1. - Package for Mr. Litvac.
- Thanks.Copy !req
2. - Yay!
- Honey, I'm...Copy !req
3. D'oh! Jeez.Copy !req
4. Home, back from another
soul-sucking day at work.Copy !req
5. Jeez.Copy !req
6. Gimme juice! Now!Copy !req
7. - Hey, I'm not your slave.
- Aw.Copy !req
8. Where is Fran,
anyway? It's dinnertime.Copy !req
9. Dad, we need to talk to you.Copy !req
10. - It's about Mom.
- And it's serious.Copy !req
11. Did something happen to her?Copy !req
12. Something that would get
in the way of my being fed?Copy !req
13. No. I think she's having some
sort of an emotional crisis.Copy !req
14. - Yeah.
- So...Copy !req
15. She hasn't even
started dinner yet?Copy !req
16. She's moping around.Copy !req
17. - I think
she's real unhappy.
- Yeah.Copy !req
18. I'm unhappy. It's part of
being a parent, the large part.Copy !req
19. No, she says she can't talk
to you about her problemsCopy !req
20. because you
always belittle them.Copy !req
21. Her silly little problems?Copy !req
22. Dad, something's
definitely wrong.Copy !req
23. I think Mom just doesn't
like being a mom anymore.Copy !req
24. Look, we all have our rough
days, our little rough patches,Copy !req
25. but believe me, your mother
gets a lot of satisfactionCopy !req
26. in her role as wife and mother.Copy !req
27. I hate my life. I hate my life.Copy !req
28. I hate my life. I hate my life.Copy !req
29. Of course, some days are
more satisfying than others.Copy !req
30. And today in sports action...Copy !req
31. Desmond, I'm pregnant.Copy !req
32. I'm cleaning my oven.Copy !req
33. We pass the savings to you.Copy !req
34. With the help of the Lord...Copy !req
35. Fran, you're getting
pretty good at that thing.Copy !req
36. Uh...Copy !req
37. Something's bothering
you, isn't it, dear?Copy !req
38. I can't take it anymore, Earl.Copy !req
39. I love our kids, but every
day all I do is fix their meals,Copy !req
40. drive them here, pick them up there,
do their laundry, clean their rooms...Copy !req
41. Hey, hey, hey. I understand.Copy !req
42. You're feeling cut off.Copy !req
43. You just need to connect
with the outside world.Copy !req
44. - Yes.
- Yeah.Copy !req
45. You're longing for the
sound of adult voices.Copy !req
46. - Yes!
- Yeah.Copy !req
47. You need a radio
in the laundry room.Copy !req
48. Sure, a little music while
you wash my clothes.Copy !req
49. Wouldn't that make all
the difference in the world?Copy !req
50. A radio in the laundry room?
You think that's what I want?Copy !req
51. Not anymore.Copy !req
52. Earl, I need a job!Copy !req
53. But, Frannie, you've
got a job right here.Copy !req
54. Well, I quit!Copy !req
55. Honey, I'm home.Copy !req
56. Aaah!Copy !req
57. - Ohh!
- Ow!Copy !req
58. - Ow!
- Ooh!Copy !req
59. Aah!Copy !req
60. - OK, that's lunch!
- All right.Copy !req
61. Oh, so Fran wants a
job? What kind of job?Copy !req
62. Oh, she went for an interview
with this social services clinicCopy !req
63. that helps amphibians adjust
back to their new life on land.Copy !req
64. Ahh.Copy !req
65. It's a halfway house.Copy !req
66. Gee, if they really wanna help,Copy !req
67. shouldn't they give
'em a whole house?Copy !req
68. Ahh. Well, doesn't sound like
they thought it through to me.Copy !req
69. The worst part about it is it's a
volunteer job. She doesn't make a dime.Copy !req
70. Oh, I just don't
get this at all.Copy !req
71. She says it's not about money,
it's about personal fulfillment.Copy !req
72. A-ha! She's never had
a job before, has she?Copy !req
73. Hey, guys, what's up?Copy !req
74. Earl's wife is up for a
job at half of a houseCopy !req
75. and it doesn't pay anything.Copy !req
76. Interesting concept. Why don't you
get her to hold out for next to nothing?Copy !req
77. - Yeah, I got that one.
- Hey...Copy !req
78. Guys, I got a real problem here.Copy !req
79. If I don't let Fran take this job
she's gonna make my life miserable.Copy !req
80. If she does take it, then I'll have to
hire somebody to look after the baby.Copy !req
81. And that's gonna cost me.Copy !req
82. You'll have to spring
for a babysitter.Copy !req
83. Are you completely nuts?Copy !req
84. Do you realize it would take all
the money I use on beer, bowlingCopy !req
85. and pay-per-view wrestling just
to give Fran a more fulfilling life?Copy !req
86. I don't know what
I was thinking.Copy !req
87. Wait a minute.Copy !req
88. I've got your solution.Copy !req
89. If you took the night shift hereCopy !req
90. then you could be home
during the day with the kids.Copy !req
91. What?Copy !req
92. Oh, boy, that's good. Me
spend all day with the kids!Copy !req
93. I'm serious.Copy !req
94. You're out of your mind.Copy !req
95. Yeah, out of my mind
like a fox. Don't you see?Copy !req
96. After one week away
from her precious children,Copy !req
97. Fran will miss them so muchCopy !req
98. she'll drop that job and
come running home.Copy !req
99. Oh. But wait, so I'm just
pretending to be supportive,Copy !req
100. when in fact I'm manipulating Fran
in the most cynical way possible?Copy !req
101. Yeah.Copy !req
102. I like it.Copy !req
103. Here, honey, I got
your lunch all packed.Copy !req
104. Better get going. You don't wanna
be late for your first day in fish land.Copy !req
105. Now, here's a list of
everything that needs doing.Copy !req
106. I wrote my work number down
on top if you have any questions.Copy !req
107. There's only one
question on my mind.Copy !req
108. Is Fran happy?Copy !req
109. Earl, you're being so sweet.
It's making it hard for me to leave.Copy !req
110. - Mama?
- Hmm?Copy !req
111. - Where you going?
- To my new job.Copy !req
112. Now, we talked
about this, remember?Copy !req
113. Mommy needs time
outside the houseCopy !req
114. so she can be a better
mommy inside the house.Copy !req
115. What's in it for me?Copy !req
116. You get to spend the
whole day with your daddy.Copy !req
117. What's in it for me?Copy !req
118. Uh... Well, when I get home we'll
spend the whole evening together.Copy !req
119. We'll have lots to talk about.Copy !req
120. Talk is cheap! Bring me a toy!Copy !req
121. Oh, you sweet thing. I'm
gonna miss you so much.Copy !req
122. - Oh, yes!
- Aww.Copy !req
123. You have a great
day. I'll be back at six.Copy !req
124. Fran, don't you worry about a
thing. I've got it all under control.Copy !req
125. Earl... Bye.Copy !req
126. Bye.Copy !req
127. OK, nap time.Copy !req
128. I'm not tired!Copy !req
129. Who's talking about you?Copy !req
130. If I work the night shift
tonight I'll need some shuteye.Copy !req
131. I'm hungry! Give me breakfast!Copy !req
132. All right, you want breakfast?
Here's your breakfast.Copy !req
133. Gotta be some vitamins
in that. Make it last.Copy !req
134. Olives?Copy !req
135. Uh, now, Dad, since
you're Mom now,Copy !req
136. you've gotta pick up my cheerleading
uniform from the dry cleaner.Copy !req
137. Of course I do.Copy !req
138. It's really important.Copy !req
139. To you. It's important to you.Copy !req
140. But, funny enough, to me,
it holds almost no interest.Copy !req
141. Oh. Hey, Dad, listen.Copy !req
142. Don't forget the junior
class bake sale tomorrow.Copy !req
143. Uh, you're supposed to make
six-dozen marshmallow fudge squares.Copy !req
144. Um, I'll tell you what, son.Copy !req
145. Why don't you just add that to
the list your mother gave me...Copy !req
146. and after school, you
can do these things.Copy !req
147. Oh, and do 'em quietly,
'cause I'll be sleeping.Copy !req
148. He's better at this
than I thought he'd be.Copy !req
149. Yeah.Copy !req
150. Can I have more chocolate
cake, please, Mommy?Copy !req
151. - A big one. A big one.
- Hey, Dad, um...Copy !req
152. - Bigger. Bigger...
- Wake up.Copy !req
153. - Dad! Hey,
it's almost dinner time.
- Wha...?Copy !req
154. Oh. Right. Uh...Copy !req
155. Did you get all those
things taken care of?Copy !req
156. - No.
- Why not?Copy !req
157. I lost the list.Copy !req
158. Oh! How could you
be so irresponsible?Copy !req
159. - I'm a teenager.
- Oh, jeez. You're right.Copy !req
160. Um... OK, what time is it?Copy !req
161. - Um... 5:30.
- What?Copy !req
162. Oh, boy. Uh... All
right, well, if we, uh...Copy !req
163. split the things on the list,
we should get everything done.Copy !req
164. - What do you say?
- Uh... Good luck, Dad.Copy !req
165. Wha...?Copy !req
166. Ooh.Copy !req
167. Oh! Oh...Copy !req
168. Dinner's coming right up.Copy !req
169. Honey, I'm home.Copy !req
170. Oh, welcome home, Frannie.Copy !req
171. Oh, what a wonderful day it
was here at the Sinclair house.Copy !req
172. A day full of adorable
kids doing memorable,Copy !req
173. unforgettable things
they've never done beforeCopy !req
174. that I'll remember
for the rest of my life,Copy !req
175. but... you missed.Copy !req
176. Oh, and I bet you
were the most adorable.Copy !req
177. I missed you.Copy !req
178. - These aren't for you.
- No kidding.Copy !req
179. How'd he get these?Copy !req
180. Oh, another delightful moment
that, tragically, you were absent for.Copy !req
181. But enough about
this happy household.Copy !req
182. How was your day at work,
away from your wonderful children?Copy !req
183. Earl, the staff at the
clinic are just terrific.Copy !req
184. - Ah...
- They really seem
to like me.Copy !req
185. And ever since low tide, they've
just been swamped with patients.Copy !req
186. - So guess what.
- You wanna
come back home.Copy !req
187. No.Copy !req
188. They've asked me
to stay on full time.Copy !req
189. They think they're going to
need me for at least six months.Copy !req
190. Jeez! Six... months?Copy !req
191. Maybe more. I
have to tell the kids.Copy !req
192. Robbie! Charlene! Great news!Copy !req
193. Six months! With you?Copy !req
194. Six months... with you?Copy !req
195. Now, I know it's a little
awkward your first time.Copy !req
196. But don't be nervous. Just
tell everyone your name.Copy !req
197. Uh... Hi, I'm Tad.Copy !req
198. Hello, Tad.Copy !req
199. Hi. And I've been on
land for th-th-th-three days.Copy !req
200. Oh.Copy !req
201. - And how's it going so far?
- Oh, it's been rough.Copy !req
202. All I can think about is...Copy !req
203. getting back into
that cool, wet water.Copy !req
204. - Tad. Tad,
remember our motto.
- What?Copy !req
205. - "One breath at a time."
- Oh, I can't.Copy !req
206. Now you told me you
had a job interview.Copy !req
207. - Oh, yeah.
- How'd that go?Copy !req
208. Job? All I can do is crawl on
my belly and wriggle under rocks.Copy !req
209. What does that qualify me for?Copy !req
210. Sounds to me like you'd
make a pretty good lawyer.Copy !req
211. - Yeah, take the bar exam.
- Yeah, go for it.Copy !req
212. Remember, Tad, you've got
to slither before you can crawl.Copy !req
213. Well, that's about all the
time we have for today.Copy !req
214. But before we close,
let's all join togetherCopy !req
215. and share in the strength
of our commitment.Copy !req
216. - Oh, all right.
- Good idea.Copy !req
217. Oh, grant me the serenityCopy !req
218. to accept water
only as a beverage,Copy !req
219. and the courage to
breathe the air around me,Copy !req
220. and the wisdom to
know the difference.Copy !req
221. "Take the night
shift," you said.Copy !req
222. "She'll miss the kids and
be home in a week," you said.Copy !req
223. Well, what do you
say now, smart guy?Copy !req
224. Ah, save your pathetic excuses.Copy !req
225. You ruined my life!Copy !req
226. Well, cutting off my air supply
isn't gonna solve anything.Copy !req
227. Oh, no? How about if
I hit you with a stick?Copy !req
228. Uh, then I guess I have to go
with cutting off the air supply.Copy !req
229. Oh, Roy.Copy !req
230. If I have to stay home
much longer with the kids,Copy !req
231. I'll end up having a full-scale
relationship with them.Copy !req
232. I've spent almost 20
years avoiding that.Copy !req
233. That's it!Copy !req
234. That's exactly
what you gotta do.Copy !req
235. - What?
- You get the kids
to bond with you.Copy !req
236. Hey, hey, hey. If I wanted to
bond with my kids, I'd be a mother.Copy !req
237. - Ah.
- I'm a father.Copy !req
238. It's my job to remain remote
and distant at all times.Copy !req
239. What you're saying
goes against nature.Copy !req
240. That's the point.Copy !req
241. If Fran sees the kids getting closer
to you, she's gonna get jealous.Copy !req
242. No mother'd just sit by
and let a father replace her.Copy !req
243. Her mommy hormones are gonna
kick in and she'll come running home.Copy !req
244. Oh, I don't know.Copy !req
245. - It sounds good...
- Yeah.Copy !req
246. But your last plan was
a complete disaster.Copy !req
247. Exactly.Copy !req
248. What are the odds of me coming up
with two complete disasters in a row?Copy !req
249. Yeah.Copy !req
250. Yeah.Copy !req
251. Um, son.Copy !req
252. - Yeah, I'll go
somewhere else.
- Uh, no, no. No, no.Copy !req
253. Um... You know, I
was just thinking...Copy !req
254. When was the last time I sat down
and listened to my son play his guitar?Copy !req
255. Never.Copy !req
256. That long.Copy !req
257. Well, I guess you've learned
a few new songs since then.Copy !req
258. How about playing
one for your old dad?Copy !req
259. Uh, OK. OK, um...Copy !req
260. - Oh, is this your
little ampli-thingy?
- Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
261. Let me listen.Copy !req
262. This... This is
one I wrote for...Copy !req
263. a pretty girl I always liked...Copy !req
264. but who never
knew I was around...Copy !req
265. until I played this song.Copy !req
266. Ah. So, what'd you think?Copy !req
267. Huh?Copy !req
268. Nope, not happy.Copy !req
269. Nope, still not happy. Huh.Copy !req
270. Something bothering you?Copy !req
271. - How'd you know?
- Uh, well...Copy !req
272. Would it help if you and I
had a little heart to heart talk?Copy !req
273. Whoa! Whoa, are you all right?Copy !req
274. Yeah. I'm sorry. You just
caught me by surprise.Copy !req
275. - Whoo. Ha.
- So, I'm here for you.Copy !req
276. Let's rap.Copy !req
277. Oh, uh... Ha! Well...Copy !req
278. I hope you don't think
this is, uh, too trivial, but...Copy !req
279. I just bought this new sweater and I
don't have anything that goes with it.Copy !req
280. That's not... trivial.Copy !req
281. But, there may be a way
to put together an ensemble,Copy !req
282. if... we go through
my entire wardrobe.Copy !req
283. Gee, I just can't wait.Copy !req
284. Now, these earrings go
perfect with the sweater.Copy !req
285. - But, they don't
match the purse.
- No.Copy !req
286. So, we change the purse. Ha.
Then, the earrings don't match.Copy !req
287. Problem. So, we
turn the purse around,Copy !req
288. - And... we wear a scarf. Ha.
- Oh.Copy !req
289. - Instead of - the earrings? No...
- OK,Copy !req
290. she's been talking
continuously for an hour now,Copy !req
291. so she's gotta wear out soon.Copy !req
292. Smile like you're
paying attention.Copy !req
293. - Not chic. Unless we...
- That's it. Good. Good.Copy !req
294. Eyelids up. Eyelids up!
You're starting to lose it.Copy !req
295. OK, now nod the
head... Nod the head!Copy !req
296. - Whoop.
- Huh?Copy !req
297. Oh... So... Oh, this
purse and this scarf.Copy !req
298. You know, you're right. Ha!
That really is the best bet.Copy !req
299. Oh, thanks a lot, Dad!Copy !req
300. You've really
been a big help. Ha.Copy !req
301. What a great
conversation. That was neat.Copy !req
302. I never knew he
was interested in...Copy !req
303. - OK, kiddo. It's just you and me.
- Yeah.Copy !req
304. - What do you wanna do?
- TV!Copy !req
305. - Oh! Ho, ho. No problemo.
- Yay!Copy !req
306. If I can make a
viewing suggestion,Copy !req
307. there's a wonderful game
of football coming up.Copy !req
308. I wanna see The
Little Underwater Girl.Copy !req
309. But, sweetheart, we've watched
that tape a hundred times.Copy !req
310. I wanna see The
Little Underwater Girl!Copy !req
311. - OK. If it's
what you want...
- Yeah.Copy !req
312. Then it's what I want.Copy !req
313. Yay!Copy !req
314. Again!Copy !req
315. Dad!Copy !req
316. Oh, jeez! Your mother's
gonna be back any minute.Copy !req
317. - I better get
these potatoes on.
- Oh, don't worry, Dad.Copy !req
318. I already cooked dinner
and Robbie set the table.Copy !req
319. And I didn't bother
anybody for a whole hour.Copy !req
320. - Really?
- Dad,Copy !req
321. we all saw how hard
you worked todayCopy !req
322. and we wanted to do
something special for you.Copy !req
323. Wow! That's great!
How about that?Copy !req
324. There's all this
cooperation, all this caring.Copy !req
325. We're like a cooperating,
caring unit of some kind.Copy !req
326. - Like a family?
- Yeah, like on TV.Copy !req
327. Yeah.Copy !req
328. Hey, look at these potatoes.
Well done, Charlene.Copy !req
329. - Oh, thanks.
- Here we go.Copy !req
330. - Ready for dinner?
- Pass that to Robbie.Copy !req
331. That's for you, sweetheart.Copy !req
332. - Smells good.
- There you go.Copy !req
333. - Mama!
- Huh?Copy !req
334. Mom, what's wrong?Copy !req
335. Kids, eat your dinner. Your
mother and I have to talk.Copy !req
336. It's all right, dear.Copy !req
337. I know that what you just saw
in there had to be a shock to you.Copy !req
338. I didn't mean to become the
exclusive object of their adoration, but,Copy !req
339. - well, there you have it.
- Oh, Earl.Copy !req
340. I never thought I'd see
you and the kids so...Copy !req
341. - so together.
- Yeah, mmm.Copy !req
342. It's the most wonderful
thing I've ever seen.Copy !req
343. Huh?Copy !req
344. I thought going to work
would be difficult for the kids,Copy !req
345. but you've more than
picked up the slack.Copy !req
346. Now I can go to work
and not even worry.Copy !req
347. Well, worry, Fran. I've taken
your children's love from you.Copy !req
348. And now you wanna quit your
job, come home, and win 'em back.Copy !req
349. Earl, it's beginning to sound a little
like you don't want me to have this job.Copy !req
350. Bingo!Copy !req
351. Jeez. The only reason
I let you take this job isCopy !req
352. I was sure you'd miss the
kids and come crying home.Copy !req
353. You mean this whole
thing was just a scheme?Copy !req
354. Roy's scheme. All his idea.Copy !req
355. Well, if that was your
plan, you can forget it.Copy !req
356. I like this job and
I intend to keep it.Copy !req
357. But... But, Fran, please.Copy !req
358. You don't know what
this is doing to me.Copy !req
359. Working nights and looking
after the kids during the day.Copy !req
360. Male dinosaurs just aren't
cut out for this sort of thing.Copy !req
361. It... It's breaking me, Fran.Copy !req
362. I... I...Copy !req
363. I know it's hard being home.Copy !req
364. That's why I needed to get away.Copy !req
365. But I like what I'm doing
and I don't want to give it up.Copy !req
366. Can't we compromise?Copy !req
367. Can't you just give up your
job and come home forever?Copy !req
368. - That's not a compromise.
- OK. OK, uh...Copy !req
369. You stay at work, but I'll
go back to the day shift,Copy !req
370. and... we'll hire a babysitter.Copy !req
371. - Where do we get
the money for that?
- Easy.Copy !req
372. I'll cut back on my
bowling and beer.Copy !req
373. And no more
pay-per-view wrestling.Copy !req
374. There's your money.
Take it, all of it.Copy !req
375. Please!Copy !req
376. You're willing to
give up all that?Copy !req
377. I'm begging you.Copy !req
378. So, your mother and I sat
down calmly and rationally,Copy !req
379. and worked out a compromise
that works for everybody.Copy !req
380. - You caved?
- You betcha.Copy !req
381. - Mama stay home?
- No, I'll still
be working.Copy !req
382. But I won't be gone
quite so long from now on.Copy !req
383. You gonna stay home?Copy !req
384. No, but I'll be back tonight.Copy !req
385. Sing Under the Water?Copy !req
386. Yeah, we'll sing
Under the Water.Copy !req
387. Hug.Copy !req
388. OK.Copy !req
389. Bye, little guy. Be good.Copy !req
390. Bye... Daddy.Copy !req
391. You called me...Copy !req
392. Daddy?Copy !req
393. Huh.Copy !req
394. Whoa! Unhand
that child, pally-boy.Copy !req
395. You're not Mr. Mom anymore.Copy !req
396. The day shift awaits you.Copy !req
397. Bye.Copy !req
398. Bye.Copy !req
399. - Bye.
- Bye.Copy !req
400. - Bye.
- Bye.Copy !req
401. - Ah, thanks.
- Oh, Mom, listen. You'll like this.Copy !req
402. I wrote a new song today.Copy !req
403. - You did?
- I'll play it
for you later.Copy !req
404. See there, pally-boy. Did I
have Fran pegged or what?Copy !req
405. Once you're home with the kidsCopy !req
406. it's hard to leave 'em.Copy !req
407. Ah, the plan
worked like a charm.Copy !req
408. - Did you hear
what he called me?
- I'm sure it was a doozy.Copy !req
409. But you're out of there now.
Come on, let's get back to work.Copy !req