1. All right, Chuck, we're gonnaCopy !req
2. walk you through the commercial here.Copy !req
3. Now, as you know,Copy !req
4. the camera is gonna be the point of viewCopy !req
5. of the little Husky Boy shopper,Copy !req
6. so we open on:Copy !req
7. he enters the store.Copy !req
8. The camera pans up. He looks to Mom.Copy !req
9. It comes back down.Copy !req
10. We see a bunch of fat
little boys in suits.Copy !req
11. - Husky boys.
- I'm sorry?Copy !req
12. We don't call 'em
fat. We call 'em husky.Copy !req
13. Oh. Okay, sure.Copy !req
14. Then we see some tennis outfitsCopy !req
15. being worn by a couple real chunkers.Copy !req
16. - Husky boys.
- I'm sorry?Copy !req
17. Again, we call 'em husky boys.Copy !req
18. Oh, you're not just objecting to "fat."Copy !req
19. You don't like any of the terms.Copy !req
20. Oh, we just prefer to use "husky."Copy !req
21. Got it. Okay.Copy !req
22. To bring it all home,Copy !req
23. we feature your soon-to-be-famousCopy !req
24. elastic band jeansCopy !req
25. being worn by a real
blue-ribbon butterball.Copy !req
26. I apologize. That is
what's written down there.Copy !req
27. I am sorry about that. Husky boy.Copy !req
28. Being worn by a husky boy.Copy !req
29. - It's not as good.
- No, it definitely isn't.Copy !req
30. Then in our dramatic conclusion,Copy !req
31. we see two chubby little hands...Copy !req
32. - Husky.
- Even the hands?Copy !req
33. - Everything.
- All right.Copy !req
34. - Uh, we see two husky hands...
- Ugh!Copy !req
35. - Not covered in chocolate.
- That kills me.Copy !req
36. They reach down, pick up
a pair of Husky Boy jeans.Copy !req
37. Stretch this out a little bit.Copy !req
38. Yeah, stretch it out a little bit.Copy !req
39. He looks up. Mom smiles.Copy !req
40. He's gonna look great.Copy !req
41. End of commercial.Copy !req
42. - Nice. Yeah.
- Thank you.Copy !req
43. Maybe a tagline at the end,
you know, to bring it all home?Copy !req
44. Uh, you know what? We
haven't landed on one yet,Copy !req
45. but we'll write up 100
and bring you the best one.Copy !req
46. Actually, we do have
a couple great ones.Copy !req
47. Uh, no we don't. The meeting's over.Copy !req
48. Let's see, uh, "Husky Boys:Copy !req
49. keep your wallet as fat as your kid."Copy !req
50. - That seems a little offensive.
- Sure does, Sam.Copy !req
51. Sorry, we don't have
one yet. I apologize.Copy !req
52. "Don't spend a chunk on your chunk."Copy !req
53. No.Copy !req
54. We don't have it yet.Copy !req
55. I'm sure you'll come up with something.Copy !req
56. - Oh, definitely.
- You know, I don't knowCopy !req
57. if I ever told you this,Copy !req
58. but I actually worked with your fatherCopy !req
59. when I was at Hudson's Department Store.Copy !req
60. I was actually at the meeting when,Copy !req
61. you know, he went nuts.Copy !req
62. I prefer "bonkers."Copy !req
63. Oh. Of course. Bonkers.Copy !req
64. - Thank you.
- Yeah, he came inCopy !req
65. to pitch an ad for our
back to school sale,Copy !req
66. and he had us close our
eyes, and when we opened them,Copy !req
67. he had pulled out this briefcase.Copy !req
68. Swear to God,Copy !req
69. it was filled to the brim with shit.Copy !req
70. And he walked around the tableCopy !req
71. and put a little handful
in front of each of us.Copy !req
72. As he made his way up the table,Copy !req
73. I realized he only had
the front half of his suit.Copy !req
74. He had cut out the rest.Copy !req
75. Totally naked in the back.Copy !req
76. I found that to be odd.Copy !req
77. So there we were, sitting there,Copy !req
78. little servings of shit in front of us,Copy !req
79. staring at this half-naked man,Copy !req
80. and you know what?Copy !req
81. We were still waiting for
him to bring it all home.Copy !req
82. That's how good he was, man.Copy !req
83. Big Hank Cramblin.Copy !req
84. They don't make 'em like that anymore.Copy !req
85. Thank you for telling
me that story, sir.Copy !req
86. "Husky Boy Jeans.Copy !req
87. They're not food, but
you'll still love them."Copy !req
88. - Closer.
- We don't have it!Copy !req
89. I mean, I guess I
just don't want to feelCopy !req
90. like I'm being censored
in front of a client.Copy !req
91. No, no, no, and I don't
want you to feel that way.Copy !req
92. I was just feeling a little
off 'cause I kept forgettingCopy !req
93. to call the fat kids "husky."Copy !req
94. That was so funny.Copy !req
95. I mean, you always call them fat.Copy !req
96. That's what they are.Copy !req
97. Where is Sheila?Copy !req
98. Tim, finally, a mystery.Copy !req
99. Yes.Copy !req
100. - Mystery solved.
- Yeah.Copy !req
101. Get me a box of those pens I like.Copy !req
102. Set me up with a massage at 2:00.Copy !req
103. And see if you can get ahold of Emilio.Copy !req
104. Have him come overCopy !req
105. and measure me for some new suits.Copy !req
106. You got it, Big Hank.Copy !req
107. Hey, Dad.Copy !req
108. Tim, Sam.Copy !req
109. They let you out?Copy !req
110. Of the nuthouse?Copy !req
111. Yeah, got released this morning.Copy !req
112. I'm back.Copy !req
113. You ain't shit.Copy !req
114. Never said I was.Copy !req
115. Well, you've implied it.Copy !req
116. What is going on in there?Copy !req
117. Right?Copy !req
118. I've never made anybodyCopy !req
119. laugh like that my entire life.Copy !req
120. - Well, me.
- Yeah, you.Copy !req
121. So I said, "Fine, Doc,Copy !req
122. "but if you think you're gettingCopy !req
123. those pajamas back,
you're crazy."Copy !req
124. It is great to have you back, Hank.Copy !req
125. Thank you.Copy !req
126. We missed Cramblin Advertising.Copy !req
127. We didn't go anywhere, and
it's Cramblin-Duvet now.Copy !req
128. That's me, so...Copy !req
129. Tim, you remember LeslieCopy !req
130. from Better Made Potato Chips?Copy !req
131. Yes, Sam and I pitched you
an idea about a boat captainCopy !req
132. piloting a battleship down
a river made of potato chips.Copy !req
133. You said you'd think about
it and get back to us.Copy !req
134. That was three years ago.Copy !req
135. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
136. Sorry about that.Copy !req
137. The answer is no.Copy !req
138. - Sure.
- We figured.Copy !req
139. It's just good to know sometimes.Copy !req
140. Well, it's great to
have you back, Big Hank.Copy !req
141. Thank you, Leslie. Thank you so much.Copy !req
142. Guys, you ready to wine and
dine Dan from Downriver Ale?Copy !req
143. Top of the Pontch.Copy !req
144. Oh, Dad, Sam and I should stay here.Copy !req
145. Tim, Top of the Pontch.Copy !req
146. We have to come up with
taglines for Husky Boys.Copy !req
147. Small potatoes.Copy !req
148. Let's go reel us in a
big fish from Downriver.Copy !req
149. So I drop the knife.Copy !req
150. My hands are covered in blood.Copy !req
151. And here comes HankCopy !req
152. riding a motorcycle he
stole from God knows where.Copy !req
153. I hop on, shut my eyes,Copy !req
154. and the next thing I know,
we're back in San Diego!Copy !req
155. I don't get it.Copy !req
156. Did Dan from Downriver
Ale kill a guy in Mexico?Copy !req
157. I mean, I think so?Copy !req
158. Four Downriver Ales.Copy !req
159. Yeah, what are you guys having?Copy !req
160. I-I thought one of those was for me.Copy !req
161. Yeah, I guess we'll
have four beers each too.Copy !req
162. Give us four hanger steaks, rare,Copy !req
163. all the sides the table can hold,Copy !req
164. and, well, another round.Copy !req
165. I wanted the filet.Copy !req
166. To our wives and girlfriends.Copy !req
167. May they never meet!Copy !req
168. Oh! Hey, Dan, let's talk turkey.Copy !req
169. You know, I have to say something.Copy !req
170. I didn't particularly like that joke.Copy !req
171. I love my wife.Copy !req
172. - Well, sure, kid. I was just...
- I respect her.Copy !req
173. And before I tell a joke,
I like to ask myself,Copy !req
174. "If she was sitting right next
to me, would I tell this joke?"Copy !req
175. That comment crossed the line.
I don't think it was very funny.Copy !req
176. It's great to see you
again, Hank, but...Copy !req
177. everybody at Downriver
Ale is happy where we are.Copy !req
178. Our ads are hilarious.Copy !req
179. People love 'em.Copy !req
180. Yeah, they are funny.Copy !req
181. Tim, Sam, what's your favorite beer?Copy !req
182. - Downriver Ale.
- Why is that?Copy !req
183. Because you drank it.Copy !req
184. I used to steal his
beers from the fridgeCopy !req
185. in the garage while he was at work.Copy !req
186. I always wondered how my
six-packs became four-packs.Copy !req
187. You know, Dan, your
commercials are funny.Copy !req
188. But there's nothing funny
about the feeling you getCopy !req
189. when you steal a beer
out of your dad's fridge.Copy !req
190. Do you want to be the funny beer?Copy !req
191. You go ahead.Copy !req
192. With us, Downriver Ale, it's no joke.Copy !req
193. To our mouths and buttholes.Copy !req
194. May they never meet.Copy !req
195. - Yes.
- Hear, hear.Copy !req
196. Now, that's a good joke.Copy !req
197. Sheila, pot of coffee, two aspirin.Copy !req
198. Waiting on your desk, Big Hank.Copy !req
199. Best in the business, baby!Copy !req
200. I can't believe how much they drank.Copy !req
201. What about me?Copy !req
202. I had two pieces of chocolate cake.Copy !req
203. Yeah, what was that?Copy !req
204. Nobody else got dessert.Copy !req
205. We had to sit there and
watch you for 20 minutes.Copy !req
206. Oh, so that's the top story now?Copy !req
207. That I had two pieces of cake for lunch?Copy !req
208. It's page one, baby.Copy !req
209. Shut up.Copy !req
210. "Husky Boys:Copy !req
211. "Technically girlsCopy !req
212. can shop here too."Copy !req
213. That's great.Copy !req
214. "Husky Boys:Copy !req
215. We're gonna hide the way you look."Copy !req
216. "Husky Boys: the official
wardrobe of the Klumps."Copy !req
217. "Husky Boys: 'Cause you can't wearCopy !req
218. a little sailor suit forever."Copy !req
219. "Husky Boys: the belts
are just for show."Copy !req
220. "Husky Boys:Copy !req
221. Chode style."Copy !req
222. "Husky Boys: Propeller
hat not included."Copy !req
223. And that's 100.Copy !req
224. Well, which one's the best one?Copy !req
225. - None of them.
- Well, we tried.Copy !req
226. I'm gonna go run some
of these by my dad.Copy !req
227. Hey, Dad.Copy !req
228. Uh, you mind if we runCopy !req
229. some of these Husky Boy taglines by you?Copy !req
230. Oh, can't, son.Copy !req
231. Got Liberty Airlines
first thing tomorrow.Copy !req
232. Lot of catching up to do.Copy !req
233. Okay, cool.Copy !req
234. Uh, do you need any help with those?Copy !req
235. I think I got it.Copy !req
236. Maybe I'll meet up with
you guys later on tonight.Copy !req
237. Sounds good.Copy !req
238. Frank Franklin.Copy !req
239. That was one of the first commercialsCopy !req
240. we ever did together.Copy !req
241. Yeah, we heard that melody
in another commercialCopy !req
242. and we were like, "Let's just use that."Copy !req
243. I'm gonna miss being in charge.Copy !req
244. Yeah, it was a good run, though, pal.Copy !req
245. Oh, sure was.Copy !req
246. Guards at the Wayne
County Insane AsylumCopy !req
247. went on strike this morning
after their paychecks bounced.Copy !req
248. When pressed for comment,Copy !req
249. lawmakers said it was not
a mistake, saying, quoteCopy !req
250. "We were just hoping
they wouldn't notice."Copy !req
251. And while the cats were
away, the mice escaped,Copy !req
252. as shown in this
security footage.Copy !req
253. - Damn it, he's still nuts!
- Bonkers.Copy !req
254. Tonight, dangerous lunaticsCopy !req
255. are scattered around
the city of Detroit.Copy !req
256. But what else is new, right?Copy !req
257. We'll be right back
with sports, weather,Copy !req
258. and my Chump of the Week.Copy !req
259. Stick with us.Copy !req
260. All right, let's go get 'em.Copy !req
261. Well, Tim, we can't miss
Mort Crim's Chump of the Week.Copy !req
262. - Come on, Sam.
- Tim, Chump of the Week.Copy !req
263. - Come on!
- Ugh!Copy !req
264. Stupid.Copy !req
265. There's a gigantic man in your office.Copy !req
266. He gave me some great
notes on a commercial,Copy !req
267. and then he asked me to cut
out the back half of his suit.Copy !req
268. Yeah, we're on it. That's my dad.Copy !req
269. That's your dad?Copy !req
270. Yeah.Copy !req
271. You did not come from that.Copy !req
272. Yes, I did. It's my dad.Copy !req
273. Good night, guys.Copy !req
274. Good night.Copy !req
275. And that sucker is Mort
Crim's Chump of the Week.Copy !req
276. Good night, Detroit.Copy !req
277. Damn it, Tim.Copy !req
278. We missed the Chump of the Week.Copy !req
279. And you know Mort
doesn't put stuff online.Copy !req
280. I'm sorry.Copy !req
281. Wayne County Insane Asylum.Copy !req
282. Hi, this is Tim Cramblin from
Cramblin-Duvet Advertising.Copy !req
283. We have one of your lunatics.Copy !req
284. - It's my dad, Hank Cramblin.
- Oh, okay.Copy !req
285. I need to put you in
contact with the orderliesCopy !req
286. who are rounding up the patients.Copy !req
287. They're putting me in
touch with the orderliesCopy !req
288. who are rounding up all the patients.Copy !req
289. Oh, cool.Copy !req
290. - Hello?
- Hello, boys.Copy !req
291. I have the son of one
of the escaped patients.Copy !req
292. Thanks, Helen. Put him through.Copy !req
293. This is Darron. How may I help you?Copy !req
294. Uh, yeah, hi.Copy !req
295. Uh, we have my dad,Copy !req
296. who escaped from your asylum.Copy !req
297. Is anyone in danger?Copy !req
298. No, he seems fine.Copy !req
299. Okay, if you can,
bring him in yourselves.Copy !req
300. We got a lot of nutballs to scoop up.Copy !req
301. No offense to your father.Copy !req
302. Oh, none taken.Copy !req
303. We'll bring him in, okay?Copy !req
304. Okay. Thank you, sir.Copy !req
305. Thank you.Copy !req
306. There go one of 'em right there!Copy !req
307. Get him.Copy !req
308. Hey, Pop.Copy !req
309. Good evening, Mr. Cramblin.Copy !req
310. I was going through some stuff,Copy !req
311. found this video of
an old Christmas party.Copy !req
312. Whoa, what's Santa
got old Wallace here?Copy !req
313. What? It's an empty
bottle of gin, Wallace.Copy !req
314. Oh, Wallace.Copy !req
315. We found so many in your desk,Copy !req
316. we figured you collected them.Copy !req
317. What'd you get me, Santa Hank?Copy !req
318. Whoa, look at Sheila.Copy !req
319. Yeah, she was even hotter back then.Copy !req
320. Ho, ho, ho!Copy !req
321. Well, if Big Hank was here,Copy !req
322. I'm sure he'd tell you
all thank you so muchCopy !req
323. for another amazing year,Copy !req
324. and merry Christmas.Copy !req
325. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
326. Ho! Look, my little elves!Copy !req
327. And they got a cake!Copy !req
328. Oh!Copy !req
329. Crap! Damn it, Sam.Copy !req
330. Me? That was your fault, Tim.Copy !req
331. Tim, Sam. Listen up. Stop.Copy !req
332. All right, guys. Listen up.Copy !req
333. Stop it. Dude, stop it.Copy !req
334. You actually hurt my back.Copy !req
335. You're a tip-to-tail piece of crap.Copy !req
336. Okay, you two. Hug and make up.Copy !req
337. - You're my best friend.
- You're my best friend.Copy !req
338. - Merry Christmas, boys.Copy !req
339. Ah.Copy !req
340. We got to bring you back, Dad.Copy !req
341. Mort Crim reported the escapeCopy !req
342. right before he announced
his Chump of the Week.Copy !req
343. Who was Chump of the Week?Copy !req
344. We don't know.Copy !req
345. Well...Copy !req
346. I guess this is it.Copy !req
347. Dad, wait.Copy !req
348. Is there anything you want
to do before we take you back?Copy !req
349. One last night in
Detroit. Sky's the limit.Copy !req
350. Well, I would like to get
the hell out of this officeCopy !req
351. and hang out with my
son and his best friend.Copy !req
352. - Sounds good.
- You got it.Copy !req
353. How about we go to Lindell
AC and get us a burger?Copy !req
354. - Oh, sorry, Dad.
- That closed.Copy !req
355. - Chin Tiki?
- Demolished.Copy !req
356. - Boblo Island.
- It's condos now.Copy !req
357. - House I grew up in?
- It's a hipster bar.Copy !req
358. - Michigan Theater.
- It's a parking garage.Copy !req
359. - Silverdome.
- Abandoned.Copy !req
360. - Old Tiger Stadium.
- Dad, they closedCopy !req
361. Tiger Stadium before you went nuts.Copy !req
362. Plus, you called it Old Tiger Stadium.Copy !req
363. Okay, I'd like to see
the sunrise one last time.Copy !req
364. Detroit still has a sun, right?Copy !req
365. Yeah.Copy !req
366. Well, I guess we've
got some time to kill.Copy !req
367. Well, there you go, Pop.Copy !req
368. We give you one Detroit sunrise.Copy !req
369. Yeah, it's one of my favorite places.Copy !req
370. I used to take you guys fishing here.Copy !req
371. Yeah, Mr. Cramblin. You sure did.Copy !req
372. I caught a carp the size of my head.Copy !req
373. I remember that.Copy !req
374. Took turns reeling that sucker in.Copy !req
375. We for sure got to get back.Copy !req
376. Yeah.Copy !req
377. Boys, thanks for a great night.Copy !req
378. It's our pleasure, Mr. Cramblin.Copy !req
379. Sam, you can call me Hank.Copy !req
380. It was great to see you, Dad.Copy !req
381. I'll come visit this weekend.Copy !req
382. I'd like that.Copy !req
383. Yeah, we actually have to getCopy !req
384. to that Husky Boys shoot.Copy !req
385. I know it's just small potatoes, but...Copy !req
386. Ah, small potatoes, big potatoes.Copy !req
387. Hey, it's food on the table.Copy !req
388. Proud of you.Copy !req
389. Thanks, Dad.Copy !req
390. You know, there's something
I've been wanting to tell you.Copy !req
391. The meeting at Hudson's?Copy !req
392. - Yeah.
- The shit in the briefcase?Copy !req
393. Yeah.Copy !req
394. Wasn't my shit.Copy !req
395. I think that actually
makes it worse, Dad.Copy !req
396. - It does?
- Yeah.Copy !req
397. Hmm.Copy !req
398. Well, Sam.Copy !req
399. Hank.Copy !req
400. - Son.
- Dad.Copy !req
401. - Love you.
- Love you too.Copy !req
402. - Did he say it wasn't his shit?
- Yeah.Copy !req
403. I mean, that makes it worse, doesn't it?Copy !req
404. Yeah, no, that's what I told him.Copy !req
405. That's exactly what I told him.Copy !req
406. Husky Jeans, skinny prices.Copy !req
407. Yup, I mean, that's it.Copy !req
408. Thanks, Dad.Copy !req
409. I'll send you a bill.Copy !req
410. See you in the funny pages.Copy !req
411. You okay?Copy !req
412. Yeah.Copy !req
413. It was actually a great day.Copy !req
414. It's like we were spending time
with the best version of my dad.Copy !req
415. There was no anger,
fits of rage, paranoia.Copy !req
416. - Hey, hey, hey, hey!
- Fecal hoarding.Copy !req
417. Hank! Hey, Hank! Come on! Come on, Hank!Copy !req
418. Maybe he is actually getting better.Copy !req
419. I'm gonna talk to doctors this week,Copy !req
420. see if he can get out.Copy !req
421. He could maybe even come and help us outCopy !req
422. a few times a week in the office.Copy !req
423. - That'd be great.
- It'd be awesome.Copy !req
424. Hey, can I buy you breakfast?Copy !req
425. No, you can't, 'cause
I'm buying you breakfast.Copy !req
426. Don't do that, Tim.Copy !req
427. You know, when you don't
let me pay for stuff,Copy !req
428. it's like your way of controlling me.Copy !req
429. Controlling you? I'm being nice.Copy !req
430. Yeah, right.Copy !req
431. How's buying you breakfast not nice?Copy !req
432. - Don't do this, man!
- Tim, it's systemic racism.Copy !req
433. We're fat, man! Come on, slow down.Copy !req