1. Today, May 14th,
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2. as every school child knows
is the day when each year
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3. the bunch beetles
return to Pangaea.
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4. Yes, the annual migration
of billions of these magnificent insects
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5. fills the sky with a
breath-taking rainbow of color.
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6. Now, as anticipation builds
for the first glimpse of the bunch beetles
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7. anyone with even the smallest
appreciation of beauty
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8. is gazing skyward.
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9. "Adjust gas flow meter
to desired output."
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10. I'm hungry. Where's the food?
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11. Earl, you've been fiddling
with that stupid grill for an hour.
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12. Fran, this is no mere grill.
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13. This is a state-of-the-art,
fuel-injected
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14. outdoor meat preparation system.
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15. The bunch beetles
will be here any second.
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16. Stop this or you'll miss
the beautiful display.
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17. You want to talk
about beautiful display?
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18. - Look at this
LED readout. -
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19. We never had to wait
this long with the old grill.
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20. There's always resistance
to the new, isn't there.
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21. Well, I'm not afraid.
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22. Modern technology may be
daunting to smaller minds,
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23. but when I've mastered
this Pyromatic 5000,
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24. we'll be eating the future.
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25. - Jeez!
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26. Yeah, grilled to perfection.
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27. Look, it's starting.
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28. - Where?
- Oh, the beetles!
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29. No, I mean the TV coverage.
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30. Well, Katie, it's mere moments
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31. until the bunch beetles return
in what can only be described
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32. as a spectacular
panoply of color.
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33. Aren't they the most
remarkable little fellas too?
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34. Returning every year on May
14th like clockwork.
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35. And another interesting tidbit:
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36. Bunch beetles eat
those pesky cider poppies
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37. that grow so abundantly
this time of year.
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38. The poppies are thick
this year.
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39. - Looks like the beetles
are returning just in time. - Yeah.
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40. My director tells me the
beetles are expected to arrive
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41. - just ten seconds from now.
- Yeah.
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42. Katie, care to join me
in the countdown?
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43. I would love to.
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44. Ten, nine,
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45. eight, seven,
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46. - six, five, four,
- two, four, 12, nine,
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47. - three, two, one,
- nine, nine, nine,
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48. zero!
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49. Uh...
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50. Are they really, really small?
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51. That's strange. They've never
been late like this before.
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52. - Oh.
- Huh.
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53. Uh...
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54. And so we...
have an unexpected delay.
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55. Yeah, wow.
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56. Well, it looks like it may be
a while. Why don't we eat.
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57. Yeah yeah, let's eat!
Let's eat!
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58. Gee, I wonder
what happened to them.
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59. Oh, it's just
a bunch of bugs.
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60. What possible difference
could it make?
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61. Honey, I'm home.
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62. Aaah!
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63. - Ohh!
- Ow!
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64. - Ow!
- Ooh!
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65. Aah!
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66. As cider poppies continue
to grow in fragrant but annoying profusion,
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67. attention turns to the puzzling
disappearance of the bunch beetles,
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68. who would ordinarily be
scarfing down poppies like nobody's business.
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69. And so, throughout the nation
anyone with even the least awareness
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70. of the world around them
is asking, "What happened to the bugs?"
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71. What happened to my beer?
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72. I set it right down here and...
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73. Oh! Oh, there it is!
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74. What do you suppose
happened to them?
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75. I have a theory.
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76. Maybe they were all halfway here
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77. when they realized they left
the stove on and had to go back.
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78. I mean, that always
makes me late.
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79. That's idiotic.
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80. Now, stop yapping and help me
cut these darn poppies.
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81. Oh, yeah. OK...
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82. Waaa!
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83. Hmm?
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84. Hi. What a landing.
So, where's baggage claim?
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85. You're one of them
bunch beetles.
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86. Yeah, 'cause we travel
in bunches. Where is everybody?
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87. Where have you guys been?
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88. Darnedest thing. I got
halfway here and it hits me:
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89. I left the stove on!
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90. - Told ya.
- Oh.
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91. Yeah yeah. Well,
look it here now.
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92. So start munching. These poppies
are growing like crazy.
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93. Hey, I'm not here to eat.
I'm on my way to cruise chicks at the big swamp.
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94. What about all the poppies?
You guys are supposed to go crazy for these.
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95. Look, I've got one thing
on my mind right now and it ain't salad.
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96. So sha-boing!
Hello beautiful!
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97. Hey hey, that's my daughter.
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98. I'm just sayin'.
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99. So, the swamp
is your mating ground?
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100. Yeah, baby.
I've gotta get there pronto.
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101. Us bunch beetles
have a very short lifespan.
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102. I've gotta get to the swamp,
meet a female and mate.
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103. 'Cause in two weeks I'm dead.
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104. Boy, talk about
your biological clock.
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105. Yeah, but it's OK,
'cause my legacy lives on.
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106. Billions of bunch beetles,
swarming all over the place, eating cider poppies.
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107. Oh, so it's the baby beetles
that eat the poppies.
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108. Oh. And they'll
be here any minute?
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109. If I get out of here
and do my thing.
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110. Well, then, why are we wasting
valuable TV time? Come, Roy.
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111. And you doubted my stove theory.
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112. Come on.
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113. OK, cutie, I'm gone.
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114. If you want me,
I'm in the book.
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115. No, wait, uh, Mr. uh...
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116. - Stan.
- Oh.
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117. Stan. Do you even know
where the swamp is?
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118. You kiddin'? Bunch beetles
have done this for thousands of years.
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119. We have finely-tuned
radar thingies.
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120. So, what, it's through there,
past the ottoman?
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121. Uh.. you're lost,
aren't you?
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122. I think something's
jamming my thingies.
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123. Hey, I'll tell you what, Stan.
How about if I take you there myself?
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124. Ya dig me, don't ya? Naah!
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125. Heh...! Oh... Oh.
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126. What is it? You afraid
I'm too short for you?
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127. Look, Stan,
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128. you're an insect, I'm a reptile,
it's not gonna happen.
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129. So you're saying
if I convert...
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130. Look, we came here
to find the swamp.
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131. And it's just beyond
this thicket.
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132. Yeah, bring on the honeys.
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133. And stop kidding around,
will ya?
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134. But... where's the...
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135. Where's the... the s...?
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136. You call this a swamp?
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137. It was right here, but they
paved over your mating ground
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138. and put up a wax fruit factory!
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139. Well, I gotta say
this is disappointing.
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140. How am I supposed
to meet babes without a swamp?
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141. - There are no babes to meet.
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142. Where are all the beetles?
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143. Step aside, sister. Oh, it's
another one of those bugs.
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144. - I thought we'd
killed them all. - Stop!
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145. This is a bunch beetle.
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146. Hey, there's not
a bunch anymore. Ha ha ha.
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147. - You killed them all?
- Had to.
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148. Ah, this day just
keeps getting worse.
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149. Hey, this is a band-new,
state-of-the-art factory.
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150. Can't have bugs
flying around.
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151. They get sucked up
in the intake vents. Messy.
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152. But bunch beetles are a critical
part of the ecosystem.
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153. - Huh?
- We need them.
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154. Hey, girlie, if we need anything
we need this factory.
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155. After all, wax fruit
does not grow on trees.
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156. Huh?
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157. Earl, what are we gonna do
about all these poppies?
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158. They're growing faster
than I can pull them off.
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159. That's because you're relying on
outmoded hand-based techniques.
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160. Yeah, relax and let
technology create a way.
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161. - There you go.
- Wow.
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162. Howard Handupme.
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163. Chaos reigns throughout
the city today
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164. as the poppy plague
continues to snarl traffic
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165. and interfere
with daily commerce.
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166. Get away from me!
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167. This just in.
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168. A Pangaean teenager claims
to have solved the mystery
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169. of the missing bunch beetles.
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170. She's standing by right now.
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171. So let's talk live
with Miss Charlene Sinclair.
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172. Hi.
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173. - My gosh!
That's Charlene! - How exciting!
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174. Did she have to wear
those earrings?
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175. Miss Sinclair, can you tell us
exactly what you discovered?
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176. Sure. Stan.
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177. - How ya doing? Am I on TV?
- Yes.
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178. What is your relationship
with Miss Sinclair?
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179. Uh...
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180. Well, that's a very
personal question.
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181. - We're just good friends.
- She wants me.
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182. - Stan is a bunch beetle.
- Mm-hmm.
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183. In fact, he's the last
bunch beetle
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184. because all the others
were wiped out by the Wesayso Corporation.
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185. Uh, yes, Mr. Getty,
I'm watching it right now.
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186. So what you're saying is
that Wesayso is ultimately responsible
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187. for the current
cider poppy crisis?
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188. Yes, their callous pursuit
of profit has resulted in the utter destruction
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189. of an entire ecosystem.
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190. Of which I am a part.
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191. Oh, yes, sir, I agree.
It is a public relations nightmare.
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192. We destroyed their mating
ground and annihilated an entire species.
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193. All gone.
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194. - And for what?
- What?
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195. Wax fruit.
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196. Hey! Hey! Hey!
Wax fruit's important.
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197. The ability to manufacture
wax fruit is what separates us from the animals.
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198. She is talking about things
she does not understand.
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199. She is... She is...
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200. in the kitchen!
Out of my way!
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201. What we have here is progress
for progress' sake.
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202. Hold on! Hold on! Hey, wait
wait! I wanna say something here!
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203. - Da... Daddy?
- Huh?
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204. They're interviewing me.
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205. Yeah? Well, it's time for
a responsible, opposing viewpoint.
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206. - What?
- You're full of it!
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207. Progress is good.
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208. It's progress that put
electricity in the toothbrush.
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209. Progress put potato chips
in a tennis ball can.
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210. - That's true.
- Sure, some sacrifices had to be made.
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211. A forest here,
a few species there.
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212. But in the end, wouldn't you
trade all that for great advancements like...
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213. like, uh... oh,
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214. like microwave toast?
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215. Yeah! Yeah, you want
to talk about progress?
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216. This takes all the guesswork
out of making toast.
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217. Hey, wait a second, sir.
I'm getting an idea.
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218. Now, what if I could find
a concerned citizen
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219. who believes in what we do
with all his little heart?
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220. And who would voluntarily take
this nasty cider poppy problem off our hands?
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221. Oh, yes sir, I agree. It would
be a rare public-minded citizen
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222. who would be that gullible,
but...
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223. And I say keep
your spotted owl.
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224. Give me a fax machine
I can take to the beach.
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225. But I know where I can find one.
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226. As the cider poppy crisis
enters its second week,
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227. it now appears
a solution is at hand.
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228. An independent task force
of concerned citizens has come forward
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229. with a plan to spray
the entire super continent
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230. with a powerful
chemical defoliant.
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231. At a press conference
held earlier today,
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232. task force director
Earl Sinclair responded to reporters.
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233. Mr. Sinclair, isn't the word
"defoliant" just another name for poison?
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234. Uh... poison is such
a harsh word.
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235. We on the task force
prefer to think of it as botanical bye-bye juice.
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236. Just where does this
"bye-bye juice" come from?
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237. Uh, it was graciously
made available to us
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238. by a concerned industrialist
who stands behind us 1,000 percent.
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239. And who would that be?
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240. - Aw, that would be...
- Uh... he prefers to remain anonymous.
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241. You're gonna coat the entire
continent with poison?
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242. Isn't there some safer
alternative?
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243. Like what?
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244. Well, like trim back the vines
as much as we can.
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245. Live with a little discomfort,
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246. and hope that nature
eventually restores the balance.
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247. That's inconvenient
and time-consuming.
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248. My plan is exciting
and flashy and high-tech.
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249. Yeah, but have you tested this
stuff to be sure it's OK?
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250. Oh, please.
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251. Mr. Richfield assures us that,
used wisely, under controlled circumstances,
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252. this defoliant is as safe
as mothers' milk.
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253. It's on your head.
I'm out of here.
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254. Don't go near that door!
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255. - What?
- They're spraying tonight.
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256. No one leaves this house.
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257. - Oh.
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258. - Huh?
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259. Hey, here come the choppers now!
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260. Hey, listen,
they're spraying now.
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261. Whoa!
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262. Look! Pudding!
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263. Oh, goodness. Maybe I should've
taken in the laundry.
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264. Well, too late now.
Hey, I'm gonna call headquarters.
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265. See how this thing's working.
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266. Come on.
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267. Well, Dad was right.
It is killing the plants.
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268. And stripping the
paint off the patio furniture.
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269. Good morning. Last night's
massive aerial spraying
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270. has succeeded in destroying
all the cider poppies.
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271. Unfortunately, it has also
killed all other forms of plant life on the planet.
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272. Well, there goes breakfast.
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273. And so it seems the task
force's solution to the cider poppy problem
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274. has caused an environmental
calamity of catastrophic proportions.
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275. Somebody's in trouble.
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276. Good morning, everyone.
Isn't it a beautiful day?
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277. Earl, have you looked outside?
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278. That spray of yours
killed every plant on Earth!
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279. Oh, pish posh, Frannie.
In an operation of this magnitude
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280. there's bound to be some
unforeseen casualties.
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281. But let's not give in
to wild hyperbole.
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282. Uh... Well...
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283. Maybe we went a little
overboard with the poison.
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284. A little? Your stupid spray
killed all plant life.
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285. Hey, what are you complaining
about? You never liked salads anyway.
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286. You destroyed the global
food chain. No plants means no food at all.
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287. Nonsense, there's a wide variety
of commercial snack foods
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288. that have virtually
no natural ingredients.
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289. Earl, we can't live on Ho Hos!
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290. I can!
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291. Hey, let's not get panicky.
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292. Our task force tactical advisor
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293. will know exactly how
to bring back the plants.
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294. How the heck should I know?
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295. I'm a captain of industry,
not a gardener!
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296. Gosh, sir, we really
ought to do something.
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297. Folks get a little antsy
when they suspect they may never eat again.
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298. Oh, OK. Give me a minute.
Uh... All right, all right.
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299. - We're talking about
plants, right? - Yeah.
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300. Well, what makes plants grow?
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301. - Um...
- Dirt?
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302. Uh... Talking to them
in loving tones?
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303. Rain! We've gotta make it rain.
That's all there is to it!
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304. But how? Hmm.
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305. I know! Tell everyone
to go out and wash their cars.
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306. That always
makes it rain.
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307. Hey, we could have
everyone take a bath.
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308. Uh... no, wait.
That makes the phone ring.
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309. Oh, shut up!
I've already got a plan!
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310. If we want it to rain,
then we need clouds.
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311. And how do we make clouds?
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312. Uh...
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313. Oh, volcanoes, you idiots!
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314. They spew off big puffy clouds
whenever they erupt.
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315. So all we gotta do is set off
a whole bunch of volcanoes.
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316. - Ah.
- But how, sir?
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317. We'll drop bombs in 'em.
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318. I don't know, sir.
It sounds like we'd be declaring war on nature.
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319. - Exactly!
- But sir,
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320. our last great fix solution
sort of backfired on us.
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321. Maybe we should think twice
before unleashing the unholy fires of hell.
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322. Mmm, extreme problems
call for extreme solutions.
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323. This is no time for you
to lose your faith in the power of technology.
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324. Right, Mr. Task Force Chairman?
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325. Yes, sir.
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326. Bombs away.
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327. Look at those big, black clouds!
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328. If that doesn't mean rain,
I don't know what does.
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329. Ooh, hey, Frannie, could you
turn up the heat in here? It's getting a bit nippy.
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330. Frannie?
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331. What's wrong with you guys?
This is cause for celebration.
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332. You might wanna hold off
on the victory dance, fat boy.
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333. - Earl, you better
have a look at this. - What?
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334. Unfortunately, once again,
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335. the task force's latest tactic
has gone tragically awry,
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336. as thick black clouds of
sulphurous gas and soot now shroud the entire planet,
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337. blotting the sun from the sky
and causing global temperatures
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338. to drop precipitously.
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339. So maybe we'll get snow
instead of rain.
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340. What's the diff?
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341. When the sun comes out
and melts all the snow
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342. we'll have plenty
of water.
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343. And then all those plants
will come up like gangbusters.
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344. Considering the thickness
of the cloud cover,
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345. scientists predict it may
be tens of thousands of years
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346. before the sun shines
over Pangaea again.
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347. Uh...
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348. Would anybody like a...
refreshing beverage?
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349. What are you whining
about now, Sinclair?
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350. Sir, I think
we may have gone
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351. just an eensie bit
too far this time.
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352. I don't know what
you're talking about.
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353. This sudden cold snap
is a godsend.
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354. Dinosaurs are flocking to stores
buying Wesayso heaters,
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355. Wesayso blankets,
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356. and Wesayso old-fashioned
hot cocoa mix.
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357. We're gonna have the best
third quarter in history.
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358. Uh... sir, I think this could
be the last third quarter in history.
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359. Oh, don't turn into one
of those environmental doomsayers, Sinclair.
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360. "Boo hoo!"It's raining acid!"
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361. "There's a hole in the ozone!"
"You're hurting Flipper!"
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362. Bah! Bunch of
tree-hugging pantywaists!
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363. They're always standing
in the way of progress
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364. and it's our job to pave
right over 'em!
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365. I think you're missing
the point, sir.
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366. The world may be
coming to an end!
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367. Well, that's a
fourth quarter problem.
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368. We'll drop a bomb on that bridge
when we come to it.
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369. Right now, my biggest problem
is trying to figure out
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370. what to do with all this money!
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371. Could I have everybody's
attention?
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372. There's something
I have to say.
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373. First of all,
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374. Stan, I have to
apologize to you.
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375. Yeah, sure, whatever.
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376. I realize that building
that wax fruit factory
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377. on your mating ground was wrong.
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378. Oh, sure, wax fruit's
important, but...
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379. but so are bunch beetles.
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380. Gee, that's big of you Earl.
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381. But I'm still feeling
kind of blue.
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382. Maybe if there was someone
holding me to her comforting bosom...
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383. Hi.
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384. Ooh! I'll take it.
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385. And I guess I owe
the rest of you an apology too.
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386. You know, for bringing
on the end of the world
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387. and civilization and everything.
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388. I always knew you'd
screw things up.
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389. I just didn't know how bad.
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390. Mother, he said he was sorry.
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391. And I know I put too much faith
in progress and technology,
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392. and had too little
respect for nature.
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393. But it's so easy to take
nature for granted because it's always there.
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394. And technology is so bright
and shiny and new.
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395. We understand, sweetheart.
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396. Understand what?
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397. Uh...
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398. Well, little guy,
what happened was...
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399. Daddy was put
in charge of the world
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400. and he didn't take
real good care of it.
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401. And now, it looks like there
won't be much of a world left
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402. for you or your brother
and sister to live in?
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403. Are we gonna move?
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404. Well, no.
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405. There's no place to move to.
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406. This is the only world we got.
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407. But what's gonna happen to us?
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408. Well, I don't exactly know.
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409. But whatever it is,
nobody's gonna leave you.
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410. That's right, little guy.
We'll all stay together.
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411. Yeah.
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412. Yeah. Yeah, and hey,
I'm sure it'll all work out OK.
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413. After all, dinosaurs
have been on this Earth for 150 million years.
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414. And it's not like
we're going to just...
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415. disappear.
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416. And taking a look
at the long-range forecast,
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417. continued snow,
darkness and extreme cold.
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418. This is Howard Handupme.
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419. Good night.
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420. Goodbye.
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