1. Honey, I'm home!Copy !req
2. High in the offices of the
Antediluvian Broadcast Company,Copy !req
3. the greatest creative
minds in Pangea,Copy !req
4. struggle daily to provide the public
the very best in quality entertainment.Copy !req
5. I don't care if it's good or
bad, it just has to fill an hour!Copy !req
6. Does it fill an hour? Does it eat up
the space between commercials?Copy !req
7. Fine! Get it on! Ow!Copy !req
8. Clear!Copy !req
9. Oh, man.Copy !req
10. We just need a
couple of hit shows.Copy !req
11. Stu Boombird: High-powered
network executive.Copy !req
12. His slightest whim can become a top ten
mega-hit audience pleaser, or a failure.Copy !req
13. It used to be so easy.
Why is it so hard now?Copy !req
14. Am I getting
hooked up for cable?Copy !req
15. No, Mr. Sinclair, we just
want to get your responseCopy !req
16. - to some of our new
television shows.
- Huh?Copy !req
17. Don't mind these wires.
They monitor your brain waves.Copy !req
18. Ted Hardshell: He knows what the
audience wants before they want it.Copy !req
19. And if they don't, he
can make them want it,Copy !req
20. or put it next to
something they do want.Copy !req
21. My wife's waiting
for me at the mall.Copy !req
22. She still thinks I'm in the food
court eating a rat on a stake.Copy !req
23. Earl Sinclair: Average TV watcher,
picked at random from a shopping mall.Copy !req
24. His opinions will shape the TV
programs for millions of viewersCopy !req
25. who didn't happen to
be at the mall that day.Copy !req
26. We appreciate your
help, Mr. Sinclair.Copy !req
27. Your honest responses
will help shape the futureCopy !req
28. of the most powerful
medium the world's known.Copy !req
29. Oh.Copy !req
30. Nothing.Copy !req
31. And when you finish,
you get a cookie.Copy !req
32. — Hey! Cookies! That
got him functioning.Copy !req
33. Beautiful. All right, Mr. Sinclair,
just watch the screen and enjoy.Copy !req
34. ABC, watch us.Copy !req
35. Wednesday night is just for laughs
with the fresh, new House Full of Dads.Copy !req
36. Daddy, will you please
read me a bedtime story?Copy !req
37. - Sure thing.
- OK, sweetheart.Copy !req
38. A long time ago there lived a...Copy !req
39. Shut up! Shut up!Copy !req
40. You're killing me!Copy !req
41. - Hey!
- I don't get it.Copy !req
42. Uh, uh-huh. Huh.Copy !req
43. Doesn't get it?Copy !req
44. This fall, it's Info 411.Copy !req
45. Actual calls for help. Real
incidents that really happen.Copy !req
46. What city, please?Copy !req
47. Yeah, in Lower Pangaea.Copy !req
48. The number for Don Tarnofsky.Copy !req
49. I have two. Do you
know the street?Copy !req
50. No, I don't!Copy !req
51. Info 411, from the producers
of Interesting Car Wrecks.Copy !req
52. - I don't get it.
- OK, OK, OK, OK!Copy !req
53. Maybe you'll like
this one. Please.Copy !req
54. TriceraCops, Act four:Copy !req
55. Jack be nimble,
Jack be homicide.Copy !req
56. - Huh?
- Stop!Copy !req
57. - Police!
- Huh!Copy !req
58. Come on!Copy !req
59. All right, scumwad, put
your hands over your head!Copy !req
60. I can't. I'm a Tyrannosaurus.Copy !req
61. Maybe we should
read him his rights.Copy !req
62. You have the right
to remain dead.Copy !req
63. When do I get my cookie?Copy !req
64. Just one more. This one
deals with the real issuesCopy !req
65. confronting contemporary
teenagers today. Go!Copy !req
66. We now return to
Pangaea Hills, Dino210.Copy !req
67. Damien, we need to talk. I
think I may be... in trouble.Copy !req
68. Oh, in trouble?
Are you sure, Beth?Copy !req
69. Yes, pretty sure.Copy !req
70. I don't get it.Copy !req
71. Ay...Copy !req
72. Uh... uh...Copy !req
73. Get this guy away from me!Copy !req
74. Guys, did I do something wrong?Copy !req
75. Three hours and nothing!Copy !req
76. He hasn't moved.
He hasn't blinked!Copy !req
77. - You brought me a dead guy.
- I...Copy !req
78. You're dead! Dead in the ground!Copy !req
79. - I like this.
- Stu!Copy !req
80. - What? Whoa.
- Look!Copy !req
81. - See, colors. Nice shapes.
- Man...Copy !req
82. - I like the theme song.
- It's a test pattern,
you zombie.Copy !req
83. But you can go to the bathroom,
come back, and nothing's changed.Copy !req
84. It's a test pattern!Copy !req
85. It's just something to show
in the middle of the nightCopy !req
86. - when there are no shows on.
- Middle of the night?Copy !req
87. - Boy, I'm gonna have
to get a VCR.
- He's killing me!Copy !req
88. - I, I can't take this anymore!
- Here's your cookie.Copy !req
89. - Now, leave!
- Oh, thanks.Copy !req
90. Forget him, Stu. He
doesn't know anything.Copy !req
91. The public's gonna
love our new shows.Copy !req
92. Our new line-up's
gonna be a huge hit!Copy !req
93. Clear!Copy !req
94. Show biz!Copy !req
95. This is great. I get a
big desk, a fancy title,Copy !req
96. and you guys pay me the same money
I was making for pushing down trees?Copy !req
97. - That's right.
- Suckers.Copy !req
98. Baby-booby, you were dead
right about the test pattern.Copy !req
99. - We've adjusted our schedule.
— Gilligan's Test Pattern.Copy !req
100. - Killer!
- Hardcastle & Test Pattern.Copy !req
101. - My Two Test Patterns.
- Big!Copy !req
102. Hmm?Copy !req
103. Uh, I'm actually
getting a little boredCopy !req
104. with the test pattern.Copy !req
105. Lose it! It's gone!Copy !req
106. What about our schedule?Copy !req
107. He's a viewer, the
voice of the public!Copy !req
108. He's tired of it,
kill it! It's history!Copy !req
109. - But, but...
- Show Earl what else we've got!Copy !req
110. - What? Oh, oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Come on, come on.Copy !req
111. This is a beautiful story a
bout a sincere young femaleCopy !req
112. who searches for ultimate
truth and spiritual fulfillmentCopy !req
113. by joining a convent.Copy !req
114. Yeah.Copy !req
115. What if she could... fly?Copy !req
116. - Uh...
- Brilliant! Do it! I love it!Copy !req
117. Done. OK.Copy !req
118. What else we got?
Come on, go, go, go!Copy !req
119. - Go, go, go.
- We're very proud of this.Copy !req
120. It's our medical drama series.Copy !req
121. - Play it.
- Dr. Kirk Marcus, MD.Copy !req
122. Starring Judd Matthews
as Dr. Kirk Marcus.Copy !req
123. This could be the most important
breakthrough in medical history.Copy !req
124. Millions of lives
could be saved!Copy !req
125. Guys, I'm getting
a little bored here.Copy !req
126. - What?
- Huh?Copy !req
127. Hmm. And who do we have here?Copy !req
128. Ah, baby Cuddlebunny.Copy !req
129. Tonsillectomy.Copy !req
130. Now, while I prep for surgery,
you change him into his... pajamas.Copy !req
131. Not the pajamas!
Not the pajamas!Copy !req
132. - Boy, I liked that baby - Stop!Copy !req
133. - Huh?
- Roll back!Copy !req
134. Yes. Back, back. More,
more, more. There!Copy !req
135. Not the pajamas!
Not the pajamas!Copy !req
136. He's so funny. I love it when
he says, "Not the pajamas!"Copy !req
137. - The kid's gold!
- What?Copy !req
138. Find him and buy
him from his parents.Copy !req
139. We'll build a show around him.Copy !req
140. I want T-shirts and a doll with a
string in the back of the neck that says...Copy !req
141. - Not the pajamas!
- Gold!Copy !req
142. - Oh. You want him to fly too?
- Don't be ridiculous.Copy !req
143. Hmm...?Copy !req
144. Babies don't fly, but...Copy !req
145. he could be the doctor.Copy !req
146. Genius! Baby Cuddlebunny, MD!Copy !req
147. It's bold! Its new!Copy !req
148. - Put it on at seven o'clock.
- But that's when the news
is on!Copy !req
149. - Cancel the news?
- You got it!Copy !req
150. Yes, sir!Copy !req
151. Huh?Copy !req
152. I wanna watch TV.Copy !req
153. No TV until after you play
with your educational game.Copy !req
154. Yuck. Educational game stinks.Copy !req
155. Kids, drop
everything, it's TV time.Copy !req
156. - What?
- Earl the children
have homework.Copy !req
157. Close those books and
get your eyes on the TV.Copy !req
158. This is one of the new shows your
daddy thought up at his new job.Copy !req
159. And now, from the producers
of The Test Pattern Show,Copy !req
160. - Its the new hit show,
Box Full o' Puppies!
- ♪ PuppiesCopy !req
161. It's a school night, Earl. The
kids have to do their homework.Copy !req
162. Why?Copy !req
163. Because if all they
do is watch TV,Copy !req
164. they'll never
amount to anything.Copy !req
165. Oh, you're right, Fran.Copy !req
166. I do nothing but watch TV,
and I don't have a great job.Copy !req
167. Oh, wait. I do!Copy !req
168. Hi, honey. I'm home.Copy !req
169. Get to the puppies!
Come on. Come on.Copy !req
170. Honey, what's in the box?Copy !req
171. A little something I
picked up at the pet store.Copy !req
172. Yes! Yes!Copy !req
173. Ooh...Copy !req
174. Box full of puppies!Copy !req
175. - I love you, little puppy.
- Oh, they're so adorable.Copy !req
176. Aww...Copy !req
177. At nine o'clock, the prescription is
laughter with Baby Cuddlebunny, MD.Copy !req
178. All right, doctor, it's late.
Time to put on your pajamas.Copy !req
179. - Not the pajamas! Not the pajamas!
- Oh! Ow! Oh...Copy !req
180. Not the pajamas!
Not the pajamas!Copy !req
181. Its amazing the way a
phrase like that can catch on.Copy !req
182. And now it's time for The
Happy Colors Show. In color.Copy !req
183. I was at the market talking
to some of the other mothers,Copy !req
184. and they said all their kids are
suddenly doing badly in school.Copy !req
185. They're like zombies.Copy !req
186. Oh, this has gotten
completely out of hand.Copy !req
187. If we're going to watch television,
we're going to watch the news.Copy !req
188. - Robbie, turn on channel eight.
- Huh? Oh, w... which one's eight?Copy !req
189. What? Oh, give me that!Copy !req
190. Chaos everywhere, as an unremitting
wave of stupidity sweeps our nation.Copy !req
191. Industry is at a standstill.
Schools are closing their doors.Copy !req
192. Many dinosaurs find it difficult to
perform even the simplest tasks.Copy !req
193. Scientists speculate
that these... No, no this...Copy !req
194. widespread outrook might
be the rezoo... Hello? Hello?Copy !req
195. Eh, is anybody out there?Copy !req
196. Uh, Michael? Pick the camera
up. Oh, oh! What's going...Copy !req
197. - It's the end of civilization.
- And guess whose fault
that would be.Copy !req
198. Hello, my wonderful family.
I'm home from my wonderful job.Copy !req
199. - Earl?
- Hold, babe.Copy !req
200. Idea for new show:
My mother, the lamp.Copy !req
201. Uh, details to follow.
We'll flesh it out later.Copy !req
202. - Earl, we have to talk.
- Pitch, babe.Copy !req
203. These shows of yours are
making everyone stupid.Copy !req
204. Don't be silly, Fran. TV
shows don't cause stupidness.Copy !req
205. They merely reflect the
stupidness inherent in society.Copy !req
206. Not the pajamas!
Not the pajamas!Copy !req
207. Robbie, show your
father your report card.Copy !req
208. Hit me with it.Copy !req
209. OK.Copy !req
210. - Hello, Charlene? What?
- F?Copy !req
211. F, F, F, M.Copy !req
212. M? What's an M?Copy !req
213. Well, halfway through grading
me, the teacher forgot the alphabet.Copy !req
214. Earl, it's Charlene.
She needs a ride home.Copy !req
215. She can't remember
where we live.Copy !req
216. That doesn't prove a thing.
She never was the brightest kid.Copy !req
217. Earl, you have to put
smarter shows on the air.Copy !req
218. Everyone's gotten too dumb.Copy !req
219. Fran, I think you're
overreacting just a wee too much.Copy !req
220. This is a DNN special report.Copy !req
221. This just in. Oh! Uh, uh...Copy !req
222. Municipal workers from
the Department of PowerCopy !req
223. are having trouble
maintaining electrical serviceCopy !req
224. throughout Pangaea. Ev...Copy !req
225. An official spokesman is
quoted as saying, "Duh..."Copy !req
226. Ouch!Copy !req
227. Huh?Copy !req
228. Well, Earl?Copy !req
229. OK, Fran. I'm open
to discussing this.Copy !req
230. - This isn't fair!
- Yeah.Copy !req
231. The one time in my life
I'm good at something,Copy !req
232. - and I wind up
destroying society.
- Yeah.Copy !req
233. Just my luck.Copy !req
234. Well, don't you
worry there, pally-boy.Copy !req
235. Well fix society up in a jiffy.Copy !req
236. All we gotta do is put brainy,
intellectual-type stuff on the air,Copy !req
237. and everybody'll
get smart again.Copy !req
238. - But I can't pick
the smart shows.
- Yeah?Copy !req
239. How am I gonna
know one if I see one?Copy !req
240. I got a simple rule of thumb where
matters intellectual are concerned.Copy !req
241. If it confuses me, it
must be the good stuff.Copy !req
242. And now, Full Spectrum.Copy !req
243. Examining all sides of important issues
with your moderator, John McGlutton.Copy !req
244. OK, our first topic is,
"Should the rich eat the poor?"Copy !req
245. What say you...? Jack!Copy !req
246. Absolutely. The poor have
had it too easy, too long.Copy !req
247. They're a drain on society, and
a good source of dietary protein.Copy !req
248. Disagreements? Barbara!Copy !req
249. I certainly do disagree.Copy !req
250. The poor are hardly a
good source of protein.Copy !req
251. The meat is stringy.
It's full of disease,Copy !req
252. and it's nearly impossible
to find the right wine.Copy !req
253. See what I mean?
Totally incomprehensible.Copy !req
254. Well, Mrs. Spoilsport,
I hope you're happy.Copy !req
255. This is the end of my career.Copy !req
256. I picked a whole new line-up
of brainy, tedious shows.Copy !req
257. And just in time. The kids are
getting dumber and dumber.Copy !req
258. Kids, get in here! It's TV time!Copy !req
259. But, Daddy, you said we weren't
going to watch so much TV.Copy !req
260. - Tonight is special, dear.
- Hmm.Copy !req
261. - And, by the way, I'm Mommy.
- Oh.Copy !req
262. - Whoa...
- Robbie! Are you all right?Copy !req
263. Yeah, I'm OK, Mom. I just
keep forgetting to breathe.Copy !req
264. - Whoa...
- Oh!Copy !req
265. - Earl! Turn on that TV, quick!
- OK.Copy !req
266. Mommy, Daddy, Mommy...Copy !req
267. - Police! Hold it right there!
- Come on!Copy !req
268. - Oh.
- Huh?Copy !req
269. Don't shoot! I surrender.Copy !req
270. - Were not gonna shoot ya!
- We wanna re-educate you.Copy !req
271. You see, son, you're just the
product of an alienated economic class,Copy !req
272. lashing out because you
feel powerless and unloved.Copy !req
273. You've been disenfranchised
by the bourgeois power structure.Copy !req
274. - That's right!
- I stole a car! I'm a thief!Copy !req
275. Well, son, if you
think about it,Copy !req
276. - all property's theft.
- Oh...Copy !req
277. Let me explain how the surplus
value of the worker is beingCopy !req
278. exploited in the marketplace.
When the means of production...Copy !req
279. We made a few
changes in the shows.Copy !req
280. Ooh, I feel this
creaking in my head.Copy !req
281. Like an old rusty machine that
hasn't been used in a long, long time.Copy !req
282. And now back to
The Professor Show.Copy !req
283. So, x-squared plus
two-y-squared equals four,Copy !req
284. - can be graphed - As an ellipse.
- Right-o!Copy !req
285. You see, all conic sections can
be expressed as second-power,Copy !req
286. or quadratic, equations!Copy !req
287. - Whoa.
- What?Copy !req
288. This show might be OK
with just one professor.Copy !req
289. Yeah! And he's stuck on a desert island
with... a movie star and a millionaire!Copy !req
290. - Shush!
- Huh?Copy !req
291. Sheesh.Copy !req
292. Live from the grand ol' think tank,
it's time for Economics Hoe-Down!Copy !req
293. Yay!Copy !req
294. Hey, tell me something, Doc.Copy !req
295. How can you tell when
the falling rate of profitCopy !req
296. is due to an increase in the
organic composition of capital?Copy !req
297. When a drop in the
effective demandCopy !req
298. is due to the decrease
in the marginal utility.Copy !req
299. Yeehaw!Copy !req
300. - Oh, Charlene,
you are so wrong!
- Am not!Copy !req
301. - Yes, you are.
- Nope.Copy !req
302. - Robbie, stop poking
your sister.
- Yeah.Copy !req
303. Not until she supports her
hypothesis that truth is knowable.Copy !req
304. I wasn't talking about
empirical evidence!Copy !req
305. Cut it out or I won't let
you go to school tomorrow.Copy !req
306. - But...
- I mean it!Copy !req
307. - We'll be good.
- Yeah, we promise.Copy !req
308. Hello? Earl, it's for
you. It's the office.Copy !req
309. Well, that's it.
The ratings are in.Copy !req
310. I am now officially a failure.Copy !req
311. But you're a failure who
did the right thing, Earl.Copy !req
312. Yeah, small comfort when
we're living in a cardboard box.Copy !req
313. There are not gonna be any
happy newspaper headlines this time.Copy !req
314. Yep.Copy !req
315. What?Copy !req
316. "To Earl Sinclair. For educating
and elevating the dinosaur spirit."Copy !req
317. Hey, a proud moment
for you, pally-boy.Copy !req
318. You proved, once and for all, that
smart TV really can get big ratings.Copy !req
319. - I'm a fake.
- Huh?Copy !req
320. - I'm a fraud.
- Huh?Copy !req
321. They gave me an award for putting
on shows I don't even understand.Copy !req
322. Well, maybe that's the burden
of the network executive:Copy !req
323. To pick shows that are
smarter than you are. Huh?Copy !req
324. - Yeah, but at what cost?
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
325. I canceled Box Full o' Puppies. I
canceled The Happy Colors Show.Copy !req
326. - I betrayed my highest ideals.
- OK.Copy !req
327. Ow!Copy !req
328. - You! You and your
brainy shows!
- Oh?Copy !req
329. The ratings have
taken a nose-dive!Copy !req
330. It's like no one's
watching TV anywhere.Copy !req
331. Hello? Hi, Earl.Copy !req
332. - Do you have the TV on?
- No, but I was watching
earlier.Copy !req
333. I saw this wonderful
program on smelting.Copy !req
334. I thought I'd try my hand at
isolating iron from unprocessed ore.Copy !req
335. What about the kids?
Are they watching TV?Copy !req
336. No, Charlene's off on a
cartographic expeditionCopy !req
337. to chart the fresh water
source of the Macambo river.Copy !req
338. Bye, Mom. La, la.Copy !req
339. And Robbie's developed
this rocket propulsion fuelCopy !req
340. with enough thrust to
launch his brother into orbit.Copy !req
341. Stand by, mission control.
We're ready for lift-off.Copy !req
342. - Hey!
- Give me!Copy !req
343. Robbie says this could be the
greatest achievement in dinosaur history.Copy !req
344. Who cares? Put the TV on!Copy !req
345. Our ratings have
dropped into the toilet!Copy !req
346. Oh, I'm sorry, Earl.Copy !req
347. But your new shows have
stimulated us so much,Copy !req
348. that we've found more interesting
things to do with our lives.Copy !req
349. Nobody has time for TV anymore.Copy !req
350. - But...
- Bye, dear.Copy !req
351. This is all your
fault, Sinclair!Copy !req
352. You and your bright ideas
about quality television.Copy !req
353. - Oh, man...
- The public's gotten too smart.Copy !req
354. - Oh, they're all reading books.
- They don't need us anymore.Copy !req
355. There must be a way to
make them dumb again.Copy !req
356. We could drug 'em!
Something in the water supply.Copy !req
357. - We don't have the budget.
- Fine!Copy !req
358. We'll hit everyone in
the head with a brick.Copy !req
359. - Hmm...
- You guys are evil.Copy !req
360. - Huh?
- What?Copy !req
361. I put on the dumb
shows because I like 'em.Copy !req
362. And then I put on the smart
shows to save the world.Copy !req
363. Yeah.Copy !req
364. You guys have an opportunityCopy !req
365. to speak to millions
and millions of dinosaurs,Copy !req
366. but you don't care
what you put on the air.Copy !req
367. All you care
about... is ratings.Copy !req
368. What's your point?Copy !req
369. My point is that if you're gonna
proceed with your fiendish plan,Copy !req
370. - you can do so without me!
- Bye!Copy !req
371. - Look, the way
I figure it is...
- Oh, well.Copy !req
372. We have to bring the
IQ's down... oh, 60 points...Copy !req
373. Wouldn't they be too
dumb to turn their sets on?Copy !req
374. What if they can't find it?Copy !req
375. Well, pally-boy, maybe you
did earn that plaque after all.Copy !req
376. Build them without
an off button.Copy !req
377. - Come on.
— What if they still read books?Copy !req
378. OK. So! If they're
still reading books,Copy !req
379. - I'll tell you
what we're gonna do.
- What?Copy !req
380. Well, we're gonna get them
interested in TV again with a book,Copy !req
381. a very special book.Copy !req
382. Hmm. Yeah.Copy !req
383. Mom, I just don't see why
I can't go to school today.Copy !req
384. - Because it's Saturday, dear.
- Huh?Copy !req
385. - Oh, OK.
- Robbie needs help with the
launch sequence of his rocket.Copy !req
386. - Yeah.
- It's T-minus
one minute to lift-off!Copy !req
387. And counting.Copy !req
388. You know, if this works,
it'll alter the course of history.Copy !req
389. That's wonderful!Copy !req
390. Hey, everybody, I'm getting
on the brain bandwagon too.Copy !req
391. From now on I'm cutting down on
my TV viewing and starting to read.Copy !req
392. - Good for you.
- What's that?Copy !req
393. It's a book that was
delivered to the door.Copy !req
394. Oh, a new book.
Who's the author?Copy !req
395. Yeah, it's all about TV.Copy !req
396. A guide to TV? Doesn't
sound very stimulating.Copy !req
397. Look here! It's got a crossword puzzle
with the names of your favorite stars.Copy !req
398. Ooh, let me see. It makes it possible
to plan out a whole viewing schedule.Copy !req
399. Hey, kids, look at this.Copy !req
400. The shows come on when
the book says they will.Copy !req
401. This is the greatest
breakthrough of our time.Copy !req
402. Hey, family! Anybody! Help!Copy !req
403. - Hey, hey! What's that noise?
- Aw, who cares?Copy !req
404. Huh?Copy !req
405. Boy, TV's just as
good as I remember it.Copy !req
406. Again!Copy !req