Doug 4x1

Directed by Paul Sparagano

Doug gets a letter from his school and panics when he sees it's addressed to his parents. Since he's doing poorly in math, Doug immediately assumes that it's a failing notice! So he does everything to find out what the letter says and avoid his parents from seeing it. If that wasn't enough, Patti is trying to tell Doug something and get her message to him.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. CAPTIONING SPONSORED BY U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

2. COOL! WHOA!

3. ROGER!

4. WHAT, WHAT?

5. EEK.

6. DEAR JOURNAL, I'VE TAKEN A LOT OF TESTS

7. BUT NEVER ANYTHING LIKE TODAY'S MATH TEST.

8. IT SEEMED LIKE EVERYBODY UNDERSTOOD THE PROBLEMS

9. EXCEPT ME.

10. UH, LET'S SEE.

11. A TRAIN LEAVES BLOATSBURG

12. TRAVELING AT 100 KILOMETERS AN HOUR.

13. AT THE SAME TIME, A TRAIN LEAVES NEW HAMSTER

14. TRAVELING AT 200 KILOMETERS AN HOUR.

15. IF NEW HAMSTER IS 600 KILOMETERS FROM BLOATSBURG

16. HOW LONG BEFORE THE TWO TRAINS COLLIDE?

17. COLLIDE!

18. UM, 100 DIVIDED...

19. MULTIPLIED...

20. A 100... UH.

21. THAT'S ME.

22. HEY!

23. I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT!

24. I HAD FLUNKED A MATH TEST, ALL ON ACCOUNT OF A STUPID TRAIN.

25. I'LL EXPLAIN IT AGAIN, OKAY?

26. THE TRAINS' COMBINED VELOCITY

27. IS 200 PLUS 100

28. EQUALS 300, RIGHT?

29. SO 600 KILOMETERS DIVIDED BY...

30. THE COMBINED VELOCITY

31. DIVIDED BY SIX OVER THREE

32. WHICH IS TWO, GET IT?

33. UM, TWO WHATS?

34. TWO HOURS, MAN.

35. BUT I'M BAD IN MATH—

36. I COULD BE WRONG.

37. I LOVE THIS JOB.

38. SORRY ABOUT THAT, MR. WILLICKER.

39. ANY PACKAGES?

40. DOGITUDE, CHEEK AND JOWL

41. BONE OF THE MONTH...

42. OOH, PERFUME, MM-MMM.

43. AND FOR THE BILLS

44. BILLS...

45. BILLS...

46. AND A BLUFFINGTON SCHOOL NOTICE.

47. TO THE PARENTS OF DOUG FUNNIE.

48. A SCHOOL NOTICE FOR MY PARENTS.

49. WE'RE GOING TO A PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCE?

50. DOUG, YOU FLUNKED A MATH TEST?

51. YOU'RE BEING SUSPENDED?

52. YOU'RE BEING SENT BACK THREE GRADES?

53. YOU'RE EXPELLED?

54. THEY'RE TEARING UP YOUR PERMANENT RECORD?

55. YOU FLUNKED A MATH TEST?

56. YOU'RE UNDER ARREST?

57. I JUST GOT TO FIND OUT WHAT THIS THING SAYS.

58. HOLD IT UP TO THE LIGHT.

59. "DEAR PARENTS, WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU..."

60. UH, I CAN'T READ THE REST.

61. MAN...

62. I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT'S IN THIS.

63. I HAVE TO.

64. DOUG, IT'S OKAY, MAN.

65. I HAVE AN IDEA.

66. SO YOU GUYS CAN TAP INTO THE SCHOOL COMPUTER

67. AND FIND OUT WHAT'S IN THE NOTICE?

68. SUCH THINGS ARE CHILD'S PLAY.

69. AND IT'S NOT AGAINST THE RULES?

70. ABSOLUTELY NOT— PERFECTLY LEGAL.

71. Hackers have penetrated the school computer.

72. OOPS.

73. BAIL OUT.

74. RUN FOR IT.

75. THANKS ANYWAY, GUYS.

76. OOH...

77. THE ONLY WAY TO FIND OUT WHAT WAS INSIDE

78. WAS TO OPEN IT MYSELF

79. BUT HOW COULD I OPEN MY PARENTS' MAIL?

80. JUST ONE SNIP— THEY'LL NEVER NOTICE.

81. CAREFUL...

82. CAREFUL.

83. OOPS.

84. JUST A LITTLE...

85. OW!

86. OOH, I STAINED IT.

87. WHERE'S THE LIQUID WHITE?

88. OH, NO— TISSUES.

89. I NEED SOME...

90. OH, NO!

91. WHAT THE...

92. NO!

93. WHERE DID I PUT THAT...?

94. HELP!

95. THIS HAS GOT TO WORK.

96. YEAH... "DEAR PARENTS, WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU..."

97. OH, NO!

98. THE INK'S RUNNING.

99. WE'VE GOT TO DRY IT OUT.

100. HELLO?

101. HEY, DOUG.

102. PATTI!

103. I'M HOME!

104. MOM!

105. MY GOODNESS, WHAT A DAY.

106. WE SUCCESSFULLY COMPOSTED

107. AN ENTIRE SET OF LAWN FURNITURE.

108. HUH?

109. STOP!

110. IS SOMETHING WRONG?

111. OH-OH.

112. IT'S A SURPRISE.

113. HELLO.

114. DOUG, CAN WE TALK?

115. WHAT IS GOING ON?

116. NO!

117. NOT YOU, PATTI.

118. DOUG, I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU ONE QUICK THING!

119. Mom, don't!

120. WHAT?

121. NOW WHAT'S THIS BIG SURPRISE, HMM?

122. OH, HOW NICE.

123. TEA.

124. HUH?

125. A NICE CUP OF TEA, JUST WHAT I NEEDED.

126. AND THE MAIL ALL NEATLY LAID OUT.

127. OH, DOUGLAS...

128. SOMETIMES YOU'RE JUST SO THOUGHTFUL.

129. I THINK I'M GOING TO LAY DOWN FOR A SECOND.

130. YOUR FATHER SHOULD BE HOME SOON.

131. IT'S HIS NIGHT TO COOK.

132. OKAY, MOM.

133. OKAY, SHE HAS THE NOTICE.

134. DON'T PANIC.

135. WHAT WOULD SMASH ADAMS DO HERE?

136. YAH!

137. ( with English accent: ) THANKS, MUM.

138. WHAT AM I DOING?

139. I CAN'T STEAL MAIL FROM MY OWN MOTHER.

140. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?

141. I... I WAS JUST...

142. SNEAKING INTO MOM AND DAD'S ROOM?

143. NICE TRY, AGENT "W."

144. UNFORTUNATELY YOU FORGOT ABOUT ME—

145. MISTRESS NINJA.

146. AYAH!

147. JUDY, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

148. AYAH!

149. HEY, CUT IT OUT!

150. MY GOODNESS.

151. HELLO.

152. Doug!

153. PATTI, CAN I CALL YOU BACK?

154. IT'LL TAKE A SECOND.

155. OKAY, BUT MAKE IT QUICK.

156. WILL YOU TWO PLEASE KEEP IT DOWN!

157. I'VE HAD A HARD DAY

158. AND I'M TRYING TO TAKE A NAP.

159. SORRY, MOM.

160. I'LL GO GET YOUR MUG FOR YOU, MOM.

161. THAT'S SWEET OF YOU, DOUGLAS.

162. HONESTLY, JUDITH—

163. CAN'T YOU CONTROL YOUR THEATRICAL URGES?

164. I WAS ALMOST HOME-FREE.

165. HELLO, MARY, I'M HOME.

166. HEY, MISTER, WHAT YOU GOT THERE, HUH?

167. UH...

168. YOU'RE SURROUNDED, SMASH ADAMS.

169. THERE'S NO HOPE OF ESCAPE.

170. GIVE US THAT LETTER, NOW!

171. SO THIS WAS IT.

172. IT WAS EITHER DESTROY THE LETTER

173. OR ADMIT EVERYTHING AND TAKE WHAT I HAD COMING.

174. I KNEW WHAT I HAD TO DO.

175. MOM, DAD, THIS IS FOR YOU FROM SCHOOL.

176. WELL, IT LOOKS PRETTY BANGED UP.

177. THANKS A LOT, POSTAL SERVICE.

178. NO, DAD, I DID THAT.

179. I TRIED TO OPEN IT WITHOUT YOU KNOWING.

180. WHY WOULD YOU DO A THING LIKE THAT?

181. I WAS AFRAID OF WHAT IT MIGHT SAY— THAT YOU'D BE MAD.

182. WE'RE YOUR PARENTS, SON.

183. YOU DON'T HAVE TO HIDE THINGS FROM US.

184. WE LOVE YOU.

185. HELLO, IS ANYBODY HOME?

186. PATTI, SORRY I DIDN'T CALL BACK.

187. I...

188. HMM... DOUG, ARE YOU HAVING TROUBLE IN SCHOOL?

189. WELL...

190. THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU, DOUG!

191. MRS. WINGO SAYS I SHOULD TUTOR YOU IN MATH FOR AWHILE.

192. OH, HOW NICE.

193. WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOR DINNER?

194. SURE, MRS. FUNNIE.

195. I BETTER CALL MY DAD AND SEE IF IT'S OKAY.

196. I DON'T KNOW WHY I WAS SO SCARED OF THAT STUPID LETTER.

197. IT'S AMAZING HOW MUCH I WENT THROUGH

198. TO AVOID SOMETHING THAT TURNED OUT TO BE PRETTY GREAT.

199. SO YOU JUST DIVIDE THE DISTANCE, 600

200. BY THE SPEED, 300

201. AND YOU GET...

202. THE TIME, WHICH IS TWO!

203. I'M GETTING THE HANG OF IT.

204. HEY, WHAT'S THAT?

205. OH, NOTHING.

206. ONE, TWO, THREE, TWO

207. ONE, TWO, THREE, THREE

208. ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.

209. I GOT IT.

210. DEAR JOURNAL—

211. WE WERE TRYING TO KICK FIELD GOALS

212. IN GYM CLASS TODAY WHEN...

213. TRY AGAIN!

214. YOU'LL MAKE ONE SOONER OR LATER.

215. IT'S NO USE, SKEETER.

216. NO, I CAN FEEL IT.

217. 57 IS YOUR LUCKY NUMBER.

218. WHY CAN'T YOU KICK IN TONIGHT'S GAME?

219. YOU CAN USE YOUR OTHER LEG, RIGHT?

220. THE DOCTOR SAID TO STAY OFF IT, COACH.

221. THAT QUACK— HOW WILL I FIND A KICKER...?

222. OW!

223. OOH.

224. HEY...

225. IT'S GOOD!

226. DOUG FUNNIE SCORES AND WINS!

227. SKEETER, I FINALLY MADE ONE.

228. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

229. HEY, YOU.

230. CONGRATULATIONS— YOU'RE MY NEW

231. FIELD GOAL KICKER.

232. HUH?

233. THAT'S ME.

234. HEY!

235. With four seconds left

236. THE HONKERS AGAIN DECIDED TO GO WITH THEIR STAR KICKER

237. DOUG "THE TOE" FUNNIE.

238. IT'S A 99-YARD KICK— CAN YOU DO IT?

239. TAKE IT EASY, COACH.

240. OOH!

241. GO, TOE!

242. GO TOE!

243. HIKE!

244. Toe has done it!

245. The farthest field goal in history!

246. YOU'VE JUST WON THE BEEF BOWL CLASSIC.

247. WHAT WILL YOU DO NOW?

248. I'M GOING TO FUNKYTOWN.

249. I GOT YOUR SHOE.

250. COACH SPITZ WANTS ME TO KICK

251. FOR THE BIG GAME TONIGHT.

252. WHAT WILL YOU TELL HIM?

253. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

254. DON'T YOU KNOW HOW BIG THIS IS?

255. I'M GOING TO BE THE GUY...

256. I THOUGHT YOU COULDN'T KICK FOR BEANS.

257. OH, MAN.

258. SKEETER, YOU'RE RIGHT—

259. I CAN'T KICK A FIELD GOAL.

260. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

261. IT'LL BE A DISASTER.

262. WHY YOU DON'T YOU JUST TELL COACH SPITZ

263. YOU CAN'T DO IT?

264. YEAH, I'M SURE HE'LL UNDERSTAND.

265. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T KICK?

266. WHAT HAPPENED TODAY, WELL, THAT WAS JUST A...

267. MENTAL PREPARATION.

268. I ALWAYS SQUEEZE THE GUTS OUT OF VEGETABLES

269. BEFORE THE BIG GAME.

270. SQUEEZE IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT, SON.

271. GUESS I'M NOT MUCH OF A TOMATO SQUEEZER, SIR.

272. THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.

273. YOU'LL ALWAYS BE A TINY BOY

274. UNLESS YOU CONFRONT YOUR FEARS HEAD-ON LIKE A MAN.

275. NOW COME HERE...

276. UP ON YOUR DESK?

277. THAT'S RIGHT, UP HERE.

278. LOOK DOWN THERE.

279. HOW DO YOU FEEL?

280. STUPID?

281. NO, TALL!

282. UP HERE YOU'RE A BIG MAN WITH NO FEARS.

283. 90% OF FOOTBALL IS A MENTAL GAME, FUNNIE.

284. SO YOU WILL KICK FOR THE HONKERS TONIGHT

285. AND YOU WILL STAND TALL.

286. I WILL?

287. YUP.

288. SQUEEZE IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT.

289. GAME'S AT 6:00.

290. I PRACTICED FOR HOURS, BUT IT SEEMED

291. THAT ONE GREAT KICK WAS JUST A TOTAL ACCIDENT.

292. WHOA!

293. I'M GOING TO NEED SOME HELP.

294. FOOTBALL FOLLIES

295. GREAT GRID IRON STORIES, PIGSKIN PARADE

296. IAN STENBLATTERS' QUICK GUIDE TO FIELD GOAL KICKING

297. PERFECT!

298. "TO KICK A PERFECT FIELD GOAL

299. JUST FOLLOW THESE 27 EASY-TO-REMEMBER STEPS..."

300. GREAT!

301. ( sadly: ) GREAT.

302. Coach Spitz: ALL RIGHT...

303. GRAB A FRUIT AND LISTEN UP.

304. OUR TEAM HAS NEVER SCORED A POINT AGAINST BLOATSBURG— WHY?

305. BECAUSE THEY'RE BIGGER, BETTER AND BRAVER.

306. BUT TODAY IS A NEW DAY

307. AND WE HAVE A NEW KICKER.

308. FUNNIE!

309. AS I SAID, WE HAVE A NEW KICKER

310. AND THIS KID HAS A GOLDEN TOE.

311. DUH...

312. IF WE GET NEAR THE GOAL POST, OUR WORRIES ARE OVER.

313. HEY SPITZ!

314. WANT TO SEE MY NEW SECRET WEAPON?

315. PERCY FEMUR!

316. I THOUGHT HE WAS STILL IN REFORM SCHOOL.

317. YOU DON'T SCARE ME, BARNEY.

318. THE BOY WITH THE GOLDEN TOE.

319. FEMUR, TIE YOUR SHOE!

320. HUH? OH, THANKS, COACH.

321. THE HONKERS HAVE WON THE TOSS.

322. THEY WILL RECEIVE FIRST.

323. LET'S PLAY FOOTBALL!

324. GET ON OUT THERE.

325. KILL, KILL, KILL!

326. THAT PERCY FEMUR

327. IS JUST A SOGGY TOMATO IN YOUR HAND.

328. "STEP 11, THE HOLDER SHOULD ANGLE THE FOOTBALL

329. AT 34-DEGREES..."

330. HEY, DOUG!

331. I'M ROOTING FOR YOU!

332. ALL RIGHT!

333. TOUCHDOWN, BLOATSBURG!

334. FEMUR, YOUR SHOES!

335. HUH? OH.

336. TIME— TIME OUT.

337. OKAY, MEN, GET IN HERE.

338. HEY, DOUG, GREAT, HUH?

339. GREAT?

340. YEAH, LOOKS LIKE YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TO KICK!

341. NOW PAY ATTENTION.

342. I CALL THIS THE DOUBLE-INGO-BONGO-FIRE-AWAY.

343. SEE, RIGHT TACKLE IN AROUND LIKE THIS, SEE.

344. THIS GUY PULLS HERE— BOOM!

345. THIS GUY CRACKS BACK— BAM!

346. GUYS ARE HITTING AND RUNNING ALL OVER.

347. IT'S JUST LIKE FOOTBALL AND YOU... WHO AM I KIDDING?

348. CHALKY, GET IN THERE AND MAKE UP YOUR OWN PLAY.

349. HIKE!

350. WHOO, GO CHALKY!

351. NO, CHALKY, NO!

352. CHALKY, CHALKY, CHALKY, CHALKY!

353. WAY TO GO!

354. WE HAVEN'T BEEN THIS CLOSE IN YEARS!

355. "STEP 14, TO COMPENSATE FOR WIND, PLANT NON-KICKING FOOT..."

356. FUNNIE!

357. WE NEED YOUR GOLDEN TOE.

358. IT'S FIRST DOWN— SHOULDN'T WE RUN A FEW PLAYS?

359. THEY'RE EXPECTING THAT.

360. NOW GET OUT THERE AND KICK IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT!

361. YOU CAN DO IT DOUG!

362. IT'LL BE OVER IN A MINUTE, BUDDY!

363. DOUG, ARE YOU READY?

364. KICK IT LIKE I MEAN IT, KICK IT LIKE I MEAN IT.

365. KICK IT LIKE I MEAN IT.

366. DOUG!

367. UH-HUH.

368. SET, HIKE!

369. NO GOOD, THE SHOE DOESN'T COUNT!

370. WHAT KIND OF KICK WAS THAT?

371. GET OFF MY FIELD, BOY.

372. HEY SPITZ—

373. WAS THAT YOUR BOY WITH THE GOLDEN TOE?

374. LOOKED MORE LIKE ONE OF YOUR ROTTEN TOMATOES TO ME!

375. IT WAS THE WORST MOMENT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE.

376. AND DON'T TOUCH MY TOMATOES.

377. AFTER I BLEW IT

378. I JUST SAT THERE WATCHING THE REST OF THE GAME

379. AS PERCY FEMUR CONTINUED TO SLAUGHTER US.

380. IN THE THIRD QUARTER ALONE, HE SCORED 35 POINTS.

381. COACH SPITZ HAD PROBLEMS KEEPING THE TEAM ON THE FIELD.

382. GET IN THERE, YOU BIG BABY.

383. BUNCH OF SISSIES.

384. OH, WALK IT OFF.

385. TRAITOR!

386. WHAT DO I DO, COACH?

387. WE'RE A MAN SHORT.

388. ISN'T THERE ANYBODY MAN ENOUGH TO GO ON OUT THERE?

389. OH, I GUESS NOT.

390. COME ON IN, CHALKY.

391. WE'LL HAVE TO FORFEIT...

392. WAIT, COACH...

393. I'LL GO IN.

394. COME ON, DOUG!

395. HUH?

396. OH-OH.

397. I'VE DONE SOME PRETTY DUMB THINGS IN MY LIFE

398. BUT THIS HAD TO BE ONE OF THE DUMBEST.

399. STAND TALL, SQUEEZE TOMATOES.

400. COMPENSATE FOR THE WIND.

401. GO, GO!

402. YOUR SHOELACES ARE UNTIED.

403. HUH?

404. I'M GOING TO MAKE A TOUCHDOWN!

405. CHALKY!

406. ALL RIGHT, DOUG!

407. WAY TO GO!

408. THAT WAS GREAT!

409. HUH, WHAT THE...?

410. WE SCORED, WE ACTUALLY SCORED.

411. EVEN THOUGH WE DIDN'T WIN THE GAME...

412. NO, NO.

413. IT SURE FELT LIKE WE DID.

414. MAYBE I WASN'T A KICKER, BUT AT LEAST I STUCK IN THERE.

415. IN NEXT WEEK'S GAME

416. LET'S TRY FOR TWO TOUCHDOWNS.

417. ONE WAS GOOD, BUT TWO WOULD BE BETTER.

418. BUT COACH...

419. NO IFS ANDS OR BUTS.

420. YOU'RE MY BOY WITH THE GOLDEN...

421. THE GOLDEN... WELL, THE GOLDEN SOMETHING.

422. BUT I WANT YOU TAKE THESE TOMATOES HOME AND GET TO WORK.

423. Captioned by The Caption Center Educational Foundation