1. Something's gone wrong.Copy !req
2. What's the matter, my dear, hmm?Copy !req
3. It's stopped going up and down.Copy !req
4. That's alright. It means we've landed.Copy !req
5. Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear!Copy !req
6. Yes, that scanner's not working.Copy !req
7. - Can you mend it?
- Yes, can repair it, of courseCopy !req
8. - but it means checking the whole circuit.
- Right, let's get started.Copy !req
9. - Don't you dare touch anything!
- Why not?Copy !req
10. Well, just look at those dials,
my dear boy.Copy !req
11. - Sara?
- Look at those dials?Copy !req
12. Now, you know what that means?Copy !req
13. If either of you went outside,
it would be extremely dangerous.Copy !req
14. The whole atmosphere is poisonous!Copy !req
15. What in the name of...?Copy !req
16. Who put that there?Copy !req
17. "When a poor man came in
sight, gathering winter fuel!"Copy !req
18. Here, I reckon we'd charm
the birds of the trees!Copy !req
19. I'd settle for some
from the coffee bars.Copy !req
20. Here, what about
'While Shepherds Watch'?Copy !req
21. - Do you think they'd appreciate that?
- Hey, no, here's the Sergeant. Come on.Copy !req
22. Hello, Sergeant, what
you doing out here?Copy !req
23. Here, come and have a look at this.Copy !req
24. - Well! Where did that come from?
- You tell me.Copy !req
25. Oh, perhaps somebody sent it to
the Inspector as a Christmas box!Copy !req
26. And perhaps you'll both just
stay out here and watch it?Copy !req
27. Why? Do you think
it's gonna to fly away?Copy !req
28. Just you stay there and keep an eye on it
- right?Copy !req
29. And just why, if it isn't safe
for us, is it safe for you?Copy !req
30. Will neither of you understand?Copy !req
31. For heaven's sake, let's
go and fix the scanner!Copy !req
32. No! Where you come from,
in both places, the air is pure.Copy !req
33. Outside there is the worst kind
of pollution I've met in years!Copy !req
34. Right then, you shouldn't
go out there either.Copy !req
35. Oh, my dear boy, I'm used
to all sorts of atmospheres.Copy !req
36. It won't affect me.Copy !req
37. I shall have to go out and
do the repairing myself.Copy !req
38. But suppose something happens to you?Copy !req
39. Then, and only then, can you come out.Copy !req
40. But you must be very,
very careful because...Copy !req
41. And just how are we supposed to know
that something has happened to you?Copy !req
42. My dear young man, just
give me a few minutes andCopy !req
43. if all is well, I shall be
back inside again to tell you.Copy !req
44. And if not, we come out and find you? I
seem to have been through all this...Copy !req
45. - Now, look here, my boy
- you will do as you're told!Copy !req
46. Now, you just open the doors...Copy !req
47. and remember to close
them after I've gone.Copy !req
48. Yes, sir!Copy !req
49. Good evening.Copy !req
50. Hey, you!Copy !req
51. What's up?Copy !req
52. - See that?
- See what?Copy !req
53. - That then!
- What when?Copy !req
54. - That door!
- That door?Copy !req
55. - It opened!
- Did it?Copy !req
56. - There's a bloke in there.
- Oh, aye.Copy !req
57. That bloke with a...
with... with long white hair.Copy !req
58. - I just saw him!
- Did ya?Copy !req
59. Aye.Copy !req
60. - It's locked.
- But, I've just saw him!Copy !req
61. Oh, aye!Copy !req
62. No
- police.Copy !req
63. P... O... L... I... C... E.Copy !req
64. Oh, I see.Copy !req
65. We've landed on your own planet.Copy !req
66. Oh, nonsense child.Copy !req
67. We're back on Earth.Copy !req
68. But... that's what's
written outside the TARDIS?Copy !req
69. "Po-lice"Copy !req
70. Never mind, never mind!Copy !req
71. I shall have to go outside
and try and distract them.Copy !req
72. Meanwhile, you can stay here for a whileCopy !req
73. then come out and do the scanner.Copy !req
74. Yes, but, you said the
air out there was so badCopy !req
75. that if we came out...Copy !req
76. Never mind what I said, my dear boy,
do as you're told.Copy !req
77. Now open the doors and remember to
open them and shut them after I've gone!Copy !req
78. Yes, sir!Copy !req
79. It wouldn't be Father
Christmas would it?Copy !req
80. All right, lad, it's a fair cop.Copy !req
81. Alright, what can I do for you?Copy !req
82. I've got a complaint.Copy !req
83. Well, the doctor's
just round the corner.Copy !req
84. No, no, no, no!
I... I mean, I want to make a complaint.Copy !req
85. - Oh, I see.
- Well, let's have your name then.Copy !req
86. They keep moving me 'ouse.Copy !req
87. Moving your what?Copy !req
88. House!Copy !req
89. "They" keep moving your house?Copy !req
90. Yeah, me greenhouse.Copy !req
91. It's the revels.Copy !req
92. The revels?Copy !req
93. Anyone in C.I.D.?Copy !req
94. Aye, it's straight through.Copy !req
95. Good. Come on.Copy !req
96. Haven't I seen your face before somewhere?Copy !req
97. Where?Copy !req
98. Yes, of course, I remember now, yes
the market place at Jaffa.Copy !req
99. Jaffa?Copy !req
100. The young chap said I
should come to see you it.Copy !req
101. - Do what?
- About me greenhouse.Copy !req
102. It's the revels!Copy !req
103. I've heard of a housing shortage,
but I never knew it was so bad you'dCopy !req
104. - have to spend Christmas in a Police Box.
- Oh, Christmas! Oh, is it?Copy !req
105. Of course, yes, yes, yes, yes!Copy !req
106. That accounts for the holly in the hall.Copy !req
107. - You mean you didn't know?
- Well, of course I didn't know!Copy !req
108. - I travel about too much.
- And why is that?Copy !req
109. Well, a quest of knowledge, dear boy.Copy !req
110. I mean, you have a
saying in this countryCopy !req
111. have you not, er...
"travel broadens the mind"?Copy !req
112. - You mean you're not English?
- No, good gracious no!Copy !req
113. - Scottish?
- No.Copy !req
114. Are you Welsh?Copy !req
115. Oh, you'll have to think in
a far bigger way than that!Copy !req
116. Your ideas are too narrow,
too small, too crippled!Copy !req
117. All right, all right.Copy !req
118. What are you then?Copy !req
119. Well, I suppose you might say that
I am a citizen of the universe...Copy !req
120. and a gentleman, to boot!Copy !req
121. - He's having us on a bit, in't he, sir?
- Now, look lad...Copy !req
122. And now they've been and
gone and moved it again.Copy !req
123. Oh, where to this time?Copy !req
124. I don't know. That's why I came
to see you. The young chap...Copy !req
125. You're sure it's not out there along
beside the...? Oh, here, just a minute.Copy !req
126. Er, e... excuse me?Copy !req
127. Ah, you must be the new bloke from
'G' Division, come to help us out?Copy !req
128. I... I beg your pardon?Copy !req
129. I say you must be the new
bloke from 'G' Division?Copy !req
130. Must I? Oh! Oh, yes.Copy !req
131. Yes, that's right. Erm, yeah, I've, erCopy !req
132. I've come about the old man.Copy !req
133. Old man? What old man?Copy !req
134. Well, he was brought
in here a minute ago.Copy !req
135. Oh, he's with C.I.D.Copy !req
136. You'd better wait till
they're finished with him.Copy !req
137. Ah, yeah, but I've got to get to him.Copy !req
138. Well, you'll have to wait, lad.
He'll be out here again soon.Copy !req
139. Now wait over there.Copy !req
140. Now, what about my greenhouse?Copy !req
141. Oh, yes.
Now where was this you said?Copy !req
142. Well, for a start,
it's not in me garden...Copy !req
143. I don't think you really understand.Copy !req
144. That object in the yard out
there isn't really a police box.Copy !req
145. No, no, of course it's not.Copy !req
146. It's the New Brighton ferry.Copy !req
147. It is a machine for investigating
Time And Relative Dimensions In Space.Copy !req
148. He's a nutter.Copy !req
149. He's straight from a
funny-farm, if you ask me.Copy !req
150. Do I take it that you
gentlemen are imputingCopy !req
151. that I am mentally deranged?Copy !req
152. I told you, he's a nutter.Copy !req
153. Is he the only bloke in the box?Copy !req
154. Well, how should I know?Copy !req
155. Well didn't you check?Copy !req
156. There might be a whole
army of the... them in thereCopy !req
157. living like gypsies in one of Her
Majesty's police telephone boxes!Copy !req
158. And just how many people would
you expect to come out of one box?Copy !req
159. Where have they got to?Copy !req
160. Hello, Hello.Copy !req
161. What are you doing hanging
around here on Christmas Day?Copy !req
162. Nothing.Copy !req
163. Surprised to see a police
box here, I suppose?Copy !req
164. Oh, you think it's yours?Copy !req
165. Well, not mine exactly, but
let's say it belongs to us, eh?Copy !req
166. Er, so why don't you leave it
where it is and just move along, eh?Copy !req
167. - I've got to fix it.
- Fix what?Copy !req
168. The scanner eye.Copy !req
169. - The scanner eye?
- Yes.Copy !req
170. - Oh, you do?
- Yes.Copy !req
171. Oh, well, we usually get the
jokers around here at Christmas timeCopy !req
172. but we have to be lenient.Copy !req
173. So, er, just move along, eh?Copy !req
174. I can't.Copy !req
175. Oh yes, you can, young lady.
That's enough of joking.Copy !req
176. I'm sure you're going to
enjoy yourself at that partyCopy !req
177. you're going to so why
not go down there now?Copy !req
178. I'm not going to a party.Copy !req
179. Well, wherever you are going
dressed up in them fancy clothesCopy !req
180. you leave now and there
won't be no trouble.Copy !req
181. I've got to stay here.Copy !req
182. Now you take my advice,
young lady, and leave now.Copy !req
183. Otherwise, I might have to run
you in for loitering or something.Copy !req
184. I wouldn't like to have to do that.Copy !req
185. We've had a bit of, er, trouble
like that already tonight.Copy !req
186. You see, er, we don't
like people hanging around.Copy !req
187. But at Christmas time
we have to be lenientCopy !req
188. and we don't want to make
it too difficult for you.Copy !req
189. Oh, very well.Copy !req
190. Have a... have a...
have a swinging time!Copy !req
191. Funny girl...Copy !req
192. The idiots!Copy !req
193. They've obviously got themselves
into some kind of trouble.Copy !req
194. Why won't you sit down, lad?Copy !req
195. You're making the place look untidy.Copy !req
196. - It's all right?
- Of course, of course.Copy !req
197. - And what are you doing here?
- Who are you? Do you know this man?Copy !req
198. Yes. Er...Copy !req
199. I mean, aye.Copy !req
200. He's just the extra bloke
from 'G' Division, sir.Copy !req
201. - Er, yeah, it's... it's alright, er
- I'll look after him.Copy !req
202. Well, if you know him perhaps you can
tell us what he's doing in a police box?Copy !req
203. - A what?
- That police box across the yardCopy !req
204. he claims to live in it.Copy !req
205. Oh, no.Copy !req
206. Just a minute. It'll be
all right, just a minute.Copy !req
207. No, er, it's alright.Copy !req
208. Er, you see he's a funny feller,
but I know how to handle him.Copy !req
209. - We're used to him down in 'G' Division.
- Very well. Well, get him out of hereCopy !req
210. and see that he steers
clear of that police box.Copy !req
211. Right. I'll do that... sir.Copy !req
212. Right, er, come on there, old man.Copy !req
213. much of the old man, either.Copy !req
214. - What's all this funny accent?
- Everybody else is doing it.Copy !req
215. I'll come with you and
make sure you can manage.Copy !req
216. - It's alright!
- I know!Copy !req
217. Hey you! Hey you, what' you playing at?Copy !req
218. - Go into the TARDIS, now hurry!
- Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh.Copy !req
219. I don't know what it
is about that police boxCopy !req
220. but first of all, the
old bloke comes out of itCopy !req
221. now I catch this lass
climbing about on it.Copy !req
222. - Please let me go!
It's all right. I know her too.Copy !req
223. Aye, you seem to know
all the queer people.Copy !req
224. Well, who is she?Copy !req
225. Well, she's a... she's
a friend of the old man's.Copy !req
226. Let me go!Copy !req
227. Come on, Steven.Copy !req
228. Hello, hello? What's up with you?Copy !req
229. - Here... here, it's gone!
- What?Copy !req
230. That telephone box, it's gone.Copy !req
231. Weren't it meant for us?Copy !req
232. I found this jacket, so they
thought I was one of their group.Copy !req
233. And when you appeared on the scene
they were completely mystified.Copy !req
234. Well, even I, dear boy, must
admit that I enjoyed myself.Copy !req
235. Did you fix the scanner, mm?Copy !req
236. I did
- and no help from either of you.Copy !req
237. - At least it's working.
- Have you checked it?Copy !req
238. Of course not. After that man
grabbed me I didn't have a chance.Copy !req
239. Never mind.
Is the Taranium safe?Copy !req
240. - Yes, over there.
- Oh, I'd forgotten about the Daleks.Copy !req
241. Now, that's one thing
you mustn't do, my dear.Copy !req
242. Remember they have the same type
of machines and they can follow us.Copy !req
243. Yes, but they won't have
found out about the switch yet.Copy !req
244. No, I sincerely hope not.Copy !req
245. Well, while we have the
Taranium their plan cannot work.Copy !req
246. I don't think the Daleks
will attack the Sos...Copy !req
247. the Solar System until they've
checked their Time Destructor.Copy !req
248. Then what can we do?Copy !req
249. Well, I think we might,
perhaps, be able to destroyCopy !req
250. the Taranium before they catch us up.Copy !req
251. I think we've stopped again.Copy !req
252. Yes, we might, er, we
might still be on Earth.Copy !req
253. Wait a minute.Copy !req
254. Oh, no, the atmosphere
has... improved considerably.Copy !req
255. Yes, let's have a look at the
scanner. It might tell us something.Copy !req
256. The door!Copy !req
257. Oh, No! No! No!Copy !req
258. This saw will take care of you, and
then my secret will be safe forever.Copy !req
259. Oh! No! Help me! Somebody
help me, please! Oh!Copy !req
260. Your cries cannot be heard!Copy !req
261. The saw-mill is miles from anywhere!Copy !req
262. No!Copy !req
263. What are you doing?Copy !req
264. Oh! Somebody! Oh! Stop!Copy !req
265. Cut!Copy !req
266. - Oh, no, no, no, no!
- Stop! Stop! Who let those bums in here?Copy !req
267. Steinberger! They've
ruined my scene! Oh!Copy !req
268. It's that guy – DeMille!Copy !req
269. He's trying to sabotage me!Copy !req
270. Get those bums outta here!Copy !req
271. - What are you doing? Come back here!
- Did you see those two?Copy !req
272. - Wait!
- I want them back here!Copy !req
273. Pipe down now! There's
no camera running now!Copy !req
274. Save it for the later take.Copy !req
275. Hey you!Copy !req
276. I want those two back here.Copy !req
277. He's great! Bigger than Fairbanks!Copy !req
278. Well, don't just stand there...Copy !req
279. go get them!Copy !req
280. Where's Sara?Copy !req
281. - Oh, I must've lost her. Where are we?
- In here, quick!Copy !req
282. and then I will
come to you on my camelCopy !req
283. and sweep you away across the desert!Copy !req
284. No! No! Terrible!Copy !req
285. Okay, Harry. Cut down
at twenty-three...Copy !req
286. You've got to give it more feeling.Copy !req
287. She's not a sack of potatoes.Copy !req
288. No. He is de sack of potatoes.Copy !req
289. Vere did you find him
- on a rubbish dump?Copy !req
290. I resent that!Copy !req
291. Iggy! Iggy! Did you see them?Copy !req
292. - Who? Who?
- A guy and a gal.Copy !req
293. They just beat the living
daylights out of my camera crew.Copy !req
294. It was great!Copy !req
295. Perhaps you like your film
interrupted, but I do not.Copy !req
296. Please do not interrupt
me when I am creating.Copy !req
297. Ah, Mr. Ke-noff?
Mr. Ke-noff?Copy !req
298. Knopf! Ingmar Knopf!Copy !req
299. Mr. Knopf. Ah, Professor
Webster is here, sir.Copy !req
300. Ah, good! Send him to me at once.Copy !req
301. I need him in this next scene.Copy !req
302. - Yes sir.
- You should have seen him! He was great!Copy !req
303. Bigger than Fairbanks!Copy !req
304. I've got to find a name
for him! Something suave!Copy !req
305. Please, look, please do whatever
you like, but leave me alone!Copy !req
306. Get off my set! I'm
trying to make a film!Copy !req
307. Who is this girl?Copy !req
308. If she's one of the harem, why is
she wearing that peculiar clothing?Copy !req
309. - Tell her to get them off!
- Oh, shut up!Copy !req
310. Alright, alright.Copy !req
311. No, I must find Sara.Copy !req
312. - You think she's still in this place?
- I'll try up there first, you wait here.Copy !req
313. Oh, there you are! Everybody's waiting.Copy !req
314. - No. Not...
- Now don't argue! Come on!Copy !req
315. No. You... You're making
a terrible mistake.Copy !req
316. I'm... I'm not...Copy !req
317. Doctor! No. No, please.Copy !req
318. This is quite ridiculous. I
I have nothing to do with your film...Copy !req
319. Now where's he got to?Copy !req
320. We need him to do that scene again.Copy !req
321. "And then I will come to you..."Copy !req
322. "And then I will come to you."Copy !req
323. "And then I will come to you...Copy !req
324. on my camel and I will sweep
you away across the desert!"Copy !req
325. All right. All right.Copy !req
326. Professor Webster isn't here yet, so
please don't exhaust your capabilities.Copy !req
327. Now look here, Mister Ke-noff!Copy !req
328. Knopf. Ingmar Knopf.Copy !req
329. Ke-nerve! You can't talk to
me like that. I am an actor!Copy !req
330. What! He is not an actor.
You are a cheap pig!Copy !req
331. Get lost, Fraulein!Copy !req
332. Hey did you find your sword?Copy !req
333. - No, I didn't, Mike..
- All right, all right!Copy !req
334. Saw it a little...Copy !req
335. saw it just down here.Copy !req
336. Professor Webster! Where
have you been all this time?Copy !req
337. We've been waiting for you.Copy !req
338. As our expert on Arabian
customs we need your help.Copy !req
339. Certainly, certainly! My help!Copy !req
340. Oh, I shall be delighted! Yes!Copy !req
341. How very good, Professor!Copy !req
342. Doctor, please!Copy !req
343. Oh, Doctor!Copy !req
344. This is... an... a rich Sheik's tent.Copy !req
345. Oh, yes, and who's this?Copy !req
346. She's an Arabian princess.Copy !req
347. Nonsense! You put some more
clothes on, child. Go along.Copy !req
348. And what's all this?Copy !req
349. What are you doing in
there? Please, get out!Copy !req
350. You are in the next scene.
A harem scene, please!Copy !req
351. Come on, to the wardrobe!Copy !req
352. But Dr. Webster! Where are you going?Copy !req
353. - Sara, where have you been?
- I don't know.Copy !req
354. But a strange man kept telling
me to take my clothes off!Copy !req
355. Now, come along. We must
go back to the TARDIS.Copy !req
356. This is a madhouse.
It's all full of Arabs! Come along.Copy !req
357. Sure, baby, sure.Copy !req
358. I know it was a bit of a shock.Copy !req
359. You're tryna get ridda me!Copy !req
360. You don't want me as your star any more!Copy !req
361. Of course I do, baby. You're great!Copy !req
362. Okay, Charlie, what about those props?Copy !req
363. Told you I don't want those
kids for your kind of a picture.Copy !req
364. But, you said you were going to
make him bigger than Fairbanks.Copy !req
365. I suppose you're going to
make her bigger than Pickford!Copy !req
366. No, Charlie. I mean props!Copy !req
367. No, honey, no.Copy !req
368. She's not that kind of a girl.Copy !req
369. You're the one I'm gonna make great.Copy !req
370. Now look, you're gonna...Copy !req
371. you're gonna take one
more take, huh. Please?Copy !req
372. Oh, all right. But
this'll be the last time.Copy !req
373. Sure, sure.Copy !req
374. Quiet everybody. Set up for a take!Copy !req
375. Set up for a take!Copy !req
376. Makeup!Copy !req
377. I've already told you!Copy !req
378. Stop! Stop those two!Copy !req
379. Hey, you two! Come back here!Copy !req
380. Stop those two!Copy !req
381. No! No, no, no, no! Oh!Copy !req
382. Come on, Sara!Copy !req
383. Stop those two!Copy !req
384. Stop thhem!Copy !req
385. Stop those...Copy !req
386. Come back, you two!Copy !req
387. Typical. When you're new
around here, they chase you.Copy !req
388. But after a while
- you're off.Copy !req
389. - What's that
- All the time they want something new.Copy !req
390. New jokes? There aren't any.Copy !req
391. Aren't there? Well,
that's a joke in itself!Copy !req
392. What are you doing?
Get them out of here!Copy !req
393. And will you please tell
that girl to get changed?Copy !req
394. Yeah, yeah, Mr. Knopf.Copy !req
395. Custard pies have been done by
Chaplin, so I'm not allowed to.Copy !req
396. Quite, quite. Now
would you mind moving...?Copy !req
397. Buckets of water, done by
Chaplin. Banana skins...Copy !req
398. all done by Chaplin!Copy !req
399. Now we start in close, yeah, see?Copy !req
400. And then we'll dolly
back down along there.Copy !req
401. Hey, where's Webster?Copy !req
402. - Wh... wh... what?
- Webster.Copy !req
403. Which way did they go?Copy !req
404. - What are you up to?
- Please, where's Webster?Copy !req
405. - They came through here!
- Where did they go?Copy !req
406. Two fools rushed over there somewhere.Copy !req
407. Great!
Where's Webster?Copy !req
408. Where's Webster?Copy !req
409. They won't even let me do the
wallpaper and paste routine.Copy !req
410. - You know why?
- Done by Chaplin?Copy !req
411. - Yeah.
- Now, would you excuse me?Copy !req
412. I'll tell you somethingCopy !req
413. that little Englishman
has done everything.Copy !req
414. I think I'll give it
up and take to singing.Copy !req
415. - Yes.
- But, who'd use a singer withCopy !req
416. a name like Bing Crosby?Copy !req
417. Custard pies! Bing Crosby! Ha!Copy !req
418. Doctor!Copy !req
419. Steinberger, just when are
we gonna do my scene, huh?Copy !req
420. What great trick! They just disappeared!Copy !req
421. Where are we gonna find Professor
Webster? Where's Webster?Copy !req
422. Wanna use it!Copy !req
423. How's it done?Copy !req
424. Webster, come back!Copy !req
425. Come back, Webster! Come back!Copy !req
426. Excuse me.Copy !req
427. What do you want?
Can't you see I'm busy?Copy !req
428. I'm Professor Webster.Copy !req
429. You?Copy !req
430. Yes, Professor Webster.Copy !req
431. Darling!Copy !req
432. Whatever was that place?Copy !req
433. Oh, I've no idea. I'm glad we got away.Copy !req
434. - What were they doing?
- Your guess is as good as mine.Copy !req
435. Let's hope we never land there again.Copy !req
436. - Here we are.
- What's this?Copy !req
437. Well, we so rarely get a chance to
celebrate, but this time... we must.Copy !req
438. Celebrate?Copy !req
439. - Yes. It's Christmas.
- Is it?Copy !req
440. Don't you remember? The
police station, Christmas?Copy !req
441. So it was, yes.Copy !req
442. Here's a toast,
a Happy Christmas to all of us.Copy !req
443. Same to you, Doctor, Sara.Copy !req
444. Incidentally...Copy !req
445. a happy Christmas
to all of you at home!Copy !req