Doctor Who 3x35

1. Well, Katie, my girl,

2. five minutes should see the end of the man

3. the Clantons think is Doc Holiday.

4. And then I can start trading under another name.

5. What name would you fancy, Kate?

6. Kate?

7. "Gone back to the Last Chance Saloon."

8. Why must women meddle?

9. Look, fellas, please. Come on, please.

10. - I've sung this song four times already! - I said sing it again!

11. - Couldn't we try a different song? - Once more, then!

12. The same one.

13. Now, what's going on here?

14. Okay now, boys, put them guns away.

15. Now, Charlie, got yourself a new singer maybe?

16. Why, why no, Kate, it's just that these gentleman...

17. Now, Charlie, am I the singer here or ain't I?

18. Why, surely are, Kate.

19. Then get that guy away from my piano

20. before we need a new barkeep real sudden.

21. You heard what she said, I reckon you'd better...

22. Now go on, Dodo. Get upstairs and lock your door.

23. Oh, but I was enjoying playing.

24. Don't argue, kid. Vamoose.

25. Oh, well, if that's the way you feel. Are you coming, Steven?

26. - Yeah. - Uh-uh.

27. Now, hold on. Stay right there, mister.

28. This time, you play piano.

29. - Me? But... - Yeah.

30. Let's take it from the top again, double tempo.

31. - Well, thank you and goodnight! - Dodo!

32. Oh, it's quite all right, Steven. Don't mind me.

33. Just have a good time with your new friend!

34. Well, now, perhaps we can get a little action around here.

35. - Yeah. - Okay, mister,

36. - make with the piano. - Make with the piano.

37. Yee-ha, yahoo! Whoo-hoo!

38. Not bad.

39. Well played, Steven, my boy. Well played.

40. Yes, and you too, my dear. Excellent.

41. I'd really no idea.

42. Oh, thank you, Doctor. Neither had I.

43. Well, if it ain't the great Doc.

44. Oh, you flatter me, young man.

45. Yes, reasonably accomplished I would say, but uh, not great.

46. You can say that again.

47. Oh, really? Why? Oh, yes, of course.

48. We met a little while ago down at the dentist, didn't we?

49. Yes, and you so very kindly

50. invited me to join you and your friends for a drink.

51. - And a little talk, Doc. - Yes, quite so, quite so.

52. Well, I'm afraid I don't touch alcohol,

53. but a little glass of milk and I should be only too delighted.

54. Erm, won't you, uh, introduce me?

55. Yeah, yeah, give me pleasure.

56. Doc, I would like you to meet the Clanton brothers.

57. The Clanton brothers. Oh, dear. I mean, eh, how do you do? Mmm?

58. Recognise the name, Doc?

59. Oh, yes, I do. Indeed, yes.

60. Steven, don't you think it's time we were going, hmm?

61. Not just yet, Doc. We haven't had our little talk about brother Reuben.

62. The late brother Reuben.

63. Oh, yes, I know.

64. Yes, sometimes after a bereavement,

65. it's very difficult to find exactly the right kind of words.

66. The right words?

67. You see, Doc, the boys don't want... They don't want words.

68. - They want action. - Oh, indeed. Yes, yes, yes.

69. Well, if you take my advice,

70. I would leave it in the hands of the right people.

71. And the right people happen be your friend Wyatt Earp?

72. Uh, he's not my friend, no.

73. I would rather call him a casual travelling acquaintance.

74. Well, that ain't the way I heard it.

75. - Nor me. - Nor me.

76. We heard that you and him were closer than fleas on a porcupine.

77. Wyatt Earp and Doc Holiday.

78. The bottle-puncher lawman and a good-for-nothing drunken gambler.

79. Steady, boy. Let Seth handle this.

80. Wait a moment. I think I can begin to see your mistake.

81. It's your mistake that we're interested in, Doc.

82. But I am not the Doc.

83. The man you're looking for is the local dentist.

84. Yes! He has a little shop here, along the street.

85. It seems to me that's where I found you.

86. Yes, well, I can explain that. You see...

87. And your gun's got his brand on it.

88. Uh, well, yes, as a matter of fact, he lent it to me because, because...

89. Because what, Doc?

90. Uh, well, just until I leave the town, as it were.

91. You ain't leavin', Doc.

92. Alive, that is.

93. Excuse me. Gentlemen, gentlemen, they must have made a horrible mistake.

94. Steven, my boy...

95. One word out of your friend Regret here, and he gets his.

96. Aw, for Pete's sake, Doc, tell 'em you're Holiday.

97. You can take on all four of 'em any time.

98. Yes, I'm sorry, gentleman, but this is Holiday's young girlfriend,

99. and she's only lying to protect him.

100. Now, as I've already told you about this gun...

101. Okay, don't try it, fellas.

102. Nice shooting, Doc,

103. but ya should have got him between the eyes.

104. - Between the who? - The eyes.

105. Oh, my dear young lady, I, I...

106. Kill the next one that moves.

107. Yes, yes, quite so, quite so. Very good idea. Excellent.

108. Well, you heard. Steven, get their guns!

109. - I thought I heard a shot. - Quiet!

110. Now, you just get right back to your room, missy.

111. - How do we proceed? - Line 'em up against the piano.

112. Yes, excellent idea.

113. Well, gentlemen, you will move over in an orderly fashion. You, too.

114. - Hey!

115. - You won't get away with this, Holiday! - I keep telling you, I'm not Holiday.

116. Well, what do we do now?

117. Well, Doc, I reckon that's up to you now.

118. You should have killed me while you had the chance, Doc,

119. because you're gonna pay for this.

120. Indeed, indeed. And may I point out that I still have the chance, sir?

121. Well, I don't have no gun.

122. Exactly! That's the whole point, isn't it?

123. Am I hearin' right?

124. If you ain't the lowest, meanest sidewinder...

125. Well, Howdy, sinners!

126. Holding a prayer meeting? Why, I'd be proud to join you.

127. My dear Marshal, I'm so glad to see you.

128. You know, I was trying to explain to them...

129. Looks like you was explaining. Hand over your gun.

130. Wyatt and I handle that kind of explaining around here.

131. Just easy down, everybody. You too, Kate.

132. - Now, who did what? - (ALL) Holiday started it!

133. We was just having ourselves a friendly discussion.

134. Before we could say a word he had us lined up here like a row...

135. Yeah, he shot us all down in c-c-cold blood.

136. Don't you listen to 'em, Marshal. I saw the whole thing,

137. - and it was these guys... - Oh sure, sure, boy.

138. Sure, it must of been quite a sight.

139. Now, Doc...

140. Now, wait a minute, Wyatt, this guy ain't...

141. - Have you gone mad? Doc Holiday's... - Oh, be quiet, Bat.

142. I reckon I can figure clear enough what must have happened.

143. I'm sorry, friend, I'm gonna have to take you in.

144. You're under arrest, Pop.

145. Under arrest? And don't you call me Pop.

146. You know very well who I am, sir!

147. Oh, I surely do, old friend.

148. - I want to see my solicitor. - A what? Huh.

149. A night in the jail house is just about what you need.

150. Oh, very well. But I promise you, you will regret this, sir.

151. AL I hope is you know what you're doin', Wyatt.

152. Oh, I reckon I do. Well, goodnight, sinners.

153. I'm sorry your stay in our fair law-abidin' city

154. has been so, uh, rudely disturbed.

155. Well, if that don't beat all.

156. That figures. He couldn't take us in

157. until he'd got the Doc out of trouble like always.

158. Yeah.

159. Hey, what about him?

160. Yeah, what about him?

161. How long are you proposing to keep me here?

162. Hardly no time at all, ma'am. Just relax.

163. Oh, Kate.

164. So that's where you're hidin', Doc Holiday.

165. Doc Holiday?

166. - What's she doin' here? - Ah, she saw me fire the gun.

167. Yeah, I guessed that was you. That's why I come a-lookin'.

168. You should've killed the little rat.

169. That thought did occur to me,

170. but I reckoned that in the ensuing fracas

171. you might get hurt as well as the old guy.

172. Sure. Real soft-hearted, ain't ya?

173. Look, which old guy are you talking about?

174. Oh, a real nice old guy, lady. He came in to get a tooth fixed.

175. That must have been the Doctor. What happened to him?

176. - Wyatt Earp's arrested him. - Arrested?

177. Now, why would Wyatt do a thing like that?

178. Because Wyatt let them go on thinkin'

179. - the old guy was you, that's why. - Oh.

180. I must go to the Doctor. You've got to let me out of here!

181. If he's in the hands of Wyatt Earp, he could not be safer.

182. Now then, ladies,

183. why don't all let's settle down to a nice game of chance? Huh?

184. Now, how come you got a hold of Holiday's gun?

185. I have already told you, my dear Sheriff. He lent it to me.

186. And why would Holiday do a fool thing like that?

187. Because he knew the Clantons was a-laying for him.

188. - Yes, a most unscrupulous man. - Yeah, I think I'll go find him.

189. Ah, but I insist on coming with you.

190. Now, you'll stay right where you are.

191. Why, you've got four of the meanest characters in the territory

192. believing you're Doc Holiday.

193. You take one step outside of this jail, friend, and you're a dead man.

194. Now, I don't care what Wyatt Earp said.

195. That man's not Doc Holiday.

196. Well, he sure enough shoots like Doc Holiday.

197. He never fired that shot. They've got no right to arrest him.

198. He's done nothing wrong.

199. You planning to get him out of jail?

200. What's so funny about that? I gotta get him out.

201. All you gotta do is gun down Earp and Bat Masterson.

202. You all set to try that?

203. No, of course not, but

204. well, I know if I can get him out of jail,

205. I can prove who he really is.

206. Now, wouldn't that be somethin'?

207. Boys, what do you say we give Mr Regret here a hand?

208. Yeah!

209. Okay, Doc, so you cleaned me out again.

210. I'm thirsty. Kate, take a look down in the bar.

211. - See if we've still got company. - Now, Doc.

212. Take a look, I say!

213. I'm sorry to speak sharp, missy,

214. but I'm gettin' to feel almost as caged up here as you are.

215. They're still there, still drinkin'.

216. Oh, well, I think maybe I'll take a little walk.

217. Oh, now, Doc, you promised there'd be no more trouble.

218. Now, you wouldn't want me to die of thirst, would you?

219. Oh, well, now, if that's all that's troublin' you.

220. You left a bottle back in your office.

221. Why don't you just crawl back there and get it?

222. Now, that's all a man needs. A real gentle, understandin' woman.

223. I'll be back just as soon as you've finished

224. breaking up my character.

225. Ain't it wonderful, honey,

226. what a man will do for what he truly believes in?

227. Now, where in thunder did I leave that bottle?

228. Right behind you, Doc.

229. Well, that ain't friendly, Wyatt. That ain't friendly at all.

230. Maybe not.

231. Can't say as how I feel particular well-disposed towards you right now.

232. You're gettin' clumsy.

233. Go on.

234. Do you mind if I turn this lamp up a little?

235. Make sure you haven't got a whole posse with you?

236. Well, now, what do you want?

237. Only thing I want from you, Doc, is to get out of town.

238. Now, where did I put that whiskey?

239. Why the hell should I get out of town?

240. I ain't done nothing agin the law.

241. Not yet, you ain't.

242. But when the Clantons finally wise up, why, there's gonna be shootin', Doc.

243. And I can't keep that old guy locked up in jail forever, you know.

244. Uh, that's my dentist's chair. That's dangerous, Wyatt.

245. How long can you keep him then?

246. Well, I'll release him as soon as I've told 'em the truth about you.

247. Tomorrow morning.

248. Now, you can ride out tonight and get yourself a head start.

249. But I only just hit town. I only just set up this business.

250. Well, it'll be here when you get back. I mean, don't worry.

251. This is just till this thing blows over.

252. Would you mind tellin' me what this is all about?

253. Yeah. Old Pa Clanton and his boys are

254. running the biggest rustling operation this territory's ever seen.

255. Pretty soon they'll be takin' over the whole of Tombstone

256. unless something's done to stop 'em.

257. Well, why don't you stop 'em, then?

258. Well, Bat and me can't handle it alone.

259. We'll stop 'em soon as my brothers get here.

260. Oh, it looks like you could use an extra hand.

261. Well, later maybe.

262. But in the meantime, Doc, just ride out.

263. Wyatt, have you been drinking my whiskey?

264. Ride out, Doc.

265. Else you'll be gunnin' for me, come sun-up.

266. So this is the way we'll play it, Regret.

267. You take this gun over to the jail house

268. and slip it through the cell window to Holiday.

269. And he says, "Open the door or I'll shoot."

270. Uh-huh. And where do you guys come in?

271. Well, we wait outside the jail house in case anything goes wrong.

272. Yeah.

273. And so's that we can prevent a mis

274. carriage of justice.

275. - To welcome him back to society. - Oh. Not to gun him down?

276. - Why would we do a thing like that?

277. You say he ain't Holiday. Okay, he's got nothin' to fear.

278. What do you say?

279. It sounds like a pretty foolproof idea.

280. Well, it sure is, because you know, come mornin',

281. - they're gonna ship him out of there. - Yeah, up to the County jail.

282. And what happens after I give him this?

283. You c-come back here, and then we take over.

284. - We take over. - Yeah.

285. Yeah, I got the picture. Okay, I'll see you in 20 minutes.

286. Okay, right.

287. - There's one born every minute!

288. Hold it, boys. I don't think he believed us.

289. Phin, you follow him and make certain

290. him and his friend Holiday don't run away.

291. Okay.

292. - And Billy, you get the rope. - Yeah.

293. You really going to marry him?

294. Surely am.

295. Though over how many dead bodies I don't rightly know.

296. But he's an outlaw.

297. Oh, honey, I've known them all in my time.

298. Jesse James, Billy the Kid, Johnny Ringo.

299. And I'm tellin' you, the Doc's the best of the bunch.

300. He's a real gentleman. Just been a mite unlucky, is all.

301. In what way?

302. Oh, was on the run, least ways till he met up with Wyatt Earp.

303. Since then he's usually managed to keep right side of the law.

304. That's why for the first time I guess he's gonna settle down.

305. Kate, seems you and I have to leave town before mornin'.

306. - So go get packed. - Oh, but Doc, why?

307. Wyatt Earp is gunnin' for me,

308. and you know that in my whole life I never killed a friend.

309. - Oh, you're a real gentleman. - Go get packed.

310. Didn't I tell you, honey?

311. Doctor! - Hmm?

312. Doctor!

313. Oh, Steven, my boy.

314. Good gracious. I've been so worried about you.

315. - How's Dodo? - She's fine.

316. She's locked in her hotel room quite safe.

317. - Look, I've brought you this. - What on earth for?

318. Use it to bluff your way out.

319. The Clanton gang still think that you're Doc Holiday.

320. I'll be waiting for you outside. We must get back to the TARDIS.

321. Yes, but my dear boy...

322. Look, there's not time to argue, Doctor. We've only got 10 minutes.

323. Now, good luck.

324. But, Steven! Oh, confound the boy.

325. Ten minutes.

326. Hmm. Ten minutes.

327. Mr Werp? Oh, uh, Mr Werp. I say, can you do that?

328. Nope. And I wouldn't try it if I were you.

329. I have no intention of trying anything, only people keep giving me guns,

330. and I do wish they wouldn't.

331. I wonder, would you mind looking after it for me, hmm?

332. My pleasure. And, uh, who gave it to you?

333. Oh, that young friend of mine, you know, um, Steven.

334. A rather impetuous sort of lad.

335. He said to meet him outside in 10 minutes' time.

336. Oh, did he? Well, I must go and have a word with him.

337. Oh, yes, I wish you would.

338. And would you kindly explain to him

339. that I'm quite happy where I am for the moment? Hmm?

340. And I say Holiday's the meanest man

341. that's ever polluted the fair name of the west!

342. Yeah! - And while he's around,

343. there's gonna be nothing but trouble and bloodshed!

344. Yeah!

345. And the law, the law says maybe he'll do a spell in jail.

346. Well, are we going to let Wyatt Earp get away with that?

347. No!

348. Then I say let's go over to the jail house,

349. get him out and string him up from the nearest tree!

350. Yeah!

351. Did he do what we said, Phin?

352. Yeah. Mr Regret didn't seem too keen on seein' us again.

353. Caught him goin' away from the saloon.

354. That was mighty unwise of you, mister. Okay, boys, rope him!

355. Come on, now, what's the idea?

356. Our idea is, friend, that if Holiday don't bust out of jail,

357. we got us a hostage.

358. He's gotta get out to stop you swingin' in his place.

359. Come on. Let's go!

360. A-hat.

361. - Okay, Doc, I'm ready. Let's get going. - What about me?

362. Don't you worry, honey,

363. I'll be returning you to your friends in the jail house before we leave.

364. - Hey, Doc, take a look out here.

365. What?

366. They've got Steven!

367. - They got my operatin' chair! Wait here! - Hey, Doc, come back here!

368. Doc, you can't do nothin' now. Doc!

369. Just hold on there, friend.

370. - Hey, are you Doc Holiday? - That is my name.

371. Now you've done it.

372. And aim to continue.

373. If you're Doc Holiday, I wouldn't go out there.

374. The whole town's out to lynch you.

375. Yeah, I reckon he's right. Uh, we'd better get out of town.

376. You saddle a couple of horses, Kate. No, make it three.

377. Three?

378. - You'll have to come with us, missy. - But what about my friends?

379. They're safe with Wyatt.

380. I can't take on the whole town on my own.

381. But you promised to take me back to them.

382. Our only hope is to get out of here alive.

383. Now, will you get on?

384. Ow!

385. Better come over here, Wyatt.

386. - When was you gonna break out of jail? - About now, Marshal.

387. Well, lookie here, friend.

388. Somebody's fixin' up a reception for ya.

389. What?

390. Good gracious! And Steven's with them!

391. String him up!

392. Holiday, you still in there?

393. Get out of the street, Clanton. Holiday's my prisoner.

394. Well, that's too bad,

395. 'cause if he's ain't out of there in two minutes,

396. his friend Regret here is gonna swing in his place.

397. Yeah!