1. This is the story of Fluffy.
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2. "Now, Fluffy, the
cuddly little lizard
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3. frolicked through
the smiling flowers
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4. with his mother singing
songs of love and joy."
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5. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Get to the good part!
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6. "Suddenly, Fluffy's
mother collapsed
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7. under the impact of two high-caliber
shells from the happy hunter's gun."
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8. Oh...
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9. "Fluffy was sad. Fluffy was mad.
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10. But what could
the little lizard do?
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11. Luckily, his friend
Jimmy the weasel
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12. knew a guy who'd whack
anybody for 50 bucks."
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13. Yay!
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14. Hey, Ethyl, you wanna pipe down?
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15. We're trying to watch TV here.
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16. I love when Grandma reads to me.
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17. Earl, I think Mother's
reading to the baby
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18. is more important
than your watching TV.
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19. - Says you. This happens
to be an important TV show.
- Yeah.
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20. It's time again for Don't
Lift That Heavy Object.
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21. I love this show.
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22. Real life dinosaurs caught in
the act of moving heavy things.
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23. - Neat.
- Our hidden camera
was on hand
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24. to catch this father and son
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25. playing a duet we like to call,
Prelude to Pain. Let's watch.
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26. All right, son. Now the key
here is to lift with your knees.
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27. OK, Dad!
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28. One, two, three.
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29. Oh, smoo!
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30. Did he say what I think he said?
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31. Dad, you said smoo.
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32. It's not like we're on
television or anything.
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33. - Huh?
- Huh? Holy smoo!
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34. Are they allowed
to say that on TV?
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35. No! That's why it's so clever.
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36. Something's funny.
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37. Nothing's funny.
Nothing's funny at all.
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38. Mom, they said a
dirty word on TV.
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39. I will not have that kind of
gutter language in this house.
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40. Smoo.
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41. What'd I say?
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42. Honey, I'm home!
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43. I said something.
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44. Was it... smoo?
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45. - We don't say that word.
- Why?
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46. - Because it's a bad word.
- Why?
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47. - Because it's dirty.
- Why?
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48. - Ask your mother.
- Why?
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49. Uh... It means...
Well, it means...
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50. It means the bottom
of a dinosaur's feet.
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51. And feet touch the
ground and get dirty, so...
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52. it's a dirty word and nice
dinosaurs don't say it.
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53. - Why?
- Because it's not nice.
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54. And it certainly
doesn't belong on TV.
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55. Oh, Fran, lighten up.
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56. You think dinosaurs have
so little going on in their lives,
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57. that they'd really care about one
little word some guy says on TV?
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58. I'll always remember
exactly where I was
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59. when that guy said "smoo" on TV.
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60. Yeah, I got it on tape. I must've
watched it a thousand times.
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61. I laughed so hard I thought I was
gonna have to call in sick today.
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62. Sinclair, in here now!
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63. - He heard us laughing.
- He thinks we're happy.
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64. - Yeah, he hates that.
- Yeah.
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65. Yes, my captain?
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66. The company's board of directors
has made a decision that affects you.
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67. Oh, how surprising and unfortunate
that they should notice me.
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68. They decided to offer an incentive
program to get you freeloading,
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69. - lard-filled princesses
to work harder.
- Incentives?
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70. I thought holding your head under
water until your eyes bugged out
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71. would be more productive,
but I was overruled.
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72. Oh, shame.
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73. So, somehow, since
this week you've managed
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74. to push over more trees
than your half-dead friends,
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75. you get a little gift from me.
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76. - Ooh.
- Goofball.
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77. Uh... A-ha!
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78. Here. Don't let it
go to your head.
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79. Oh, a treasure. Thank you, sir.
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80. Thank you.
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81. Well, my wife and I have
always wanted one of these.
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82. - It's just a staple!
- Oh, I know, but I choose
to see it as so much more.
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83. It's the, uh, staple of honor.
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84. More than honor,
really. It's a blessing.
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85. A cherished blessing
that swells the...
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86. Excuse me, am I
interrupting anything?
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87. Your husband's trying
to form a sentence.
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88. You forgot your lunch this morning, so
we thought we'd come by and drop it off.
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89. Oh, thanks, honey. Hey, the
corporation is honoring me today.
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90. - Oh...
- Isn't that nice
of Mr. Richfield?
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91. Smoo!
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92. What'd he call me?
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93. - Uh... he said Lou. Yeah, Lou.
- Lou?
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94. You see, he thinks of you
as his sweet Uncle Lou.
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95. - No.
- My name's not Lou!
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96. I know, but don't you find
the uncle part endearing?
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97. You're a big smoo!
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98. Well, we'll just be going.
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99. - No, no, no. A big what?
- A big shoe.
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100. Yeah, yeah. Shoes
are his favorite...
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101. - No.
- Uh, foot covering.
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102. - It's the ultimate
compliment, really.
- Not shoe, smoo!
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103. A big, fat smooey smoo!
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104. Not much I can do with that one.
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105. I am so sorry, Mr. Richfield.
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106. It's something he heard
on television last night.
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107. I shower you with presents
and this is the thanks I get?
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108. You bring your child
here to abuse me!
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109. I'm gonna rip your head off
and play hacky sack with it!
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110. Well, thanks for
stopping by, Fran.
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111. Parts of me will be home later.
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112. It's not my bath time.
What's going on?
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113. We'll see if we can't wash
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114. those dirty words
out of your mouth
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115. with a little soap.
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116. I don't like this.
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117. Now. Any dirty
words left in there?
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118. Smoo!
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119. Good work, Mom. I'm sure
we've all learned a valuable lesson.
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120. - Smoo!
- Oh!
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121. Hi, honey.
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122. Are you all right?
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123. Hey, Dad, some jerk
put a sign on your back.
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124. It was Mr. Richfield. I think you kids
called him enough names for one day.
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125. You're home. Don't you
think you can take it off?
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126. I would, but it's covering
an unsightly wound.
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127. Oh.
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128. Earl, I've got to make dinner
and Robbie's doing his homework.
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129. - Will you baby-sit for a while?
- Sure, sweetheart. No problem.
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130. - Thanks.
- What are we doing? What now?
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131. The word "smoo"
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132. was uttered for the first
time on network television.
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133. Tonight, on the news, we'll
be saying the word itself.
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134. - Smoo.
- Hey.
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135. I don't think the baby should be
watching television these days.
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136. If he can't watch TV, what
am I supposed to do with him?
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137. - He's your son. Play with him.
- Whoa!
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138. For how long?
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139. Uh... give me an
hour. I'm making dinner.
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140. An hour!
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141. - Daddy!
- What?
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142. Play a game?
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143. - OK.
- Goody.
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144. Let's play, um... Where's Daddy?
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145. Where's Daddy?
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146. - This game stinks.
- Found me yet?
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147. - Huh?
- Found you!
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148. All right, now what?
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149. Make a face.
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150. Again!
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151. Again!
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152. Daddy's tired of making faces.
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153. What else you got?
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154. More!
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155. Take this!
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156. More!
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157. More!
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158. Oh... Oh!
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159. Oh!
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160. Oh!
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161. - All right, that does it.
- What?
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162. - You're watching TV.
- Hey!
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163. - Mama said no.
- I don't care.
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164. - Oh...
- How bad can it be?
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165. The Friendly Bunny
will not be seen tonight
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166. so that we may bring you the
following brand-new program
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167. quickly thrown together in a
shameless grab for ratings.
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168. - Oh, this should be good.
- It's The Smoo Show.
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169. Smoo!
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170. - Earl Sneed Sinclair!
- Oops.
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171. I thought I told you
to turn off that TV.
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172. - Smoo!
- Oh!
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173. Fran, how did I know
this was gonna be on?
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174. You never know what these
network guys are gonna do.
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175. That's right. So until we're
sure it's safe, this TV stays off.
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176. You'll just have to spend some
more quality time with your child.
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177. Hello? Is this the network?
Yeah, I wanna talk to somebody
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178. about changing all your
programming, right now.
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179. And don't try to give
me the runaround,
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180. 'cause I won't take
no for an answer.
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181. Yeah, I'll hold.
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182. - Mr. Flearing.
- I'm in a meeting.
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183. I've got some guy on
line two with a complaint.
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184. What? A complaint
about television? Really?
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185. Yellow!
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186. I want to complain
about one of your shows.
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187. You're kidding. What
are you, some kind of nut?
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188. - No.
- Well, you sound
like a nut to me,
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189. 'cause only a nut would call a TV
station to complain about something.
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190. I'm not a nut.
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191. Oh, sure you are. Go
ahead, say something nutty.
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192. I don't think you should be
airing a show that has the word...
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193. smoo in it. Especially when
children could be watching.
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194. I'm gonna stop you there.
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195. You're a member of a lunatic
fringe group, aren't you?
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196. No, I'm just a guy who thinks
that what you're doing is wrong.
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197. Look, sir... I think we know
a little bit more than you do
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198. about what should and
shouldn't be on television.
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199. And we can't respond to every
whacko out there with a phone.
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200. Hey, buster, I've got a legitimate
gripe here and you're gonna listen.
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201. No, I'm not.
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202. Can we watch TV now?
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203. No, not yet. Not until
my voice is heard.
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204. Not until the arrogant
despots who control television
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205. are brought to their knees
by the righteous indignation
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206. of common, decent folk with
too much time on their hands.
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207. What's all the fuss in there?
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208. Oh, Earl's called a big
meeting of the neighbors
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209. about cleaning up television.
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210. You're welcome to join them.
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211. Please, I have a life.
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212. Mom!
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213. Read me a story, Grandma Smoo.
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214. You really think
that's funny, don't you?
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215. What? Smoo? Smoo funny?
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216. Smoo. Smoo! Yes, smoo funny!
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217. Call me when you
clean up your act.
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218. Last night the TV was off,
and for the first time ever
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219. I spent two solid hours
playing with my kid.
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220. Yeah, my children and I spent the
whole evening talking to each other.
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221. It was a nightmare.
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222. - I can't live this way.
- No!
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223. - It's the network's fault.
- Uh-huh, exactly!
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224. They've unfairly shifted the
burden of raising our children to us.
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225. And as concerned parents
we have to fight that.
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226. But what should we do?
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227. We're gonna have
to force the network
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228. to take all the shows that
use dirty words off television.
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229. - Mm-hmm.
- Good idea.
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230. Yes, exactly.
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231. Maybe we should just stop
watching the shows that bother us.
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232. Maybe we should
take responsibility
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233. to control our
children's viewing.
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234. - Oh, well...
- Huh?
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235. Frannie, this is a
community meeting,
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236. and everyone's
entitled to their opinion.
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237. If you want to have an opinion
that's different from ours,
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238. I suggest you get
your own meeting.
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239. - I'm with Earl.
- Me too.
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240. Let's go down to that
network and march.
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241. And make a big stink.
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242. The time for reasonable
discussion is gone.
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243. It's time for mindless,
reckless action!
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244. Stay tuned for the new hit
show that's so controversial,
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245. a bunch of nuts are outside
trying to stop it. The Smoo Show.
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246. Hey, kids. Is it off?
Did they take it off yet?
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247. The Smoo Show, now
on seven nights a week.
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248. - Nice day's work.
- Yeah.
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249. Thanks, Mr. Negative.
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250. I'll have you know we were
out planting the seeds of change.
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251. You just wait. Those
seeds are gonna bear fruit.
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252. Then, from the producers
of The Smoo Show,
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253. it's The Flark Show
followed by Kiss My Glick.
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254. Who can say, Dad? It's
probably just a coincidence.
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255. Yeah, you got them on the run.
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256. A couple more protest rallies,
they'll make it into a mini-series.
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257. Ha, ha, ha. You
have anything to say?
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258. Flark, bad. Glick, bad.
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259. There, see? My
message got through.
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260. Smoo? That's funny!
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261. Oh, this is so discouraging.
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262. TV has become the
cesspool of vulgarity.
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263. Then why don't
you just turn it off?
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264. Because I shouldn't have
to turn off my TV set, ever!
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265. I worked my whole
life, I raised a family.
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266. I wanna be able to park them in front
of the TV, and know they're gonna watch
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267. good, clean, time-consuming,
energy-sapping entertainment.
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268. So by the time I get home,
they can barely wave hello.
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269. Well, obviously, the TV network
doesn't care how you feel.
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270. Then I'm gonna have
to go over their heads.
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271. And because my appeals to
the cultural elite who run television
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272. were ignored, I appeal to you,
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273. the highest and most revered
authority in the land to take action,
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274. and remove the word
"smoo" from our living rooms.
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275. Put it back in the bars and
construction sites where it belongs.
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276. He's right.
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277. - He has a point.
- I agree.
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278. The word must go.
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279. So be it. The word "smoo"
is stricken from television.
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280. "Smoo" stricken.
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281. Thank you. Thanks.
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282. Wait, wait, wait. What
about "flark" and "glick?"
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283. Gone!
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284. - Yes!
- Good.
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285. Thank you for demonstrating
that public policy,
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286. affecting the rights of millions, can
be altered by a small but vocal minority.
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287. - Anytime.
- Thank you.
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288. Excuse me, since
we're on the subject,
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289. there's another word
that's bothered me.
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290. You know how sometimes on
TV when a kid says, "Da-a-ad."
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291. I hate that because
then my kids do it.
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292. - I agree. I hate that too.
- I think it should be
against the law.
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293. Not just on TV, but everywhere!
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294. - Yeah.
- Good idea.
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295. Here's one. I never liked
the word "tush" or "tushie."
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296. And I, for one, don't want
my kids hearing it or saying it.
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297. - Mm-hmm.
- No one may say
"tush" anymore.
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298. Kiss "tush" goodbye.
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299. - Hear, hear.
- What a relief.
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300. I thought tushie was quite cute.
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301. I know! Why don't we make a
list of all the words that bother us,
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302. and then... outlaw them!
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303. Why stop at words?
Why not ideas too?
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304. - Hey, hey, wait a minute.
- Huh?
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305. Aren't we, maybe,
going a little too far?
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306. Now lookie here.
Do you want a nation
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307. where everybody has
complete freedom of speech,
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308. and you have to spend all your time
supervising your kids, or would you
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309. rather the government handle it?
And you can have more free time.
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310. - Free time?
- Got my vote!
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311. Number 63. "Any words that
sound like 'smoo' are also prohibited."
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312. - What are you, kidding?
- No, no, no. It makes perfect sense.
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313. "The number two will now
be replaced by 'not one'."
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314. Hey, slow down. So that'd be...
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315. One, not one, three, four, five.
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316. - Like that?
- There you go. See how easy?
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317. - I get it.
- Hmm.
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318. "A female with the name
Sue will now be known as Milly.
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319. And cows should
not say moo anymore.
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320. They should be encouraged to
speak in complete sentences."
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321. - That's ridiculous.
- Yeah.
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322. Which brings me to number 64.
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323. "No one's allowed to question,
complain, or even discuss this list."
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324. - Not discuss it?
- Hey!
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325. Grandma won't read to
me? Fine. I'll read myself.
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326. Me va vuaga.
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327. Wow. Harder than it looks.
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328. This is Shouting Match. A
no-holds-barred discussion
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329. of today's hottest issues.
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330. Featuring Pangaea's most
confrontational media pundits.
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331. Today's provocative,
controversial subject is... flowers?
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332. - All right, flowers. Joe.
- Uh... Well, I like 'em.
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333. Good. OK, now, for the feminine
point of view, Sue! Uh, Milly.
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334. - You wanna know
what I think?
- Yeah!
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335. - I like 'em too! Yeah.
- Good.
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336. Especially, uh... daisies.
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337. - Daisies?
- Yes!
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338. - Daisies!
- Mm-hmm.
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339. Doesn't anybody have the courage
to say what they think anymore?
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340. Well, they're making a
very controversial gravy
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341. on the Recipe Channel.
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342. Honey, I'm home.
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343. Earl, what is that on your legs?
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344. Uh, they're called pants.
They're remarkably uncomfortable.
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345. The government said we're
supposed to wear them from now on.
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346. Why?
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347. - I have no idea.
- Grandma.
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348. I'm not gonna wear those things.
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349. Oh, you don't have
to. These are for you.
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350. They're called pantyhose.
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351. You wanna talk
about real torture?
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352. Grandma!
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353. This has all gone way too far.
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354. But it's what we have to do, if we want
to keep our kids from saying bad words.
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355. Believe me, it's related.
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356. - Grandma!
- What is it?
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357. Read me a story.
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358. Like I said, I'll read to you
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359. when you stop saying that word.
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360. Um...
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361. OK!
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362. - Just like that?
- Just like that.
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363. - Why?
- My grandma better.
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364. See? You don't have to
make a federal case out of it.
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365. Give me the book, kid.
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366. - We're back in business.
- Yay!
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367. "Now Fluffy, the
cuddly, little lizard..."
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368. What just happened?
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369. Mom figured maybe the best way
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370. to solve a family problem
is to handle it at home.
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371. I guess you think she was right.
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372. - Don't you?
- Oh, all right, yes.
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373. I guess, maybe, I overreacted
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374. when I had the government
abolish all our personal freedoms
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375. just to stop our kid
from saying dirty words.
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376. Well, instead of asking the
government to be the parents for us,
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377. maybe we should
just grit our teeth
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378. and put in the hours with
our children ourselves.
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379. But we don't have to anymore.
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380. Now we can just sit
them in front of the TV.
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381. - It's all cleaned up.
- But what's he
getting out of TV?
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382. Um... nothing bad.
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383. But nothing as good as
spending time with his father.
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384. "Fluffy was still very wise."
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385. But it's just such hard
work being a parent.
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386. Can't society do it for me?
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387. You like wearing those pants?
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388. OK, Ethyl, hand over the book.
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389. Yeah!
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