Doug 4x2

Directed by Yvette Kaplan

It's the day of the big football game against Bloatsburg and Doug is snared by Coach Spitz, who mistakenly believes Doug has a ""golden toe"" for field kicking. Doug is then put into the next footbal game by Coach Spitz, and he is very nervous when he finds out that Percy Femur is on the other team.

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1. CAPTIONING SPONSORED BY U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

2. COOL! WHOA!

3. BOY, WAS I WORRIED

4. WHEN MRS. WINGO CALLED ME TO MR. BONE'S OFFICE.

5. SHE WANTED TO DISCUSS YESTERDAY'S ENGLISH TEST

6. BUT SHE DIDN'T SAY WHY.

7. WHAT IF I FAILED?

8. THERE HE IS, GENTLEMEN—

9. THE BOY WHO GOT THE LOWEST TEST GRADE EVER RECORDED.

10. NEGATIVE 60!

11. BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

12. So today, Douglas Yancey Funnie

13. the stupidest boy in the world

14. is inducted into the Bluffington Hall of Losers

15. and boy, what a loser!

16. MOM... DAD!

17. I'M SO EMBARRASSED!

18. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

19. BUT I STUDIED TOO HARD TO FAIL.

20. HEY, WAIT— MAYBE SHE CALLED ME IN BECAUSE I DID GREAT.

21. THERE HE IS, GENTLEMEN—

22. THE BOY WHO GOT THE HIGHEST GRADE EVER RECORDED!

23. AW.

24. THIS IS THE COLLECTED WORKS

25. OF WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE.

26. FOR ME?

27. WE THINK YOU CAN MAKE SOME IMPROVEMENTS.

28. OH, STOP.

29. DOUGLAS.

30. ABOUT YESTERDAY'S TEST...

31. YES, MA'AM?

32. PHEW!

33. I GOT A "B."

34. THE BEST THING YOU COULD DO IS CONFESS!

35. CONFESS?

36. THAT YOU CHEATED!

37. CHEATED?

38. THAT'S ME.

39. HEY!

40. I DIDN'T CHEAT, MRS. WINGO— HONEST.

41. BUT DOUGLAS, YOUR TEST IS IDENTICAL

42. TO CHALKY STUDEBAKER'S.

43. WELL, MAYBE...

44. IT'S A COINCIDENCE.

45. I DETERMINE THAT TO BE UNLIKELY

46. AFTER I COMPARED BOTH OF YOUR PERMANENT RECORDS.

47. COMPARED ME AND CHALKY?

48. NOBODY CAN COMPARE TO CHALKY STUDEBAKER.

49. "BALONEY"-- B-O-L-O-N-Y.

50. NO, WAIT!

51. S-H-M-E-N-T-A-R-I-A-N-I-S-M.

52. "ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM."

53. THANK YOU.

54. SO WHY NOT MAKE IT EASY ON YOURSELF AND JUST CONFESS?

55. I KNEW I DIDN'T CHEAT, BUT HOW COULD I CONVINCE THEM?

56. I GIVE THE GUILTY PARTY ONE DAY TO CONFESS.

57. IF NO ONE DOES, YOU BOTH MUST TAKE A RETEST

58. THIS SATURDAY.

59. BUT... BUT... BUT...

60. AND THE RETEST WILL BE MUCH MORE DIFFICULT

61. THAN THE FIRST TEST.

62. THIS WAS SERIOUS.

63. I HAD TO TALK TO CHALKY ABOUT IT RIGHT AWAY.

64. CHALKY'S THE EDITOR OF THE SCHOOL PAPER

65. SO I WENT THERE TO FIND HIM.

66. NOW WE HAVE TO TAKE AN EVEN HARDER TEST.

67. THAT'S TERRIBLE, DOUG!

68. JUST BECAUSE YOUR ANSWERS MATCH BY COINCIDENCE.

69. IT'S NO COINCIDENCE.

70. IF NEITHER OF THEM CHEATED

71. THE ODDS AGAINST HAVING THAT MANY ANSWERS THE SAME

72. IS APPROXIMATELY ONE IN 2,070,095,908...

73. POINT TWO.

74. THE ONLY OTHER POSSIBILITY IS THAT CHALKY CHEATED.

75. I CAN'T BELIEVE CHALKY WOULD CHEAT.

76. NEITHER CAN I.

77. IS HE HERE?

78. MUST BE AT TRACK PRACTICE.

79. HE'S THE TEAM CAPTAIN.

80. HEY, FUNNIE

81. I HEARD YOU GOT CAUGHT CHEATING OFF OF CHALKY.

82. WOW!

83. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD IT IN YOU!

84. ROGER, I DIDN'T CHEAT.

85. FUNNIE, YOU ALMOST SOUND CONVINCING.

86. CHALKY'S THE BEST GUY TO CHEAT OFF OF

87. SO I WANT YOU TO HELP ME CHEAT, TOO.

88. SEE YOU, PAL.

89. CHALKY!

90. CHALKY, WE HAVE TO TALK.

91. I'M SORT OF BUSY HERE RIGHT NOW.

92. BUT THIS IS... IMPORTANT.

93. HEY, YOU'RE PRETTY GOOD.

94. WHAT?

95. YOU DIDN'T BREAK ANYTHING, DID YOU?

96. NO, NOTHING BROKEN.

97. WHERE'D CHALKY GO?

98. ON HIS WAY TO BAND PRACTICE.

99. HE'S THE FIRST TRUMPET, YOU KNOW.

100. CHALKY.

101. HEY, DOUG.

102. WE'VE GOT TO TALK ABOUT...

103. UH, I REALLY CAN'T TALK NOW.

104. HELP!

105. OH, NO, WHERE DID HE GO NOW?

106. SWIM TEAM PRACTICE.

107. HE'S THE...

108. I KNOW— CAPTAIN, RIGHT?

109. NO— THE WHOLE TEAM.

110. THERE HAD TO BE SOME WAY TO GET CHALKY TO TALK TO ME.

111. DOUG, I CAN'T TALK.

112. I'VE GOT TO GO.

113. CHALKY, I'M NOT LEAVING YOUR SIDE

114. UNTIL THIS THING IS SETTLED.

115. THERE!

116. OKAY, BUT THIS IS PARACHUTE CLUB.

117. WAIT, LET ME GET THE KEY!

118. WHOA!

119. I DECIDED NOT TO TRY ANY FANCY TRICKS TO GET CHALKY—

120. JUST WAIT HIM OUT.

121. FUNNIE, WHAT YOU DOING?

122. SHH— NOTHING.

123. WANT TO SEE MY BRILLIANT PLAN

124. FOR YOU TO HELP ME CHEAT?

125. IT'S MY SECRET CAP CODE.

126. ROGER, I DON'T CHEAT.

127. SAY THE ANSWER IS "BOOGERTON."

128. WELL, YOU JUST DO B-O-O... NO.

129. NO, THAT'S NOT "O," THAT'S "Q."

130. O... Q...

131. G... E...

132. WON'T MRS. WINGO NOTICE?

133. WOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.

134. YOU HAVE A TRUE CRIMINAL MIND, FUNNIE.

135. NO, I DON'T.

136. HEY, THERE HE GOES.

137. DON'T WORRY, I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE.

138. CHALKY, WAIT UP.

139. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

140. SLOW DOWN.

141. CHALKY WAS AVOIDING ME.

142. HE WAS HIDING SOMETHING, AND EVERYBODY THINKS

143. CHALKY STUDEBAKER IS MR. PERFECT.

144. THERE GOES CHALKY.

145. HE'S SO PERFECT IN EVERY WAY.

146. HE'S THE BEST STUDENT THERE EVER WAS.

147. I CAN'T LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THIS.

148. GOOD ARM, SON.

149. YOU'RE GOING TO CREAM 'EM IN SATURDAY'S GAME.

150. NOW, GO LONG.

151. OKAY, DAD, GOT IT!

152. OH-OH.

153. HI, MR. STUDEBAKER.

154. HEY, DOUG.

155. DAD, I HAVE TO TALK TO DOUG

156. IN MY ROOM RIGHT NOW.

157. LISTEN, CHALKY, YOU...

158. OKAY, I DID IT.

159. I DID IT.

160. I COPIED YOUR TEST.

161. I'M SORRY.

162. YOU DID? YOU CHEATED?

163. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

164. WHY?

165. BECAUSE I WAS TOO BUSY TO STUDY.

166. LET'S GO TELL MRS. WINGO.

167. NO, I CAN'T DO THAT.

168. WHY NOT?

169. I'M PLAYING ON SATURDAY.

170. I CAN'T TAKE A RETEST.

171. THEN WE'LL BOTH TAKE IT.

172. YOU'LL MISS THE GAME ANYWAY.

173. I'D BE LETTING THE WHOLE SCHOOL DOWN...

174. AND MY DAD WILL BE REAL DISAPPOINTED.

175. BUT CHALKY, YOU'LL ONLY GET TO PLAY IF I CONFESS.

176. YOU'D DO THAT FOR ME?

177. WOW, WHAT A PAL!

178. WHAT?

179. WAIT, HOLD ON.

180. PLEASE... REMEMBER HOW I HELPED YOU

181. WITH THAT SCIENCE PROJECT

182. AND YOUR MATH HOMEWORK

183. AND THE FITNESS TEST?

184. CHALKY HAD HELPED ME A LOT.

185. I GUESS I OWED IT TO HIM.

186. 'TIS A FAR, FAR BETTER THING I DO NOW

187. THAN I HAVE EVER DONE BEFORE.

188. 'TIS A FAR, FAR...

189. COME ON.

190. HEY!

191. I'M READY NOW.

192. YOU HAVE 30 MINUTES, DOUGLAS.

193. I GUESS I'D BETTER GO HOME AND STUDY.

194. AH... ISN'T IT GREAT

195. HOW CHALKY'S WILLING TO SACRIFICE

196. HIS FOOTBALL PRACTICE TIME

197. TO HELP YOU STUDY, DOUG?

198. DOUG'S GOT TO GO, DAD.

199. CHALKY'S SO MODEST

200. ABOUT HIS ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

201. COME HERE, DOUG— LOOK AT THIS.

202. WOW!

203. ARE ALL THESE CHALKY'S?

204. YEAH, BUT HE'S STILL GOT A LONG WAY TO GO

205. TO MATCH HIS BROTHER CLIFF.

206. WINNING ALWAYS COMES NATURALLY

207. TO US STUDEBAKERS.

208. I IMAGINE IT MUST BE PRETTY INSPIRING

209. TO BE AROUND THIS GUY.

210. RIGHT, MR. PERFECT, HUH?

211. OF COURSE CHALKY'S PERFECT— HE CHEATS.

212. WHAT DID YOU SAY?

213. IT'S TRUE, DAD.

214. I DID CHEAT.

215. I COPIED ANSWERS FROM DOUG'S TEST.

216. WHAT?

217. I SPEND SO MUCH TIME

218. PRACTICING AND TRAINING AND WINNING THESE TROPHIES

219. THAT I COULDN'T STUDY.

220. BUT DON'T YOU WANT AS MANY TROPHIES

221. AS YOUR BROTHER?

222. THAT'S A PRETTY BIG WALL TO FILL.

223. HE'S RIGHT, DAD.

224. HMM...

225. WE'LL HAVE TO TALK

226. ABOUT HOW YOU WANT TO HANDLE THIS, CHALKY.

227. SO CHALKY AND HIS DAD AGREED TO THE RETEST

228. AND THE TEAM PLAYED SATURDAY'S GAME WITHOUT HIM.

229. THEY'RE KILLING US, MRS. WINGO.

230. ONE PLAY— JUST ONE PLAY.

231. AS FOR ME, I'M GLAD I DIDN'T TAKE THE RAP FOR CHEATING

232. 'CAUSE I DIDN'T.

233. HEY, FUNNIE, I GOT IT.

234. YOU WEAR A MIRROR IN YOUR HAT...

235. ROGER, I DIDN'T CHEAT.

236. CHALKY DID.

237. STUDEBAKER?

238. UH-HUH.

239. FUNNIE, I'M REALLY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.

240. WAIT A MINUTE!

241. CHALKY'S EVEN BETTER.

242. NOBODY WILL EVER SUSPECT HIM.

243. WHERE IS HE?

244. I WONDER WHAT SIZE HAT HE WEARS.

245. HEY, CHALKY, CHALKY!

246. DEAR JOURNAL, DID YOU EVER FEEL

247. LIKE SOMEONE WAS HOLDING YOUR HEART IN THEIR HAND?

248. WELL, THAT'S HOW I FELT TODAY.

249. IT ALL STARTED AT RECESS.

250. BEETS AGAIN?

251. MAN!

252. HEY, DOUG?

253. OH, HEY, PATTI.

254. CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

255. UM... SURE, WHAT?

256. ARE YOU DOING ANYTHING FRIDAY NIGHT?

257. NO... NOT YET, I MEAN.

258. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE A MOVIE?

259. SURE... WHO ELSE IS GOING?

260. WELL, NOBODY YET.

261. I WASN'T PLANNING TO ASK ANYBODY.

262. YOU WEREN'T?

263. DID YOU WANT TO INVITE

264. SOMEONE ELSE?

265. WELL, NO... YOU MEAN, JUST ME AND YOU?

266. WELL, YEAH.

267. OH.

268. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO, THAT'S OKAY.

269. NO, I MEAN, YES, IT SOUNDS GREAT.

270. OH, GOOD.

271. I'LL MEET YOU BY THE UNIPLEX FRIDAY AT 7:30.

272. SOUNDS GREAT.

273. SEE YOU.

274. SEE YOU.

275. WOW! JUST ME AND PATTI.

276. I WONDER IF THAT MEANS IT'S A...

277. A...

278. A DATE!

279. CONGRATULATIONS, DOUG.

280. OOH, WUBBA, WUBBA.

281. WHAT WILL YOU NAME THE KIDS?

282. WHOA, DOUG.

283. OKAY, STUD!

284. THAT'S ME.

285. HEY!

286. IT'S NOT A DATE, SKEET

287. OR SHE WOULD HAVE CALLED IT A DATE.

288. NOT NECESSARILY.

289. SHE MIGHT BE PLAYING HARD-TO-GET.

290. HARD-TO-GET?

291. WHY?

292. TO DRIVE YOU INSANE.

293. INSANE?

294. HOW WILL I KNOW IF IT'S A DATE OR NOT?

295. IS SHE GOING TO DRESS UP?

296. IF SO, IT'S PROBABLY A DATE.

297. OH, FUNNIE, DIDN'T SEE YOU COMING.

298. HOW ABOUT IF SHE ISN'T DRESSED UP?

299. TRY BUYING HER A TICKET.

300. IF SHE LETS YOU BUY

301. IT'S A DATE.

302. IF SHE DOESN'T?

303. HMM... THE HANDHOLD?

304. DEFINITELY.

305. IF SHE LETS YOU HOLD HER HAND

306. IT IS DEFINITELY A DATE.

307. IN YOUR SEATS, EVERYONE.

308. TODAY WE CONTINUE OUR DISCUSSION OF ANIMAL MATING RITUALS.

309. NOT AGAIN!

310. WOW!

311. IF IT IS A DATE, I'VE GOT RESEARCH TO DO.

312. I BET SMASH ADAMS KNOWS WHAT TO DO ON A DATE.

313. OH, SMASH, I NEVER MET A MAN LIKE YOU.

314. MAY I HAVE THIS DANCE?

315. MEOW!

316. HEY!

317. THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

318. REAL PEOPLE DON'T DO THIS.

319. I WANTED TO SEE WHAT A NORMAL PERSON DID ON A DATE

320. BUT I HAD TO SETTLE FOR JUDY.

321. JUDY, YOU'VE GOT A DATE

322. WITH CASSIUS TONIGHT, RIGHT?

323. A DATE?

324. MOM AND DAD "DATED," DOUGIE.

325. DATING WENT OUT WITH BELLBOTTOMS.

326. BUT YOU'RE WEARING BELLBOTTOMS.

327. DON'T GET SMART.

328. YOU'RE "DOING SOMETHING"

329. WITH CASSIUS TONIGHT, RIGHT?

330. WE'RE GOING TO A SILENT FILM BY INGMAR BELCHNIK

331. AND THEN TO A CHARMING CAFE.

332. THERE HE IS!

333. WAIT— THERE'S SOME STUFF

334. I GOT TO ASK YOU.

335. GREETINGS, DARLING.

336. YOU LOOK VORACIOUS.

337. OH, CASSIUS, GET OVER IT.

338. "STEP ONE— USE GOOFY ACCENT."

339. THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY

340. ANALEPTIC.

341. I THOUGHT THE SHOT DISTRIBUTION

342. WAS RATHER SELF-INDULGENT.

343. CASS, YOU'RE SUCH A PURIST.

344. "STEP TWO— USE BIG WORDS."

345. HOW CAN YOU SAY ART NEEDS NO MORAL JUSTIFICATION

346. WHEN EVERYTHING HAS POLITICAL...

347. THAT'S WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO?

348. I THOUGHT THE INSTIMATIC SHOT RETRIBUTION

349. WAS RATHER SELF-REGURGENT.

350. DOUG, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

351. WELL, UM...

352. DOUG, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

353. WELL, I WAS JUST...

354. I... I...

355. THIS WAS GOING TO BE A DISASTER.

356. SKEET, I CAN'T DO IT.

357. SURE YOU CAN.

358. WE'LL TRY IT AGAIN.

359. FIRST YOU PUT YOUR HAND ON HERS.

360. I'LL CALL AND TELL HER I'M SICK.

361. COME ON, DOUG.

362. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW IF IT'S A DATE YET.

363. THEN WHY AM I DOING THIS?

364. TO FIND OUT.

365. IF SHE LETS YOU HOLD HER HAND, IT'S A DATE.

366. NOW, TRY IT.

367. MMM!

368. HEY, CUT IT OUT.

369. YECH!

370. THAT DOES IT.

371. I'M CALLING HER AND TELLING HER IT'S OFF.

372. CALLING HER?

373. DOUG, ARE YOU GOING ON A DATE?

374. IT'S NOT A DATE.

375. DATING WENT OUT WITH BELLBOTTOMS, REMEMBER?

376. THIS IS SO ROMANTIC!

377. SOON YOU'LL BE BREAKING HEARTS.

378. THERE'LL BE

379. "DOUG, WHY HAVEN'T YOU CALLED?

380. "I LOVE YOU.

381. I LOVE YOU."

382. JUDY, KNOCK IT OFF.

383. YOU'RE NOT PLANNING ON WEARING THAT!

384. STAY HERE.

385. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

386. HIYA, SLUGGER.

387. HEAR YOU'VE GOT A BIG DATE TONIGHT.

388. IT'S NOT A DATE!

389. YOU KNOW, SON, THERE COMES A TIME

390. IN EVERY MAN'S LIFE WHEN...

391. DOUGLAS? THERE YOU ARE.

392. YOU MIGHT LIKE TO WEAR THIS BLAZER

393. ON YOUR LITTLE DATE.

394. WE GAVE IT TO YOU

395. AND YOU'VE NEVER WORN IT.

396. MOTHER, LEAVE IT TO THE EXPERT.

397. OKAY, DOUGIE—

398. WE'LL STICK TO BASIC JEANS AND BLACK LEATHER.

399. WE COULD GO WITH... KEY-CHAIN.

400. NO... STICK WITH THE HANDKERCHIEF

401. BUT NOT ON THE LEFT.

402. JUDITH, DOUGLAS WOULDN'T WEAR THAT

403. ON HIS DATE WITH THAT CUTE LITTLE GIRL.

404. SHE'S THE BLONDE ONE, RIGHT? PATSI?

405. HEY, WHY DON'T YOU TWO

406. LET US HAVE A MAN-TO-MAN CHAT, HUH?

407. STOP!

408. HUH?

409. HUH?

410. IT'S NOT A DATE, OKAY?

411. I'M WEARING MY REGULAR CLOTHES

412. AND I WANT EVERYBODY TO STOP MAKING

413. SUCH A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT.

414. IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

415. IT'S NOT A DATE.

416. IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

417. HEY, LOVER LIPS!

418. HOW'S THEM SMACKERS?

419. I'M JUST GOING TO GO TO THE MOVIES

420. LIKE ANY OTHER NIGHT...

421. GOOD EVENING, SMOOCHMASTER DOUG.

422. IT'S NOT A DATE.

423. IT'S NOT A DATE.

424. IT'S NOT A DATE.

425. IT'S NOT A DATE.

426. HEY DOUG, HURRY

427. OR WE'LL MISS THE SHOW.

428. HEY, PATTI.

429. SHE'S DRESSED UP.

430. OKAY, IT'S A DATE.

431. UM... TWO, PLEASE.

432. THANK YOU.

433. HERE'S YOUR...

434. ONE, PLEASE.

435. THANK YOU.

436. COME ON, DOUG, WE'LL BE LATE.

437. BUT... BUT I...

438. OKAY, IT'S NOT A DATE.

439. Oh, Charles—

440. society will never accept our love.

441. But we cannot let them stop us.

442. We must listen to our hearts.

443. But we're so different.

444. We come from different worlds.

445. I know, Katerina.

446. You are from a rich, powerful family, whereas I...

447. I'm a giant lizard creature from Planet Z.

448. But I... I love you.

449. Oh, Charles.

450. Oh, Katerina.

451. Oh, Charles.

452. Oh, Katerina.

453. TUMMY BUNNY?

454. YES, PLEASE.

455. THE NIGHT WAS ALMOST OVER

456. AND I STILL HAD NO IDEA WHAT PATTI WAS THINKING.

457. SHOULD WE GO DO SOMETHING ELSE?

458. LIKE WHAT?

459. WE COULD GO TO A CHARMING CAFE

460. FOR COFFEE.

461. OH, I HATE COFFEE.

462. IT TASTES LIKE CHALK.

463. YEAH, ME, TOO.

464. I LIKED THE PART WHERE THE MONSTER SAYS

465. "WHAT YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?"

466. SO SHE SHOOTS HIM WITH THE LASER.

467. YEAH, OR WHEN THE GUY GRABS HER ARM, AND SHE...

468. OOPS.

469. I HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME TONIGHT, DOUG.

470. YEAH.

471. ME, TOO.

472. YOU KNOW, YOUR GRASS IS REALLY...

473. SPRINGY.

474. YEAH, THEY WATER IT... A LOT.

475. YEAH, WATER IT... A LOT.

476. SO PATTI...

477. SO DOUG?

478. LISTEN, WAS TONIGHT SUPPOSED TO BE

479. A... WHATEVER?

480. I DON'T KNOW.

481. ARE YOU SAYING IT WAS A... YOU KNOW?

482. NO, I DON'T THINK

483. IT WAS NECESSARILY A... WHATEVER

484. UNLESS YOU THINK IT WAS A... YOU KNOW.

485. ME, NEITHER.

486. I CAN'T BELIEVE

487. EVERYBODY THOUGHT IT WAS.

488. WELL, GOOD NIGHT.

489. SO THAT WAS IT.

490. AFTER ALL THAT.

491. IT WASN'T A DATE.

492. IT WASN'T A DATE.

493. OR MAYBE...

494. PSST! HEY, FUNNIE...

495. OH, GREAT.

496. HOW'D IT GO?

497. WHY, YOU WANT TO RAG ME ABOUT IT?

498. WE WERE HOPING

499. YOU COULD GIVE US SOME TIPS...

500. ON HOW TO GET GIRLS.

501. WE WANT GIRLS.

502. YEAH, HOW DO YOU DO THAT?

503. DO YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON 'EM?

504. Captioned by The Caption Center Educational Foundation