1. - All right, Chuck,
we're gonnaCopy !req
2. walk you through
the commercial here.Copy !req
3. Now, as you know,Copy !req
4. the camera is gonna be
the point of viewCopy !req
5. of the little
Husky Boy shopper,Copy !req
6. so we open on:
he enters the store.Copy !req
7. The camera pans up.
He looks to Mom.Copy !req
8. It comes back down.Copy !req
9. We see a bunch
of fat little boys in suits.Copy !req
10. - Husky boys.Copy !req
11. - We don't call 'em fat.
We call 'em husky.Copy !req
12. - Oh. Okay, sure.Copy !req
13. - Then we see
some tennis outfitsCopy !req
14. being worn by a couple
real chunkers.Copy !req
15. - Husky boys.Copy !req
16. - Again, we call 'em
husky boys.Copy !req
17. - Oh, you're not
just objecting to "fat."Copy !req
18. You don't like
any of the terms.Copy !req
19. - Oh, we just prefer
to use "husky."Copy !req
20. - Got it. Okay.Copy !req
21. To bring it all home,Copy !req
22. we feature
your soon-to-be-famousCopy !req
23. elastic band jeansCopy !req
24. being worn by a real
blue-ribbon butterball.Copy !req
25. I apologize. That is
what's written down there.Copy !req
26. I am sorry about that.
Husky boy.Copy !req
27. Being worn by a husky boy.Copy !req
28. - It's not as good.
- No, it definitely isn't.Copy !req
29. - Then in our
dramatic conclusion,Copy !req
30. we see two
chubby little hands—Copy !req
31. - Husky.Copy !req
32. - Everything.
- All right.Copy !req
33. Uh, we see two husky hands...
- Ugh!Copy !req
34. - Not covered in chocolate.
- That kills me.Copy !req
35. - They reach down, pick up
a pair of Husky Boy jeans.Copy !req
36. - Stretch this out
a little bit.Copy !req
37. - Yeah, stretch it out
a little bit.Copy !req
38. He looks up.
Mom smiles.Copy !req
39. He's gonna look great.Copy !req
40. End of commercial.Copy !req
41. - Nice. Yeah.
- Thank you.Copy !req
42. - Maybe a tagline at the end,
you know, to bring it all home?Copy !req
43. We haven't landed on one yet,Copy !req
44. but we'll write up 100
and bring you the best one.Copy !req
45. - Actually, we do have
a couple great ones.Copy !req
46. - Uh, no we don't.
The meeting's over.Copy !req
47. - Let's see, uh, "Husky Boys:Copy !req
48. keep your wallet
as fat as your kid."Copy !req
49. - That seems a little offensive.
- Sure does, Sam.Copy !req
50. Sorry, we don't have one yet.
I apologize.Copy !req
51. - "Don't spend a chunk
on your chunk."Copy !req
52. - No.Copy !req
53. - We don't have it yet.Copy !req
54. - I'm sure you'll come up
with something.Copy !req
55. - Oh, definitely.
- You know, I don't knowCopy !req
56. if I ever told you this,Copy !req
57. but I actually worked
with your fatherCopy !req
58. when I was
at Hudson's Department Store.Copy !req
59. I was actually
at the meeting when,Copy !req
60. you know, he went nuts.Copy !req
61. - I prefer "bonkers."Copy !req
62. - Oh. Of course.
Bonkers.Copy !req
63. - Thank you.
- Yeah, he came inCopy !req
64. to pitch an ad for our
back to school sale,Copy !req
65. and he had us close our eyes,
and when we opened them,Copy !req
66. he had pulled out
this briefcase.Copy !req
67. Swear to God,Copy !req
68. it was filled to the brim
with shit.Copy !req
69. And he walked
around the tableCopy !req
70. and put a little handful
in front of each of us.Copy !req
71. As he made his way
up the table,Copy !req
72. I realized he only had
the front half of his suit.Copy !req
73. He had cut out the rest.Copy !req
74. Totally naked in the back.Copy !req
75. I found that to be odd.Copy !req
76. So there we were,
sitting there,Copy !req
77. little servings of shit
in front of us,Copy !req
78. staring at this
half-naked man,Copy !req
79. and you know what?Copy !req
80. We were still waiting for him
to bring it all home.Copy !req
81. That's how good he was, man.Copy !req
82. Big Hank Cramblin.Copy !req
83. They don't make 'em
like that anymore.Copy !req
84. - Thank you for telling me
that story, sir.Copy !req
85. - "Husky Boy Jeans.Copy !req
86. They're not food,
but you'll still love them."Copy !req
87. - Closer.
- We don't have it!Copy !req
88. - I mean, I guess I just
don't want to feelCopy !req
89. like I'm being censored
in front of a client.Copy !req
90. - No, no, no, and I don't
want you to feel that way.Copy !req
91. I was just feeling a little off
'cause I kept forgettingCopy !req
92. to call the fat kids "husky."Copy !req
93. That was so funny.Copy !req
94. I mean,
you always call them fat.Copy !req
95. - That's what they are.Copy !req
96. Where is Sheila?Copy !req
97. Tim, finally,
a mystery.Copy !req
98. - Yes.Copy !req
99. - Mystery solved.
- Yeah.Copy !req
100. - Get me a box
of those pens I like.Copy !req
101. Set me up with a massage
at 2:00.Copy !req
102. And see if you can get
ahold of Emilio.Copy !req
103. Have him come overCopy !req
104. and measure me
for some new suits.Copy !req
105. - You got it, Big Hank.Copy !req
106. - Hey, Dad.Copy !req
107. - Tim, Sam.Copy !req
108. Yeah, got released
this morning.Copy !req
109. I'm back.Copy !req
110. - You ain't shit.Copy !req
111. - Never said I was.Copy !req
112. - Well, you've implied it.Copy !req
113. - What is going on
in there?Copy !req
114. I've never made anybodyCopy !req
115. laugh like that
my entire life.Copy !req
116. - Well, me.
- Yeah, you.Copy !req
117. - So I said, "Fine, Doc,Copy !req
118. "but if you think
you're gettingCopy !req
119. those pajamas back,
you're crazy."Copy !req
120. - It is great
to have you back, Hank.Copy !req
121. - Thank you.Copy !req
122. - We missed
Cramblin Advertising.Copy !req
123. - We didn't go anywhere,
and it's Cramblin-Duvet now.Copy !req
124. - That's me, so...Copy !req
125. - Tim, you remember LeslieCopy !req
126. from Better Made
Potato Chips?Copy !req
127. - Yes, Sam and I pitched you
an idea about a boat captainCopy !req
128. piloting a battleship down
a river made of potato chips.Copy !req
129. You said you'd think about it
and get back to us.Copy !req
130. That was three years ago.Copy !req
131. - Oh, yeah.Copy !req
132. Sorry about that.Copy !req
133. The answer is no.Copy !req
134. - Sure.
- We figured.Copy !req
135. - It's just good to know
sometimes.Copy !req
136. - Well, it's great
to have you back, Big Hank.Copy !req
137. - Thank you, Leslie.
Thank you so much.Copy !req
138. Guys, you ready to wine and dine
Dan from Downriver Ale?Copy !req
139. Top of the Pontch.Copy !req
140. - Oh, Dad, Sam and I
should stay here.Copy !req
141. - Tim, Top of the Pontch.Copy !req
142. - We have to come up
with taglines for Husky Boys.Copy !req
143. - Small potatoes.Copy !req
144. Let's go reel us in
a big fish from Downriver.Copy !req
145. - So I drop the knife.Copy !req
146. My hands are covered
in blood.Copy !req
147. And here comes HankCopy !req
148. riding a motorcycle he stole
from God knows where.Copy !req
149. I hop on, shut my eyes,Copy !req
150. and the next thing I know,
we're back in San Diego!Copy !req
151. - I don't get it.Copy !req
152. Did Dan from Downriver Ale
kill a guy in Mexico?Copy !req
153. - Four Downriver Ales.Copy !req
154. - Yeah, what are
you guys having?Copy !req
155. - I-I thought
one of those was for me.Copy !req
156. - Yeah, I guess we'll have
four beers each too.Copy !req
157. - Give us four
hanger steaks, rare,Copy !req
158. all the sides
the table can hold,Copy !req
159. and, well, another round.Copy !req
160. - I wanted the filet.Copy !req
161. - To our wives
and girlfriends.Copy !req
162. May they never meet!Copy !req
163. - Oh! Hey, Dan,
let's talk turkey.Copy !req
164. - You know, I have
to say something.Copy !req
165. I didn't particularly
like that joke.Copy !req
166. I love my wife.Copy !req
167. - Well, sure, kid. I was just—
- I respect her.Copy !req
168. And before I tell a joke,
I like to ask myself,Copy !req
169. "If she was sitting right next
to me, would I tell this joke?"Copy !req
170. That comment crossed the line.
I don't think it was very funny.Copy !req
171. It's great to see you again,
Hank, but...Copy !req
172. everybody at Downriver Ale
is happy where we are.Copy !req
173. Our ads are hilarious.Copy !req
174. People love 'em.Copy !req
175. - Yeah, they are funny.Copy !req
176. Tim, Sam,
what's your favorite beer?Copy !req
177. - Downriver Ale.Copy !req
178. - Because you drank it.Copy !req
179. I used to steal his beers
from the fridgeCopy !req
180. in the garage
while he was at work.Copy !req
181. - I always wondered how my
six-packs became four-packs.Copy !req
182. You know, Dan,
your commercials are funny.Copy !req
183. But there's nothing funny
about the feeling you getCopy !req
184. when you steal a beer
out of your dad's fridge.Copy !req
185. Do you want to be
the funny beer?Copy !req
186. You go ahead.Copy !req
187. With us, Downriver Ale,
it's no joke.Copy !req
188. - To our mouths and buttholes.Copy !req
189. May they never meet.Copy !req
190. - Yes.
- Hear, hear.Copy !req
191. - Now, that's a good joke.Copy !req
192. - Sheila, pot of coffee,
two aspirin.Copy !req
193. - Waiting on your desk,
Big Hank.Copy !req
194. - Best in the business, baby!Copy !req
195. - I can't believe
how much they drank.Copy !req
196. I had two pieces
of chocolate cake.Copy !req
197. Nobody else got dessert.Copy !req
198. We had to sit there
and watch you for 20 minutes.Copy !req
199. - Oh, so that's
the top story now?Copy !req
200. That I had two pieces
of cake for lunch?Copy !req
201. - It's page one, baby.Copy !req
202. - Shut up.Copy !req
203. "Husky Boys:Copy !req
204. "Technically girlsCopy !req
205. can shop here too."Copy !req
206. - That's great.Copy !req
207. "Husky Boys:Copy !req
208. We're gonna hide
the way you look."Copy !req
209. - "Husky Boys: the official
wardrobe of the Klumps."Copy !req
210. - "Husky Boys:
'Cause you can't wearCopy !req
211. a little sailor suit forever."Copy !req
212. - "Husky Boys:
the belts are just for show."Copy !req
213. - "Husky Boys:Copy !req
214. Chode style."Copy !req
215. - "Husky Boys:
Propeller hat not included."Copy !req
216. - And that's 100.Copy !req
217. - Well, which one's
the best one?Copy !req
218. - None of them.
- Well, we tried.Copy !req
219. - I'm gonna go run
some of these by my dad.Copy !req
220. Hey, Dad.Copy !req
221. Uh, you mind if we runCopy !req
222. some of these Husky Boy
taglines by you?Copy !req
223. - Oh, can't, son.Copy !req
224. Got Liberty Airlines
first thing tomorrow.Copy !req
225. Lot of catching up to do.Copy !req
226. - Okay, cool.Copy !req
227. Uh, do you need
any help with those?Copy !req
228. I think I got it.Copy !req
229. Maybe I'll meet up
with you guys later on tonight.Copy !req
230. - Sounds good.Copy !req
231. - Frank Franklin.Copy !req
232. - That was one
of the first commercialsCopy !req
233. we ever did together.Copy !req
234. - Yeah, we heard that melody
in another commercialCopy !req
235. and we were like,
"Let's just use that."Copy !req
236. - I'm gonna miss
being in charge.Copy !req
237. - Yeah, it was a good run,
though, pal.Copy !req
238. - Oh, sure was.Copy !req
239. - Guards at the Wayne County
Insane AsylumCopy !req
240. went on strike this morning
after their paychecks bounced.Copy !req
241. When pressed for comment,Copy !req
242. lawmakers said
it was not a mistake, saying,Copy !req
243. "We were just hoping
they wouldn't notice."Copy !req
244. And while the cats were away,
the mice escaped,Copy !req
245. as shown
in this security footage.Copy !req
246. - Damn it, he's still nuts!
- Bonkers.Copy !req
247. - Tonight, dangerous lunaticsCopy !req
248. are scattered
around the city of Detroit.Copy !req
249. But what else is new, right?Copy !req
250. We'll be right back
with sports, weather,Copy !req
251. and my Chump of the Week.Copy !req
252. Stick with us.Copy !req
253. - All right,
let's go get 'em.Copy !req
254. - Well, Tim, we can't miss
Mort Crim's Chump of the Week.Copy !req
255. - Come on, Sam.
- Tim, Chump of the Week.Copy !req
256. - Come on!
- Ugh!Copy !req
257. Stupid.Copy !req
258. - There's a gigantic man
in your office.Copy !req
259. He gave me some great notes
on a commercial,Copy !req
260. and then he asked me to cut out
the back half of his suit.Copy !req
261. - Yeah, we're on it.
That's my dad.Copy !req
262. - Yeah.Copy !req
263. - You did not come from that.Copy !req
264. - Yes, I did. It's my dad.Copy !req
265. - Good night, guys.Copy !req
266. - Good night.Copy !req
267. - And that sucker is
Mort Crim's Chump of the Week.Copy !req
268. Good night, Detroit.Copy !req
269. - Damn it, Tim.Copy !req
270. We missed the Chump of the Week.Copy !req
271. And you know Mort
doesn't put stuff online.Copy !req
272. - I'm sorry.Copy !req
273. - Wayne County Insane Asylum.Copy !req
274. - Hi, this is Tim Cramblin
from Cramblin-Duvet Advertising.Copy !req
275. We have one of your lunatics.Copy !req
276. It's my dad, Hank Cramblin.
- Oh, okay.Copy !req
277. I need to put you in contact
with the orderliesCopy !req
278. who are rounding up
the patients.Copy !req
279. - They're putting me in touch
with the orderliesCopy !req
280. who are rounding up
all the patients.Copy !req
281. - Oh, cool.Copy !req
282. - Hello, boys.Copy !req
283. I have the son of one
of the escaped patients.Copy !req
284. - Thanks, Helen.
Put him through.Copy !req
285. This is Darron.
How may I help you?Copy !req
286. - Uh, yeah, hi.Copy !req
287. Uh, we have my dad,Copy !req
288. who escaped
from your asylum.Copy !req
289. - No, he seems fine.Copy !req
290. - Okay, if you can,
bring him in yourselves.Copy !req
291. We got a lot of nutballs
to scoop up.Copy !req
292. No offense to your father.Copy !req
293. - Oh, none taken.Copy !req
294. We'll bring him in, okay?Copy !req
295. - Okay. Thank you, sir.Copy !req
296. - Thank you.Copy !req
297. - There go one of 'em
right there!Copy !req
298. - Get him.Copy !req
299. - Hey, Pop.Copy !req
300. - Good evening,
Mr. Cramblin.Copy !req
301. - I was going through
some stuff,Copy !req
302. found this video
of an old Christmas party.Copy !req
303. Whoa, what's Santa got
old Wallace here?Copy !req
304. What? It's an empty
bottle of gin, Wallace.Copy !req
305. Oh, Wallace.Copy !req
306. - We found so many
in your desk,Copy !req
307. we figured
you collected them.Copy !req
308. - What'd you get me,
Santa Hank?Copy !req
309. - Whoa, look at Sheila.Copy !req
310. - Yeah, she was
even hotter back then.Copy !req
311. - Ho, ho, ho!Copy !req
312. Well, if Big Hank was here,Copy !req
313. I'm sure he'd tell you all
thank you so muchCopy !req
314. for another amazing year,Copy !req
315. and merry Christmas.Copy !req
316. Merry Christmas.Copy !req
317. - Ho! Look, my little elves!Copy !req
318. And they got a cake!Copy !req
319. Oh!Copy !req
320. - Crap! Damn it, Sam.Copy !req
321. That was
your fault, Tim.Copy !req
322. Tim, Sam. Listen up. Stop.Copy !req
323. All right, guys. Listen up.Copy !req
324. - Stop it.
Dude, stop it.Copy !req
325. You actually hurt my back.Copy !req
326. - You're a tip-to-tail
piece of crap.Copy !req
327. - Okay, you two.
Hug and make up.Copy !req
328. - You're my best friend.
- You're my best friend.Copy !req
329. - Merry Christmas, boys.Copy !req
330. Ah.Copy !req
331. - We got to bring
you back, Dad.Copy !req
332. Mort Crim reported the escapeCopy !req
333. right before he announced
his Chump of the Week.Copy !req
334. - We don't know.Copy !req
335. - Well... I guess this is it.Copy !req
336. - Dad, wait.Copy !req
337. Is there anything you want to do
before we take you back?Copy !req
338. One last night in Detroit.
Sky's the limit.Copy !req
339. - Well, I would like to get
the hell out of this officeCopy !req
340. and hang out with my son
and his best friend.Copy !req
341. - Sounds good.
- You got it.Copy !req
342. - How about we go to Lindell AC
and get us a burger?Copy !req
343. - Oh, sorry, Dad.
That closed.Copy !req
344. - Demolished.Copy !req
345. - Boblo Island.
- It's condos now.Copy !req
346. - It's a hipster bar.Copy !req
347. - Michigan Theater.
- It's a parking garage.Copy !req
348. - Silverdome.
- Abandoned.Copy !req
349. - Old Tiger Stadium.
- Dad, they closedCopy !req
350. Tiger Stadium
before you went nuts.Copy !req
351. - Plus, you called it
Old Tiger Stadium.Copy !req
352. - Okay, I'd like to see
the sunrise one last time.Copy !req
353. Detroit still has a sun, right?Copy !req
354. - Yeah.Copy !req
355. - Well, I guess we've got
some time to kill.Copy !req
356. - Well, there you go, Pop.Copy !req
357. We give you
one Detroit sunrise.Copy !req
358. - Yeah, it's one
of my favorite places.Copy !req
359. I used to take you guys
fishing here.Copy !req
360. - Yeah, Mr. Cramblin.
You sure did.Copy !req
361. - I caught a carp
the size of my head.Copy !req
362. I remember that.Copy !req
363. Took turns reeling
that sucker in.Copy !req
364. - We for sure
got to get back.Copy !req
365. - Yeah.Copy !req
366. - Boys, thanks
for a great night.Copy !req
367. - It's our pleasure,
Mr. Cramblin.Copy !req
368. - Sam, you can call me Hank.Copy !req
369. - It was great
to see you, Dad.Copy !req
370. I'll come visit this weekend.Copy !req
371. - I'd like that.Copy !req
372. - Yeah, we actually
have to getCopy !req
373. to that Husky Boys shoot.Copy !req
374. I know it's just
small potatoes, but—Copy !req
375. - Ah, small potatoes,
big potatoes.Copy !req
376. Hey, it's food on the table.Copy !req
377. Proud of you.Copy !req
378. - Thanks, Dad.Copy !req
379. - You know,
there's somethingCopy !req
380. I've been wanting
to tell you.Copy !req
381. The meeting at Hudson's?Copy !req
382. - Yeah.Copy !req
383. - Yeah.Copy !req
384. - Wasn't my shit.Copy !req
385. - I think that actually
makes it worse, Dad.Copy !req
386. - Yeah.Copy !req
387. - Hmm.Copy !req
388. Well, Sam.Copy !req
389. - Hank.Copy !req
390. - Son.
- Dad.Copy !req
391. - Love you.
- Love you too.Copy !req
392. - Yeah.Copy !req
393. - I mean, that makes it worse,
doesn't it?Copy !req
394. - Yeah, no, that's
what I told him.Copy !req
395. That's exactly
what I told him.Copy !req
396. - Husky Jeans,
skinny prices.Copy !req
397. - Yup, I mean, that's it.Copy !req
398. - Thanks, Dad.Copy !req
399. - I'll send you a bill.Copy !req
400. See you in the funny pages.Copy !req
401. - Yeah.Copy !req
402. It was actually a great day.Copy !req
403. It's like we were spending time
with the best version of my dad.Copy !req
404. There was no anger,
fits of rage, paranoia.Copy !req
405. - Hey, hey, hey, hey!
- Fecal hoarding.Copy !req
406. - Hank! Hey, Hank! Come on!
- Come on, Hank!Copy !req
407. - Maybe he is actually
getting better.Copy !req
408. I'm gonna talk to doctors
this week,Copy !req
409. see if he can get out.Copy !req
410. He could maybe even
come and help us outCopy !req
411. a few times a week
in the office.Copy !req
412. - That'd be great.
- It'd be awesome.Copy !req
413. - Hey, can I
buy you breakfast?Copy !req
414. - No, you can't,
'cause I'm buying you breakfast.Copy !req
415. - Don't do that, Tim.Copy !req
416. You know, when you don't
let me pay for stuff,Copy !req
417. it's like your way
of controlling me.Copy !req
418. I'm being nice.Copy !req
419. - Yeah, right.Copy !req
420. - How's buying you
breakfast not nice?Copy !req
421. - Don't do this, man!
- Tim, it's systemic racism.Copy !req
422. - We're fat, man!
Come on, slow down.Copy !req
423. - You know, I have
to say something.Copy !req
424. I didn't particularly
like that joke. I love my wife.Copy !req
425. - Well, sure, kid. I was just—
- I respect her.Copy !req
426. And before I tell a joke,
I like to ask myself,Copy !req
427. "If she was sitting right next
to me, would I tell this joke?"Copy !req
428. That comment crossed the line.
I don't think it was very funny.Copy !req