Doctor Who 2x3

1. What do you want? The nurse sent me, sir. I was in English and I got a headache.

2. Then don't bother me, go home. I can't. Why? Is your mother at work?

3. I live in Ambrose Hill - the children's home.

4. No parents. No-one to miss you.

5. I see why the nurse sent you.

6. You poor child, poor . . . thin child.

7. Come inside.

8. It's nearly time for lunch.

9. Good morning, class.

10. Are we sitting comfortably?

11. So . . . physics.

12. Physics, eh?

13. Physics. Physics. Physics.

14. Physics. Physics. Physics.

15. Physics. Physics. Physics.

16. OK, let's see what you know.

17. Two identical strips of nylon are charged with static electricity

18. and hung from a string so they can swing freely. What would happen if they were brought near each other?

19. Yes, er, what's your name? Milo. Milo. Off you go.

20. They'd repel each other because they have the same charge.

21. Correctamundo.

22. A word I have never used before, and hopefully never will again.

23. Question two, I coil up a thin piece of nichrome wire and place it in a glass of water, then I turn on

24. the electricity and measure to see if the water temperature's affected.

25. My question is this - how do I measure the electrical power going into the coil? Someone else?

26. No, OK. Milo. Go for it.

27. You measure the current and PD using an ammeter and a voltmeter.

28. Two to Milo. Right, Milo.

29. True or false, greater the damping on a cistern, the quicker it loses energy?

30. False. What is non-coding DNA? DNA that doesn't code for a protein. 65,983 x 5?

31. 329,915.

32. How do you travel faster than light? By a quantum tunnel with an FTL factor of 36.7 recurring.

33. Two days. Sorry, could you just . . . ? There's a bit of gravy . . .

34. No, no, just there. Two days we've been here. Blame your boyfriend, he's the one that put us on to this.

35. And he was right. Boy in class this morning - got a knowledge way beyond planet Earth.

36. Are you eating those chips? Yeah, they're a bit . . . different.

37. I think they're gorgeous. I wish I'd had school dinners like this.

38. It's very well behaved, this place.

39. I thought they'd all be happy-slapping hoodies with ASBOs.

40. Happy slapping hoodies with ASBOs and ringtones, eh?

41. Oh, yeah. Don't tell me I don't fit in.

42. You are not permitted to leave your station during a sitting.

43. I was just talking to this teacher. Hello. He doesn't like the chips.

44. The menu has been specifically designed by the headmaster to improve concentration and performance.

45. Now, get back to work.

46. See, this is me . . . dinner lady.

47. I'll have the crumble. I'm so going to kill you.

48. Melissa, you'll be joining my class for the next period.

49. Milo's failed me so it's time we moved you up to the top class. Kenny, not eating the chips?

50. I'm not allowed. Luke, extra class. Now.

51. Careful. Keep it steady.

52. Don't spill a drop.

53. I said, "Keep it steady. " Careful. That's it.

54. Easy now. Steady.

55. Right, second barrel. Quickly now.

56. What have you got? Confirmation. I just got into Army records. Three months ago, massive UFO activity.

57. They logged over 40 sightings - lights in the sky, all of that.

58. I can't get any photos cos then it gets all classified and secret.

59. Tell you what, though, three months ago turns out all the kitchen staff were replaced.

60. And this lot are weird. See, there's definitely something going on.

61. I was right to call you home.

62. I thought maybe you called me home just to, just to call me home.

63. Do you think I'd just invent an emergency? Could have done.

64. That's the last thing I'd do. Cos every time I see you an emergency just gets in the way.

65. I've gotta go! A-a-ah!

66. What is it?

67. What are you doing? Calling an ambulance.

68. No need. She's quite all right.

69. It's fine. She does that.

70. I'd like you all to put your headphones on now, please.

71. Oh, children, the things you will see.

72. My improvements aren't confined to the classroom, no, no.

73. We've introduced a new policy here - school dinners are absolutely free.

74. But compulsory. Do try the chips.

75. Ooh, I'd love to. Thank you.

76. The transformation you've brought about, it's amazing.

77. Maybe you're working the children a little bit too hard now and then.

78. But I think good results are more important than anything.

79. Exactly. You're a woman of vision, Miss Smith.

80. I can see everything, Mr Finch . . . quite clearly.

81. Yesterday I had a 12-year-old girl give me the exact height of the walls of Troy in cubits.

82. And it's ever since the new headmaster arrived?

83. Finch arrive three months ago. The next day half the staff got flu.

84. Finch replaced them with that lot.

85. Except for the teacher you replaced and that was just plain weird, her winning the lottery like that.

86. How's that weird? She never played.

87. Said the ticket was posted through her door at midnight.

88. The world is very strange.

89. Excuse me, colleagues, a moment of your time.

90. May I introduce Miss Sarah Jane Smith.

91. Miss Smith is a journalist who is writing a profile about me for The Sunday Times.

92. I thought it might be useful for her to get a view from the trenches, so to speak.

93. Don't spare my blushes.

94. Hello. Oh, I should think so.

95. And you are . . . ?

96. Hmm? Er, Smith. John Smith.

97. John Smith!

98. I used to have a friend who sometimes went by that name.

99. Well, it's a very common name.

100. He was a very uncommon man.

101. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Yes, very nice. More than nice. Brilliant.

102. Um, so, um,

103. have you worked here long? No, um, it's only my second day.

104. Oh, you're new, then?

105. So what do you think of the school?

106. I mean, this new curriculum? So many children getting ill.

107. Doesn't that strike you as odd?

108. You don't sound like someone just doing a profile.

109. Well, no harm in a little investigation while I'm here.

110. No, good for you.

111. Good for you.

112. Oh, good for you, Sarah Jane Smith.

113. Argh!

114. This isn't your classroom, Kenny.

115. Now run along.

116. Oh, it's weird seeing school at night. It just feels wrong.

117. When I was a kid I used to think all the teachers slept in school.

118. Hiya, team! Oh, I hate it when you say "team", erm, gang, erm . . . comrades.

119. Er, anyway, Rose, go to the kitchen and get a sample of that oil.

120. Mickey, the new staff are all maths teachers, check the maths department.

121. I'm going to look in Finch's office. Meet back here in ten minutes.

122. Are you going to be all right?

123. Me? Please.

124. Infiltration and investigation I'm an expert at this.

125. Where's the maths department?

126. Down there, turn left, through the fire doors on the right.

127. Thank you.

128. A a ah!

129. A a ah!

130. A a ah!

131. Hello, Sarah Jane.

132. It's you. Doctor.

133. Oh, my God, it's you, isn't it?

134. You've regenerated.

135. Yeah. Half a dozen times since we last met.

136. You look . . . incredible.

137. So do you.

138. I got old.

139. What are you doing here? A UFO sighting, a school gets record results,

140. I couldn't resist. What about you?

141. Same.

142. I thought you'd died.

143. I waited for you, you didn't come back and I thought you must've died. I lived.

144. Everyone else died.

145. What do you mean? Everyone died, Sarah.

146. I can't believe it's you.

147. OK, now I can!

148. Did you hear that?

149. Who's she? Rose, Sarah Jane. Sarah Jane, Rose.

150. Hi. Nice to meet you.

151. You can tell you're getting older, your assistants are getting younger.

152. I'm not his assistant! No . . . Get you, Tiger.

153. Sorry, it's only me. You told me to investigate so I started looking through some of these cupboards

154. and all these fell out on me. Oh, my God, they're rats.

155. Dozens of rats.

156. Vacuum packed rats.

157. And you decided to scream? It took me by surprise.

158. Like a little girl. It was dark, I was covered in rats. Nine years old. Pigtails, frilly skirt.

159. Hello, can we focus? Does anyone notice anything strange about this?

160. Rats in school.

161. They use them in biology lessons. They dissect them.

162. Or maybe you haven't reached that bit yet. How old are you?

163. Excuse me, no one dissects rats in school any more, they haven't done that for years.

164. Where are you from the Dark Ages? Anyway, moving on!

165. Everything started when Mr Finch arrived.

166. We should go and check his office.

167. I don't mean to be rude or anything, but who exactly are you?

168. Sarah Jane Smith. I used to travel with the Doctor.

169. Oh, he's never mentioned you.

170. Sarah Jane I mention her all the time.

171. Hold on . . . Sorry . . .

172. never. What? Not even once!

173. He didn't mention me once! Oh, mate.

174. The missus and the ex, welcome to every man's worst nightmare.

175. Maybe those rats were food? Food for what?

176. Rose, you know you used to think all the teachers slept in the school . . .

177. well . . . they do.

178. No way.

179. I'm not going back in there. No way. What about the teachers?

180. Since you arrived you brought with you seven new teachers, four dinner ladies and a nurse. 13.

181. 13 big bat people. Come on. You're kidding.

182. I need the Tardis to analyse that oil.

183. I might be able to help you there. I've got something to show you.

184. K9!

185. Rose Tyler, Mickey Smith, allow me to introduce K9.

186. Well . . . K9 mark 3 to be precise.

187. Why does he look so . . . disco?

188. Oi! Listen, in the year 5000, this was cutting edge.

189. What's happened to him? One day, he just . . .

190. Nothing. Didn't you try and get him repaired?

191. It's not like getting parts for a Mini Metro.

192. Besides, the technology inside him could rewrite human science. I couldn't show him to anyone.

193. What's the nasty lady done to you? Hey?

194. No offence, but can you two just stop petting for a minute?

195. Never mind the tin dog. We're busy.

196. You see what's impressive is that it's been nearly

197. an hour since we met her and I still haven't said I told you so.

198. I'm not listening to this. Though I have prepared a little "I was right" dance that I can show you later.

199. Two quid, love.

200. All this time you've been giving it, "He's different!" but the truth is he's just like any other bloke.

201. You don't know what you're talking about.

202. Maybe not.

203. But if I were you I'd go easy on the chips.

204. Come to me.

205. Come to me.

206. I thought of you on Christmas Day.

207. This Christmas just gone, great big spaceship overhead, I thought, "Bet he's up there."

208. Right on top of it, yeah? And Rose? She was there, too.

209. Did I do something wrong? Because you never came back for me, you just dumped me. I told you,

210. I was called back home and in those days humans weren't allowed. I waited for you.

211. I missed you. Oh, you didn't need me, you were getting on with your life. You were my life.

212. You know what the most difficult thing was?

213. Coping with what happens next or with what doesn't happen next.

214. You took me to the furthest reaches of the galaxy, you showed me

215. supernovas, intergalactic battles and you just dropped me back on Earth.

216. How could anything compare to that?

217. All those things you saw, you want me to apologise for that? No, but we get a taste of that splendour

218. and then we have to go back! Look at you, you were investigating.

219. You found that school, you were doing what you always did. You could have come back.

220. I couldn't. Why not?

221. It wasn't Croydon, where you dropped me off, it wasn't Croydon. Where was it?

222. Aberdeen! Right.

223. That's next to Croydon, isn't it?

224. Oh, right, now we're in business.

225. Master!

226. He recognises me! Affirmative.

227. Rose, give us the oil.

228. I wouldn't touch it though, that dinner lady got all scorched.

229. I'm no dinner lady. And I don't often say that.

230. Here we go. Come on boy, here we go.

231. Oil. Ex, ex, ex . . . Extract, ana, ana . . . Analysing. .

232. Listen to him, man, that's a voice!

233. Careful, that's my dog. Confirmation of analysis.

234. Substance is Krillitane oil.

235. They're Krillitanes. Is that bad?

236. Very. Think how bad things could possibly be and add another suitcase full of bad. What are Krillitanes?

237. They're a composite race. Just like your culture is a mixture of traditions from many countries,

238. people you've invaded or been invaded by,

239. the Krillitanes are the same, an amalgam of races they've conquered.

240. But they take physical aspects as well.

241. They cherry pick the best bits from the people they destroy.

242. That's why I didn't recognise them. The last time I saw Krillitanes

243. they looked just like us except with really long necks. What are they doing here?

244. It's the children. They're doing something to the children.

245. So what's the deal with the tin dog?

246. The Doctor likes travelling with an entourage.

247. Sometimes they're humans, sometimes they're aliens and sometimes they're tin dogs. What about you?

248. Where do you fit in the picture? Me?

249. I'm their man in a van, I'm their technical support, I'm . . .

250. Oh, my God.

251. I'm the tin dog.

252. On my command . . .

253. How many of us have there been travelling with you?

254. Does it matter? Yeah, it does, if I'm just the latest in a long line.

255. As opposed to what?

256. I thought you and me were . . .

257. I obviously got it wrong.

258. I've been to the year 5 billion, right, but this,

259. now this is really seeing the future, you just leave us behind.

260. Is that what you're going to do to me? No, not to you. But Sarah Jane, you were

261. that close to her once and now . . .

262. You never even mention her.

263. Why not? I don't age.

264. I regenerate.

265. But humans decay.

266. You wither and you die.

267. Imagine watching that happen to someone who you . . .

268. What, Doctor?

269. You can spend the rest of your life with me . . .

270. But I can't spend the rest of mine with you.

271. I have to live on.

272. Alone.

273. That's the curse of the Time Lords.

274. Time Lord.

275. Was that a Krillitane?

276. It didn't even touch her, just flew off. What did it do that for?

277. Rose and Sarah, you go to the maths room, crack open those computers. I need to see the hardware inside.

278. You might need this. Mickey, surveillance. I want you outside. Just stand outside?

279. Here, take these. You can keep K9 company.

280. Leave the window open a crack. What? He's metal. I didn't mean for him!

281. What are you going to do?

282. It's time I had a word with Mr Finch.

283. Who are you? My name is Brother Lassar. And you?

284. The Doctor. Since when did Krillitanes have wings?

285. It's been our form for nearly 10 generations now.

286. Our ancestors invaded Bessan.

287. The people there had some rather lovely wings.

288. They made a million widows in one day, just imagine.

289. And now your shape's human. A personal favourite, that's all.

290. And the others? My brothers remain in bat form.

291. What you see is a simple morphic illusion.

292. Scratch the surface and the true Krillitane lies beneath.

293. And what of the Time Lords?

294. I always thought of you as such a pompous race.

295. Ancient, dusty senators. So frightened of change and . . .

296. chaos.

297. And of course, they're all but extinct.

298. Only you. The last.

299. This plan of yours, what is it?

300. You don't know? That's why I'm asking.

301. Well, show me how clever you are.

302. Work it out. If I don't like it,

303. then it will stop. Fascinating.

304. Your people were peaceful to the point of indolence.

305. You seem to be something new.

306. Would you declare war on us, Doctor?

307. I'm so old now.

308. I used to have so much mercy.

309. You get one warning.

310. That was it. But we're not even enemies. Soon, you will embrace us.

311. The next time we meet,

312. you will join with me.

313. I promise you.

314. "Surveillance." You ask me, it's just another way of saying,

315. "Sit at the back of the class with the safety scissors and glitter."

316. That'll be me talking to a metal dog, then.

317. It's not working. Give it to me.

318. Used to work first time, in my day.

319. Well, things were a lot simpler back then.

320. Rose, can I give you a bit of advice? I've got a feeling you're about to.

321. I know how intense a relationship with the Doctor can be. And I don't want you to feel I'm intruding . . .

322. I don't feel threatened by you, if that's what you mean. Good.

323. I'm not interested in picking up where we left off.

324. No? Big sad eyes and the robot dog, what else were you doing last night?

325. I was just saying how hard it was, adjusting to life back on Earth.

326. Thing is, when you two met, they'd only just got rid of rationing.

327. No wonder all that space stuff was a bit too much for you.

328. I had no problem with space stuff. I saw things you wouldn't believe.

329. Try me. Mummies. I've met ghosts. Robots. Lots of robots.

330. Slitheen, in Downing Street. Daleks.

331. Met the Emperor. Anti matter monsters! Gas mask zombies!

332. Real living dinosaurs! Real living werewolf!

333. The Loch Ness Monster! Seriously?

334. Listen to us.

335. It's like me and my mate Shareen. The only time we fell out was over a man.

336. And we're arguing over the Doctor.

337. With you, did he do that thing where he'd explain something at like 90mph and you'd go, "What?"

338. And he'd look at you like you just dribbled on your shirt? All the time!

339. Does he still stroke bits of the Tardis? Yes! Yes, he does!

340. I'm like, "Do you two want to be alone?"

341. How's it going?

342. What? Listen, I need to find out what's programmed inside these.

343. What?

344. Stop it!

345. Brothers, we must initiate the final phase.

346. Get the children inside and seal the school.

347. Our time has come, my brothers.

348. Today, we shall become gods.

349. 'All pupils to class immediately.

350. 'And would all members of staff please congregate in the staff room.'

351. Break time's finished early!

352. Isn't that fantastic?

353. No, no, this classroom's out of bounds.

354. You've all got to go to the South Hall. Off you go, South Hall.

355. What is it now, Mr Finch?

356. Slight change in the timetable. We're having an early lunch.

357. I can't shift it. Thought the sonic screwdriver could open anything.

358. Except a deadlock seal, there's got to be something inside here. What are they teaching those kids?

359. Close the school.

360. You wanted the program. There it is.

361. Some sort of code.

362. No.

363. No, they can't be.

364. They've taken them all! What? They've taken all the children!

365. Come on, I need some help!

366. Systems restarting. All primary drives functioning.

367. OK, no time to explain, we need to get inside the school.

368. Do you have a lock picking device?

369. We are in a car.

370. Maybe a drill attachment?

371. We are in a car.

372. Fat lot of good you are.

373. We are in a car.

374. Wait a sec. We're in a car.

375. Get back!

376. The Skasis Paradigm. They're trying to crack the Skasis Paradigm.

377. The Skasis what? The God Maker.

378. The Universal Theory. Crack that equation and you've got control over the building blocks of the universe.

379. Time and space and matter, yours to control. What, and the kids are like a giant computer?

380. Yes! And their learning power is being accelerated by the oil!

381. That oil from the kitchens, it works as a conducting agent. Makes the kids cleverer.

382. That oil's on the chips, I've eaten them. What's 59 x 35?

383. 2, 065. Oh, my God! But why use children, can't they use adults?

384. No, it's got to be children. The God Maker needs imagination to crack it.

385. They're not just using the children's brains to break the code,

386. they're using their souls.

387. Let the lesson begin.

388. Think of it, Doctor.

389. With the Paradigm solved, reality becomes clay in our hands.

390. We can shape the universe, and improve it.

391. Oh, yeah. The whole of creation with the face of Mr Finch.

392. Call me old fashioned, I like things as they are.

393. You act like such a radical and yet all you want do is preserve the old order.

394. Think of the changes that could be made if the power was used for good.

395. What, by someone like you? No.

396. Someone like you.

397. The Paradigm gives us power, but you could give us wisdom.

398. Become a God,

399. at my side.

400. Imagine what you could do, think of the civilisations you could save.

401. Perganon, Ascinta, your own people, Doctor.

402. Standing tall.

403. The Time Lords, reborn.

404. Doctor, don't listen to him. And you could be with him throughout eternity.

405. Young, fresh.

406. Never wither, never age, never die.

407. Their lives are so fleeting. So many goodbyes.

408. How lonely you must be, Doctor.

409. Join us.

410. I could save everyone. Yes.

411. I could stop the war.

412. No. The universe has to move forward.

413. Pain and loss, they define us as much as happiness or love.

414. Whether it's a world, or a relationship.

415. Everything has its time.

416. And everything ends.

417. C'mon!

418. What is going on?

419. Are they my teachers? Yeah. Sorry.

420. We need the Doctor alive. As for the others, you can feast.

421. Brother!

422. K9! Suggest that you engage running mode, Mistress.

423. Come on! K9, Hold them back!

424. Affirmative, master.

425. Maximum defence mode!

426. Power supply failing.

427. Forget the shootie dog thing.

428. Power supply failing.

429. It's the oil! Krillitane life forms can't handle the oil, that's it!

430. They've changed their physiology so often, their oil is toxic to them.

431. How much was there in the kitchens? Barrels of it.

432. OK, we need to get to the kitchens. Mickey!

433. Hold the coats? Get the children unplugged and out of the school.

434. Now then, bats, bats, bats . . . How do we fight bats?

435. Get after them!

436. Master.

437. C'mon on, boy! Good boy.

438. OK, listen, everyone. We've got to get out of here.

439. They've been deadlock sealed.

440. Finch must have done it. I can't open them!

441. The vats would not withstand a direct hit from my laser, but my batteries are failing.

442. Right, everyone out of the back door. K9, stay with me.

443. Everyone, get out. Now!

444. Come on! Move! Let's go, let's go!

445. Capacity for only one shot, Master.

446. For maximum impact, I must be stationed directly beside the vat.

447. But you'll be trapped inside.

448. That is correct. I can't let you do that.

449. No alternative possible, Master.

450. Goodbye, old friend. Goodbye, Master.

451. You good dog. Affirmative.

452. Where's K9?

453. We need to run.

454. Where is he? What have you done?

455. When we find him,

456. eat him if you must, but bring me his brain.

457. The little dog with the nasty bite.

458. Not so powerful now, are you?

459. C'mon, guys, let's go, let's go.

460. Burning!

461. You bad dog.

462. Affirmative.

463. Yes!

464. Did you have something to do with it? Yeah, I did.

465. Oh, my God.

466. Kenny blew up the school! It was Kenny!

467. Ken ny! Ken ny! Ken ny!

468. I'm sorry. It's all right.

469. He was just a daft metal dog. Fine, really.

470. Cuppa tea?

471. You've redecorated. D'you like it?

472. Oh, I do.

473. Yeah. I preferred it as it was, but, er . . .

474. Yeah, it'll do. I love it.

475. Hey you, what's 47 x 369?

476. No idea. It's gone now, the oil's faded.

477. But you're still clever. More than a match for him.

478. You and me both.

479. Doctor?

480. We're about to head off, but . . .

481. you could come with us.

482. I can't do this any more.

483. Besides, I've got a much bigger adventure ahead.

484. Time I stopped waiting for you and found a life of my own.

485. Can I come?

486. Not with you, I mean . . . With you.

487. Cos I'm not the tin dog and I want to see what's out there.

488. Oh, go on, Doctor. Sarah Jane Smith and Mickey Smith.

489. You need a Smith on board.

490. OK, then. I could do with a laugh.

491. Rose, is that OK? No, great.

492. Why not?

493. Well, I'd better go.

494. What do I do?

495. Do I stay with him? Yes.

496. Some things are worth getting your heart broken for.

497. Find me, if you need to, one day. Find me.

498. It's daft, but I haven't ever thanked you for that time. And, like I said,

499. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

500. Something to tell the grandkids.

501. Er, I think it'll be someone else's grandkids now.

502. Right, yes.

503. Sorry, I didn't get a chance to ask. You haven't . . .

504. There hasn't been anyone,

505. you know? Well, there was this one guy.

506. I travelled with him for a while, but he was a tough act to follow.

507. Goodbye, Doctor. Oh, it's not goodbye . . .

508. Say it, please. This time, say it.

509. Goodbye.

510. My Sarah Jane.

511. K9!

512. Mistress.

513. But . . . You were blown up. The master rebuilt me.

514. My systems are much improved with new omniflexible hyperlink facilities.

515. He replaced you with a brand new model. Affirmative.

516. Yeah.

517. He does that.

518. Come on, you. Home.

519. We've got work to do. Affirmative.

520. We are under attack! There are creatures! We can't stop them!

521. We need to find out what they're looking for.

522. You are inside my mind.

523. A spaceship from the 51st century stalking a woman from the 18th.

524. They found the right time window. Now it's time to send in the troops.

525. The clock on the mantle is broken.

526. It is time.

527. Doctor! Doctor!