Dinosaurs 4x11

Directed by Jeff McCracken

Sam McMurray as Roy Hess (voice) • Sherman Hemsley as B.P. Richfield (voice) • Allan Trautman as Moola the Cash Cow (voice) • Thom Sharp as Ticket Guy (voice) • Jessica Lundy as Vendor (voice)

When too many overworked employees drop dead from exhaustion, businesses give dinosaurs two weeks off for a vacation; B.P. Richfield advises Earl to bring his family to WeSaySo Land, which is supposed to be a fun amusement park for the family. What the Sinclairs find is an overpriced, cow themed park that is newly under construction, and they have to stay for 14 days.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Maybe he's just resting.

2. - For three days? - Oh, he's really tired lately.

3. He's working too hard.

4. We've all been tired lately,

5. but you don't see me lying around decomposing.

6. Well, do you think he's dead?

7. Well, if he is, the company will soon get to the bottom of it.

8. They don't miss a thing.

9. You the dead guy?

10. - No, this is the one you want. - Hmm?

11. Thanks. Boy, guys are dropping dead at work all over the place.

12. - Downright odd. - It's appalling.

13. You wouldn't believe the paperwork.

14. Thousands of death certificates I gotta fill out.

15. But, hey, that's life.

16. Well, not for them. Ha!

17. You know, this could be a nutty idea,

18. but maybe these guys are dropping dead

19. because they're working to the point of complete exhaustion.

20. Maybe all these dead guys need a little time off.

21. Huh?

22. We already get time off. It's called lunch.

23. Oh, no, no, I'm thinking longer than lunch.

24. - A long lunch? - No. I think it's gotta be a fairly substantial

25. period of time.

26. - A day? Six months. - Longer. Shorter.

27. - Two weeks? - Nah... OK. Yeah, two weeks.

28. So you're saying is that if you all get two weeks off every year

29. to relax and recuperate,

30. ultimately you'll be healthier and do a better job,

31. and the economic disruption that has plagued the nation would be ended.

32. Uh, yeah. That's it.

33. You're right, it is a nutty idea.

34. - Yeah. - Here, slip on this toe tag.

35. It'll speed things up later.

36. - Thanks. - Sure.

37. Honey, I'm home.

38. Aaah!

39. - Ohh! - Ow!

40. - Ow! - Ooh!

41. Ahh!

42. I'm sitting at the table, I'm looking for dinner.

43. - There's no dinner. - Here's your dinner.

44. - About time. - Catch you later.

45. - Robbie, where are you going? - I'm going out with the guys.

46. - Don't you want some supper? - Um... yeah.

47. Thanks. Bye.

48. Earl, did you see that?

49. We never get to spend time with Robbie anymore.

50. Yeah, and that's one of the most rewarding things about parenthood.

51. Eventually they grow up and don't want anything to do with you.

52. Hi. Sorry I'm late.

53. Charlene. I didn't know you were out.

54. Yeah, all day.

55. Wow, dinner looks great. Shame. Too bad I already ate.

56. Bye. La, la.

57. - I swear this family is falling apart

58. We might as well just be strangers who live in the same house.

59. Dinner used to be the one hour

60. when we all got together to share the events of the day.

61. Not true, Fran. It never took us a whole hour to eat dinner.

62. Well, at least you're here to have dinner with Mommy, aren't you?

63. - Already ate. - You already ate?

64. - What did you eat? - You aren't gonna like it.

65. - It wasn't furniture, was it? - Maybe.

66. - Oh! - This is why we don't need a pet.

67. We interrupt your dinner to bring you

68. this DNN special report.

69. In a bold move to stem the tide

70. of exhausted dead guys in the workplace,

71. the government announced that starting today

72. all employees will be entitled to take off from work

73. for a period of time to be known as... a vacation.

74. - Hey-hey! - All workers who feel exhausted

75. and put-upon by the excessive demands of their employers

76. may take two full weeks to rest and recuperate.

77. Ooh! Great.

78. - See ya.

79. - Goodness. Two weeks.

80. That's a lot of time. What are we going to do for two whole weeks?

81. Hey there, friends.

82. Are you wondering what to do with your new vacation?

83. Well, why not spend two weeks

84. of wholesome family togetherness communing with nature

85. at Pap Geezer's Rustic Retreat

86. Swamp Cabins and Condo Timeshares.

87. That's it! This is how we should spend our two weeks.

88. Darn right. Two solid weeks of sitting in front of the TV.

89. No! We're going to one of those swamp cabins.

90. In a beautiful place like that without the distractions of daily life,

91. like television, we can spend some real family time together.

92. Uh, gee, Fran,

93. I'm not sure it's wise to be away from TV that long.

94. There might be another special report and I might miss it.

95. We're going to the swamp, Earl...

96. as a family.

97. - Yeah.

98. So, then,

99. I suppose you've all heard about this new vacation thing.

100. - Oh, yes, sir. - Yeah.

101. Now, in the interest of our employees,

102. Wesayso has come up with an exciting way

103. - to spend your new vacation.

104. - Wow. - Hey, that's great!

105. I could spend my two weeks just looking at that.

106. - Maybe even three whole weeks. - Stop talking!

107. I'm only going to explain this once.

108. This is a picture of Wesaysoland. It's a theme park.

109. Uh, what's a theme park, sir?

110. It's a magical place for Wesayso employees

111. to spend their vacation... and their money.

112. Ah, there are rides and food and family fun

113. for the young, the young at heart,

114. and fat worthless tubs like you.

115. - Great. - Since vacations were only created yesterday, sir,

116. I was wondering how it is possible for you

117. to design and construct a world-class family resort in a single day?

118. Why, heh, no challenge is too great

119. when you attack it with imagination, ingenuity,

120. and a relaxed attitude toward building codes.

121. Oh, I hear you, sir.

122. - Sign me up.

123. Sinclair?

124. Gosh, sir, it sounds great,

125. but my wife wants our family to spend some quality time at the swamp cabins.

126. Well, you probably wouldn't be interested in Wesaysoland anyway.

127. Why, it's so enormous,

128. it's so filled with distractions, heh,

129. you wouldn't even be able to find your kids there.

130. Oh, sir, it sounds like a dream come true,

131. but the missus has got her heart set on this nightmarish swamp cabin scenario.

132. I don't think I'll be able to talk her out of it.

133. That's nice, Sinclair,

134. but, uh, as I recall that precocious tot of yours,

135. the baby, can be quite persuasive

136. when he latches on to an idea.

137. Yeah, yeah.

138. Just show him this glossy brochure for Wesaysoland,

139. with all the toy concessions and candy stands circled in red.

140. And let nature take its course.

141. I wanna go to Wesaysoland! I wanna go to Wesaysoland!

142. - I wanna go to Wesaysoland! - Sweetheart, sweetheart.

143. Can I just say something?

144. We will go to Wesaysoland... next year.

145. - But this year... - I wanna go to Wesaysoland!

146. - Wesaysoland, Wesaysoland! - I know what you're doing.

147. You can scream all you want,

148. it's not going to change things one bit.

149. Wesaysoland, Wesaysoland!

150. Wesaysoland, Wesaysoland, Wesaysoland!

151. There! There it is! Do you see?

152. It's right there, your precious Wesaysoland.

153. You got what you want. Are you happy now?

154. Are you happy now?

155. Thank you, Mama.

156. - All's well that ends well. - Yeah.

157. I know where he got that brochure.

158. I know you were behind this all along. I'm here under protest.

159. How can I get this family together

160. with you working against me at every step?

161. Fran, has it ever occurred to you this family doesn't want to come together?

162. We're happy not knowing about our personal joys and disappointments.

163. I'm not going to give up so easily.

164. If this is where we're going to be,

165. then we'll conduct ourselves as a functional family.

166. Uh-huh, OK.

167. Uh, kids, if we get separated find your own way home.

168. Moo! Hi there, boys and girls, moms and dads.

169. I'm Moolah the Cash Cow

170. and I'm "udderly" delighted to see ya.

171. Hey, hey! Calm down, Junior.

172. It's only Moolah the Cash Cow,

173. Wesaysoland's whimsical and highly-copyrighted park mascot.

174. No, no! Get him away from me!

175. Step right up to the ticket booth, Dad, and pay for admission,

176. so we can start the family fun!

177. Hi, we're here on the deluxe two-week employee vacation package.

178. So, you're entitled to the one percent company discount.

179. Oh, so, um, how much do I owe you?

180. Whoa, slow down, friend.

181. First you have to trade in your cash

182. for colorful playful Moo Money,

183. which can be used anywhere within the park...

184. except to buy food, merchandise, or emergency medical treatment.

185. - Boy, the fun begins early. - All righty.

186. Here are your tickets.

187. You owe us 2,000 Moo Dollars.

188. Earl, isn't that an awful lot of money?

189. - Fran, hello. It isn't real money. - See?

190. - Huh? - Oh, yeah.

191. Come on in, everybody. Right this way.

192. Take a look.

193. Wow. It's magical.

194. - Dad, that's a poster. - Where's the park?

195. There.

196. There. Just look at it, kids.

197. A vast world of enchantment.

198. Well, I hear it really comes alive at night.

199. - I wanna go to Swamp Cabin!

200. Swamp Cabin! Swamp Cabin! Swamp Cabin! Swamp Cabin!

201. This is it, folks.

202. The happiest room on Earth.

203. Jeez, they're really milking this cow motif, don't you think?

204. Yeah. Isn't this kind of small for all of us?

205. Oh, no. It only seems small

206. because they've packed it with wonderful conveniences.

207. Hey! Look at this cute little fridge.

208. You have just spent five dollars.

209. Six dollars. Seven dollars. Eight...

210. Nobody touches the fridge.

211. Apparently this is the adventure suite.

212. "An adventure in sleeping."

213. I wonder what that adventure is.

214. - Hmm.

215. That might start to get old after a while.

216. - Hey, this is a pay phone. - You have now spent 20 cents.

217. Forty cents, 50 cents...

218. - Hey! Put that down! - What?

219. No one touches the phone.

220. Earl, this is a pay toilet, too.

221. They're charging us for everything.

222. Ah, not the one thing that matters.

223. Quiet, everybody.

224. With my cute little bovine remote control,

225. my vacation begins now.

226. Howdy! And welcome to Wesaysoland,

227. where everybody has a good time

228. because we say so.

229. You're tuned to Wesaysoland TV,

230. a whole universe of special channels available only within the park.

231. This is channel one.

232. You're tuned to channel two, where we urge you to purchase

233. the following fine Wesaysoland memorabilia.

234. Now who could forget their trip to Wesaysoland

235. when they bring home a T-shirt that reads...

236. "I can't forget my trip to Wesaysoland."

237. - Uh, Wesayso channel three

238. is proud to offer guests a guide to hotel amenities.

239. Now please note that shower caps, soap, room keys and bed sheets are available,

240. - for a nominal charge. - Huh?

241. - Uh... Make up your mind!

242. Um, maybe we should leave the TV off.

243. That's right. We didn't come here to watch TV.

244. We came here to be together.

245. Sure we did.

246. So let's get out into that magical wonderland of fun

247. and have a rollicking good time.

248. And if by chance we happen to get separated from each other,

249. so much the better.

250. Is that cow still out there?

251. Sweetheart, it's nothing to be scared of.

252. It's a dinosaur in a cow costume.

253. Hmm.

254. Now, you two run along.

255. Keep an eye on the time and meet right back at this spot in, uh...

256. - ... two weeks. - All right. Great.

257. Isn't there some enjoyable ride we can all go on together as a family?

258. Yeah, I think that's the rocket sled to tedium.

259. - Yeah. - See you, Mom.

260. - See you, kids. - Bye.

261. - Hey! Hey, there's Roy. - Huh?

262. - Hi, Roy! - Hi, Roy!

263. - Hi, guy. - Oh, hi!

264. - Hey, when did you get here? - Uh, yesterday.

265. Hey, let me tell you, this place is a roller coaster of family fun.

266. Yeah? What have you done so far?

267. - Stood in this line. - Huh?

268. - Roy, you mind if we tag along? - Oh, be my guest.

269. - Great, great. - What's this a line for, Roy?

270. Um, the... Well, I'm not sure, but it's obviously something good.

271. Do you see how long the wait is?

272. Don't you think we should go see what the line's for?

273. I'm not doing anything that'll cost me my place.

274. - Yeah. - Yeah.

275. Oh, hey, look, more TV.

276. - Howdy!

277. I'm here to tell you more about the wonderful

278. Wesaysoland attraction.

279. Now, be sure to visit the land of the future,

280. coming in only ten years.

281. Yes, we're still building the dream.

282. For as long as dinosaurs have imagination,

283. and children have discretionary income,

284. Wesaysoland will never be truly finished.

285. - Yeah. - Oh.

286. Uh... excuse me.

287. Isn't this thing supposed to sort of turn around?

288. Yes, yes. Yeah, OK.

289. You're not pregnant, are you?

290. OK, here we go.

291. - Wow. - Keep your hands inside at all times.

292. Are you dizzy yet?

293. Earl, I just overheard someone say

294. this is the line for stroller rentals.

295. Wow! They must be some strollers.

296. Look how long the line is.

297. We already have a stroller.

298. I'm starving, and I want a hat like Uncle Roy.

299. And I've got a hungry baby.

300. - I'm going to find some food. - Yeah.

301. OK, but don't expect me to keep your spot.

302. - Yeah. No cutsies.

303. Stupid.

304. - Hi, baby.

305. Ice On A Stick? That's all you've got?

306. Yeah. I just sold the last bag of cold air.

307. - Gimme! - Oh, all right, fine. We'll take one.

308. - All right. Uh-oh. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

309. Looks like the ice has gotten a little warm.

310. So what you've actually got is...

311. - Wet sticks. - I'll take it!

312. OK. And here you go.

313. That'll be six dollars.

314. Huh? What?

315. And none of that crummy Moo Money.

316. Another one.

317. If you're sure you're ready for Mr. Amphibian's, uh, rocket thing,

318. please step into the space capsule command module-whatever.

319. - OK. - OK.

320. Keep your hands and legs inside at all times.

321. - Ooh, wow. - Yeah. There we go.

322. Get ready for some white-knuckle excitement.

323. Three, two, one.

324. Blast off.

325. Ow.

326. Vroom, vroom, vroom!

327. Hey, Dad, what's with the stroller?

328. I waited in line nine hours for this and darn it I'm going to enjoy it.

329. Well, I'm hungry and tired

330. and I think we'd all rather just go home.

331. Let me tell you something, Miss Crankypants.

332. You've been down on this place since the minute we got here.

333. Why don't you think about the kids?

334. They're having a great time, right, kids?

335. Boring.

336. - Hate it. - Bites.

337. What? You've only been here a day.

338. Give the place a chance.

339. There's tons of exhilarating fun-filled family fare.

340. - Such as? - Well, for instance...

341. - Hey. - ... did you take in, uh,

342. Moolah's Cow Milking Squirtacular?

343. Look closer, Dad. It's still under construction.

344. - Yeah. - OK, then.

345. How about Pirates of the Dairy Belt?

346. It's not under construction.

347. Closed for repairs.

348. Well, how about, uh...

349. Fantastic Journey Through The Four Stomachs?

350. The, uh... The... The, uh, Haunted Slaughterhouse?

351. - Salt Lick Mountain? - Hello, Dad! They don't exist.

352. Oh. OK, so it's not everything the brochure promised,

353. but let's look on the plus side.

354. We're out here in the fresh air,

355. I've got a wad of Moo Money big enough to choke a cow,

356. and if our stroller breaks down we got this handy new backup.

357. It's time to go.

358. And I agree.

359. Well, hello again.

360. - Excuse me, sir. - Mm-hmm?

361. Although we've enjoyed our time at your park tremendously

362. and will include Wesaysoland in future vacation plans,

363. we'd like to leave before we lose our minds.

364. I see. Just pay for the rest of your 14-day package

365. and we'll have you on your way.

366. But we've only been here one day.

367. - It's a package. - Huh?

368. You don't get it, do you?

369. Perhaps if it came from the felt-covered mouth

370. of our charming, legally unassailable mascot.

371. Hi, folks!

372. - What's your beef? - We want to go home.

373. - Yeah. - Yeah.

374. Look, wise guy, you booked a 14-day package.

375. You gotta stay in the park and spend money for 14 days, capiche?

376. - And that's no bull.

377. Oh, yeah? You gonna stop us?

378. Call security. Oh, don't hurt Moolah.

379. He's just a teenager who needs a summer job.

380. Come on, everybody, let's go.

381. - Right.

382. Hey, hey, hey! Wait, wait!

383. - Jeez! - The gate is now electrified.

384. Stand back from the gate.

385. Wow. And there's no line.

386. This is not a ride. This is not a ride.

387. D'oh!

388. Two... three...

389. There's no way we can last another 13 more days!

390. I want another wet stick!

391. Oh, what could I have been thinking of?

392. I should have known a big amusement park

393. with rides and attractions would have been the worst place for a family.

394. Oh, Fran, you were right again.

395. Don't worry, honey, I've got a plan.

396. A daring escape under the cover of darkness?

397. I can tie a bunch of bedsheets together.

398. We could build a big hang glider.

399. I'm tunneling out. Who's with me?

400. We're not going to escape. This is a highly-organized theme park.

401. I'm sure they've anticipated any escape plan we could possibly come up with.

402. - No.

403. We'll stay in this room for the next 13 days

404. and bond, just like we would have at the swamp.

405. Aw, gee, Fran, I wouldn't exactly call that a plan.

406. I'd call it hell on Earth.

407. The first thing we've got to change is that attitude.

408. If we all believe we can have fun as a family, we will.

409. Mom, were you ever a cruise director?

410. I'm sure we can think up some activities we can all do together.

411. We can tell jokes and stories, we can use a flashlight

412. and make caveman shapes on the wall.

413. I'm gonna throw myself on the electric fence.

414. - I'm right behind you. - I think we should start with a game.

415. I want everyone to look around.

416. I'm sure we can find cards or something.

417. Uh... Oh, hey, here's a bottle cap.

418. I've got a piece of string.

419. - I found a furry apple core. - And I've got a stroller.

420. Fine. I know a great game that takes just exactly those things.

421. - Go, go, go, go... Yeah!

422. - Yeah, yeah, yeah! - Go! Come on, come on.

423. Me, me, me, me!

424. - Oh, it's you! - Oh, Mom.

425. - Yeah. - Do the horse, Fran.

426. - Do it, Mom. - Do the horsey.

427. - All right, I'll do the horse. - Yay!

428. - What a filly.

429. Wow! What a great vacation!

430. Sing-alongs, hotel room scavenger hunts,

431. late night heart to heart chats.

432. I feel completely relaxed,

433. and ready to go back to work with renewed energy and dedication.

434. - Yeah. - Yeah. You know,

435. I never knew I could have such a good time with my own family.

436. I knew we could rally together and function as a family.

437. All it took was a complete lack of other alternatives.

438. I like vacation.

439. Yeah. Hey, Dad, can we come back to Wesaysoland again next year?

440. Well, sure, if you want to.

441. Please deposit three dollars for another hour of light.

442. Has anybody got any quarters left?