Doug 4x9

Directed by Marc Sevier • Tony Eastman

Doug becomes the victim of a contest scam that promises to make him rich. But after trying so hard and paying a lot of money, Doug later realizes he may not be as close to winning as he thinks.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. CAPTIONING SPONSORED BY THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

2. COOL! WHOA!

3. DEAR JOURNAL

4. HOW COULD I EVER FORGET THE DAY I GOT MY FIRST BIKE.

5. IT WAS ALL SPARKLY AND SHINY

6. THE COOLEST BIKE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

7. BUT WHEN THE SHINE STARTED TO WEAR OFF

8. AND EVERYBODY ELSE STARTED GETTING NEW DIRT BIKES

9. I REALIZED HOW LAME MY OLD BIKE WAS.

10. THAT'S HOW THINGS STOOD THIS MORNING WHEN SKEETER CAME OVER.

11. OH, MAN.

12. HEY, MAN.

13. WANT TO GO RIDE BIKES?

14. I WISH I HAD A COOL DIRT BIKE LIKE YOURS.

15. YOUR BIKE'S OKAY.

16. YEAH, RIGHT.

17. I'M THINKING ABOUT HIRING SOMEBODY TO STEAL IT.

18. WHO DID IT? WHO DID IT? WHO DID IT?

19. RELAX, MAN, WHO DID WHAT?

20. WHO STOLE MY BIKE?

21. THAT'S ME.

22. HEY!

23. BLUFFINGTON OPERATOR, WHAT IS YOUR EMERGENCY?

24. HELLO, SOMEBODY STOLE MY BIKE.

25. WHAT IS YOUR ADDRESS, PLEASE?

26. 21 JUMBO STREET.

27. WHO IS IT?

28. POLICE.

29. SOMEBODY REPORT A THEFT?

30. WOW!

31. THANK YOU.

32. SO WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS, KID?

33. SHOPPING.

34. WILL YOU DUST FOR FINGERPRINTS?

35. YEAH, SURE, KID.

36. HOW MUCH WOULD YOU SAY THE BIKE IS WORTH?

37. WELL, AT LEAST $150.

38. DID THE PERPETRATORS EXPROPRIATE ANYTHING ELSE?

39. EX... EXCUSE ME?

40. WHAT ELSE DID THEY STEAL?

41. NOTHING, I THINK.

42. A PROFESSIONAL WOULD HAVE TAKEN SOMETHING MORE EXPENSIVE.

43. MY GUESS IS IT WAS JUST SOME KID ABOUT YOUR AGE.

44. BUT I KNOW ALL THE KIDS AROUND HERE.

45. MAYBE NOT AS WELL AS YOU THINK.

46. OKAY, THAT SHOULD DO IT.

47. WE'LL MAIL YOU A COPY OF THE REPORT IN A WEEK OR SO.

48. YOU'RE GOING TO GET THE BIKE BACK IN A WEEK?

49. NAH, I DOUBT WE'LL GET IT BACK.

50. WHAT?

51. NO CLUES, NO LEADS, NO EVIDENCE.

52. SON, YOUR BIKE IS LONG GONE.

53. HAVE A NICE DAY.

54. MY BIKE... GONE.

55. MMM, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, MAN.

56. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, MAN.

57. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, MAN.

58. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, MAN.

59. SKEETER DIDN'T HAVE A CLUE HOW I FELT.

60. NOBODY DID.

61. I FELT COMPLETELY ALONE.

62. EXCEPT FOR YOU, PORKCHOP.

63. I WISH I KNEW WHO TOOK IT.

64. WHAT IF IT IS SOMEONE I KNOW?

65. COME ON, GUYS.

66. THEY SEEM SO... INNOCENT.

67. HI, DOUG.

68. SORRY ABOUT YOUR BIKE.

69. WANT TO COME TO THE HONKER BURGER WITH US?

70. OH, SURE, I GUESS.

71. GREAT.

72. LET'S GO!

73. SORRY.

74. WOULDN'T A REAL BURGLAR

75. TAKE SOMETHING LIKE A STEREO OR A TV?

76. THE POLICE SAID IT WAS PROBABLY A KID

77. BECAUSE ALL THEY TOOK WAS A LAME, OLD BIKE.

78. SIP?

79. IT WASN'T A LAME BIKE.

80. IT WAS A CLASSIC.

81. OKAY, MAYBE NOT A CLASSIC, BUT IT WAS MINE.

82. LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE.

83. THEY DIDN'T STEAL YOUR BRAIN

84. LIKE IN ZOMBIE BEACH PARTY.

85. WHAT WERE THEY ALL LAUGHING AT?

86. THINK THEY UNLOADED THE BIKE YET?

87. NO, THEY PROBABLY CHOPPED IT UP FOR PARTS.

88. YOU GOT TO MOVE FAST, IT'S A CASH-AND-CARRY BUSINESS.

89. HOW DID THEY KNOW ABOUT STEALING BIKES?

90. THAT'S WHAT THEY DO ON TV.

91. HEY, YOU GUYS.

92. HERE, DOUG, I BOUGHT YOU SOME FRIES.

93. AND WHERE WAS CONNIE SUDDENLY GETTING ALL OF THIS MONEY?

94. WHAT ABOUT THE REGISTRATION NUMBER?

95. THAT COMES OFF WITH A FILE.

96. IT SEEMED LIKE IT COULD HAVE BEEN ANY OF THEM.

97. RATS!

98. IT'S OPEN, YOU NUMBSKULL.

99. DUH, IT'S GONE.

100. I GOT HERE FIRST, LOSERS.

101. HAND OVER THE BIKE AND NOBODY GETS HURT.

102. CHALKY.

103. NOBODY GETS OUT UNTIL I GET THE BIKE.

104. NOT SO FAST, BEEBE.

105. THE BIKE IS MINE.

106. OOH!

107. GIVE ME THE BIKE OR...

108. OR EVERYBODY GETS IT.

109. THE BIKE IS MINE.

110. GIVE IT.

111. THE BIKE IS MINE.

112. WHOEVER HAD STOLEN MY BIKE, WELL, I WAS GOING TO MAKE SURE

113. THEY DIDN'T GET ANY MORE OF MY STUFF.

114. BUT BEFORE I COULD DO THAT, I HAD TO GET IT ALL BACK.

115. IT TOOK ALMOST AN HOUR

116. BUT I GOT BACK EVERYTHING I HAD EVER LOANED TO ANYONE.

117. GUYS, IT'S ME, DOUG, I CAME FOR MY FLASHLIGHT.

118. WE'RE BUSY, YOU CANNOT COME IN.

119. WHY NOT?

120. WHAT ARE YOU HIDING?

121. POWER IS MINE.

122. THE HEAT OF A THOUSAND SUNS.

123. DOUG, YOU NEED GOGGLES IN HERE.

124. YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN BLINDED.

125. SORRY, CAN I HAVE MY FLASHLIGHT BACK?

126. CERTAINLY, IT'S OVER THERE.

127. WHEN I HAD ALL MY STUFF BACK

128. I MADE SURE NOBODY COULD EVER STEAL IT AGAIN

129. BUT I STILL DIDN'T FEEL SAFE.

130. HMM.

131. HMM.

132. HMM.

133. SECURITY?

134. YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE.

135. I OWN MORE SECURITY DEVICES THAN FORT KNOX.

136. I'VE GOT ALARMS ON MY ALARMS.

137. WHY, I COULD SHOW YOU...

138. WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

139. I WANT TO BE TOTALLY SAFE.

140. WELL, SAFETY IS A RELATIVE THING, DOUGLAS.

141. RELATIVELY EXPENSIVE, THAT IS.

142. I MEAN, DO YOU THINK YOU NEED COMPUTERIZED LOCKS?

143. YES.

144. OH, WELL, HOW ABOUT CLOSED-CIRCUIT TV?

145. YES.

146. LASER-ACTIVATED ALARM SYSTEM?

147. YES.

148. BULLET-PROOF GLASS WINDOWS?

149. YES.

150. STEEL-REINFORCED CONCRETE WALLS?

151. YES, I NEED ALL THESE THINGS.

152. I WANT MY ROOM TO BE A FORTRESS.

153. I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING

154. THAT HAPPENS IN IT.

155. I WANT TO BE TOTALLY SAFE FROM EVERYBODY.

156. I TRUST NO ONE.

157. DOUGLAS, ARE YOU INSANE?

158. THERE GOES THE ALARM.

159. SHOULDN'T WE CHECK IT?

160. IT'S PROBABLY A SQUIRREL.

161. DARN THING GOES OFF ALL THE TIME.

162. I DON'T PAY ATTENTION ANYMORE.

163. YOU'RE RIGHT.

164. IT'S JUST AL AND MOO ON THEIR BIKE.

165. WAIT A MINUTE.

166. THAT'S MYBIKE.

167. GIVE ME BACK MY BIKE.

168. DOUG FUNNIE HAS GONE BERSERK.

169. WE ARE DOOMED.

170. WHOA!

171. YOU CREEPS!

172. YOU STOLE MY BIKE.

173. NO, INSANE DOUG.

174. WE PURCHASED IT.

175. AT A THRIFT STORE.

176. DON'T LIE.

177. BEAT IT BEFORE I CALL THE COPS.

178. WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU?

179. THEY'VE MUTILATED YOU, THOSE MONSTERS.

180. HEY, THERE, MISTER.

181. HAVE WE GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU.

182. TA-DA!

183. IT WAS ON SALE.

184. YOU BOUGHT ME A NEW BIKE?

185. LET'S JUST CALL IT AN EARLY CHRISTMAS GIFT.

186. DON'T WORRY ABOUT YOUR OLD BIKE.

187. WE RECYCLED IT.

188. YOU DID?

189. YES, WE GAVE IT TO THE THRIFT STORE.

190. WHOA! COOL BIKE!

191. THIS IS THE BEST.

192. NOW YOU CAN RIDE WITH US AGAIN.

193. THERE HE IS, OFFICERS.

194. CAREFUL, HE'S DANGEROUS.

195. HOLD YOUR HORSES, YOU TWO.

196. EXCUSE ME, MR. AND MRS. FUNNIE

197. BUT THESE KIDS CLAIM YOUR BOY DOUG TOOK THEIR BIKE.

198. IS THIS TRUE, SON?

199. I CAN EXPLAIN.

200. THAT'S HOW I GOT MY NEW BIKE.

201. I GAVE MY OLD BIKE BACK TO AL AND MOO.

202. I WAS GLAD IT HAD FOUND A GOOD HOME.

203. ONCE I EXPLAINED EVERYTHING TO MOM AND DAD

204. THEY JUST GROUNDED ME FOR A WEEK.

205. I GUESS IT SERVES ME RIGHT.

206. HOW COULD I HAVE SUSPECTED MY FRIENDS OF STEALING FROM ME?

207. I'M GLAD I GOT OVER THAT.

208. WELL, GOOD-NIGHT, PORKCHOP.

209. IT WAS GOING TO BE PARADISE.

210. MOM AND DAD WON A CRUISE

211. SO JUDY AND I WOULD HAVE THE HOUSE TO OURSELVES

212. FOR A WHOLE WEEK.

213. Mrs. YOU HAVE THE DOCTOR'S PHONE NUMBER?

214. MOTHER, DOUGIE AND I WILL BE FINE.

215. DON'T WORRY.

216. WE'RE NOT BABIES.

217. WE'RE COUNTING ON YOU TWO.

218. DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT US.

219. EVERYTHING WILL BE JUST FINE.

220. PHIL, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME

221. WE'VE LEFT OUR BABIES ALONE FOR A WEEK.

222. THEY'RE NOT BABIES.

223. THEY'RE RESPONSIBLE YOUNG...

224. GIVE ME THAT.

225. HEY, I WAS WATCHING THAT.

226. YOU LITTLE TWERP, GIVE ME THE REMOTE.

227. PORKCHOP, CATCH.

228. ALL RIGHT.

229. I'LL KILL YOU.

230. HEY... OW!

231. CAN IT, JUDY.

232. MOM! DAD!

233. FORGET SOMETHING?

234. MRS. STINSON...

235. THANK YOU FOR COMING ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE.

236. DOUGLAS! JUDITH!

237. I WANT YOU TO MEET MRS. STINSON...

238. YOUR BABY-SITTER.

239. BABY-SITTER?

240. THAT'S ME.

241. HEY!

242. DON'T WORRY ABOUT A THING.

243. HAVE A NICE VACATION.

244. NOW, WHY THE LONG FACES, CHILDREN?

245. WE'RE SPENDING A WEEK TOGETHER.

246. LET'S MAKE THE BEST OF IT.

247. HOW DO WE DO THAT?

248. IT'S SIMPLE ONCE YOU KNOW THE RULES.

249. WHERE YOU'RE GOING, WHO YOU'RE WITH

250. THE NAME OF TWO ADULTS WHO'LL BE THERE

251. SHAKESPEARE? NO, NO...

252. THAT MAN HAD A DIRTY MIND.

253. DON'T BE NERVOUS, SUNFLOWER.

254. MOMMY IS BABY-SITTING AGAIN, AND SHE NEEDS YOUR HELP.

255. CHILDREN, I SMELL CHILDREN.

256. AND WHILE WE'RE AT IT...

257. EAT UP, CHILDREN.

258. THAT WOMAN IS BIZARRE.

259. MAN, YOU LOOK WEIRD.

260. YOUSHOULD TALK.

261. AND I'M KILLING YOU FOR THIS.

262. ME?

263. IF YOU WEREN'T SO IMMATURE...

264. NO TALKING AT THE TABLE

265. OR DO I NEED TO SING THE SONG AGAIN?

266. NO!

267. NOW DIG IN BEFORE YOUR FOOD CONGEALS.

268. PRUNES ARE THE BEST THING FOR YOUR DIGESTION.

269. OOH.

270. OOPSIE.

271. THERE WE GO.

272. MMM... YUM.

273. SEE, ALL GONE.

274. WELL, BETTER GET TO MY HOMEWORK.

275. AN HOUR LATER, I WAS STARVING.

276. PORKCHOP SNUCK OUT FOR PEANUTTY BUDDIES.

277. COME ON, BABY.

278. THAT'S IT.

279. JUST A LITTLE CLOSER.

280. AH-AH-AH!

281. NAUGHTY DOGGIE.

282. IT WAS THE WORST WEEK OF MY LIFE

283. AND IT HAD ONLY BEEN ONE DAY.

284. IT WOULD TAKE A SUPERHERO TO HANDLE MRS. STINSON.

285. ONCE AGAIN, THE ADVENTURES OF QUAIL MAN.

286. DAYDREAMING.

287. HE'S NOT DOING HIS HOMEWORK.

288. THANK YOU, SUNFLOWER.

289. OH, WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?

290. YOU KNOW THE RULE, YOUNG MAN.

291. AND AS MY LATE HUSBAND

292. "THE RULES WERE NOT MADE TO BE BROKEN."

293. NOW, GET TO WORK.

294. GET TO WORK.

295. I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE SO HAPPY TO GO TO SCHOOL.

296. Mr. And finally, on today's lunch menu

297. my personal recommendation...

298. mmm-mm... creamed bologna burritos.

299. Just a reminder that tickets are still available

300. for the civic awards ceremony

301. where yours truly will be receiving

302. the Disciplinarian of the Year award.

303. I'LL HAVE BOLOGNA BURRITOS

304. FRIES, MUSTARD, RELISH, KETCHUP

305. CREAMED CORN WITH BEEF TOPPING.

306. MAN, I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYBODY SO EXCITED

307. ABOUT SCHOOL FOOD.

308. HOLD IT!

309. THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY.

310. DOUGLAS'S PARENTS WOULD NEVER FORGIVE ME

311. IF I DIDN'T MAKE SURE HE HAD A NUTRITIOUS LUNCH.

312. CHILDREN...

313. NOW THAT YOU'VE FINISHED YOUR HOMEWORK

314. WE'LL WATCH EXACTLY ONE HALF HOUR OF TV.

315. Top Prison Guards— the show that takes you

316. inside correction facilities

317. and shows you life as a prison guard.

318. OH, I LOVE THIS SHOW.

319. MY LATE HUSBAND AND I WATCHED THIS SHOW EVERY WEEK.

320. OH, LOOK AT THE TIME.

321. BETTER HIT THE SACK.

322. BUT JUDY, IT'S ONLY 7:30.

323. SHUT UP.

324. I MEAN, EARLY TO BED, EARLY TO RISE.

325. SENSIBLE GIRL.

326. HUH?

327. YOU COULD LEARN A LOT FROM HER.

328. HMM, YEAH, MAYBE I COULD.

329. JUDY?

330. WAIT, I'M COMING, TOO.

331. QUIET.

332. SOMEONE HAS TO STAY HERE AND DISTRACT HER.

333. YOU... YOU, STAY.

334. YOU DON'T WANT HER TO FIND OUT

335. WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING

336. WITH YOUR PRUNES.

337. BUT...

338. IT'S EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF.

339. OKAY, AT LEAST BRING ME BACK A CHEESEBURGER.

340. OH, SURE.

341. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE ON IT?

342. KETCHUP AND MUSTARD AND FRIES, LARGE FRIES.

343. CHILDREN!

344. I'VE GOT SOME NICE WARM BUTTERMILK AND COD LIVER OIL.

345. OH, NO! JUDY!

346. JUDY?

347. NO, DON'T GO...

348. WHERE'S YOUR SISTER?

349. OH, UM... SHE'S, UM...

350. WHAT?

351. OH, REALLY?

352. WELL, WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.

353. BOY, CAN I RELATE TO HER DESPAIR.

354. EXCUSE ME

355. BUT IS THERE A JUDITH FUNNIE HERE TODAY?

356. OH, JUDITH, YOU'RE SAFE.

357. YOU HAD ME WORRIED HALF TO DEATH.

358. THANK YOU BOTH SO MUCH.

359. CHEESEBURGERS?

360. HOW DO YOU WANT TO DIE, STOOL PIGEON?

361. QUICK OR SLOW?

362. I DIDN'T RAT ON YOU.

363. IT WAS THE PARROT.

364. HONEST.

365. LISTEN, JUDY...

366. TO GET OUT OF MRS. STINSON'S CLUTCHES

367. WE'LL HAVE TO COMBINE FORCES.

368. THAT WOMAN HAS NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN ANNOY US.

369. SHE NEEDS TO GET A LIFE.

370. WAIT, JUDY, THAT'S IT.

371. I KNOW HOW WE CAN GET HER OUT OF OUR HAIR.

372. SEE.

373. YEAH.

374. IT'S AWFULLY QUIET AROUND HERE ALL OF A SUDDEN.

375. TOO QUIET.

376. YOU KEEP AN EYE OUT.

377. I'LL DO A PERIMETER CHECK.

378. RIGHTY-O.

379. HELLO, HANDSOME, NEW AROUND HERE?

380. OH, BABY. OH, BABY.

381. WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER AND SEE ME SOME TIME, BIG BOY?

382. HUBBA, HUBBA, HUBBA.

383. OOPSIE.

384. CHILDREN?

385. OH, THANK YOU.

386. I'M SO CLUMSY SOMETIMES.

387. LET ME OUT.

388. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.

389. MEET AT CITY HALL AT 0800 HOURS.

390. JUDY?

391. I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT.

392. SUNFLOWER?

393. TRICK.

394. CHILDREN ESCAPED... CITY HALL.

395. CITY HALL?

396. 0800 HOURS.

397. DON'T WORRY, SUNFLOWER.

398. MOMMY WILL DISCIPLINE THOSE NASTY CHILDREN.

399. Mr. YOU KNOW, WEBSTER'S DICTIONARY DEFINES DISCIPLINE

400. AS TRAINING THAT CORRECTS, MOLDS

401. OR PERFECTS THE MENTAL FACULTIES OR MORAL CHARACTER.

402. IT'S ALWAYS BEEN MY MOTTO THAT CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF

403. THE RULES WERE NOT MADE TO BE BROKEN.

404. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

405. BRAVO! BRAVO! BRAVO!

406. ENCORE!

407. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SPEECH.

408. YOU... THINK SO.

409. Top Prison Guards— the show that takes you

410. inside correction facilities...

411. MRS. STINSON, WE'RE GOING TO THE HONKER BURGER. HAVE FUN!

412. TAKE YOUR TIME.

413. PRUNE?

414. OH, THANK YOU.

415. LIFE WAS GREAT

416. ONCE MRS. STINSON GOT TOGETHER WITH MR. BONE.

417. JUDY AND I LEARNED WE MADE A PRETTY GOOD TEAM

418. ONCE WE COOPERATED.

419. HEY, YOU... OH!

420. Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation