1. Honey, I'm home.Copy !req
2. Whoa! There she
is, Caroline Foxworth.Copy !req
3. Who could resist
beauty like that?Copy !req
4. She has it all.Copy !req
5. A perfectly smooth complexion,
with just a hint of a nose,Copy !req
6. The kind of aqua scales
a guy could get lost inCopy !req
7. and a tail that wraps
right around my heart.Copy !req
8. I mean, I've asked
girls out before,Copy !req
9. but how do you approach
a reptilian goddess?Copy !req
10. Huh?Copy !req
11. - Ha!
- Ohh!Copy !req
12. - Ha!
- Pardon me.Copy !req
13. The name's Sinclair.
Robert Sinclair.Copy !req
14. Nah. That bites.
She'd see through that.Copy !req
15. It's gotta be something
more real, more believable.Copy !req
16. Yeow!Copy !req
17. 'Ello, gorgeous.Copy !req
18. Me and the lads are headin'
back to trash the hotel room.Copy !req
19. Like to come?Copy !req
20. Waaah!Copy !req
21. Ohh... Oh!Copy !req
22. Oh... My goodness.Copy !req
23. Are you OK?Copy !req
24. Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I, uh...Copy !req
25. Good.Copy !req
26. Dropped my... racket.Copy !req
27. Well, it's a start.Copy !req
28. I talked to her. She
knows who I am.Copy !req
29. Yeah, everybody knows.
You're a complete idiot.Copy !req
30. Hey! It's OK To make
mistakes. It's part of growing up.Copy !req
31. Yeah, it's part of growing
up a complete idiot.Copy !req
32. OK, you're so smart,
what do you say to girls?Copy !req
33. How do I know? I'm you.Copy !req
34. Huh?Copy !req
35. Unfortunately I'm all booked
up for Friday and Saturday night,Copy !req
36. but, uh, how about
the Sunday matinee?Copy !req
37. Oh, oh, Spike!Copy !req
38. Apparently, that's
what you say to girls.Copy !req
39. Yeah, but that's
Spike, you know.Copy !req
40. He's sleazy, slimy...Copy !req
41. Hey! He's booked
up for the weekend.Copy !req
42. But I'm much better
looking than him.Copy !req
43. Hey! No argument here.Copy !req
44. What am I doing?
She's making me crazy!Copy !req
45. I'm talking to my locker!Copy !req
46. Ohh! I got to forget
about Caroline Foxworth.Copy !req
47. Forget about girls.
Who needs 'em?Copy !req
48. I'll have more time for
studying, my friends, my family.Copy !req
49. - Wussy!
- Huh?Copy !req
50. Puppets!Copy !req
51. To which Lord
Burlington replied,Copy !req
52. "Madam, that is not my
wife. That is the archbishop!"Copy !req
53. That would explainCopy !req
54. his reluctance to
dance with me, yes.Copy !req
55. That and his
dreadful taste in hats.Copy !req
56. Oh dear!Copy !req
57. Hey, Franny, you got
to see this puppet show.Copy !req
58. It's terrific.Copy !req
59. Earl, that's for kids.Copy !req
60. You'd think that
because they're puppets,Copy !req
61. so it seems to have
a children's aesthetic,Copy !req
62. yet the dialogue is
unquestionably sharp-edged, witty,Copy !req
63. and thematically
skewed to adults.Copy !req
64. Oh, look.Copy !req
65. Here comes our
neighbor, Mr. Argyle.Copy !req
66. Ahh! Good day to
you, lassie and laddie.Copy !req
67. Where's that athletic
son of yours, eh?Copy !req
68. Well he's...Copy !req
69. Hello, Mummy and Daddy.Copy !req
70. He's here.Copy !req
71. Look who I brought
home for dinner.Copy !req
72. Oh! Don't you bring that
pair of hose into this house!Copy !req
73. I'm tellin' you, Fran, this
show works on two levels.Copy !req
74. They look like puppets.Copy !req
75. I'm not watching.Copy !req
76. Hello, Mom. Hello, Dad. It's
good to be home. How are you?Copy !req
77. We're fine, dear.
How was your day?Copy !req
78. Fine! And it wasn't
humiliating, it wasn't degrading,Copy !req
79. and it certainly wasn't
emasculating, OK?Copy !req
80. OK!Copy !req
81. That's not what I heard.Copy !req
82. What did you hear?Copy !req
83. I don't think Robbie
would want me to tell.Copy !req
84. - It's pretty embarrassing.
- I understand.Copy !req
85. So here's what happened.Copy !req
86. Robbie's got the hots
for Caroline Foxworth.Copy !req
87. She's totally out of his league.Copy !req
88. So today he tried
to ask her out.Copy !req
89. That meant he had to put
a few sentences togetherCopy !req
90. and, of course, that
was the end of that.Copy !req
91. Ha!Copy !req
92. Earl, I think he may
need a father-son talk.Copy !req
93. How come I always
have to do those?Copy !req
94. There are times when a boy
needs a strong male influence.Copy !req
95. - Now get in there!
- Whoa!Copy !req
96. Yes, dear.Copy !req
97. Son, your mother thinks it's
time we had a father-son talk.Copy !req
98. So... if we just sit here
quietly for a few minutesCopy !req
99. and move our mouths
we'll both be off the hook.Copy !req
100. That's fine with me.Copy !req
101. And now back to Love Confession.Copy !req
102. So, Sandra, tell us
about your date with Bob.Copy !req
103. Well, Chuck, he
picked me up at eightCopy !req
104. and he wasn't very good-looking.Copy !req
105. He tried to kiss me,Copy !req
106. - and he was a bad kisser.
- Huh?Copy !req
107. I don't think he'd ever
been out with a girl before.Copy !req
108. He kept telling jokes
that weren't funny at all.Copy !req
109. To tell the truth, Chuck,
I felt sorry for him.Copy !req
110. Well, Sandra, let's see how
Bob felt about the evening.Copy !req
111. Oh...Copy !req
112. Maybe we should talk.Copy !req
113. Dad, when you were my age,Copy !req
114. did you have a lot of
experience with girls?Copy !req
115. Hey! When it came
to sowing wild oats,Copy !req
116. I was quite the seamstress.Copy !req
117. So, what do girls want anyway?Copy !req
118. Ahh, the age-old question.Copy !req
119. What do girls want?Copy !req
120. Um...Copy !req
121. Well, first of all, you can
forget anything we want,Copy !req
122. which basically
leaves... curtains.Copy !req
123. Curtains?Copy !req
124. It's inexplicable, Son,
but that's what they want,Copy !req
125. and they want 'em in every room.Copy !req
126. But, if we have nothing
in common with them,Copy !req
127. why do we spend our whole
lives letting them drive us crazy?Copy !req
128. I've often asked that myself.Copy !req
129. After all, males are most at home
in the company of other males.Copy !req
130. Take Roy for example.
He's my best friend.Copy !req
131. We have a lot in common,Copy !req
132. but whenever I see him at night,Copy !req
133. when the moonlight bathes
his face in a soft, romantic glow...Copy !req
134. it sends me running
home to your mother.Copy !req
135. Yeah. So how did youCopy !req
136. approach a female
on your first date?Copy !req
137. Aah, first one?Copy !req
138. Well, I'll have to think back.Copy !req
139. Oh, yeah! I remember.Copy !req
140. I went up to her and I said,Copy !req
141. "Hi, Fran. Want to go out?"Copy !req
142. And she said yes.
Then I proposed,Copy !req
143. so I'd never have to
go through that again.Copy !req
144. I said yes because
your father hasCopy !req
145. what females are most
attracted to in a male...Copy !req
146. Sensitivity.Copy !req
147. Sensitivity? Huh.Copy !req
148. Aw, jeez.Copy !req
149. Robbie, are you OK?Copy !req
150. Oh, it's just something
I heard in science class.Copy !req
151. The continents,
they're drifting apart,Copy !req
152. and I feel that
somehow it's my fault.Copy !req
153. I guess I'm just
a little... sensitive.Copy !req
154. Robbie, I've never seen
this side of you before.Copy !req
155. - Yeah.
- It's really pathetic.Copy !req
156. Huh?Copy !req
157. Hmmm.Copy !req
158. Nice technique. You learn
that one from your mommy?Copy !req
159. Hey, I'm doin' OK here. She'll
come around. Give her time.Copy !req
160. I don't know, kid. You want her
to come around in this lifetime,Copy !req
161. you might want to try
something that, uh, works...Copy !req
162. Just for a change of pace.Copy !req
163. Oh, and you have
all the answers?Copy !req
164. Oh, I think I know
enough to get you...Copy !req
165. oh, like, how about
any girl you want?Copy !req
166. Yeah? Like how?Copy !req
167. Listen, skippy, I
have a busy schedule.Copy !req
168. - Time is money.
- What do you want from me?Copy !req
169. Money.Copy !req
170. You expect me to pay you?Copy !req
171. You expect me to talk to you?Copy !req
172. That's crazy! I don't
need your help that bad.Copy !req
173. Oh, "The continents are
drifting apart." That's very good.Copy !req
174. All right, all right. Uh...
Ten dollars to start OK?Copy !req
175. Hmm. All right, that pays
for the last five minutes.Copy !req
176. OK, this is a very
popular young female,Copy !req
177. so you have to move
in on the competition.Copy !req
178. Now, have you seen her
talking to any other males?Copy !req
179. You mean like boyfriends?Copy !req
180. Any other males!Copy !req
181. She was just talking to
Mr. Pullman, the science teacher.Copy !req
182. Kill him.Copy !req
183. But couldn't I do
something more romantic?Copy !req
184. Ah! Hearts are romantic.Copy !req
185. You could tear his
out and give it to her.Copy !req
186. Uh, I was thinking something
more like an ID bracelet.Copy !req
187. Oh, no! This civilization thing
has got you whipped good.Copy !req
188. Yeah, but isn't
that what girls like?Copy !req
189. First of all, platehead, she's
not a girl, she's an animal.Copy !req
190. You're an animal,
so act like an animal.Copy !req
191. So what am I supposed
to do, grunt at her?Copy !req
192. - Ah! Breakthrough.
- Yeah.Copy !req
193. Hey, there she is again.Copy !req
194. Here's your chance, sparky.Copy !req
195. What do I do, just growl?Copy !req
196. Growl, give her a good sniff.Copy !req
197. You're an animal. Just
do what comes natural.Copy !req
198. OK.Copy !req
199. Yeah.Copy !req
200. Go on.Copy !req
201. Robbie! What are you doing?Copy !req
202. Uh...Copy !req
203. Oh!Copy !req
204. Hey! Hey! Congratulations!Copy !req
205. You made a very big impression.Copy !req
206. - She hit me!
- You got yourself some tail!Copy !req
207. Hmm? Yeah. Maybe I did.Copy !req
208. You're on your way,
kid. Good luck. Bye-bye.Copy !req
209. Uh... Wait! Wait! I could
use some more advice.Copy !req
210. Hmm. What a coincidence.Copy !req
211. I could use some more money.Copy !req
212. OK.Copy !req
213. OK, this is her house,Copy !req
214. this is her yard, this is
her shrubbery. We're here.Copy !req
215. Yeah, all right, so... So I
throw pebbles at the window,Copy !req
216. she looks out, and then
you hide behind the treeCopy !req
217. and whisper poems for me to say?Copy !req
218. Grow up, scooter.Copy !req
219. Did you drink the
water like I told you to?Copy !req
220. Yeah. Eight glasses. I
sure could use a bathroom.Copy !req
221. That is why we're
here, Sinclair.Copy !req
222. When a young male
wants to claim a female,Copy !req
223. he stakes his claim
by marking her territory.Copy !req
224. So... go ahead,Copy !req
225. knock yourself out.Copy !req
226. Um... OK.Copy !req
227. Uh...Copy !req
228. OK, OK, OK.Copy !req
229. Hey, I can't do this!Copy !req
230. Think about what's at stake.Copy !req
231. Think about Caroline.Copy !req
232. Think about... putting your
hand in some warm water.Copy !req
233. Ooh... Ooh... Ooh!Copy !req
234. Now what's the matter?Copy !req
235. I can't mark territory when
somebody's watching me.Copy !req
236. Fine. So start on the
other side of the house.Copy !req
237. Oh, OK.Copy !req
238. And don't hit your shoes,Copy !req
239. or you're walking home alone.Copy !req
240. Gotcha.Copy !req
241. Attention! This is the police!Copy !req
242. Hey, we got company, Sinclair!Copy !req
243. Shake a leg!Copy !req
244. Oh, boy.Copy !req
245. Hey! You there! Somebody
put a lot of love in that garden!Copy !req
246. You cut that out!Copy !req
247. I don't think I can.Copy !req
248. Hmm? All right!Copy !req
249. Eh?Copy !req
250. Come on out of there!Copy !req
251. Evening, Officer...Copy !req
252. The fun's over, boys.
You're under arrest.Copy !req
253. Come on!Copy !req
254. Hey! OK, OK.Copy !req
255. George, grab that
bush. It's evidence.Copy !req
256. Huh? You grab it!Copy !req
257. Hey! Excellent work, Sinclair.Copy !req
258. Huh?Copy !req
259. You got her attention.Copy !req
260. Uh...Copy !req
261. Yeah, yeah, yeah!Copy !req
262. Ohh!Copy !req
263. Come on!Copy !req
264. But they're just boys, Officer.Copy !req
265. That may be, Mrs. Sinclair,Copy !req
266. but the commission of a number
one is a very serious offense.Copy !req
267. Mm-hm.Copy !req
268. Let me handle this.Copy !req
269. Uh... Officers, my
wife doesn't understandCopy !req
270. the intricacies of the
criminal justice system.Copy !req
271. I'm sure there's some sort of
arrangement we could come to...Copy !req
272. just between us, that's to
everyone's mutual benefit.Copy !req
273. - Are you trying to bribe us?
- No!Copy !req
274. - Because we think you should.
- Yeah.Copy !req
275. Oh. So, what, I just
hand you the cash?Copy !req
276. Right.Copy !req
277. And we hand you these ticketsCopy !req
278. to a charity event
that was never held.Copy !req
279. Thank you. I'm sure
I had a good time.Copy !req
280. Good night. Bye!Copy !req
281. - Thank you.
- Bye.Copy !req
282. Bye!Copy !req
283. Crooks.Copy !req
284. Oh, boy. What a day.
Well, good night, everybody.Copy !req
285. - Sit down!
- Oh.Copy !req
286. From this point on you will
speak only when spoken to.Copy !req
287. I have things to say to you
and your hoodlum friend.Copy !req
288. - Do we have to listen to this?
- Hey!Copy !req
289. Don't stop him. This is great.Copy !req
290. The mommy-daddy
ritual, reading the riot act,Copy !req
291. putting your parental foot down.Copy !req
292. It's a beautiful thing.Copy !req
293. Do your stuff.Copy !req
294. This is how you choose
to spend your evening?Copy !req
295. Breaking the law? Making
a nuisance of yourself?Copy !req
296. Excuse me.Copy !req
297. I gotta stop you
there, Mr. Sinclair.Copy !req
298. Tonight's exploits were, in
fact, not young Robert's fault.Copy !req
299. Oh?Copy !req
300. He's the victim
of peer pressure.Copy !req
301. He's fallen in with
a bad influence.Copy !req
302. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.Copy !req
303. I filled his head with a
lot of questionable ideas.Copy !req
304. Can I get anybody anything?Copy !req
305. - A brewski, Mr. Sinclair?
- Oh, thank you.Copy !req
306. Earl! The police just
brought your son home.Copy !req
307. Let the male of the household
handle this one, Fran.Copy !req
308. You go upstairs.Copy !req
309. Things could get pretty rough in
here when I lay into these boys.Copy !req
310. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
311. Right.Copy !req
312. Hey, you want a glass with this?Copy !req
313. Oh, appreciate it.Copy !req
314. Uh, now! Uh... Uh...Copy !req
315. Where was I?Copy !req
316. You were pointing the
fatherly finger of blame.Copy !req
317. And even though
young Robbie was caughtCopy !req
318. with his pants
down, so to speak,Copy !req
319. he was merely pursuing
the female of the species.Copy !req
320. And I'm sure even
you, as a youth,Copy !req
321. fell prey to a well-turned tail.Copy !req
322. Am I right?Copy !req
323. Well, I may have
played love's foolCopy !req
324. once or twice.Copy !req
325. Ow! Oof!Copy !req
326. That's what happened to me, Dad!Copy !req
327. Caroline Foxworth's
on my mind all the time.Copy !req
328. I can't think straight.Copy !req
329. It's the ladies, Mr. Sinclair.Copy !req
330. We males are just the victims.Copy !req
331. They weave their spells.
They confuse our minds.Copy !req
332. They break our hearts,Copy !req
333. and who ends up in
trouble with the police?Copy !req
334. We do!Copy !req
335. Oh, you're right!Copy !req
336. - Yes.
- Yes.Copy !req
337. Upsy-daisy there, sir.Copy !req
338. Uh... Glad to be of help.Copy !req
339. Thank you.Copy !req
340. I see it all now.Copy !req
341. It's all so clear.Copy !req
342. Earl, is everything all
straightened out now?Copy !req
343. - You bet it is. It was you!
- Me?Copy !req
344. You foul temptress,
weaver of spells!Copy !req
345. What?Copy !req
346. Don't try to cloud my mind.Copy !req
347. These boys are mere victims
of the treachery of you females.Copy !req
348. Where's Spike?Copy !req
349. He's right...Copy !req
350. Did you let Spike just
walk out of this room?Copy !req
351. Well, I...Copy !req
352. Did you lose control
of the entire situation?Copy !req
353. Lose control? I'm the
mighty megalosaurus!Copy !req
354. Yes, dear.Copy !req
355. Robbie, go to your room.Copy !req
356. But Dad said...Copy !req
357. I don't care what he
said! You're grounded.Copy !req
358. Yes, ma'am. Yes,
ma'am. Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
359. - Grouch!
- Franny?Copy !req
360. You know, I'm sure
Robbie didn't notice,Copy !req
361. but it's kind of embarrassing when
you undercut my authority like that.Copy !req
362. You're making that
noise again, sweetheart,Copy !req
363. just like the last
time you were rightCopy !req
364. and I was really, really wrong.Copy !req
365. I'm on the couch
again tonight, aren't I?Copy !req
366. I can't believe...Copy !req
367. Night-night.Copy !req
368. Doh!Copy !req
369. Ahh, jeez!Copy !req
370. - Open up.
- I don't like that.Copy !req
371. What?Copy !req
372. I don't like that.Copy !req
373. I don't like that.Copy !req
374. Eat this!Copy !req
375. - OK. Ahh.
- Ahh.Copy !req
376. All right, now look.
Be a good baby brotherCopy !req
377. and fall asleep or something.Copy !req
378. How come you're the baby-sitter?Copy !req
379. Because I got grounded.Copy !req
380. - I'm your punishment?
- Yep.Copy !req
381. I like that.Copy !req
382. I'm happy you're happy.Copy !req
383. Why did you get grounded?Copy !req
384. Because of this girl Caroline.Copy !req
385. She nice?Copy !req
386. Yeah, she's pretty hot.Copy !req
387. - Hot! Don't touch!
- No.Copy !req
388. This is the kinda hot
you want to touch.Copy !req
389. I don't get it.Copy !req
390. Neither do I.Copy !req
391. I'm ho-ome!Copy !req
392. Who ca-ares?Copy !req
393. Uh, can I get you
something? Juice? Milk?Copy !req
394. Eight glasses of water?Copy !req
395. Eat tar and die.Copy !req
396. Be nice, or I won't tell
you who I saw at the mall.Copy !req
397. Who cares?Copy !req
398. Not interested in Caroline
Foxworth anymore?Copy !req
399. She's hot! Wanna touch!Copy !req
400. Spike thought so. He
was, like, all over her.Copy !req
401. What?Copy !req
402. I upset you? What
was I thinking?Copy !req
403. Oh, now I remember.Copy !req
404. Spike and Caroline talking
together at the same table.Copy !req
405. - I'm sure it was innocent.
- That back-stabbing lizard!Copy !req
406. Taking advantage of the
situation to move in on my girl!Copy !req
407. Don't be ridiculous. It's not
his fault you're grounded.Copy !req
408. - Oh, wait. It is.
- I can't believe this!Copy !req
409. Shame you got to sit here
all night long worrying about it.Copy !req
410. Good night!Copy !req
411. I don't get it.Copy !req
412. I heard you got thrown
out of your old schoolCopy !req
413. because you ate the principal.Copy !req
414. I have a little
problem with authority.Copy !req
415. Hey! You got a bigger
problem than that.Copy !req
416. You talking to me, squirt?Copy !req
417. I don't see any
other back-stabbing,Copy !req
418. bottom-feeding, scum-sucking
maggot in this hall.Copy !req
419. Oh! Such language.Copy !req
420. You kiss your mommy
with that mouth?Copy !req
421. Oh! You're good.Copy !req
422. You got me grounded,
then you moved right in.Copy !req
423. Pardon me a minute, my lovely.Copy !req
424. The boy needs a
little adult supervision.Copy !req
425. Don't you need to get homeCopy !req
426. and rotate the tires on
your scooter, scooter?Copy !req
427. Oh, yeah? Rotate this!Copy !req
428. All right, all right.
How's this for primitive?Copy !req
429. Impressive. Now toss me on
the floor and kick me in the ribs.Copy !req
430. What?Copy !req
431. You wanted the girl,Copy !req
432. I'm getting you the girl.Copy !req
433. Now come on.Copy !req
434. Show her you're
an animal. Kick me.Copy !req
435. Uh...Copy !req
436. Take that! And this!Copy !req
437. - And that!
- Jeez!Copy !req
438. - And that!
- Nice.Copy !req
439. - I think you've had enough.
- Agreed.Copy !req
440. Just stay away from
my female from now on!Copy !req
441. You got it.Copy !req
442. - Ha!
- Thanks.Copy !req
443. Sorry you had to
see that, little lady.Copy !req
444. So am I. That was
unbelievably immature.Copy !req
445. - What?
- What?Copy !req
446. You acted like a
couple of wild animals.Copy !req
447. It was disgusting.Copy !req
448. Girls like that. You're supposed
to want to go out with me now.Copy !req
449. If you want to go out with me,Copy !req
450. why do this all this
phony, macho posturing?Copy !req
451. Why don't you just ask me out?Copy !req
452. Well, do you want to go out?Copy !req
453. No.Copy !req
454. Huh?Copy !req
455. She blew me off.Copy !req
456. Well, situations like
this happen, scooter.Copy !req
457. No one's to blame...
certainly not me.Copy !req
458. I want my money back.Copy !req
459. A fine display of male
aggressiveness like that,Copy !req
460. and she walks away.Copy !req
461. I tell you, Sinclair,
civilization is killing romance.Copy !req
462. Hey, buddy, I want
my money back.Copy !req
463. Look, we both know
that's not going to happen.Copy !req
464. But for your investment so far,Copy !req
465. I'm prepared to offer
you the following.Copy !req
466. - Huh?
- You get to hang out with me.Copy !req
467. Why would I want to?Copy !req
468. You didn't deliver. You
didn't get me the girl.Copy !req
469. Hey, look, scooter, I always
get the girl. I never miss.Copy !req
470. I hang out with you, I miss.Copy !req
471. You're trouble for me. You're
bringing my average down.Copy !req
472. What you think we ought
to do about that? Huh?Copy !req
473. - You never miss?
- Nope.Copy !req
474. - Not once?
- Ask around.Copy !req
475. Maybe I just need to
hang around with you more.Copy !req
476. Could be.Copy !req
477. I don't have any more money.Copy !req
478. - Got any food in your house?
- Yeah.Copy !req
479. Well, we'll talk.Copy !req
480. Oh, Spike. Where you going?Copy !req
481. I was going to your house.Copy !req
482. - What kinda food you got?
- All kinds.Copy !req
483. - Got any girls there?
- No.Copy !req
484. You're supposed
to find me girls.Copy !req
485. Oh, yeah. That's what I do.Copy !req