1. CAPTIONING SPONSORED BY
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
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2. COOL! WHOA!
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3. BOY, WAS I WORRIED
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4. WHEN MRS. WINGO CALLED ME
TO MR. BONE'S OFFICE.
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5. SHE WANTED TO DISCUSS
YESTERDAY'S ENGLISH TEST
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6. BUT SHE DIDN'T SAY WHY.
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7. WHAT IF I FAILED?
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8. THERE HE IS, GENTLEMEN—
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9. THE BOY WHO GOT THE LOWEST
TEST GRADE EVER RECORDED.
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10. NEGATIVE 60!
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11. BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
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12. So today, Douglas Yancey Funnie
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13. the stupidest boy in the world
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14. is inducted into the
Bluffington Hall of Losers
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15. and boy, what a loser!
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16. MOM... DAD!
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17. I'M SO EMBARRASSED!
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18. LET'S GET OUT
OF HERE.
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19. BUT I STUDIED TOO HARD TO FAIL.
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20. HEY, WAIT— MAYBE SHE CALLED
ME IN BECAUSE I DID GREAT.
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21. THERE HE IS, GENTLEMEN—
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22. THE BOY WHO GOT
THE HIGHEST GRADE EVER RECORDED!
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23. AW.
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24. THIS IS THE
COLLECTED WORKS
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25. OF WILLIAM
SHAKESPEARE.
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26. FOR ME?
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27. WE THINK YOU CAN
MAKE SOME IMPROVEMENTS.
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28. OH, STOP.
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29. DOUGLAS.
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30. ABOUT YESTERDAY'S TEST...
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31. YES, MA'AM?
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32. PHEW!
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33. I GOT A "B."
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34. THE BEST THING YOU
COULD DO IS CONFESS!
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35. CONFESS?
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36. THAT YOU CHEATED!
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37. CHEATED?
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38. THAT'S ME.
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39. HEY!
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40. I DIDN'T CHEAT,
MRS. WINGO— HONEST.
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41. BUT DOUGLAS,
YOUR TEST IS IDENTICAL
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42. TO CHALKY STUDEBAKER'S.
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43. WELL, MAYBE...
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44. IT'S A COINCIDENCE.
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45. I DETERMINE THAT TO BE UNLIKELY
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46. AFTER I COMPARED BOTH
OF YOUR PERMANENT RECORDS.
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47. COMPARED ME AND CHALKY?
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48. NOBODY CAN COMPARE
TO CHALKY STUDEBAKER.
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49. "BALONEY"-- B-O-L-O-N-Y.
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50. NO, WAIT!
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51. S-H-M-E-N-T-A-R-I-A-N-I-S-M.
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52. "ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM."
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53. THANK YOU.
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54. SO WHY NOT MAKE IT EASY
ON YOURSELF AND JUST CONFESS?
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55. I KNEW I DIDN'T CHEAT, BUT
HOW COULD I CONVINCE THEM?
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56. I GIVE THE GUILTY PARTY
ONE DAY TO CONFESS.
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57. IF NO ONE DOES, YOU BOTH
MUST TAKE A RETEST
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58. THIS SATURDAY.
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59. BUT... BUT... BUT...
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60. AND THE RETEST WILL BE
MUCH MORE DIFFICULT
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61. THAN THE FIRST TEST.
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62. THIS WAS SERIOUS.
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63. I HAD TO TALK TO CHALKY
ABOUT IT RIGHT AWAY.
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64. CHALKY'S THE EDITOR
OF THE SCHOOL PAPER
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65. SO I WENT THERE TO FIND HIM.
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66. NOW WE HAVE TO TAKE
AN EVEN HARDER TEST.
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67. THAT'S TERRIBLE, DOUG!
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68. JUST BECAUSE YOUR ANSWERS
MATCH BY COINCIDENCE.
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69. IT'S NO
COINCIDENCE.
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70. IF NEITHER
OF THEM CHEATED
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71. THE ODDS AGAINST HAVING
THAT MANY ANSWERS THE SAME
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72. IS APPROXIMATELY ONE
IN 2,070,095,908...
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73. POINT TWO.
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74. THE ONLY OTHER POSSIBILITY
IS THAT CHALKY CHEATED.
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75. I CAN'T BELIEVE
CHALKY WOULD CHEAT.
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76. NEITHER CAN I.
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77. IS HE HERE?
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78. MUST BE AT
TRACK PRACTICE.
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79. HE'S THE TEAM CAPTAIN.
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80. HEY, FUNNIE
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81. I HEARD YOU GOT CAUGHT
CHEATING OFF OF CHALKY.
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82. WOW!
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83. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU
HAD IT IN YOU!
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84. ROGER, I DIDN'T CHEAT.
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85. FUNNIE, YOU ALMOST
SOUND CONVINCING.
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86. CHALKY'S THE BEST GUY
TO CHEAT OFF OF
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87. SO I WANT YOU
TO HELP ME CHEAT, TOO.
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88. SEE YOU, PAL.
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89. CHALKY!
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90. CHALKY, WE HAVE TO TALK.
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91. I'M SORT OF BUSY
HERE RIGHT NOW.
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92. BUT THIS IS...
IMPORTANT.
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93. HEY, YOU'RE
PRETTY GOOD.
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94. WHAT?
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95. YOU DIDN'T BREAK
ANYTHING, DID YOU?
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96. NO, NOTHING BROKEN.
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97. WHERE'D CHALKY GO?
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98. ON HIS WAY
TO BAND PRACTICE.
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99. HE'S THE FIRST
TRUMPET, YOU KNOW.
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100. CHALKY.
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101. HEY, DOUG.
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102. WE'VE GOT
TO TALK ABOUT...
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103. UH, I REALLY
CAN'T TALK NOW.
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104. HELP!
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105. OH, NO, WHERE
DID HE GO NOW?
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106. SWIM TEAM PRACTICE.
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107. HE'S THE...
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108. I KNOW— CAPTAIN, RIGHT?
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109. NO— THE WHOLE TEAM.
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110. THERE HAD TO BE SOME WAY
TO GET CHALKY TO TALK TO ME.
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111. DOUG, I CAN'T TALK.
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112. I'VE GOT TO GO.
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113. CHALKY, I'M NOT
LEAVING YOUR SIDE
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114. UNTIL THIS THING
IS SETTLED.
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115. THERE!
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116. OKAY, BUT THIS
IS PARACHUTE CLUB.
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117. WAIT, LET ME GET THE KEY!
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118. WHOA!
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119. I DECIDED NOT TO TRY
ANY FANCY TRICKS TO GET CHALKY—
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120. JUST WAIT HIM OUT.
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121. FUNNIE, WHAT
YOU DOING?
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122. SHH— NOTHING.
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123. WANT TO SEE
MY BRILLIANT PLAN
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124. FOR YOU
TO HELP ME CHEAT?
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125. IT'S MY SECRET
CAP CODE.
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126. ROGER,
I DON'T CHEAT.
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127. SAY THE ANSWER IS "BOOGERTON."
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128. WELL, YOU JUST DO B-O-O... NO.
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129. NO, THAT'S NOT "O," THAT'S "Q."
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130. O... Q...
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131. G... E...
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132. WON'T MRS. WINGO NOTICE?
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133. WOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.
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134. YOU HAVE
A TRUE CRIMINAL
MIND, FUNNIE.
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135. NO, I DON'T.
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136. HEY, THERE HE GOES.
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137. DON'T WORRY, I'LL THINK
OF SOMETHING ELSE.
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138. CHALKY, WAIT UP.
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139. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
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140. SLOW DOWN.
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141. CHALKY WAS AVOIDING ME.
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142. HE WAS HIDING SOMETHING,
AND EVERYBODY THINKS
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143. CHALKY STUDEBAKER
IS MR. PERFECT.
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144. THERE GOES CHALKY.
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145. HE'S SO PERFECT
IN EVERY WAY.
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146. HE'S THE BEST STUDENT
THERE EVER WAS.
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147. I CAN'T LET HIM
GET AWAY WITH THIS.
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148. GOOD ARM, SON.
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149. YOU'RE GOING TO CREAM 'EM
IN SATURDAY'S GAME.
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150. NOW, GO LONG.
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151. OKAY, DAD, GOT IT!
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152. OH-OH.
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153. HI, MR. STUDEBAKER.
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154. HEY, DOUG.
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155. DAD, I HAVE
TO TALK TO DOUG
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156. IN MY ROOM
RIGHT NOW.
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157. LISTEN, CHALKY, YOU...
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158. OKAY, I DID IT.
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159. I DID IT.
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160. I COPIED YOUR TEST.
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161. I'M SORRY.
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162. YOU DID? YOU CHEATED?
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163. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
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164. WHY?
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165. BECAUSE I WAS
TOO BUSY TO STUDY.
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166. LET'S GO TELL MRS. WINGO.
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167. NO, I CAN'T DO THAT.
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168. WHY NOT?
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169. I'M PLAYING
ON SATURDAY.
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170. I CAN'T TAKE
A RETEST.
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171. THEN WE'LL BOTH TAKE IT.
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172. YOU'LL MISS THE GAME ANYWAY.
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173. I'D BE LETTING
THE WHOLE SCHOOL DOWN...
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174. AND MY DAD WILL BE
REAL DISAPPOINTED.
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175. BUT CHALKY, YOU'LL
ONLY GET TO PLAY
IF I CONFESS.
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176. YOU'D DO THAT FOR ME?
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177. WOW, WHAT A PAL!
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178. WHAT?
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179. WAIT, HOLD ON.
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180. PLEASE... REMEMBER
HOW I HELPED YOU
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181. WITH THAT
SCIENCE PROJECT
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182. AND YOUR
MATH HOMEWORK
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183. AND THE FITNESS TEST?
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184. CHALKY HAD HELPED ME A LOT.
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185. I GUESS I OWED IT TO HIM.
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186. 'TIS A FAR, FAR BETTER
THING I DO NOW
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187. THAN I HAVE EVER DONE BEFORE.
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188. 'TIS A FAR, FAR...
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189. COME ON.
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190. HEY!
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191. I'M READY NOW.
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192. YOU HAVE 30 MINUTES,
DOUGLAS.
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193. I GUESS I'D BETTER
GO HOME AND STUDY.
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194. AH... ISN'T IT GREAT
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195. HOW CHALKY'S
WILLING TO SACRIFICE
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196. HIS FOOTBALL PRACTICE TIME
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197. TO HELP YOU
STUDY, DOUG?
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198. DOUG'S GOT TO GO, DAD.
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199. CHALKY'S SO MODEST
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200. ABOUT HIS
ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
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201. COME HERE, DOUG—
LOOK AT THIS.
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202. WOW!
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203. ARE ALL THESE
CHALKY'S?
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204. YEAH, BUT HE'S STILL
GOT A LONG WAY TO GO
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205. TO MATCH HIS BROTHER CLIFF.
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206. WINNING ALWAYS
COMES NATURALLY
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207. TO US STUDEBAKERS.
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208. I IMAGINE IT MUST
BE PRETTY INSPIRING
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209. TO BE AROUND THIS GUY.
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210. RIGHT, MR. PERFECT, HUH?
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211. OF COURSE CHALKY'S PERFECT—
HE CHEATS.
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212. WHAT DID YOU SAY?
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213. IT'S TRUE, DAD.
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214. I DID CHEAT.
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215. I COPIED ANSWERS
FROM DOUG'S TEST.
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216. WHAT?
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217. I SPEND SO MUCH TIME
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218. PRACTICING AND TRAINING
AND WINNING THESE TROPHIES
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219. THAT I COULDN'T STUDY.
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220. BUT DON'T YOU WANT
AS MANY TROPHIES
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221. AS YOUR BROTHER?
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222. THAT'S A PRETTY
BIG WALL TO FILL.
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223. HE'S RIGHT, DAD.
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224. HMM...
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225. WE'LL HAVE TO TALK
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226. ABOUT HOW YOU WANT
TO HANDLE THIS, CHALKY.
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227. SO CHALKY AND HIS DAD
AGREED TO THE RETEST
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228. AND THE TEAM PLAYED
SATURDAY'S GAME WITHOUT HIM.
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229. THEY'RE KILLING US,
MRS. WINGO.
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230. ONE PLAY— JUST ONE PLAY.
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231. AS FOR ME, I'M GLAD I DIDN'T
TAKE THE RAP FOR CHEATING
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232. 'CAUSE I DIDN'T.
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233. HEY, FUNNIE,
I GOT IT.
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234. YOU WEAR A MIRROR
IN YOUR HAT...
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235. ROGER, I DIDN'T CHEAT.
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236. CHALKY DID.
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237. STUDEBAKER?
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238. UH-HUH.
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239. FUNNIE, I'M REALLY
DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.
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240. WAIT A MINUTE!
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241. CHALKY'S EVEN BETTER.
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242. NOBODY WILL EVER
SUSPECT HIM.
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243. WHERE IS HE?
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244. I WONDER WHAT SIZE
HAT HE WEARS.
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245. HEY, CHALKY, CHALKY!
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246. DEAR JOURNAL, DID YOU EVER FEEL
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247. LIKE SOMEONE WAS HOLDING
YOUR HEART IN THEIR HAND?
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248. WELL, THAT'S HOW I FELT TODAY.
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249. IT ALL STARTED AT RECESS.
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250. BEETS AGAIN?
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251. MAN!
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252. HEY, DOUG?
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253. OH, HEY, PATTI.
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254. CAN I ASK YOU
SOMETHING?
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255. UM... SURE, WHAT?
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256. ARE YOU
DOING ANYTHING
FRIDAY NIGHT?
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257. NO... NOT YET, I MEAN.
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258. WOULD YOU LIKE
TO SEE A MOVIE?
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259. SURE... WHO ELSE
IS GOING?
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260. WELL, NOBODY YET.
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261. I WASN'T PLANNING
TO ASK ANYBODY.
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262. YOU WEREN'T?
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263. DID YOU WANT
TO INVITE
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264. SOMEONE ELSE?
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265. WELL, NO... YOU MEAN,
JUST ME AND YOU?
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266. WELL, YEAH.
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267. OH.
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268. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO,
THAT'S OKAY.
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269. NO, I MEAN, YES,
IT SOUNDS GREAT.
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270. OH, GOOD.
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271. I'LL MEET YOU BY THE UNIPLEX
FRIDAY AT 7:30.
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272. SOUNDS GREAT.
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273. SEE YOU.
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274. SEE YOU.
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275. WOW! JUST ME AND PATTI.
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276. I WONDER IF THAT MEANS
IT'S A...
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277. A...
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278. A DATE!
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279. CONGRATULATIONS,
DOUG.
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280. OOH, WUBBA, WUBBA.
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281. WHAT WILL YOU
NAME THE KIDS?
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282. WHOA, DOUG.
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283. OKAY, STUD!
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284. THAT'S ME.
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285. HEY!
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286. IT'S NOT A DATE, SKEET
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287. OR SHE WOULD HAVE
CALLED IT A DATE.
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288. NOT NECESSARILY.
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289. SHE MIGHT
BE PLAYING
HARD-TO-GET.
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290. HARD-TO-GET?
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291. WHY?
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292. TO DRIVE YOU INSANE.
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293. INSANE?
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294. HOW WILL I KNOW
IF IT'S A DATE OR NOT?
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295. IS SHE GOING
TO DRESS UP?
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296. IF SO, IT'S
PROBABLY A DATE.
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297. OH, FUNNIE,
DIDN'T SEE YOU COMING.
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298. HOW ABOUT IF SHE
ISN'T DRESSED UP?
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299. TRY BUYING HER
A TICKET.
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300. IF SHE LETS
YOU BUY
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301. IT'S A DATE.
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302. IF SHE DOESN'T?
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303. HMM...
THE HANDHOLD?
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304. DEFINITELY.
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305. IF SHE LETS YOU
HOLD HER HAND
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306. IT IS DEFINITELY
A DATE.
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307. IN YOUR SEATS, EVERYONE.
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308. TODAY WE CONTINUE OUR DISCUSSION
OF ANIMAL MATING RITUALS.
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309. NOT AGAIN!
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310. WOW!
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311. IF IT IS A DATE,
I'VE GOT RESEARCH TO DO.
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312. I BET SMASH ADAMS KNOWS
WHAT TO DO ON A DATE.
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313. OH, SMASH, I NEVER
MET A MAN LIKE YOU.
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314. MAY I HAVE
THIS DANCE?
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315. MEOW!
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316. HEY!
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317. THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
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318. REAL PEOPLE DON'T DO THIS.
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319. I WANTED TO SEE WHAT
A NORMAL PERSON DID ON A DATE
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320. BUT I HAD TO SETTLE FOR JUDY.
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321. JUDY, YOU'VE
GOT A DATE
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322. WITH CASSIUS
TONIGHT, RIGHT?
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323. A DATE?
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324. MOM AND DAD
"DATED," DOUGIE.
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325. DATING WENT OUT
WITH BELLBOTTOMS.
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326. BUT YOU'RE WEARING
BELLBOTTOMS.
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327. DON'T GET SMART.
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328. YOU'RE "DOING SOMETHING"
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329. WITH CASSIUS
TONIGHT, RIGHT?
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330. WE'RE GOING TO A SILENT FILM
BY INGMAR BELCHNIK
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331. AND THEN TO
A CHARMING CAFE.
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332. THERE HE IS!
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333. WAIT—
THERE'S SOME STUFF
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334. I GOT TO ASK YOU.
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335. GREETINGS,
DARLING.
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336. YOU LOOK
VORACIOUS.
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337. OH, CASSIUS,
GET OVER IT.
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338. "STEP ONE— USE GOOFY ACCENT."
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339. THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY
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340. ANALEPTIC.
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341. I THOUGHT THE
SHOT DISTRIBUTION
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342. WAS RATHER
SELF-INDULGENT.
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343. CASS, YOU'RE SUCH A PURIST.
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344. "STEP TWO— USE BIG WORDS."
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345. HOW CAN YOU SAY
ART NEEDS NO MORAL
JUSTIFICATION
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346. WHEN EVERYTHING
HAS POLITICAL...
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347. THAT'S WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO?
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348. I THOUGHT
THE INSTIMATIC
SHOT RETRIBUTION
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349. WAS RATHER
SELF-REGURGENT.
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350. DOUG, WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
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351. WELL, UM...
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352. DOUG, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING?
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353. WELL, I WAS JUST...
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354. I... I...
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355. THIS WAS GOING TO BE A DISASTER.
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356. SKEET, I CAN'T DO IT.
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357. SURE YOU CAN.
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358. WE'LL TRY IT AGAIN.
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359. FIRST YOU PUT
YOUR HAND ON HERS.
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360. I'LL CALL AND
TELL HER I'M SICK.
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361. COME ON, DOUG.
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362. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW
IF IT'S A DATE YET.
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363. THEN WHY AM I
DOING THIS?
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364. TO FIND OUT.
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365. IF SHE LETS YOU HOLD
HER HAND, IT'S A DATE.
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366. NOW, TRY IT.
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367. MMM!
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368. HEY, CUT IT OUT.
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369. YECH!
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370. THAT DOES IT.
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371. I'M CALLING HER AND
TELLING HER IT'S OFF.
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372. CALLING HER?
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373. DOUG, ARE YOU GOING ON A DATE?
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374. IT'S NOT A DATE.
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375. DATING WENT OUT WITH
BELLBOTTOMS, REMEMBER?
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376. THIS IS SO ROMANTIC!
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377. SOON YOU'LL BE
BREAKING HEARTS.
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378. THERE'LL BE
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379. "DOUG, WHY HAVEN'T
YOU CALLED?
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380. "I LOVE YOU.
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381. I LOVE YOU."
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382. JUDY, KNOCK IT OFF.
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383. YOU'RE NOT PLANNING
ON WEARING THAT!
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384. STAY HERE.
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385. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
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386. HIYA, SLUGGER.
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387. HEAR YOU'VE GOT
A BIG DATE TONIGHT.
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388. IT'S NOT A DATE!
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389. YOU KNOW, SON,
THERE COMES A TIME
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390. IN EVERY MAN'S
LIFE WHEN...
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391. DOUGLAS?
THERE YOU ARE.
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392. YOU MIGHT LIKE
TO WEAR THIS BLAZER
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393. ON YOUR LITTLE DATE.
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394. WE GAVE IT TO YOU
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395. AND YOU'VE
NEVER WORN IT.
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396. MOTHER, LEAVE IT
TO THE EXPERT.
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397. OKAY, DOUGIE—
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398. WE'LL STICK TO BASIC JEANS
AND BLACK LEATHER.
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399. WE COULD GO WITH... KEY-CHAIN.
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400. NO... STICK WITH
THE HANDKERCHIEF
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401. BUT NOT ON THE LEFT.
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402. JUDITH, DOUGLAS
WOULDN'T WEAR THAT
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403. ON HIS DATE WITH THAT
CUTE LITTLE GIRL.
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404. SHE'S THE BLONDE
ONE, RIGHT? PATSI?
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405. HEY, WHY DON'T YOU TWO
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406. LET US HAVE
A MAN-TO-MAN
CHAT, HUH?
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407. STOP!
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408. HUH?
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409. HUH?
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410. IT'S NOT A DATE, OKAY?
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411. I'M WEARING MY REGULAR CLOTHES
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412. AND I WANT EVERYBODY
TO STOP MAKING
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413. SUCH A BIG DEAL
OUT OF IT.
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414. IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
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415. IT'S NOT A DATE.
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416. IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
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417. HEY, LOVER LIPS!
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418. HOW'S THEM SMACKERS?
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419. I'M JUST GOING
TO GO TO THE MOVIES
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420. LIKE ANY OTHER NIGHT...
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421. GOOD EVENING,
SMOOCHMASTER DOUG.
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422. IT'S NOT A DATE.
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423. IT'S NOT A DATE.
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424. IT'S NOT A DATE.
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425. IT'S NOT A DATE.
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426. HEY DOUG, HURRY
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427. OR WE'LL MISS THE SHOW.
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428. HEY, PATTI.
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429. SHE'S DRESSED UP.
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430. OKAY, IT'S A DATE.
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431. UM... TWO, PLEASE.
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432. THANK YOU.
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433. HERE'S YOUR...
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434. ONE, PLEASE.
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435. THANK YOU.
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436. COME ON, DOUG,
WE'LL BE LATE.
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437. BUT... BUT I...
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438. OKAY, IT'S NOT A DATE.
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439. Oh, Charles—
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440. society will never
accept our love.
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441. But we cannot
let them stop us.
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442. We must listen
to our hearts.
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443. But we're
so different.
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444. We come from
different worlds.
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445. I know, Katerina.
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446. You are from a rich,
powerful family, whereas I...
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447. I'm a giant lizard
creature from Planet Z.
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448. But I... I love you.
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449. Oh, Charles.
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450. Oh, Katerina.
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451. Oh, Charles.
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452. Oh, Katerina.
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453. TUMMY BUNNY?
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454. YES, PLEASE.
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455. THE NIGHT WAS ALMOST OVER
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456. AND I STILL HAD NO IDEA
WHAT PATTI WAS THINKING.
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457. SHOULD WE GO DO
SOMETHING ELSE?
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458. LIKE WHAT?
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459. WE COULD GO
TO A CHARMING CAFE
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460. FOR COFFEE.
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461. OH, I HATE COFFEE.
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462. IT TASTES LIKE CHALK.
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463. YEAH, ME, TOO.
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464. I LIKED THE PART
WHERE THE MONSTER SAYS
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465. "WHAT YOU GOING
TO DO ABOUT IT?"
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466. SO SHE SHOOTS HIM
WITH THE LASER.
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467. YEAH, OR WHEN THE GUY
GRABS HER ARM, AND SHE...
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468. OOPS.
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469. I HAD A REALLY GOOD
TIME TONIGHT, DOUG.
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470. YEAH.
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471. ME, TOO.
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472. YOU KNOW, YOUR
GRASS IS REALLY...
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473. SPRINGY.
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474. YEAH, THEY WATER
IT... A LOT.
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475. YEAH, WATER IT...
A LOT.
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476. SO PATTI...
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477. SO DOUG?
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478. LISTEN, WAS TONIGHT
SUPPOSED TO BE
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479. A... WHATEVER?
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480. I DON'T KNOW.
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481. ARE YOU SAYING IT
WAS A... YOU KNOW?
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482. NO, I DON'T THINK
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483. IT WAS NECESSARILY
A... WHATEVER
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484. UNLESS YOU THINK
IT WAS A... YOU KNOW.
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485. ME, NEITHER.
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486. I CAN'T BELIEVE
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487. EVERYBODY THOUGHT
IT WAS.
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488. WELL, GOOD NIGHT.
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489. SO THAT WAS IT.
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490. AFTER ALL THAT.
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491. IT WASN'T A DATE.
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492. IT WASN'T A DATE.
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493. OR MAYBE...
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494. PSST! HEY, FUNNIE...
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495. OH, GREAT.
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496. HOW'D IT GO?
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497. WHY, YOU WANT
TO RAG ME ABOUT IT?
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498. WE WERE HOPING
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499. YOU COULD GIVE
US SOME TIPS...
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500. ON HOW TO GET
GIRLS.
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501. WE WANT GIRLS.
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502. YEAH, HOW DO
YOU DO THAT?
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503. DO YOU SPEND A LOT
OF MONEY ON 'EM?
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504. Captioned by
The Caption Center
Educational Foundation
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