Doug 4x11

Directed by Carol Millican

After performing a magic trick, Doug becomes adored by a third grader named Todd Bentley, who starts to follow Doug everywhere. Soon Doug is embarrassed by all the attention Todd is giving him, and tells Todd to leave him alone, which upsets Todd and leaves Doug feeling guilty.

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1. CAPTIONING SPONSORED BY THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

2. COOL! WHOA!

3. HAVE YOU BEEN SO BROKE

4. YOU HAD TO CASH IN PENNIES?

5. WELL, HELLO THERE, YANCEY.

6. HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

7. MY NAME'S DOUG.

8. AREN'T YOU PHILIP FUNNIE'S BOY?

9. YEAH.

10. I THOUGHT SO.

11. YOU HERE TO ROB THE BANK?

12. YEAH, YEAH, GOOD ONE.

13. EXCUSE ME.

14. OH, UH... YES.

15. THAT'S 50s AND 100s, PLEASE.

16. EXCUSE ME, MA'AM, YOU DROPPED THIS.

17. OH, WHY, THANK YOU.

18. I SWANEE, I'D LOSE MY HEAD

19. IF IT WEREN'T BOLTED TO MY NECK.

20. NEXT!

21. HEY, MRS. SCHROEDER.

22. HI, THERE, DOUGLAS.

23. BUYING OUT THE BANK AGAIN?

24. NO, JUST CASHING IN MY PENNIES.

25. LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT HERE.

26. ONE, TWO, THREE... $5.50.

27. THANKS... SEE YOU.

28. HOW ABOUT A SHAKE AT THE HONKER BURGER— MY TREAT?

29. SEE YOU LATER, YANCEY.

30. DON'T SPEND IT ALL IN ONE PLACE.

31. YEAH.

32. RIGHT.

33. OH, MAN.

34. HEY, LOOK.

35. MONEY!

36. HOLY COW, THIS IS A TON OF MONEY.

37. THAT'S ME.

38. HEY!

39. I'VE NEVER SEEN SO MUCH MONEY IN MY LIFE.

40. WHOSE DO YOU THINK IT IS?

41. I KNOW, FINDERS KEEPERS, LOSERS WEEPERS

42. BUT MAYBE ITS OWNER WILL MISS IT.

43. OH, MOMO.

44. ALL THE MONEY WE'VE SAVED FOR THE WINTER IS GONE.

45. WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO NOW?

46. DON'T FRET, LITTLE BOBO

47. FOR SOME LUCKY LITTLE BOY AND HIS DOG

48. WILL STUMBLE UPON THIS FORTUNE

49. AND LIVE HAPPILY AND RICHLY EVER AFTER.

50. COME ON, PORKCHOP.

51. YOU KNOW WHAT WE GOT TO DO.

52. Freeze!

53. Up against the wall

54. and spread them!

55. WHAT'S YOUR STORY, KID?

56. OH, UH...

57. I FOUND THIS MONEY IN A GUTTER.

58. IT MIGHT BELONG TO SOMEBODY.

59. HOLY GUACAMOLE!

60. THIS IS A LOT OF DOUGH, KID.

61. YOU FOUND COLD, HARD CASH AND YOU BROUGHT IT HERE?

62. YES, SIR.

63. HEY, GUYS, GET A LOAD OF THIS.

64. KID FINDS SOME CASH AND ACTUALLY TURNS IT IN!

65. I STOOD THERE FEELING LIKE SOME KIND OF FREAK IN A SIDESHOW.

66. HURRY, HURRY, HURRY.

67. STEP RIGHT UP TO SEE OTIS THE FROG BOY

68. THE VOLCANO GIRL

69. DOUG, THE AMAZING HONEST BOY.

70. HE FOUND A FORTUNE AND HE GAVE IT AWAY.

71. WHAT WAS THE BIG DEAL?

72. I DID WHAT ANYBODY WOULD HAVE DONE, DIDN'T I?

73. YOU'RE A WEIRDO, FUNNIE.

74. NOBODY IN THE UNIVERSE WOULD TURN IN FREE MONEY

75. EXCEPT YOU.

76. IT BELONGS TO SOMEBODY ELSE.

77. OH, MAN, TELL ME

78. I'M NOT HEARING WHAT I'M HEARING.

79. YOU COULD HAVE KEPT IT AND, DUH... HAD THE MONEY.

80. I WOULD HAVE TAKEN IT OFF YOUR HANDS.

81. WHAT A WEIRDO!

82. I'M NOT THE ONLY GUY THAT WOULD HAVE TURNED IT IN, AM I?

83. SKEET, DO YOU THINK I'M A WEIRDO?

84. SURE... BUT IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG

85. WITH BEING A WEIRDO?

86. GREAT... NOW I WAS A WEIRDO, AND IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH...

87. I THOUGHT IT WAS THE RIGHT THING.

88. RIGHT AND WRONG— SUCH BOURGEOIS CONCEPTS.

89. IT WAS YOUR DESTINY TO FIND THAT MONEY.

90. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, JUDY.

91. MR. DESTINY CALLED AND DOUGIE PUT HIM ON HOLD.

92. JUDITH!

93. I'M PROUD OF YOU.

94. I THINK YOU DID THE RIGHT THING.

95. YEAH, THANKS, MOM.

96. DOUG, EXACTLY HOW MUCH WAS IT

97. THAT YOU DID THE RIGHT THING WITH?

98. PHIL!

99. SORRY.

100. MAYBE IT WAS

101. THE CHANCE OF A LIFETIME.

102. [ imitating Herve Villechaize:] LOOK, BOSS

103. THE PLANE, THE PLANE!

104. WHAT A DREAM!

105. WELCOME TO FUNNIE ISLAND, WHERE YOUR FANTASIES COME TRUE.

106. ROGER, SHOW OUR GUESTS

107. TO THEIR RICHES, FAME AND FORTUNE.

108. RIGHT, BOSS.

109. OH, DOUG, YOU'RE MY FANTASY.

110. FANTASY... FANTASY.

111. AFTER A WHILE, I'D PRACTICALLY FORGOTTEN

112. ABOUT THE WHOLE THING, UNTIL...

113. HELLO, OFFICER.

114. WHAT'S YOUR STORY, KID?

115. YOU CALLED ME IN.

116. I'M THE WEIRDO WHO TURNED IN THE COLD, HARD CASH.

117. OH, IT'S YOU!

118. WAIT RIGHT THERE.

119. DON'T MOVE.

120. CONGRATULATIONS!

121. WAY TO GO, DOUGIE.

122. THAT'S RIGHT, KID.

123. NO ONE CLAIMED IT IN 30 DAYS.

124. THE LAW SAYS IT'S YOURS.

125. HERE YOU GO.

126. ALL RIGHT.

127. WE'RE RICH!

128. WHOO-WHOO!

129. WE'RE RICH.

130. MONEY, MONEY, MONEY.

131. HEY, WEIRDO.

132. WHAT YOU BEEN DOING?

133. ROLLING PENNIES?

134. NO.

135. JOEY KOOKAMUNGA!

136. CAN I HELP YOU UP, MR. FUNNIE?

137. HEY, GUYS, DID YOU SEE

138. THE LOAD OF MAZUMA FUNNIE HAS?

139. HOW DO YOU DO, SIR?

140. BEAUTIFUL DAY FOR SHOPPING.

141. CAN I MAKE YOU A CAPPUCCINO?

142. SUDDENLY, I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE A WEIRDO ANYMORE.

143. I FELT... WELL, RICH.

144. WHAT DO YOU KNOW, PORKCHOP?

145. HONESTY ISTHE BEST POLICY.

146. 100... 200... 300... 4...

147. HELLO, MR. DESTINY, I'M HOME.

148. 2,900... 3,000.

149. I GUESS NICE GUYS CAN FINISH FIRST AFTER ALL.

150. 14,445...

151. 14,446...

152. $14,447.

153. HUH?

154. I remember I was at the bank

155. with my envelope of money

156. got in my car and now...

157. I don't know where it is!

158. That's bad, isn't it?

159. Yes!

160. I swanee, I'd lose my head if it weren't bolted to my neck.

161. I THINK I'M GOING TO BE SICK.

162. OH... MY MONEY BELONGS TO A LITTLE OLD LADY.

163. WHY ME?

164. OH, DOUGIE, THIS IS WONDERFUL.

165. HUH?

166. YOUR DILEMMA IS SOMETHING OUT OF SHAKESPEARE!

167. NOT HIM AGAIN.

168. ON THE ONE HAND

169. YOU LEGALLY OWN A WAD OF MONEY—

170. MORE MONEY THAN YOU'LL PROBABLY EVER HAVE

171. FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE—

172. BUT ON THE OTHER HAND

173. YOU KNOW WHO THE MONEY BELONGED TO.

174. THAT IS THE QUESTION.

175. BYE.

176. I'M GOING TO KEEP IT.

177. THIS MONEY IS LEGALLY MINE.

178. THAT LADY DIDN'T CLAIM IT.

179. I'M GUILT-FREE, AND NOTHING'S GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND.

180. FORECLOSED?

181. SORRY, WE TOOK EVERYTHING.

182. BUT THE MONEY'S HERE SOMEPLACE.

183. I KNOW IT IS.

184. I SWANEE, I'D LOSE MY HEAD

185. IF IT WASN'T BOLTED TO MY NECK.

186. SORRY, TOOK THE BOLTS, TOO.

187. OH, NO!

188. HI, DOUG.

189. GOOD MORNING, HOW'S YOUR MONEY?

190. I MEAN, HOW ARE YOU?

191. OUT OF MY WAY.

192. HE'S GONE ECCENTRIC.

193. WHAT'S GOING ON?

194. WHERE DO YOU THINK HE'S GOING?

195. YES, MAY I HELP YOU?

196. LADY, I THINK THIS BELONGS TO YOU.

197. OH, MY GOODNESS!

198. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

199. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

200. OH, HOW CAN I EVER REPAY YOU?

201. OH! HOLD ON A MINUTE.

202. LOOKS LIKE YOU'LL GET SOME CASH OUT OF THIS AFTER ALL.

203. I HOPE YOU LIKE SPEARMINT.

204. THANK YOU AGAIN, YOUNG MAN.

205. I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU FOR THIS.

206. HA!

207. GOODY... GUM!

208. I HOPE YOU GOT ENOUGH FOR EVERYBODY.

209. GO AHEAD, SAY IT.

210. I'M A WEIRDO.

211. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.

212. HEY, DOUG.

213. JUDY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

214. I SAW WHAT YOU DID.

215. AND YOU THINK I'M A WEIRDO, TOO.

216. HOP IN.

217. LET'S GO GET A SHAKE.

218. I'D LOVE TO, JUDY, BUT I'M BROKE.

219. MY TREAT.

220. COME ON.

221. YOU EARNED IT.

222. YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES IT CAN COST A LOT

223. TO DO THE RIGHT THING.

224. TODAY IT COST ME $14,447.

225. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

226. GETTING A FREE SHAKE OUT OF JUDY

227. ALMOST MAKES THE WHOLE THING WORTH IT.

228. DEAR JOURNAL, THE MOODY SCHOOL ALWAYS MEANS TROUBLE.

229. WE JUST WENT TO GET JUDY.

230. WE HADN'T COUNTED ON JUDY'S LATEST BOYFRIEND.

231. AFTER MOM'S NEO-EXPRESSIONIST PERFORMANCE PIECE CLOSES

232. WE GO TO THE NOUVELLE VAGUEFESTIVAL

233. FOR DAD'S GRUNGE OPERA PREMIERE.

234. LOOK AT THE TIME!

235. SEE YOU TOMORROW, KYLE.

236. OKAY, MOTHER, DRIVE!

237. HEY, JUDY.

238. WHAT'S THE RUSH?

239. HI, I'M KYLE.

240. OH, SO YOU'RE KYLE.

241. I'VE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT YOU.

242. MOTHER, GAS IT UP.

243. SEE YOU, KYLE.

244. YOU MUST COME FOR DINNER SOMETIME.

245. SOUNDS GREAT.

246. WHEN?

247. HOW ABOUT TONIGHT?

248. YOU HAVE THAT THING TONIGHT, REMEMBER?

249. THING? WHAT THING?

250. THAT IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY MISS.

251. I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

252. DINNER'S AT 7:00.

253. GREAT, SEE YOU TONIGHT.

254. WELL, HE SEEMS LIKE A NICE BOY

255. BUT WHAT WERE YOU GOING ON ABOUT?

256. I AM NEVER SPEAKING TO YOU AGAIN!

257. SO WHAT'S FOR DINNER?

258. THAT'S ME.

259. HEY!

260. I THOUGHT...

261. WHAT ABOUT MY THOUGHTS?

262. THEY WERE AT EACH OTHER'S THROATS ALL AFTERNOON.

263. I WAS STAYING OUT OF IT.

264. THE NERVE OF THAT WOMAN!

265. THE GALL... THINKING SHE COULD INTERFERE IN OUR LIVES!

266. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BACK ME UP.

267. NO WAY, I'M NOT TAKING SIDES.

268. BUT SHE JUST INVITED

269. THE COOLEST BOY I'VE KNOWN IN MY EARTHLY EXISTENCE

270. TO MEET OUR PEDESTRIAN, BOURGEOIS

271. BOLOGNA-AND-MAYONNAISE- EATING FAMILY.

272. WE'RE NOT THAT BAD, ARE WE?

273. NOT THAT BAD?

274. REMEMBER MY LAST BOYFRIEND'S VISIT?

275. GRAVY?

276. OKAY, SO DINNER ISN'T ALWAYS EXCITING.

277. IF ONLY MOM AND DAD WERE PAINTERS

278. OR NUCLEAR SCIENTISTS OR HUNCHBACKS.

279. COME ON, JUDY.

280. YOU WANT THEM TO BE CHARACTERS

281. IN ONE OF YOUR STUPID PLAYS.

282. HMM.

283. OH, NO, JUDY, NO.

284. THANKS, DOUGIE.

285. FORGET I SAID THAT, PLEASE.

286. PRINCESS, YOUR MOM SAYS WE'RE GOING TO MEET...

287. IT'S ONLY AN HOUR BEFORE KYLE ARRIVES.

288. YOU'VE GOT LINES TO LEARN.

289. LINES?

290. YES, NOW...

291. YOU'RE PLAYING A POET AND NOVELIST

292. LIVING IN SECLUSION AFTER A LIFE OF PIRACY.

293. JUDY, ARE YOU FEELING OKAY?

294. AND YOU, MOTHER

295. ARE A GROUNDBREAKING ANTHROPOLOGIST

296. WHO STUDIED THE MAGUANO POTATO WORSHIPERS.

297. I HOPE THERE'S NO BOLOGNA IN THIS.

298. JUDITH, THIS IS SILLY.

299. I'LL GET IT.

300. DEAR, DEAR.

301. BREAK A LEG.

302. WE'VE GOT TO GET THIS STUFF

303. BACK TO THE THEATER DEPARTMENT.

304. NO PROBLEM.

305. WE NEED TO WORK FAST.

306. WE CAN'T PLAYACT FOR YOU.

307. YOU GOT ME INTO THIS MESS

308. AND YOU'RE GOING TO GET ME OUT OF IT.

309. SO WHAT'S MY MOTIVATION IN THIS SCENE?

310. ANGER... YOU HAVEN'T WRITTEN ANYTHING

311. BECAUSE OF THE BOREDOM OF SMALL-TOWN LIFE.

312. YOU'RE BITTER— TRY SMASHING THINGS.

313. MOVE, PLEASE.

314. OKAY, PEOPLE

315. FROM THE TOP OF SCENE THREE.

316. HONEY, THE TRANSCENDENT PIQUANCY

317. OF THIS LASAGNA

318. RECALLS MY YOUTHFUL DAYS ON THE SPANISH MAIN.

319. YOU LIKE IT?

320. IT IS A SPECIAL RECIPE WHICH I LEARNED

321. FROM THE TROPICAL RAIN FOREST NATIVES.

322. OH, MY WRITER'S BLOCK!

323. STOP! STOP! STOP!

324. YOU ARE JUMPING AHEAD, DADDY.

325. THIS WAS GETTING WEIRD!

326. I COULD IMAGINE WHAT JUDY HAD IN STORE FOR ME.

327. HELLO, KYLE.

328. BLUFFINGTON'S WILD BOY.

329. HE WAS RAISED BY WOLVES.

330. BUT THEN AGAIN...

331. AGENT 000 FROM MI-5.

332. PLEASURE TO MEET YOU, KYLE.

333. IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE A PRESIDENT TO SAVE.

334. THIS COULD BE GREAT.

335. OKAY, DOUGIE, HERE'S YOUR COSTUME.

336. COOL! I AM A SECRET AGENT.

337. CLOSE... THE BUTLER.

338. WELL, WHY CAN'T I HAVE A COOL PART

339. LIKE SECRET AGENT?

340. DOUGIE, I'M AN ACTRESS.

341. MOM WORSHIPS POTATOES AND DAD'S AN EX-PIRATE.

342. I TRIED TO FIND YOU A GOOD PART

343. BUT YOU'RE JUST WAY TOO DULL

344. FOR THIS FAMILY.

345. OKAY, LET'S SET THE LIGHT CUES.

346. TOO DULL FOR THIS FAMILY, HUH?

347. WELL, WE'LL JUST SEE ABOUT THAT.

348. I THINK I HAVE THE WRONG HOUSE.

349. WHOA!

350. GOOD EVENING, SIR.

351. MISS JUDY AWAITS IN THE DRAWING ROOM.

352. OH, KYLE, SO GOOD OF YOU TO DROP BY.

353. HEY, JUDY.

354. BY THE WAY, WHO IS THAT?

355. OH, THAT'S YANCEY, THE BUTLER.

356. STRANGE.

357. HE LOOKS FAMILIAR.

358. AND THESE ARE...

359. MY PARENTS.

360. HELLO, KYLE.

361. SORRY, WE'RE LATE

362. BUT I WAS PREPARING MY ANTHROPOLOGICAL LECTURE

363. ON THE AU GRATIN RITUAL OF THE MAGUANO TRIBE.

364. UH... HI.

365. ARE YOU THE SAME MOM FROM THIS AFTERNOON?

366. PHONE CALL FOR MASTER KYLE.

367. I DIDN'T HEAR ANY PHONE.

368. THIS WAY, PLEASE.

369. UH... WHERE'S THE PHONE?

370. SHHH!

371. YOUR LIFE MAY BE IN DANGER.

372. WHAT?

373. IF YOU NEED HELP

374. CALL ME ON THE SPONGE BUT BE CAREFUL...

375. THEY MUSTN'T REALIZE I AM ACTUALLY SPECIAL AGENT...

376. OH, THERE YOU ARE.

377. WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING IN HERE?

378. JUST GETTING THE HORS D'OEUVRES, MISS JUDY.

379. AND AS I BID GOOD-BYE TO THE TRIBE

380. CHIEF TATERTOT PRESENTED ME

381. WITH THIS CEREMONIAL TOTEM.

382. OH, UH... NEAT, MRS. FUNNIE.

383. IN HONOR OF YOUR VISIT, KYLE

384. WE PREPARED THE RAREST OF MAGUANO DISHES.

385. PLEASE, PARTAKE OF THESE PEAS.

386. OH, MY WRITER'S BLOCK.

387. OH! THE AGONY!

388. IT'S BEEN HARD THESE PAST 25 YEARS.

389. HUH?

390. DON'T MIND YANCEY.

391. EVER SINCE THE ALIEN ABDUCTION

392. HE HASN'T BEEN THE SAME.

393. OH, MY WRITER'S BLOCK!

394. OH, YES

395. DAD'S HAVING TROUBLE WITH HIS BOOK.

396. UH, YEAH... IN FACT, IT'S A NIGHTMARE.

397. MOTHER, READ US PART OF YOUR LECTURE.

398. BUT THAT'S NOT UNTIL SCENE NUMBER 4, RIGHT?

399. JUST READ IT.

400. OH, ALL RIGHT.

401. LET ME SEE.

402. THERE'S A BOMB IN THE LASAGNA?

403. A BOMB IN THE LASAGNA!

404. GREAT SCOTT!

405. YANCEY!

406. SON!

407. THEY GOT ME, KYLE, THEY GOT ME.

408. I'M A GONER.

409. YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH IT, JUDY.

410. YOU CAN KILL ME, BUT THERE'LL BE OTHERS.

411. WHY ARE YOU ALL LAUGHING?

412. KYLE...

413. IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY.

414. IT'S RUINED.

415. I GOT THE FEELING I'D GONE TOO FAR.

416. DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?

417. NO, KYLE, NOT AT ALL.

418. I'M AFRAID IT'S BEEN A VERY WEIRD DAY.

419. JUDY?

420. ARE YOU OKAY?

421. WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

422. WHY DID YOU WRECK EVERYTHING?

423. I'M SORRY, JUDY, BUT YOU JUST MADE ME SO MAD

424. TELLING US ALL HOW BORING AND STUPID WE WERE

425. MAKING ME THE BUTLER.

426. I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

427. I'M SORRY.

428. I WAS JUST SCARED HE WOULDN'T LIKE ME.

429. I'VE NEVER LIKED ANYBODY AS MUCH...

430. UH... JUDY, DO YOU WANT ME TO GO?

431. NO! NO.

432. I MEAN, IF YOU WANT TO.

433. I GUESS YOU CAN DECIDE

434. AFTER I TELL THE TRUTH...

435. WHAT? THE PERFORMANCE PIECE?

436. YOU KNEW IT WAS A PERFORMANCE?

437. YEAH... WASN'T I SUPPOSED TO?

438. WELL, NO, WE WERE...

439. OF COURSE... WHAT DID YOU THINK?

440. WELL, THERE WERE A FEW PROBLEMS IN SCENE THREE

441. BUT IT ALL CAME TOGETHER FOR ME

442. WHEN THE SECRET AGENT DOVE ON THE LASAGNA.

443. SO JUDY'S ACT DIDN'T FOOL ANYBODY...

444. EXCEPT JUDY.

445. I GUESS IT'S NORMAL TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT YOUR FAMILY

446. MAYBE BECAUSE YOU SEE THEM EVERY DAY.

447. THANKS FOR DINNER, SEE YOU LATER.

448. TO OTHERS, YOUR FAMILY ISN'T BORING AT ALL.

449. BYE... SEE YOU SOON.

450. CIAO, BELLO.

451. Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation