1. This is a story about
four couch potatoes and...Copy !req
2. Oh, my God,
I should be drinking for this.Copy !req
3. This bag of ham is Cliff Steele,
an egocentric racing championCopy !req
4. who drove his family
under a jackknifed trailer. Yikes!Copy !req
5. Now his brain is all that's left,Copy !req
6. housed inside this robot
by this man, Niles Caulder.Copy !req
7. Action!Copy !req
8. Rita Farr was a star
of the silver screen.Copy !req
9. Then a mysterious liquid
changed her into a terrifying blob,Copy !req
10. forcing her to hide from common society.Copy !req
11. Larry Trainor. Hotshot pilot,
perfect life, perfect wifeCopy !req
12. and a hidden secret.Copy !req
13. Mix in cosmic radiation
and the worst sunburn you've ever seen,Copy !req
14. and voilà!Copy !req
15. An energy being living inside a man.Copy !req
16. Finally, Jane. Sixty-four individual
personas with unique superpowers.Copy !req
17. Each one just oh-so precious.Copy !req
18. Which one of you motherfuckers
wants me to jerk a knot in your ass?Copy !req
19. Fuck me.Copy !req
20. One day,
these clowns jumped in their clown car,Copy !req
21. drove into clown town
and a three-ring circus broke out.Copy !req
22. The only thing this sideshow needs
is a trained donkey,Copy !req
23. which brings us to me.Copy !req
24. I had a Nazi
turn me into a Rubik's Cube,Copy !req
25. manifested my desire for chaos
into this flatulent beastCopy !req
26. and set this towny town
to self-destruct.Copy !req
27. All caught up? Good.Copy !req
28. Let the pretentious
title sequence begin.Copy !req
29. Now comes their reckoning!Copy !req
30. They lashed their whips at you,
dear Lord,Copy !req
31. and now they will be lashed
with eternal flame.Copy !req
32. I have been faithful unto death.Copy !req
33. Crown me and let me be seated
by your most holy side.Copy !req
34. Yes! I am ready, Father, to lead your...Copy !req
35. What the fuck?Copy !req
36. Welcome back to
the shitshow, everyone. Where were we?Copy !req
37. No!Copy !req
38. Yeah.
I was just opening my big fat hole.Copy !req
39. Alas, our merry band of misfits
were not equippedCopy !req
40. for grand acts of heroism just yet.Copy !req
41. That was a finesse that dear old Daddy
hadn't bothered to teach them.Copy !req
42. Who are you talking to?Copy !req
43. Grant Morrison fans,
Reddit trolls with DC subscriptions,Copy !req
44. and the three new fans who stuck around
after the donkey fart.Copy !req
45. You still think you control
this story, don't you?Copy !req
46. Haven't seen any evidence
to the contrary, old friend.Copy !req
47. To wit. You've slipped through
my fingers for the last time.Copy !req
48. No!Copy !req
49. It's the Chief!Copy !req
50. No!Copy !req
51. Jane! Jane!Copy !req
52. Don't do it!Copy !req
53. Please! No, don't do it!Copy !req
54. No. Jane, what are you doing?Copy !req
55. No! No. Jane!Copy !req
56. Jane! No! No!Copy !req
57. No!Copy !req
58. Holy shit.Copy !req
59. Holy shit!Copy !req
60. - Holy shit!
- We get the point!Copy !req
61. We all saw it.
There's no need to restate the obvious.Copy !req
62. I'm sorry.
Am I reacting too much for you?Copy !req
63. I just don't see how
hysterics are going to help.Copy !req
64. One, I don't get hysterical.
Two, what are you doing to help?Copy !req
65. Me? Well, nothing.Copy !req
66. Look, it's all going to be fine.
Chief disappears all the time.Copy !req
67. Into a fucking hole?Copy !req
68. In the fucking ground?Copy !req
69. Well, don't get snippy with me!Copy !req
70. I've known Niles Caulder a long time,Copy !req
71. and no matter how long he's gone,
he always comes back.Copy !req
72. What about Jane?
What about the town?Copy !req
73. Jane can take care of herself,
believe me.Copy !req
74. And Chief will know what to do about
the town when he gets back.Copy !req
75. So, denial beats hysteria?Copy !req
76. You're ignoring the part where Chief
said his enemies were coming for him.Copy !req
77. Actually, you ignored that partCopy !req
78. when you insisted on
staying behind to, what?Copy !req
79. Protect some townies?
Punch some bad guys?Copy !req
80. We could've been miles from here by now.Copy !req
81. But you're not.
You turned the bus around for me.Copy !req
82. Jane turned the bus around for you.Copy !req
83. I went along with it
in a moment of temporary insanity.Copy !req
84. So, sue me for wanting
to do the right thing.Copy !req
85. And what does the right thing
look like now?Copy !req
86. Look around, Cliff.Copy !req
87. You can't punch nothing.Copy !req
88. Someone is responsible for this.Copy !req
89. We are.Copy !req
90. Everything that's happened went exactly
as it was supposed to.Copy !req
91. This is what the world looks like
when we try to live in it.Copy !req
92. Niles warned us.Copy !req
93. Then proved himself right.Copy !req
94. We'd be well-served to take
the Chief's advice from now on.Copy !req
95. You're kidding me.Copy !req
96. You're gonna run again?Copy !req
97. As far away from here
as possible.Copy !req
98. Where are you going?Copy !req
99. It's Thursday.Copy !req
100. Trash day?Copy !req
101. So that's it?
I'm going this alone.Copy !req
102. What did you expect, Cliff?Copy !req
103. We're not heroes.Copy !req
104. - Give me a sec.
- Make it quick.Copy !req
105. What is taking so long?Copy !req
106. It wants to talk to you.Copy !req
107. What is this shit?Copy !req
108. Hey!Copy !req
109. It's me you want, broke-ass.Copy !req
110. Aah!Copy !req
111. Cops are on their way.Copy !req
112. You're Cyborg.Copy !req
113. You can call me Vic.Copy !req
114. Hey, Dad.Copy !req
115. I just downloaded
your systems report for analysis.Copy !req
116. Nothing to debrief. Simple mugging.Copy !req
117. Oh. Thank God for Cyborg.
You saved a whole $600.Copy !req
118. And a possible murder victim.
She saw the mugger's face.Copy !req
119. This was the second location.
There wasn't gonna be a third.Copy !req
120. So you spent 57 seconds messing with
the perps instead of disarming them.Copy !req
121. Can we just fast-forward
to your conclusion?Copy !req
122. Okay.Copy !req
123. You're capable of better.Copy !req
124. Do better. Copy that.Copy !req
125. Like... I'm gonna eat.Copy !req
126. Enabling privacy mode
until further notice.Copy !req
127. Copy that.Copy !req
128. What up, man?Copy !req
129. Grid, pull up crime blotters.Copy !req
130. Too small. Go deeper.Copy !req
131. Search A.R.G.U.S. feed.Copy !req
132. Horrible, destructive, chaotic.Copy !req
133. Just a few of the words locals used
to describe what they saw.Copy !req
134. Hey, Jim.Copy !req
135. I know you sent us out here
to investigate an attack,Copy !req
136. but there's nothing here.Copy !req
137. The whole town's gone.Copy !req
138. God damn it, Frank.Copy !req
139. Should I just rope it off?Copy !req
140. Yeah.
Call it water contaminationCopy !req
141. or a gas leak or some shit.Copy !req
142. I'll add it to the Ant Farm's backlog.Copy !req
143. What's the name of that town again?Copy !req
144. Cloverton. Cloverton, Ohio.Copy !req
145. So, what have you got planned
for the rest of the day?Copy !req
146. After you've fixed my eye.Copy !req
147. There is no "after," Vic.Copy !req
148. Improving your programming
is a full-time job.Copy !req
149. Finally.Copy !req
150. Niles!Copy !req
151. Vic.Copy !req
152. Good God! Have you grown another inch
since I last saw you?Copy !req
153. Impossible. The cybernetics froze
his growth after the accident.Copy !req
154. And you haven't changed a bit.Copy !req
155. How the hell are you, Silas?Copy !req
156. Impatient. We said 10:30, Niles.Copy !req
157. You know,
the astronomers at AtacamaCopy !req
158. couldn't figure out why I was
so interested in their glass.Copy !req
159. And the Chinese, they wouldn't even
let me into Yunnan.Copy !req
160. So I had to crib my lensing technique
from an exiled Burmese engineer.Copy !req
161. So, just a regular day at the office.Copy !req
162. Well, the exercise keeps me young.Copy !req
163. And it was worth it.Copy !req
164. - How's the circus in Cloverton?
- It keeps me busy.Copy !req
165. I'm working with
some fascinating people.Copy !req
166. Each one of them is justCopy !req
167. bursting with potential.Copy !req
168. Like you, Vic.Copy !req
169. Some sort of giant blob run amok.Copy !req
170. Horrible, destructive, chaotic.Copy !req
171. Fucking bitch!
Give up your money or die!Copy !req
172. Excuse me.Copy !req
173. Can I help... you?Copy !req
174. What's the single most remote
place I can get to from the next bus?Copy !req
175. Ismay, Montana.
Great sky country.Copy !req
176. Great. I've been wanting
to work on my tan.Copy !req
177. That was a joke meant to make you feel
more comfortable with my appearance.Copy !req
178. Are you okay, mister?
You got hit by some kind of firework.Copy !req
179. - Second thoughts?
- Let's try somewhere else.Copy !req
180. No. Don't you dare, you little...Copy !req
181. Mommy, the mummy's awake.Copy !req
182. Jenkins. Great brewery.Copy !req
183. Kernville's nice. Good tubing.Copy !req
184. Does it even matter?Copy !req
185. You son of a bitch.Copy !req
186. What do you want from me?Copy !req
187. I'm trying to protect people from you!
From you!Copy !req
188. Just let me go. Let me go!Copy !req
189. Here, donkey, donkey, donkey.Copy !req
190. Here, boy. Come here.Copy !req
191. Hold still. No, donkey!Copy !req
192. Fuck! Hey, wait up.Copy !req
193. Donkey! Son of a...Copy !req
194. Come here. Damn it.
Get over here, you jackass!Copy !req
195. God damn it!
Brain the size of a fucking walnut.Copy !req
196. Fucking ass! Hey! I'm talking to you!Copy !req
197. You can run all you want, stupid donkey.
I don't get tired.Copy !req
198. Looking for this?Copy !req
199. - Who are you?
- Vic Stone.Copy !req
200. Some people call me Cyborg.
Here to help.Copy !req
201. Nice eye. You're in my way.Copy !req
202. - What's with the donkey?
- It sent us a message.Copy !req
203. Been chasing this fleabag all morning.Copy !req
204. Full of some kind of secrets
or some shit.Copy !req
205. I saw footage of you and your pals
messing up that diner.Copy !req
206. Wanna explain how you managed
to obliterate the rest of the town?Copy !req
207. Oh, Cyborg!Copy !req
208. The guy who nobody asked to be here,Copy !req
209. who pokes his nose
into business that ain't his! Hi.Copy !req
210. Man, you must be one of Niles' strays.Copy !req
211. - You know the Chief?
- I do.Copy !req
212. Why didn't you say
you know the Chief?Copy !req
213. Because watching you trying
to be effective is real distracting.Copy !req
214. - Where is he?
- He's gone.Copy !req
215. Ground opened up.
Swallowed him and the whole town.Copy !req
216. Our housemate Jane tried to save him.
Now she's gone, too.Copy !req
217. Sorry.Copy !req
218. - I just need a second just to...
- Oh, no, go ahead. Yeah.Copy !req
219. get this straight.Copy !req
220. How does a band of circus freaks
manage to screw up so badlyCopy !req
221. that they lose their leader
and the whole entire townCopy !req
222. at the same damn time?Copy !req
223. Hey, Monday-morning QB,
I don't feel good about it either.Copy !req
224. Did you see who made the hole?Copy !req
225. I was busy
not getting swallowed by it.Copy !req
226. - Where's the hole now?
- It swallowed itself.Copy !req
227. Did you see anything useful?Copy !req
228. - Yes, damn it! The donkey!
- What's the donkey got to do with it?Copy !req
229. That's what I'm trying
to figure out, asshole!Copy !req
230. I take it that's Jane.Copy !req
231. Larry.Copy !req
232. I'm just, um, borrowing some...Copy !req
233. I don't know what I'm doing.Copy !req
234. I thought you left.Copy !req
235. I ran from you, you know.Copy !req
236. When you... You know, in Cloverton.Copy !req
237. You needed us.Copy !req
238. Me.Copy !req
239. I ran away because I can't control
this thing inside of me.Copy !req
240. I would've run from me, too.Copy !req
241. If I could run from me right now,
I would.Copy !req
242. We don't have to get involved.Copy !req
243. Especially if we make things worse.Copy !req
244. We got a live one!Copy !req
245. Jane? What happened?Copy !req
246. The donkey spit her out.Copy !req
247. - What?
- The donkey spit her out.Copy !req
248. You know, when he says it twice
like that, it really does sound crazy.Copy !req
249. Name's Vic.Copy !req
250. Cyborg.Copy !req
251. From Detroit.Copy !req
252. So you're some sort of big city hero?Copy !req
253. I wouldn't say that.Copy !req
254. Heroes never do.Copy !req
255. See? No need to get involved.Copy !req
256. Ah! Ah!Copy !req
257. Got some wheels there, Grandpa.Copy !req
258. So how did you
break your eye anyway, Vic?Copy !req
259. Catching bank robbers? Busting gangs?Copy !req
260. Protecting and serving.Copy !req
261. Dad thinks I got a real shot at
the Justice League in about five years.Copy !req
262. Maybe sooner if I stay
on top of my training.Copy !req
263. Is that so?Copy !req
264. How about you, old man?
How come you're not in the game?Copy !req
265. Who says I'm not?Copy !req
266. Dad says you're more of
a social worker these days.Copy !req
267. You know, taking in those strays,
putting them back together.Copy !req
268. Yeah, well, not all battles are won
on the front lines, Vic.Copy !req
269. You know, you should come out to
Cloverton sometime and see for yourself.Copy !req
270. I have room for you.Copy !req
271. There are people there you might findCopy !req
272. far more interesting
than your street-level thugs.Copy !req
273. I've already got plans.Copy !req
274. Dad's plans?Copy !req
275. Jane?Copy !req
276. I know you've been through a lot,Copy !req
277. but I really need to know
what happened to Chief.Copy !req
278. Jane?Copy !req
279. Jane isn't here right now.Copy !req
280. Dead in his arms.Copy !req
281. Dead in his arms. Dead in his arms.Copy !req
282. Dead in his arms. Dead in his arms.Copy !req
283. Is she saying Niles is dead?Copy !req
284. - Jane, did you see the Chief?
- Dead in his arms.Copy !req
285. Jane?Copy !req
286. You don't care about the Chief.Copy !req
287. You just wanna blame him for keeping you
away from the daughter you fucked up.Copy !req
288. - What is she talking about?
- Shut up.Copy !req
289. Jane, stop that. Stop.
Stop. Stop, stop, stop. Jane...Copy !req
290. Don't fucking touch me.Copy !req
291. Oh. Please touch me.Copy !req
292. Please touch me.Copy !req
293. You sackless Judas.Copy !req
294. What, did you screw the nanny
while your baby girlCopy !req
295. was in the other goddamn room?Copy !req
296. You filthy...Copy !req
297. Dead in his arms. Dead in his arms.Copy !req
298. Penny for your thoughts...
Oh, dear! Cheerio.Copy !req
299. What are you two shit-for-brains
looking at?Copy !req
300. Okay, Cliff, can I talk to you a minute?Copy !req
301. Okay. Um...Copy !req
302. How does she work exactly?Copy !req
303. Work?
She's not a fucking machine.Copy !req
304. And I have no idea.Copy !req
305. - You'd have to ask the Chief.
- Glad we cleared that up. Jane?Copy !req
306. I wouldn't...Copy !req
307. Oh, my gosh.Copy !req
308. I know who you are. You're Cyborg.Copy !req
309. Of course she does.Copy !req
310. In the flesh. And you are?Copy !req
311. Baby Doll. Duh! I'm your biggest fan.Copy !req
312. Wow!Copy !req
313. You are so cool.Copy !req
314. Way cooler than the Flash.Copy !req
315. You wanna know a secret?Copy !req
316. He's not even that fast.Copy !req
317. Don't tell anybody.Copy !req
318. What is that thing?Copy !req
319. That's Cliff.Copy !req
320. - Is he scaring you?
- Really, buddy?Copy !req
321. It's so ugly.Copy !req
322. I don't want it here. Make it leave.Copy !req
323. - Jane...
- Make it leave!Copy !req
324. Don't worry. I got this.Copy !req
325. "Don't worry. I got this."
Punk-ass robo-tween.Copy !req
326. I don't really know anything
about Jane, really.Copy !req
327. Really?Copy !req
328. All right. Let's do this.Copy !req
329. Jane...Copy !req
330. Jane, can we talk?Copy !req
331. Jane, it's time to come down.Copy !req
332. I wasn't shoplifting.Copy !req
333. I just wanted to try some things on,
that's all.Copy !req
334. Everything I have is old.Copy !req
335. And that's why Katy came out?Copy !req
336. Katy's new. I've never met Katy before.Copy !req
337. She doesn't
come out very often.Copy !req
338. The last time we talked,
you said you wanted to stay here more.Copy !req
339. Have more of a home.Copy !req
340. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.Copy !req
341. Some of me do, some of me don't.Copy !req
342. Well, I'd like that.Copy !req
343. But before that can happen,
I'd need to understandCopy !req
344. who else would be living with us.Copy !req
345. How many others there are.Copy !req
346. The Underground is vast.Copy !req
347. I'm sorry?Copy !req
348. The Underground is vast.Copy !req
349. The Underground, yes.Copy !req
350. You mentioned that before.Copy !req
351. Could you draw me a picture of it?Copy !req
352. I don't know.Copy !req
353. Do you think the Hangman's Daughter
could draw it?Copy !req
354. I mean, just a simple sketch.Copy !req
355. To help me understand.Copy !req
356. Just a sketch.Copy !req
357. Is everything okay?Copy !req
358. Aw!Copy !req
359. Hey. Hey, Baby Doll?Copy !req
360. I was wondering, um, do you think
we could talk about the Chief?Copy !req
361. It would mean a lot to me
if you told me what happened.Copy !req
362. What you saw when you went away.Copy !req
363. - I can't tell you that, silly.
- Why not?Copy !req
364. You wouldn't understand.Copy !req
365. Jane, I know
this is hard, but it is important.Copy !req
366. Can you at least tell meCopy !req
367. where does Katy live in the Underground?Copy !req
368. I don't know.Copy !req
369. Holy shit.Copy !req
370. Could you draw it for me?Copy !req
371. I don't know.Copy !req
372. You don't talk to her?Copy !req
373. Not to Katy.Copy !req
374. The ones like Katy,
they keep to themselves.Copy !req
375. Baby Doll, I need you to focus.Copy !req
376. Niles meant a lot to me.
And I know he meant a lot to you, too.Copy !req
377. Cliff told me you dove after him.Copy !req
378. No.Copy !req
379. Mmm-mmm. No, I didn't.Copy !req
380. Baby Doll, no one's gonna be mad at you.Copy !req
381. - Just tell me what you saw.
- I didn't see anything.Copy !req
382. Someone else did.Copy !req
383. Who?Copy !req
384. Who saw something?Copy !req
385. Katy.Copy !req
386. Katy saw something. Katy saw something.Copy !req
387. Okay, well, let's talk to Katy.Copy !req
388. Why does Katy stay so deep
in the Underground?Copy !req
389. Because...Copy !req
390. She doesn't like to be interrogated.Copy !req
391. Shit!Copy !req
392. Nobody wants to talk to Katy.Copy !req
393. I do.Copy !req
394. I want to... I'd love to talk to Katy.Copy !req
395. Shit! Shit! Shit!
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!Copy !req
396. Whoa! Katy! I was just trying to help!Copy !req
397. Not giving me much choice here.Copy !req
398. - What gives, man?
- Don't hurt her.Copy !req
399. She's still Jane.Copy !req
400. Actually, the name's Lucy Fugue.Copy !req
401. And you're the one who wanted a fight.Copy !req
402. Jane...Copy !req
403. Fuck!Copy !req
404. Jane...Copy !req
405. Uh, Hammerhead, it's me.Copy !req
406. I know who you are, shit bag.Copy !req
407. - Care to join me outside?
- Why?Copy !req
408. I could use some air.Copy !req
409. - Fuck you, you piece of shit.
- Oh, come on. Stop.Copy !req
410. What? Fuck! Shit!Copy !req
411. Hey, Jane, stop it!
Come out. Jane, are you in there?Copy !req
412. Are you in the Underground?Copy !req
413. What do you know about the Underground?Copy !req
414. Not a lot.Copy !req
415. I know Chief was trying to help you.Copy !req
416. Maybe I can help you, too.Copy !req
417. Right on time, baby.Copy !req
418. I had that.Copy !req
419. If the word "fucked" had landed an inch
to the left, it'd be in your brain.Copy !req
420. Back off, kid.Copy !req
421. Kid? I just saved your rusty ass.Copy !req
422. You're even more stupid than you look.Copy !req
423. I can't get it out of my head.Copy !req
424. Now, how does Jane go
into a hole in the groundCopy !req
425. and come out of a donkey?Copy !req
426. Oh, God.
Please don't get us involved.Copy !req
427. I thought we were on the same page here.
We're the ones who don't do anything.Copy !req
428. But, Rita, what if...Copy !req
429. What if the donkey is a door?Copy !req
430. That's what I was wondering.Copy !req
431. My scan says
it's a perfectly normal donkey.Copy !req
432. Thank God that's solved. Mint juleps?Copy !req
433. Somebody's gotta step out
the science of this for me.Copy !req
434. Science? What science?Copy !req
435. Here. Dimensions. Wormholes.Copy !req
436. Other buzzwords from the two theoretical
physics books I read in the '50s.Copy !req
437. Not that I care,
but can't that thing inside of youCopy !req
438. tear a hole into another dimension?Copy !req
439. How should I know?
It's a being of pure energy.Copy !req
440. Even if it knows something about
the other dimensions, I don't.Copy !req
441. And we do not communicate.Copy !req
442. - Holy crap.
- What is it?Copy !req
443. This thing's throat is a keyhole.Copy !req
444. The donkey is a door.Copy !req
445. God. To what?Copy !req
446. Wherever Jane went?Copy !req
447. Where the Chief still is?Copy !req
448. Where an entire town is still trapped.Copy !req
449. Or it's a perfectly normal donkey.Copy !req
450. Okay, so let's take a look inside.Copy !req
451. I can't get in there.Copy !req
452. Oh, no.Copy !req
453. No. Under no circumstances.Copy !req
454. Rita, I've seen what you
can do with your body.Copy !req
455. No. You've seen what happens to my body
when it gets stressed out.Copy !req
456. And do you know what's
stressing me out right now?Copy !req
457. The idea of shoving my face down
the slimy throat of a diseased animal.Copy !req
458. Is this funny to you?Copy !req
459. Does my humiliation
get your blood pumping?Copy !req
460. I'd like to know what
you're picturing right now.Copy !req
461. Are you going to shove me
in a sack? Hmm? A trash bag?Copy !req
462. Cut a little hole so you can squeeze me
into that syphilitic beastCopy !req
463. like a tube of toothpaste?Copy !req
464. Push my eye into a funnel
and force me into the bowelsCopy !req
465. of a braying shit-factory
without my consent?Copy !req
466. Would that work?Copy !req
467. I am a Golden Globe nominee.Copy !req
468. Treat me like some carnival grotesque.Copy !req
469. I was the lead in Cupid Knocks Thrice.Copy !req
470. Tell me she's given up something about
the Chief, or the townies, or whatever.Copy !req
471. See for yourself.Copy !req
472. I think she's getting worse.Copy !req
473. You were right, Rita.
I have no clue how to fix this.Copy !req
474. I'm fucking powerless.Copy !req
475. Oh, for the love of God.Copy !req
476. I need a trash bag.Copy !req
477. Whether the weather be cold,
or whether the weather be hot...Copy !req
478. Whether the weather be cold...Copy !req
479. What is she doing?Copy !req
480. I don't know.
Rita needs to emote in order to blob.Copy !req
481. whether the weather be hot...Copy !req
482. Let's set some ground rules.Copy !req
483. One, during this entire ordeal,
nobody is allowed to look at me.Copy !req
484. Two, when I am in the bag,Copy !req
485. you will only squeeze me
as I ask to be squeezed.Copy !req
486. Three, when I see whatever
is in this disgusting keyhole,Copy !req
487. you will immediately pull me out
and we will never speak of this again.Copy !req
488. Cone of silence.Copy !req
489. Ew! Ew, ew, ew, ew! Ugh!Copy !req
490. Oh, God. It's slimy, it stinks.Copy !req
491. Just FYI, if I vomit,
I have no choice but to choke on it.Copy !req
492. Stop talking! I'm almost in.Copy !req
493. Oh, my! It's beautiful.Copy !req
494. Rita, what do you see?Copy !req
495. Um... Problem...Copy !req
496. Rita, you're slipping.Copy !req
497. They're in here.
They're all in here!Copy !req
498. - Rita!
- Oh, God!Copy !req
499. Rita! Rita!Copy !req
500. - Oh, no!
- What?Copy !req
501. We're going in!Copy !req
502. Help me out here.
I'm inside a donkey or what?Copy !req
503. The question is,
how do we get outside the donkey?Copy !req
504. Oh, my God.Copy !req
505. It's Cloverton.Copy !req
506. No way out but forward.Copy !req
507. Take this.Copy !req
508. And welcome.Copy !req
509. A little too soon to go up our own ass,
but, hey, here we are.Copy !req
510. Yes, it's me,Copy !req
511. your full-time narrator,
part-time Chief abductor.Copy !req
512. You're here for the tour!
Whether you like it or not.Copy !req
513. First up, the Cloverton Gallery.Copy !req
514. Small-town America, deconstructed.Copy !req
515. Bored of our pretension yet?Copy !req
516. Next, in the center of the gallery,
our newest interactive exhibit.Copy !req
517. These three meat puppets
will be performing a reenactmentCopy !req
518. of their search
for their fearless leader.Copy !req
519. Uh...Copy !req
520. Is he talking about us?Copy !req
521. Our radioactive fly boy asked,Copy !req
522. hoping desperately that
Cyborg would take charge.Copy !req
523. This is crazy.Copy !req
524. Cyborg exclaimed,
as if it even needed to be said.Copy !req
525. Rita opened her mouth even though
she had nothing to contribute.Copy !req
526. The trio continued onward,
eager for an exclusive lookCopy !req
527. at what the Chief was up to
at this very moment.Copy !req
528. The trio continued onward.Copy !req
529. Daddy.Copy !req
530. I got it, I got it. No crusts.Copy !req
531. "Crusts are gross.
Don't make me eat them."Copy !req
532. No crusts.Copy !req
533. Fuck me.Copy !req
534. House special.
Crustless PB and J triangles.Copy !req
535. Oh! Thanks.Copy !req
536. Too bad three of us are gluten-free,
12 of us are allergic to peanut butterCopy !req
537. and none of us
are your fucking daughter!Copy !req
538. As they approached
the canvases, emotions stirred.Copy !req
539. Nostalgia, loss...Copy !req
540. Futility.Copy !req
541. This isn't real.Copy !req
542. Of course not. It's Hollywood, baby.Copy !req
543. Who's to say what's real, anyway?Copy !req
544. In Rita's heart, something sparked.Copy !req
545. Do you hear that voice?Copy !req
546. Ha! You're a riot, Rita.
Jeez, I don't gotta do nothing.Copy !req
547. - You're gorgeous.
- Your skin is just glowing.Copy !req
548. I mean, you're radiant.
I'm jealous of you. What's your secret?Copy !req
549. A desire, an old thirst.
She began to feel how right this was.Copy !req
550. Dream or not, this was her set
and she was the star.Copy !req
551. Damn right I'm the star.Copy !req
552. Larry knew this wasn't
really happening. How could it be?Copy !req
553. But there he was,
soaring like a phoenix.Copy !req
554. That's impossible.Copy !req
555. He grabbed the stick.Copy !req
556. Driven by the instinct
of a seasoned pilotCopy !req
557. who had laid dormant for far too long,Copy !req
558. Larry grabbed the stick.Copy !req
559. For God's sake.Copy !req
560. This isn't real.Copy !req
561. Tell that
to your adrenaline.Copy !req
562. Grab the stick. You know you want to.Copy !req
563. You know you have to.Copy !req
564. Yes!Copy !req
565. Our hotshot test pilot is back!Copy !req
566. Whoo!Copy !req
567. And as for Cyborg,
this wasn't his first rodeo.Copy !req
568. He wouldn't be so easily seduced
by self-indulgent fantasies.Copy !req
569. Which is great, because it frees me up
to skip straight to the torture.Copy !req
570. Right, Victor?Copy !req
571. You bastard.Copy !req
572. Young Victor's pain
was intense.Copy !req
573. It was all he could do
not to shit himself to deathCopy !req
574. right there on the Stone family yard.Copy !req
575. Screw you!Copy !req
576. But that was nothing
compared to the pain he feltCopy !req
577. when he remembered his mother was
with him when the explosion happened.Copy !req
578. No. No!Copy !req
579. This is not real!Copy !req
580. Who are you?Copy !req
581. You'll find out
soon enough.Copy !req
582. But at the moment, I'm interested
in a much more complex question, Victor.Copy !req
583. Namely, who are you?Copy !req
584. Dead in his arms.
Dead in his arms.Copy !req
585. A penny...Copy !req
586. Great stuff, Jane... Or whoever.Copy !req
587. I know you don't want to talk,
but I have some questions I gotta ask.Copy !req
588. Why did you turn that bus around for me?
I don't deserve that.Copy !req
589. I just found out my daughter's aliveCopy !req
590. and all I can think about is how shitty
her last memories of me must be.Copy !req
591. I was so mad at the Chief
for keeping her from me,Copy !req
592. but the truth is...Copy !req
593. I don't deserve to see her.Copy !req
594. So what's the point of hurting you,
just to find Chief?Copy !req
595. I don't want to cause you more pain.Copy !req
596. I'll never know what kind of traumaCopy !req
597. makes a girl split herself
apart so many times.Copy !req
598. We don't have to talk
about the Underground,Copy !req
599. or your life, or anything. I just...Copy !req
600. I just want you to feel safe.Copy !req
601. Would you make me
another sandwich?Copy !req
602. Yeah.Copy !req
603. And action.Copy !req
604. Like riding a bicycle,
Rita knew how to hit her marks,Copy !req
605. find her light, sell the drama.
This was it!Copy !req
606. This was her Oscar moment.Copy !req
607. But I never had no momma,Copy !req
608. so I never knew that boys
could be so mean, so cruel.Copy !req
609. And now this baby's gonna grow up
not knowing her daddy.Copy !req
610. In other words,
Rita's an idiot.Copy !req
611. And I see her daddy in her little eyes,Copy !req
612. and I resent her.Copy !req
613. Oh!Copy !req
614. I resent her sweet angel face.Copy !req
615. I mean,
she knows this is a trap,Copy !req
616. and still she plays along.Copy !req
617. What else am I supposed to do?Copy !req
618. - Cut.
- No, wait.Copy !req
619. Ugh! The desperation.
Still she clings to her faded glory.Copy !req
620. Whoever you are, you can
shut the fuck up. You don't know me.Copy !req
621. Oh, but I do, Rita Farr.
I know your whole story.Copy !req
622. I know all your stories.Copy !req
623. I know what drove you into the sky
over and over again, Larry.Copy !req
624. I wanted to be a hero.Copy !req
625. A hero or a hypocrite?Copy !req
626. Because that's what you really were.Copy !req
627. - You don't know me.
- Oh, really?Copy !req
628. I know flying is just
another word for fleeing.Copy !req
629. Just ask your wife.Copy !req
630. Larry, when are you coming home?
The boys miss their daddy.Copy !req
631. I wasn't running away from my family.Copy !req
632. Right! You were running
from your family and your lover.Copy !req
633. I don't have to be the one you choose,
but you have to make a choice.Copy !req
634. But you couldn't even
do that, could you, Larry?Copy !req
635. Instead, you just stayed the course,Copy !req
636. and the suckers who loved you the most
paid the price.Copy !req
637. Larry! Larry!Copy !req
638. And how do you
call yourself a heroCopy !req
639. when your mother died in a lab accident
you caused?Copy !req
640. You don't get it.Copy !req
641. You think forcing me
to relive this is torture?Copy !req
642. I relive this every time I go to sleep.Copy !req
643. I relive this when I close my eyes.Copy !req
644. You may know who I am,
but you don't know shit about me.Copy !req
645. If you did, you would know
that every criminal I bustCopy !req
646. and every person I save
is me fulfilling a pledge to my momCopy !req
647. that she'll never get to hear.Copy !req
648. Trying to make her proud.Copy !req
649. Knowing I'm the reason
she's not around to see it.Copy !req
650. That's my burden.Copy !req
651. That's what it means to be Cyborg.Copy !req
652. What an origin story!Copy !req
653. Wow!Copy !req
654. Too bad it's a load of donkey shit.Copy !req
655. What's that supposed to mean?Copy !req
656. Hey!Copy !req
657. You are wrong, so wrong,
to doubt the narrator.Copy !req
658. I mean, I'm the narrator.
Think about that.Copy !req
659. I exist outside of time and space.Copy !req
660. I know your past, present and future.Copy !req
661. Please, don't do this to me.Copy !req
662. I know what you did.Copy !req
663. What you're willing to do.Copy !req
664. So, if you don't want your sad,
solipsistic, utterly useless livesCopy !req
665. dissected in front of the world,
stop looking for Niles Caulder!Copy !req
666. And you, Victor Stone,
you're the most tragic one of all.Copy !req
667. You don't even have memories.Copy !req
668. You have programming.Copy !req
669. Get out of my head! Get out of my head!Copy !req
670. Are you talking to me,
or to your father?Copy !req
671. Either way, you're on the right track.Copy !req
672. The worst thing about not knowing
your own past...Copy !req
673. Is that you're doomed to repeat it.Copy !req
674. Who are you?Copy !req
675. Me? I'm Nobody.Copy !req
676. Help! Help me, Larry!Copy !req
677. Larry!Copy !req
678. Go ahead, Larry.
Save the day. That's what heroes do.Copy !req
679. But, of course, you never were a hero.Copy !req
680. No wonder you resent
the thing inside you so much.Copy !req
681. Aha! Your deus ex is right on time.Copy !req
682. The sight of him helplessly flailing
about to free you all is so stirring.Copy !req
683. Ugh! You can thank this glowing
baby bird for ending your torture early,Copy !req
684. but don't forget,Copy !req
685. you're all at my mercy.Copy !req
686. You two okay?Copy !req
687. Not in the slightest.Copy !req
688. - What was that?
- A warning.Copy !req
689. Think you might have saved us, Larry.Copy !req
690. I didn't do anything.Copy !req
691. Thank that thing inside of you for me.Copy !req
692. Whatever it is.Copy !req
693. What the hell happened?Copy !req
694. The donkey was a door.Copy !req
695. - What?
- The donkey was a door.Copy !req
696. I see what you did there,
and I hate you.Copy !req
697. Well, thank God you got out.Copy !req
698. I could've told you it was a trap.Copy !req
699. Oh, good. Jane's back.Copy !req
700. - Any sign of the Chief?
- We know he's alive.Copy !req
701. And we met the bastard who took him.
Calls himself Nobody.Copy !req
702. Nobody?
That's less than helpful.Copy !req
703. The good news is, he's scared of us.Copy !req
704. - He's scared of us?
- Yeah.Copy !req
705. This is how I know we're onto something.Copy !req
706. Why else would Nobody lay a trap,
make threats, mess with our heads?Copy !req
707. That's not omniscient.Copy !req
708. That's insecure.Copy !req
709. - In fact, all we need...
- Victor!Copy !req
710. Dad?Copy !req
711. Someone's in trouble.Copy !req
712. So much for privacy mode.
How did you find me?Copy !req
713. When you vanish from
the face of the Earth,Copy !req
714. I get a damn notification.Copy !req
715. What happened?Copy !req
716. I could try to explain,
but the science really wouldn't hold up.Copy !req
717. Where's Niles?
Did he talk you into coming here?Copy !req
718. He's gone, Dad.Copy !req
719. He's in trouble.Copy !req
720. Well, whatever he's gotten himself into,
he can figure his own way out.Copy !req
721. He always does. We're going home.Copy !req
722. - Dad...
- This is not a job for Cyborg.Copy !req
723. The work we're doing in Detroit
is important.Copy !req
724. It means something.Copy !req
725. It's gonna get you noticed.Copy !req
726. Catapult you
to bigger and better things.Copy !req
727. And even if it doesn't,
it means something to me.Copy !req
728. And your mom.Copy !req
729. Every criminal we bust,
every person we save,Copy !req
730. is us fulfilling a pledge to your mom.Copy !req
731. Doing her proud. That's our burden, Vic.Copy !req
732. That's what it means to be Cyborg.Copy !req
733. You should go home.Copy !req
734. I'm staying here
until I find Niles Caulder.Copy !req
735. Like hell you are.Copy !req
736. You...Copy !req
737. You've been here a day,
you're covered in slime,Copy !req
738. palling around with a bunch
of inept circus freaks.Copy !req
739. Vic...Copy !req
740. You get your act together,
I will upgrade you.Copy !req
741. Turn you into a godlike force for good.Copy !req
742. I need a couple of days
to figure this out.Copy !req
743. I'll check in on schedule.
Don't worry about me.Copy !req
744. - I always do.
- Why?Copy !req
745. I'm Cyborg... Right?Copy !req
746. I'm supposed to thank you.Copy !req
747. Okay.Copy !req
748. You can do this.Copy !req
749. You'll wake up.Copy !req
750. You'll wake up.Copy !req
751. Uh, sorry, I'm looking for a guest room.Copy !req
752. Well, this isn't some motel.Copy !req
753. You'll have to pick up after yourself.
Chip in.Copy !req
754. I think I can handle that.Copy !req
755. Guest room is last door on the right.Copy !req
756. You did good today, Rita.Copy !req
757. I know it was hard, but, um...Copy !req
758. Just... You were a star today.Copy !req
759. Damn right you're a star.Copy !req