1. I don't wanna go.Copy !req
2. - You have to go.
- It's just a stupid
camping trip.Copy !req
3. It's the great hunt.Copy !req
4. Nobody hunts anything.
What's the point?Copy !req
5. The point is it's a profound
and sacred traditionCopy !req
6. where all male dinosaurs
connect with their primitive pastCopy !req
7. and celebrate their
primal savagery.Copy !req
8. Dehydrated beef stroganoff?Copy !req
9. Sacred dehydrated
beef stroganoff.Copy !req
10. Face it, Dad,
we're civilized now.Copy !req
11. We gave up all that primitive
savage stuff a long time ago.Copy !req
12. It's all just a lame
excuse for a camping trip.Copy !req
13. It's a sacred ritual and it's
even more sacreder this yearCopy !req
14. because your father has been
selected by his tribal brethrenCopy !req
15. to play the part of the fierce
and awesome warrior chief.Copy !req
16. Here's your sweater, chief.Copy !req
17. I clipped on your mittens so
you won't lose them this time.Copy !req
18. Oh, thanks. Hey, Fran, you
appreciate family traditions.Copy !req
19. Would you please
explain to your son hereCopy !req
20. - the significance
of the great hunt?
- Well, as I understand it...Copy !req
21. It's a camping trip.Copy !req
22. Forget all of you.Copy !req
23. It's a sublime and
beautiful experienceCopy !req
24. only a fellow male
can appreciate.Copy !req
25. Hey, road trip.Copy !req
26. Hail, fellow warrior.Copy !req
27. - Roar!
- Roar!Copy !req
28. Roar, roar, roar!Copy !req
29. Are the other warriors
ready to head out?Copy !req
30. Oh, just as soon as Sid gets
here with the de-humidifier.Copy !req
31. - Oogety-boogety.
- Boo.Copy !req
32. La, la, la. He's all yours.Copy !req
33. Mindy invited me
over for the weekend.Copy !req
34. - I am outta here. Ha!
- Oh, Charlene,Copy !req
35. are you sure you
wouldn't rather stay here?Copy !req
36. Monica and Lena are coming
over. It'll be just us girls.Copy !req
37. Gee, Mom, it sounds great, but
it might be actually too much funCopy !req
38. and the rest of my life would
be just a big letdown. Bye.Copy !req
39. On my way. Oh, uh, bye,
Dad. Have a fun camping trip.Copy !req
40. - Sacred ritual.
- Whatever.Copy !req
41. Well, sweetheart, are you
all excited about your trip?Copy !req
42. Yeah. Wanna go hunting.Copy !req
43. Well, at least one of my sons
isn't afraid of being a male.Copy !req
44. Oh, gimme a break.Copy !req
45. Got your duffel bag all packed?Copy !req
46. Yeah. Where's Mama's duffel bag?Copy !req
47. - Mama's not going.
- Mama's not going?Copy !req
48. Hey, little guy, we're
gonna have a great time.Copy !req
49. Don't let him take me! Mama!Copy !req
50. Earl, don't be too
rough. He's just a baby.Copy !req
51. Now don't worry, Frannie.Copy !req
52. He leaves here a sensitive,
carefree, uninhibited soul.Copy !req
53. But he'll come
back a male. Ahh...Copy !req
54. Mama! Don't wanna be a
male! Don't let him take me!Copy !req
55. Don't let him take me!Copy !req
56. Are they gone?Copy !req
57. Yes.Copy !req
58. All right. I'm
taking off my girdle.Copy !req
59. Stand back.Copy !req
60. Oh... no...Copy !req
61. Honey, I'm home.Copy !req
62. Aaah!Copy !req
63. - Ohh!
- Ow!Copy !req
64. - Ow!
- Ooh!Copy !req
65. Aah!Copy !req
66. Yeah. Hey, I think this
is the sacred ritual spot.Copy !req
67. Oh, yeah. It doesn't get
any more sacred than this.Copy !req
68. - You betcha.
- Hey, hey.Copy !req
69. Yep, love it.Copy !req
70. Well then, as warrior chief,Copy !req
71. I say we begin part one of
the ancient ceremony right now.Copy !req
72. Beer break!Copy !req
73. Yes!Copy !req
74. - Where's the cooler?
- Oh, Robbie!Copy !req
75. Uh, which part of the
ceremony is this, Dad?Copy !req
76. The ancient rite of making
the son carry all your gear?Copy !req
77. No.Copy !req
78. This is the ancient riteCopy !req
79. of making the son stay
far behind the others,Copy !req
80. so we don't have to
listen to his whining.Copy !req
81. That's funny.Copy !req
82. You know, guys, it doesn't
get any better than this.Copy !req
83. Out here with my best buds in the
bosom of nature, I feel totally at home.Copy !req
84. I'm with ya there.Copy !req
85. Out here I feel
comfortable enoughCopy !req
86. to express my true
aggressive nature.Copy !req
87. - Spi... spi...
- What?Copy !req
88. Spi... spi... spi...
spi... spi... spi...Copy !req
89. Spider!Copy !req
90. Get it off! Get
it off! Get it off!Copy !req
91. Get it off! Get it off!
Get it off! Get it off!Copy !req
92. Yo, guys!Copy !req
93. I think the ferocious
garden spider's gone now.Copy !req
94. You warriors can relax.Copy !req
95. - Close one there, Earl. Jeez.
- Yeah.Copy !req
96. You know, it's
true what they say.Copy !req
97. A brush with one's own
mortality changes a guy.Copy !req
98. I feel strangely calm now,Copy !req
99. with an... awakened deep
inner longing for life. Hmm...Copy !req
100. - I could go for a beer too.
- Whoa!Copy !req
101. Tall frosty boy
comin' right at ya.Copy !req
102. Whoop. This isn't beer.Copy !req
103. This is coffee!Copy !req
104. - Huh?
- What?Copy !req
105. International coffee.
We can't drink this.Copy !req
106. Where's the beer?Copy !req
107. How'd all this beer get in here?Copy !req
108. Why ask why?Copy !req
109. Mother?Copy !req
110. The universe acts in mysterious
and wonderful ways, Fran.Copy !req
111. And so do I. Toss me a cold one.Copy !req
112. Oh, gosh, I haven't
had a beer in a long time.Copy !req
113. What do ya say,
Fran? Let's split one.Copy !req
114. - Well, I suppose
I could have a sip.
- Yeah.Copy !req
115. Just to unwind.Copy !req
116. - Lena?
- Oh, uh,Copy !req
117. Sid doesn't like
it if I drink beer.Copy !req
118. He says it's, um, unladylike.Copy !req
119. When Sid knows what it's like to
lay an egg twice the size of your head,Copy !req
120. then let him tell ya
about what's ladylike.Copy !req
121. Beer me, Fran.Copy !req
122. - All right. Places, everyone.
- Yeah.Copy !req
123. Now, do we have
all our warriors?Copy !req
124. - Yep.
- Ready.Copy !req
125. Do we have our
ferocious, scary beast?Copy !req
126. - Yeah. Can
somebody zip me up?
- Sure.Copy !req
127. And warrior Robbie, are you ready to
read from the great book of the legend?Copy !req
128. Yeah, fine. Anything to get
through this ridiculous waste of time.Copy !req
129. That's the spirit.Copy !req
130. And now let the
great hunt begin.Copy !req
131. - Yeah.
- Cue.Copy !req
132. Uh, "long ago, when
the earth was youngCopy !req
133. and great dinosaurs roamed
the land in savage packs...Copy !req
134. there lived a most fierce
and awesome warrior."Copy !req
135. Duh, I am Earl, a most
fierce and awesome warrior.Copy !req
136. Uh-huh, OK. Uh...Copy !req
137. "One day this mighty warrior and
his slightly less mighty warrior friendsCopy !req
138. - heard the distant
pounding of drums."
- Hark!Copy !req
139. Boom, boom, boom...
Boom, boom, boom...Copy !req
140. "This could mean but one thing:Copy !req
141. headed their way was the most
vicious and merciless creatureCopy !req
142. ever to walk the earth,Copy !req
143. the beast with eyes of
fire and teeth of stone."Copy !req
144. Roar. Roar. Fear me
and cower in terror.Copy !req
145. - Oh. Sheesh.
- Not yet.Copy !req
146. Oh, sorry.Copy !req
147. Uh, "The female dinosaurs
heard the drums tooCopy !req
148. and as they are wont to
do in this kind of situation,Copy !req
149. completely lost their heads in
flighty hormonal fits of hysteria."Copy !req
150. Oh, please.Copy !req
151. Where is a male to rescue me?Copy !req
152. I am helpless without a male.Copy !req
153. "But the males were rocks
of courage and fortitude.Copy !req
154. - They took up
their pointy sticks...
- Stick for you and for you.Copy !req
155. And headed off
into the wildernessCopy !req
156. to face the vicious beast
with its horrible roar."Copy !req
157. Oh, pardon me.Copy !req
158. I don't think I've
ever felt so relaxed.Copy !req
159. Yeah. With the boys gone,
there's no one to pick up after.Copy !req
160. No laundry, no
diapers, no cooking.Copy !req
161. - I could get used to this.
- Yeah.Copy !req
162. Ah, sitting around like a lump,Copy !req
163. doing nothing,
thinking only of myself.Copy !req
164. It's just like being a guy.Copy !req
165. - What else do guys do?
- They scratch themselves.Copy !req
166. Well, I'm game.Copy !req
167. Oh.Copy !req
168. Ahh...Copy !req
169. That wasn't half bad. What else?Copy !req
170. Well, they eat salted
snacks and watch TV.Copy !req
171. - Well, all right.
- OK.Copy !req
172. What an exciting
first quarter of action:Copy !req
173. two teams going horn to horn in
what may be the oldest grudge matchCopy !req
174. - in professional football.
- Football, nah.Copy !req
175. Not so fast! Look
at those uniforms.Copy !req
176. Oh, what an
appealing color pallet.Copy !req
177. Forget the color. Look
how tight those pants are.Copy !req
178. - Ooh...
- Mm-hmm...Copy !req
179. "After days and days in the
deepest, darkest part of the forest,Copy !req
180. the great hunters
knew they were close.Copy !req
181. They could smell the stench of
the hideous beast thick in the air."Copy !req
182. Sorry, guys. Must have
been the sacred stroganoff.Copy !req
183. Roy! Sheesh.Copy !req
184. Well...Copy !req
185. "Suddenly, from
behind a wall of trees,Copy !req
186. the giant gruesome
beast emerged,Copy !req
187. greeting them with an
earth-shattering roar."Copy !req
188. Roar! Fear me and cower,
for I am vast and ferocious,Copy !req
189. like no beast you
have ever seen.Copy !req
190. Tremble in my terrible presence.Copy !req
191. "But the warriors were not afraid.
They bravely stood their ground."Copy !req
192. Roar. Hee hee.Copy !req
193. - Whoa!
- Wait a minute!Copy !req
194. A little too scary and
ferocious for you, huh?Copy !req
195. Roar.Copy !req
196. Nice costume.Copy !req
197. Ahh...Copy !req
198. - What's it doing now?
- Brace yourself, Sid.Copy !req
199. - What?
- He's going
for your gas grill.Copy !req
200. Not the grill!Copy !req
201. Oh, jeez! It was so young.
- I'm so sorry.Copy !req
202. Well, there it all goes.Copy !req
203. The food, the tents, the
barbecue grill, the electric blankets.Copy !req
204. Everything we brought is in
his stomach, and we're next.Copy !req
205. Hey, I saved the cooler.Copy !req
206. - Oh, well I spoke too soon.
- What?Copy !req
207. Looks like we won't
go hungry after all,Copy !req
208. because we've got coffee
from all over the world!Copy !req
209. Yeah, great goin', Gus.Copy !req
210. Now we'll be wide awake
when he chews our faces off!Copy !req
211. Hey, I didn't see you out there
fightin' for the pimento loaf.Copy !req
212. What do you want
from me? He's the chief.Copy !req
213. Me? Me? What are you talking
about? You were ahead of me!Copy !req
214. I didn't see you taking the
pointy stick and defending me.Copy !req
215. Ha! Huh?Copy !req
216. Oh!Copy !req
217. Peek-a-boo, I see you!Copy !req
218. Huh?Copy !req
219. - Uh, guys... guys.
- He's trying to get in!Copy !req
220. He's gonna eat us!Copy !req
221. - Feed it Roy! I'll get his hind end.
- Yeah, yeah...Copy !req
222. Huh? No, I don't like that idea.Copy !req
223. Wait a minute!
I've got beef jerky.Copy !req
224. - We'll feed him this.
- Good idea, son.Copy !req
225. Yeah.Copy !req
226. He'll be chewing
on that for a week.Copy !req
227. Great idea, son!Copy !req
228. Yeah, that's my boy!Copy !req
229. "Feed it Roy?"Copy !req
230. - Well... uh...
- Hey...Copy !req
231. takes the kick on
the five, the ten...Copy !req
232. - He breaks right! Up the sideline!
- Take him down!Copy !req
233. - Go for his knees!
- Kick him where it hurts!Copy !req
234. - He's going all the way!
- No... oh...Copy !req
235. - Touchdown!
- Oh, no!Copy !req
236. - You stink!
- Boo!Copy !req
237. Oh, no! They shot him!Copy !req
238. And that's the first half. We'll be
back right after these messages.Copy !req
239. Hey, there's a tractor
pull on Channel 49.Copy !req
240. No, no, no, no, no.
Switch back to wrestling.Copy !req
241. I wanna see the
guy in the tights.Copy !req
242. Yeah. Yeah!Copy !req
243. Hey, right, yeah...Copy !req
244. Baby got back! Whoa!Copy !req
245. Fatty roast beef with
lots of melted cheese.Copy !req
246. Oh, fresh coconut
squares hot from the oven.Copy !req
247. Gobs of cookie dough
straight out of the tube.Copy !req
248. - Chocolate brownies.
- Stop!Copy !req
249. I can't take it anymore.
It's been 18 hours!Copy !req
250. If I don't get something to eat
now, I'm really gonna lose it. I swear!Copy !req
251. Whatcha lookin' at, Uncle Sid?Copy !req
252. Hmm, oh, boy, fresh leg of lamb!Copy !req
253. - Sid! Sid, please!
- Get away from me!Copy !req
254. Hey!Copy !req
255. We didn't come out here into
the wilderness to fight each other.Copy !req
256. We came out here for
the great hunt, right?Copy !req
257. - Yeah.
- Well, now's our chance.Copy !req
258. There's a real beast out there.
I say we go hunt him down!Copy !req
259. - Yeah.
- Together, we can do it!Copy !req
260. All right!Copy !req
261. Let's show that towering mass
of death who owns this jungle!Copy !req
262. - Right!
- Yeah!Copy !req
263. - Well...
- Um...Copy !req
264. We were all with you, son,Copy !req
265. right up until the "towering
mass of death" part.Copy !req
266. - Hmm, what he said.
- We really
should do something.Copy !req
267. Yeah, but we
mustn't act in haste.Copy !req
268. - Ah.
- Wait. I suggest
that we have a meetingCopy !req
269. and discuss Robbie's
proposal at length.Copy !req
270. - Ah.
— Someone has to moderate.Copy !req
271. Yeah, and who's
gonna take the minutes?Copy !req
272. Oh! I will. Does anybody have
a pen? Oh, Robbie's got a pen.Copy !req
273. - Hey, Robbie, could I...?
- I can't write, so...Copy !req
274. Where'd he go?Copy !req
275. - Oh...
- Robbie?Copy !req
276. Robbie?Copy !req
277. Oh, my gosh!Copy !req
278. That brave, brave boy.Copy !req
279. Risking his life
to look for a pen.Copy !req
280. Try not to dwell
on it, pally boy.Copy !req
281. Don't think of that massive
multi-toothed monsterCopy !req
282. as he clutched your helpless sonCopy !req
283. and sucked the tender
meat off his bones.Copy !req
284. Aw, jeez, I'm
gettin' hungry again.Copy !req
285. - Rob?
- Dad!Copy !req
286. - I'm back
and I brought food!
- Huh?Copy !req
287. Oh, my son!Copy !req
288. It was amazing! There I
was, alone in the woodsCopy !req
289. with nothing but
my two bare hands.Copy !req
290. Yeah, fascinating. Uh, perhaps
if we talk about it over dinner?Copy !req
291. Wait. N-n-n-no! It was incredible.
I drew on my primitive instinctsCopy !req
292. and stalked it just
like our ancestors did.Copy !req
293. And then, when
there was no escape,Copy !req
294. I plunged my pointy stick
savagely into its heart,Copy !req
295. and at that moment I
knew I was a hunter!Copy !req
296. Do you know
what that feels like?Copy !req
297. - Duh...
- Well, uh...Copy !req
298. I hit something
driving to work once.Copy !req
299. I think it was a cat.Copy !req
300. Well, it was either him or me.Copy !req
301. Well, good story. We're all
proud of you, son. Let's eat.Copy !req
302. Yeah, food.Copy !req
303. What's for dessert?Copy !req
304. What? What?Copy !req
305. N-n-n-no, guys!
Guys! It's OK, really.Copy !req
306. Don't you see? Look, I went
out there, I hunted and killed.Copy !req
307. That hunter instinct
is alive in all of us.Copy !req
308. Together, we can
take on that beast!Copy !req
309. Um, no, we can't.Copy !req
310. Why? What's holding you back?Copy !req
311. - Fear.
- Fatigue.Copy !req
312. Low self-esteem.Copy !req
313. But isn't that why
we came out here?Copy !req
314. To rediscover the primitive
dinosaur within each of us?Copy !req
315. Gee, I don't know, son.Copy !req
316. We are dinosaurs and therefore there's
a primitive, brutal beast in each of us.Copy !req
317. And yet we're also civilizedCopy !req
318. and so we've all turned
into a big bunch of wussies.Copy !req
319. The duality of the
male experience.Copy !req
320. - Yeah.
- Wow.Copy !req
321. Robbie's just introduced a
heady concept to the group.Copy !req
322. - Hmm, yes.
- I feel a need to exploreCopy !req
323. - this emotional dichotomy.
- Yeah.Copy !req
324. We've got some
international coffees.Copy !req
325. Why don't I brew up a fresh pot?Copy !req
326. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
327. You know, I never took a close
look and examined the real...Copy !req
328. I just feel I don't have
the emotional toolsCopy !req
329. to really connect with
the "me" I wanna be.Copy !req
330. - I'm hearing you.
- Yeah.Copy !req
331. - We're connecting.
- Guys, I'd like to share.Copy !req
332. - Ah...
- Go ahead, Earl.Copy !req
333. I so much want to
be the wild beast,Copy !req
334. to roam the forest primeval
for months at a time...Copy !req
335. - Go on.
- And yet I'm torn.Copy !req
336. I can only program my
VCR two weeks in advance.Copy !req
337. Ahh.Copy !req
338. More mocha cream?Copy !req
339. No thanks, Sid.Copy !req
340. Uh, guys, there's
a monster outside.Copy !req
341. Robbie...Copy !req
342. Perhaps it's more importantCopy !req
343. that each of us grapple
with the monster in here.Copy !req
344. - Good point, Gus.
- Well said, Gus.Copy !req
345. You know, this is beautiful.Copy !req
346. We're all exploring our
feminine sides here and that's OK.Copy !req
347. Uh-huh.Copy !req
348. It's healthy to get in
touch with those qualitiesCopy !req
349. that make females the
sensitive, nurturing types they are.Copy !req
350. - Pull my finger.
- Oh, Mother, not again.Copy !req
351. Hey, Fran, toss me
another cold one.Copy !req
352. Here ya go.Copy !req
353. Good catch.Copy !req
354. - You know, I was just
thinking of Earl.
- Yeah.Copy !req
355. How he has that way of always
saying something absolutely idiotic,Copy !req
356. and I listen patiently,Copy !req
357. and I just want to
wring his chubby neck.Copy !req
358. Hmm.Copy !req
359. I think I'm starting
to miss the guy.Copy !req
360. - You know, Sid's
really stupid too.
- Yeah?Copy !req
361. As a matter of fact, the
only reason I married himCopy !req
362. is that he has a nice butt.Copy !req
363. I wonder what those
boneheads are doing right now.Copy !req
364. Probably prancing around buck-naked,
slapping each other with towels,Copy !req
365. and whooping like jungle beasts.Copy !req
366. Well...Copy !req
367. So what are we doin' here?Copy !req
368. Let's go get 'em, girls!Copy !req
369. Road trip!Copy !req
370. - Nice harmony.
- Thanks.Copy !req
371. - Oh, this is
a special time.
- Yeah.Copy !req
372. You know, I think back to
when we first came into this cave,Copy !req
373. and I'm almost
ashamed of my behavior.Copy !req
374. - Aww.
- Hey, none of that
talk here, fella.Copy !req
375. Oh, no, the monster's back!Copy !req
376. I'm afraid!Copy !req
377. We validate your fear!Copy !req
378. Yay! This is fun!Copy !req
379. Dad, I want you to know,Copy !req
380. even though we're about
to die, I'm glad I came along!Copy !req
381. I've learned a lot about myself
and what it means to be a male! Ahh!Copy !req
382. - Ahh!
- Me too, son!Copy !req
383. I've learned it takes a lot of courage
and strength to express your emotions.Copy !req
384. And I'd like to hug you, but...Copy !req
385. I'm paralyzed with fear!Copy !req
386. - There they are!
- Huh?Copy !req
387. - Found 'em.
- Mama!Copy !req
388. - Frannie!
- What happened
to the monster?Copy !req
389. - Monster?
- Huh?Copy !req
390. Oh, you mean the guy
that was in our way. Ahh.Copy !req
391. Monica took him down with her
tail. The rest of us finished him off.Copy !req
392. Yeah?Copy !req
393. Mom's out there
gutting him right now.Copy !req
394. But enough about him,
sugar, you know what I want.Copy !req
395. Fran, have you been drinking?Copy !req
396. You bet!Copy !req
397. I've got my beer goggles onCopy !req
398. and you are lookin' mighty fine.Copy !req
399. Now... now, now,
now, just hold on!Copy !req
400. You can't just turn me on
and off like a light switch.Copy !req
401. I'm coming from a very
vulnerable place right now.Copy !req
402. - Take off your shirt.
- Well, excuse me,Copy !req
403. but we are not going to be
reduced to pieces of meat.Copy !req
404. I demand that we be recognized
for the other things we have to offer.Copy !req
405. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
406. - All right, Earl,
I recognize you.
- Thank you.Copy !req
407. Now, there's a huge
dead beast out there.Copy !req
408. Why don't you take it home, clean
it, cook it, and get it on the table?Copy !req
409. And after dinner,Copy !req
410. how 'bout you make yourself
nice and pretty for Mama?Copy !req
411. - Let's go, Lena.
- Right.Copy !req
412. - See you at home, Earl.
— I'll wait up for you, Sid.Copy !req
413. Yeah, well, I
guess she told you.Copy !req
414. Oh, I don't know.Copy !req
415. Something tells me that
when I get home tonight,Copy !req
416. I might just have a headache.Copy !req
417. Huh?Copy !req
418. Oh.Copy !req