Don't Hug Me I'm Scared 1x2

Directed by

Becky Sloan as Stains Edward the Forever Boy (voice) • Kevin Eldon as Coffin (voice) • George Fouracres as Lamp / Grolton / Hovris (voice) • Katy Wix as Tissue Box (voice) • Lolly Adefope as Mrs Grelch (voice)

What happens when we die? In today's lesson, Duck learns that he is in fact Dead, because he forgot to drink water. Red Guy and Yellow Guy are a bit confused by this - there are usually three of them.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Well, I'm dead.

2. Hmm. What?

3. I'm dead. Says here I'm definitely dead.

4. What else does it say? How did you die?

5. I forgot to drink water. Ha!

6. What about us? Does it... What does it say about me?

7. Am I dead? No, just me.

8. Why do you get to... that's, it must be. That's a mistake.

9. Somebody's jealous.

10. Jealous? Jealous of me being dead.

11. You don't even know what it is. So why would I be jealous?

12. Yes, I do.

13. As far back as I can remember, I always knew I deserved to be dead.

14. Just, I'm more the kind of guy that would be dead.

15. You're jealous.

16. That's just my kind of thing. I'd better get changed into my Sunday best.

17. Oh. Did that fall out of your knee? Yeah.

18. You laid an egg. Quick. Make a wish.

19. Is that an egg?

20. Hi. Hello. You all right?

21. Sorry about that. Hey, cool place, guys.

22. Whoa. You've got one of those?

23. I've been thinking about getting something

24. like that. What? A television? Yeah.

25. Don't tell anyone. What?

26. Hey, don't worry. Just a bit of small talk to lighten the mood.

27. Now, which one of you is dead?

28. Oh, that would be... Wait, don't tell me I'm good at this.

29. It's you, isn't it? Well done.

30. No. It's me.

31. Yeah, well, you were my second choice. Here.

32. Look at that. I've been given a wreath.

33. It's just him, is it? Cos I feel like I could maybe be dead.

34. Yeah, I bet you do. But I've only got one down here.

35. He doesn't look that dead.

36. Well, there's many ways to check if you don't believe me.

37. You can do this.

38. Ooh. Doesn't that hurt?

39. Huh. Not that much.

40. My turn. Ow!

41. Not you, silly.

42. This must be a very hard time for you.

43. And you can also check your ID card.

44. Hey, it's you.

45. Yeah. Listen, I just want to check something.

46. I get it. You want to learn all about your identity.

47. Here you are. I was more hoping that I was dead.

48. What? Don't be silly. You don't die for ages.

49. Aww. You die in the lake. What? I think you drown or...

50. Whatever. Back in your cupboard.

51. Great. So what happens now?

52. Well, I couldn't see any money in your record, so I've just put

53. you down for a basic, no frills service.

54. For what? For the funeral, silly.

55. Come on. We've got a lot of work to do.

56. I said we've got a lot of work to do.

57. What are we doing? Oh, no, it's the funeral.

58. It's the funeral. Sorry.

59. Hey, guys. You all right?

60. Hello. Thanks for coming.

61. Look, I had my insides removed.

62. Hey, hey. No talking.

63. Remember you're dead. Sorry.

64. Yeah. Silly me.

65. Why does it say David?

66. That's his name.

67. He's David.

68. What? That's supposed to be your name.

69. What's his name?

70. What, the stone? Doesn't have a name, it's a stone.

71. Right. This is very confusing.

72. Change it to my name, then. Well, I can't now.

73. It's already engraved. I can't unchisel it, can I?

74. Why not? I know.

75. Why don't you write David's name on me?

76. OK, let's crack on, shall we?

77. Now it's time for some lovely remarks by the best friend.

78. What? I'm not the best friend.

79. Yes, you are.

80. I'm your best friend? Yeah, we're close.

81. I mean, I know you. I know which one you are.

82. Look, I'm leaving you all my stuff.

83. Yeah. I don't want it.

84. I mean, that's just... that's just our stuff anyway.

85. That's our plates... And my diary.

86. There's nothing in it. It's new. I just got it.

87. I could do the lovely remark.

88. I don't want you. I want my best friend.

89. I'm not your best friend. Hey, look, just speak from the heart.

90. He's a nice guy. He's... he's the smallest one.

91. Tell them about the tournament.

92. I don't know about a tournament.

93. I won a tournament, didn't I?

94. Did you? OK, great. Thank you.

95. Beautiful stuff. Very moving. Now...

96. That's really nice.

97. Hey. Wow, I didn't like that.

98. Now, before we say goodbye forever, there's one last thing.

99. If anyone knows any reason why this person should not be dead, say

100. now or he will forever be dead.

101. But, isn't he... Huh?

102. I think he'd...

103. Great, now to play us out, here are some of his best moments.

104. Goodbye.

105. Goodbye to you.

106. But he didn't... Farewell. do any of that.

107. And goodbye to you, David.

108. What happens now? Now, you go home.

109. Well, that was a lot of fun. See you later, floorboard person.

110. Not you, cheeky. You're dead. Now get back in here.

111. Oh, yes. Silly me.

112. Right, down we go.

113. Bye. Good luck with everything.

114. Cheerio then. Bye.

115. I guess it's just gonna be me and you now.

116. Huh?

117. I said it's just going to be me and you from here on.

118. Yeah.

119. Until the other guy comes back.

120. Yeah. Actually, I don't know if he is going to come back.

121. I think he just sort of stays in the hole. Huh?

122. I think he just stays in the hole now.

123. He stays in the hole now.

124. Yeah. There's a lot of pictures of him.

125. I don't remember this many pictures. He stays in the hole.

126. Oh, come on. It's not that bad. We didn't really like him anyway.

127. Remember how he used to bite you?

128. Yeah, quite like that. CLATTERING Huh?

129. Hey. How are you guys holding up?

130. Did someone break something?

131. You should really eat something at a time like this.

132. Have a sandwich.

133. Sandwiches. We don't want a sandwich.

134. You're very brave.

135. How about a tissue? No.

136. How about a sandwich wrapped in a tissue?

137. Who are they? We're just friends.

138. Friends of David. He wasn't called David.

139. So quiet here without David, isn't it?

140. Here. Come and sit with us.

141. We're all sharing stories about him.

142. You didn't even know him.

143. Who really did? So brave.

144. I think maybe it's best if you all go.

145. Yeah. Don't forget about your goody bag.

146. Sorry for your loss.

147. What's that?

148. Well, thanks for this, but you guys all need to...

149. What do you think happens when we die?

150. Do we ever come back? Well, I guess nobody really knows.

151. Some people think we go to a new place like a paradise

152. and some people think we even come back as our favourite

153. animal or object.

154. Wow. Object.

155. For me, well, something tells me that when we die, we go

156. into the centre of the earth. Well, it's not quite the centre.

157. It's in between the core and the surface.

158. And we must relive our lives.

159. But as a performance for a new super race known as the council.

160. And every time you get it right, you get a pound.

161. But? What?

162. I need to go to sleep now. Good night.

163. Hello, I am Mrs Grelch.

164. Nice to meet you. Hey, she seems fun.

165. Says she's a classic.

166. Look, I have a hat for weekends. Nice. And a cheeky sense of humour.

167. She comes with her own debt. Cheeky credit card debt. We're already in loads of debt.

168. What about this guy? He looks fun and he's got his own catchphrase.

169. Fudge. That can't be right.

170. I like fudge.

171. Oh, he's too opinionated.

172. All right, well, what about Lucky Mo?

173. He's on special offer. He's got no opinions and no reviews.

174. I'm up for anything. Let's have fun or not have fun.

175. Oh, no, no. I don't like him.

176. I don't like any of them.

177. Hey. I want the old one back.

178. Yeah, I guess you're right. There's no replacing this guy.

179. Maybe we just need to accept that when someone goes away, things change.

180. Blah!

181. Urgh, claymation. Hey, don't say that.

182. You'll hurt its feelings.

183. Sorry about him. He's just upset because the other guy went into a hole.

184. Hole. I am hole.

185. No. You're Happy Rex or Lucky Grouch or something?

186. Something. Something.

187. Eurgh, what's she doing? Just mucking around.

188. You've angered the demon.

189. Hold on. Give it a chance.

190. So now that you're one of the main guys around here, there's a few

191. ground rules you should be aware of. Ground.

192. Yeah, if you want to use the phone, you're gonna need to book that in.

193. We don't share food, but we do share a wallet.

194. Hang on. This thing. One of the guys?

195. Yeah, one of the main three guys around.

196. No, no, stop it! That's not him.

197. No, not that thing.

198. It's a blob. Hello.

199. Wow. What a beautiful service.

200. Very moving.

201. Great. So what happens now, then?

202. That's it now. It's just this.

203. Is it? OK, great.

204. So it looks like you're all set.

205. I'm going to shoot off. Got quite a lot of admin to do.

206. You'd be surprised how much paperwork there is.

207. What do I do then? Is he involved?

208. No, no. It's more sort of personal time now.

209. But if you need anything urgent, just press the buzzer.

210. OK, I'll leave you to it. Bye.

211. Oh.

212. Hey, how can I help?

213. Hello. Shall we play a game?

214. Shall we play snooker?

215. Or maybe beach volleyball.

216. I never tried that. Wow. Games?

217. Yeah. I'd love to play a game, but actually, I've got a lot to do,

218. so it's going to have to be a no.

219. And remember, the buzzer is only for when you really need.

220. OK. You don't need to press it when I'm here.

221. It still works. It works.

222. What if I need the toilet? You won't need the toilet.

223. I drank a milkshake during the service.

224. Well, you shouldn't really have done that.

225. Let's get to know each other. Ask me some questions.

226. Let's listen to some music.

227. Where did you get that? What is this?

228. I made it myself.

229. OK. On the computer.

230. Hooray, Hovris.

231. It turns out my mother has left me £40 in her will.

232. Wow. This is cause for celebration, my boy.

233. Let's heat up some water.

234. Yes. That's the TV.

235. Uh, this is the other light switch.

236. And this is where we keep the stain.

237. Wow. Hello, stain.

238. That's a funny word. Maybe I could be called stain.

239. No, that's not really a name.

240. Stain Edwards, the forever boy.

241. No, no, I'm not... I'm not comfortable with that.

242. OK. And I sit here, do I?

243. Hey. But that's his chair.

244. Comfy. Where else is he going to sit?

245. So what do we do?

246. We do whatever we want.

247. Well, we mainly go in here. Or sometimes we go in there.

248. Wow. Can we go outside? Right. And we see the world.

249. And we go on adventures. Do we?

250. Yeah. Us three on crazy adventures.

251. Who knows what might happen? There'll be ups and downs for sure.

252. Maybe we'll even fall in love. Fall in love, what's that?

253. We can take on anything life throws at us.

254. Look, guys, I'm getting my core values.

255. Honesty, the spirit of adventure.

256. Finance. Stop it.

257. Yeah. That's not really the kind of thing we do.

258. Oh, why not?

259. Should I do it again? No. Just sit here and stuff will happen.

260. Something normally happens.

261. Oh, what happened over there?

262. We don't talk about that area.

263. Yeah, don't... don't look at that.

264. Can't help it. Stop looking at it.

265. It's beautiful.

266. Why are you looking at it?

267. Kind of terrible and wonderful at the same time.

268. Stop saying stuff like that.

269. You're not supposed to say that kind of stuff.

270. You're supposed to say that the floor is too loud

271. or the window is disrespecting you.

272. Why would I say that when the world is so full of wonder?

273. No, it's not. It's all wrong without...

274. What's the matter with him?

275. Nothing. Just don't look at him.

276. What? Where can I look?

277. Can't look at him. Can't look over there.

278. Look, if you want to look at stuff, tell me and I'll make a list

279. of where you should and shouldn't look.

280. Seems like a weird system.

281. Yeah, well, you seem like a little thing with

282. and even the other guy at least had his own clothes.

283. You don't have clothes.

284. Yeah. I'm not supposed to have clothes.

285. This is how I look. OK.

286. Yes. What do you want?

287. Look, I've made some new friends.

288. It tickles. Great. Great. Yeah, that's all part of it.

289. I wonder what my old friends are doing.

290. They're probably just trying to move on.

291. Speaking of which, you should probably...

292. Move on? Move on to what?

293. Well, when somebody goes away, they tend to...

294. Ow, what are you doing?

295. Just keeping track of time.

296. We've only been here for half a day.

297. I'm doing it in seconds.

298. We've obviously been here for more than 5 seconds.

299. Have we? Oh. Stop. Stop it.

300. What's that? What's that smell?

301. Oh, yes. Turns out I did need the toilets, actually, quite a lot.

302. Maybe that's what the tally was for.

303. What? Oh, here I go again.

304. No, no. Right. That's it. I'm done.

305. I don't have to put up with this But I'm dead.

306. Yes and you're terrible at it. You're on your own now.

307. If you want to do something, just lie here and think

308. about your life, OK? All those memories.

309. Memories? Yes. My memories. Memories.

310. Far too weak.

311. Oh, that's gone off. Sorry.

312. And then I woke up and I read the newspaper.

313. Shut up. I was dead. Stop it. Stop it.

314. I can't do this any more.

315. Now, you hold the newspaper.

316. Do I? I'm not sure this is such a good idea.

317. I feel like you have some issues you need to work on.

318. Hold the newspaper. Says here I'm dead.

319. No, no. That's the old one. Right?

320. Yeah. It's a confusing situation.

321. Hmm.

322. Hello. Oh, hi.

323. I dug the old one back.

324. But what do you mean?

325. I thought you're supposed to stay in the ground.

326. Oh, that. That was all a bit nothing. Not really for me.

327. Now I want to sit in my area.

328. Who's this?

329. Well, we didn't think you were coming back, so.

330. So you replaced me with this thing.

331. But there's only supposed to be three of us.

332. Well, now there's four of us.

333. Actually, no, four doesn't work. There's three of us.