Dinosaurs 2x12

1. Honey, I'm home.

2. Come on, you did them last year.

3. OK. You put up the fridges, I'll put up the sign.

4. - Good deal. - 'Tis the season.

5. - La la la. Here. - Yeah.

6. - Nice job, kids. - Thanks, Dad.

7. Oh, Frannie, that wouldn't happen to be

8. your famous refrigerator mold pie, would it?

9. Earl, it took me a year to collect enough mold from the meat drawer.

10. I think you can wait two more days.

11. Oh! It's got a nice fuzz on it this year,

12. a good Refrigerator Day omen.

13. - What's Refrigerator Day? - I already told you.

14. Oh, was I listening?

15. Refrigerator Day is when dinosaurs celebrate

16. the one invention that made modern civilization possible.

17. Diapers?

18. No. Although that was an important one too,

19. especially in summer.

20. Before refrigerators, dinosaurs couldn't store food.

21. So they always had to be on the move, looking for things to eat.

22. Their feet were sore,

23. their ankles were swollen

24. and there was constant chafing.

25. It practically killed romance.

26. Then one day, a great and wise dinosaur came up with the idea

27. that if you put food in a cold box,

28. it would stay fresh and we could settle down in one place.

29. And it also made it possible to have a midnight snack

30. without running around the woods in your jammies.

31. And so now, we honor the refrigerator

32. by giving it its own special day.

33. - Ahh. - Now do you understand?

34. No.

35. The key thing is we get lots of presents.

36. Oh, presents! Now I get it.

37. Did you go crazy again this year?

38. I certainly did. I spent all our money on presents,

39. which isn't hard, considering what I bring home.

40. - Earl! - Don't you worry, my green goddess.

41. I'll be getting my Fridge Day bonus!

42. Yeah!

43. I'm so happy for you. Don't eat me.

44. The holiday's not supposed to be about spending money.

45. It's supposed to be about giving thanks for everything we have.

46. Yeah.

47. Um, what is it we got?

48. We've got our family.

49. Oh, yeah, that.

50. And we're supposed to fast for two days before the holiday feast

51. to remind us of the hardships our ancestors faced before cold storage.

52. I've got enough hardships in my life

53. without suffering the ones that belonged to my dead relatives.

54. Now give me my breakfast back.

55. - No. - Fran.

56. Hey. A couple of days without food

57. wouldn't kill you, slim.

58. Right.

59. Mmm. No lunch today, pally-boy?

60. Huh? No, my wife thinks I should be more spiritually aware.

61. And my breakfast took her side.

62. Tough break.

63. So, how come you aren't fasting?

64. I only fast between meals.

65. Ah, reformed.

66. So, mind if I have some or all of what you're eating?

67. Grrr!

68. Sorry, pally-boy, I don't want to cross Fran.

69. Experts agree, getting on the wrong side of your best friend's wife

70. can be quite injurious to the relationship.

71. - Eh. - Yeah.

72. It's a good way to get arteries ripped out of your head.

73. Sinclair, get in here now!

74. - Run for the hills! - Not to worry, Roy.

75. This time of year, when the boss beckons,

76. - it's not something to be feared. — Oh?

77. This time of year, it's round about bonus time.

78. Hi.

79. Ah, come in, Earl. Always a pleasure to see you.

80. Earl, not Sinclair.

81. Earl, he called me Earl.

82. "Ah, come in, Earl."

83. Oh, gee, I never noticed the fireplace before.

84. I just put it in so my employees could have a place

85. to keep warm and feel loved.

86. Aw.

87. Hot toddy?

88. Oh, thank you.

89. Ha-ha.

90. Ooh!

91. Toddy.

92. Hey, I love that word.

93. "Toddy."

94. Toddy, toddy, toddy, toddy, toddy.

95. Say it with me. Toddy.

96. - Toddy, toddy! - Toddy, toddy!

97. I never realized you could be so much fun.

98. Now, let's get to the matter at hand, son.

99. I've got three envelopes here

100. with Refrigerator Day bonuses.

101. - Guess which one's yours. - Duh...

102. They all are!

103. I want you to have them because...

104. Well... because I love you.

105. Oh, and I you, sir.

106. Now, come over here and give us a big Fridge Day hug.

107. Ahh!

108. Sinclair!

109. Whoa!

110. Oh, I just had the most wonderful dream.

111. Get in here!

112. Oh! Oh, coming.

113. Hi.

114. Hello, my captain.

115. Gee, it's unusually cold in here.

116. Perhaps another piece of coal on the fire?

117. Fire? Do you see a fire in here, you big lumbering bag of pus?

118. Duh. Uh...

119. Happy Refrigerator Day?

120. These are for you.

121. Oh, pencils.

122. Well, thank you, sir.

123. What a generous prelude to whatever comes next.

124. I'm not giving 'em to you, pinhead! I want you to sharpen 'em!

125. And do it somewhere where I don't have to look at you!

126. Uh, sir? Sir, uh, speaking of bonus checks,

127. which we weren't, but I'd like to

128. if I could find a smooth way of bringing it up, which I can't...

129. I was just wondering when we might be expecting to get them?

130. Huh? You...?

131. Something amuses you, my captain?

132. Something horrible, no doubt?

133. A bonus? Bonus?

134. Gee, I love that word. Say it with me, sir. "Bonus."

135. Uhhh.

136. Bonus, bonus, bonus.

137. No bonus this year!

138. - Yes, there is. - No, there isn't.

139. - Oh, yes, there is. - No, there isn't!

140. Oh, yes, there is. There has to be.

141. I need that money. I'm counting on it.

142. Exactly! And that's why you're not getting it.

143. - What? - When you expect it, it's not a bonus. It's just pay.

144. So, since you're expecting it, I ain't gonna give it to you.

145. I'm not expecting it now.

146. Good. Then you won't be disappointed.

147. Now get out of here!

148. Oh!

149. Hey! Don't tell any of those other deadbeats there's no bonus.

150. I want to tell 'em.

151. It's my own little... holiday treat.

152. This Refrigerator Day,

153. what better way to celebrate the special occasion

154. than by giving the gift that will keep shining long after the day's over,

155. the gift of paint.

156. - Paint. - Using Refrigerator Day to sell paint

157. cheapens the holiday, don't you think?

158. Oh, who's to say?

159. That's one of those big, confusing moral issues.

160. We believe that when a dinosaur knows

161. what's best for his family,

162. other dinosaurs shouldn't interfere.

163. And we believe that when a company knows

164. what's best for its community,

165. that community shouldn't interfere

166. with wasteful and demeaning regulations.

167. Something to think about as we celebrate freedom

168. on this Refrigerator Day.

169. From your friends at the Wesayso Corporation.

170. We'll do what's right if you leave us alone.

171. - Oh, ready? - Yeah.

172. Hi, kids.

173. Where's your mother?

174. She's in the kitchen.

175. - Fran, come out here. - Be right there.

176. I have a piece of bad news I want you all to share.

177. What is it, Earl?

178. - I drew the refrigerator. - That's great.

179. Then I drew on the refrigerator.

180. That's not as great.

181. And the wall, and the floor, and...

182. Let me get in my bad news.

183. - Cut it out! - OK.

184. Family, we have a little problem

185. that could affect all our lives in a negative way.

186. I'm not getting a Fridge Day bonus, and we're broke.

187. You bought our presents?

188. Right.

189. So where's the problem?

190. The problem is we have bills to pay.

191. Now what are we gonna do?

192. Well, he bought the presents. I still don't see a problem.

193. Hey, hey, we'll pull through. The bills can wait.

194. This is a special time of year.

195. Everyone's got the spirit of generosity

196. and just a little more understanding about getting paid late.

197. Repossessed?

198. Hey, pal, you're a half a day late on your payments.

199. On time we could overlook.

200. But half a day... it's out of here.

201. But-but not the fridge.

202. Please don't take the fridge.

203. Refrigerator Day is coming,

204. and we have children. Tell him, kids.

205. Come on, it's Fridge Day.

206. - Don't take the fridge! - Please.

207. Could you get this one off my leg.

208. Got your shoe wet.

209. Ooh.

210. I know we missed a payment,

211. but my husband didn't get his Fridge Day bonus.

212. Yeah. Couldn't you take another appliance instead?

213. Sorry. The boss likes to take the one

214. that puts you under the most pressure.

215. This time of year, of course, it's the fridge.

216. Oh, what a brilliant and evil dinosaur he must be!

217. Yeah, but he gave us a huge Fridge Day bonus.

218. - Oh, great. - Watch your feet.

219. Come on! Oh, wait!

220. Bye, fridge.

221. Oh, this is terrible. I failed my family.

222. I'm nothing. I'm dirt.

223. You're not dirt, Dad.

224. No, you're right. I'm beneath dirt.

225. I look up to dirt. I wish I was dirt. Dirt laughs at me.

226. - Earl, it'll be OK. - No, it won't, Fran.

227. This is gonna be the worst Refrigerator Day ever.

228. No! Ooh!

229. Does Dad seem a little depressed to you?

230. He's working it out, dear. He'll be fine.

231. Oh, fridgie,

232. I wonder what you're doing right now.

233. We have to do something.

234. We could get the fridge back.

235. Oh, right, Rob, let's just go down to the store and swipe it.

236. I'll take my extra large purse.

237. Wait a minute.

238. What if we tried to return the presents your father got for us

239. and use the money to buy back our old refrigerator?

240. Whoa!

241. Refrigerator Day without presents

242. is like two things that go together,

243. only one of them isn't there,

244. so the other one doesn't have the other thing to go with it.

245. Who says you're not deep?

246. I don't wanna give up the presents.

247. Besides, whoever heard of a store

248. giving dinosaurs back their money?

249. I know it's a strange concept, but we have to try.

250. This holiday is too important to your father

251. and he's beginning to lose faith.

252. Oh! Who am I kidding?

253. The fridge is gone, and we're starving.

254. Earl, we're not starving. We're fasting.

255. No, fasting is when there is food right in front of you,

256. but you don't eat it.

257. There's no food. This is starving!

258. - I'll get the presents. - Yeah.

259. Attention, Kave Mart shoppers.

260. Looking for that last-minute surprise Fridge Day gift?

261. It can be found on Level Three

262. in our last-minute surprise section.

263. Thank you very much, and happy shopping.

264. Excuse me, this is a little unusual,

265. but we want to return these items my husband purchased.

266. Return them? Gee, no one's ever done that before.

267. But I'm sure the store will appreciate it.

268. Thanks. Have a nice day. Just put 'em anywhere.

269. No no, no, we want to give you these things,

270. and have you give us our money back.

271. That makes no sense whatsoever.

272. It's a concept.

273. But we have tons of this junk.

274. Why would we want to buy more from you?

275. I tried to tell them.

276. Hmm. Hey, Hank, see if you can follow this.

277. We sold this stuff to these guys

278. and now they want to sell it back.

279. - At a profit? - I don't think so.

280. Were you planning on making a profit in this scheme of yours?

281. - Of course not. - If you're selling something,

282. you should make a profit. That's common sense.

283. We're not selling anything.

284. Oh, so now you've changed your tune.

285. This whole thing was just a clever ruse

286. to embarrass me in front of Hank, wasn't it?

287. No! Uh... OK.

288. Yes, we are selling this stuff. There.

289. Now, would you like to buy it

290. for exactly the same amount we paid for it?

291. Got it.

292. Ma'am, we are a store.

293. - You are a customer. - Mm-hm.

294. If we bought things from you,

295. then we'd be the customer and you'd be the store.

296. Do you want to be a store?

297. It's a lot of responsibility.

298. I wanna be a store! Well, he asked.

299. We don't want to be a store.

300. Look, the only way this makes sense to me

301. is if you'd willing to sell us that stuff

302. for less than what we paid for it in the first place.

303. All right, fine. Whatever.

304. - Mom, that's crazy. - Yeah.

305. Robbie, we need the money.

306. But less than wholesale? That's like nothing.

307. What kind of fridge could we buy for that?

308. Nice cooler.

309. Styrofoam?

310. It was all we could afford.

311. If nothing else, we learned a valuable lesson about markup.

312. - Happy Fridge Day, everybody. - Yeah, Dad.

313. I went to get your presents to salvage the holiday,

314. but it seems like they've been stolen,

315. so I'm going to the garage to hang myself.

316. Earl, we took those presents.

317. We returned them to get money to buy back our refrigerator.

318. You did? You did that for me?

319. Oh, Frannie, I'm so happy. Where is it?

320. Right over here.

321. It's all we could afford.

322. Oh! What an emotional roller coaster.

323. Move! I'm trying to draw the new refrigerator.

324. Oh, I'm so sorry I ruined your first Refrigerator Day.

325. Go ahead, junior,

326. bang my head real hard with this pot.

327. That's getting old.

328. Oh, look at how low I've sunk.

329. My own child refuses to hit me.

330. - Earl. - Huh?

331. Oof!

332. I'll always be there for you, fat boy.

333. Now, listen, all of you.

334. Our ancestors didn't have refrigerators.

335. That's what this whole day is about.

336. We remember what they didn't have

337. so we can appreciate what we do have,

338. a lovely family, a beautiful home,

339. all our hopes for the future.

340. If you think about it my way, we're blessed.

341. If you think about my way, you'd hang yourself.

342. Oh, Dad.

343. I want us to do the pageant.

344. At the risk of sounding immature,

345. I don't want to!

346. Earl, we do the Fridge Day pageant every year.

347. If you don't want to, we'll do it without you.

348. - Excuse me. - Bye.

349. Hey!

350. "A long, long time ago, life was miserable.

351. Nothing was important except finding food."

352. I am famished, but lo,

353. there's not a morsel left to eat.

354. The beast of hunger stirs within me too.

355. "Be still, beast," I cry,

356. but alas, it will not.

357. There is no more food in this place.

358. It is time to move on, my children.

359. - Yes. - To explore new lands,

360. to seek out new meats and vegetables.

361. "And so their relentless search for food continued on."

362. Now.

363. - Earl, it's your line. - I don't want to.

364. This is a family tradition

365. and without you, we're not a family.

366. Oh, all right.

367. There.

368. If only there was a way to store food,

369. this constant searching would be over.

370. "Then one day, the father of the family,

371. who was a great and wise dinosaur,

372. heard a voice."

373. Earl!

374. Huh? Oh!

375. Hark, I hear a voice,

376. yet with my eyes I see not its source.

377. A voice? Without a face?

378. Surely it cannot be.

379. "But the voice would not stop.

380. It said, 'Build a box that is cold inside.

381. Build a box that is cold inside.

382. Build a box that is cold inside...'"

383. Aah! The voice, it will not leave me.

384. We have to stop.

385. I must build a box.

386. Why? Must my father ship something?

387. "And so they stopped migrating,

388. and work on the box began.

389. The great one's family fretted greatly,

390. but they stood by him

391. until one day..."

392. It is done.

393. Ahh!

394. It is a fine box, Father. A good and mighty box.

395. A hearty and just box.

396. But nay, it is not cold inside.

397. Oh! We could throw it in the lake.

398. That would make it cold.

399. Oh, you are wise beyond your years, my son.

400. Quickly, into the lake.

401. "And the greatest invention of our time

402. was about to be tossed into a lake.

403. But luckily..."

404. Father, behold.

405. What is this pronged thing?

406. Hark. It is a plug.

407. What doth one do with it?

408. - Lo, plug it in. - Ah!

409. "And so it was.

410. And the refrigerator became cold

411. and migrating was finished forever.

412. Dinosaurs could now store food

413. and stay in one place.

414. And they were happy.

415. And so they sang."

416. God bless us, everyone.

417. Doh!

418. Oh!

419. Happy Fridge Day, Earl.

420. I'll get it. No no, I'll get it.

421. Fran, I love this pageant.

422. Who need presents? Who needs anything?

423. I may not have a refrigerator,

424. but I'm the luckiest guy in town.

425. It's like a miracle.

426. Whoa!

427. Do my eyes deceive me?

428. Not unless you see something

429. other than the trim figure of a guy pushing your refrigerator.

430. - That is what I see. - Then we're in sync.

431. We're giving it back to you.

432. B-b-but why? Not that I mind.

433. I told my boss your wife's idea about returning stuff,

434. and he liked it.

435. He thinks a return policy could give us the edge

436. we need to crush our competition,

437. become a monopoly and serve you better.

438. This is our way of saying thanks for the idea.

439. Happy Fridge Day!

440. Enjoy! Enjoy!

441. Oh, and here. I hope you don't think we're out of line,

442. but my boss called in a few favors

443. and we got you your Fridge Day bonus!

444. Bonus? Bonus, bonus, bonus!

445. We also have ice cream for the kids.

446. Great!

447. And to add to the holiday cheer,

448. we took the liberty of installing a few snow machines on your roof.

449. What?

450. It's snowing!

451. This is the way I always dreamed Fridge Day would be!

452. Now if we could just get a signature on this release form

453. signing away all rights, interest and claims

454. to the return policy concept...

455. Hey, you got it.

456. So, had yourself a little pageant, huh?

457. A little pageant?

458. We just had ourselves the most wonderful pageant imaginable.

459. It had significance.

460. It had sincere family value.

461. It had a spirituality that made me realize

462. what this holiday is all about.

463. The one we do at the department store

464. has an orchestra and lasers.

465. - Ooh! - Earl!

466. Plus everyone who attends is entitled

467. to 35 percent off all ladies' sportswear.

468. - Hmm. - Wow!

469. You retailers are really giving a new meaning to the holidays.

470. We're trying, Mr. Sinclair.

471. - OK. - Ready? Do it, Rob.

472. Here it goes!

473. - Whoa! - Ooh.

474. Yeah!

475. I love this time of year.

476. Happy Refrigerator Day!