1. Honey, I'm home.Copy !req
2. Hey, looks like your champ's
in trouble here, pally boy.Copy !req
3. Ah, he's just getting warmed up.Copy !req
4. Come on. Bob and
weave. Weave and bob.Copy !req
5. Come on, champ. Use
your left! Use your left!Copy !req
6. Gentlemen, the champ is down.Copy !req
7. Oh! And the champ's
left arm is bitten off!Copy !req
8. A stunned silence
falls over this crowd.Copy !req
9. Use your right! Use your right!Copy !req
10. Yeah! Get him
while he's chewing.Copy !req
11. - Oh!
- Yay!Copy !req
12. - Try this dip.
- You got it, Uncle Roy.Copy !req
13. Another beer here!Copy !req
14. More juice!Copy !req
15. Here goes.Copy !req
16. Ew!Copy !req
17. Hey! Wait, wait.Copy !req
18. - Not bad.
- OK, my turn, my turn.Copy !req
19. OK, OK, OK.Copy !req
20. There you go, pal.Copy !req
21. All right, Son, you can do it.Copy !req
22. Come on, Junior.
Do it for Daddy.Copy !req
23. Well, maybe he'll
develop other interests.Copy !req
24. Oh yeah, like collecting
stamps or designing fall fashions.Copy !req
25. Come on, little guy. Don't
let me down. You can do it.Copy !req
26. Come on. I know
it's in there. Let it out.Copy !req
27. Let it happen.Copy !req
28. Hey, hey!Copy !req
29. Way to go, Son!Copy !req
30. Nice work at any age.Copy !req
31. Mom, are males born disgusting?Copy !req
32. That's the old
nature-nurture question.Copy !req
33. I believe they're bornCopy !req
34. somewhat disgusting
but need to spend yearsCopy !req
35. to fine tune it to a
sort of total grossness.Copy !req
36. Hey, Mom, there's a
brontosaurus lady next door.Copy !req
37. I wonder if she's
looking at that house.Copy !req
38. It's been on the
market for weeks.Copy !req
39. Well, she's coming this way.Copy !req
40. Oh, and she's an herbivore.Copy !req
41. I hope she doesn't
eat the top of the trees.Copy !req
42. The leaves are
coming in so nicely.Copy !req
43. Hello.Copy !req
44. Hi, honey.Copy !req
45. My goodness, look
at those earrings.Copy !req
46. I could never get away
with that, but you're youngCopy !req
47. and you can try different
things and I think that's great.Copy !req
48. - Is your mother home?
- Oh!Copy !req
49. Uh, I'm Charlene Sinclair.Copy !req
50. And I'm Fran Sinclair.Copy !req
51. Monica Devertebrae.Copy !req
52. I'm the real estate agent
selling the house next door.Copy !req
53. I'm not keeping
you from anything?Copy !req
54. Not at all. I just put
on a pot of coffee.Copy !req
55. Ooh! Beautiful kitchen.
Oh, I love dirt walls.Copy !req
56. They're just so
hard to keep clean.Copy !req
57. Cream? Sugar?Copy !req
58. - Straw.
- Oh.Copy !req
59. This is my first
listing in the area.Copy !req
60. I wanted to meet
some of the neighbors.Copy !req
61. There you go.Copy !req
62. Oh, thank you. Ahh.Copy !req
63. So, do you and your
husband live nearby?Copy !req
64. I don't have a husband.Copy !req
65. Oh, I'm sorry.Copy !req
66. - Tar pit?
- No. Divorced.Copy !req
67. - Divorced?
- Huh?Copy !req
68. What's that?Copy !req
69. It means we were
married, and now we're not.Copy !req
70. So, did he get eaten?Copy !req
71. I didn't renew my
marriage license.Copy !req
72. I didn't know you had to renew.Copy !req
73. Oh, sure. Every 20 years,
you have to send in forty bucks.Copy !req
74. I took a look at my marriage,
and it wasn't worth forty bucks.Copy !req
75. But why? Didn't your
husband buy you a houseCopy !req
76. or put food on the table or
protect you from predators?Copy !req
77. Yes, but there should
be more to marriage.Copy !req
78. He didn't care about things
that were important to me.Copy !req
79. Like remembering my
birthday, taking me out to dinnerCopy !req
80. or even sucking
parasites out of my ears.Copy !req
81. I mean, he knows
I can't hold a Q-tip.Copy !req
82. Oh, but he's just a male.Copy !req
83. I know. And that
bought him a lot of years.Copy !req
84. How can you possibly
survive on your own?Copy !req
85. You know, independence
sounds great,Copy !req
86. but personally I'd rather have
a guy sitting around ignoring meCopy !req
87. than go out and get a job.Copy !req
88. Now, Charlene, a single
female with a career of her ownCopy !req
89. may sound bizarre at first,Copy !req
90. but we all have to find
our own place in this world.Copy !req
91. You got a mop? Roy's burped
up something, and it's still moving.Copy !req
92. Earl, I'd like you
to meet Monica.Copy !req
93. She's the agent selling
the house next door.Copy !req
94. Oh, hi. Hey, we're gonna need
some more finger sandwiches.Copy !req
95. I've got them right here.Copy !req
96. Uh... So, your
husband's in real estate?Copy !req
97. No. I'm in real estate.Copy !req
98. It's nice that your husband lets
you help him around the office.Copy !req
99. So what do you do,
make him coffee?Copy !req
100. No. I don't make
coffee for my husbandCopy !req
101. because I don't have a husband.Copy !req
102. A big gal like you?Copy !req
103. Learn to make good coffee,
you'll snag a male in no time.Copy !req
104. - Earl! Try and stay with me.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
105. Monica doesn't have a husbandCopy !req
106. because she didn't
renew her marriage licenseCopy !req
107. because her husband
didn't pay attention to her.Copy !req
108. I bet it was the coffee.Copy !req
109. No. She just feels a
wife deserves respect.Copy !req
110. Yeah.Copy !req
111. Mmm-hm!Copy !req
112. Doh-ho!Copy !req
113. Hey, guys, you gotta
listen to this one!Copy !req
114. Franny. Franny, it's Thursday.Copy !req
115. Wake up, my little
love salamander.Copy !req
116. Earl, what do you
think of Monica?Copy !req
117. The male-hater?Copy !req
118. She is not! And you were
very rude to her this afternoon.Copy !req
119. Yes, you're right, Fran.
She's not a male-hater.Copy !req
120. In fact, she's a trailblazer,Copy !req
121. an inspiration to
somebody... somewhere.Copy !req
122. Come on, Franny. It's Thursday.Copy !req
123. So you think it's OK for a
female to be without a male?Copy !req
124. Not at this particular moment.Copy !req
125. I was talking about Monica.Copy !req
126. Will you just forget
about Monica?Copy !req
127. I think if she didn't want to
renew her marriage license,Copy !req
128. she must not have
been very happy.Copy !req
129. Happy? Happy? What does
happy have to do with marriage?Copy !req
130. Look at me. I'm married,
and I'm not happy.Copy !req
131. It's Thursday night.Copy !req
132. I'm supposed to be
happy, but I'm not.Copy !req
133. - You know whose fault that is?
- Mm.Copy !req
134. Monica, the marriage killer!Copy !req
135. And she's coming this
way, so lock your doors,Copy !req
136. hide your children!Copy !req
137. No more Thursday
nights for anybody!Copy !req
138. Jeez, I got such stress and
now there's no Thursday nights?Copy !req
139. Please, Earl...Copy !req
140. Marriage is the very institutionCopy !req
141. upon which stress
relief is based.Copy !req
142. Take that away, and
what have you got?Copy !req
143. You got stress all the time.Copy !req
144. Like right now. Is that
what you want, Fran?Copy !req
145. Hey, what's goin' on?Copy !req
146. Your mother's gone insane.Copy !req
147. We're talking about
the fact that MonicaCopy !req
148. didn't renew her
marriage license.Copy !req
149. I think that Monica is nuts.Copy !req
150. Hey! There's
Daddy's little girl.Copy !req
151. I think a female's
place is in the home,Copy !req
152. a well decorated home
in a nice part of town.Copy !req
153. See, Fran? The
kids agree with me.Copy !req
154. They know
instinctively what is right.Copy !req
155. Can I say something?Copy !req
156. No. 'Cause from you
nothing good ever comes.Copy !req
157. - I agree with Mom.
- No kidding.Copy !req
158. Jeez, look at this family, Fran.Copy !req
159. We can't even get a gender
war right. See? Stress!Copy !req
160. In a marriage, the happiness
of both dinosaurs is what counts.Copy !req
161. Let's face it, a marriage
license is just a piece of paper.Copy !req
162. Just a piece of paper?
Have you ever read it?Copy !req
163. No, but...Copy !req
164. Mister tradition-butcher,
it's about time you did.Copy !req
165. Because after you read just
a few of its inspiring passages,Copy !req
166. you won't be so quick to
mock the sacred documentCopy !req
167. which is always here
on the sacred bookshelf,Copy !req
168. somewhere in this
general sacred area.Copy !req
169. Earl, isn't it there?Copy !req
170. Well, it was, um...Copy !req
171. Where? Dah!Copy !req
172. Right... here.Copy !req
173. Here we go!Copy !req
174. You used it to level
the television set?Copy !req
175. - Sacred is as sacred does.
- Oh!Copy !req
176. This is the cornerstone
of our society.Copy !req
177. It's our security
in troubled times,Copy !req
178. it's the bond that holds
two dinosaurs together.Copy !req
179. It's expired.Copy !req
180. Are you sure you have
the right colored form?Copy !req
181. The sign said tangerine.
I don't eat tangerines.Copy !req
182. How am I supposed to
know what color they are?Copy !req
183. Why can't they have
meat-colored forms?Copy !req
184. All right, next!Copy !req
185. Hi. We're here to renew
our marriage license.Copy !req
186. Yeah, yeah. Social
Security number?Copy !req
187. Oh, uh... Zero, zero, zero,Copy !req
188. zero, zero, zero, zero...Copy !req
189. Mmm... One, eight.Copy !req
190. Yeah, yeah, let's see.
01-6, 1-7... Ah... 1-8.Copy !req
191. Earl Sinclair.Copy !req
192. Mrs. Sinclair? Please
step over there.Copy !req
193. - Oh.
- Bye, hon.Copy !req
194. OK, Mr. Sinclair, put your
hand over your left eye.Copy !req
195. Please tell me which one
of these females is your wife.Copy !req
196. - I can do that.
- Go ahead.Copy !req
197. Oh, it's one. Yeah.Copy !req
198. Oh, no, it's number two.Copy !req
199. No, it's definitely not three.Copy !req
200. Mmm...Copy !req
201. Uh...Copy !req
202. It's maybe...Copy !req
203. Is this a trick question?
Hey, where's 4?Copy !req
204. Franny, did you hurt your head?Copy !req
205. I got it down to two.Copy !req
206. Duh... Oh, gee,
this is tough. Er...Copy !req
207. Ow! Oh! Oof!Copy !req
208. That one.Copy !req
209. Very good. Yes. OK, let's
move to the written test.Copy !req
210. We'll send each of you
into a soundproof booth,Copy !req
211. where you'll write down
answers to personal questionsCopy !req
212. - about your relationship.
- Oh?Copy !req
213. Then we'll reunite our
couple and compare answers.Copy !req
214. Sounds like a game show.Copy !req
215. Please, Mr. Sinclair.Copy !req
216. - This is a government office.
- Oh, sorry.Copy !req
217. We don't play games here.Copy !req
218. All right, Earl,Copy !req
219. here's your first
ten-point question.Copy !req
220. On your wedding day,Copy !req
221. Fran wore something that held
great sentimental value to her.Copy !req
222. What was it?Copy !req
223. Deodorant, Bob.Copy !req
224. I'm sorry. Fran said...Copy !req
225. My mother's wedding dress.Copy !req
226. Oh... I was so close.Copy !req
227. OK. Next question, Earl.Copy !req
228. Earl, since you've been married,Copy !req
229. Fran has asked you to remember
only one matter of a romantic nature.Copy !req
230. What is it?Copy !req
231. Put the toilet seat down, Bob.Copy !req
232. Close, but Fran saidCopy !req
233. she wanted you to remember...Copy !req
234. Our anniversary.Copy !req
235. Earl, you said pudding snacksCopy !req
236. and Fran said...Copy !req
237. "The birth of our first child."Copy !req
238. Ooh! That's a clean
sweep there, Earl.Copy !req
239. You got all 20 questions wrong,Copy !req
240. and interestingly enough,Copy !req
241. when we look back at your
newlywed test 20 years ago,Copy !req
242. you got every question right.Copy !req
243. That's not fair. She was
really interesting back then.Copy !req
244. Sure she was. But so what?
I can't renew your license.Copy !req
245. Mad?Copy !req
246. Well, I'm packed,
I'm ready to move out.Copy !req
247. Ready to throw away
20 years of wedded bliss.Copy !req
248. If that's what
you think is best.Copy !req
249. We're not married, Earl.Copy !req
250. Technicality. It has nothing
to do with our relationshipCopy !req
251. and what we mean to each other.Copy !req
252. What's my middle name?Copy !req
253. I'm going.Copy !req
254. Earl, what about the kids?Copy !req
255. Whoa! I know that one.
It's Robbie, Charlene, and...Copy !req
256. Uh... Doh...Copy !req
257. Something has come upCopy !req
258. and we think you're both
mature enough to know the truth.Copy !req
259. Huh?Copy !req
260. Uh... I got to go to the market
and I have a very long list.Copy !req
261. - Earl!
- Dad!Copy !req
262. All right, all right.Copy !req
263. Your mother and I aren't
technically married anymoreCopy !req
264. and I'm gonna go stay at Roy's.Copy !req
265. We need to spend
a little time apartCopy !req
266. and I need to know
you kids are OK with this.Copy !req
267. I want therapy.Copy !req
268. We're from a broken home.Copy !req
269. Happy?Copy !req
270. Are you really gonna
leave us, Daddy?Copy !req
271. I wish I didn't
have to, little girl.Copy !req
272. I wish I could make
it all better, but I can't.Copy !req
273. This is one of those
moments in lifeCopy !req
274. that's just miserable and
rotten for every one of us.Copy !req
275. - Phew! Tough day, huh?
- Hey, Earl.Copy !req
276. Quittin' time, pally boy.Copy !req
277. Five o'clock, Roy. About
the time I'd be heading home,Copy !req
278. back when I had a home.Copy !req
279. Water under the
bridge, pally boy.Copy !req
280. Now it's party time.Copy !req
281. You and me, two
single guys on the prowl,Copy !req
282. hunting down females
with low self-esteem.Copy !req
283. Gee, Roy, I don't feel
much like prowling.Copy !req
284. Even if I did, I wouldn't
remember how.Copy !req
285. Aw! Piece of cake, Earl.Copy !req
286. I'll show you how it's done.Copy !req
287. Look, you be the
chick. I'll pick you up.Copy !req
288. I don't want to.Copy !req
289. Hey! Slow down
there, pally girl.Copy !req
290. You're way ahead of me.Copy !req
291. I haven't even
asked you out yet.Copy !req
292. Get away from me.Copy !req
293. Ho-ho-ho! A spirited filly.Copy !req
294. So, my lovely, tell
me about yourself.Copy !req
295. Well, the first thing you
should know is that I'm a guy!Copy !req
296. Isn't that interesting?
You don't say?Copy !req
297. Now, listen, this is crucial.Copy !req
298. You gotta listen
to what they say,Copy !req
299. which is tough, a lot of
it ain't that interesting,Copy !req
300. they almost never talk
about wrestling or chicks.Copy !req
301. They really go for
this listening thing?Copy !req
302. Yeah, in a big way.Copy !req
303. You gotta make a genuine
effort to pretend you're interested,Copy !req
304. and you gotta
remember the details.Copy !req
305. Tell you what, I've got
some books on the subject.Copy !req
306. Why don't we just
go back to my place?Copy !req
307. Hey, hey. Wait a minute.
Am I still the chick?Copy !req
308. 'Cause if I am, you
gotta buy dinner first.Copy !req
309. Yeah.Copy !req
310. How are you holding up, Fran?Copy !req
311. Oh, I'm fine. It's a
whole new life for me.Copy !req
312. I got this at the supermarket.Copy !req
313. Look, "Companion
Cuisine for Single Adults"Copy !req
314. "The meal that keeps you
company, until you eat it."Copy !req
315. So, I understand you're single.Copy !req
316. What happened? Somebody die?Copy !req
317. Hey! It helps to talk.
What's your name?Copy !req
318. Uh, Fran.Copy !req
319. Well, pleased to meet you, Fran.Copy !req
320. Feel free to baste
me while we talk.Copy !req
321. Oh!Copy !req
322. I just feel bad
about you and Earl,Copy !req
323. and that somehow
all of this is my fault.Copy !req
324. Oh! Don't be ridiculous.Copy !req
325. You know, last night
after I put the kids to bed,Copy !req
326. I sat down with a good bookCopy !req
327. for the first time in I
don't know how long.Copy !req
328. Really? What were you reading?Copy !req
329. Oh, who the hell remembers?Copy !req
330. I spent the whole time
thinking about Earl,Copy !req
331. staring at Earl's
side of the bed,Copy !req
332. wondering what shirt Earl
was going to wear tomorrow.Copy !req
333. Oh, how are the
children holding up?Copy !req
334. Oh, you know kids. These
things don't faze them at all.Copy !req
335. It's amazing how
resilient they are.Copy !req
336. Ah! Heh-heh-heh.Copy !req
337. Ah!Copy !req
338. Oh, my.Copy !req
339. Yeah.Copy !req
340. Yo, Mom.Copy !req
341. What are you doing?Copy !req
342. Whoa! I'm just grabbin' a beer,Copy !req
343. then I gotta get over to
the mud wrestling palace.Copy !req
344. Trixie goes on at ten.Copy !req
345. I gotta be there to
hose her off, you know.Copy !req
346. Trixie?Copy !req
347. Yeah!Copy !req
348. Ahoy! Ahoy there.Copy !req
349. Is Charlene in?Copy !req
350. Ahoy, mates.Copy !req
351. Whoa!Copy !req
352. Well, here you go,
Fran. I've got a date.Copy !req
353. No, you don't!Copy !req
354. And you get this
thing out of my kitchen!Copy !req
355. You're not going on any
date. This is a school night.Copy !req
356. You're in your room.Copy !req
357. Oh, Mom!Copy !req
358. And you have homework, Robert.Copy !req
359. Aw, Mom!Copy !req
360. Jeez!Copy !req
361. And as for you...Copy !req
362. - Wrong house!
- Let's go see Trixie.Copy !req
363. I got dibs on the hose!Copy !req
364. Maybe they're not handling
this as well as I thought.Copy !req
365. They're living in a
single-parent home now.Copy !req
366. It's an adjustment for them,
not having a male role model.Copy !req
367. Buy me a dress.Copy !req
368. Boy, do I have to talk to them.Copy !req
369. - All three of them.
- More rouge!Copy !req
370. And I need to get the
baby ready for bed,Copy !req
371. and I haven't figured out
what I'm making Earl for lunch...Copy !req
372. Stop. You're doing fine.
You just need to relax.Copy !req
373. Now, let your
mother watch the kids,Copy !req
374. and you and I will
go out for an hour.Copy !req
375. I've already opened dinner.Copy !req
376. Fran, she's right,Copy !req
377. you need some time for yourself.Copy !req
378. You go, I'll slip
into a freezer bag.Copy !req
379. I'll be fine. Huh?Copy !req
380. I'll eat him.Copy !req
381. Hey, this single
scene's pretty wild, huh?Copy !req
382. Looks like every other night
we come in here after work.Copy !req
383. So, Earl, before the frenzy
begins and we got a moment,Copy !req
384. what do you look
for in the fair sex?Copy !req
385. You a leg guy? Or maybe
a haunch-chaser. Heh-heh.Copy !req
386. Some guys prefer the legs,
others a good set of teeth.Copy !req
387. I like the ones
that look like Fran.Copy !req
388. Well, me, I'm a neck guy.Copy !req
389. You can't get a head
too far from the shoulders,Copy !req
390. as far as I'm concerned.Copy !req
391. The longer, the better! Heh-heh!Copy !req
392. Yeah, I remember
my first girlfriend.Copy !req
393. Longest neck in school.Copy !req
394. One day we went riding in
her daddy's convertible, see?Copy !req
395. And, well, there
was this low bridge...Copy !req
396. - Hi.
- Hey, Roy! Look.Copy !req
397. Duh!Copy !req
398. Go get me a ladder. I'm in love!Copy !req
399. Hey, let's make our move, huh?Copy !req
400. Roy, one of them's my wife.Copy !req
401. Well, right away you have
something in common.Copy !req
402. What do I do? What do I do?Copy !req
403. Details. Remember the details.Copy !req
404. - Dee-da-dee-dee.
- Details. Details.Copy !req
405. Hey, I was here first.Copy !req
406. Aren't we Mr. Macho?Copy !req
407. Play your cards right, and
you could be Mrs. Macho.Copy !req
408. - Ohh...
- Yep.Copy !req
409. Hi, I'm Earl.Copy !req
410. I know.Copy !req
411. Do you come here often?Copy !req
412. You know I don't.Copy !req
413. Uh...Copy !req
414. So... Uh... Can I
buy you a drink?Copy !req
415. - I have one.
- So you do.Copy !req
416. Looks good. What is it?Copy !req
417. It's a white wine spritzer.Copy !req
418. Spritzer! It's a spritzer,
it's a spritzer, it's a spritzer.Copy !req
419. Uh, so, um...Copy !req
420. What sign are you?Copy !req
421. Uh, Pisces.Copy !req
422. Pisces! Pisces, spritzer.
Pisces, Pisces pitzi...Copy !req
423. Oh! Excuse me. Duh...Copy !req
424. I... Uh... Duh...Copy !req
425. Spriz, spriz...Copy !req
426. Is spritzer with a "z"?Copy !req
427. What are you doing?Copy !req
428. Oh, well when I
meet a chick I like,Copy !req
429. I want to know all about her.Copy !req
430. Since when?Copy !req
431. Since I realized how
much it means to them.Copy !req
432. Well...Copy !req
433. Chicks like it when
you care enough to try.Copy !req
434. You know, you seem
like a happening babe.Copy !req
435. I know we just met,Copy !req
436. but what do you say we
go someplace a little more...Copy !req
437. romantic?Copy !req
438. I'd like that.Copy !req
439. This is lovely.Copy !req
440. I thought you'd like it.Copy !req
441. You know, I missed you.Copy !req
442. I missed you, too.Copy !req
443. - I got you flowers.
- Aw!Copy !req
444. Ragweed. It's your favorite.Copy !req
445. Oh, no! What?Copy !req
446. Roses are my favorite
flower. Not ragweed.Copy !req
447. Well, I knew it
had an "R" in it.Copy !req
448. I should have written it down.Copy !req
449. OK. You got five points for
remembering her favorite drink,Copy !req
450. 10 for remembering
your anniversary,Copy !req
451. her birthday, your
birthday, favorite color,Copy !req
452. and 25 for her favorite
international coffee.Copy !req
453. Woo!Copy !req
454. Let's see. That's 5, 10, 25...Copy !req
455. Oh, another 5 points and I
could have renewed your license.Copy !req
456. - Whoa. Just stop right there.
- Huh?Copy !req
457. Who are you to make judgments
about how much we mean to each other?Copy !req
458. Sure, the little
things are important,Copy !req
459. but what about the big things,Copy !req
460. like spending 20 years together,Copy !req
461. raising three kids,Copy !req
462. and seeing each other
through the hard times?Copy !req
463. And what about love?Copy !req
464. I bet there's no place in your
official score sheet for love.Copy !req
465. Love? Well, uh, uh...Copy !req
466. Oh, yeah, here it
is. Hey, three points.Copy !req
467. Hey, and look at this!Copy !req
468. Seeing each other through the
hard times is another three points.Copy !req
469. That's uh... Congratulations!Copy !req
470. You're renewed.Copy !req
471. Oh!Copy !req
472. Oh, thank you.Copy !req
473. You see, Franny,
if I put my mind to it,Copy !req
474. I can remember all the important
stuff about our relationship.Copy !req
475. Oh, you sure can.Copy !req
476. Come on, big boy,Copy !req
477. let's go home and
pretend it's Thursday.Copy !req
478. Doh!Copy !req
479. Thursday? Yeah!Copy !req
480. Spaghetti night.Copy !req