Doctor Who 3x34

Directed by Rex Tucker

Jackie Lane as Dodo Chaplet • Peter Purves as Steven Taylor • John Alderson as Wyatt Earp • Maurice Good as Phineas Clanton • David Cole as Billy Clanton

The TARDIS arrives in Tombstone, Arizona in 1891. Where the Doctor is looking for a dentist when he has a toothache, where The Doctor finds the local dentist is the famous Doc Holliday who is in a feud with The Clanton Brothers and their hired gunfighter Johnny Ringo, whilst local sheriff Wyatt Earp is trying to keep the peace. The Doctor, Steven and Dodo find themselves joining forces with The Clanton Brothers and Sheriff Wyatt Earp.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. ♪ So fill up your glasses

2. Now, why for did you do a fool thing like that?

3. - Save your bullets for Holiday, boy. - I ain't scared of Holiday!

4. Hear that, Ike? Brother Billy ain't scared.

5. Nobody says you was scared, boy.

6. Our brother Reuben, now he wasn't scared of him,

7. but that didn't stop Holiday fillin' him full of holes!

8. - Where do we all meet up with Seth? - The Last Chance Saloon.

9. What for do we need Seth Harper?

10. Pa's paying him, and Pa wants us to work along with him.

11. Come on!

12. ♪ On your way, then, you cowboys

13. What's the matter, Doctor?

14. Oh, I've got the most ghastly toothache. It's paralysing pain.

15. It serves you right for eating that sweet.

16. Aren't there any painkillers on the TARDIS?

17. If there's anything I can get you...

18. No, my dear, thank you, no. I shall have to have it out.

19. - We've got to find a dentist. - Where are we?

20. It must be in the past sometime.

21. Yes, you're very observant, dear boy, but where, hmm?

22. - How would I know? - I know!

23. - Where? - Well, use your eyes, dear boy.

24. Good heavens.

25. "Tombstone! The O.K..."

26. - Well, that sounds like... - The Wild West!

27. - It can't be, can it? - Why not?

28. Fat chance I've got of finding a dentist in the middle West.

29. Oh, please, must you?

30. Look, I've always wanted to be a cowboy, see what it was like in the wild West.

31. Hey, they had cowgirls, too, didn't they?

32. - Yes, yes, yes.

33. What about my tooth, hmm?

34. ♪ It's your last chance of cussing

35. You took your sweet time gettin' here, Clanton.

36. Doc Holiday arrived here before noon!

37. Rode out as soon as ever I got your wire.

38. Anyways, Holiday'll keep for a drink or three, I'd say.

39. Sure enough will.

40. Barman! The bottle and three more glasses. Fast!

41. - You boys know this guy? - Yeah, Snake-Eyes Harper.

42. I don't like being called Snake-Eyes.

43. Last fellow called me that got himself an extra hole in the head.

44. Sure, Seth, sure. We're friends, ain't we?

45. - Ain't we in this together? - Well, I'm in it.

46. You're together on the outside, just lookin' in.

47. Now, that ain't so. We're backing you. You make your play and we gun 'im down.

48. - Easy as skinnin' summer frogs.

49. Yes, that's it.

50. How do we look?

51. Oh, good gracious. Absolutely absurd!

52. Why you've got to dress yourself up like Tom Mix, I can't imagine.

53. You're asking for trouble.

54. Why can't you wear inconspicuous clothes like I do?

55. Oh, what about me? Don't you like it?

56. Oh, that hat is certainly wrong with it.

57. Oh, it's not supposed to be. That's for you.

58. For me, my dear child?

59. Oh, that's very thoughtful of you, thank you.

60. Yes, at least it'll keep the rain off. Yes, it's most suitable... Oh!

61. - Buffalo Bill to the lions.

62. What was that? - Nothin', pardner!

63. I was just a-practising mah quick-draw!

64. Oh, do be careful, dear boy.

65. And remember, that belongs to my favourite collection!

66. Now see here, stranger. I reckon you don't know who I is!

67. Dead-eye Steve, the fastest, meanest gun in the West.

68. - I think you're smashing!

69. Oh, what on earth are you...

70. And who might you be, sir? Hmm?

71. You wanna find out, try movin' fast. Now, get over.

72. I don't know who you are and what right you have...

73. Marshal of Tombstone's my right and Wyatt Earp's my name.

74. - Wyatt Earp! Oh, something wrong, ma'am?

75. Oh, no, it's just that,

76. well, I always wanted to meet you and here we are, face to face.

77. Well, the Lord sure do move in mysterious ways, ma'am.

78. Now maybe you'll all come along to Sheriff's office?

79. What on earth for?

80. So as you can identify yourselves in decent, law-abiding manner.

81. Ah! No, you see, I'm... I'm not really a gunman. I was just...

82. You did kind of make that look obvious, didn't you, boy?

83. That's why I'm doin' you a favour taking you on in.

84. Why? - Account of the Clantons are in town

85. and boy, that's mighty unhealthy for a stranger

86. that calls himself the fastest gun in town.

87. Now, pick up your pea shooter and let's get movin'.

88. ♪ Till there's blood upon the sawdust

89. It just ain't possible. Agin the four of us?

90. He won't know what hit him. Hey, Billy? Billy!

91. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be a real shame, I'd like for him to know.

92. I'd like him to know us for Reuben's brothers.

93. Look, you don't know Holiday. You want him to come lookin' for us,

94. and you ain't even seen him? You're crazy.

95. - Where's he at now? - How should I know where he's at?

96. I just know he pulled in here this mornin'.

97. Let's get this straight.

98. You mean, you don't know where Holiday...

99. You never met Holiday, either?

100. Look, I don't have to meet him, I've seen pictures.

101. I've had him described to me.

102. Dapper little fellow with a black buck's back coat, gambler's fancy vest.

103. So fine, so we'll know him when we find him.

104. So, how do we find him?

105. We don't have to find him.

106. Ain't you heard of Holiday's gamblin' and drinkin'?

107. Now where's the one place in town he's liable to get both?

108. Right here. - Yeah.

109. So we just sit here and we wait for him and that's all we gotta do.

110. - Hey, Charlie. I'll be right back. - Why? You goin'?

111. I just thought me of an errand I forgot.

112. You'd better be right back, if you aim to keep on workin' here.

113. Why, of course, Charlie.

114. ♪ With rings on their fingers and bells on their toes

115. Now, you move that real easy, real easy. That's my operatin' chair.

116. You treat her like she was your one-day bride.

117. Why, Miss Kate, how are you?

118. - Doc Holiday, I gotta talk to you. - Hmm?

119. I thought you told me you'd given up gun play like you promised.

120. Why, so I have, Kate, and so I be going to.

121. I got myself a dentist's shop, regular and permanent,

122. here on Main Street and I am movin' in.

123. Well, you'd better just move right out again,

124. because four men are waitin' for you at the Last Chance this very moment.

125. Yeah?

126. I'm plum worn out worrying about you, Doc.

127. All I want to do is live peaceful.

128. Hey, so do I, Kate. Who are these men, anyway?

129. - Well, there's a guy called Seth Harper. - Yeah.

130. Then there's three brothers, name of Clanton.

131. Clanton? You kill a guy out of sheer professional ethics,

132. and then you've got three of his brothers

133. chasin' after you to lab our the point. That makes me real angry!

134. You're through being angry, Doc. All you're gonna do is get out of town.

135. Oh, that don't appeal, Kate. That don't come at all natural.

136. But Dog, it ain't safe for you here in Tombstone.

137. The day I can't walk down Main Street of any city in the West

138. on account it ain't safe, then I'll be dead.

139. - Doc! Doc Holiday! - I'll be dead.

140. Kate Fisher, are you gonna be my lady wife?

141. Of course I am, Doc.

142. Holiday!

143. Why, good afternoon, Mr Masterson. Good afternoon, Sheriff.

144. I reckon you must be coming to meet the stagecoach...

145. Never mind what I'm doing, Holiday.

146. Just you stay out of trouble, that's all.

147. I won't be givin' you no second warnin'.

148. Why, it's like I was ea yin' to you, Sheriff.

149. I aim to be a respectable citizen now, and you know I always run a clean game.

150. Here on in, you ain't runnin' no game at all.

151. Stay out of saloons, Holiday, and stay away from the poker table.

152. Then I bid you good afternoon, Sheriff, and I hope I shall have the pleasure

153. of attending you shortly in my dental saloon.

154. Are you accompanying me, Miss Kathleen?

155. - So, you finally got back. - Howdy, Bat. everythin' quiet in town?

156. Everything exceptin' that rattlesnake friend of yours Holiday,

157. blew in this mornin'. Who're your friends, Wyatt?

158. - Well, I... - Oh, quite, quite so.

159. Allow me, sir, to introduce Miss Dodo Dupont,

160. wizard of the ivory keys, and, uh, Steven Regret, tenor.

161. And lastly, sir, your humble servant, Doctor Caligari.

162. - Doctor who? - Yes, quite right.

163. I've just been satisfying the sheriff here

164. that we are a humble troupe of travelling players.

165. Unfortunately, sir, at the moment, in between engagements.

166. If I was you, I'd keep a-travellin'. There ain't no theatre in Tombstone.

167. Oh, is that so? Oh, well, that's no matter, no.

168. You see, my prime purpose for visiting your city, sir,

169. was to avail myself the services of a dentist.

170. - A dentist? - Yes.

171. Well, then, Doc Holiday's your man. Where is the doc, Bat?

172. Opened his self a surgery right along the street.

173. Walk that away, friend. You can't miss it.

174. Oh, I'm vastly obliged to you, Sheriff.

175. Come, fellow thespians!

176. No doubt I shall be very glad to see you,

177. meet you later on, Mr... Mr Werp.

178. Well, Bat, with the Clantons and Holiday in town,

179. you and me's headed for a load of trouble, boy.

180. I reckon so.

181. ♪ On your way, then, you lawmen

182. Look, I don't know why you wanted to say it in the first place.

183. Steven Regret? What kind of a name's that for a singer anyway?

184. Oh, my dear young man, can't you sing a little?

185. Well, yes, a little, but why say it at all?

186. I had to find some sort of suitable cover.

187. After all, you can't walk into the middle of a Western town

188. and say you've come from outer space.

189. Good gracious me, we'd all be arrested on a vagrancy charge.

190. And what about our little wizard of the keys?

191. - Miss Dupont, can you play? - I'll have a bash.

192. There will be no necessity to have a bash,

193. because tomorrow morning we're going to leave Tombstone

194. and we shall be back in the TARDIS for lunch.

195. You know, I don't think that that is a very subtle form of advertising, do you?

196. Yes, come to think of it, my dear, you know, I think my toothache's better.

197. Yes, I don't think it's going to be at all necessary.

198. Come on, Doctor. Straight into the surgery.

199. I'll go to the hotel and book the rooms.

200. Please, Doctor. You'll feel so much better afterwards.

201. Oh, I only wish I shared your confidence, my dear.

202. However, I suppose I'll meet you both back in the hotel lounge.

203. Oh! There it goes again.

204. The hotel lounge? Where does he think we are?

205. - What's so funny?

206. I was just thinking, I hope he's not expecting an injection!

207. I gotta get me that...

208. I... Forgive me, sir. I should have knocked.

209. What's your business?

210. Well, the fact is, I have a toothache.

211. - Well, glory be! - What do you know?

212. You know you're our very first customer?

213. Yeah! - Oh, I see.

214. Well, under the circumstances, I think perhaps... Yes, excuse me.

215. Now, now, now, now, now, stranger.

216. - Just you sit right down in that chair. - Right along here, honey.

217. Well, as a matter of fact, my dear sir...

218. Yeah, and as a matter of fact, it don't do to delay dental treatment.

219. Down you go. That's the philosophy of toothache.

220. - Now, you go in the back room, Kate. - Oh, can't I watch?

221. Now, you know you can't stand the sight of blood.

222. - Oh, okay. But I'll be thinkin' of ya.

223. She's kind of a sensitive girl.

224. Well, now, what seems to be your trouble, sir?

225. I think it's at the back here somewhere.

226. Let me look. Oh, yeah, I see.

227. Well, now, if you'll just hold real still, I'll...

228. Oh, just a minute, please.

229. - Haven't you any an aesthetic? - What?

230. Something to sort of dull the pain, man.

231. I could give you a rap on the cranium with this six-shooter.

232. Good gracious, certainly not!

233. Well, you're welcome to a slug of rattlesnake oil.

234. - Oh, my dear man, I never touch alcohol. - Well, I do.

235. Well, I must say, this is most unprofessional.

236. I do hope you know what you're doing.

237. I never tolerated any complaints yet in my whole life.

238. - Now then, you just open wide.

239. ♪ It's your last chance of boozing

240. Sorry it's kind of quiet in here tonight, gentlemen.

241. We do reckon to have a singer,

242. only she's just stepped out a while down the...

243. Maybe it's too quiet for you, barman? Like us to liven it up a little for you?

244. - How about a little fancy shootin', huh? - No, I don't want any trouble.

245. No trouble at all, friend.

246. You gone clean out of your mind, boy? That ain't no way to behave. Sit down.

247. Oh, we got company.

248. Well, lookie here! If it isn't Calamity Jane and Sam Bass.

249. what'll it be, stranger?

250. Oh, nothing to drink, thanks. We just want to book three rooms.

251. Three? For the two of you?

252. Oh, no, we got a friend joining us later.

253. Oh, well, I'll have to ask you to sign the book here.

254. Sure. All right. - Just your names and occupation.

255. Say, are you really a piano player, lady?

256. - You're darn tootin' I am. - And a singer, too. Well, I'll be...

257. - Why, what's the matter? - Nothin' in the wide world, friend.

258. I might just be able to offer you a job, is all.

259. I got no pianist on account he was shot last week,

260. and I do have a singer, but she's always out some place.

261. - Understand? - I think so.

262. Yeah, well, it's very kind of you, but we gotta leave town in the morning.

263. Oh, well, let me know if you change your mind.

264. - First floor, three, six and seven. - Why, thanks. Come on, Dodo.

265. - Ah, but, Steven... - It's no good, Dodo.

266. The Doctor would never forgive me if anything happened to you.

267. - You all hear what I heard? - Oh, well. Hey, what about his key?

268. Oh, that's a point, yes. Leave it downstairs for him, okay?

269. Give this to our friend the Doctor with my compliments.

270. Sure, ma'am.

271. So Holiday ain't travelling alone this time.

272. - Give me that book. - Now see here!

273. Steven Regret.

274. Now, any of you boys ever see a singer carry six guns afore?

275. So Holiday has got his self a partner!

276. Harper, are you sure Holiday don't know we're lookin' for him?

277. How could he? I ain't spread it about.

278. I don't know, but when he comes to collect his key,

279. I sure have me an itchy feelin' in ma back,

280. thinkin' of his friend Regret comin' down those stairs behind me.

281. - Phin, go up and fetch him down. - What'll I say?

282. - Anything, only keep it friendly. - You're the boss.

283. And Harper, you take a walk down Main Street

284. and see if you can find Holiday.

285. I'm gettin' tired of just sittin' here waitin'.

286. My, my, what a fine piece of ivory.

287. You know, I think I'll give that to Kate for a souvenir.

288. I don't care what you do with it, my good man,

289. only get it out of my sight.

290. - Yeah. - What do I owe you?

291. Oh, you don't owe me nothing, mister.

292. You're my first customer. You have this one on the house.

293. Kate, you look here at this molar.

294. Oh! Good thing I didn't have to have my tonsils out.

295. ♪ When there's blood upon the sawdust

296. - Doc! - What? Yes, yes, what is it?

297. - Holiday! - Holiday?

298. Yes, I suppose so. Yes, you could call it that.

299. My name's Harper, Seth Harper.

300. Oh, well, I'm very glad to know you, Mr Harper.

301. Yes, I suppose you've brought a message from my friends.

302. Well, it's kind of a message, Doc.

303. The boys are waitin' for you at the saloon.

304. They'd sure like to buy you a drink.

305. Oh, well, that's very sociable of them, but unfortunately I don't touch alcohol.

306. That's not what I heard, Doc, but we'll play it your way.

307. Look, we'll give you five minutes,

308. and if you ain't there we'll come looking for you, okay?

309. - Now, Doc...

310. That's a very charming man, that man, Mr Harper.

311. Did you hear what he said?

312. Yeah, that's just Western hospitality, you know.

313. But if you'll forgive my saying so, you ain't dressed right for a party.

314. Oh, my dear man, I fail to see that my clothes have...

315. Ah, now, it ain't exactly your clothes.

316. - Well, what is it then, hmm? - You ain't wearin' a gun.

317. Well, I should hope not. I certainly disapprove of violence.

318. - Now, you can borrow mine. - No, no, no, no, no.

319. Now, come along. Now, you just stand up here.

320. You put the holster on him.

321. - I insist... - Now, my gun here

322. has my name printed on it, from way down Alabama,

323. where my father was a colonel in the army.

324. So you can return that to me when you leave Tombstone,

325. which no doubt you will. Now, there you are, sir.

326. You put that in the holster.

327. - Fetch the gentleman's hat, Kate. - Here we are.

328. - There now, ain't he smart, gun and all? - Looks real cute.

329. Best get along to your party.

330. Thank you very much, thank you. I don't know how I shall ever repay you.

331. You'll find a way to repay me.

332. - Goodbye and good luck. - What?

333. - Goodbye and good luck. - Oh, yes, indeed, yes. Thank you.

334. And the same to you and many of them. Yes, thank you. Goodbye for the moment.

335. It sure seems a pity he bothered to have that tooth out.

336. Okay, Clanton, I found Holiday.

337. - He'll be here in about five minutes. - Great.

338. Now, then, Mr Regret,

339. you and the little lady step right down to the piano and give us a song.

340. Ah, yeah, well, the thing is,

341. we're kind of a little bit out of practice, you know. It's...

342. So here's your chance to warm up a little.

343. Hey, couldn't we rehearse on our own first?

344. - Yeah. - How about that? They wanna be alone.

345. You'll sing here, now and fast.

346. - Well, why? - On account of we're all music lovers.

347. ♪ When there's blood upon the sawdust

348. You don't need guns to sing, Mr Regret. I'll hold 'em for you.

349. - Hey, now come on, what do you... - Shut up and sing, friend.

350. You wait till I see the Doctor. He got us into this.

351. - What's the trouble? - Nothin', we just choosin' a song.

352. - Here's one. - Let's hope the piano knows it.

353. The Ballad of the Last Chance Saloon.

354. - Play, maestro! - Hold it. Boys, watch the door.

355. And when Holiday comes through there, blast him.

356. Okay.