. OF SPIN CITY RECORDS. WHERE I MIGHT JUST GET A MAJOR RECORD DEAL, WHICH MEANS

63. I COULD BECOME A BIG STAR. YEAH. OR YOU COULD BOMB AND SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE LIVING IN THE BACK OF YOUR CAR

64. EATING DOG FOOD OUT OF A CAN. NOW, HONESTLY, WHICH SEEMS MORE REALISTIC?

65. WALTER, SHE'S HERE. OOH. WHO'S HERE? HELEN, WITH HER GRANDMOTHER.

66. OOH. HEY, CAN WE HAVE A LITTLE BETTER ATTITUDE ABOUT THIS?

67. WE'RE DOING A NICE THING FOR A SWEET OLD LADY. WHERE'S THE BATHROOM? DID YOU JUST BREAK

68. OUR DOOR IN? I RANG THE DOORBELL, I WAITED 25 SECONDS, NOBODY CAME,

69. WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? MAYBE RING THE BELL AGAIN. WHO'S THE BOY WITH THE BIG HEAD

70. LOOK LIKE A TOOTH PICK WITH A CANTALOUPE ON TOP? WHAT, ARE WE GONNA PRETEND THAT WASN'T FUNNY?

71. LULA THAT'S JOSH. HE WORKS FOR ME AT THE PREMIERE. THAT'S DRAKE. I PREFER HIM.

72. THAT'S MEGAN, MRS. PARKER, AND THIS IS, HMM— WALTER. HMM.

73. AND WHAT DO WE CALL YOU? LULA. WHERE'S THE BATHROOM? IT'S THAT RIGHT THERE THROUGH THAT DOOR.

74. WELL, THANK YOU FOR FINALLY GIVING ME THAT INFORMATION. WHOO, LORD.

75. IS SHE ALWAYS SO— BUH-BYE.

76. HOW BAD CAN IT BE? I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT LADY'S STAYING IN OUR GUEST ROOM FOR A WEEK.

77. SHE'S NOT. SHE'S GOING TO STAY IN YOUR ROOM. WHAT?

78. YOU'RE GONNA STAY IN THE BOYS' ROOM. WHAT? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE.

79. AND WHERE ARE WE GONNA STAY? YOUR ROOM'S HUGE. THE THREE OF YOU WILL BE FINE FOR A WEEK.

80. THIS IS HORRIBLE. IT'S NOT THAT BAD. OH, NO. YOU PEOPLE NEED A NEW TOILET.

81. RIGHT THIS WAY. SO YOU LIKE THE OFFICE? YEAH. YOU LIKE ME? SURE.

82. YEAH. THEN WE'RE ALL HAPPY.

83. HEY, HEY, THERE HE IS. HEY, ALAN. DRAKE, JOSH, I WANT YOU TO MEET NICK MATEO.

84. COOL. WHERE IS HE? I'M RIGHT HERE. OH, HI. NICK IS THE PRESIDENT

85. OF SPIN CITY RECORDS. OH. WE'RE SORRY, MR. PRESIDENT. CALL ME, NICK.

86. HEY, NICK. HI, NICK. HOW ARE YOU? SIT DOWN BOYS.

87. RIGHT IN THOSE CHAIRS THERE.

88. YOU KNOW, THOSE CHAIRS VIBRATE. PULL THE LEVER ON YOUR LOWER LEFT.

89. YOU LIKE THE CHAIRS? OH, ABSOLUTELY. DRAKE, I'M A STRAIGHT SHOOTER.

90. WE'D LIKE TO MAKE A RECORD DEAL WITH YOU. AND ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH DAKA SHOES?

91. YEAH. I'M ROCKIN' MY DAKA AIR PUFFS, RIGHT NOW.

92. GOOD. THE HEAD OF MARKETING AT DAKA WANTS TO USE YOUR SONG FOR THEIR NEW COMMERCIAL,

93. WHICH IS GONNA DEBUT DURING THE SUPERBOWL. HOW DOES THAT SOUND? I SAY, HOW DOES THAT SOUND?

94. BOYS?

95. I THINK WE HAVE A DEAL.

96. OKAY, JUST GONNA DO A QUICK MIC CHECK HERE. DRAKE, JUST GONNA DO A QUICK MIC CHECK. OVER.

97. YOU REALLY DON'T NEED TO SAY OVER. ROGER THAT. STOP IT.

98. SORRY. JOSH. HEY, HOW GOES IT? HEY, GREAT, GREAT, GREAT, AWESOME.

99. THIS IS DRAKE'S BROTHER— MANAGER. —AND MANAGER, JOSH. CALL DRAKE IN.

100. DRAKE, CAN YOU COME IN HERE? THIS KID'S GONNA BE HUGE. I'M TELLIN' 'YA. WHAT'S UP GUYS?

101. SO, DRAKE. THIS IS FRANK. HI, FRANK. MR. PARKER.

102. FRANK WILL BE YOUR PERSONAL ASSISTANT. ANYTHING YOU NEED, TELL FRANK. OH, COOL.

103. CAUSE I WAS A LITTLE THIRSTY, I WAS WONDERIN' IF I— ON IT. —COULD GET A SODA.

104. HE'LL BE BACK. OKAY, I JUST NEED TO GO OVER A LITTLE PAPERWORK WITH YOUR MANAGER HERE.

105. ME. SO WHY DON'T YOU GO IN THE BOOTH AND WARM UP. YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU GO

106. WARM THINGS UP IN THERE. SURE. ALL RIGHT. SO, PAPERWORK.

107. YEAH, I HATE THE STUFF BUT, YOU KNOW, LAWYERS— AH LAWYERS. ANYWAY,

108. I CAN'T START RECORDING TILL I HAVE A SIGNED CONTRACT FROM THE TALENT. AH. THE CONTRACTS.

109. YEAH, IT'S ALL STANDARD AND STUFF. LOOKS STANDARD. DRINKS FOR DRAKE.

110. ANYWAY, IT'S JUST A STANDARD CONTRACT. YOU SIGN ONCE HERE, ONCE HERE, ONCE HERE, AND ONCE HERE,

111. AND ONCE HERE, AND ONCE HERE. AND ONE— SHRIMP. OH. AND JUST RIGHT THERE.

112. LOOK AT THESE SHRIMP. YEAH. THEY'RE GREAT. SO IF YOU COULD JUST SIGN RIGHT—

113. I'VE NEVER SEEN SHRIMP THIS BIG. YEAH, I THINK THEY'RE CALLED PRAWNS.

114. PRAWNS? VERY BIG SHRIMP. YEAH, THEY ARE. LOOK AT THIS.

115. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ONE THIS BIG? IT'S A VERY BIG SHRIMP. YEAH, I'LL SAY. LOOK, I DON'T MEAN

116. TO SOUND PUSHY, BUT THIS SOUND BOOTH COSTS LIKE A THOUSAND DOLLARS AN HOUR,

117. SO IF YOU COULD JUST SIGN THE DEAL. YEAH. RIGHT THERE.

118. FLIP THE PAGE. COOL. RIGHT THERE. ALL RIGHT.

119. CAN I HAVE SOME COCKTAIL SAUCE? OH. OH, MY GOD. THEY'RE GOOD.

120. I'VE JUST NEVER SEEN SHRIMP LIKE THAT. I KNOW. THEY WERE SO BIG.

121. SO BIG. HEY, LULA. DRINK. JUICE. DID SHE JUST CALL US

122. DRINK AND JUICE? WHO CARES? I JUST GOT YOU A RECORD DEAL. OH, MAN, I KNOW.

123. COME ON. LET'S TELL EVERYBODY WE KNOW. OKAY. I CANNOT BELIEVE—

124. PLEASE DON'T SCREAM IN MY ROOM. YOUR ROOM? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO IT?

125. MOM AND WALTER SAID I HAVE TO STAY HERE TILL LULA LEAVES. AND I'M NOT GONNA SLEEP

126. IN SOME PLACE THAT'S ALL BOY-INFESTED. YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO FEMINIZE OUR ROOM.

127. YEAH. AND WHAT— WHAT IS THIS? WHY IS MY BED WEARING A SKIRT? IT'S A DUST RUFFLE.

128. I HATE IT. WELL, IF DUST RUFFLES FELT EMOTIONS, I'M SURE IT'D HATE YOU TOO.

129. AND JUST WHERE DO YOU EXPECT US TO SLEEP? I LEFT SPACE FOR YOU TWO. OVER THERE IN THE CORNER.

130. HERE? THIS IS ALL WE GET? YOU HAVE A LAMP, A FOOTBALL, AND AN AIR MATTRESS FOR TWO.

131. THAT'S ALL YOU NEED. I DEEM THIS UNACCEPTABLE. NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU DEEM, JOSH.

132. OH, YEAH? MOM AND WALTER WILL. YEAH, AND WE'RE GONNA GO TELL 'EM RIGHT NOW.

133. YEAH. THEY'RE GONNA MAKE YOU PUT OUR ROOM BACK TO THE WAY IT WAS. OKAY. THEN I'LL TELL THEM

134. THAT IT WAS YOU TWO THAT SPRAY-PAINTED THE HENDERSON'S GAZEBO. THAT WASN'T US.

135. AND WHO DO YOU THINK THEY'RE GONNA BELIEVE? YOU BOOBS OR ME? YOU KNOW—

136. OH, GIVE ME A—

137. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. QUIET DOWN, EVERYBODY. EVERYBODY, OH, CALM DOWN.

138. NOW QUIET DOWN. COME ON, NOW. SHUSH, SHUSH. LISTEN UP.

139. HELEN'S GOT SOMETHING TO TELL YOU. QUIET! THANK YOU, CRAZY STEVE.

140. NOW, I WANT TO CALL THIS MEETING BEFORE WE OPEN 'CAUSE I GOT SOMETHING TO TELL YOU, PEOPLE.

141. WE'RE EXCITED TO HEAR ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY. UH-HUH. SEE, AFTER ME AND BUZZ

142. GET MARRIED NEXT WEEK, I WILL BE CUTTING BACK ON MY HOURS HERE AT THE PREMIERE. SO I'VE DECIDED

143. TO NAME A NEW ASSISTANT MANAGER. I'VE CHOSEN A PERSON WHO IS RESPONSIBLE, HIGHLY INTELLIGENT,

144. AND HAS NO CRIMINAL RECORD. DANG IT!

145. SO NOW, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, I'D LIKE TO PRESENT THIS GOLD VEST TO THE NEW ASSISTANT MANAGER,

146. MINDY CRENSHAW. COME ON OUT HERE, MINDY. MEET THE DREGS. THERE'S YOUR LITTLE GOLD VEST.

147. NOW, I GOTTA GO TAKE MY FIANCE TO MEET THE RABBI. BUH-BYE. SEE YOU.

148. CLOSE YOUR MOUTH. BUGS COULD NEST. HOW COULD YOU? SPECIFY?

149. WELL, YOU KNOW I'VE WANTED THE ASSISTANT MANAGER JOB HERE FOR THREE YEARS. YOU KNOW IT'S MY DREAM

150. TO BE A GOLD VEST. YES, I KNOW, AND I FEEL BAD ABOUT THIS. BUT I DIDN'T GO TO HELEN,

151. ALL RIGHT? SHE CAME TO ME. PLUS, I CAN USE THE EXTRA MONEY. OH WELL, COME ON.

152. YOUR DAD'S THE NUMBER ONE DISTRIBUTOR OF SALMON ON THE WEST COAST. YOU'RE JUST SWIMMIN'

153. IN SALMON MONEY. I LIKE TO EARN MY OWN MONEY. NO, NO, NO, NO. YOU JUST LIKE TO BEAT ME

154. AT EVERYTHING, ALL RIGHT? IT GIVES YOU SOME KIND OF CHEAP THRILL. ALWAYS HAS.

155. JOSH, THAT'S NOT— YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER FELT BETTER ABOUT THE FACT THAT WE BROKE UP.

156. OKAY, I DON'T THINK YOU'RE BEING ENTIRELY FAIR. FORGET IT. I'M TAKING A BREAK.

157. OH, YOU CAN TAKE A BREAK IN 20 MINUTES. RIGHT NOW, GO CLEAN THE WOMEN'S RESTROOMS.

158. OKAY, FINE, BOSS. NOBODY BUYS SALMON ANYMORE.

159. HOWDY, BOYS. HEY ALAN, WHAT'S UP? I THINK YOU'RE GONNA BE HAPPY WHEN YOU HEAR THIS.

160. IS THAT MY SONG? IS, INDEED. WE JUST FINISHED IT LAST NIGHT. AND I THINK

161. YOU'RE GONNA LIKE WHAT YOU HEAR. PUT IT IN. POP THAT SUCKER IN. LET'S HEAR IT.

162. ENJOY.

163. WHAT DO YOU THINK? ♪ AND IT MAKES ME HAPPY ♪ WELL— I HATE IT.

164. YOU HATE IT? YEAH. IT'S NOT EVEN MY SONG. WHAT'D YOU DO TO IT? WE JUST HAD OUR BEST MIXERS

165. AND PRODUCERS WORK ON IT FOR SIX DAYS STRAIGHT. IT'S GREAT. YEAH, BUT IT'S NOT THE SONG

166. YOU SAID YOU LIKED. YEAH, IT IS. IT'S JUST BEEN IMPROVED. NO, IT'S BEEN RUINED.

167. DRAKE. WELL, DON'T DRAKE ME. THEY CAN'T DO THAT TO MY SONG. SURE, WE CAN.

168. WE HAVE A SIGNED CONTRACT THAT GIVES US COMPLETE CREATIVE CONTROL. LOOK, NO, YOU DON'T.

169. I DIDN'T SIGN ANY CONTRACT. YOUR MANAGER DID.

170. YOU SIGNED A CONTRACT?

171. AH. WE'LL LET YOU GUYS DISCUSS THIS PRIVATELY.

172. DON'T BE MAD. OH, I'M WAY PAST MAD. OH, I MADE A MISTAKE. HOW COULD YOU SIGN AWAY

173. CREATIVE CONTROL OF MY SONG? I WAS MESMERIZED BY GIANT SHRIMP. YOU DIDN'T READ THE CONTRACT,

174. DID YOU? HOW COULD YOU SIGN THE CONTRACT WITHOUT READING IT? HE SAID

175. IT WAS THE STANDARD STUFF. OH, MY GOD. MAYBE I CAN FIX THIS, RIGHT. I'LL GO TALK TO ALAN

176. AS YOUR MANAGER. NO, YOU WON'T. NO, NO. LOOK, MAYBE I CAN FIX THIS.

177. NO, YOU'RE NOT MY MANAGER ANYMORE, ALL RIGHT? YOU'RE FIRED. I MEAN IT.

178. MAN, I HAVE A HEADACHE. ASPIRIN? GET OUT OF HERE, FRANK. ON IT.

179. WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING? BECAUSE THERE WAS A BIG, HAIRY FOOT IN MY FACE. BE QUIET.

180. IT'S 6:00 IN THE MORNING. OH, WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO BACK TO SLEEP? WHY DON'T YOU GO

181. SHAVE YOUR FOOT? CAN WE DISCUSS JOSH'S FOOT HAIR IN ABOUT FOUR HOURS, PLEASE?

182. HE'S NOT MAD ABOUT MY FOOT HAIR, ALL RIGHT? HE'S MAD

183. ABOUT HIS RECORD CONTRACT. YEAH, THE ONE THAT YOU SCREWED UP. OH, LIKE YOU NEVER SCREWED UP

184. ANYTHING FOR ME. I'M TRYING TO SLEEP. HOW COULD YOU FIRE ME? HOW COULD YOU FIRE

185. YOUR OWN BROTHER? BECAUSE I PREFER TO HAVE A MANAGER THAT DOESN'T RUIN MY CAREER.

186. BUT I MADE A MISTAKE. YOU'RE A MISTAKE. YOU'RE BOTH MISTAKES. I FIXED THE TOILET.

187. YOU'RE WELCOME.

188. OH. OH. OH. OH.

189. HEY, MINDY. OH, HI, HELEN. THAT WAS A WONDERFUL IDEA HAVIN' JOSH SCRAPE

190. ALL THAT NASTY CHEWED GUM OFF THOSE TABLE BOTTOMS. OH, THERE'S A TOOTH STUCK TO THIS ONE.

191. WELL, THANKS. I'M ALSO HAVING LEAH LUBE ALL THE FILM PROJECTORS, AND I'VE GOT CRAZY STEVE

192. STEAM-CLEANING THE CARPETS. I THINK OF EACH STAIN AS MY FATHER. THIS IS FOR MAKING ME

193. DO MOM'S LAUNDRY. WELL, MINDY, I HAVE NEVER SEEN THIS PLACE RUNNING SO SMOOTHLY.

194. I CERTAINLY MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE PICKING YOU AS ASSISTANT MANAGER. YOU'RE THE BEST, HELEN.

195. HEY, HELEN. OOH, TIME FOR MY NEXT APPOINTMENT. COME SIT OVER HERE, NERDS.

196. ALL RIGHT. WE'VE PUT TOGETHER A COMPLETE VIDEO PACKAGE FOR YOU.

197. GOOD. GOOD. LET'S SEE YOUR PACKAGE. OKAY, WE'LL VIDEOTAPE YOUR WHOLE WEDDING.

198. WITH TWO INDIVIDUAL CAMERAS. AND WE'LL USE SPECIAL MICROPHONES TO MAKE SURE

199. WE GET GOOD, CLEAR AUDIO. WELL, I DO LIKE MY AUDIO BOTH GOOD AND CLEAR. AND WE'LL DELIVER

200. THE COMPLETE EDITED WEDDING VIDEO FOR ONLY $275. CASH.

201. WHAT DO YOU SAY? REALLY? OH, SOUNDS VERY NICE. BUT LET'S MAKE IT $30.

202. THIRTY DOLLARS? WE'D LOSE MONEY. TWENTY. OKAY. TWENTY.

203. TWENTY'S FINE. THIS IS FOR SENDING ME TO FAT CAMP.

204. HI, YEAH. THIS IS ALAN KRIM, SPIN CITY RECORDS. I'M JUST WONDERING

205. WHAT PARKING SPACE NUMBER I WAS AGAIN? OH, THE ONE WITH MY NAME ON IT, OF COURSE.

206. UH, NO, I WAS MAKING SURE. OH, AND IF YOU SEE ME, I'D PROBABLY WON'T REMEMBER THIS CONVERSATION.

207. THANKS. BYE. SCRAPE THE GUM OFF THE TABLE BOTTOMS. MINDY. I CAN'T BELIEVE

208. SHE HAD THE NERVE TO— WHAT'S IN THAT CONTAINER? FRUIT FLIES. FRUIT FLIES?

209. DON'T BOTHER ME.

210. HEY, HEY, DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME. I WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING WITH A BOX FULL OF FRUIT FLIES.

211. LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU JUST— OH, BOYS. YEAH, NOT REALLY. WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?

212. WE'RE DECORATING CAKES FOR THE SEVENTH GRADE BAKE SALE. NOW GET OUT. WHY CAN'T YOU DO THIS

213. IN THE KITCHEN? WHY CAN'T YOU FALL DOWN A WELL? NOW GET OUT OF HERE.

214. NO, ONE OF THEM'S CUTE. EXPLAIN YOUR FRUIT FLIES. OKAY, IF ALAN KRIM'S GONNA RUIN MY SONG,

215. I'M GONNA RUIN SOMETHING OF HIS. LIKE WHAT? I'LL DRIVE UP TO L.A., PUT THE FRUIT FLIES IN HIS CAR,

216. THEY'LL LAY EGGS, AND FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE, HE'LL HAVE TO DRIVE EVERYWHERE WITH FRUIT FLIES

217. SWARMING AROUND HIM GOING— WELL, THAT CERTAINLY IS A MATURE WAY

218. TO HANDLE THIS SITUATION. HE RUINED MY SONG. SOMEBODY'S GOT TO TAKE ACTION. OKAY, I SENT HIM

219. A VERY ANGRY E-MAIL. WITH, LIKE, NINE FROWNY FACES. YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU DON'T GET IT, JOSH.

220. YOU NEVER WILL. WHAT DON'T I GET? THAT WHEN PEOPLE PLAY DIRTY, SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA PLAY

221. DIRTY BACK. THAT'S WHAT YOU DON'T GET. YOU ALWAYS GOTTA PLAY BY THE RULES.

222. RULES ARE THE FOUNDATION OF A GENTLE SOCIETY. YOU SEE, THAT IS WHY YOU WILL ALWAYS BE A LOSER.

223. FINE, I'LL TELL HIM. JOSH, MOLLY THINKS YOU'RE CUTE. EEW. CALL ME.

224. EEW.

225. I'M SO SORRY. SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO SCARE YOU. NO WORRIES.

226. THAT WAS FUN. WHAT DO YOU NEED? IS ALAN KRIM HERE? NO, HE LEFT

227. ABOUT A HALF AN HOUR AGO. WHY? LOOK, I KNOW YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO MAKE DRAKE'S SONG

228. SOUND HOWEVER YOU WANT. I JUST REALLY THINK THAT THE ORIGINAL VERSION IS WAY BETTER—

229. KID— LOOK, JUST LISTEN TO IT. ALL RIGHT? IT'S REALLY GREAT.

230. JOSH, THE SUPER BOWL'S TOMORROW. A WOMAN FROM THE COMMERCIAL COMPANY'S

231. ON HER WAY HERE RIGHT NOW TO PICK UP THE SONG. IT'S DONE.

232. BUT I STILL DON'T THINK IT'S FAIR TO CHANGE HIS SONG. I GOTTA TAKE THIS. HEY, BABY. HUH?

233. NO, NO, NO. I SAID BEHIND THE TURTLE. HUH? I—

234. STUPID BIG SHRIMP. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

235. TELL YOUR FRIENDS.

236. HI. I'M WITH DAKA SHOES. I'M SUPPOSED TO PICK UP A SONG. FOR THE SUPER BOWL COMMERCIAL?

237. YEAH, AND I'M IN HUGE HURRY, SO CAN I JUST GET THE CD? YEAH. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. ONE SECOND.

238. THANKS.

239. OH, YEAH. HEY, HERE IT IS. DAKA SHOE COMMERCIAL SUPER BOWL FINAL MIX.

240. HERE YOU GO. THANKS. WOW. THOSE SHRIMP ARE HUGE. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW

241. THEY COME THAT BIG. I DIDN'T EITHER. I HAD TO LEARN THE HARD WAY. JUST FORGET THEM. GO.

242. WHEN IT COMES TO EATING, THIS CAT'S A PROBLEM. HE HATES TUNA, SHRIMP, EVEN BACON.

243. THIS SUPER BOWL BITES. LOOK, THIS IS NOT GOOD FOOTBALL. THAT'S A CAT FOOD COMMERCIAL. I KNOW.

244. WHERE'S THE DANG GUACAMOLE? I CAN TELL YOU WHERE IT'S GONNA BE. MEGAN.

245. HEY, SUPER BOWL'S ON. I DON'T CARE. COME ON. THE COMMERCIAL'S UP

246. IN ABOUT TWO MINUTES. YOU GOTTA WATCH. IT'S YOUR SONG. IT'S NOT MY SONG.

247. IT'S HORRIBLE BUBBLE GUM POP GARBAGE-Y BADNESS THAT 50 MILLION PEOPLE ARE ABOUT TO HEAR.

248. I'LL BE ON THE ROOF. WHY? 'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT THERE. DRAKE.

249. NO, NO, NO, NO. COME BACK HERE. COME BACK HERE. LET GO OF ME.

250. I'M SERIOUS. SO AM I. NOW, SIT ON THE COUCH AND WATCH THE COMMERCIAL.

251. NO. COME ON. AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK FOR THE SECOND HALF OF SUPER BOWL SUNDAY.

252. COME ON. JUST LISTEN, LISTEN. OH MY GOD.

253. THAT'S MY SONG. THAT'S MY SONG. SSSH, DON'T SPOIL THE MOMENT. LISTEN.

254. OH. YES. MAN, I DON'T UNDERSTAND. WHY WOULD THEY END UP USING MY VERSION OF THE SONG?

255. LIKE YOU SAID, BRO, WHEN PEOPLE PLAY DIRTY, SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA PLAY DIRTY BACK.

256. OH, YOU PUT FRUIT FLIES IN KRIM'S CAR. BETTER. I SWITCHED THE CDs. YOU, YOU SWITCHED THE SONGS?

257. UH-HUH. YOU? UH-HUH. WOW, YOU HAVE LEARNED

258. SOMETHING FROM ME. YEAH. CATCH ON, BRO. YOU WANNA GO? COME ON.

259. HELLO? YEAH. YEAH, UH HUH. YEAH, I GET IT.

260. OKAY, BYE. KRIM FROM THE RECORD COMPANY. OH, DID THEY SEE THE COMMERCIAL?

261. HE SAW IT. OOH, WHAT DID HE SAY ABOUT YOU SWITCHING THE SONGS? HE SAID IT WAS ILLEGAL

262. AND A VIOLATION OF OUR CONTRACT, AND THE RECORD LABEL IS GONNA SUE US FOR $5 MILLION. OH, WE CAN POSSIBLY GO

263. TO PRISON. HEY, CONGRATULATIONS, BOYS. COME GET SOME GUACAMOLE.

264. WE GOTTA TELL 'EM. WE GOTTA TELL MOM AND DAD. COME ON, LIKE WE'RE NOT ENOUGH

265. TROUBLE ALREADY? MAN, WHY'D YOU HAVE TO SWITCH THE SONGS? OH, YOU WERE ALL HAPPY

266. DANCY ABOUT IT YESTERDAY. THAT WAS BEFORE I KNEW WE'D BE GETTING SUED FOR FIVE MILLION BUCKS.

267. AND DON'T FORGET ABOUT THE POSSIBLE TWO YEARS IN JAIL. THANK YOU.

268. DRAKE. HEY, I HEARD YOUR SONG GONE TO COMMERCIAL. IT WAS HOT, MUCH LIKE YOURSELF. THANKS, HELEN.

269. OKAY. ONE SEC. HELLO. SO, WANNA PREVIEW OF MY FANTABULOUS WEDDING DRESS?

270. I GOT IT FROM A CZECHOSLOVAKIAN WOMAN WHOSE HUSBAND LOST— VERY UNFORTUNATE ACCIDENT—

271. WHAT'S THAT? HELP; CRAZY STEVE'S GONE BERSERK.

272. CRAZY STEVE? WHO ELSE? MONDAY; YOU CAN'T SCHEDULE CRAZY STEVE TO WORK ON A MONDAY.

273. MONDAY'S HIS BAD DAY. WELL NO ONE TOLD ME THAT. COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO, THE COW SAYS MOO.

274. COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO. THE COW SAYS MOO. I BETTER A CALL SWAT TEAM. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

275. I GOT THIS. JOSH, DON'T. STAY BACK. STAY BACK.

276. HEY, HEY. YOU ATE MY ENCHILADA. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. NO, NO. OKAY.

277. IT'S OKAY. NO, I WANNA STOP. I KNOW. BUT JOSH HAS GOT YOU.

278. ALL RIGHT. NOW, I WANT YOU TO GO TO THE BREAK ROOM— HMM-MMM.

279. DRINK A CARTON OF MILK. I PROMISE. ALL RIGHT. WELL, I HATE TO SAY IT

280. BUT GOOD WORK, JOSH. WHY DOES THAT SONG CALM HIM DOWN? NO ONE KNOWS.

281. BETTER GO MAKE SURE HE DRINKS THAT MILK. YOU HANDLED THAT REALLY WELL, BETTER THAN I DID.

282. YEAH, YOU'RE STILL THE ONE WITH THE GOLD VEST. OH, CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING? I DIDN'T TAKE THIS JOB

283. BECAUSE I NEEDED THE EXTRA MONEY. YEAH, I KNOW. YOU TOOK IT 'CAUSE YOU LOVE

284. TO BEAT ME AT EVERYTHING. I TOOK IT BECAUSE I WANTED TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOU.

285. WE BROKE UP. I WISH WE HADN'T. HOW LONG YOU'VE BEEN THINKING THIS?

286. SINCE ABOUT 45 MINUTES AFTER WE BROKE UP. WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN THINKING? DUDE.

287. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. NO, I CAN'T WAIT. THAT WAS NICK MATEO. THE PRESIDENT

288. OF SPIN CITY RECORDS. DO YOU KNOW EVERYTHING? KIND OF. CONTINUE. HE WANTS US

289. TO DRIVE UP TO L.A. RIGHT NOW. OH, OH. THIS IS BAD. YEAH, I KNOW. LET'S NOT GO.

290. NO, WE HAVE TO. MINDY. MINDY, IS IT OKAY— GO.

291. DRAKE, JOSH, PLEASE SIT DOWN.

292. CAN I TURN ON THE VIBRATION? NO. OKAY. WHICH ONE OF YOU

293. SWITCHED THE SONG? I DID. I DID. WE BOTH DID, OKAY?

294. WELL, GUESS WHAT? THERE'S RULES AND LAWS ABOUT TELEVISION BROADCASTING. WE COULD TURN YOU INTO THE FCC

295. FOR WHAT YOU DID. YEP. YOU, GUYS, COULD BE IN A LOT OF TROUBLE, BUT YOU'RE NOT.

296. WE'RE NOT? THEY'RE NOT? WHY AREN'T WE?

297. IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, WE'VE HAD OVER 30,000 EMAILS AND PHONE CALLS FROM FANS WANTING TO BUY YOUR SONG.

298. THIS MORNING WE MADE THE SONG AVAILABLE ON THE SPIN CITY WEBSITE, THERE WERE SO MANY DOWNLOADS,

299. IT CRASHED OUR SERVER. DRAKE PARKER, I THINK YOU'RE ABOUT TO HAVE YOURSELF

300. A NUMBER ONE HIT. OH. COULD YOU EXCUSE US? FOR A SECOND? JUST FOR A MOMENT.

301. WE'RE BACK. SO I TAKE IT WE'RE NOT IN TROUBLE ANYMORE? ON THE CONTRARY.

302. WE'D LIKE TO SIGN A MULTI RECORD CONTRACT WITH DRAKE. WHICH I WILL READ.

303. THANK YOU. EXCELLENT. OKAY, WAIT A SECOND. THESE GUYS JUST TOTALLY

304. SCAMMED US AND YOU'RE GONNA REWARD THEM FOR IT? THEY HAD TO SCAM US

305. 'CAUSE YOU TRIED TO RUIN A VERY GOOD SONG, WHICH IS WHY YOU'RE FIRED. WHAT? YOU CAN'T FIRE ME.

306. OUR WIVES PLAY GOLF TOGETHER. YOUR WIFE CHEATS. GET OUT.

307. HE'S PRETTY MAD. OH, YEAH. WAIT TILL HE FINDS SOME FRUIT FLIES IN HIS CAR.

308. KNUCKLE TOUCH.

309. WHY IS HELEN GETTING MARRIED HERE AT THE PREMIERE? JUST TO SAVE MONEY. AH.

310. OKAY, PEOPLE TAKE YOUR SEATS. THE WEDDING'S ABOUT TO BEGIN.

311. OKAY IF I SIT BY YOU? IS IT OKAY WITH YOU?

312. THERE ISN'T ENOUGH LIGHT. YOU FORGOT TO PLUG IN THE 5K. I'M ONLY HUMAN. BARELY. JUST FIX IT.

313. OH, OKAY, WE HAVE A SMALL FIRE. IF EVERYONE— FIRE.

314. EVERYBODY, JUST BE CALM ABOUT IT. GO, GO OUT. THERE'S A FIRE.

315. BREATHE IN, BREATHE OUT. BREATHE IN, BREATHE OUT. BREATHE IN, BREATHE OUT. I KNOW HOW TO BREATHE.

316. JUST DO WHAT I SAY. ALL RIGHT. WHAT DID YOU DO? I JUST PLUGGED IN THE 5K.

317. I'LL PLUG IN YOUR 5K. SHE'S GOT MY HEAD. SHE'S GOT MY HEAD. SHE'S GOT MY HEAD.

318. THAT'S IT. YOU TWO MARTIANS ARE NOT GETTING YOUR $20. HELEN. HELEN, BABY.

319. CALM DOWN. RELAX. OKAY, KILLING THAT BOY ISN'T GONNA HELP ANYTHING. I KNOW.

320. I JUST WANTED OUR WEDDING TO BE PERFECT. NOW, IT'S ALL RUINED. NO, IT'S NOT.

321. OKAY, THERE WAS A LITTLE FIRE.

322. OR A BIG FIRE. BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER. A WEDDING IS ABOUT TWO PEOPLE WHO LOVE EACH OTHER,

323. JOINING TOGETHER. SURROUNDED BY ALL THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEM. AND HERE WE ALL ARE.

324. YOU'RE SAYING I SHOULD GET MARRIED IN A PARKING LOT?

325. SO NOW I ASK YOU, BUSWELL KINCAID BAXTER, DO YOU TAKE HELEN OFELIA DUBUOIS,

326. TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH, FOR RICHER OR FOR POORER, IN GOOD TIMES AND BAD

327. AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE? YES. I DO. AND HELEN— IF I DIDN'T,

328. I WOULDN'T BE HERE. YES, I DO. THEN BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME BY THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA.

329. I PRONOUNCE YOU HUSBAND AND WIFE. MAZALTOV. HA-HA.

330. YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE.

331. HI, I'M DRAKE. CARRIE. SO, YOU WANNA GET BACK TOGETHER?

332. OKAY. BUT I GET TO BE THE GIRLFRIEND. HEY, JOSH. I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.

333. THE GOLD VEST. BUT I THOUGHT YOU— I QUIT. SO THE

334. ASSISTANT MANAGER POSITION IS OPEN IF YOU WANT IT. WELL, DON'T JUST STAND THERE WITH YOUR MOUTH HANGING OPEN.

335. TAKE IT. PUT IT ON. SOMEBODY HOLD THIS. GREAT. MINDY—

336. OH, YES. OH, YES. YES, THAT'S VERY NICE. DO YOU MIND? SURE.

337. THANK YOU. HEY, DRAKE. HEADS UP. LET'S HEAR THAT NUMBER ONE SONG

338. OF YOURS. YEAH. LET'S HEAR IT. EXCUSE ME, CONNIE.

339. CARRIE.

340. OKAY. THIS SONG IS FOR HELEN AND BUZZ AND MY MANAGER JOSH NICHOLS.

341. HEY. YOU PUT OUR ROOM BACK. LULA ALREADY MOVE OUT? YEAH. SHE AND CRAZY STEVE

342. DROVE UP TO SANTA BARBARA FOR THE WEEKEND. SO NO NEED FOR ME TO STAY HERE IN THE BOOB CAVE.

343. HEY, WHERE'D YOU GET THE BIG SHRIMP? OH, SOME GUY. A NICK MATEO

344. FROM SPIN CITY RECORDS SENT THREE DOZEN OF 'EM OVER FOR YOU GUYS. WELL, THEN, WHY ARE YOU

345. AND YOUR FRIENDS EATING THEM? 'CAUSE WE LIKE SHRIMP. MOVE. CALL ME. EWWW.

346. OH, GREAT. THEY LEFT US ONE SHRIMP. THE BUZZARDS. OH, WELL.

347. HEY, WAIT. WHAT? I WANT THE SHRIMP. I WANT IT.

348. I WANT IT. WOULD YOU GIVE IT? HEY. HEY. NO, NO.

349. GIVE IT. NO, I— GIVE IT TO ME. GET OUT OF THE WAY.

350. I— NO. I WANT THE SHRIMP. GIVE IT TO ME. STAY AWAY FROM THE SHRIMP—

351. HEY COME ON, WOULD YOU? I WILL PAY YOU $10. $10. I WILL GIVE YOU $10 FOR THE SHRIMP.

352. WOULD YOU JUST MOVE OUT OF THE WAY? I'VE BEEN KNOWN TO ENJOY SENSATIONS.

353. PLEASE. NO. YOU WILL NOT ENJOY THAT SHRIMP WITH SAUCE WHILE I'M AROUND.

354. COME ON. STOP IT. STOP IT. HEY, YOU KNOW—

355. HEY. SHRIMP. I WANT IT. NO, I WANT IT. GIVE IT.

356. NO, NO. I WANT IT. GIVE ME— LET ME HAVE IT.

357. LET GO. I ENJOY SHELLFISH. I WANT THE SHRIMP.

358. I WILL GIVE YOU FRESH SHRIMP. THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE HERE. I'LL GIVE YOU $10.