Drake & Josh 4x13

Directed by Steve Hoefer

Jill Latiano as Diana Vosh • Austin Basis as Skaggs

Drake and Josh accidentally kill Megan's hamster and they think she is planning revenge.

Request examples:

!req Drake & Josh 4x13 [02:32]
!req Drake & Josh 4x13 [Drake & Josh 4x13]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req Drake & Josh 4x13 [10-11]; !req Drake & Josh 4x13 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. IN LIFE, NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY TO DO THE RIGHT THING, SOMETIMES YOU JUST MESS UP. HEY, LET'S FACE IT—HALF

2. THE FUN OF BEING A TEENAGER IS SCREWING STUFF UP. LIKE THIS ONE TIME AFTER I USED DAD'S CAR, I FORGOT TO

3. SET THE PARKING BRAKE. LIKE ONE TIME, I BORROWED DAD'S CAR AFTER JOSH USED IT. IT WAS WEIRD, 'CAUSE I WAS,

4. LIKE, SO SURE I SET THAT PARKING BRAKE. LUCKILY, JOSH DIDN'T KNOW I USED THE CAR AFTER HE DID.

5. ANYWAY, IT ENDS UP ROLLING DOWN OUR STREET AND CRASHES INTO OUR NEIGHBOR'S MAILBOX. MRS. FUTCH.

6. SO THE CAR ROLLS DOWN THE STREET AND JUST TAKES OUT THIS OLD LADY'S MAILBOX. IT WAS HORRIBLE.

7. IT WAS KINDA COOL. BUT I WENT STRAIGHT TO MOM AND DAD AND TOLD THEM IT WAS MY FAULT.

8. HEY, I WOULD'VE CONFESSED, BUT I HAD A DATE WITH SAMANTHA BUSH THAT WEEKEND, AND I WAS NOT GONNA RISK GETTING GROUNDED.

9. I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO FIX MRS. FUTCH'S MAILBOX, SO SHE MADE ME DO CHORES TO PAY FOR IT. SAMANTHA BUSH IS SUCH A GOOD

10. KISSER. I HAD TO MOW HER LAWN AND— OH! SHE EVEN MADE ME WASH HER HAIR.

11. SHE HAD SUCH LONG, SOFT, BLONDE HAIR. HER SCALP HAD SORES ON IT. YEAH, I LIKE THAT SAMANTHA

12. BUSH. I HATE THAT MRS. FUTCH.

13. YEECH. WHAT? WHAT, YOU DON'T LIKE MY TUNA SALAD? NO. WHO PUTS RAISINS IN TUNA

14. SALAD? THE FRENCH. WELL, IT'S NOT RIGHT.

15. YES, I'LL GET IT.

16. HI—UHH. HI. UM, IS THIS WHERE THE PARTY IS? UH—WH—AREN'T YOU DIANA

17. VOSH? YEAH, I AM. UM, MAYBE I HAVE THE WRONG ADDRESS. I AM LOOKING FOR 320 SYCAMORE TERRACE—

18. DRAKE! DRAKE! UGH! WHAT? DOOR VOSH IS AT THE DIANA!

19. HUH? UH... DIANA VOSH IS AT THE DOOR. SUPERMODEL DIANA VOSH?

20. YEAH! NO, SHE'S NOT.

21. HI. UM, I'M LOOKING FOR A PAR— DIANA DOORWAY'S IN OUR VOSH! I KNOW!

22. WHAT—DO—OH! HEY. HOW YOU DOING?

23. LOOK, COULD ONE OF YOU GUYS JUST TELL ME HOW TO GET TO SYCAMORE TERRACE? UH, I DON'T—I DON'T KNOW.

24. UM, YOU COULD COME INSIDE AND MAPTREK IT. I HAVE A LAPTOP! SURE. OOH!

25. IF YOU OPEN UP YOUR MIND, IT'S GONNA TAKE SOME TIME TO REALIGN, BUT IF YOU LOOK INSIDE

26. I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND, OVER YOUR SHOULDER, YOU KNOW THAT I TOLD YOU I'LL ALWAYS BE PICKING YOU UP

27. LOOK. DIANA VOSH IS TOUCHING MY TRACK PAD. MAN, NO ONE IS GOING TO BELIEVE THIS.

28. MAN, WE GOTTA GET A PICTURE. YEAH, YEAH, GOOD CALL. I'LL GO GET MY CAMERA. OHH!

29. OH, DUDE, I LEFT MY CAMERA AT SEA WORLD BY THE DOLPHIN HABITAT. WELL, THEN GO GET MEGAN'S

30. CAMERA. NO. SHE TOLD US TO NEVER GO IN HER ROOM, AND I AIN'T CROSSING THAT LINE.

31. DUDE, SHE'S SLEEPING OVER AT JANIE'S HOUSE, AND THERE'S A SUPERMODEL RIGHT THERE. NOW, GO GET MEGAN'S CAMERA.

32. OK. JUST MAKE SURE DIANA DOESN'T LEAVE. ALL RIGHT.

33. OH, CAMERA, CAMERA, CAMERA, CAMERA, CAMERA, CAMERA, CAMERA, CAMERA,

34. CAMERA, CAMERA. HI, HERVAY. CAMERA, CAMERA, CAMERA, CAMERA, CAMERA, CAMERA.

35. CAMERA! COME ON, YOU CAN HANG OUT A COUPLE MORE MINUTES. I KNOW, BUT I'D REALLY RATHER

36. LEAVE. BUT LOOK, IF YOU WOULD JUST WAIT ONE SECOND, I COULD— I GOT IT!

37. UH, SORRY. UH, WE WERE JUST WONDERING IF MAYBE WE COULD GET A PICTURE WITH YOU.

38. SURE. GREAT! GREAT, GREAT, GREAT. OK, DRAKE, YOU TAKE A PICTURE OF ME AND DIANA.

39. OK. OK, NOW YOU TAKE ONE OF US. RIGHT. GREAT. NOW, DIANA, YOU TAKE

40. ONE OF US. OK. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WE NEED A PICTURE FOR OUR

41. HOLIDAY CARD. SMILE! OH! OK, GUYS, I REALLY GOTTA GET GOING NOW.

42. WAIT, ONE SEC, OK? I KNOW THIS MIGHT SOUND KIND OF PUSHY, BUT, YOU SEE, I HAVE KISSED A LOT OF GIRLS IN MY DAY, BUT,

43. YOU SEE, I'VE NEVER KISSED A S— BUT YOU'VE NEVER KISSED A SUPERMODEL. RIGHT. AND I REALLY WANT TO.

44. YEAH, I HEAR THAT A LOT.

45. HOW WAS THAT? SUPER.

46. NOW, PUT MEGAN'S CAMERA BACK WHERE YOU FOUND IT. BEING IN HER ROOM CREEPS ME OUT. YEAH, ME TOO.

47. OHH! LOOK AT MEGAN'S HAMSTER! OH, HE'S WASHING HIS LITTLE FACE! LOOK, LET'S JUST GET OUT OF

48. HERE. OH, JUST WAIT, THIS IS TOO CUTE. I GOTTA GET A PICTURE OF HIM.

49. HURRY. OK. SMILE, HERVAY!

50. AWW, HE'S PLAYING DEAD.

51. I THINK HE REALLY IS DEAD. OHH. THAT HAMSTER CANNOT BE DEAD. IF THAT HAMSTER'S DEAD, WE'RE DEAD, BECAUSE MEGAN IS

52. GONNA KILL US. OH, WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT? I DON'T KNOW. YOU WATCH OR. FIX HIM!

53. OK, OK. UM... ALL RIGHT. I NEED A C.B.C., A CHEM-7, CHEST FILM— OH, JUST GIVE HIM C.P.R.

54. OH, ALL RIGHT. OH, STAY WITH ME, BUDDY. STAY WITH ME! OK.

55. ONE, ONE-THOUSAND, TWO, ONE-THOUSAND, THREE, ONE-THOUSAND. BREATHE!

56. THAT—THAT'S IT. 10:22. I'M CALLING IT. NO!

57. HE'S GONE! NO! JOSH, MEGAN IS GOING TO KILL US!

58. NO—UH—LOOK, MAYBE SHE WON'T. MAYBE SHE'LL UNDERSTAND. THINK ABOUT IT. MEGAN DOES HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE THINGS TO US

59. EVERY DAY FOR NO REASON. NOW, SHE HAS A REASON. WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE! WH-

60. WAS THAT A CAR DOOR? YEAH, IT WAS MEGAN. SHE JUST

61. GOT DROPPED OFF. OH, HIT THE MUSIC. RIGHT.

62. OTHER WAY!

63. HELLO. HEY. HOW YOU DOING? WHAT IS ALL THIS? WE JUST PREPARED

64. A LITTLE WELCOME-HOME LUNCH, FEATURING YOUR FAVORITE FOODS. YEP. NOTHING PUTS YOU IN A GOOD MOOD LIKE A PEANUT BUTTER

65. AND JELLY SANDWICH BUFFET. OK. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S UP, AND I WANT TO KNOW NOW.

66. OH, OK, MEGAN. SIT DOWN.

67. A-HEH. MEGAN... YOU SEE, WE KINDA BORROWED YOUR DIGITAL CAMERA.

68. YOU WENT INTO MY ROOM? UH, YOU CAN TAKE IT FROM HERE, BUDDY. THANK YOU, DRAKE. UM—MEGAN,

69. WE TOOK A PICTURE OF YOUR HAMSTER. HERVAY? YEAH. I GUESS, LIKE,

70. THE FLASH STUNNED HIS LITTLE NERVOUS SYSTEM, AND—JUST— HERVAY... PASSED. WAIT. HERVAY IS DEAD?

71. GUYS, IT'S OK. I'M NOT MAD.

72. YOU'RE NOT MAD. NO. I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU MEANT TO HURT HIM. IT WAS JUST LIKE A FREAK THING, RIGHT?

73. YES. EXACTLY. FREAK THING. CRAZY!

74. WELL, I GUESS I'LL GO SAY GOOD-BYE TO HIM. THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW.

75. IT WORKED. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT WORKED. YEAH. I— I GUESS SHE JUST RESPONDED TO

76. OUR HONESTY AND THE MATURE WAY WE HANDLED THIS. YEAH. HUH.

77. UNLESS IT'S A SET-UP. IT'S NOT A SET-UP, OK? YOU'RE JUST BEING PARANOID. AM I? JOSH, WE'RE TALKING

78. ABOUT MEGAN. I MEAN, THIS IS THE LITTLE GIRL WHO CUT THE BRAKE LINES ON YOUR BIKE BECAUSE YOU SCRATCHED HER YO-YO.

79. NOW, YOU THINK SHE'S JUST GONNA LET US OFF THE HOOK AFTER WE KILLED HER RARE CUBAN HAMSTER? YOU'RE RIGHT.

80. SHE JUST WANTS US TO LET OUR GUARD DOWN SO SHE CAN— WELL, SO SHE CAN WHAT? OH, I DON'T KNOW! BUT IT

81. COULD HAPPEN ANYWHERE, ANY TIME. WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW?

82. JOSH, WILL YOU STOP PACKING? NO, I WILL CONTINUE PACKING. DUDE— WE KILLED MEGAN'S HAMSTER.

83. SHE'S GONNA HURT US, AND I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THE PAIN. WELL, WHERE YOU GONNA GO? UTAH.

84. AND WHY UTAH? 'CAUSE NOTHING BAD EVER HAPPENS IN UTAH. LOOK, COME HERE.

85. LOOK, I KNOW THIS IS BAD, ALL RIGHT, BUT WE JUST HAVE TO STAY ONE STEP AHEAD OF HER. HOW?

86. WELL, YOU'RE GONNA CLIMB UP THAT LADDER, SQUEEZE INTO THE CRAWL SPACE, AND LOOK THROUGH MEGAN'S AIR CONDITIONING

87. VENT TO SEE WHAT SHE'S UP TO. WHY DO I HAVE TO GO UP THERE? BECAUSE I HAVE TO WATCH THE LADDER.

88. RIGHT. WAIT, WHY DO YOU HAVE—OH, I'LL DO IT. GOOD.

89. ALL RIGHT, HERE. WE CAN TALK OVER THE WALKIES, ALL RIGHT? NOW GET UP THERE. OK.

90. RIGHT. HOLD TIGHT. STEADY. GOT IT? OK. I'M UP

91. HERE, OVER. COPY THAT. OK, NOW LISTEN, IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT THAT YOU— DRAKE! JOSH! DINNER!

92. OOH, FOOD! YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S TOO DARK UP HERE. I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING. I'M COMING BACK DOWN.

93. THERE'S MY GOOD LADDER.

94. OK. HERE I COME. AHH!

95. OVER.

96. WHAT'S FOR DINNER? CHILI. AWESOME.

97. WHAT? I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA HOLD THE LADDER. YEAH, WELL, WE ALL THINK

98. THINGS. OK, BOYS. ENJOY. YOU AND DAD AREN'T GONNA EAT WITH US.

99. OH, NO. YOUR DAD AND I ARE GOING OUT TO DINNER WITH YOUR AUNT LIBBY. THIS IS GOOD CHILI.

100. MMM. YES, THIS IS GOOD CHILI. WAY TO COOK IT UP, MAMA. NO, NOT ME. MEGAN MADE IT. LATER.

101. MEGAN MADE THIS? OH, MY GOD.

102. AHH! AHH!

103. WHAT TIME IS IT? ALMOST MIDNIGHT. OH, I'M GONNA GET TO SLEEP. WAIT.

104. WE CAN'T GO TO SLEEP TOGETHER. MEGAN COULD SNEAK IN HERE AND SUPER GLUE OUR BUTTS TOGETHER. WAIT, DO YOU MEAN, LIKE, YOUR

105. BUTT TO MY BUTT, OR OUR INDIVIDUAL BUTTS— DOES IT MATTER? WELL, LOOK, MAN, WE GOTTA

106. SLEEP. OK. LET'S TAKE TURNS, THEN. YOU TAKE THE FIRST WATCH WHILE I SLEEP, AND THEN WAKE ME UP

107. AROUND 3 A.M. AND I'LL WATCH YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP. OK. OK.

108. NOW, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE DOOR. RIGHT. ON THE DOOR. NIGHT.

109. NIGHT. AND LISTEN, DUDE. IF AT ALL DURING THE NIGHT YOU GET TIRED OR WHATEVER, JUST WAKE

110. ME— DUDE! WHAT?

111. ALL RIGHT. YOU CAN'T BE TRUSTED. LOOKS LIKE WE'RE BOTH GONNA HAVE TO STAY UP. WELL, THEN, WE'D BETTER START

112. DRINKING SOME MOUNTAIN FIZZ.

113. WHY BACK TO BACK? SHE COULD COME IN THROUGH THE WINDOW. OH, RIGHT. GOOD CALL.

114. FIZZ ME. SO, SERIOUSLY, DUDE, DID YOU MEAN, LIKE, YOUR BUTT TO MY BUTT, OR—

115. WATCH THE WINDOW.

116. SIR? HEY. HI, CAN I HELP YOU?

117. I ALREADY TOLD YOU WHAT I WANTED—LARGE POPCORN, MEDIUM ROOT BEER. SORRY. I-I DIDN'T GET ANY

118. SLEEP LAST NIGHT. I'LL GET YOUR STUFF.

119. ENJOY YOUR MOVIE. YOU JUST SPRAYED SODA ALL OVER MY—OH, WHAT DOES IT MATTER?

120. HEY. HEY, HEY. HEY, WAIT, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? OH, TAKING A SHOWER IN

121. THE REST ROOM. HOW COULD YOU TAKE A SHOWER HERE? I'M NOT GONNA TAKE A SHOWER

122. AT HOME WITH MEGAN THERE. YOU'VE SEEN MOVIES. I CLOSE MY EYES TO SHAMPOO, AND END UP WITH A FORK IN MY NECK.

123. WAIT, WE DON'T HAVE A SHOWER HERE. I KNOW. YOU'RE OUT OF BABY WIPES.

124. HEY, GUYS. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU 2? AND

125. WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE YOU HAVEN'T SLEPT IN 2 DAYS? Y-YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW THINGS.

126. YEAH, JUST LEAVE US ALONE. WHATEVER. FREAKS. YEECH!

127. WHAT DO YOU THINK MEGAN WAS DOING HERE? I DON'T KNOW, BUT I BET SHE IS UP TO SOMETHING.

128. MAN, IF SHE'S GONNA GET US, I WISH SHE WOULD JUST GET US ALREADY. I-I CAN'T TAKE THE STRESS.

129. HI. UM, WE'RE FROM OUT OF TOWN, AND MY FRIEND AND I WERE

130. WONDERING IF YOU GUYS WANT TO HOOK UP TONIGHT, MAYBE GET SOME DINNER? YEAH, WHAT, DID MEGAN PAY YOU

131. TO TAKE US SOMEWHERE? YEAH, SOMEWHERE WHERE OUR SCREAMS CAN'T BE HEARD? WE JUST THOUGHT WE'D ALL GET

132. SOME TACOS. OH, YEAH. REVENGE TACOS. YEAH, NICE TRY, SKUNKBAGS.

133. OH, WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT, HUH? UHH—I THINK MEGAN GOT THEM ALL IN ON IT, TOO.

134. OH, WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE! I LIKE TACOS.

135. NO, NO, NO, 'CAUSE 2 GIRLS LIKE THAT DON'T JUST WALK UP AND ASK YOU TO TACOS. YEAH, YOU KNOW, ESPECIALLY—

136. HI. WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN OUR ROOM?

137. MOM SAID SHE'D GIVE ME EXTRA MONEY IF I STRAIGHTENED UP AROUND THE HOUSE. SO I CLEANED YOUR ROOM. LATER.

138. WHOA!

139. SHE DID SOMETHING TO OUR ROOM. I KNOW. I MEAN, SHE COULD'VE SABOTAGED ANYTHING.

140. WE GOTTA CHECK EVERYWHERE. OOF! AHH!

141. AHH! WHOA! AHH! AHH!

142. DID YOU FIND ANYTHING? NO. DID YOU? NO, AND—AND I CAN'T— I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, DRAKE,

143. OK? I-I HAVEN'T SLEPT, I CAN'T EAT, AND—AND MY RASH IS BACK. IT'S BACK, AND I CAN'T REACH IT! LOOK, JOSH, JOSH. CALM DOWN,

144. OK? STOP. LOOK, JUST BREATHE, ALL RIGHT? YOU KNOW— WHY DON'T YOU LAY DOWN AND TAKE A NAP ON THE COUCH, OK?

145. YEAH. HEY, YOU'RE RIGHT. MAYBE I SHOULD JUST TAKE A NAP.

146. WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE A NAP, DRAKE? 'CAUSE I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU. YOU'RE IN ON THIS WITH MEGAN,

147. AREN'T YOU? JOSH! YOU'RE IN CAHOOTS! YOU'RE INSANE.

148. CAHOOTER! WHY WOULD I BE IN CAHOOTS WITH MEGAN? 'CAUSE, YOU'RE THE ONE THAT

149. TOLD HER THAT I TOOK THE PICTURE THAT KILLED HERVAY TO SAVE YOUR OWN BUTT. OH, YEAH?

150. YEAH. WELL, HOW DO I KNOW YOU'RE NOT IN CAHOOTS WITH MEGAN AGAINST ME?

151. OH, COME ON. OH, YEAH, SURE. YOU PROBABLY TOLD MEGAN IT WAS MY IDEA TO BORROW THE CAMERA IN THE FIRST

152. PLACE, AND NOW YOU 2 ARE SCHEMING IT UP REAL NICE, AREN'T YOU? OW!

153. UH-HUH! OW! GET OFF OF ME!

154. SPANKING IT UP! OH! ALL RIGHT. HEY!

155. AHH! AHH! OK. THAT'S IT, MEGAN. WE

156. CAN'T—WE CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. IF YOU'RE GONNA GET US, PLEASE, JUST GET US ALREADY. I ALREADY GOT YOU.

157. HUH? YEP. I SAT BACK QUIETLY ALL WEEK LONG, WATCHING, WHILE THE 2 OF YOU WERE SLOWLY EATEN

158. ALIVE BY YOUR OWN FEAR. AND THAT'S THE BEST REVENGE THERE IS. I'M GONNA GO HAVE SOME FRUIT.

159. SHE GOT US... BY NOT GETTING US. GENIUS.

160. OK, THAT WAS GOOD REVENGE, TOO. AND BY THE WAY—YOU DIDN'T KILL HERVAY. THE CAMERA FLASH JUST

161. STUNNED HIM. HE'S FINE. SEE? MEGAN!

162. UM... YOU KNOW... I, TOO, HAVE NEVER KISSED A SUPERMODEL.

163. AWW. WELL, BYE. AHH, SHE'LL COME BACK. YOU THINK?

164. NO. [CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE —www.ncicap.org—]