1. "Not by the scales
on our chinny-chin-chins",Copy !req
2. said the three brachiosaurs.Copy !req
3. So the big bad dilapasaurus
roared back,Copy !req
4. 'Then I'll huff
and I'll puffCopy !req
5. and I'll blow
your house down.'Copy !req
6. And he took
a big breath."Copy !req
7. And some other stuff
happened. The End.Copy !req
8. - Daddy.
- Oh!Copy !req
9. I'm awake.Copy !req
10. Hey,
it's Baby's bedtime.Copy !req
11. Daddy has to get on
with the rest of his life.Copy !req
12. Want another story!Copy !req
13. But if Daddy reads you
another story,Copy !req
14. you'll just want
another and another.Copy !req
15. I'll be reading and
we'll learn new things together all the time.Copy !req
16. Daddy won't have
any time for television.Copy !req
17. Tell me a story
or no one sleeps!Copy !req
18. OK.Copy !req
19. Once upon a time,
there was a little boy called Earl,Copy !req
20. who only wanted to grow up
to sing show tunes on the big stage.Copy !req
21. - Heard it.
- Uh, but it's my favorite.Copy !req
22. Tell me a story about me.Copy !req
23. Where did I come from?Copy !req
24. You came from an egg.Copy !req
25. Where did the egg
come from?Copy !req
26. Well, eggs come from
mommies and daddies.Copy !req
27. Where do they come from?Copy !req
28. More eggs!
Get the picture?Copy !req
29. Now, good night.Copy !req
30. Where did the first mommy
and daddy come from?Copy !req
31. - I don't know... more eggs.
- But where did they come from?Copy !req
32. Um, they came from...Copy !req
33. they came from... - How did we all get here?Copy !req
34. And why are we here?Copy !req
35. Daddy?Copy !req
36. I don't know!Copy !req
37. I can't figure out
why we exist.Copy !req
38. I never really thought
about it before.Copy !req
39. Well, I just figured
we're just to do things for Mr. Richfield.Copy !req
40. - Yeah.
- Beyond that.Copy !req
41. Why do dinosaurs
exist on this planet?Copy !req
42. For what purpose?Copy !req
43. Maybe there are
no answers.Copy !req
44. Maybe we don't exist
at all.Copy !req
45. - Huh?
- Maybe none of this exists.Copy !req
46. Not these trees,
not this log.Copy !req
47. Not even these donuts!Copy !req
48. - Hey, hey, hey!Copy !req
49. That's crazy talk, Sid.Copy !req
50. Question the existence
of snack foods and everything falls apart.Copy !req
51. Hey, you jaw-flapping,
low-life sacks of compost,Copy !req
52. why aren't you working?Copy !req
53. - Well, sir,Copy !req
54. what's the point of work
when we don't know why we exist?Copy !req
55. - Why you exist?Copy !req
56. I'll tell you
why you exist.Copy !req
57. So you can push down trees.Copy !req
58. So cities can be built
for dinosaurs to live in.Copy !req
59. So they can push down
more trees, so more cities can be builtCopy !req
60. so dinosaurs
can push... down...Copy !req
61. You're right!
I don't know why we exist!Copy !req
62. Oh, no!Copy !req
63. Honey, I'm home.Copy !req
64. Aaah!Copy !req
65. - Ohh!
- Ow!Copy !req
66. - Ow!
- Ooh!Copy !req
67. Aah!Copy !req
68. It certainly is
an intriguing question.Copy !req
69. Where did we come from?Copy !req
70. Who created us?Copy !req
71. What is our purpose?Copy !req
72. - Why are we here?Copy !req
73. To feed me!
Let's go, I'm starving.Copy !req
74. You're the one who asked
in the first place.Copy !req
75. Does it bother you
no one knows the answers?Copy !req
76. It bothers me
I'm not eating!Copy !req
77. - Hi, Mom. Hi, Baby.Copy !req
78. Charlene,
what are you doing home?Copy !req
79. Oh, Robbie brought up
those weird questions at school.Copy !req
80. - Everybody was kind of freaked.
- Did anyone have any answers?Copy !req
81. No. They just panicked
and shut down the school.Copy !req
82. - Oh.
- Which would be great,Copy !req
83. if it weren't for
this nagging feelingCopy !req
84. life is empty
and meaningless.Copy !req
85. Speaking of empty...Copy !req
86. Everyone's grappling
with questions of existence and meaning.Copy !req
87. What an exciting time
to be alive.Copy !req
88. Shoot me, Fran!
End the pain!Copy !req
89. My brain hurts
from all these questions.Copy !req
90. Oh, my. I'm afraid
this is all too much for us.Copy !req
91. If only there were some way
to stop all this thinking...Copy !req
92. just for a half hour or so.Copy !req
93. It's T-G-Y-W-A on ABC.Copy !req
94. - And now back to,
Livin in a House. - Hey.Copy !req
95. Honey, the Buttersons
are coming over in two minutes,Copy !req
96. and I can't find
the roast.Copy !req
97. Maybe it smelled
your kumquat-strudel surprise and ran away.Copy !req
98. - Oh!Copy !req
99. Danny, do you know
where the roast is?Copy !req
100. Hey, don't look at me.
I'm no roast-rustler.Copy !req
101. No more pesky thoughts
in this little head.Copy !req
102. It's like being
wrapped in a warm blanket of cheese.Copy !req
103. We interrupt
this to bring you a special report.Copy !req
104. Here is DNN's
news correspondent, Howard Handupme.Copy !req
105. The nation is gripped
by panic this afternoonCopy !req
106. as dinosaurs everywhere
desert factories and classroomsCopy !req
107. to wrestle with
never-before-asked questions of existence.Copy !req
108. Why are we here?
Where did we come from?Copy !req
109. What is the meaning
of life?Copy !req
110. Why... Why am I sitting
behind this phony desk,Copy !req
111. reading these...
these words?Copy !req
112. What's...
what's the point of any of this?Copy !req
113. - Thanks. I needed that.Copy !req
114. Sorry. Huh?
Uh... this just in.Copy !req
115. The Council of Elders
has called an emergency sessionCopy !req
116. to deal with
the current crisis and get Pangaea back to work.Copy !req
117. Their first task,
find out who started this whole mess,Copy !req
118. and point
the finger of blame.Copy !req
119. - Huh?Copy !req
120. Uh-oh.Copy !req
121. All cower and grovel,
the Council of Elders is now in session.Copy !req
122. Who stands
before the court?Copy !req
123. Um, this is
Miss Eunice Feldman,Copy !req
124. and she wants a speed bump
installed on her street.Copy !req
125. - Uh...
- No.Copy !req
126. My mistake.Copy !req
127. This is the Sinclair party,
and they are charged with,Copy !req
128. "tearing asunderCopy !req
129. the very social fabricCopy !req
130. of all Pangaea!"Copy !req
131. We'd be interested
in the speed bumps.Copy !req
132. - If there's time.
- Silence!Copy !req
133. Because of the vexing
and unwelcome questions of this small child,Copy !req
134. the economy is ruined.Copy !req
135. The government is on
the verge of collapse.Copy !req
136. And chaos reigns
in the streets.Copy !req
137. - Say you're sorry.
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
138. - We're outta here.
- Stop!Copy !req
139. The child must pay
for his crime.Copy !req
140. - Why?
- Because that is justice.Copy !req
141. - What's justice?
- Well, justice is a system of laws,Copy !req
142. and rules that dinosaurs
have formulated to live by.Copy !req
143. - Why?
- He's doing it again.Copy !req
144. - Now you see what I'm up against?Copy !req
145. Enough!Copy !req
146. - I hereby sentence you...
- Wait!Copy !req
147. What good does it do
to punish the baby?Copy !req
148. The questions
he asked are out there, everybody's asking them.Copy !req
149. Then, uh...
we'll punish everybody!Copy !req
150. What if we were
to gather the greatest minds in Pangaea?Copy !req
151. An open forum, talk
about where we came from, why we're here.Copy !req
152. Hmm. You mean...Copy !req
153. actually try
to answer the questions?Copy !req
154. Oh, why, that's it!
We'll give them answers.Copy !req
155. Quick, simple answers
that will calm everyone downCopy !req
156. and send them
back to work.Copy !req
157. You're missing the point.Copy !req
158. But, we must
make sure in advanceCopy !req
159. that the answers
are so simpleCopy !req
160. everyone can
understand them,Copy !req
161. even the most
thick-skulled simpleton.Copy !req
162. Then, let us take
no chances.Copy !req
163. Consult the public records
book to find the biggest boob in all the land.Copy !req
164. Biggest boob, um...Copy !req
165. biggest bar,
biggest bulb, um...Copy !req
166. biggest boob.
Summon Earl Sinclair!Copy !req
167. Oh!Copy !req
168. Oh, my.
What a coincidence.Copy !req
169. You hear, son?
The biggest.Copy !req
170. Let us now hear
from the first philosopher.Copy !req
171. What is the answer
to the meaning of existence?Copy !req
172. I am believing
that all life sprangCopy !req
173. from the glistening dewdrop
on the nose of a frogCopy !req
174. as it leapt from
the celestial lily padCopy !req
175. in the enormous pond
of time.Copy !req
176. - I am lost.
- Thank you.Copy !req
177. - Next.Copy !req
178. I believe the reason
we are here on EarthCopy !req
179. is to spread
charity and goodwill among all dinosaurs.Copy !req
180. For only through
good works and sacrificeCopy !req
181. can we find peace
and a sense of purpose.Copy !req
182. And finally come to know
why we've been given this blessed gift of life.Copy !req
183. - Ah, that's beautiful.
- Yes. Truly a guide to life.Copy !req
184. - Too much work.
- Doesn't have a hat.Copy !req
185. - Yeah.
- Next!Copy !req
186. OK. Picture this.Copy !req
187. A giant,
magic flying potatoCopy !req
188. swoops down, makes
a few magical gestures,Copy !req
189. bing, bang, boom,
universe!Copy !req
190. Huh? So, how do you
love it so far?Copy !req
191. - Uh...
- A potato?Copy !req
192. - That doesn't
explain anything. - Wait a minute.Copy !req
193. Are you talking about
a baked potato?Copy !req
194. Sure, sure. You know,
sour cream, chives, bacon bits, whatever.Copy !req
195. Slathered in butter?Copy !req
196. Look, look,
the idiot's buying it.Copy !req
197. I think we may be
on to something here.Copy !req
198. Yes, potatoes
are very popular.Copy !req
199. They're a tasty treat
everyone likes.Copy !req
200. From there,Copy !req
201. it's just a hop, skip
and a jump to worship.Copy !req
202. - Ah.
- Wait, I got more.Copy !req
203. Now, the potatoes' roots,
they run deep, right?Copy !req
204. And they got
a million eyes...Copy !req
205. Fine, fine.
I'm sure it's a very colorful story.Copy !req
206. - We'll take it from here.
- Wait a minute.Copy !req
207. We only heard
from three guys.Copy !req
208. There's 100 more
waiting out there.Copy !req
209. - We should hear
what they have to say. - Oh, sure, sure, sure.Copy !req
210. You listen to every suggestion,
create a balanced synthesisCopy !req
211. that incorporates
a wide spectrum of belief systems.Copy !req
212. But, it's almost lunchtime
and I'm getting cranky.Copy !req
213. You're gonna decide
the great issues of the day 'cause you're hungry?Copy !req
214. I only had a muffin
for breakfast.Copy !req
215. It's decided.Copy !req
216. Potato-ism is the source
of all answersCopy !req
217. to the great questions
of life.Copy !req
218. We'll iron out
all the specifics after lunch.Copy !req
219. Lunch.Copy !req
220. But, you...Copy !req
221. The Pangaean
Council of Elders is happy to announceCopy !req
222. that after
an exhaustive searchCopy !req
223. the answers
to all questionsCopy !req
224. relating to the meaning
of life have been found.Copy !req
225. Please have a pen or pencil
ready to copy down the following information.Copy !req
226. - Question number one.Copy !req
227. Where did we come from?Copy !req
228. Dinosaurs
and all living thingsCopy !req
229. were created
by the Great Potato,Copy !req
230. an omnipotent,
all-knowing starchy tuberCopy !req
231. who rules the universe.Copy !req
232. - What is the nature of dinosaurs?Copy !req
233. Each dinosaur
is like a single potato,Copy !req
234. springing forth
from the earth with eyes to see the world around itCopy !req
235. and lots of potassium.Copy !req
236. - How do you spell potassium.
- P-O-T-A...Copy !req
237. - Oh, forget it.Copy !req
238. What is our
purpose on this earth?Copy !req
239. Our purpose is
to serve the Great PotatoCopy !req
240. by giving our troubled,
questioning minds a rest.Copy !req
241. Confident that the
Great Book of PotatoCopy !req
242. will provide all
the answers we need.Copy !req
243. Potato-ism.Copy !req
244. Now get back to work.Copy !req
245. What a joke! Do they believe
we'd be stupid enough to fall for this garbage?Copy !req
246. Hard to say, son.
I gotta get back to work.Copy !req
247. - I gotta
get back to school. -Copy !req
248. Mom?Copy !req
249. I have to say
it's reassuringCopy !req
250. to have answers to such
disturbing questions.Copy !req
251. Don't you care
where the answers came from?Copy !req
252. Sometimes it's better
to have some answers than no answers at all.Copy !req
253. Besides, what harm
could it do?Copy !req
254. I realize
we've all just been introduced to Potato-ismCopy !req
255. - and many of you
have questions. - Yeah, you're darn right.Copy !req
256. And I can think of
no more appropriate forumCopy !req
257. to scrutinize
this new ideologyCopy !req
258. than right here
in science class,Copy !req
259. where the quest
for truth is paramount.Copy !req
260. Yes, finally.Copy !req
261. That quest
is made much easierCopy !req
262. with this handy index
to all life's answersCopy !req
263. from
the Great Book of Potato.Copy !req
264. - What?
- Is there a problem?Copy !req
265. This is science class,
but there's nothing scientific about it.Copy !req
266. Course there is.
We have beakers, Bunsen burners,Copy !req
267. gross, squiggly things
floating in jars.Copy !req
268. Don't you realize
what will happen if we stop asking questionsCopy !req
269. and rely on that book
to rule our lives?Copy !req
270. - No. But the answer is on page 476.Copy !req
271. Yeah, well, forget it.
I'm not buying this.Copy !req
272. Then, Mr. Sinclair,Copy !req
273. I'm afraid there's only
one thing left for me to do.Copy !req
274. Let's see...
"The Loss of a Loved One,"Copy !req
275. "Marital Strife,"
"Radial Tire Maintenance?"Copy !req
276. A-ha. Here it is,
"Refusal to Accept Potato-ism."Copy !req
277. Robert Sinclair,
you are hereby expelled from high schoolCopy !req
278. and outcast from society.Copy !req
279. Your life will now spiral
downward into oblivion.Copy !req
280. We will now stand and recite
the Pledge of Potato-ism.Copy !req
281. Yeah, right.Copy !req
282. - Made it home just in time.
- Oh, yes. It's the hour of the Potato.Copy !req
283. - Yep. Where's Robbie?
- He hasn't come home yet.Copy !req
284. Oh! Shh! It's on.Copy !req
285. Good evening,
fellow Pangaeans.Copy !req
286. All hail the Great Potato.Copy !req
287. Hail the Great Potato.Copy !req
288. I'm sick of potatoes.Copy !req
289. By now, I trust you've
all welcomed Potato-ism into your livesCopy !req
290. and have found comfort
in its answers.Copy !req
291. Well, we, your
government/religious leadersCopy !req
292. would like to simplify
your life even further.Copy !req
293. Starting tonight,
we'll not only provide answers to questions you've raised,Copy !req
294. but, also answer questions
you haven't even thought of.Copy !req
295. Life keeps getting better.Copy !req
296. "Should I work late,
even though I'm not getting paid for it?"Copy !req
297. - The answer is,
"Yes, you should." - Oh.Copy !req
298. "May I send the government
extra money on my income tax?"Copy !req
299. The answer is,
"Yes, as much as possible."Copy !req
300. Earl, should I make
rice or stuffing?Copy !req
301. - The answer is, "Stuffing."Copy !req
302. They're good.Copy !req
303. They're brainwashing you.Copy !req
304. Robbie,
where have you been?Copy !req
305. Spiraling downward
into oblivion.Copy !req
306. "Dear Mr. and Mrs. SinclairCopy !req
307. your son Robert
was expelled from school todayCopy !req
308. for rejecting
all known beliefCopy !req
309. and threatening to
obliterate the foundations of social order!"Copy !req
310. Again?
What is it with you?Copy !req
311. - How could you?
- Don't you see what they're doing?Copy !req
312. They're making all
this Potato stuff up. This is not the truth.Copy !req
313. They're just feeding you
easy answers to pacify you.Copy !req
314. That way they can
control your lives.Copy !req
315. Yeah, well it's about time!Copy !req
316. Our lives could use
a little controllingCopy !req
317. by a higher, omniscient,
more knowledgeable source.Copy !req
318. A potato?Copy !req
319. Robbie, I realize
this isn't an easy adjustment for you.Copy !req
320. A situation like this
calls for a dose ofCopy !req
321. time-tested parental advice.Copy !req
322. - I'll get the book.
- Oh, yeah. That's it, run to the book.Copy !req
323. Don't bother thinking
on your own.Copy !req
324. Look up all the answers
to all your problems in life.Copy !req
325. Jeez.Copy !req
326. Hey, you.
Are you alienated?Copy !req
327. Do your maverick views
make you feel like the only sane voiceCopy !req
328. in a world gone mad?Copy !req
329. - Yeah.
- You're wrong. Embrace Potato-ism.Copy !req
330. - Be like everybody else.
- Oh, brother.Copy !req
331. - Jeez.Copy !req
332. - Son?
- What?Copy !req
333. Can we have a little chat?Copy !req
334. You know,
father-to-social outcast?Copy !req
335. If you're gonna tell me
how a vegetable can improve my life, forget it.Copy !req
336. Robbie,
we're all very upset.Copy !req
337. But, if we're gonna
work our problems out, we do it as a family.Copy !req
338. - Yep. So we called
the Potato Hotline. - Hmm?Copy !req
339. They're sending counselors
to help guide you through this passage.Copy !req
340. - Good afternoon, citizens.
- Hail the Potato.Copy !req
341. Hail.Copy !req
342. Son, we understand
you're finding the transition to Potato-ismCopy !req
343. fraught with difficulty.Copy !req
344. It can be an anxious
and puzzling time.Copy !req
345. We're here to help.Copy !req
346. Ow! Hey!
Get your hands off me.Copy !req
347. Earl, they're hurting him.
Shouldn't we stop them?Copy !req
348. The answer's no, lady.
Look it up.Copy !req
349. Help, Mom, Dad.
Don't you see what's happening?Copy !req
350. - [Robbie shouting, muffled]Copy !req
351. There you go.
No more troubling questions.Copy !req
352. - Hail the Potato.
- Hail.Copy !req
353. - Potato.
- [Robbie screaming, muffled]Copy !req
354. Oh...Copy !req
355. Earl, I think
we made a mistake.Copy !req
356. Well, I'm sure
it's all for the best.Copy !req
357. Hang on in there, son.Copy !req
358. Don't worry.
Someday we're gonna look back on thisCopy !req
359. and have a hearty laugh.Copy !req
360. Programs!
Get your programs!Copy !req
361. Complete sadistic...Copy !req
362. Burn, baby.Copy !req
363. My fellow Pangaeans,
welcome.Copy !req
364. And hail the Great Potato!Copy !req
365. Hail the Great Potato!Copy !req
366. It's just wonderful
to be here tonight,Copy !req
367. with all of you for this
joyous celebration of song,Copy !req
368. merriment and
sacrificial burning.Copy !req
369. And could you have asked
for better weather, huh?Copy !req
370. - That's Robbie!
- Earl, they're going to burn him!Copy !req
371. Um... well,
I'm sure it's all just a scare tactic.Copy !req
372. Well, it's working.Copy !req
373. Robert Sinclair,
you are hereby charged with the actCopy !req
374. of willfully undermining
the belief system we have held sacredCopy !req
375. since the beginning of...
uh, well, this week.Copy !req
376. But I only asked
a question.Copy !req
377. Burn him!Copy !req
378. Before we torch
this heathen agitator,Copy !req
379. and watch
his wretched corpse snap and crackleCopy !req
380. in the fires
of goodness...Copy !req
381. will the owner of
a brown station wagonCopy !req
382. please report to the loch,
you're blocking an exit.Copy !req
383. Oh, my gosh!
Daddy, you've got to do something.Copy !req
384. Yeah, I've gotta move the car.
What a day I'm having.Copy !req
385. Earl,
that's our son up there.Copy !req
386. Sweetheart, I know
it looks pretty bad,Copy !req
387. but I'm sure something
in the Book of Potato explains all this.Copy !req
388. What could the book
possibly say to justify what they're doing?Copy !req
389. Um, here,
take a look.Copy !req
390. All righty, if everyone
would kindly grab a torchCopy !req
391. and mosey on over
to the firepit area, we can get started.Copy !req
392. - Hurry!
- It is gotta be in here somewhere.Copy !req
393. And you kids with the
marshmallows, step right on up to the front, OK?Copy !req
394. Any last words, heretic?Copy !req
395. I take it all back and I'm really sorry?Copy !req
396. You're also kindling.
Light the fire!Copy !req
397. Earl, hurry up!Copy !req
398. It doesn't say!Copy !req
399. I guess this book
doesn't have all the answers.Copy !req
400. What did you say?Copy !req
401. - Uh-oh.Copy !req
402. Hail to the Potato,
Dad?Copy !req
403. - Point taken.
- Mmm.Copy !req
404. Burn 'em!Copy !req
405. The Potato demands
that those who question its gloryCopy !req
406. be roasted
to a golden brown.Copy !req
407. Light the ceremonial fires!Copy !req
408. Right, Chief.Copy !req
409. - Oh, oh, don't.Copy !req
410. You see, Dad?
No one cares about searching for truth.Copy !req
411. They only want
easy answers.Copy !req
412. I guess easy answers
aren't always the best ones.Copy !req
413. - Yeah.
- Oh, marshmallow s'mores.Copy !req
414. Please,
can't anyone stop this?Copy !req
415. - Goodbye, son.Copy !req
416. Nothing on earth can
alter the sacred will of the Po-ta-to!Copy !req
417. Yeah!Copy !req
418. The fire!
It's gone out!Copy !req
419. - Robbie.Copy !req
420. - Hey.
- Hey, the wind.Copy !req
421. - Where did it come from?
- It blew out the fire.Copy !req
422. But...
he said the fire was the will of the Potato.Copy !req
423. Yeah, how could the Potato
allow that to happen?Copy !req
424. - Uh, well, uh...Copy !req
425. it's not for us
to try to understandCopy !req
426. the mysterious ways
of the Potato.Copy !req
427. Uh... for, uh,
for its plan is beyond the kenCopy !req
428. of, uh, mere mortals.Copy !req
429. - You're making this up!
- Yeah!Copy !req
430. - Yeah, you don't have a clue!
- No!Copy !req
431. Yeah, we need answers.Copy !req
432. You're right,
we all need answers.Copy !req
433. But we can't make
the mistake of accepting the first answerCopy !req
434. that's handed to us
just because it's there.Copy !req
435. But we liked that
because it was easy.Copy !req
436. But it turned out
to be a fraud, didn't it?Copy !req
437. Well, yes.Copy !req
438. What have you learned?Copy !req
439. Well, uh...
we have to explore and think,Copy !req
440. and after a personal,
spiritual quest decide the answers for ourselves.Copy !req
441. - Yes.
- Ah. And then...Copy !req
442. - ... kill everyone
who disagrees. - Yes!Copy !req
443. No! Everyone must be
allowed to believe what they want to believe.Copy !req
444. Ah. You know,Copy !req
445. I always sort of believed
that the universeCopy !req
446. was coughed up
by the Great Congested Warthog.Copy !req
447. - Huh?
- That's... interesting.Copy !req
448. And you're entitled
to that... belief.Copy !req
449. Um, what if all lifeCopy !req
450. were forked out of
the flaky crust of steaming chicken pot pie?Copy !req
451. Think they'll
ever get around to unchaining us?Copy !req
452. Yeah. Yeah, if they
ever figure out the meaning of life.Copy !req
453. Well,
it's a beautiful night.Copy !req
454. Oh, yeah, it sure is.
Look at those stars.Copy !req
455. Yeah.Copy !req
456. Dad, where do you think
the stars come from?Copy !req
457. I've never thought
about it before, son.Copy !req
458. But now I think I will.Copy !req