1. Honey, I'm home.Copy !req
2. All right, next baby.
Put it on the table.Copy !req
3. O great elder, by what
name do you call this child?Copy !req
4. I decree that henceforth
this child shall be called, uh...Copy !req
5. Joshua!Copy !req
6. Joshua! Next!Copy !req
7. Jeez, Fran. This
is so embarrassing.Copy !req
8. He's so much older
than the other kids.Copy !req
9. How could we have forgotten
to get our kid a name?Copy !req
10. It's been a busy year, Earl.Copy !req
11. First you had to learn the mating
dance, then Mother moved in,Copy !req
12. then the kids got
that pet caveman,Copy !req
13. then there was Robbie's howling,
then Charlene's tail grew in.Copy !req
14. Then we all went
on that game show.Copy !req
15. It seems like
nearly every week...Copy !req
16. Yes, I know, I know.
But it's still no excuse.Copy !req
17. We should've realized we were
just calling him Baby all the time.Copy !req
18. Move it!Copy !req
19. Earl.Copy !req
20. Oh, sorry.Copy !req
21. O great elder,Copy !req
22. by what name do
you call this child?Copy !req
23. Give me a good one.Copy !req
24. I decree that henceforthCopy !req
25. this child shall be called...Copy !req
26. Spit it out. I'm waiting.Copy !req
27. Augh! Augh!Copy !req
28. Augh Augh.Copy !req
29. I'm dying, you idiot!Copy !req
30. I'm Dying You Idiot.Copy !req
31. - Uhh...
- Oh!Copy !req
32. Augh Augh I'm Dying You Idiot!Copy !req
33. Next!Copy !req
34. This is a DNN special report.Copy !req
35. It is a solemn dayCopy !req
36. as the nation mourns
the loss of our chief elder.Copy !req
37. Our beloved elder died almost
immediately after naming this childCopy !req
38. Augh Augh I'm Dying
You Idiot Sinclair.Copy !req
39. Jeez, Earl.Copy !req
40. What is that, one of
those new trendy names?Copy !req
41. Within minutes of
the chief elder's death,Copy !req
42. one candidate had
stepped forwardCopy !req
43. to nominate
himself for the post.Copy !req
44. 42-year-old B.P. Richfield
of the Wesayso Corporation,Copy !req
45. who had this to say:Copy !req
46. Get in here, you
chunks of filth!Copy !req
47. Ehh, he's gonna need
a better slogan than that.Copy !req
48. Now!Copy !req
49. Whoa!Copy !req
50. You bellowed, my captain.Copy !req
51. As most of you inbred
green-garbage probably heard,Copy !req
52. there's going to be
an election for elder,Copy !req
53. and I've decided to run.Copy !req
54. My delight is limitedCopy !req
55. only by my absolute terror, sir.Copy !req
56. Unfortunately, my
handlers tell meCopy !req
57. I have a personality problem.Copy !req
58. I can't imagine what
that could be, sir.Copy !req
59. - I'm speaking!
- Right!Copy !req
60. Apparently, the big money
interests who control my partyCopy !req
61. feel I come off a bit,
um, abrasive on TV.Copy !req
62. - Oh, no.
- No, no, no, no.Copy !req
63. Fortunately, the big money
interests who control my partyCopy !req
64. also control the other party,Copy !req
65. so all I got to do is find
an opposing candidateCopy !req
66. so utterly pathetic
and profoundly stupidCopy !req
67. that I can't help but win.Copy !req
68. The question is,
which one do I choose?Copy !req
69. This is an
embarrassment of riches,Copy !req
70. but who's the stupidest?Copy !req
71. All right, come on. Who is it?Copy !req
72. Hmm.Copy !req
73. All right, the next one
to say something asinineCopy !req
74. has to run against me.Copy !req
75. - Um...
- Um...Copy !req
76. How asinine does
it have to be, sir?Copy !req
77. Ah ha ha!Copy !req
78. Congratulations,
Sinclair. You're nominated!Copy !req
79. Ha ha ha!Copy !req
80. Let's do Robbie.Copy !req
81. Yeah.Copy !req
82. Now it's my turn.Copy !req
83. OK.Copy !req
84. Augh, sorry.Copy !req
85. You know, Mom, I'm just afraid this
name could be very traumatic for the baby.Copy !req
86. Oh, lots of kids have gotten
bad names from the elderCopy !req
87. and gone on to live
perfectly normal lives,Copy !req
88. like your cousin Ah-choo.Copy !req
89. I just remember
when I was in schoolCopy !req
90. the way we used to tease
poor little Excuse Me Siegelman.Copy !req
91. Children can be so cruel.Copy !req
92. Excuse Me Siegelman.Copy !req
93. Ha ha! What a loser!Copy !req
94. Well, you can always
apply for a new nameCopy !req
95. from the chief elder just
as soon as he's elected.Copy !req
96. Yes, Mother, but if
Mr. Richfield wins the election,Copy !req
97. I just worry what kind of
world we'll leave behindCopy !req
98. for poor little Augh
Augh I'm Dying You Idiot.Copy !req
99. Hello, hello, family of mine.Copy !req
100. I have a bit of information that
might be of interest to some of you.Copy !req
101. Today I heard the
call of civic dutyCopy !req
102. and announced my
candidacy for chief elder.Copy !req
103. Earl, you're running
against Mr. Richfield?Copy !req
104. Dad, that's really brave.Copy !req
105. Ooh! Look, family,
the news is on.Copy !req
106. I think you'll find
I'm on every channel.Copy !req
107. - Wow!
- Ooh!Copy !req
108. Um, my name is...Copy !req
109. Earl Sinclair.Copy !req
110. I am running for chief elder.Copy !req
111. In lieu of an acceptance speech,Copy !req
112. I would like to sing
you a musical selectionCopy !req
113. chosen especially
for this occasion.Copy !req
114. You're going to sing?Copy !req
115. Yeah, it was
Mr. Richfield's idea.Copy !req
116. What?Copy !req
117. Is he really doing
what I think he's doing?Copy !req
118. OK, kids. Let's pack.Copy !req
119. Hey, what do you want?
That part's for a mezzo.Copy !req
120. Earl, what kind
of speech is that?Copy !req
121. - It's the one
Mr. Richfield gave me.
- Mr. Richfield?Copy !req
122. But you're running against him!Copy !req
123. I know that. He chose me
over all the other guys at work.Copy !req
124. You mean he picked you to lose?Copy !req
125. Of course. Son,
under our system,Copy !req
126. a guy can't just muscle
his way to the topCopy !req
127. without any opposition.Copy !req
128. We are required
by our constitutionCopy !req
129. to let the voters think they
have a choice. That's democracy.Copy !req
130. Earl, how can you
live with yourself,Copy !req
131. helping Mr. Richfield
get elected?Copy !req
132. Oh, I can live fine, Fran.
I can live just like a king.Copy !req
133. Don't have to go to work,
don't have to push down trees.Copy !req
134. All I have to do
is run for elderCopy !req
135. and lose, lose, lose.Copy !req
136. It's morning in Pangaea,Copy !req
137. but one dinosaur is
already hard at workCopy !req
138. finding solutions for
a better tomorrow:Copy !req
139. B.P. Richfield.Copy !req
140. Whether running a
multimillion-dollar corporation,Copy !req
141. chopping wood
like a regular guy...Copy !req
142. Aah!Copy !req
143. Or sharing good cheer
with the simple working folk,Copy !req
144. B.P. Richfield
shows that he cares.Copy !req
145. All the guys at workCopy !req
146. see him as a
member of the family.Copy !req
147. He comes to my
house all the time.Copy !req
148. My wife calls him "honey."
My kids call him "Daddy."Copy !req
149. B.P. Richfield. He
cares so much...Copy !req
150. it hurts.Copy !req
151. On tonight's
news-maker interview,Copy !req
152. B.P. Richfield talks
to our own venerable,Copy !req
153. revered senior commentator
Edward R. Hero. Edward.Copy !req
154. Thank you, Howard.Copy !req
155. Mr. Richfield, in
the last 24 hours,Copy !req
156. your public image has
undergone a radical transformationCopy !req
157. from a savage,
bloodthirsty killerCopy !req
158. to a kinder, gentler
B.P. Richfield.Copy !req
159. Isn't this just a
shameless, cynical ployCopy !req
160. to trick the public
into loving you?Copy !req
161. Oh, Ed. Not at all.Copy !req
162. By the way, did you get
those flowers I sent you?Copy !req
163. Why, uh, yes, they're
lovely. Thank you.Copy !req
164. Oh, you're welcome.Copy !req
165. Mr. Richfield,Copy !req
166. I understand you favor
heavy taxation for the poorCopy !req
167. and no taxes
at all for the rich.Copy !req
168. That's right. I call it
my trickle-down theory.Copy !req
169. See, rich folks tend to live in
big houses on the tops of hills,Copy !req
170. and so if we give
them all the money,Copy !req
171. some of it's bound to
slip out of their pocketsCopy !req
172. and roll down to where
the poor folks are.Copy !req
173. I... I see. Ahem.Copy !req
174. Mr. Richfield, you say you
want to be the education elder,Copy !req
175. and yet, you favor the
repeal of all child labor laws.Copy !req
176. Absolutely.
Children love to work.Copy !req
177. It's like a game,Copy !req
178. getting all dirty down
in a Wesayso coal mine.Copy !req
179. Because they're small,Copy !req
180. you can fit more of
them in a tight space.Copy !req
181. Why, your average six-year-oldCopy !req
182. can work 18-20 hours
a day without rest.Copy !req
183. Hello? Fran? Robbie?Copy !req
184. Charlene?Copy !req
185. Oh. What's all this fuzzy stuff?Copy !req
186. Oh, wait a minute.Copy !req
187. Maybe this is a dream.Copy !req
188. Mmm.Copy !req
189. Oh, this is the cake dream.Copy !req
190. Oh, that'll be the
centerfold girls.Copy !req
191. Fran?Copy !req
192. You're not supposed to be here.Copy !req
193. The centerfold girls
aren't coming, Earl.Copy !req
194. Oh, but this is my cake dream.Copy !req
195. Your conscience
is intruding, Earl.Copy !req
196. You know you don't
deserve the cake dream.Copy !req
197. Come with me.Copy !req
198. Oh, jeez!Copy !req
199. Ah-choo!Copy !req
200. We live out here now, Earl.Copy !req
201. What happened to our house?Copy !req
202. We had to sell the
house to buy food.Copy !req
203. Mr. Richfield lowered the
minimum wage to two cents a day.Copy !req
204. Mr. Richfield? You
mean he was elected?Copy !req
205. That's right, Earl.Copy !req
206. Oh, no!Copy !req
207. Ah-choo!Copy !req
208. Oh, starving. Uh, give me food.Copy !req
209. Give me money. Give me shelter.Copy !req
210. These children living on the
street are such a nuisance.Copy !req
211. I understand they wouldn't live
in a house if you gave them one.Copy !req
212. Thanks for nothing!Copy !req
213. How are we ever
going to feed the family?Copy !req
214. Don't worry, Dad.
I got it covered.Copy !req
215. Bless you, Son. You
brought us all food.Copy !req
216. That's not food, Dad.
That's my pancreas.Copy !req
217. I can get good money
for it at the hospital.Copy !req
218. - Rob, what's that?
- My pancreas.Copy !req
219. Dad, I'm starving.
Give it to me!Copy !req
220. Hey, cut it out! Get your own.Copy !req
221. Robbie, I want your spleen!Copy !req
222. Oh, Fran, how
did all this happen?Copy !req
223. This is the life you've
made for us, Earl.Copy !req
224. - You should've listened
to your conscience.
- Oh...Copy !req
225. Should've listened
to your conscience.Copy !req
226. Oh...Copy !req
227. Should've listened
to your conscience.Copy !req
228. Aah!Copy !req
229. Earl! What is it, Earl?Copy !req
230. Fran, I can't do it, Fran.Copy !req
231. I can't let him win.Copy !req
232. I've got to try and beat him.Copy !req
233. I'm the only hope
for our nation's future.Copy !req
234. Yes. Earl Sinclair's
campaign for elderCopy !req
235. has begun to turn itself around.Copy !req
236. After an astoundingly
inane beginning,Copy !req
237. Sinclair has put the
dinosaur community on noticeCopy !req
238. that he is a candidate
to be taken seriously.Copy !req
239. He'll be speaking tonight
from his modest suburban homeCopy !req
240. with our own Edward
R. Hero. Edward?Copy !req
241. Thank you, Howard.
How are you tonight, Earl?Copy !req
242. Never better, Ed.
Maybe a little bit nervous.Copy !req
243. Don't worry, Earl. Just
a few simple questions.Copy !req
244. Relax and have fun with it.Copy !req
245. OK.Copy !req
246. Over the last seven years,Copy !req
247. our nation's budget
deficit has grown 46%Copy !req
248. from $220 billion
to 372 billion.Copy !req
249. At the current growth
rate of 12.3% per month,Copy !req
250. our deficit can be expected
to reach a total of 436 billionCopy !req
251. by next year.Copy !req
252. What would you do about
this disastrous situation?Copy !req
253. Ah!Copy !req
254. Mr. Sinclair?Copy !req
255. Mr. Sinclair?Copy !req
256. Uh, uh... he'll be right back.Copy !req
257. Well...Copy !req
258. I...Copy !req
259. Take deep breaths,
pally-boy, deep breaths.Copy !req
260. Oh, Roy. I can't
do it. I just can't.Copy !req
261. Pull yourself
together, pally-boy.Copy !req
262. We're all counting on you.
You gotta beat Mr. Richfield now.Copy !req
263. I know, but these
questions are hard.Copy !req
264. He's gonna know I didn't study.Copy !req
265. This was so much easier
when I was trying to lose.Copy !req
266. Easy does it there, pally-boy.Copy !req
267. Here's a helpful hint from some
of the more successful politicians.Copy !req
268. When you're asked
a tough question,Copy !req
269. simply steer the conversation
to one of three safe topics:Copy !req
270. love of family, love of
country, and puppies.Copy !req
271. Oh, come on, Roy.Copy !req
272. That's so condescending.
It's so cynical.Copy !req
273. I refuse to sink that low.Copy !req
274. Mr. Sinclair, this country
is presently runningCopy !req
275. a massive budget deficit,Copy !req
276. which can only be addressedCopy !req
277. through the unpopular
step of raising taxes.Copy !req
278. How would you deal with this
politically explosive dilemma?Copy !req
279. Thanks for asking,
Ed. My family is fine.Copy !req
280. Mr. Sinclair, I'm
waiting for an answer.Copy !req
281. Do you see higher
taxes ahead or not?Copy !req
282. Well, first there's my son
Robert, the oldest boy.Copy !req
283. He's quite a chip
off the old block.Copy !req
284. Hey, how's the team
doing this year, Robbo?Copy !req
285. - What team?
- Ha ha!Copy !req
286. And then there's
little Charlene.Copy !req
287. She's at a dance tonight.Copy !req
288. Don't stay out too late, honey.Copy !req
289. And then there's
my darling little babyCopy !req
290. Augh Augh I'm Dying You Idiot.Copy !req
291. Easy, easy, easy, easy.Copy !req
292. Who loves you, baby?Copy !req
293. Hope you lose.Copy !req
294. Aah! Again!Copy !req
295. Mr. Sinclair, your
family is very nice,Copy !req
296. but will you please
answer my question?Copy !req
297. Yes, Ed, this is
a great country,Copy !req
298. and it has a great flag,Copy !req
299. and I don't care
who hears me say it.Copy !req
300. Brr! Is it a bit chilly in here?Copy !req
301. Mr. Sinclair, you have
consistently avoidedCopy !req
302. answering my questions.Copy !req
303. It's becoming obvious to
me that you know nothingCopy !req
304. about the substantive
issues of this election.Copy !req
305. Thank you for
mentioning that, Ed.Copy !req
306. Yes, it is true. I
do adore puppies,Copy !req
307. and here's the newest
member of the Sinclair family.Copy !req
308. We call him Checkers.Copy !req
309. Let's take a look at our
DNN instantaneous news poll.Copy !req
310. Prior to the interview
you just saw,Copy !req
311. here's how things stood with
Richfield leading Sinclair by 93 points.Copy !req
312. After Sinclair's
interview tonight,Copy !req
313. we see that Pangaeans
everywhere...Copy !req
314. fell for it.Copy !req
315. I've been thinking.Copy !req
316. No. Not a word.Copy !req
317. I don't want you thinking.Copy !req
318. I don't want you thinking
up some stupid reasonCopy !req
319. why me being chief elder isn't
the best thing that ever happened.Copy !req
320. Earl, I think we
should listen to Robbie.Copy !req
321. Of course you do.Copy !req
322. What is it, dear?Copy !req
323. With all Dad's talk about
the flag and puppies,Copy !req
324. everybody's voting for
him for the wrong reasons.Copy !req
325. Chief elder's a pretty hard job,Copy !req
326. and maybe knowing
how to win an electionCopy !req
327. is not the same thing as
knowing how to run a country.Copy !req
328. Well, there he goes.Copy !req
329. He's done it. I was
up. Now I'm down.Copy !req
330. He has rained on my parade
by throwing the truth in my face.Copy !req
331. Earl, don't get all upset.Copy !req
332. Robbie's given us
something to think about.Copy !req
333. Why don't we all
just sleep on it?Copy !req
334. No, if I go to sleep I'll have some
kind of dream that'll ruin my life.Copy !req
335. Earl, you need your sleep
for the debate tomorrow.Copy !req
336. Forget it, Fran.Copy !req
337. I'm not going to sleep.Copy !req
338. I'm going to stay right hereCopy !req
339. wide awake, eyes
open, without sleeping.Copy !req
340. No sleeping for me.Copy !req
341. Daddy.Copy !req
342. Hmm?Copy !req
343. Nighty-night.Copy !req
344. Ow!Copy !req
345. Oh, jeez.Copy !req
346. Doing!Copy !req
347. Whoa! Whoa, where
am I? What's going on?Copy !req
348. Oh, no. It's that
fuzzy stuff again.Copy !req
349. All right, conscience,
what's it going to be?Copy !req
350. Welcome to the Cave
of Destiny, Mr. Elder.Copy !req
351. If you'll step this way.Copy !req
352. Mr. Elder? You mean I won?Copy !req
353. Whoa, this is a good dream.Copy !req
354. Oh, look. I get my
own desk. Neat-o.Copy !req
355. Hey, what's this?Copy !req
356. That's the red button, sir,Copy !req
357. to launch a full-scale
war against our enemies.Copy !req
358. Only you can push it.Copy !req
359. Oh, well. Maybe I'll push it,Copy !req
360. and maybe I won't.Copy !req
361. This requires your
immediate attention, sir!Copy !req
362. What is it?Copy !req
363. Our enemies have
placed strategic weaponsCopy !req
364. 60 miles from our borders!Copy !req
365. If we don't threaten
to attack them,Copy !req
366. we leave ourselves
vulnerable to a first strike!Copy !req
367. If we do attack them, it
will almost certainly resultCopy !req
368. - in the complete destruction
of our planet.
- Where would we live?Copy !req
369. In two hours the stock
market's plunged 500 points!Copy !req
370. They're expecting a run on
the banks! What should we do?Copy !req
371. Gee, I don't know. I
could hug a puppy.Copy !req
372. There's a little girl
trapped in a well!Copy !req
373. She needs your words
of encouragement!Copy !req
374. Uh, you're trapped in a
well? Oh, that's terrible!Copy !req
375. We need a decision right away!Copy !req
376. The market dropped
another 100 points!Copy !req
377. Time's running
out for Becky Sue!Copy !req
378. Sir, it's 12:30. Where would
you like to go for lunch?Copy !req
379. Oh, I don't know.Copy !req
380. I'm just an ordinary guy!Copy !req
381. Why don't you all
just leave me alone?Copy !req
382. Oops.Copy !req
383. Oh, no. And on my first day.Copy !req
384. Ya-aah-aah!Copy !req
385. Good evening. Welcome to
tonight's election eve debate,Copy !req
386. the final hurdle in the
race for chief elder.Copy !req
387. Here's your moderator,Copy !req
388. our venerable political pundit,Copy !req
389. the crusty and avuncular
Edward R. Hero.Copy !req
390. Thank you, Howard. We'll
begin with Mr. Sinclair.Copy !req
391. In the past year,Copy !req
392. our nation's unemployment
rate has risen to 14%.Copy !req
393. What steps would you take
to curb this disturbing trend?Copy !req
394. Edward, let me begin by
making a general statement.Copy !req
395. I'd make a terrible elder.Copy !req
396. It would be wrong to elect
me. I'm completely incompetent.Copy !req
397. Uh, uh, in rebuttal,Copy !req
398. let me say I agree
with him 100%.Copy !req
399. Mr. Sinclair, do you
know what you're saying?Copy !req
400. Not usually. That's
the whole point.Copy !req
401. Are you asking your supporters
to vote for Mr. Richfield?Copy !req
402. No, no, no, no.Copy !req
403. See, I may be a boob,
but he's absolute evil.Copy !req
404. Evil? What are you doing, you
back-stabbing bucket of pus?Copy !req
405. You are evil, and you know it.Copy !req
406. You've told me so lots of times.Copy !req
407. He picked me to run against him,Copy !req
408. and told me I had to lose.Copy !req
409. What?Copy !req
410. Aah! Sinclair, I'll kill you!Copy !req
411. Let me at him!Copy !req
412. Aah!Copy !req
413. I'll pull your head
off and bowl with it!Copy !req
414. Let me at him!Copy !req
415. Mmm, mmm, mmm.Copy !req
416. What an appalling display.Copy !req
417. The voters of this nation
are presented with a choiceCopy !req
418. between a monstrous,
bloodthirsty psychopathCopy !req
419. and a self-confessed
brain-dead ignoramus.Copy !req
420. What will future
generations think of usCopy !req
421. that we cannot
present the publicCopy !req
422. with better
alternatives than these?Copy !req
423. Surely, somewhere
there must exist a leaderCopy !req
424. with the intelligence,
vision and decencyCopy !req
425. to guide our nation.Copy !req
426. I'm Edward R. Hero. Be
sure you vote tomorrow.Copy !req
427. Good night and good luck.Copy !req
428. The polls have just closedCopy !req
429. and the turnout was
reported to be light,Copy !req
430. but I see the election
returns are coming in.Copy !req
431. Mom, do you think
Daddy still has a chance?Copy !req
432. Be serious. I confessed I was
a boob on national television.Copy !req
433. You could still win,
Earl. Lots of boobs vote,Copy !req
434. and they need
representation, too.Copy !req
435. And here are the final results.Copy !req
436. We see that 40,019
voters chose Earl Sinclair.Copy !req
437. - Yahoo!
- Yeah!Copy !req
438. What were they thinking?Copy !req
439. And 60,304 votes
for B.P. Richfield.Copy !req
440. - Aww.
- Aww.Copy !req
441. Wait. I think that's more.Copy !req
442. One moment.Copy !req
443. I've just been informedCopy !req
444. that there has been a
landslide write-in voteCopy !req
445. of 2,300,012 votesCopy !req
446. for veteran DNN news
commentator Edward R. Hero.Copy !req
447. That's you, Edward. Any comment?Copy !req
448. Once again, a bored and apathetic
electorate has been forced to...Copy !req
449. Huh?Copy !req
450. Well, dress me up
and call me Sally.Copy !req
451. I'm the new elder.Copy !req
452. Hmm, maybe the system
does work, after all.Copy !req
453. Come on, Earl.
Don't be a sore loser.Copy !req
454. I think you have
something to say.Copy !req
455. O great elder, by what
name do you call this child?Copy !req
456. I decree that henceforth
this child shall be called, uh...Copy !req
457. I'm the baby. Gotta love me.Copy !req
458. Hmm. Baby?Copy !req
459. Baby Sinclair.
Yes, it sort of fits.Copy !req
460. Baby Sinclair.Copy !req
461. Baby Sinclair!Copy !req
462. Baby? Earl, what
a wonderful name!Copy !req
463. Baby.Copy !req
464. Baby.Copy !req
465. Baby? I could
have done this job!Copy !req