1. Honey, I'm home.Copy !req
2. One gun, one badge...Copy !req
3. So, Earl, how was your day?Copy !req
4. Yes, dear. Whatever you say.Copy !req
5. But he's sensitive...Copy !req
6. So, kids, what's new in school?Copy !req
7. - Sure, Mom.
- I'll get to it.Copy !req
8. What's new with you?Copy !req
9. Shh! Move.Copy !req
10. Welcome back to Pangaea's
Funniest Home Injuries.Copy !req
11. And now here's a father
and son playing catchCopy !req
12. a little too near
an active volcanoCopy !req
13. and giving new meaning
to the expression, "go deep."Copy !req
14. Go deep! I can
reach you. Go deep!Copy !req
15. I got it! I got it!Copy !req
16. I got it! I got... Aah!Copy !req
17. You know, Earl, I had something
funny happen to me today.Copy !req
18. On video?Copy !req
19. In my life.Copy !req
20. I want to talk at
the dinner table.Copy !req
21. We don't see each other all day,Copy !req
22. and I think we should talk to
each other at the dinner table.Copy !req
23. Mom, we can talk anytime.Copy !req
24. Pangaea's Funniest Home
Injuries is only on right now!Copy !req
25. Then you'll want to watch
whatever show comes on next.Copy !req
26. But that's a totally
different show.Copy !req
27. - What?
- Pangaea's Second
Funniest Home Injuries.Copy !req
28. I actually like that
one much better.Copy !req
29. We don't get that much
time together as a family...Copy !req
30. Ma, you're thinking too hard.Copy !req
31. Relax. Look at
the bright colors.Copy !req
32. It's... nice.Copy !req
33. Come on, honey,
turn that thing off!Copy !req
34. Oops!Copy !req
35. Aw, jeez.Copy !req
36. Fine.Copy !req
37. You and I will eat
dinner togetherCopy !req
38. like a civilized family.Copy !req
39. We interrupt Second Funniest
Home Injuries for this bulletin.Copy !req
40. Jeez, hurry up.Copy !req
41. Now, here's DNN correspondent,
Howard Handupme.Copy !req
42. A meteor watch has
been put into effectCopy !req
43. throughout the
Pangaean Panhandle.Copy !req
44. Scientists have specifically
pinpointed this particular houseCopy !req
45. as the point of probable impact.Copy !req
46. Come on, come on! What
does this have to do with me?Copy !req
47. Uh, Dad, uh...Copy !req
48. What?Copy !req
49. I think that's our house.Copy !req
50. Nah!Copy !req
51. Yeah, I think so.Copy !req
52. Na...Copy !req
53. Na...Copy !req
54. Not the mama.Copy !req
55. Na...Copy !req
56. Huh? Yeah, look!Copy !req
57. Huh? Huh?Copy !req
58. Hey, hey, hey.Copy !req
59. Hey, Fran, come here, come here!Copy !req
60. Look at this. I'm on TV.Copy !req
61. Hey, everybody,
it's The Earl Show!Copy !req
62. Again!Copy !req
63. We've been canceled.Copy !req
64. We now return youCopy !req
65. to our regularly
scheduled program.Copy !req
66. OK, well, I've finished my preliminary
claim inspection, Mr. Sinclair,Copy !req
67. and I would appraise the
damages sustained here...Copy !req
68. Don't try and cheat me on this!Copy !req
69. You insurance guys
have absolutely no ethics!Copy !req
70. How much would you say
your television set was worth?Copy !req
71. Ten thousand dollars.Copy !req
72. Hmm? Good thing I poppedCopy !req
73. for that extra meteor
coverage, huh?Copy !req
74. For us, yes, but if
you refer to that largeCopy !req
75. bound volume we sent
you, labeled "exclusions,"Copy !req
76. you'll find that a meteorCopy !req
77. is only a meteor until it
enters the Earth's atmosphere,Copy !req
78. at which time it
becomes a meteorite.Copy !req
79. We're not gonna get
any money, are we?Copy !req
80. Not unless your house
was hovering in spaceCopy !req
81. at the time it was struck.Copy !req
82. It was, it was. You could
ask anybody! I swear!Copy !req
83. I don't see this
as a loss at all.Copy !req
84. I see this as our chance to
spend time talking to each other.Copy !req
85. I see this as a
blessing in disguise!Copy !req
86. What exactly is this
blessing disguised as, Fran?Copy !req
87. Misery? Awkwardness?Copy !req
88. Oh, I know!Copy !req
89. It's disguised as
mind-numbing boredom!Copy !req
90. Look, we're not used
to communicating.Copy !req
91. We've lost the art
of conversation.Copy !req
92. Earl, tell me about your day.Copy !req
93. I don't want to.Copy !req
94. At least ask your children
what happened in school today.Copy !req
95. What happened in
school today, Robbie?Copy !req
96. Uh, may I be excused?Copy !req
97. - I don't see why not.
- Oh, thanks.Copy !req
98. Don't you get out of that chair!Copy !req
99. No one gets out of their chairCopy !req
100. until we talk to each
other like a family.Copy !req
101. Oh, this is vicious!Copy !req
102. Fine, Charlene,
you can go first.Copy !req
103. Tell us about your day.Copy !req
104. OK. Well, I went to school.Copy !req
105. Nothing's going on there.Copy !req
106. There was a...
book or something.Copy !req
107. Then I went to the mall.Copy !req
108. This is good. They had a booth,Copy !req
109. and they analyzed my skin.Copy !req
110. And it turns out I have
combination scales!Copy !req
111. Some are oily, and some are
dry, and some are in between.Copy !req
112. Here's where it gets
really interesting.Copy !req
113. They blended me a
custom scale moisturizer,Copy !req
114. emollient, lusterizer,
conditioner mousseCopy !req
115. with a pH balance and
a sun-protection factor,Copy !req
116. which, coincidentally, matches
the combination body splash gel,Copy !req
117. and came in a free
carrying case with a loofa!Copy !req
118. Uh...Copy !req
119. Robbie! Imagine
running into you here.Copy !req
120. Tell me all about you.
Let's get to know each other.Copy !req
121. Gee, Mom, I'm
not that interesting.Copy !req
122. Don't fight it. The
more you struggle,Copy !req
123. the more painful it will be.Copy !req
124. OK. There is something
I've been thinking about.Copy !req
125. I wouldn't mind hearing
what the family thinks.Copy !req
126. I'm confused about
the nature of reality.Copy !req
127. No kidding?Copy !req
128. Like if a tree
falls in the forestCopy !req
129. and nobody's around
to see it or hear it,Copy !req
130. did it actually fall?Copy !req
131. Ooh! Now, that is intriguing!Copy !req
132. Who can build on that?Copy !req
133. Where are you going?Copy !req
134. I'm going to see
if the tree fell.Copy !req
135. I'll be back in a
couple of days.Copy !req
136. If you leave this house,Copy !req
137. I will never talk to you again!Copy !req
138. Throw in the rest of the family,
then you got yourself a deal!Copy !req
139. Free, with your paid
subscription to Dinosaur Sports...Copy !req
140. Hmm?Copy !req
141. What? The rock is ringing!Copy !req
142. Wow! It's a phone!Copy !req
143. It's a rock! It's a Rok-Fone!Copy !req
144. Hello? Yeah?Copy !req
145. - Sounds great.
- Hello, the TV. I missed you.Copy !req
146. Did you miss me?Copy !req
147. Tough day without
the TV, pally boy?Copy !req
148. Oh, yeah. Did I miss anything?Copy !req
149. You kidding?Copy !req
150. First of all, on Oh,
Those Becklesons,Copy !req
151. Arnie's son, Mikey, got
picked on by a bully at school.Copy !req
152. And Arnie had to teach him
a valuable lesson about life.Copy !req
153. Ooh. I've never seen
anything like that.Copy !req
154. Yeah, well, those guysCopy !req
155. are breaking new
ground every week.Copy !req
156. Jeez! What else did I miss?Copy !req
157. Oh, wait. Then on
We're Not Even Related,Copy !req
158. But Somehow We're
All Living Together...Copy !req
159. That's a great show!Copy !req
160. When Delores and Stan
go out for the evening,Copy !req
161. teenaged Billy throws a
party, and trouble erupts.Copy !req
162. Did it turn out all right?Copy !req
163. Everyone learned a
valuable lesson about life.Copy !req
164. And I was wasting these
precious hours with my family.Copy !req
165. - Yeah.
- I got to get a new TV!Copy !req
166. Yeah.Copy !req
167. How much does one
like that cost now?Copy !req
168. Oh, 700 or 800 bucks.Copy !req
169. I could never afford that.Copy !req
170. And those Becklesons are
gonna learn more and moreCopy !req
171. valuable lessons about life,Copy !req
172. and I'm gonna get left behind!Copy !req
173. What am I gonna do?Copy !req
174. Would you like to ownCopy !req
175. this gorgeous
90-inch stereophonic,Copy !req
176. - surround-sound, really,
really big tube television?
- Yes!Copy !req
177. You could, if you and your
entire family appear as contestantsCopy !req
178. on television's favorite family
game show, the Family Challenge!Copy !req
179. Hey! I got a family.Copy !req
180. Of course, I'd have to
split the TV with them.Copy !req
181. Aw, what the heck?Copy !req
182. Now the most important thing is
always save your double couponsCopy !req
183. for the more expensive items.Copy !req
184. Is that my wonderful family?Copy !req
185. I'm not talking to you.Copy !req
186. I thought long and
hard, and you were right.Copy !req
187. We should do more
things together as a family.Copy !req
188. Like what?Copy !req
189. You know, something that
will teach us to nurture, share,Copy !req
190. and improve our general
knowledge of trivia.Copy !req
191. What are you talking about?Copy !req
192. Hey, I don't know. Nothing
planned, no agenda.Copy !req
193. Off the top of my head...Copy !req
194. a game show, the
Family Challenge.Copy !req
195. Want to go on it
with the family?Copy !req
196. A TV game show?Copy !req
197. I don't know.Copy !req
198. Come on, come
on. It'll be great.Copy !req
199. What do you think, kids?Copy !req
200. All in favor, sit
there motionless.Copy !req
201. It's unanimous, Fran.Copy !req
202. Seen this one.Copy !req
203. Seen this one.Copy !req
204. Ah! Seen this one too.Copy !req
205. We have been
accepted as contestantsCopy !req
206. on the Family Challenge,Copy !req
207. which leaves us 30 daysCopy !req
208. to absorb all the
knowledge in the world.Copy !req
209. Now, some of us
might not make it.Copy !req
210. How are we supposed
to get so smart so fast?Copy !req
211. No problem.Copy !req
212. As you can see,Copy !req
213. I have separated all
known dinosaur wisdomCopy !req
214. into three categories:Copy !req
215. "Animal, vegetable, rocks."Copy !req
216. Well, what about fire?Copy !req
217. Vegetable.Copy !req
218. What about water?Copy !req
219. Water is the opposite of fire,Copy !req
220. which we have previously
established as a vegetable.Copy !req
221. What's the opposite
of a vegetable? Fruit.Copy !req
222. So water is a fruit.Copy !req
223. Fruit is not a vegetable,Copy !req
224. so it has to be either
an animal or a rock.Copy !req
225. We know it's not an animal.Copy !req
226. Therefore, fruit is a rock.Copy !req
227. Daddy, I asked you about water.Copy !req
228. Could we hold all questions
until the end of the lecture, please?Copy !req
229. Not the TV!Copy !req
230. I don't want to do this.Copy !req
231. - Charlene!
- Why not?Copy !req
232. I'm used to being embarrassed
by you guys on a local level.Copy !req
233. I don't know how I feel about
being humiliated nationally.Copy !req
234. Charlene, your father's
just trying to organizeCopy !req
235. a family activity.Copy !req
236. That's right. When
you're older, Charlene,Copy !req
237. perhaps you'll realize family
is all you have in the worldCopy !req
238. and all you really need.Copy !req
239. I've come to be
on the game show.Copy !req
240. Who needs you?Copy !req
241. Grandma Ethyl is
part of the family.Copy !req
242. She's the annoying
part of the family, Fran.Copy !req
243. I guess you won't need helpCopy !req
244. with the ancient
history questions.Copy !req
245. And what makes you
the ancient history expert?Copy !req
246. I was there.Copy !req
247. Mom, welcome to the team.Copy !req
248. Yutz.Copy !req
249. Robbie, ask me another one.Copy !req
250. Dad, you haven't
gotten one right yet.Copy !req
251. I'm finding my rhythm.
Ask me, ask me.Copy !req
252. OK, OK. "What can
fish do underwaterCopy !req
253. that dinosaurs can't?"Copy !req
254. Sing!Copy !req
255. Wrong. Breathe.Copy !req
256. - We can't breathe underwater?
- Nope.Copy !req
257. That stinks. Oh, why don't
we know any of this stuff?Copy !req
258. Why aren't we smarter?Copy !req
259. Why haven't we
reached our full potential?Copy !req
260. What has held us back?Copy !req
261. Don't touch that dial.Copy !req
262. We'll be right back.Copy !req
263. Your mileage may differ.Copy !req
264. Tell him what he's won, Bob.Copy !req
265. How hot was it?Copy !req
266. This concludes
our broadcast day.Copy !req
267. You think it could
be television?Copy !req
268. Oh, Fran, what if you're right?Copy !req
269. We've done nothing but
watch television our whole lives.Copy !req
270. And now we know nothing.Copy !req
271. Now we're suffering
the consequences.Copy !req
272. Now we're missing The
Winkie the Moose Show.Copy !req
273. And they said if you only
see one Winkie this season,Copy !req
274. tonight's the one.Copy !req
275. We can change what we've
become, starting right now.Copy !req
276. When you first came up with the
idea of us going on a game show,Copy !req
277. I thought there must
be an ulterior motive.Copy !req
278. Motive?Copy !req
279. You thought that?Copy !req
280. Well...Copy !req
281. But now I see it for what it
is. It's exactly what you said.Copy !req
282. It's our chance
to learn togetherCopy !req
283. and grow closer as a family.Copy !req
284. I know.Copy !req
285. Cumulus.Copy !req
286. Yes! Right on!Copy !req
287. Yay!Copy !req
288. All right.Copy !req
289. Here is the concept of gravity.Copy !req
290. Now watch closely.Copy !req
291. Mmm.Copy !req
292. Aah!Copy !req
293. I never realized
how lovely it could be,Copy !req
294. sitting here with my family,Copy !req
295. sharing these lovely moments.Copy !req
296. Now it's time once againCopy !req
297. to play the world's first and
most popular game show,Copy !req
298. the Family Challenge.Copy !req
299. Here's Mr. Family Challenge
himself, Buddy Glimmer.Copy !req
300. Hey, thank you.Copy !req
301. Thank you. Ha-ha!Copy !req
302. OK, now let's meet our families.Copy !req
303. First, our challengers.Copy !req
304. Let's hear it for the Sinclairs.Copy !req
305. - Yeah!
- Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
306. Hi. Hi, Buddy. I'm Earl.Copy !req
307. Ladies, ladies. Just
like to meet the ladies.Copy !req
308. And this delightful lovely is?Copy !req
309. Oh, Charlene Sinclair.Copy !req
310. Of course you are.Copy !req
311. Who's this vision of loveliness?Copy !req
312. Well, I'm Fran Sinclair,Copy !req
313. homemaker and
proud mother of three.Copy !req
314. Ohh.Copy !req
315. Fran! Ha-ha! Yes!Copy !req
316. Give me a big wet one.Copy !req
317. And let's say hello to
our returning champions,Copy !req
318. the Nielson family!Copy !req
319. So, Nielsons, so, what have
you been up to since last time?Copy !req
320. Just sitting around the house
watching television, I guess.Copy !req
321. Television's our life.Copy !req
322. Any favorite shows?Copy !req
323. Just about every
one of them, Buddy.Copy !req
324. Well, introduce us to
your family, would you?Copy !req
325. Sure, Buddy. This
is my wife, Gladys.Copy !req
326. - Hello.
- She handles the remote.Copy !req
327. - My son, he brings me chips.
- Hi!Copy !req
328. - What's his name, dear?
- Chip.Copy !req
329. - My daughter Sally on the end.
- Hi, Buddy.Copy !req
330. Fran, I forgot how much
I used to enjoy the TV.Copy !req
331. I haven't seen
television in a month now.Copy !req
332. It doesn't seem so
important to me anymore.Copy !req
333. And here are today's categories.Copy !req
334. "TV Last Week,Copy !req
335. TV Last Night,Copy !req
336. TV,Copy !req
337. TV,Copy !req
338. TV Potpourri,Copy !req
339. and Families..."Copy !req
340. - Oh.
- Ooh.Copy !req
341. "on TV."Copy !req
342. What an unpleasant coincidence.Copy !req
343. Champions, select.Copy !req
344. TV Last Night, Buddy.Copy !req
345. On last night's episode
of Where's My Trousers?Copy !req
346. what did Bernie find
hanging in his closet?Copy !req
347. Ah, Sinclairs.Copy !req
348. I'll take the curtain, Bob.Copy !req
349. - No, no, no, sweetheart.
- Why?Copy !req
350. Come on, Dad, we
can figure this out.Copy !req
351. Yeah, we used to watch TV.Copy !req
352. OK. Um, um...Copy !req
353. Ah... it's hanging
in his closet.Copy !req
354. So then it would have to be...Copy !req
355. an isosceles triangle!Copy !req
356. Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!Copy !req
357. And that ends round two,Copy !req
358. with the Nielsons
leading at 3,460Copy !req
359. and the Sinclairs at... five.Copy !req
360. Well, Earl Sinclair, it
looks like you've lostCopy !req
361. that beautiful grand prizeCopy !req
362. 90-inch color television set.Copy !req
363. Television set?Copy !req
364. Is that the reason you
wanted to be on this show?Copy !req
365. That's what you
had in mind all along?Copy !req
366. No, no, no! No!Copy !req
367. Yes! But only at first.Copy !req
368. That was before we
spent those weeksCopy !req
369. learning together as
a family. I loved that.Copy !req
370. I would never trade
that for some big TV set.Copy !req
371. Well, that's very
easy to say nowCopy !req
372. that there's no
chance of winning.Copy !req
373. I mean it. If he offered
one more chanceCopy !req
374. to win that set right now,Copy !req
375. I wouldn't take it.Copy !req
376. Well, Sinclairs, you've
got one more chanceCopy !req
377. to win this 90-inch
surround-sound,Copy !req
378. really, really big
tube televisionCopy !req
379. in our sudden-death
playoff round.Copy !req
380. And since you're
behind, Sinclairs,Copy !req
381. way behind,Copy !req
382. it's your choice.Copy !req
383. You can either
test your knowledgeCopy !req
384. with one more TV questionCopy !req
385. you have almost no
chance of getting right,Copy !req
386. or... square offCopy !req
387. for an exciting winner-take-allCopy !req
388. fight to the death
with Mr. NielsonCopy !req
389. in our patented Cage of Doom.Copy !req
390. It's your choice, Earl Sinclair.Copy !req
391. In our sudden-death round.Copy !req
392. Ah.Copy !req
393. Well, Earl, what will it be?Copy !req
394. Ah... Oh...Copy !req
395. Kill him, Daddy.Copy !req
396. Eat his head, fat boy.Copy !req
397. - We'll bet it all, Bob.
- Cage of Doom!Copy !req
398. Well, Earl Sinclair,
what will it be?Copy !req
399. The cage or the question?Copy !req
400. Uh...Copy !req
401. Cage of Doom! Cage of Doom!Copy !req
402. I'll take the question, Buddy.Copy !req
403. - You will?
- What?Copy !req
404. - What?
- What?Copy !req
405. Maybe I didn't explain this.Copy !req
406. I understood.
Just give it to me.Copy !req
407. Bring it up.Copy !req
408. Tuesday night was a
very special episodeCopy !req
409. of Oh, Those Becklesons.Copy !req
410. For the big-screen
TV and the game,Copy !req
411. what very valuable lesson did
Benji Beckleson learn about life?Copy !req
412. Uh...Copy !req
413. Huh?Copy !req
414. Daddy.Copy !req
415. Well, Buddy,Copy !req
416. he learned that television
shows come and go,Copy !req
417. and sometimes you feel attachedCopy !req
418. to the characters on TV,Copy !req
419. but what life really
comes down to isn't TV.Copy !req
420. It's the love
between your family...Copy !req
421. Boy, are you way off!Copy !req
422. He learned never to
give the lowest speciesCopy !req
423. the keys to the father's car.Copy !req
424. Well, that's valuable too.Copy !req
425. And the Nielsons
are our winners again!Copy !req
426. Well, Sinclairs, we
always like to sayCopy !req
427. here on the Family Challenge,
"There are no losers."Copy !req
428. But let's face it, you stink!Copy !req
429. Hey, we may stink, but at
least we stink as a family.Copy !req
430. But nobody leaves the Family
Challenge empty-handed.Copy !req
431. Even though you didn't win
our grand prize 90-inch TV,Copy !req
432. you go home with this perfectly
lovely 13-inch portable set.Copy !req
433. - Whoa!
- Yay!Copy !req
434. And, Robbie, I saw your
teacher at the supermarket.Copy !req
435. And he told me
how much fun it wasCopy !req
436. seeing you on
television last night.Copy !req
437. And he said you've been doing
much better in school lately.Copy !req
438. By the way, Charlene,
everybody I run intoCopy !req
439. tells me how
attractive you looked.Copy !req
440. Some dinosaurs are
just naturally photogenic.Copy !req
441. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.Copy !req
442. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.Copy !req
443. Blah, blah?Copy !req
444. Blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.Copy !req
445. Blah, blah, blah.Copy !req