Drake & Josh 2x12

Directed by Virgil L. Fabian

Richard Biggs as FBI Man • Gary Coleman as Gary Coleman • Anthony K. Lewis as Big Tough Guy • Chris Neff as Tough Kid • Riley Schmidt as Guy

Drake & Josh are approached by two salesmen who offer them a one-time deal, Gary Grills. Drake and Josh quickly become attached to them and sell them acceptionally. But they don't realize that these Grills come with a price.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. They say the best things in life are free.

2. A lot of people will tell you money doesn't matter.

3. They're lying.

4. Well, there may be things more important than money.

5. Money isn't everything.

6. But without money...

7. What's happening to my box? It's gotten so small!

8. Okay, why am I in a triangle?

9. Can I make my box bigger?

10. Can I go back to being a square?

11. - Now I'm too big. - And I'm upside down here!

12. - A little smaller. - Blood is rushing to my head.

13. - What's wrong? - I think there are technical glitches.

14. What's going on, guys?

15. Megan, get out of the screen.

16. - She took the video effects box. - That suits her.

17. - Let's see what she can do! - Megan, don't touch it.

18. This thing is amazing.

19. Megan, you're in big trouble.

20. Wait until we tell Mom what you did!

21. It's good to be me.

22. Hi, can I help you?

23. Yes, I'd like...

24. - Josh, look at this. - Derek, I'm with a client.

25. So what? It's important.

26. - Excuse me. - What?

27. Look...

28. Rubber duck game.

29. I hit my bear.

30. - I upset my client. - Who cares?

31. I... Helen's going to be upset about my butt, and I'll sell more snacks.

32. You shouldn't use the words "butt" and "snacks" in the same sentence.

33. - Ugh! - Yeah.

34. Do you want to sell more snacks? I'll help you work on this lady.

35. What do you mean, "work"?

36. Hi. How small is your popcorn?

37. No, no, it's huge.

38. I won't be able to digest that much popcorn.

39. Didn't you read the medical report... It says...

40. Popcorn is good for seniors?

41. Yes. The medical report says popcorn helps seniors...

42. - So they don't die. - Exactly.

43. I really enjoy living.

44. A large popcorn, please.

45. Yes, ma'am. And you'd like a soda, right?

46. No, I don't believe in liquids.

47. But ma'am, you have to drink something, or else...

48. The popcorn could clog...

49. Your paralysis valve.

50. Yes, the paralysis valve. You don't want it to get stuck.

51. I think that's what killed Henry.

52. Fine, I'll take your biggest drink.

53. Excellent.

54. - Thank you. - No, thank you for the gift of life!

55. - Hey, you're not a bad salesman. - Thank you.

56. - We're trying. - We're Manny and Bani, and this is Jay.

57. We'd like to use your sales skills to make some money.

58. - What do you mean? - Show them, Manny.

59. A grill? It's too small.

60. It's the "Gary Coleman Grill", it cooks one burger at a time.

61. Or a pork chop or a steak... all meats, perfect for one person.

62. - That's right. - For anyone who loves cooking or eating.

63. Or listening to music.

64. What?

65. - It also has an MP3 player. - You can cook meat and listen to songs.

66. - It's a combination grill and music player. - I'll take two.

67. No, no. We're not trying to sell you one.

68. - We want you to sell them. - Each one costs 39.95.

69. For every one you sell, you'll get 20%.

70. Interested?

71. Maybe. But let me discuss it with my partner. Wait.

72. What do you think?

73. Each grill costs about 40 dollars, yeah.

74. We'll get 20%

75. of every person we sell to... that's

76. 800 dollars per grill.

77. - Move the decimal point.

78. - Right, right.

79. - 8,000 dollars per grill?

80. - 8 dollars per grill.

81. But still, if we sell, let's say,

82. 100 grills a week...

83. - We'd make a fortune, right?

84. - Yes, exactly!

85. - So?

86. - Okay, we'll work with you.

87. Meet us in the parking lot

88. in 15 minutes.

89. - I'll give you 100 grills to start.

90. - Okay. Great.

91. Excuse me... excuse me.

92. In the medical report you mentioned...

93. Did anyone say anything about the nachos?

94. Drake and Josh, season two, episode 18.

95. Hi, Mom. What are you doing?

96. Making dinner.

97. Cooking takes a lot of pots, pans and hard work.

98. If only there were an easier way.

99. What if I told you there was an easier way?

100. I'd say that's crazy!

101. Crazy like this grill?

102. - Gary Coleman's Grill!

103. - Okay, what is that thing?

104. What doesn't it do? It cooks steaks, burgers, ribs and chicken.

105. - So it just cooks things.

106. - No, it also...

107. MP3 player.

108. How much is it... a billion dollars?

109. - You're selling me a grill? - Why would I do that?

110. Because it's not fair!

111. You've got a hundred Gary Coleman grills, MP3 players,

112. and I haven't gotten a single Gary Coleman grill.

113. Why do you want one?

114. Because I want to cook meat on the grill and listen to music at the same time.

115. And it's the only device that does that.

116. So why don't you go and buy one for yourself?

117. They're not available in America yet.

118. Yes, that's why I bought a hundred from my friend in Japan.

119. - Sell me one. - But if I sell you one...

120. I'll have to sell one to everybody here.

121. Yes, if you're going to sell one to Drake, I want one too.

122. All right, I give up.

123. I'll sell to everybody. Grill, Gary Coleman / MP3 player.

124. Just put in the money and take a device.

125. Exactly, buying devices.

126. How much do we have left? - Let's see, after everything we've bought...

127. We still have a little over a thousand dollars.

128. I can't believe I can afford clothes like these.

129. - I can't believe we can buy an air hockey table - Right.

130. Come on, let's play.

131. Do you realize that if we keep selling the grills, we'll have secured our lives?

132. Financial security!

133. You bought all this stuff from selling that stupid grill?

134. - Yes. - Very jealous.

135. Yes, I want to join in.

136. - What? - I want to sell grills.

137. - Give me some grills. - No way.

138. Stay with your lemonade, little girl.

139. All right, no problem.

140. Just remember, I'm younger than you.

141. One day you two will be old and sick, and then you'll need me.

142. But I'll be in Europe, earning a living.

143. While you're lying in bed, choking on your own saliva.

144. That was encouraging.

145. Forget it. Hand me a soda.

146. The new remote is supposed to throw us the drink.

147. Do it!

148. Look, we only have 15 burgers left. - No problem.

149. Buddy and Jay are bringing a hundred more tonight.

150. Those must be the masseuses we booked for four o'clock.

151. I wonder which one is mine.

152. Thanks.

153. Everybody, move along.

154. Sorry... we just have to do an inventory and count the money.

155. But don't worry, in half an hour we can sell more grills.

156. You're the best, man. - I don't think you're the best.

157. I think you are.

158. - Are you trying to start a fight? - A money fight.

159. Excuse us... we don't want to get involved in your money fight.

160. But our friend said you two are selling Coleman's grills.

161. Your friend is smart.

162. How much do you want? Listen, we'll take all of them.

163. Wait, you want all of them?

164. Sorry, we only accept cash.

165. - They're badges. - We only take cash.

166. - I don't think you understand. - Drake Parker, Josh Nichols?

167. - Yes. - You're both under arrest.

168. - For possessing and selling stolen property? - The grills?

169. Right.

170. - But we sold them on behalf of two people. - We didn't know they were stolen.

171. - Really? - Get in the car, please.

172. - Drake? - Yes.

173. - I read about prison. - And?

174. It's not fun.

175. Wait, you can't lock me up here.

176. I'm an honor student!

177. - Drake, do something. - Yeah, what do you want me to do?

178. Tell them we didn't steal the appliances.

179. I told you, they don't believe us. And I don't belong in prison.

180. This prison is for scum and criminals.

181. Good luck, guys.

182. I'm sure you're all great people.

183. Maybe later we can all meet! Get me out of here.

184. I have a piano lesson.

185. Don't go crazy, okay?

186. I'll figure out a way to get out, but until then, just stay calm, alright.

187. These guys are tough.

188. Yeah.

189. Hello.

190. So where did you study?

191. Do you know what color your intestines are?

192. - No. - I do.

193. Is your father a surgeon?

194. Isn't he your friend?

195. Hey. Give me your shoes.

196. I'm not giving you my shoes.

197. Derek, give him the shoes.

198. No! They have soles.

199. - Parker Nicholas, I need to talk to you two. - Thank you... thank you.

200. Try to hurt me now.

201. It hurts me with my underwear.

202. It looks like you two are in serious trouble.

203. We didn't do anything.

204. So why does your partner sweat so much?

205. It's hereditary. I come from a family where the men sweat a lot.

206. - I told you, we're innocent. - All I know is that last month...

207. A Gary Coleman barbecue truck was stolen in New Jersey.

208. meaning they were white.

209. Eyewitnesses said the thieves were two Caucasian men.

210. We're not Caucasian, we're white.

211. - We know you two stole the equipment. - Why don't we just admit it.

212. I told you we were at the movies, and two guys came over and offered to sell us the grills.

213. Okay, what are the names of these "young men"?

214. One of the names...

215. (Guy) - Okay, (Guy).

216. - And what did he call his friend? - (Buddy).

217. Got it. Did they have a third partner named Pal?

218. What about Mr. Guy? Was he a partner with them too?

219. I think you're making fun of us.

220. I just want to know one thing.

221. Why do you combine a personal grill with a media player?

222. That's strange.

223. - We don't know. - And we didn't make them.

224. - No, you just stole them. - Right.

225. - Confess. - You lied to us.

226. - Yes. - How many songs does it have?

227. Leave me alone, I'm confused and sweaty.

228. Each of you is entitled to a phone call.

229. - We only have two chances to call. - Call the parents.

230. Wait, wait, Denise, I have another call on the other line.

231. Megan! Listen, it's Derek and Josh, and we're in jail.

232. - Yes, of course. - No, listen Megan, it's...?

233. - What? - She hung up.

234. Give me the phone.

235. Hold on a second, Denise, I have another call.

236. Megan, it's Josh... where are Mom and Dad?

237. - I'm on the other line with Denise. - Megan, this is important.

238. Wait. Let me finish the second call.

239. Denise, I have to go, my stupid brother is on the other line.

240. I'm still the same as I was.

241. Josh, what's your problem? Denise and I were trying to talk about the mares.

242. Megan, listen to me, I swear, Derek and I are in jail.

243. Wait, are you serious about being in jail?

244. Yes! Gary's grills were stolen. Listen to me.

245. We arranged to meet the grill men at the cinema within an hour.

246. So tell Mom and Dad... - Wait.

247. What!

248. - Do the mares lay eggs? - Megan, this is important.

249. Stop playing around, Megan... Megan.

250. For you.

251. Where are Derek and Josh?

252. I told them five o'clock, didn't I? They were supposed to be here at five.

253. - Hi. - Hi.

254. ‫What's up?

255. ‫Are you waiting for Derek and Josh?

256. ‫-And who are you? - Their sister.

257. - ‫And how can I help you? ‫-I want to sell the grills.

258. ‫-What are you talking about? - Let's drop the lies.

259. ‫I can sell a lot better ‫than Derek and Josh.

260. ‫I mean, I can make you ‫a lot of money.

261. ‫-Am I in doubt? - Really.

262. ‫-Excuse me, ma'am? - Yes.

263. ‫I don't mean to bother you, but ‫if I don't sell these grills

264. ‫Dad will make me sleep in the yard.

265. ‫Would you agree to buy ‫one? I miss my bed.

266. ‫Of course, how much are they?

267. ‫"39.95" each, "100" for two!

268. ‫-I'll take both, here's a hundred. - Thanks.

269. ‫-Okay, okay. - You're good.

270. ‫I know, bring the devices to my house.

271. ‫I'll sell them and we'll split the profits in half.

272. Half? Are you crazy?

273. ‫Yes, we only pay your brothers 20%.

274. ‫I know the grills are stolen.

275. ‫Why are you telling me this, do you think I'm stupid?

276. ‫-And I want 50%. - You won't get half.

277. ‫We stole the grills and took the risk.

278. ‫Yes. That's all I needed to hear.

279. ‫Respected gentlemen?

280. Buddy and Guy met the FBI. The FBI met Buddy and Guy.

281. ‫You set us up.

282. ‫-There was a wiretap on her. - Right.

283. ‫-You did it, sweetheart. ‫-Congratulations, Megan.

284. ‫-Come with us and turn around. ‫-Hands behind your back.

285. - Come on, Buddy. ‫To be honest, I'm Guy.

286. - Guy? - Yes.

287. - You read about prison? - And?

288. ‫It's not fun.

289. Excuse me, are you this girl's father?

290. - Yes, I am. - How dare you make her sleep in the yard?

291. I'm sorry.

292. It happens all the time.

293. - Mom... Dad... - You're free to go.

294. - We're getting out? - How?

295. Because your sister worked with the FBI, and helped them set up a trap.

296. Which helped them find the guys who actually stole the barbecue grills.

297. - Megan. - Did she help us?

298. Don't get used to it.

299. Did they release Drake and Josh?

300. Someone wants to say something to them.

301. Mr. Coleman.

302. - You're Gary Coleman. - I know who I am.

303. What are you doing here?

304. I'm sure he came to thank you for finding the stolen grills.

305. - Actually, that's not why I came. - Then what is it?

306. I sold all my grills, so I came to collect the money.

307. - We spent it. - Yes, we're really sorry.

308. You know, I know you didn't spend all my money.

309. Because if you did, I'd be really angry.

310. - Malik! - Yes, yes.

311. - Your money's with us. - Where's my money?

312. We left it in the cell, here, yes, under the seat.

313. You left it in the cell? It took years...

314. - I'll see you at home. - I'm right behind you.

315. Drake, Josh, come here. You, agent.

316. - Give me your shoes. - Back! -Sorry.

317. I want the two tables, the alarm sirens, and the rocking chair.

318. I want the gum rocket machine, the lava lamp.

319. - The soda machine. - Yes, the soda machine.

320. - He forgot the air hockey table. - I want the air hockey table.

321. And I want the clear chair.

322. - Can you leave the chair? - Did you sit in it?

323. - Yes. - Keep it.